I sent you a message on here. I am just curious if you know a therapist that would be good for me to see in my country here. I'm not sure where abouts you are I am in Vancouver BC Canada but I don't trust at all easy. So if you know of someone I would appreciate to know. I was in therapy already for 7 years with 4 sessions a week to get my D.I.D partly under control and figures out. Which funny story I found out I have it while my husband and I were in couples therapy where of course we were told to tell each other how we feel. Not realizing it gave him so much amo against me. I use to have great self esteem and sense of dignity. He ripped it away from me. I need to get divorced and I have been separated for over 5 years. Why can't I get away. I live in my own place. I know my alters still are in Contact with him. I keep trying to get them to stop. I need help to get a divorce
Hello Richard, could you do a talk on the origins of schizophrenia. You did before, a few years ago but I can't find it. It talked about toxic family relationships that are so dangerous they cause psychosis. Thank you. Could you also about recovering memories of abuse that leads to delusional psychosis. Thank you. Lillian
Thanks Richard means alot to hear back from you 🙏 i always say they should clone you 🤣 only messing just need more line you in this crazy sensitive world 🌎 take care of you 🙏
Spot on. I eventually got to the point where it p1ssed me off that i was spending all my mental energy on the narc and understanding their misbehaviours and none of it on me. It was only at that point that I saw myself as a main character in my own life and not simply an extra in theirs.
I just read "Wake Up And Live!" (goofy title from the 30's) by Dorothea Brande and it's not about narcissistic abuse recovery BUT IT IS, though. It's about this twilight nether-region we find ourselves in after. Not everybody lands in that space because of narcissistic abuse but those who have analyzed the narcissist to death and know all those buzzwords and still feel like they're in quicksand, I think that's where they are. And the book is about that. And what I love about it, and why I heartily recommend it to everyone reading this, is that it not only helps you figure out some shit ABOUT YOU, not about the narc, and helps you PICK A DIRECTION to go in INSTEAD of further analysis of shit you already know, is that it also does a teensy bit more reassuring about the resulting adulthood (tidying your room and doing your taxes and such) than our beloved Richard did here. When you are On Your Own Shit, you DO get dopamine. When you find quality people who are also done sleepwalking or staying small or whatever their flavor of it was, you CAN get and give real encouragement. And when you're doing the kind of satisfying work that lights you up and that you cannot dig into UNTIL you have grown up, you do receive in response a pleasure that is greater than your sleepwalking or your subservience or whatever your flavor was. You know all the shit, you are safe. Now get up and wipe the crust from your eyes and ENJOY what comes after the unfortunate time you're now skillfully walking away from! ❤
I’ve been watching your channel on and off for several years now. What I appreciate most about your channel is both the perspective of personal responsibility and the high level of nuance that almost all the other channels WILL NOT GET INTO. It seems that they want to keep it in the us vs them, nothing us the abused do is our fault, we have no choice even though we are now aware that we do these things and here are the excuses we should be telling ourselves so we feel better, never actually heal so we keep coming back for more feel good. I admit that’s a bit tinfoil hat, but maybe it’s not, time will tell I guess. Thank you for all you do and all those that share to help us all grow.
To help others understand the abuse cycle of narcissism on a much deeper level, you MUST be able to see that is completely impossible to have any sort of deep conversation with them regarding ANY topic that requires inner depth, as they have ZERO depth within, as hells within hells are within them, hence why anything to do with them is so shallow. And when you simply bring up ANYTHING that requires any depth, they will immediately shut down the conversation, deflect, and label/blame shift playing their silly 'victim card'. Again, none of this is 'personal' as there is nobody inside them in the first place. Eye will reveal 4 strikes eye gave the Narc in the 8th and final phase/cycle of the "on and off" nonsense over a nine year period that ended in 2011. This final phase occurred twelve years ago. Eye knew full well this was the last straw and it was either going to work or end forever. An example of this is we initially met over a rock band, the band was Tool. During that final month she asked me what my favorite Tool song was - my answer was the song 'Reflection' .. and her response was dead silence, as she had no clue what to say, she couldn't even muster to ask why, as talking to a brick wall is far better than any conversation with her as she has zero depth, as at least a brick wall can respond with echoes. Of course the lyrics explicitly state the word 'Narcissism', and she is so shallow with absolutely no depth whatsoever she can listen to that song every day for the rest of her life and she will still have no clue what the song means. Keep in mind this is her favorite band, Nevermind the fact that Alex Grey is the Artist for Tool and he has taken Ayahuasca and DMT well over 3O times, another thing that goes way above her head as she has zero inner depth whatsoever, everything about her is shallow. Strike 2 - she claimed for the first time I reminded her of the guy who sexually abused her, a guy she claimed sexualy abused her 10 years before she met me, and who she couldn't stop talking about the first night I met her, nevermind the fact I treated her with utmost respect physically over those years, more than any man ever will, again narcissists always play the victim role no matter what. Strike 3 - I started researching Ayahuasca in 2007, and 2011 brought it up to her that I wanted to take the medicine and experience Ego-Death and experience the other side and grow spiritually. Before I could even end the sentence, she shut me down responding with " I'll die when I die' with incredible trepidation and fear in her voice. She immediately and desperately attempted to change the subject, She had no clue I could have talked about the subject for 3 more hours as I had done tons of research at that point. But again, it is impossible to have any deep and meaningful conversation with a complete narcissist, as there is absolutely nobody inside. Asked myself what the heck is the point of seeking a future with her if she is constantly in fear of talking about the deepest subject matters of life/death, and everything in between. I knew at that time any further interaction with her would be pointless and meaningless. Strike 4 - She came out and stated out of the blue that she is a "Nympho", followed by stating she is very dirty. And this was during the "push" part of her narcissist cycle. It all started to make sense to me. It was so easy to forget about her after that point, it was effortless really, With that said , Mother Ayahuasca in 2012 had me purge the endless poisons from her narcissism forever. Erased her completely, vomited her endless lies, darkness and poisons she tried to implant in me and flushed her down the toilet forever where she belongs. Ayahuasca then said - do you want to follow the dark creature narcissist that only wants to give you nightmares and horrors ? Or do you choose me, who will heal you from everything at lightning speed and I will give you everlasting light within you so strong you'll burst, I will take you through all the heavens and I will make you one of the wisest and most powerful shaman healers that ever lived to destroy narcissism on this planet. I will then give you a human woman filled with light that will love you the way you deserve to be loved. Guess which path I chose !! ;- )
Thank you for this new direction Richard. I’ve felt for a long time that there’s a dearth of recovery strategies for the codependent. So much has been focused on the narcissist. We need an equal wealth of terminology, framework and strategies around the deficits that make us vulnerable. One of the most helpful paradigm shifts from your work for me was emotional literacy. Thanks as always and keep up the good work!!
Taking responsibility for MY responsibility in allowing my trauma to rule my life was a HUGE turning point for me. Having a Victim mentality is an essential factor, that needs to be addressed, before attempting to take back control of our lives and emotions. It was a hard pill to swallow that I ALLOWED abusive things to transpire in my life. Many of my painful life circumstances could have been prevented had I believed in my ability to WALK AWAY.
Just to clarify, I don't want my post to sound like I'm saying I was responsible for the abuse I went thru. Or that simply "walking away" is always the solution. My self-worth had been shattered into a million pieces at a very young age, and THAT was absolutely NOT my doing. What I now take responsibility for, in my adult years, is not having strong enough inner convictions & courage to face my own demons and metaphorically tell them to GTFOH. It's honestly taken me YEARS of inner reflection to finally realize I never deserved being treated that way . And that I had every right to tell toxic people to get the hell out of my life.
Online, a mountain lurks inside every molehill, slowly infecting the body memetic. We territoritally troll each other because we can’t control the map. Biding the calm, before our own tsunami.
I didn’t know what narcissist Abuse was until I was discarded. Other people who knew my ex opened my eyes and I selfstudy to keep myself from a similar relationship ever happening again. I thought I had done enough therapy at the timeI met him. I began therapy again after this revelation and have been in it for YEARS.
Same here. Once I was discarded and she was engaged a week later I was left wondering wtf just happened. Luckily, like your case I was able to talk to past friends of hers and put together a pattern of behavior thus leading me to HPD.
There are communities on here that work through the post narcissism education work together though. I've been part of one for over a year and going through the standard stages of narc education, then figuring out what brought you to codependency, pulling away from family members and friends accordingly, then the work to discover who you are and how to start to care for yourself properly (exercise, sleep, nutrition, addressing health issues, decluttering, information diet, etc), then the nervous system work. I like where you're going with this but I disagree that therapy is needed, when there are supportive communities that can be joined and accountability partners to work with. That help you move from a place of being a victim to counting the entire experience as a huge blessing
@@lauramytunes Hi Laura, sure, I'd suggest checking out the community sections on different narc channels, find one that has a high level of interaction and where the types of interaction feel supportive and positive and comfortable for _you_ and then start interacting daily, share what you are working on, get to know people and what they are working on and before you know it you will be part of a community that you click with that you can gain and share wisdom on how to move forward. At the end of the day the only way to move through this is with a high level of self discipline and dedication, but I think that would be the case with therapy too. But I think a community helps you see first hand from others, the benefit of building this in yourself. Hope this helps
@@_Louise__ thank you for taki g the time to comment and sorry for just getting back to you . I am not a big commenter because i have a hard time keeping up with notifications and replies. I found 1 channel with good community that i like alot it's called NARCDAILY have you heard of it?
Yes, I’ve seen this. I joined two fb groups for male victims of narcissistic abuse. I promptly left the group after seeing the first couple posts. I don’t need to hear other people’s horror stories. I don’t even want to hear or tell mine anymore.
That was solid, concrete information. We should all take personal responsibility for how see things, how we hear things, how we understand things, how we react to things and how we speak. Thank you
Love your sense of humor, Richard. I think you’re hilarious. I know you’re going to knock it out of the park at your London seminar. Can’t make this one but hope to catch one down the road. Cheers
I thought the narcissist was a monster. Now that I am grown up I understand more the behavior pattern and motivations of the narcissist are rooted in fear. A severely damaged, mentally dwarfed, literally completely childish mind at work, in effort to achieve its end of attaching itself to someone- someone to help it 'grow up' and give what it needs. It is disturbing and bizarre, and less so when you are educated about the behavior.
Right this is why all the you tube coaches don't teach enough to get the h out of the situation . It's keeping us in a loop . I was thinking about this this week .
What about someone who married a woman who was the abuser- and he could never get away from her- and never loved her but ended up marrying her, because breaking up with her never worked. And they ended up just settling. She abused her husband and kids- with financial, emotional, and mental abuse. Also abused narcotics and any form of alcohol she could get, and sexual violence paired with many infidelities. All while being a sloth and never working- or paying off any of her own debt. Still barely works and she is a grandma age now- with grown kids from before this coupling- she never paid a dime for any of her kids. And the father got away, but abuse continues through the kids? She played them all against each other- and prefers her golden child. She identifies with her golden child a LOT. It’s such a hard situation as the children are now young adults and perpetuate same abuses the mother did. And are not independent. It’s such a clusterfuck. How do you prepare yourself against children- that Aren’t on their own? And still are attached to abuser and you share parenting time with the abuser until kids are grown- but they still live between both parents homes. How do you help yourself against CHIDREN raised by abusers? And become like them, by modeling the abuser’s behaviors ? With her being an adult who never worked she did all the things with kids while dad worked 80 or more hours each week.
