Someone who has not been a caregiver has no idea the stress that Darlene has lived under for decades. Life ends and your grandmother had 99 years, she was loved!! Now your mother has the freedom to enjoy you and her granddaughter ❣️
Wow what a strong woman your mum is. All that she did daily was awesome a commitment of sincere love. May God continue to Bless you! My condolences to you and family. Am writing from PoM. Papua New Guinea. Enjoy your shows. Thank you.
Ivvvts about time for you got the breatiy was time t h e lord new it was. Time for all t o happen enjoy your life Darlen God bless you n family you d I'd a great job with your mo m l ord only knows
Yea, she has the "freedom" but shes not taking it yet,, she gonna rattle on and on for the next 10 yrs about all the abuse,, the sewing channel is falling apart, its obvious she's probably tired of it herself,, we have to put up with this whining every video... go see a shrink Darlene,,,,,your channel is about to fail
I tell all my people to not feel guilty about the relief that comes when you lose a loved one after a long illness. You are not relieved that they're gone you're relieved from the responsibility that's been on your shoulders for so long.
It’s an odd thing when a toxic family member dies- you mourn for what could have been, what can now never be resolved, and relief from the daily difficulty of dealing with them. You get used to living in the fog, and the suddenly it’s like the air clears. But yet, someone has died- which tempers that relief. Time and distance is your friend. Thinking of you, your Mom and your daughter. ❤️
No one has the right to judge or question how, when, why, etc how someone grieves or processes loss. I feel for you and your mom. Toxic people whether parent, spouse or whatever makes your life very unbalanced. I know this, I speak from experience. Bless you all. Deal with life as it comes and process how you need. Bless you again.
I was the caregiver for my narcissistic mother for the last 2 years of her life. Thank goodness for Home Health and Hospice care. Without them I really could not have done it But the moment I knew she was dead ,I actually went into my room and did a quiet little happy dance. I never told anyone about that until now because I didn't think anyone would understand how I could react that way.
Derrick, you are wise beyond your years. I listen to you talk, and what comes to my mind is that you are such a good son, and such a good dad. It goes without saying that you were also a good grandson. It means a lot to me that you are here, speaking truth, with kindness.
We all have our own version of parent/child relationships. I know, only thru you tube, that your mom had a difficult relationship with her mother. And yet, she remained devoted to her which I find truly amazing. I don't know if I could have done it all. And honestly, just to see Darlene's face since her mother's passing I can see the relief on her face. I am happy for her. Who cares what others think? I hope she can enjoy her freedom. And your mom will discover so many versions of freedom. She will feel like a kid in a candy store!! I just wanted you all to know that I wish y'all the best that life has to offer!
Unless you have lived with a narcissist you can’t appreciate how poisonous they are. I am so thankful that you and your mom are sharing your story. Listening to your mom reaffirmed that I’m not crazy. My mother had me convinced that I was.Nothing I did was ever enough. So frustrating and hurtful.
Darlene put a name to my mother's mental issues. It has been scary, and enlightening. When my mother passed I felt only relief. Others thought it was because she had several strokes and was in a nursing home. I didn't bother trying to explain. Unless you have been through it, you can't understand. Just don't judge!
@@karenwazny7994 -- Knowing that is the first step to gaining some measure of "control" in your own life. I pray that you will find a way to neutralize the toxicity you have lived through and come out the person you truly are on the other side of this experience.
That just really pisses me off that anyone would even comment on anyone's moods when they lose a loved one . I am watching my mother die slowly at the age of 85 with a Terminal illness . I am her 24/7 care taker and nurse . I do relate to your mom's stress and also her relief . You can't breathe, take care of yourself or shop without the anxiety of being away from them . It's torture . I am applauding your mom and you . You are loving people. Enjoy each other , life is short . I'm so glad Derrick she has you and glad and you have her . Take a trip laugh, shop what ever . Time will heal . Love from Texas !
No one can truly understand what you all are going through. Your grace and patience to explain when no explanation should be needed is commendable and admirable. My heart to you all.
I TOTALLY get it!!! My dad dropped dead of a heart attack, complete shock and I don’t think I took a breath for at least three weeks. It was horrible grief. My mom who I had a good loving relationship with had terminal cancer. I cared for her in every way I could as being her caretaker but at some point you come to terms with it and I grieved her death before she actually died. You can’t stop it, none of us are getting out of here alive, so I did everything I could while she was still here. Of course I still grieved after her death but not to the extent that I did when I suffered my dad’s unexpected loss. The one person who left that comment has no clue and you shouldn’t feel obligated to explain why you felt a sense of relief and freedom after her passing. If your grandmother was still here, it seems as if your mom would have continued to do what she has been doing for years to come, despite the relationship. What a blessing to have lived that long a life, being cared for by one of your children and being able to die at “home”.
i am so happy that your mom can have the freedom she so deserves. She can enjoy her life and spend time with you guys and do some sightseeing and work as long as she wants uninterrupted. Glad she likes her dentist!!! i have no idea how your mom gave your mom such great care... she would buy treats for her all the time.. create "special" foods for her.. whatever she felt like eating your mom would try to provide. And at the same time being mentally abused by her own mother... amazing woman.