I have never been able to find a therapist, at least in the US, who knew my ex-husband as well as myself enough to say either one of us had narcissistic personality. I’ve been in therapy for years and got very little help, which is why I cruise on RUclips, looking for some answers as to why I still have not recovered, 15 years later and I’m constantly longing for my ex back in my life. I have no clue if he was narcissistic or I was narcissistic neither of us were or what happened but it was chaos and I have always been of the belief that it was me, so now, what do I do? I am lonely and haven’t found anything that helps me. I just believe that I made the biggest mistake of my life leaving hoping I would feel better only to find out that I was a mess even out of the relationship. I don’t think everybody who is watching unless tubes on narcissism are doing so because they don’t want to go to therapy, I think it’s because therapists are not educated in this too any extent, and some therapist will even minimize or disregard altogether. Any talk about personality disorders. I recently tried it with a therapist that I’ve known for about a year and she shut that down fast.
I'm glad & stunned you are coming awake. Thanks for the video. There is much more to say about the map & youtube videos but please get stronger to acknowledge how people have been treated by the youtubers content & format, it's hard to bear. And really how intense the narcissist is depicted is foolish, I have known for years. Know you do not know what the youtubers did to us. I was manipulated before & I think it was highly immoral. They have a control issue and make you on guard like an ex police officer cult leader. I am an HSP so I have noticed tons of issues. This comment section says the videos focus on the narc and not yourself, every video is identifying the survivor and your deep issues, it's biased. And they present a fork in the road. I would like a history of survivors to point out how much what youtubers said could not even connect. I would understand it being unacceptable to America. Of course we'd want an end to or needed discourse for unbearable psychological abuse but there are more kinds that you also shouldn't endure as well. HSP refuge has been pretty safe for people, if anyone reading this needs. You deserve support that isn't full of the jargon. Guess what I know you're not crazy if you are mad at or have grief about Dr Ramani!! I feel threatened by her, still today & have to read books about mental illness as a topic to adjust the well. I don't mean to shame watching videos, I know I scroll past many of the titles but others I save. You know what you're doing. But I would appreciate less likes on videos if you can practice what you believe that it's ok to not or share what you think pressing dislike.
Such a great video... Taking responsibility for my part of it which after participating in Therapy I can see. Letting go of the victim mentality and making the changes inward that I need to to change this cycle and pattern I keep repeating in my life. Lot's of hard work, self reflection and support!
There are alllot of people that the government dont help. And not everyone earns or can work to pay the bills for help from no government institutions. Plus there is a waiting lists for over years in the netherlands. we need videos like this.
You have opened my eyes to the relationship I was in for years. My husband was ghosting me for years. I am a man and I thought I was strong in my resolve. However I found myself acting like a child around him after a while because I was so beyond exacerbated by him. He also used my D.I.D against me. I am separated now and have been for over five years. I am struggling to get a divorce and I can't figure out why!?!?!? I want it but for some unknown reason I haven't even able to do it. I know I want to be free and happy, why can't I simply go get the divorce? Why???? I can't figure it out and it's plaguing me. I live alone with my two awesome dogs but I know my alters are still in contact which drives me mental, for lack of a better way to say that but it's true! There are times I think the only way I will get out fully is if he dies or I die. Not that I would harm him. He has harmed me tho. But I wish I could just get away and out
I feel your pain. Recognize that the trauma you experienced when young was so severe that you developed DID in the first place. You may not be able to talk or intellectualize your way out of it. But your alters may begin to trust you when you make choices that create a safer space for them than the narcissist could. Write a list of the ways you’ve been harmed by the narcissist as a reminder to the parts that tend to fall into delusion. The struggle is real.
God, everything you say is so true that it gives me flashbacks just listening you. Eventually, the only way out was the most brutal thing I'd ever done-- I had to tell her, over and over, scream it to her face, that I didn't love her and that I had never loved her. And the whole time I knew it wasn't true. I was mad for her, but I couldn't take it any more. I had to rip her out of my life. This is the first time I've ever told anyone about that...
Grsat Talk - - Than you Richard -- I am saving this to my library to listen to again and to have handy for mature ready friends that may benefit from it. Warm Regards and Healthy Wishes to You.
My brother is the narc. Twelve years older. I was born with a knife aimed at my back. It is possible to move on and watch those blessings flood in. Havent seen him in three years. I had a run in with him today. He is still in victim mode.
It's nice to see someone tackling the way out. There's many videos that a person can point to and say wow .. that's me yep ... but what's the solution?
I'm trying to find what my flaws are as I'm now going through a major breakup from what I suspect to be a covert narssissist, my head is slowly coming back out my own arse, time is a healer I'm told, so here's hoping
Is it your belief that a person who is unusually humble, reflective, aware of their own biases and takes full responsibility for their part can heal themselves without therapy?
I can't answer for him, but I can answer with my own experience and I'm going to say yes, because I'm currently doing it, but with Truth, Love and Wisdom.
I believe so. I believe, as an old guy who has done this stuff for a while, that we have an innate healing function which is always trying to restore us to our original 'plan', and grow us into our original potential for who we can be. With awareness, paying attention to our feelings, thoughts, reactions, dreams and so on, and support from the things which keep us 'plugged in' and resourced, I tend to see healing as inevitable. It's a force of nature which has a direction of movement, like water constantly wearing away resistances as it finds its way back to the ocean. Therapy/therapies may aid that process. But ultimately it is that healing function which does the work; “The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient, while nature cures the disease”, Voltaire. I've been in talk therapy in the past and it was very useful. But in the years since leaving a narcissistic abusive relationship I haven't felt the need to do that again.
I'm going to therapy but I tried saying my mom was a narcissist and my therapist said well I can't diagnose her. Which made me feel like she didn't believe me. I'm still trying to work up the courage to tell my therapist that my mom and my sister both are narcissistic because they're different kinds. I think if I show her your videos then she'll understand better
Richard……you’re freaking hilarious! You just validated me because I just started therapy!! Whoop whoop. I got to the point in the videos that I said to myself “ok I know everything…….how to I move on and function in this world for the rest of my time in it”?!
I am actually surrounded by narcissists but I still love them. Don’t matter they can’t love. That’s them. So how do I function and be happy. Is it dangerous to just be my normal self without letting them know my boundaries until they cross them?
Explain how your fictitious god is not the ultimate narcissist ? As narcs need to be praised/validated as they have zero self-awareness, and if you don't praise them they will punish you. Therefore by seeking to be worshiped you're admitting your god has absolutely no self-awareness and has no clue who it is.
Christ is the darkest ideologies that have ever been conceived. As we were ALL born free and eternal, therefore who is that controlling narcissistic Jesus telling you otherwise that it can only happen through him ? Secondly, why the heck would I want to die FOR you and rob and steal your infinitely sacred and magical manifestations and revelations of experiencing death ? As I died loads of times in Ayahuasca ceremonies and eye would Never ever consider in a trillion years to take that powerful learning experience away from you (or anyone else). That's true divine love
And explain how you can possibly believe anything in a book with well over 1000 total and complete contradictions ?! No other book on the planet contains more lies/contradictions than yours. As it is the dar.-kest book ever written by man
In addition to internalizing instruction and forming a conscience, without introjects as internalized representations of familiar people, out of sight would equal out of mind- we could not form stable attachments or develop faithful relationships (ASPD?). Narcissistic abuse and attachment injury exploit and pervert this process , especially when it occurs very young and THAT is what drives ongoing susceptibility to narcissistic abuse. While it is useful to understand the dynamics of BOTH SIDES of the trauma bond, no amount of obsessing over "The Narc" will heal the injury, which is easier said than done if you're older, have a long history of abuse, or P.D. adaptations. Best to deal with it sooner rather than later. Interesting that you introduced the spiritual symbolism of the staff of Asclepius and the Caduceus and its connection to Hermes and commerce, I began researching this recently- it puts the entire modern medical model into perspective, doesn't it? Asclepius is the healer, but has conveniently been replaced. Let's get this zombie apocalypse over with and stop the madness of modernity while we can still sorta tell the difference, there's nothing like fighting the walking dead together to remind us of our common humanity😉. "...you'll see tiny figures pounding corn and laying strips of venison to dry on the carpool lane of an abandoned superhighway eight lanes wide and August-hot for a thousand miles." - Chuck Palahniuk "Fight Club"
Once one reads the Word of God they do not shut the Book and proclaim "I know all I need to know. Now I Am free" no, one Must keep the Book open and re-visit it Daily being aware at anytime evil will strike.. The amour of God starts with Wisdom.
When my journey towards individualisation started i was asked if i lived my life again would i do what ive done again.? If i lived on my own would i buy a picture for me to look at on my wall? And the most important thing i did was in the words of shakespire. To thine own self be true. And it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false with any man (or woman)
I think that for all our technical prowess, our understanding of the self and our consciouness is not even in the bronze age, we are somewhere between rock and bone. Social media is showing this in spades as it seems, to me, to be driving an entire segment of the population insane (or just keeping them there) - as a parent I have seen its impacts, and worry constantly about my teenage daughters. So I do think (hope?) we are past time for a major shakeup of how we handle all the PD categories and also how we can heal and be responsible for our own mental health. I hope it also leads to positive treatments for people because I hope that every person can have a path to a healthy life and the best version of themselves. And while we all sit here and consume youtube videos - ask yourself what do I do with that knowledge? Are you also seeing a therapist, or at least a friend who you can talk things through with? Do we sit and ponder what we learn from the youtube videos? Or do we just look for another video with a click-baity title? How often do we do the hard work of talking/listening with ourself? At the end of the day, all of this happens inside our own skulls - where only we generally have control. We might cede the control to others and/or pretend we don't have the control - but we do, and with it the responsibility to do the work to care for ourselves. And it is work. Videos alone are not enough. So care for yourself the same way you would care for your child - you *do* deserve it. I am excited for Richard Grannon's future videos and the work that it will entail, and the discussions I will have with my therapist. The future me is out there, and only the current me stands in my way.
can you recommend youtube video about how healthy mind works and what abusive people know about healthy mind so that they are capable of breaking people's healthy minds ? It makes me wonder why abuse works ? Abusers abuse people because they know abuse works on people. How is this possible that abuse works on people ? why people break under the influence of abuse ?
I do have a questions..narcissists if they have no choice let's say and only bcuz we all kno they would never decide for their own to go to therapy and heal themselves.. is there any chance in the world for them to recuperate?!...and am asking this from only 1 point of view which u have mentioned here...that we all humans carrying each own traumas and blockages and unresolved these and that's. Couldn't agree more! Also to the fact that this desire for healing needs to come from within! Only that for some only comes when they literally have no other choice and or option. And considering the tremendous number and rising of narcissists all over...how we doin?! For I see em demons now. Correlating it to spirituality which let's say it's higher perspective of religions united. For how long humanity gonna chose am asking myself to let these characters walk freely hurting inevitably and irreversibly often times others and sooner or later own kind. And as in for spell work...don't u know or never heard of brainwashing ppls minds with the TV?! Music movies..?! Uh well spells are just words casted and thrown upon vulnerable minds. Personally I see it a very big issue here for energy transfer is very real. And beyond the logical minds limitation of accepting 'the magical" stuff it's what the ocults and or religious groups since fo ever counted upon. Ones existence is far more complex directly proportional with the human minds unconscious. And with the whole humility I consider that these mnetal iln3sses the root for physical ones as well need a holistic method of healing Integrating all them pieces of puzzles all together. For reality is not just this or that. Nor those or those. It's whole. And also often times mental illnesses are blockages in this process of awakening to the wholeness of reality. The approach of ignoring and or isolating the I'll ones letting them decide..to heal or not when they not in their right minds hurting themselves and everything surrounding for me personally it's juts meeh. But...I'm not that narcissistic anymore to want that others comprehend where I'm coming from or what I'm saying nor follow. I'm just asking myself questions in order to find solutions to shiet that bothers us all. And yea I personally take it to GoD which shows me stuff in front of me eyes. From psychiatric point of view...am I insane?! Out of my minds?! Probably that totally 🥹 but thank GoD!🫡✊️ I enjoy following u I get insights about specific techniques which helps me with this one for it seems I got so wounded that is hard to not giving them payback as in put them in their knees for their extreme fukkery and make an example out of them after I have learned that u beat the devil with own weapons, to block them put them in the corner expose turn on the sun's lights upon so bright to burn their eyes. Eventually they gonna fall in their knees to the ground. Searching for GoD. Or higher consciousness. Or deciding its time for them to heal after taking the embarrassment deep within🥹 may be mean for having this ambition but it's personal with my fam after a life time of fukkery. And I would totally go to therapy! Defineyly!! But what to do when blocked by these fukkers all my ways for recuperate and healing?! Hm?! U kno them..how they be doing So fukk therapy we have war. Especially when ppl around don't wanna get involved rightfully and practically helping the one struggling to heal from these. Anyway...🫡✊️🥹🤝💖🫶💓
"Renfield, the tortured aide to history's most narcissistic boss is forced to procure his master's prey and do his every bidding, no matter how debased. But now, after centuries of servitude, Renfield is ready to see if there's a life outside the shadow of The Prince of Darkness. If only he can figure out how to end his codependency."- Universal Pictures. Wow, this stuff is becoming mainstream. I know the themes have been around for ever, but to see the language in a movie studio blurb is surprising.