My mother also died in hospice as your grandmother did the same day March 26. I have been following your journey. I know what you mean by freedom. I have been the main caretaker of my mother as well. We all grieve in different ways. One minute I am fine the next minute I am sobbing .My healing thoughts are with you and your family.I agree with you . Good video as usual.
Kudos to Darlene to have continued to care for her mother even when the lady was not very nice. Each and every one of us should be asking ourselves if we could have done as much as Darlene did for her mom. Just walk a mile in D. shoes then you can JUDGE.. just being aware that Darlene's siblings were not helping speaks volumes..again not judging them.
Your grandmother had a a very long life and she pretty much lived life on her own terms. Your mother sacrificed alot of her own life and through her stories life with her was extremely difficult. Now everyone can move forward with their lives and be happy. When all is said and done....your grandmother was given quality care. She didn't die in a nursing home and that speaks volumes. Sending love and 🫂 hugs!
Hi Derrick, I 100 percent agree with you. I feel relieved for your mom as well. Everybody grieves different and with their history I'm sure you Mon has grieved enough in her life where your grandmother is concerned. To that person, who is probably a troll, pay no attention to them. There is always negative people and I will not allow myself to deal with them. You are a wonderful son, don't ever doubt yourself. Hugs to you.
Completely understand the relief from the death of a narcissistic mother dying. Most of the sadness is realizing you never had the mother you deserved and that it can never be repaired now. That is what is sad....but the freedom of not having the narcissitic abuse is liberating.
Your mom did what she did and its not easy. No one can judge, you don't know what that person has been going through and we all grieve differently. You mom is an amazing woman and a hard worker. I don't know how she did what she did and does videos for us to quilt and learn different things and sells her fabric. My hat goes off to her. She has a right to live how she wants.
Thank you for being real about the loss of a loved one and the complicated feelings we may have about it-sadness anger, loss, relief... Your mother is amazing for maintaining that relationship and also for being her caretaker. That speaks volumes about her character. Appreciate the post.
The feelings can go up and down. Unless you have had a loved one to pass away you just can't understand it. After almost 11 years, I still have the ups and downs.
I don’t get it when people do not understand the range of emotions you go through with grief. My mom is 90 and she said she isn’t afraid of death. She said she is ready when the lord wants her to go.. send love and positive vibes to you , your mom and your precious daughter. Now your mom will have extra time to spend with her and not have to worry about all the duties she had . Death is a part of life . I sure hope your mom has all the peace of mind she deserves.
Well said Derrick. Unless someone really understands Narcicism and exposure to such has no clue. It only takes a smell, a glimps, minor things can set off that abuse only to relive it again. Your Mom is a strong woman.
Through following your mom's channel, I came to the realization that I had had at least 2 people in my life just like your grandma. I adore your mom. She has helped me a lot. I cant thank her enough. I love your channel too. I learn a lot from you.
Mixed feelings come with every relationship, even if you have a very good stable relationship with the person who is ill. Being the primary caretaker of someone who cannot do things for themselves is physically mentally and emotionally draining. The person who made those rude comments apparently has never experienced this before. God bless you and your family, wishing you peace and comfort at this time
The first 3 months are the hardest. Emotions are all over the place and it takes time to adjust. Toxic relationships are tough and draining and put a whole other element in dealing with loss.
Bless you! I am so glad that this didn't happen when your mom was still living in Maine. Thankfully, she didn't have to deal with this on her own. Bless you for being a kind and loving son. That will make such a tremendous difference for how your mom transitions into the next phase of her life!
I have just started following you recently. (I follow your mum) I lost my mum yesterday she would have been 98 this May. Already I know of the mixed feelings . I did feeling guilt for laughing remembering happy moments, but laughing out loud while she was lying in her bed. I think it is a mixture of emotions , with memories and hard times and berievement all mixed up in one. I hope you mum is ok. You are doing a great job with your support.
It's easy to say ignore the judgemental people, but that is easier said than done, which is why it makes total sense that your mother has the comments turned off. I have a 91yr old narcissistic mother so I can relate to what Darlene has gone through it made me smile seeing her the last few days as I could literally see that a lot of that burden has lifted.
I wish I had someone like you in my family. My mom was in a lot of ways like your grandmother and I like your mom. When my mom passed in December I tried to talk to some of my family and a friend about what a relief it was she had passed and no one has talked to me since. These videos from you and your mom make me realize I may be alone but I’m not crazy. Thank you both.
Hi Derrick. From my time volunteering at the hospice and my experience of losing many family members and friends over the last 20yrs, grief is a very personal thing. You did and excellent job of clarifying the nuances of a relationship in this video. Sometimes people grieve for relationships that they never had with the deceased person too, it’s such a mixed bag for everyone. Even though there have been recognised pathways through bereavement (The 5 stages of grief is often quoted), sometimes it can be a messy time, others it can be almost sublime. I’m sure that you all know that you have no reason to explain yourself, though you were very kind to give that one person the benefit of the doubt (maybe they’ve never lost someone etc). Once again it is a mark of your character to do such kindness. Be well 🌹
I lost my husband 22 years ago after being sick for 7 yrs. All I can say is your in shock.Even though it was expected.I was so relieved. After a few weeks I lost it ,the grief finally hit me. So if you have never lost a loved one you will never understand .Birthdays and holidays still are difficult. Derrick, this is for the person that can’t understand all the steps of grief you go thru. Hopefully it never happens to her. Your mom is a strong person, and she has you and Skylar . I hope she has time to get bored ,she is such a hard worker. Bless you and your family .
Please don't doubt your feelings. For all your life you gave much to your Grandmother. Sometimes it's a relief when a love one dies. It's a reality & the older a person is,it becomes a relief to all. You will still miss her.
I understand completely. My father was a narcissistic alcoholic and abusive in every way. When he passed, yes, I was appropriately sad and grieved but I also (it was 40 years ago) remember a feeling of relief and calm.
Derrick I think you covered that really well, I was fortunate to have had good relationships with both my parents, even so for me after dad died, caring for mum and watching her deteriorate physically and mentally. The amount of care she needed, had she still had all her faculties, she would have hated it.. So even when relationships are good, there can be mixed feeling when a close family member passes. Deeply saddened to loose her, but relief she was no longer needing to be treated like a baby several times a day. I can only be thankful that her mind was able to bock out the indignities involved.
The change in your Mum is very apparent, even just in the last two videos she's done. I remember feeling relief, as well as sadness, the day my Dad died, as he was very critical and demanding right to the last, and every day was fraught with not knowing what he'd be like that particular day. He was a narcissist too. I hope your Mum can now spread her wings and have some quality time, and life, with you and Skylar. Love and best wishes from England 💕
People who have never lived with a narcissistic person .... mother, husband, wife, etc. Will NEVER understand your mother's emotions/feelings. My mother is narcissistic and your mothers feelings are justified, in my mind. Thanks for this video 🤗
I have appreciated your mom sharing her journey. I have been the care taker for my mom. She is 94, and getting more and more unstable. I also care for 74 year old and post stroke. We plan to move closer to our children after my mom passes. I have learned a lot from your mom. I have a lot more to learn in the future. Thank you.
It’s gonna be fun to watch your mom come ALIVE … what a visual testimony recorded for others who have been abused to see the transformation after the abuser can no longer harm them and others after their death. Sure lifelong habits of reacting to situations will take awhile to fade … but the absolute JOY of Freedom … happens in baby steps … it’s ok … you’ll go threw the 5 stages of grief but if a person has never lived with a mean person… they will never know your mental weight that has been lifted. And physical too… the constantly walking on eggs … takes a toll … but rejoice now … it’s ok … it is really ok!
I have a friend going through this. Her very abusive mom passed a couple of days ago... lots of feelings and unsettledness and relief all rolled into one. Grieve is a process.. very cliche but a true one. Blessings to you and Darlene and Skylar.
Just a note to say you are being thought about. You were kind to the person who needed kindness and that’s a credit to your upbringing. The bad stuff gives us understanding of things that may not be common knowledge and you can help others with that learned wisdom, but you don’t have to. Thank you for kicking that door open and for sharing your stories. Another note (which is none of my business, but I can see): Skylar loves her Daddy.
A great book titled Necessary Losses. It explains all forms of loss and why it is necessary. It's a small, easy read. Once again, sincere condolences to you all.
The more complicated our relationship, the more complicated our grief will be. because it is so FINAL and there are so many unresolved issues. May you all be blessed as you recover and get on with your lives! Sometimes the grief comes in waves, you can be fine one minute, then it just hits you again like a ton of bricks.
i am so sorry for ur loss . i saw ur Moms video today she seems so much less stressed . i am not to be ignorant but i see a huge relief in her i know that wasn’t easy for ur mom i also took care of my mom it’s hard work no doubt . u guys all have each other to get each other thru this . i’m happy ur mom is there by you guys .