Looking for a video# Richard was speaking and discussed how it's like being taken out into space and not having a tether. Heard this a while back and I'm wanting to find that video again if anyone can help?
Hi richard. I sent a comment 2 days prior this comment about a situation i found myself in. Can you please help me to understand if at all possible. Many regards phil.
im doing therapy on my own . all my life i felt like im the problem. i learned. a conflict always needs 2 . there are always 2 sides of a coin. NPD and CPTSD are the same coin. with CPTSD i thought, i am the victim. i didnt notice im also did quite a view narcisstic behavior patterns my self without even noticing. I also learned. If i take the 1st step, without dismissing healthy boundries. is a healthy way to gain further progress. I never had a offical diagnose about my CPTSD , because of flying monkeys in medic threatments in my childhood enviroment. trusting other ppl is like no possibility. i try , but there is a big wall. non the less in april im havin my 1st meeting with a therapist. I decided to fight against my anxities to get new pieces on to my map as well. Thx u look like the most critic person i found so far. and thats actually exactly what i was looking for. thank you so much. i love it
Dear Richard, can you please answer me a question. If a codependent and narcissist are two sides of the same coin. Does that mean codependents cant heal and after idealising for decades do they then devalue and discard? Many regards Phil.
My personal take watching your content, you've taken too deep a dive at correcting or using strategy against what is, by your own definitions, an integral part of our community The example of primordial treasure etc The key to understanding the trait is dispersion. The person who fought tooth and nail for the marbles and his outlook vs the people he employs and perhaps their naive, thoughtless nature You can't expect the former to be good at both dominion and understanding. It's his commitment to form which landed him spoils to begin with Now we're asking the docile sunflower who don't have it in their code to be confrontational to tame the demon? It's a centuries old dialectic to play master and servant. The one who gets will always desire more. Their only relationship with you is whether they can continue to get through you The rest pick daisies. It's just nature. Although I do think educating is on ways to unpack frustration and redress trauma is important from those reeling from abuse. The best we can hope for is to identify signs of narcissism in future relationships and minimize their effects. A person has to be willing to fight the temptation to be exploited and become oblivious to certain whiles You give a thing a name and it loses power. More importantly once you allow the abuser emotions to feed, they're in there. So it's best to expose oneself to triggers so to not get so invested and riled up. It's a trap
Oh, dear. I thought... I was assuming. So: I identify -- rather fearfully -- with the "dark empath" character traits you describe in another video. Or rather, I identify with those traits in myself, but I *fear* them in myself; I *HATE* them in myself... because I recognize them as, in some way, a mirror image of those same traits in my mother. My mother, on the surface, at least in my adult life, had her life together, was a "pillar of the community," and so on. In private... up until I was about 7-8, she was WILDLY alcoholic, was having at least one affair, and so on. Now, she was the victim of her own tale, too -- generational trauma is... a shit show. But again, to me, she was just this manipulative, *highly* intelligent "god figure" (she's MOM... but she also had her own low 150's IQ, as well as a Masters degree in early *freaking* childhood* freaking *society*). So, that's my "dear god, never let me be that, I will blow my brains out if I become that" in my head, where I have... glimmers of it, but mostly I just see it as my archetype of my mother. So great: fuck. I'm a "dark empath." Because I do STRONGLY resonate with the fears of others, to where I used to think I was afraid of heights, until I realized that I was just picking up on OTHERS' fear of heights, etc. So... "dark empath." Damn. But then you go on to say "fragile narcissist." Okay, well, people call me a narcissist. And I AM self-centered, but to me, it's always been because it feels like, inside of me, I HURT. I just can't explain it better than that. Some days, that hurt may be anxiety, some days, depression. Some days it's just a vague, bored sense of ennui, of meaninglessly frittering away the moments that make up the dull day (if you'll allow my Pink Floyd reference). But "in my head hurts" and thus my inner gaze feels relentlessly drawn back and back and back to my inner pain. This feels... natural; not personal. It's hard to be empathic about your friend's boring day when it feels like inside, your mental house is on fire. So, great. I'm "just a narcissist." Except, again: I don't really FEEL like the abuser. My instincts tell me I am the abused. I've never assaulted or raped or tortured anyone. I've had dark, violent thoughts but... I know right from wrong, and even when it's different from what "society" says is right or wrong, I am very often guided by an inner moral compass that seems (to me) MUCH stronger than your "average guy's." Most people just don't seem to... care about morality. I care very DEEPLY... it's just that my morality may... "look different" than whatever normal morality looks like. So... I'm not "evil." So, fuck, dude. What AM I? The victim, or the oppressor? Good guy, or bad? Was I abused, or am I abusing those around me? Am I psychology's bogeyman? Or just a normal, emotionally neglected and slightly stunted smart guy who's being overly angsty? See... this is why I'm not overly interested in psychotherapy. Y'all can't even seem to settle on *terms*.
It's not always flaws. It is "simply" toxic shame internalized inside us: conviction which tells us that we are bad person in our core, inept and worthless. And then this is layered and covered up - and we have no idea that this basic view is a motor which brings on bad decisions in life repeatedly. In the movie Oppenheimer - he did his job, he had his task to do - and he was accused by treason by narcissistic person Strauss - who was convinced that Oppie talked bad about him with Einstein. Strauss assumed that due to his egocentrism that people only talk about him. Strauss was abuser here. He saw offense where there was none. He was delusional. He had paranoia and projected it onto totally innocent person - and almost sentenced Oppie to death - just because of his imaginary world. In most cases this is what happens to us - which triggers our trauma - we are accused by mentally ill monsters about things we never did - and then we believe that we did something wrong and that we have flaws, and that we must fix ourselves and that it is our fault to be abused. We put burden on ourselves for having burdens. When in reality - there is absolutely nothing wrong with us. We were simply a target for some very disturbed sick mentally ill parasites and predators who society cannot recognize as someone who needs to be institualized and put away from society to cause harm to.
Truth! Unfortunately some therapists can be very dangerous, and you’re already in a vulnerable place. There are good ones though who can make a difference. I guess I would say self-work with support is crucial, rather than just always focusing on the narcissist or other harmful people. Therapy is also expensively out of reach now too. Buyer beware on the help though. Richard has courses which he has evolved over the years and I trust them and his work.
Try relationshiphero, you can Google this. So far I’ve had a consultation for $1 for 15 min just to have an initial intro, and I’m very impressed so far. She made me feel heard, valued, and like I wasn’t going crazy. They can talk at ANY hour of the day depending on what time you go on their site. I think my counselor was in Australia? (I’m in the US). Best of luck!
It's so hard to get over a narcissist, because we've split them into 2 internal objects: the good and bad person. Merging them is painful and holding onto the good object gives comfort. In therapy, they try to get you to kick out the good object and focus on the bad.
Narcissism has become a trend online. Every one is a Narcissist. I've been in a relationship of this kind for 3 years, I left no contact but stalking me for 6 yrs after. I started watching videos to heal but found them all repetitive and seemed to become more of a victim. So I cut them all off and examined myself, why I went into this relationship healing myself in the process. I've never looked back. I watched this video bc I was interested in your take on it. I agree with all you are saying. These videos can make you into a perpetual and an eternal victim unless you look at yourself. Painful but true
Please consider this: the fact that you mention that he was still stalking you after 6 years also suggests something else. I believe that you haven't examined this (for your own sake in your next relationship)
@Micheleparadis2808 What is this something else. All I know is that I worked on myself staying single for many years afterwards. I had to take responsibility in the part I played the choices I made. It was real hard working on myself, my issues rather than concentrating on the narcissist and his faults. This is why I stopped watching narcissist videos. Now I am happily married, a relationship completely opposite to what I had before. But it took, me changing my behaviour, my reactions to do it.
Psychologist are able to define the problem but the solution they don't say. How come there will be a problem without solution? I cried out to the Lord Jesus Christ and got my answer. Read Psalm 12 The problem is spiritual and the attacks are spiritual. Hence without God's help no one is able to withstand the attack. They either destroy themselves or destroy others and die at the end. To be able to do good we need the strength from the lord. Clearly the fruits of the spirit are love,joy,peace,patience,kindness,gentleness,goodness,faithfulness and self-control. The narcissistic people are stealing the good fruits so that one might fall as the Bible says "The tree that does not bear good fruit will be cut down and cast into fire" Please get right with God (if you haven't already)
It's worth it to keep looking, and also remember that it's 100% okay to interview a therapist. Ask them if they're experienced in this stuff and if they say no or give one of those nebulous non-answers, tell them thank you for your time and that's it. You don't have to waste any time, it's not rude or anything else bad. Actively search for a therapist who meets your needs and your standards, not by trial and error but by stating your needs and rejecting those who won't meet them. I'm sorry you haven't had a good time yet though, that does suck and it makes sense how you feel. Just don't give up, if you think therapy would help you then get you some. ❤
@@juliegeorge6227 The spritual process is synonymous with the psychological process. Neither of those are the exclusive domain of any one faith or belief system. Your book, with its message of judgement is responsible for incalculable harm, shame, and fear. Nobody has to 'get right with god', as we all already are. The heart of life is good, as John Meyer put it. A line in a pop song but possibly the most important thing the world needs to hear right now.
@@MrDblStop Passion comes from the heart. Agree? For people to co-exist and to have the best environment to thrive, People should obey the principles of love right? Ex: Stealing is against the principles of love. We would not steal from the one we love and hurt them. There is a design that works best that has principles of love as foundation for the people to co-exist and to thrive.That design is put together and will be established by the almighty God. Say for example, a school or college or office will have standard time to report, break timings and rules and responsibilities. It is good for everyone. When someone says I will do whatever holds good for me, just include me in the design, make adjustments, the organisation will not agree because it will affect others as well. There are rules to comply. It is good for us. It is there to protect us. I literally prayed one day, Lord, if we don't comply then we will end up in hell is not motivating. (lol) The fear of complying will not motivate but you know what motivates, the Passion to be a good person. What is good? Look to the one who is the standard of good - Lord Jesus Christ, who led by example how a man should be.. such bravery and boldness I have not seen in any.