Tell your Mom my sympathy for the Lost of her Mom and your Grandma I fallow her for the long time and I love the way she is Now she will be feeling good I know she will miss her Mom but life is continue God take care all of you 🙏🌸🌹🌺
I am so very sorry for your Loss. My condolences to Your Creative , loving, caring Mom , Your daughter and You.. it isn’t easy. I have went through a lot of passings.. It is Great your Mom keeps busy by being on RUclips… it’s great watching her.. Please hug Your Mom ,, 🙏 Dawn 🙏
So well said. Don't put in much with those type of people. They will never stop being that way. That's why your mom doesn't have comment's on her channel. I can't wait to see how your mom grows with the freedom.
I know what your going through I lost my husband to cancer 3yrs ago seem like yesterday may God wrap his love around your family in my prayers god bless you s
Sleep deprivation alone can have a negative impact 9n those memory building moments, your own physical health, your outlook on life and sunny disposition, and your general thinking. If your mother is like most people who have dine some 7/24 care pretty much themselves, it will take a while to actually sleep a contiguous 4, or 6, or 8 hours. And it takes between a couple of weeks to a month plus to feel like you've honestly caught up in that sleep.
There is no handbook on grief..... We all handle grief differently, no one has the right to judge. Your Mom has a right to do what is NOW best for her! Condolences to you and your family.
My grandmother (father’s mother) told me straight out from a very early age that because she did not like my mother, I would never be good enough. It was a horrible situation even after I removed myself from that side of the family’s lives when I was 23. I remain estranged because life is just too damned hard as it is without having to constantly explain myself to people who gaslight constantly. I refuse to accept guilt for my choice. I did mourn the fact she never considered me good enough after her death but am at the same time thrilled beyond explanation that my much younger cousins had a very different grandmother experience with her. Whatever emotions all of you are having are completely okay as you know. If someone else’s life is so charmed they’ve never had a complicated relationship with conflicting emotions so they can not understand this phenomenon, good for them (seriously). Having a charmed life does not give one the right to judge others, though. Not everyone’s life experiences are identical. (What a concept!) We as people need to turn from attacking others to supporting others instead.
Derrick thank you for being a great man, son & father. GOD bless you. The life you all have known has changed. I remember the old song, One less bell to answer, one less egg to fry..... I should be happy but , I cry. You all must take your time to mourn at least the rest of the year. My prayers for your family.
Derrick, you fid an awesome job explaining to that one commentor how complicated the passing of a loved one can be, particularly when there has been long standing toxicity. You are an incredible blessing for Darlene to have in her life. I wish you, Skylar and Darlene all the best.
Well said Deborah, I just lost my mom Jan 28. My mom didn’t raise me, but I always tried to have a relationship with her and it never was what I wished it would be. So yes everyone grieves in different ways. And no one has the right to judge.
It is hard enough to do caretaking for a loved one, especially a parent when things are good between you and them. My husband and I took care of his mother and it was a loving relationship but still tough.I cannot even imagine how much harder it would be when you’re dealing with a toxic relationship. I was constantly amazed at your mothers character , and her devotion to her mother despite the history they had together and the current difficult relationship they had . It says so much about your mom that she took such amazing care of her mother. When I heard your grandmother had passed I knew you guys would have to get through the grieving process , but I knew once your mom got through that she would have a freedom that she’s never known in her life. Not just the caretaking , but the freedom from the toxic relationship as well. I wish you all such goodness and I’m so happy that you’re all together and can enjoy being a family. I’m sure it will help you to all get through this to all be so close. You’ve been in my thoughts and prayers since I heard what happened and I know you guys are going to move forward and be good . I’m happy to hear that you’re going to cut down on your workload as well, it is good that you figured out you were overdoing it and you caught it before it caused you any health issues. Best wishes !!
I agree with you. The care that Darlene gave her mother inspite of the relationship and the narcissism is an absolute credit to her character. I have followed her for years and she has a huge heart of gold regardless of the pain that she has endured her whole life. I can already see and hear in Darlenes latest sewing videos that she is getting her spark back.
As children, when our parents can't or won't give us the love, nurturing, attention that all children should be able to count on, the unconditional love, I feel we spend our lives trying to get that from other relationships, which of course we cant. Then when the parent passes on, the grief is for the loss of that love and approval we wanted so desperately from the parent and we now are left to deal with the fact that we will never get, they are gone. We are faced with the fact that we have to love ourselves and those that are in our lives that are here and do love us.
Just watched your mom’s chat, tell her that I feel she is a very strong person to have survived a lifetime of emotional abuse! Physical abuse leaves bruises and scars that others can see, but no one else can see the pain she was suffering! I am happy she can finally live the life she deserved all those years. Hugs for her
As a daughter of a narcissistic mother, I can totally relate to everything you said, and this is how I found your Mother. Darlene has helped me to not feel totally alone in my feelings. Great talk Derrick!