I totally agree that the narcissist in our life appears to be so much bigger and more powerful than they really are. It's so weird how this happens. It's only through talking with a therapist / objective person that I was able to fully realise this. I'm not convinced, though, that any science or peer reviewed study, can provide a more accurate map than one that is found and trodden by self aware survivors who have mindfully (and with help from a therapist), navigated those maps themselves. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, I look forward to hearing more from you about rethinking narcissism.
I’ve cleaned my room, and I wear socks lol. Honestly Richard I simply enjoy your thoughts, opinions and character all together. Thank you for all your help. Sending much love and light your way.❤
Getting out of it when you are not “in love” is hard. That was my first go around and it lasted five years. I got out of the relationship on my own. I didn’t need any research on narcissism. I just realized that he made me feel like crap and it was all about him and so I eventually left even though I was scared of him. I was single for a couple years thought I’d done a good amount of healing and met my current soon to be ex. Head over heels in love. 13 years of broken promises and cheating. When I’m sacrificing everything for him and not causing him any problems as he sees it me having any issues with his behavior is me causing problems things are amazing. The sex is incredible. But I always end up being hurt. It’s taken a lot of these videos for me to really see what is happening with him. I was under quite a spell. But I started seeking more clarity as more things didn’t set right. Without these videos I don’t think I would have ever seen through him. I’m still struggling with ending the relationship. I think it’s just hard for some of us. It’s a long process to get out of it. Some people never do!
Thank you for saying this aloud, Dr. Grannon. For some time, I've been aware that had I been healthy, I'd have kicked the narcissists in my life to the curb years earlier. Actually, they did the kicking I allowed. I still experience confusion and PTSD, but awareness of my own challenges, which opened doors wide to narcissistic abuse, is crucial. We may not always like what you have to say, but we would all be wise to listen.
@@looneylobster I saw a Pyschiatrist yesterday who was clueless on the subject. I'm not saying all of them are but it was a complete waste of time and money so i think i'll stick with Richard.
@@superdeeptom I agree. But that wasn't the point of my correction:) It's just too easy to spread misinformation on the internet nowadays, so lets just try to stick with the facts- was my point. Grannon rules. Peace.
@@user-uq6ic8pw8x My two choices at the end of the 'diagnosis' were a follow-up session to establish whether i had Adhd and a recommendation for antidepressants. I was shocked as I'm almost 100% certain i have prolonged grief disorder and Cptsd. I agree with you sadly ! Also an expensive way to find out. Richard has said on more than one occasion ' Nobody is coming to save you '. I'm interested to see what he has to say a week on Sunday.
I hadn't watched a video from you going back to the Spartan stuff. I watch you now because your just so funny and a great communicator. Healing is a growth that adds talent and the subconscious never stops doing it.
"Go to therapy, don't watch RUclips videos" 😏 Sounds like Mental health commercial 🤑🤑 I waste so much money on therapy and I got gaslighting by coauches, conselours and psycology. My perspective about that Is different.
I was only sixteen, and was in therapy as a child to deal with all the stuff my family did. .??? I’m not sure what your getting at because I don’t relate with this. I think you are internalizing other peoples choices too much. I’d have to leave my family because that is where my problems start. I don’t need therapy but I do need to get out from under my husbands thumb.
jesus said, ''love others AS you love yourself.'' not more than- not instead of- not before... maya angelou said, '' if you want to know who someone REALLY is , wait a bit and let them show you''... carl jung said, '' you can control the amount of abuse/conditioning you receive through SELF MODIFIED BEHAVIOR.'' I SAY- STOP BLAMING EVERYONE FOR HOW YOU LET THEM CONTROL YOUR LIFE. PUT DOWN YOUR PHONE, GET UP AND TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR SELF-IMPOSED MATRIX! also, ty so much dr. brannon🤩
Christ is the darkest ideologies that have ever been conceived. As we were ALL born free and eternal, therefore who is that controlling narcissistic Jesus telling you otherwise that it can only happen through him ? Secondly, why the heck would I want to die FOR you and rob and steal your infinitely sacred and magical manifestations and revelations of experiencing death ? As I died loads of times in Ayahuasca ceremonies and eye would Never ever consider in a trillion years to take that powerful learning experience away from you (or anyone else). That's true divine love.
Eye can ask infinite questions about Nature, the infinite heavens, the infinite multi-dimensional universe and the Self, that we shamans have all the answers to, and you would not even be able to answer just one of them., As nothing is dar-.ker than your rel-igion.
Explain how your fictitious god is not the ultimate narcissist ? As narcs need to be praised/validated as they have zero self-awareness, and if you don't praise them they will punish you. Therefore by seeking to be worshiped you're admitting your god has absolutely no self-awareness and has no clue who it is.
And explain how you can possibly believe anything in a book with well over 1000 total and complete contradictions ?! No other book on the planet contains more lies/contradictions than yours. As it is the dar.-kest book ever written by ma
Looking forward to your new approach on this channel and thank you so much! I am ready to have a better look at myself in the mirror. Cuz I knew all the theory. 3 years later I've invited another narc into my life. And honestly, poor him (too). I was so thirsty for trauma bonding and so much in need for relief (I know now in rear view) that this (younger boy) never had a chance, never saw me coming. It's the first time in years when I deeply felt and understood that it's my fault as much as theirs.
Can I get some second opinions, please. I met a woman, older than me by 10 years, at a community garden that I volunteer at. After only a half a week of knowing each other she kept trying to buy things for me. I am currently unemployed and struggling to find employment. I did explain to her that I was wary of 'love bombing.' She claimed to know all about narcissist's due to her family abusing her for much of her life. Despite me setting a boundary she continued to insist on buying things. Mostly food. As we got to know each other more she began insisting things like. 'You need Jesus inside you.' One time she asked if she could pray over me. I said sure. Then she stated babbling in tongues. I was bemused but didn't say anything. Then came the controlling statements like forbidding me from doing things she though were gateways to demonic possession. The guy running the community gardens did a Native American Sweat Lodge and she forbid me for thinking of doing the same thing. She also forbade me from playing Dungeons and Dragons which is something I have had as a hobby since I was a teenager. I didn't let on that this was the case assuming she was just 'that kind of religious.' But then the belittling comments started. On New Years Eve she invited me to watch a fireworks display. When I got into her car I was wearing a rain coat because it was pouring with rain. She pat me on the head and said. 'Oh, you have all the gear, don't you.' This irked me as it was the kind of condescension my Mother and Grandmother regularly used on me as a child. Then two days later when we were in my house, having just finished looking through some of my photo albums from my world travels she did something that annoyed me enough to verbally explain my boundaries and how she was pushing them. She was sat on a sofa and I was in a wheelie office chair. Without saying anything she suddenly got up after the last photo album and began to shove me and the chair bodily across the room. At least two meters. I didn't shout or get angry. I held both hands up and told her to stop. I said that's not acceptable you are stepping over lines, pushing boundaries. Do not do that. I then went on to mention how it had made me uncomfortable with the patting on the head two nights before. She then sat back down on the sofa, immediately got out her phone and began to watch videos on facebook. I put on some youtube videos of the days geopolitics and started organizing my dinner in the adjoined kitchen. Twice I tried to engage her in conversation and she barely looked up from the phone and making no attempt to converse. Then she suddenly got up and said. 'Have a good evening.' And left. Two days later I got this text message. 'I'm sorry I gave you a fright the other night. I meant it in a playful way but it obviously didn't come across like that. I will not do it again. If you want some food or help with anything please ask or I'll just let you be.' She absolutely did not 'frighten' me. I'm 6"2 and she weighs about half my weight. And this feels like a gaslighting sorry not sorry apology. I replied 'Ok.' Then today she sent me a text trying to get me to agree for her to spend several hundred dollars on me to do a parasail over the lake we live next to. I replied 'No thanks. Save your money.' And got back 'Okay.' So I'm pretty sure this is a person I should avoid having any more 'connection' with. I will no doubt have to interact with her at the community gardens again. Opinions appreciated.
You already know the answer. Trust your instincts and go no to extremely low contact with this woman - if you see her in the community that's fine, but I would protect yourself and not make any plans nor do anything personal together nor would I rely on her for favors in any way.
@@snowfleece Thank you for your comment. Yes, I agree I already know the answer. I have just been second guessing myself but you are correct. I need to protect my heart. Thanks again. Much appreciated. :)
Wow...perfectly said. That's it exactly. Trauma leads us down an unconscious rabbit hole exactly as you've said here that we don't really want to get out of. Not necessarily always through the narcissism spaces online but in other ways-- over romanticising life, as you said. And yes therapy is the only way when you're this entrenched. I need to start again. I always start and stop. Great video. I wish I could come to the seminar.
I don't even know if there are normal girls on this world. 6 years of fighting for her happines and now when I know how codependent I was my entire life I decided to stay my position because I don't want to hurt her and I fear a failure I'll become without her. Tha f*ck is wrong with me?
I appreciate this. I am the child of a covert narcissism, who repeated the pattern throughout adulthood finding it attractive...and I have been needing a new way to conceptualize narcissistic abuse b/c I default to fight response, resentment, hate, etc. Thank you!
going Live in 60 mins ruclips.net/video/tSJqRvnSRUw/видео.html
I sent you a message on here. I am just curious if you know a therapist that would be good for me to see in my country here. I'm not sure where abouts you are I am in Vancouver BC Canada but I don't trust at all easy. So if you know of someone I would appreciate to know. I was in therapy already for 7 years with 4 sessions a week to get my D.I.D partly under control and figures out. Which funny story I found out I have it while my husband and I were in couples therapy where of course we were told to tell each other how we feel. Not realizing it gave him so much amo against me. I use to have great self esteem and sense of dignity. He ripped it away from me. I need to get divorced and I have been separated for over 5 years. Why can't I get away. I live in my own place. I know my alters still are in Contact with him. I keep trying to get them to stop. I need help to get a divorce
Hello Richard, could you do a talk on the origins of schizophrenia. You did before, a few years ago but I can't find it. It talked about toxic family relationships that are so dangerous they cause psychosis. Thank you. Could you also about recovering memories of abuse that leads to delusional psychosis. Thank you. Lillian
“Before enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment; chop wood, carry water.” - Zen Kōan
Thanks Richard means alot to hear back from you 🙏 i always say they should clone you 🤣 only messing just need more line you in this crazy sensitive world 🌎 take care of you 🙏
ADD / CPTSD / NPD / CNPD / BPD / Empath
Variations on a theme? Co-dependencies? Attractors? Repellors?
Listening to this guy always give me this vibe that he has a very pure heart and actually is full of live
Love? Is 'live' a typo? It kinda works anyway!
@@MrDblStop not a typo but both works
All you gotta do is lookup - ' Gaddis The Ayahuasca Wave '.... and have the Narc read that entire page. .
@@robertdemeter5793 what's that about?
Spot on. I eventually got to the point where it p1ssed me off that i was spending all my mental energy on the narc and understanding their misbehaviours and none of it on me. It was only at that point that I saw myself as a main character in my own life and not simply an extra in theirs.
I just read "Wake Up And Live!" (goofy title from the 30's) by Dorothea Brande and it's not about narcissistic abuse recovery BUT IT IS, though. It's about this twilight nether-region we find ourselves in after. Not everybody lands in that space because of narcissistic abuse but those who have analyzed the narcissist to death and know all those buzzwords and still feel like they're in quicksand, I think that's where they are. And the book is about that. And what I love about it, and why I heartily recommend it to everyone reading this, is that it not only helps you figure out some shit ABOUT YOU, not about the narc, and helps you PICK A DIRECTION to go in INSTEAD of further analysis of shit you already know, is that it also does a teensy bit more reassuring about the resulting adulthood (tidying your room and doing your taxes and such) than our beloved Richard did here. When you are On Your Own Shit, you DO get dopamine. When you find quality people who are also done sleepwalking or staying small or whatever their flavor of it was, you CAN get and give real encouragement. And when you're doing the kind of satisfying work that lights you up and that you cannot dig into UNTIL you have grown up, you do receive in response a pleasure that is greater than your sleepwalking or your subservience or whatever your flavor was. You know all the shit, you are safe. Now get up and wipe the crust from your eyes and ENJOY what comes after the unfortunate time you're now skillfully walking away from! ❤
I’ve been watching your channel on and off for several years now. What I appreciate most about your channel is both the perspective of personal responsibility and the high level of nuance that almost all the other channels WILL NOT GET INTO. It seems that they want to keep it in the us vs them, nothing us the abused do is our fault, we have no choice even though we are now aware that we do these things and here are the excuses we should be telling ourselves so we feel better, never actually heal so we keep coming back for more feel good. I admit that’s a bit tinfoil hat, but maybe it’s not, time will tell I guess. Thank you for all you do and all those that share to help us all grow.
To help others understand the abuse cycle of narcissism on a much deeper level, you MUST be able to see that is completely impossible to have any sort of deep conversation with them regarding ANY topic that requires inner depth, as they have ZERO depth within, as hells within hells are within them, hence why anything to do with them is so shallow. And when you simply bring up ANYTHING that requires any depth, they will immediately shut down the conversation, deflect, and label/blame shift playing their silly 'victim card'. Again, none of this is 'personal' as there is nobody inside them in the first place.
Eye will reveal 4 strikes eye gave the Narc in the 8th and final phase/cycle of the "on and off" nonsense over a nine year period that ended in 2011. This final phase occurred twelve years ago. Eye knew full well this was the last straw and it was either going to work or end forever.
An example of this is we initially met over a rock band, the band was Tool. During that final month she asked me what my favorite Tool song was - my answer was the song 'Reflection' .. and her response was dead silence, as she had no clue what to say, she couldn't even muster to ask why, as talking to a brick wall is far better than any conversation with her as she has zero depth, as at least a brick wall can respond with echoes. Of course the lyrics explicitly state the word 'Narcissism', and she is so shallow with absolutely no depth whatsoever she can listen to that song every day for the rest of her life and she will still have no clue what the song means. Keep in mind this is her favorite band, Nevermind the fact that Alex Grey is the Artist for Tool and he has taken Ayahuasca and DMT well over 3O times, another thing that goes way above her head as she has zero inner depth whatsoever, everything about her is shallow.
Strike 2 - she claimed for the first time I reminded her of the guy who sexually abused her, a guy she claimed sexualy abused her 10 years before she met me, and who she couldn't stop talking about the first night I met her, nevermind the fact I treated her with utmost respect physically over those years, more than any man ever will, again narcissists always play the victim role no matter what.
Strike 3 - I started researching Ayahuasca in 2007, and 2011 brought it up to her that I wanted to take the medicine and experience Ego-Death and experience the other side and grow spiritually. Before I could even end the sentence, she shut me down responding with " I'll die when I die' with incredible trepidation and fear in her voice. She immediately and desperately attempted to change the subject, She had no clue I could have talked about the subject for 3 more hours as I had done tons of research at that point. But again, it is impossible to have any deep and meaningful conversation with a complete narcissist, as there is absolutely nobody inside. Asked myself what the heck is the point of seeking a future with her if she is constantly in fear of talking about the deepest subject matters of life/death, and everything in between. I knew at that time any further interaction with her would be pointless and meaningless.
Strike 4 - She came out and stated out of the blue that she is a "Nympho", followed by stating she is very dirty. And this was during the "push" part of her narcissist cycle. It all started to make sense to me. It was so easy to forget about her after that point, it was effortless really,
With that said , Mother Ayahuasca in 2012 had me purge the endless poisons from her narcissism forever. Erased her completely, vomited her endless lies, darkness and poisons she tried to implant in me and flushed her down the toilet forever where she belongs. Ayahuasca then said - do you want to follow the dark creature narcissist that only wants to give you nightmares and horrors ? Or do you choose me, who will heal you from everything at lightning speed and I will give you everlasting light within you so strong you'll burst, I will take you through all the heavens and I will make you one of the wisest and most powerful shaman healers that ever lived to destroy narcissism on this planet. I will then give you a human woman filled with light that will love you the way you deserve to be loved.
Guess which path I chose !! ;- )
Thank you for this new direction Richard. I’ve felt for a long time that there’s a dearth of recovery strategies for the codependent. So much has been focused on the narcissist. We need an equal wealth of terminology, framework and strategies around the deficits that make us vulnerable. One of the most helpful paradigm shifts from your work for me was emotional literacy. Thanks as always and keep up the good work!!
Taking responsibility for MY responsibility in allowing my trauma to rule my life was a HUGE turning point for me. Having a Victim mentality is an essential factor, that needs to be addressed, before attempting to take back control of our lives and emotions. It was a hard pill to swallow that I ALLOWED abusive things to transpire in my life. Many of my painful life circumstances could have been prevented had I believed in my ability to WALK AWAY.
Yes to this!!!! I am realizing that as well the more I keep away and keep focused on healing. It's true though that knowledge is power.
Well said. …I didn’t know what I didn’t know.
Just to clarify, I don't want my post to sound like I'm saying I was responsible for the abuse I went thru. Or that simply "walking away" is always the solution. My self-worth had been shattered into a million pieces at a very young age, and THAT was absolutely NOT my doing. What I now take responsibility for, in my adult years, is not having strong enough inner convictions & courage to face my own demons and metaphorically tell them to GTFOH. It's honestly taken me YEARS of inner reflection to finally realize I never deserved being treated that way . And that I had every right to tell toxic people to get the hell out of my life.
💘
All you gotta do is lookup - ' Gaddis The Ayahuasca Wave '.... and have the Narc read that entire page.
Online, a mountain lurks inside every molehill, slowly infecting the body memetic. We territoritally troll each other because we can’t control the map. Biding the calm, before our own tsunami.
I didn’t know what narcissist Abuse was until I was discarded. Other people who knew my ex opened my eyes and I selfstudy to keep myself from a similar relationship ever happening again. I thought I had done enough therapy at the timeI met him. I began therapy again after this revelation and have been in it for YEARS.
Same here. Once I was discarded and she was engaged a week later I was left wondering wtf just happened. Luckily, like your case I was able to talk to past friends of hers and put together a pattern of behavior thus leading me to HPD.
Renfield was a great slap to my face about my life
There are communities on here that work through the post narcissism education work together though. I've been part of one for over a year and going through the standard stages of narc education, then figuring out what brought you to codependency, pulling away from family members and friends accordingly, then the work to discover who you are and how to start to care for yourself properly (exercise, sleep, nutrition, addressing health issues, decluttering, information diet, etc), then the nervous system work. I like where you're going with this but I disagree that therapy is needed, when there are supportive communities that can be joined and accountability partners to work with. That help you move from a place of being a victim to counting the entire experience as a huge blessing
Thanks for sharing. I'd be interested in those communities if you'd be willi g to share. ❤
@@lauramytunes Hi Laura, sure, I'd suggest checking out the community sections on different narc channels, find one that has a high level of interaction and where the types of interaction feel supportive and positive and comfortable for _you_ and then start interacting daily, share what you are working on, get to know people and what they are working on and before you know it you will be part of a community that you click with that you can gain and share wisdom on how to move forward. At the end of the day the only way to move through this is with a high level of self discipline and dedication, but I think that would be the case with therapy too. But I think a community helps you see first hand from others, the benefit of building this in yourself. Hope this helps
@@_Louise__ thank you for taki g the time to comment and sorry for just getting back to you . I am not a big commenter because i have a hard time keeping up with notifications and replies. I found 1 channel with good community that i like alot it's called NARCDAILY have you heard of it?
Yes, I’ve seen this. I joined two fb groups for male victims of narcissistic abuse. I promptly left the group after seeing the first couple posts. I don’t need to hear other people’s horror stories. I don’t even want to hear or tell mine anymore.
That was solid, concrete information. We should all take personal responsibility for how see things, how we hear things, how we understand things, how we react to things and how we speak. Thank you
Love your sense of humor, Richard. I think you’re hilarious. I know you’re going to knock it out of the park at your London seminar. Can’t make this one but hope to catch one down the road. Cheers
I thought the narcissist was a monster. Now that I am grown up I understand more the behavior pattern and motivations of the narcissist are rooted in fear. A severely damaged, mentally dwarfed, literally completely childish mind at work, in effort to achieve its end of attaching itself to someone- someone to help it 'grow up' and give what it needs. It is disturbing and bizarre, and less so when you are educated about the behavior.
Right this is why all the you tube coaches don't teach enough to get the h out of the situation . It's keeping us in a loop . I was thinking about this this week .
What about someone who married a woman who was the abuser- and he could never get away from her- and never loved her but ended up marrying her, because breaking up with her never worked. And they ended up just settling. She abused her husband and kids- with financial, emotional, and mental abuse. Also abused narcotics and any form of alcohol she could get, and sexual violence paired with many infidelities. All while being a sloth and never working- or paying off any of her own debt. Still barely works and she is a grandma age now- with grown kids from before this coupling- she never paid a dime for any of her kids. And the father got away, but abuse continues through the kids? She played them all against each other- and prefers her golden child. She identifies with her golden child a LOT. It’s such a hard situation as the children are now young adults and perpetuate same abuses the mother did. And are not independent. It’s such a clusterfuck. How do you prepare yourself against children- that Aren’t on their own? And still are attached to abuser and you share parenting time with the abuser until kids are grown- but they still live between both parents homes. How do you help yourself against CHIDREN raised by abusers? And become like them, by modeling the abuser’s behaviors ? With her being an adult who never worked she did all the things with kids while dad worked 80 or more hours each week.
I remember him saying he wasnt doing more narc videos and people should stop watching narc videos. Sad.
I have never been able to find a therapist, at least in the US, who knew my ex-husband as well as myself enough to say either one of us had narcissistic personality. I’ve been in therapy for years and got very little help, which is why I cruise on RUclips, looking for some answers as to why I still have not recovered, 15 years later and I’m constantly longing for my ex back in my life. I have no clue if he was narcissistic or I was narcissistic neither of us were or what happened but it was chaos and I have always been of the belief that it was me, so now, what do I do? I am lonely and haven’t found anything that helps me. I just believe that I made the biggest mistake of my life leaving hoping I would feel better only to find out that I was a mess even out of the relationship. I don’t think everybody who is watching unless tubes on narcissism are doing so because they don’t want to go to therapy, I think it’s because therapists are not educated in this too any extent, and some therapist will even minimize or disregard altogether. Any talk about personality disorders. I recently tried it with a therapist that I’ve known for about a year and she shut that down fast.
I'm glad & stunned you are coming awake. Thanks for the video. There is much more to say about the map & youtube videos but please get stronger to acknowledge how people have been treated by the youtubers content & format, it's hard to bear. And really how intense the narcissist is depicted is foolish, I have known for years. Know you do not know what the youtubers did to us. I was manipulated before & I think it was highly immoral. They have a control issue and make you on guard like an ex police officer cult leader. I am an HSP so I have noticed tons of issues. This comment section says the videos focus on the narc and not yourself, every video is identifying the survivor and your deep issues, it's biased. And they present a fork in the road. I would like a history of survivors to point out how much what youtubers said could not even connect. I would understand it being unacceptable to America. Of course we'd want an end to or needed discourse for unbearable psychological abuse but there are more kinds that you also shouldn't endure as well. HSP refuge has been pretty safe for people, if anyone reading this needs. You deserve support that isn't full of the jargon. Guess what I know you're not crazy if you are mad at or have grief about Dr Ramani!! I feel threatened by her, still today & have to read books about mental illness as a topic to adjust the well.