Before someone makes negative comments about someone else, they need to walk in that person's shoes first. You are right. 99.9 percent of your followers know the story and know how you can have all of those feelings at the same time. I enjoy your channel Derek as I do Darlene's also. Keep up the good work.
I lost my Mom 3yrs ago. You will go through a range of emotions for months to come. Its also going thru the trauma of watching someone die..... Its hard.
Everyone deals with death and/or grieves differently. Derrick you don’t owe anyone an explanation. I commend you for being there for your mother. You are doing an awesome job!
Derrick, I enjoy listening to you. You are a natural and great communicator. You speak with such depth of understanding and explain things so well with just the right words and phrasing. Not an easy thing to do in a video. It is a joy getting to know your family. We all have family issues. We just do the best we can. I admire your mother for so many things but most of all how she treated her mother with such dignity. She is a gem and so are you. Blessings to your family.
I understand your mother and how she must be feeling sad because her mom has passed and also the mixed emotions she had while her mother was alive too. I have had to deal with narcissistic family members and it is so unfair. We carry on as best we can and just hope for the best. Your mom is free to do whatever she wants now without that heavy cloud bogging her down. I am sad for her to be alone but happy she now can be herself and not have to worry about what if. What she says and what she really feels is her business. I wish her much happiness and good health. You are a dear son and I thank you for coming on to try to explain. Some people have negative opinions and just flip it off. They don’t understand the pressure you all went through. Goodnight and thank you Derrick 😉💕
I love my mom dearly but was relieved when she passed. She had not been the same woman I knew and loved for a long time and she had a good long life (97). Of course I miss her but feel she has gone to a better place. She had difficulty walking, eating seeing and did not know any of her loved ones. I don't know if she had pain at that stage or not. I am happy the angels took her away.
My Dad was a raging, abusive narcissistic alcoholic my entire life. He passed away in 2010 & it was a weight lifted off my shoulders. I was sad, lots of tears after his passing and it still pops up occasionally. It’s something that nobody has the right to judge!!! I personally can totally relate to you and your family’s story! Those that had a storybook family can’t relate and I suppose good for them. Instead of running their mouth maybe they should count their blessings! Honestly, my tears and grief are usually for the Father that I wish he could have been.
It is absolutely normal to have mixed feelings about a loss. Your mom has taken care of your grandmother for so long that it is perfectly normal that she feels relieved by that loss. That doesn’t mean that she can’t be sad at the same time. In a way the loss of a very demanding person is even more difficult because this perso leaves a bigger hole in our every day life. Big hug to everyone. :-)
God Bless you, Darlene,Skyler and Derrick! Like you said...Grandma was 99, she had a good run and was cared for lovingly by your family. It's not actually a sin to laugh and smile after someone that age dies after living as good run so if others don't agree with how you live they can go kick rocks! By God, Darlene deserves her own life now!! RIP Grandma.......
I’ve watched your mom’s videos and admire her for telling the truth about her life. My childhood was similar, but I left on my 18th birthday and never went back. Most people take having a loving mother for granted, and frankly don’t believe you if you tell them about a mother’s abuse. Your mom is lucky to have your support. When my mom was in a nursing home and out of it, my younger sister visited her and told me our mother thought my sister was myself. “And she treated me like shit,” my sister (the adored baby of the family) told me. She’d never believed the abuse until then. My mom did apologize to me before she died and that meant a lot. But damage is damage and we do the best we can with what we have. Good luck to your family and I hope the future is bright for your mother. Thanks to both of you for sharing your history. It means a lot to others like us.
Tell your mother & yourself that it’s ok to feel a sense of relief and freedom. Your mom was a saint taking care of her mom under the circumstances she had to endure her entire life. I have nothing but respect for Darlene ♥️♥️
I know … personally … all the emotions your Mom is going through, and my heart goes out to her. Just be there for her and she’ll let you know what she needs and when she needs it. All my love and compassion to you and your family during this difficult time. 👵🏻💕
Your mum already begins to look so less stressed. She has given a lot up looking after your grandmother. Bless she will at long last be able to relax and enjoy life. Freedom means a lot. Unless you have been there very hard to know how hard it is. Sounds like you have been very busy. Keep strong you will see how much your mum will be able to do to support you as you have her.
We all grieve in our own way. No one has the right to judge how you grieve. We need to learn to show compassion. Being a caregiver is extremely difficult. I really enjoy Darlene s frankness. I wish you and your family well.
If "that" person didn't get it, they have never lost a loved one. It is never all sadness, there is relief, sometime you can be mad and many many other emotions. There is black humour. Skylar was very brave, it is difficult to see someone who has passed but I am sure she will be happy later that she did. I totally understand all of what your Mom and you are going through. Grief is never a single emotion. Bless you all. What you and your Mom need most right now is some rest.