I don't mean to shame watching videos, I know I scroll past many of the titles but others I save. You know what you're doing. But I would appreciate less likes on videos if you can practice what you believe that it's ok to not or share what you think pressing dislike.
Such a great video... Taking responsibility for my part of it which after participating in Therapy I can see. Letting go of the victim mentality and making the changes inward that I need to to change this cycle and pattern I keep repeating in my life. Lot's of hard work, self reflection and support!
There are alllot of people that the government dont help. And not everyone earns or can work to pay the bills for help from no government institutions. Plus there is a waiting lists for over years in the netherlands. we need videos like this.
You have opened my eyes to the relationship I was in for years. My husband was ghosting me for years. I am a man and I thought I was strong in my resolve. However I found myself acting like a child around him after a while because I was so beyond exacerbated by him. He also used my D.I.D against me. I am separated now and have been for over five years. I am struggling to get a divorce and I can't figure out why!?!?!? I want it but for some unknown reason I haven't even able to do it. I know I want to be free and happy, why can't I simply go get the divorce? Why???? I can't figure it out and it's plaguing me. I live alone with my two awesome dogs but I know my alters are still in contact which drives me mental, for lack of a better way to say that but it's true! There are times I think the only way I will get out fully is if he dies or I die. Not that I would harm him. He has harmed me tho. But I wish I could just get away and out
I feel your pain. Recognize that the trauma you experienced when young was so severe that you developed DID in the first place. You may not be able to talk or intellectualize your way out of it. But your alters may begin to trust you when you make choices that create a safer space for them than the narcissist could. Write a list of the ways you’ve been harmed by the narcissist as a reminder to the parts that tend to fall into delusion. The struggle is real.
God, everything you say is so true that it gives me flashbacks just listening you. Eventually, the only way out was the most brutal thing I'd ever done-- I had to tell her, over and over, scream it to her face, that I didn't love her and that I had never loved her. And the whole time I knew it wasn't true. I was mad for her, but I couldn't take it any more. I had to rip her out of my life. This is the first time I've ever told anyone about that...
Grsat Talk - - Than you Richard -- I am saving this to my library to listen to again and to have handy for mature ready friends that may benefit from it. Warm Regards and Healthy Wishes to You.
So helpful and informative, Thanks so much for your uploads and content!
All you gotta do is lookup - ' Gaddis The Ayahuasca Wave '.... and have the Narc read that entire page. .
My brother is the narc. Twelve years older. I was born with a knife aimed at my back. It is possible to move on and watch those blessings flood in. Havent seen him in three years. I had a run in with him today. He is still in victim mode.
Thank you for talking about this.
It's nice to see someone tackling the way out. There's many videos that a person can point to and say wow .. that's me yep ... but what's the solution?
I'm trying to find what my flaws are as I'm now going through a major breakup from what I suspect to be a covert narssissist, my head is slowly coming back out my own arse, time is a healer I'm told, so here's hoping
Is it your belief that a person who is unusually humble, reflective, aware of their own biases and takes full responsibility for their part can heal themselves without therapy?
I can't answer for him, but I can answer with my own experience and I'm going to say yes, because I'm currently doing it, but with Truth, Love and Wisdom.
I believe so. I believe, as an old guy who has done this stuff for a while, that we have an innate healing function which is always trying to restore us to our original 'plan', and grow us into our original potential for who we can be. With awareness, paying attention to our feelings, thoughts, reactions, dreams and so on, and support from the things which keep us 'plugged in' and resourced, I tend to see healing as inevitable. It's a force of nature which has a direction of movement, like water constantly wearing away resistances as it finds its way back to the ocean.
Therapy/therapies may aid that process. But ultimately it is that healing function which does the work; “The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient, while nature cures the disease”, Voltaire. I've been in talk therapy in the past and it was very useful. But in the years since leaving a narcissistic abusive relationship I haven't felt the need to do that again.
6:30-7:07 He pretty much says so in this video imo.
@@SabinevandenOetelaarGood spot.👍 I suspect it is the case. I was curious to his point of view and the viewers if possible.
What about a phd. psychologist covert narc? Now that's quite a mind f.
Yes, it is true.
I definitely needed to hear all of this ❤
I'm going to therapy but I tried saying my mom was a narcissist and my therapist said well I can't diagnose her. Which made me feel like she didn't believe me. I'm still trying to work up the courage to tell my therapist that my mom and my sister both are narcissistic because they're different kinds. I think if I show her your videos then she'll understand better
Thanks!
Richard……you’re freaking hilarious! You just validated me because I just started therapy!! Whoop whoop. I got to the point in the videos that I said to myself “ok I know everything…….how to I move on and function in this world for the rest of my time in it”?!
I am actually surrounded by narcissists but I still love them. Don’t matter they can’t love. That’s them. So how do I function and be happy. Is it dangerous to just be my normal self without letting them know my boundaries until they cross them?
Thank you
i saw the movie~ it' great~~ there is that one scene in the apt. that cracks me up~~
Not everyone can afford therapy.
My ex-wife ghosted me only after 2 years and I had no clue
I told I didn't feel loved and she ran right back to Mommy and Daddy
"If it doesn't bring peace, profits, or purpose then don't give it your time, energy, or attention."
-- Morgan Richard Olivier
The Lord said "do you want to be healed?" Then pick up your pallet and walk.
Explain how your fictitious god is not the ultimate narcissist ? As narcs need to be praised/validated as they have zero self-awareness, and if you don't praise them they will punish you. Therefore by seeking to be worshiped you're admitting your god has absolutely no self-awareness and has no clue who it is.
Christ is the darkest ideologies that have ever been conceived. As we were ALL born free and eternal, therefore who is that controlling narcissistic Jesus telling you otherwise that it can only happen through him ? Secondly, why the heck would I want to die FOR you and rob and steal your infinitely sacred and magical manifestations and revelations of experiencing death ? As I died loads of times in Ayahuasca ceremonies and eye would Never ever consider in a trillion years to take that powerful learning experience away from you (or anyone else). That's true divine love
Subconsciously, chris-tians hope to see all life and the planet de-stroyed ASAP.. What could possibly be more narcissistic than that ?.
And explain how you can possibly believe anything in a book with well over 1000 total and complete contradictions ?! No other book on the planet contains more lies/contradictions than yours. As it is the dar.-kest book ever written by man
@@robertdemeter5793 With all due respect, I'll keep you in prayer.
In addition to internalizing instruction and forming a conscience, without introjects as internalized representations of familiar people, out of sight would equal out of mind- we could not form stable attachments or develop faithful relationships (ASPD?). Narcissistic abuse and attachment injury exploit and pervert this process , especially when it occurs very young and THAT is what drives ongoing susceptibility to narcissistic abuse. While it is useful to understand the dynamics of BOTH SIDES of the trauma bond, no amount of obsessing over "The Narc" will heal the injury, which is easier said than done if you're older, have a long history of abuse, or P.D. adaptations. Best to deal with it sooner rather than later.
Interesting that you introduced the spiritual symbolism of the staff of Asclepius and the Caduceus and its connection to Hermes and commerce, I began researching this recently- it puts the entire modern medical model into perspective, doesn't it? Asclepius is the healer, but has conveniently been replaced.
Let's get this zombie apocalypse over with and stop the madness of modernity while we can still sorta tell the difference, there's nothing like fighting the walking dead together to remind us of our common humanity😉. "...you'll see tiny figures pounding corn and laying strips of venison to dry on the carpool lane of an abandoned superhighway eight lanes wide and August-hot for a thousand miles."
- Chuck Palahniuk "Fight Club"
That Jordan Peterson moment at 7:56 made my day :)))
Besides, all honest true.
Watched Renfield. It was a great movie to watch with the perspective you e spoken about in previous videos.
Once one reads the Word of God they do not shut the Book and proclaim "I know all I need to know. Now I Am free" no, one Must keep the Book open and re-visit it Daily being aware at anytime evil will strike.. The amour of God starts with Wisdom.
When my journey towards individualisation started i was asked if i lived my life again would i do what ive done again.? If i lived on my own would i buy a picture for me to look at on my wall? And the most important thing i did was in the words of shakespire. To thine own self be true. And it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false with any man (or woman)
I think that for all our technical prowess, our understanding of the self and our consciouness is not even in the bronze age, we are somewhere between rock and bone. Social media is showing this in spades as it seems, to me, to be driving an entire segment of the population insane (or just keeping them there) - as a parent I have seen its impacts, and worry constantly about my teenage daughters. So I do think (hope?) we are past time for a major shakeup of how we handle all the PD categories and also how we can heal and be responsible for our own mental health. I hope it also leads to positive treatments for people because I hope that every person can have a path to a healthy life and the best version of themselves.
And while we all sit here and consume youtube videos - ask yourself what do I do with that knowledge? Are you also seeing a therapist, or at least a friend who you can talk things through with? Do we sit and ponder what we learn from the youtube videos? Or do we just look for another video with a click-baity title? How often do we do the hard work of talking/listening with ourself? At the end of the day, all of this happens inside our own skulls - where only we generally have control. We might cede the control to others and/or pretend we don't have the control - but we do, and with it the responsibility to do the work to care for ourselves. And it is work. Videos alone are not enough. So care for yourself the same way you would care for your child - you *do* deserve it. I am excited for Richard Grannon's future videos and the work that it will entail, and the discussions I will have with my therapist. The future me is out there, and only the current me stands in my way.
Sweet Love of God Richard....Stop. Stop already
My narc has psychic abilities..OMG, endless supply
Thaaaanks n God Bless u
Can u plz look into psychic abilities in a narc
Hello Richard my mother was a narcissist
can you recommend youtube video about how healthy mind works and what abusive people know about healthy mind so that they are capable of breaking people's healthy minds ? It makes me wonder why abuse works ? Abusers abuse people because they know abuse works on people. How is this possible that abuse works on people ? why people break under the influence of abuse ?
I do have a questions..narcissists if they have no choice let's say and only bcuz we all kno they would never decide for their own to go to therapy and heal themselves.. is there any chance in the world for them to recuperate?!...and am asking this from only 1 point of view which u have mentioned here...that we all humans carrying each own traumas and blockages and unresolved these and that's. Couldn't agree more! Also to the fact that this desire for healing needs to come from within! Only that for some only comes when they literally have no other choice and or option. And considering the tremendous number and rising of narcissists all over...how we doin?! For I see em demons now. Correlating it to spirituality which let's say it's higher perspective of religions united. For how long humanity gonna chose am asking myself to let these characters walk freely hurting inevitably and irreversibly often times others and sooner or later own kind. And as in for spell work...don't u know or never heard of brainwashing ppls minds with the TV?! Music movies..?! Uh well spells are just words casted and thrown upon vulnerable minds. Personally I see it a very big issue here for energy transfer is very real. And beyond the logical minds limitation of accepting 'the magical" stuff it's what the ocults and or religious groups since fo ever counted upon. Ones existence is far more complex directly proportional with the human minds unconscious. And with the whole humility I consider that these mnetal iln3sses the root for physical ones as well need a holistic method of healing Integrating all them pieces of puzzles all together. For reality is not just this or that. Nor those or those. It's whole. And also often times mental illnesses are blockages in this process of awakening to the wholeness of reality. The approach of ignoring and or isolating the I'll ones letting them decide..to heal or not when they not in their right minds hurting themselves and everything surrounding for me personally it's juts meeh. But...I'm not that narcissistic anymore to want that others comprehend where I'm coming from or what I'm saying nor follow. I'm just asking myself questions in order to find solutions to shiet that bothers us all. And yea I personally take it to GoD which shows me stuff in front of me eyes. From psychiatric point of view...am I insane?! Out of my minds?! Probably that totally 🥹 but thank GoD!🫡✊️ I enjoy following u I get insights about specific techniques which helps me with this one for it seems I got so wounded that is hard to not giving them payback as in put them in their knees for their extreme fukkery and make an example out of them after I have learned that u beat the devil with own weapons, to block them put them in the corner expose turn on the sun's lights upon so bright to burn their eyes. Eventually they gonna fall in their knees to the ground. Searching for GoD. Or higher consciousness. Or deciding its time for them to heal after taking the embarrassment deep within🥹 may be mean for having this ambition but it's personal with my fam after a life time of fukkery. And I would totally go to therapy! Defineyly!! But what to do when blocked by these fukkers all my ways for recuperate and healing?! Hm?! U kno them..how they be doing
So fukk therapy we have war. Especially when ppl around don't wanna get involved rightfully and practically helping the one struggling to heal from these.