As a caregiver and parent-tified child to a physical and emotional sick mom I can relate. I am 62. In the end we do it because we are compassionate towards a human person however it takes a toll on our life… socially, emotionally, physically and mentally. I commend, thank, and support Darlene for speaking out because all the feelings that come with that are profound. I’m so proud of Derrick and Skylar for validating the toxicity and find a way to celebrate their grandmother/great grandmother. I look forward to watching you all enjoy more living with less stress.
I fully understand what you are saying, Derrick. It must have been so hard for your mother to take care of her mother for so many years.Darlene has surely earned her crown!
Hi Derrick, sending you and Darlene and Skylar my sympathy. You have spoken well today, from all aspects, but for me, it is that your Mother now has time to enjoy her own time now, and the non-stop hard times are over. From now on, I hope her sad times will wash away. Darlene is amazingly tough, considering her burdens and I think life will be easy and happy for her. It broke my heart to see her with the tears on a video: I just wanted to be there to help. Stay well and happy, all of you!! Cheers!
The nerve of some people! Wow! You all have the right to have the feelings that are appropriate for your situation. I appreciate all that you've shared. Thank you. Grief isn't something that can be dictated. Take care. Your family is in my thoughts.
I so admire your Mom for what she did for her Mom. Now it's time for her to live her best life and don't look back! Wishing your family the very best life has to offer!
Thank you Derrick for being there for your mother. I am so happy she had someone to help her, listen to her and just to be there for her. My mother was also toxic, My mother did not wante to be told that she was in the hospital or in hospice.
Grama wasn’t a wonderful person but yet she was loved and cared for, for 99 years. The fact you and your mom are wonderful people speaks to who grama would have been if her personality wasn’t destroyed in her childhood. Sometimes you have to love a person even if they not wonderful and mourn what they should have been
Very well spoken. Glad all is behind you an mom,an can move forward now. Just watched her recent video an she did well. All have memories. Some good ,bad an in-between. Life goes on an so will all of you. Yes cut back a bit when you can.all of you go out for a nice dinner,that's always a good treat. Life is what you make it.Good nite,God bless. JOYCE FROM MICHIGAN
Well said Derrick! The mixed emotions after the death of a family member/friend/other who has had a long relationship with us is normal. The relief is so exaggerated (seemingly), however there are so many other emotions expressed (or unexpressed) by those who survive he death of a toxic/physicaly ill/mentally ill individual. There will be so many more that may not have shown "themselves" yet! Most people also experience anger, helplessness, thankfulness and when there is a toxic relationship, even a sense of elation. These are all NORMAL emotional responses! I'm not really talking to you Derrick, as much as I'm talking to those who might read the comments. Your Mom is 61 and doesn't truly know what living is until now. She will continue to doubt herself, that is part of the residual effect of having a very difficult relationship with one's Mother. She will at times feel she didn't "do enough" for her Mother -- that is complete nonsense as we do our best even when we think we aren't! Your Mom is going to be living such a different lifestyle now -- I suspect this is the first time she has truly been without immediate caregiving responsibilities in all of her life. Now she gets to bloom -- and so do you and Skylar. One more thing -- set boundaries in your work life Derrick -- I don't need to say that out loud, but it sounds like you fell into the trap that so many self-employed people find! No one can develop a work/life balance except the person living it. You can do it!
You are spot on, everyone has their own story and their own life. I relate with your mom (unfortunately) on so many things except my mom only lived with me for 6 years. It was the hardest time of my life… I just thought my childhood was bad. I promised my dad before he died of cancer that I would never turn my back on her (other family did). It’s a challenge every day to love and care for someone who is a narcissist. My mom passed away in January of last year but before she passed away she thanked me for taking such good care of her and I bawled like a baby because she never appreciated anything I did and always said things to make me look bad to others. If people can’t relate then they should be very thankful! Life isn’t great for everyone…
No one has the right to question you, your Mother, or the rest of your Family on the grievance process, as this is personal between you all. The comments regarding your Grandmother, I feel should only be initiated from you all as a Family, not the RUclips community. You are all an amazing Family & I wish you all the best. Send my love to your Mother, please. Jordan / UK🇬🇧♥️
Being a caregiver is hard I took care of my husband till he died then I had a heart attacks it's called broken heart syndrome not an easy job ,and don't feel quality because it's freeing after so long your mom is a great person she did a great job for her mother.
Very eloquent Derrick. Yes we understand. Most families have some issues. It is never easy when someone lives so long that their quality of life is poor.