Anyway...🫡✊️🥹🤝💖🫶💓
"Renfield, the tortured aide to history's most narcissistic boss is forced to procure his master's prey and do his every bidding, no matter how debased. But now, after centuries of servitude, Renfield is ready to see if there's a life outside the shadow of The Prince of Darkness. If only he can figure out how to end his codependency."- Universal Pictures.
Wow, this stuff is becoming mainstream. I know the themes have been around for ever, but to see the language in a movie studio blurb is surprising.
Great video really agree with the content.. i have lots of my own thoughts on this
Looking for a video#
Richard was speaking and discussed how it's like being taken out into space and not having a tether. Heard this a while back and I'm wanting to find that video again if anyone can help?
Hi richard. I sent a comment 2 days prior this comment about a situation i found myself in. Can you please help me to understand if at all possible. Many regards phil.
im doing therapy on my own . all my life i felt like im the problem. i learned. a conflict always needs 2 . there are always 2 sides of a coin. NPD and CPTSD are the same coin. with CPTSD i thought, i am the victim. i didnt notice im also did quite a view narcisstic behavior patterns my self without even noticing. I also learned. If i take the 1st step, without dismissing healthy boundries. is a healthy way to gain further progress. I never had a offical diagnose about my CPTSD , because of flying monkeys in medic threatments in my childhood enviroment. trusting other ppl is like no possibility. i try , but there is a big wall. non the less in april im havin my 1st meeting with a therapist. I decided to fight against my anxities to get new pieces on to my map as well. Thx u look like the most critic person i found so far. and thats actually exactly what i was looking for. thank you so much. i love it
I set it all freeeeeeee ! ♪♪♪ ^^
Dear Richard, can you please answer me a question. If a codependent and narcissist are two sides of the same coin. Does that mean codependents cant heal and after idealising for decades do they then devalue and discard? Many regards Phil.
RUclips is much cheaper than therapy, but not such a good substitute. At all.
What is your academic background surrounding narcissism?
Yoo make a video on how to make a Narcissist wanna avoid being around you
Search for this : why you sleep in dinosaur pose.
Are you ok...? You look a bit out of yourself spaced out in this video. Take care of yourself Richard.
DAAAAAMMMNN, so Narcissist are now unwitting Lab Rats?
My personal take watching your content, you've taken too deep a dive at correcting or using strategy against what is, by your own definitions, an integral part of our community
The example of primordial treasure etc
The key to understanding the trait is dispersion. The person who fought tooth and nail for the marbles and his outlook vs the people he employs and perhaps their naive, thoughtless nature
You can't expect the former to be good at both dominion and understanding. It's his commitment to form which landed him spoils to begin with
Now we're asking the docile sunflower who don't have it in their code to be confrontational to tame the demon? It's a centuries old dialectic to play master and servant. The one who gets will always desire more. Their only relationship with you is whether they can continue to get through you
The rest pick daisies. It's just nature. Although I do think educating is on ways to unpack frustration and redress trauma is important from those reeling from abuse. The best we can hope for is to identify signs of narcissism in future relationships and minimize their effects. A person has to be willing to fight the temptation to be exploited and become oblivious to certain whiles
You give a thing a name and it loses power. More importantly once you allow the abuser emotions to feed, they're in there. So it's best to expose oneself to triggers so to not get so invested and riled up. It's a trap
Oh, dear. I thought... I was assuming. So: I identify -- rather fearfully -- with the "dark empath" character traits you describe in another video. Or rather, I identify with those traits in myself, but I *fear* them in myself; I *HATE* them in myself... because I recognize them as, in some way, a mirror image of those same traits in my mother. My mother, on the surface, at least in my adult life, had her life together, was a "pillar of the community," and so on. In private... up until I was about 7-8, she was WILDLY alcoholic, was having at least one affair, and so on. Now, she was the victim of her own tale, too -- generational trauma is... a shit show. But again, to me, she was just this manipulative, *highly* intelligent "god figure" (she's MOM... but she also had her own low 150's IQ, as well as a Masters degree in early *freaking* childhood* freaking *society*). So, that's my "dear god, never let me be that, I will blow my brains out if I become that" in my head, where I have... glimmers of it, but mostly I just see it as my archetype of my mother. So great: fuck. I'm a "dark empath." Because I do STRONGLY resonate with the fears of others, to where I used to think I was afraid of heights, until I realized that I was just picking up on OTHERS' fear of heights, etc. So... "dark empath." Damn.
But then you go on to say "fragile narcissist." Okay, well, people call me a narcissist. And I AM self-centered, but to me, it's always been because it feels like, inside of me, I HURT. I just can't explain it better than that. Some days, that hurt may be anxiety, some days, depression. Some days it's just a vague, bored sense of ennui, of meaninglessly frittering away the moments that make up the dull day (if you'll allow my Pink Floyd reference). But "in my head hurts" and thus my inner gaze feels relentlessly drawn back and back and back to my inner pain. This feels... natural; not personal. It's hard to be empathic about your friend's boring day when it feels like inside, your mental house is on fire. So, great. I'm "just a narcissist."
Except, again: I don't really FEEL like the abuser. My instincts tell me I am the abused. I've never assaulted or raped or tortured anyone. I've had dark, violent thoughts but... I know right from wrong, and even when it's different from what "society" says is right or wrong, I am very often guided by an inner moral compass that seems (to me) MUCH stronger than your "average guy's." Most people just don't seem to... care about morality. I care very DEEPLY... it's just that my morality may... "look different" than whatever normal morality looks like. So... I'm not "evil."
So, fuck, dude. What AM I? The victim, or the oppressor? Good guy, or bad? Was I abused, or am I abusing those around me? Am I psychology's bogeyman? Or just a normal, emotionally neglected and slightly stunted smart guy who's being overly angsty?
See... this is why I'm not overly interested in psychotherapy. Y'all can't even seem to settle on *terms*.
Oh hell no 🖐️are you telling cupcakes to pull their own head out of their own arse and be accountable? 😂
I agree with you. Individuals need to understand their flaws to avoid repeating falling into unhealthy relationships again!
It's not always flaws. It is "simply" toxic shame internalized inside us: conviction which tells us that we are bad person in our core, inept and worthless. And then this is layered and covered up - and we have no idea that this basic view is a motor which brings on bad decisions in life repeatedly.
In the movie Oppenheimer - he did his job, he had his task to do - and he was accused by treason by narcissistic person Strauss - who was convinced that Oppie talked bad about him with Einstein. Strauss assumed that due to his egocentrism that people only talk about him. Strauss was abuser here. He saw offense where there was none. He was delusional. He had paranoia and projected it onto totally innocent person - and almost sentenced Oppie to death - just because of his imaginary world.
In most cases this is what happens to us - which triggers our trauma - we are accused by mentally ill monsters about things we never did - and then we believe that we did something wrong and that we have flaws, and that we must fix ourselves and that it is our fault to be abused.
We put burden on ourselves for having burdens.
When in reality - there is absolutely nothing wrong with us. We were simply a target for some very disturbed sick mentally ill parasites and predators who society cannot recognize as someone who needs to be institualized and put away from society to cause harm to.
All you gotta do is lookup - ' Gaddis The Ayahuasca Wave '.... and have the Narc read that entire page. .
@@robertdemeter5793 Interesting, care to share some points from that Gandolf WAve resource?
You're right, they're pathetic and I'm fed up of other people giving them this power that they don't deserve!
Finding a therapist that can actually help seems and feels near impossible
The challenge is finding a therapist who isn't a narcissist! These "therapists" are very dangerous people who can/do destroy lives.
Truth! Unfortunately some therapists can be very dangerous, and you’re already in a vulnerable place. There are good ones though who can make a difference. I guess I would say self-work with support is crucial, rather than just always focusing on the narcissist or other harmful people. Therapy is also expensively out of reach now too. Buyer beware on the help though. Richard has courses which he has evolved over the years and I trust them and his work.
Try relationshiphero, you can Google this. So far I’ve had a consultation for $1 for 15 min just to have an initial intro, and I’m very impressed so far. She made me feel heard, valued, and like I wasn’t going crazy. They can talk at ANY hour of the day depending on what time you go on their site. I think my counselor was in Australia? (I’m in the US). Best of luck!
It's so hard to get over a narcissist, because we've split them into 2 internal objects: the good and bad person. Merging them is painful and holding onto the good object gives comfort. In therapy, they try to get you to kick out the good object and focus on the bad.
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Narcissism has become a trend online. Every one is a Narcissist. I've been in a relationship of this kind for 3 years, I left no contact but stalking me for 6 yrs after. I started watching videos to heal but found them all repetitive and seemed to become more of a victim. So I cut them all off and examined myself, why I went into this relationship healing myself in the process. I've never looked back. I watched this video bc I was interested in your take on it. I agree with all you are saying. These videos can make you into a perpetual and an eternal victim unless you look at yourself. Painful but true
Please consider this: the fact that you mention that he was still stalking you after 6 years also suggests something else. I believe that you haven't examined this (for your own sake in your next relationship)
@Micheleparadis2808
What is this something else. All I know is that I worked on myself staying single for many years afterwards. I had to take responsibility in the part I played the choices I made. It was real hard working on myself, my issues rather than concentrating on the narcissist and his faults. This is why I stopped watching narcissist videos.
Now I am happily married, a relationship completely opposite to what I had before. But it took, me changing my behaviour, my reactions to do it.
Good for you!
Never met one teurapist aware about The problem.
It makes me feel alone.
Psychologist are able to define the problem but the solution they don't say. How come there will be a problem without solution?
I cried out to the Lord Jesus Christ and got my answer.
Read Psalm 12
The problem is spiritual and the attacks are spiritual. Hence without God's help no one is able to withstand the attack. They either destroy themselves or destroy others and die at the end. To be able to do good we need the strength from the lord.
Clearly the fruits of the spirit are love,joy,peace,patience,kindness,gentleness,goodness,faithfulness and self-control. The narcissistic people are stealing the good fruits so that one might fall as the Bible says "The tree that does not bear good fruit will be cut down and cast into fire"
Please get right with God (if you haven't already)
It's worth it to keep looking, and also remember that it's 100% okay to interview a therapist. Ask them if they're experienced in this stuff and if they say no or give one of those nebulous non-answers, tell them thank you for your time and that's it. You don't have to waste any time, it's not rude or anything else bad. Actively search for a therapist who meets your needs and your standards, not by trial and error but by stating your needs and rejecting those who won't meet them. I'm sorry you haven't had a good time yet though, that does suck and it makes sense how you feel. Just don't give up, if you think therapy would help you then get you some. ❤
@@juliegeorge6227 The spritual process is synonymous with the psychological process. Neither of those are the exclusive domain of any one faith or belief system. Your book, with its message of judgement is responsible for incalculable harm, shame, and fear. Nobody has to 'get right with god', as we all already are. The heart of life is good, as John Meyer put it. A line in a pop song but possibly the most important thing the world needs to hear right now.