I have been following and enjoying your mom's videos for several years. I think I felt we had something in common as I too grew up with a narcissistic mother. No one realizes what it is like unless you experience it first hand. When my mother died I was very sad but within a short time, the anxiety started to lift and it was literally like being released from prison. I am happy for your mom to finally get to live the life that she wants on her own terms. Don't worry about the people who don't get it. We enjoy yours and your mom's videos. Please keep them coming. I will continue to subscribe to both of you. I love the down to earth aspect of you both. Thank you so much Derrick.
What is WONDERFUL about U is that U see all of the sides , U support Ur wonderful Mom and Daughter.U r a good Son and Dad. It is a joy to see the LOVE. I am sorry for Your Loss,but yes Ur grandmother had a long life. please forgive any typos im waiting for eye surgery.
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Someone who has not been a caregiver has no idea the stress that Darlene has lived under for decades. Life ends and your grandmother had 99 years, she was loved!! Now your mother has the freedom to enjoy you and her granddaughter ❣️
Wow what a strong woman your mum is. All that she did daily was awesome a commitment of sincere love. May God continue to Bless you!
My condolences to you and family.
Am writing from PoM. Papua New Guinea. Enjoy your shows. Thank you.
Ivvvts about time for you got the breatiy was time t h e lord new it was. Time for all t o happen enjoy your life Darlen God bless you n family you d I'd a great job with your mo m l ord only knows
Yea, she has the "freedom" but shes not taking it yet,, she gonna rattle on and on for the next 10 yrs about all the abuse,, the sewing channel is falling apart, its obvious she's probably tired of it herself,, we have to put up with this whining every video... go see a shrink Darlene,,,,,your channel is about to fail
I tell all my people to not feel guilty about the relief that comes when you lose a loved one after a long illness. You are not relieved that they're gone you're relieved from the responsibility that's been on your shoulders for so long.
It’s an odd thing when a toxic family member dies- you mourn for what could have been, what can now never be resolved, and relief from the daily difficulty of dealing with them. You get used to living in the fog, and the suddenly it’s like the air clears. But yet, someone has died- which tempers that relief. Time and distance is your friend. Thinking of you, your Mom and your daughter. ❤️
You have described the process perfectly, Leslie. Thank you. ❤
Leslie that is so true.
This. Leslie-Reagan has got it exactly right.
Beautifully said.
No one has the right to judge or question how, when, why, etc how someone grieves or processes loss. I feel for you and your mom. Toxic people whether parent, spouse or whatever makes your life very unbalanced. I know this, I speak from experience. Bless you all. Deal with life as it comes and process how you need. Bless you again.
You hit the nail on the head.
Yes! This. Absolutely!
Exactly!!!
Well said and very true.
I was the caregiver for my narcissistic mother for the last 2 years of her life. Thank goodness for Home Health and Hospice care. Without them I really could not have done it
But the moment I knew she was dead ,I actually went into my room and did a quiet little happy dance. I never told anyone about that until now because I didn't think anyone would understand how I could react that way.
Derrick, you are wise beyond your years. I listen to you talk, and what comes to my mind is that you are such a good son, and such a good dad. It goes without saying that you were also a good grandson.
It means a lot to me that you are here, speaking truth, with kindness.
Your mom is such a strong and beautiful person as is your family! Her freedom will take her a time to recognize.
Oh my gosh Darlene is one smart strong independent women
We all have our own version of parent/child relationships. I know, only thru you tube, that your mom had a difficult relationship with her mother. And yet, she remained devoted to her which I find truly amazing. I don't know if I could have done it all. And honestly, just to see Darlene's face since her mother's passing I can see the relief on her face. I am happy for her. Who cares what others think? I hope she can enjoy her freedom. And your mom will discover so many versions of freedom. She will feel like a kid in a candy store!! I just wanted you all to know that I wish y'all the best that life has to offer!
Couldn't have put it to word's like you, but so thankful you have put it into word's just how I feel.thankyou.
Beautifully said, Tina.
Unless you have lived with a narcissist you can’t appreciate how poisonous they are. I am so thankful that you and your mom are sharing your story. Listening to your mom reaffirmed that I’m not crazy. My mother had me convinced that I was.Nothing I did was ever enough. So frustrating and hurtful.
Darlene put a name to my mother's mental issues. It has been scary, and enlightening. When my mother passed I felt only relief. Others thought it was because she had several strokes and was in a nursing home. I didn't bother trying to explain.
Unless you have been through it, you can't understand. Just don't judge!
I am so sorry Anne. You didn’t deserve that at all. Sending love and positive vibes to you.
My husband is the narcissist in my life.
@@linbress5823 -- You last sentence says it all --- I hope many people have read that and taken it to heart.
@@karenwazny7994 -- Knowing that is the first step to gaining some measure of "control" in your own life. I pray that you will find a way to neutralize the toxicity you have lived through and come out the person you truly are on the other side of this experience.