@@MrDblStop Passion comes from the heart. Agree?
For people to co-exist and to have the best environment to thrive, People should obey the principles of love right?
Ex: Stealing is against the principles of love. We would not steal from the one we love and hurt them.
There is a design that works best that has principles of love as foundation for the people to co-exist and to thrive.That design is put together and will be established by the almighty God. Say for example, a school or college or office will have standard time to report, break timings and rules and responsibilities. It is good for everyone. When someone says I will do whatever holds good for me, just include me in the design, make adjustments, the organisation will not agree because it will affect others as well. There are rules to comply. It is good for us. It is there to protect us.
I literally prayed one day, Lord, if we don't comply then we will end up in hell is not motivating. (lol)
The fear of complying will not motivate but you know what motivates, the Passion to be a good person. What is good? Look to the one who is the standard of good - Lord Jesus Christ, who led by example how a man should be.. such bravery and boldness I have not seen in any.
I totally agree that the narcissist in our life appears to be so much bigger and more powerful than they really are. It's so weird how this happens. It's only through talking with a therapist / objective person that I was able to fully realise this. I'm not convinced, though, that any science or peer reviewed study, can provide a more accurate map than one that is found and trodden by self aware survivors who have mindfully (and with help from a therapist), navigated those maps themselves. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, I look forward to hearing more from you about rethinking narcissism.
I’ve cleaned my room, and I wear socks lol. Honestly Richard I simply enjoy your thoughts, opinions and character all together. Thank you for all your help. Sending much love and light your way.❤
How about a narcissist psychiatrist boyfriend 😮... that was too much!!!!
Getting out of it when you are not “in love” is hard. That was my first go around and it lasted five years. I got out of the relationship on my own. I didn’t need any research on narcissism. I just realized that he made me feel like crap and it was all about him and so I eventually left even though I was scared of him. I was single for a couple years thought I’d done a good amount of healing and met my current soon to be ex. Head over heels in love. 13 years of broken promises and cheating. When I’m sacrificing everything for him and not causing him any problems as he sees it me having any issues with his behavior is me causing problems things are amazing. The sex is incredible. But I always end up being hurt. It’s taken a lot of these videos for me to really see what is happening with him. I was under quite a spell. But I started seeking more clarity as more things didn’t set right. Without these videos I don’t think I would have ever seen through him. I’m still struggling with ending the relationship. I think it’s just hard for some of us. It’s a long process to get out of it. Some people never do!
Thank you for saying this aloud, Dr. Grannon. For some time, I've been aware that had I been healthy, I'd have kicked the narcissists in my life to the curb years earlier. Actually, they did the kicking I allowed. I still experience confusion and PTSD, but awareness of my own challenges, which opened doors wide to narcissistic abuse, is crucial. We may not always like what you have to say, but we would all be wise to listen.
he's not a doctor, though :)
@@looneylobster I saw a Pyschiatrist yesterday who was clueless on the subject. I'm not saying all of them are but it was a complete waste of time and money so i think i'll stick with Richard.
@@superdeeptom I agree. But that wasn't the point of my correction:) It's just too easy to spread misinformation on the internet nowadays, so lets just try to stick with the facts- was my point. Grannon rules. Peace.
@@superdeeptom they are not only clueless some of them are nars themselves.
@@user-uq6ic8pw8x My two choices at the end of the 'diagnosis' were a follow-up session to establish whether i had Adhd and a recommendation for antidepressants. I was shocked as I'm almost 100% certain i have prolonged grief disorder and Cptsd. I agree with you sadly ! Also an expensive way to find out. Richard has said on more than one occasion ' Nobody is coming to save you '. I'm interested to see what he has to say a week on Sunday.
I hadn't watched a video from you going back to the Spartan stuff. I watch you now because your just so funny and a great communicator. Healing is a growth that adds talent and the subconscious never stops doing it.
"Go to therapy, don't watch RUclips videos" 😏 Sounds like Mental health commercial 🤑🤑
I waste so much money on therapy and I got gaslighting by coauches, conselours and psycology.
My perspective about that Is different.
Some of us just watch your videos because you're entertaining.
One day I won’t be financially dependent on my narc and WILL take your course!
Love this content Richard. So true. We have to take the lessons we learned from our encounter with a narcissist and grow.
I was only sixteen, and was in therapy as a child to deal with all the stuff my family did. .??? I’m not sure what your getting at because I don’t relate with this. I think you are internalizing other peoples choices too much. I’d have to leave my family because that is where my problems start. I don’t need therapy but I do need to get out from under my husbands thumb.
jesus said, ''love others AS you love yourself.'' not more than- not instead of- not before...
maya angelou said, '' if you want to know who someone REALLY is , wait a bit and let them show you''...
carl jung said, '' you can control the amount of abuse/conditioning you receive through SELF MODIFIED BEHAVIOR.''
I SAY- STOP BLAMING EVERYONE FOR HOW YOU LET THEM CONTROL YOUR LIFE. PUT DOWN YOUR PHONE, GET UP AND TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR SELF-IMPOSED MATRIX! also, ty so much dr. brannon🤩
Christ is the darkest ideologies that have ever been conceived. As we were ALL born free and eternal, therefore who is that controlling narcissistic Jesus telling you otherwise that it can only happen through him ? Secondly, why the heck would I want to die FOR you and rob and steal your infinitely sacred and magical manifestations and revelations of experiencing death ? As I died loads of times in Ayahuasca ceremonies and eye would Never ever consider in a trillion years to take that powerful learning experience away from you (or anyone else). That's true divine love.
Eye can ask infinite questions about Nature, the infinite heavens, the infinite multi-dimensional universe and the Self, that we shamans have all the answers to, and you would not even be able to answer just one of them., As nothing is dar-.ker than your rel-igion.
Explain how your fictitious god is not the ultimate narcissist ? As narcs need to be praised/validated as they have zero self-awareness, and if you don't praise them they will punish you. Therefore by seeking to be worshiped you're admitting your god has absolutely no self-awareness and has no clue who it is.
Subconsciously, chris-tians hope to see all life and the planet de-stroyed ASAP.. What could possibly be more narcissistic than that ?.
And explain how you can possibly believe anything in a book with well over 1000 total and complete contradictions ?! No other book on the planet contains more lies/contradictions than yours. As it is the dar.-kest book ever written by ma
Looking forward to your new approach on this channel and thank you so much! I am ready to have a better look at myself in the mirror. Cuz I knew all the theory. 3 years later I've invited another narc into my life. And honestly, poor him (too). I was so thirsty for trauma bonding and so much in need for relief (I know now in rear view) that this (younger boy) never had a chance, never saw me coming. It's the first time in years when I deeply felt and understood that it's my fault as much as theirs.
When a person is on the 10 th counselor... There's no wonder people are on hear listening to what you have to say.
What about the responsibility of the person with NPD?
Thank god my Narc hates social media and technology. He does things more primitive ways. Hahah. Note: my narc is my dad. Hope he gets old soon.
Sometimes, I think I'm abusing myself. Teaching at Antioch HS.. and hold the records for athletes..
Today . IM exhausted. and taking a long nap.
Can I get some second opinions, please. I met a woman, older than me by 10 years, at a community garden that I volunteer at. After only a half a week of knowing each other she kept trying to buy things for me. I am currently unemployed and struggling to find employment. I did explain to her that I was wary of 'love bombing.' She claimed to know all about narcissist's due to her family abusing her for much of her life. Despite me setting a boundary she continued to insist on buying things. Mostly food. As we got to know each other more she began insisting things like. 'You need Jesus inside you.' One time she asked if she could pray over me. I said sure. Then she stated babbling in tongues. I was bemused but didn't say anything. Then came the controlling statements like forbidding me from doing things she though were gateways to demonic possession. The guy running the community gardens did a Native American Sweat Lodge and she forbid me for thinking of doing the same thing. She also forbade me from playing Dungeons and Dragons which is something I have had as a hobby since I was a teenager. I didn't let on that this was the case assuming she was just 'that kind of religious.' But then the belittling comments started. On New Years Eve she invited me to watch a fireworks display. When I got into her car I was wearing a rain coat because it was pouring with rain. She pat me on the head and said. 'Oh, you have all the gear, don't you.' This irked me as it was the kind of condescension my Mother and Grandmother regularly used on me as a child. Then two days later when we were in my house, having just finished looking through some of my photo albums from my world travels she did something that annoyed me enough to verbally explain my boundaries and how she was pushing them. She was sat on a sofa and I was in a wheelie office chair. Without saying anything she suddenly got up after the last photo album and began to shove me and the chair bodily across the room. At least two meters. I didn't shout or get angry. I held both hands up and told her to stop. I said that's not acceptable you are stepping over lines, pushing boundaries. Do not do that. I then went on to mention how it had made me uncomfortable with the patting on the head two nights before. She then sat back down on the sofa, immediately got out her phone and began to watch videos on facebook. I put on some youtube videos of the days geopolitics and started organizing my dinner in the adjoined kitchen. Twice I tried to engage her in conversation and she barely looked up from the phone and making no attempt to converse. Then she suddenly got up and said. 'Have a good evening.' And left. Two days later I got this text message. 'I'm sorry I gave you a fright the other night. I meant it in a playful way but it obviously didn't come across like that. I will not do it again. If you want some food or help with anything please ask or I'll just let you be.' She absolutely did not 'frighten' me. I'm 6"2 and she weighs about half my weight. And this feels like a gaslighting sorry not sorry apology. I replied 'Ok.' Then today she sent me a text trying to get me to agree for her to spend several hundred dollars on me to do a parasail over the lake we live next to. I replied 'No thanks. Save your money.' And got back 'Okay.' So I'm pretty sure this is a person I should avoid having any more 'connection' with. I will no doubt have to interact with her at the community gardens again. Opinions appreciated.
You already know the answer. Trust your instincts and go no to extremely low contact with this woman - if you see her in the community that's fine, but I would protect yourself and not make any plans nor do anything personal together nor would I rely on her for favors in any way.
@@snowfleece Thank you for your comment. Yes, I agree I already know the answer. I have just been second guessing myself but you are correct. I need to protect my heart. Thanks again. Much appreciated. :)
Cool story bro.
@@Missbegotten Which bit was it that triggered you?
@@Missbegotten is writing cluster-b style comments all over this thread. Interesting.
Well said and, thank you so much! the truth is the best place to be!
Wow...perfectly said. That's it exactly. Trauma leads us down an unconscious rabbit hole exactly as you've said here that we don't really want to get out of. Not necessarily always through the narcissism spaces online but in other ways-- over romanticising life, as you said. And yes therapy is the only way when you're this entrenched. I need to start again. I always start and stop. Great video. I wish I could come to the seminar.
I don't even know if there are normal girls on this world. 6 years of fighting for her happines and now when I know how codependent I was my entire life I decided to stay my position because I don't want to hurt her and I fear a failure I'll become without her. Tha f*ck is wrong with me?
You’re a Simp
Okay, you need to stop mocking JBP
I appreciate this. I am the child of a covert narcissism, who repeated the pattern throughout adulthood finding it attractive...and I have been needing a new way to conceptualize narcissistic abuse b/c I default to fight response, resentment, hate, etc. Thank you!