When a "difficult" parent passes away, one can feel a whole spectrum of emotions. That's just how is happens. It's normal behavior.
That just really pisses me off that anyone would even comment on anyone's moods when they lose a loved one . I am watching my mother die slowly at the age of 85 with a Terminal illness . I am her 24/7 care taker and nurse . I do relate to your mom's stress and also her relief . You can't breathe, take care of yourself or shop without the anxiety of being away from them . It's torture . I am applauding your mom and you . You are loving people. Enjoy each other , life is short . I'm so glad Derrick she has you and glad and you have her . Take a trip laugh, shop what ever . Time will heal . Love from Texas !
No one can truly understand what you all are going through. Your grace and patience to explain when no explanation should be needed is commendable and admirable.
My heart to you all.
You’re very kind and gracious….and an exceptional communicator.
I TOTALLY get it!!! My dad dropped dead of a heart attack, complete shock and I don’t think I took a breath for at least three weeks. It was horrible grief. My mom who I had a good loving relationship with had terminal cancer. I cared for her in every way I could as being her caretaker but at some point you come to terms with it and I grieved her death before she actually died. You can’t stop it, none of us are getting out of here alive, so I did everything I could while she was still here. Of course I still grieved after her death but not to the extent that I did when I suffered my dad’s unexpected loss. The one person who left that comment has no clue and you shouldn’t feel obligated to explain why you felt a sense of relief and freedom after her passing. If your grandmother was still here, it seems as if your mom would have continued to do what she has been doing for years to come, despite the relationship. What a blessing to have lived that long a life, being cared for by one of your children and being able to die at “home”.
i am so happy that your mom can have the freedom she so deserves. She can enjoy her life and spend time with you guys and do some sightseeing and work as long as she wants uninterrupted. Glad she likes her dentist!!! i have no idea how your mom gave your mom such great care... she would buy treats for her all the time.. create "special" foods for her.. whatever she felt like eating your mom would try to provide. And at the same time being mentally abused by her own mother... amazing woman.
👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻 so true. No one knows unless you’ve walked in their shoes. I understand completely!
My mother also died in hospice as your grandmother did the same day March 26. I have been following your journey. I know what you mean by freedom. I have been the main caretaker of my mother as well. We all grieve in different ways. One minute I am fine the next minute I am sobbing .My healing thoughts are with you and your family.I agree with you . Good video as usual.
I am so sorry for your loss. The world needs more people like you .
@@stacylamb5607 Your very kind Thank you,
Kudos to Darlene to have continued to care for her mother even when the lady was not very nice. Each and every one of us should be asking ourselves if we could have done as much as Darlene did for her mom. Just walk a mile in D. shoes then you can JUDGE.. just being aware that Darlene's siblings were not helping speaks volumes..again not judging them.
Your grandmother had a a very long life and she pretty much lived life on her own terms. Your mother sacrificed alot of her own life and through her stories life with her was extremely difficult. Now everyone can move forward with their lives and be happy. When all is said and done....your grandmother was given quality care. She didn't die in a nursing home and that speaks volumes. Sending love and 🫂 hugs!
Hi Derrick, I 100 percent agree with you. I feel relieved for your mom as well. Everybody grieves different and with their history I'm sure you Mon has grieved enough in her life where your grandmother is concerned. To that person, who is probably a troll, pay no attention to them. There is always negative people and I will not allow myself to deal with them. You are a wonderful son, don't ever doubt yourself. Hugs to you.
Completely understand the relief from the death of a narcissistic mother dying. Most of the sadness is realizing you never had the mother you deserved and that it can never be repaired now. That is what is sad....but the freedom of not having the narcissitic abuse is liberating.
Your mom did what she did and its not easy. No one can judge, you don't know what that person has been going through and we all grieve differently. You mom is an amazing woman and a hard worker. I don't know how she did what she did and does videos for us to quilt and learn different things and sells her fabric. My hat goes off to her. She has a right to live how she wants.
Thank you for being real about the loss of a loved one and the complicated feelings we may have about it-sadness anger, loss, relief... Your mother is amazing for maintaining that relationship and also for being her caretaker. That speaks volumes about her character. Appreciate the post.
The feelings can go up and down. Unless you have had a loved one to pass away you just can't understand it. After almost 11 years, I still have the ups and downs.
I don’t get it when people do not understand the range of emotions you go through with grief. My mom is 90 and she said she isn’t afraid of death. She said she is ready when the lord wants her to go.. send love and positive vibes to you , your mom and your precious daughter. Now your mom will have extra time to spend with her and not have to worry about all the duties she had . Death is a part of life . I sure hope your mom has all the peace of mind she deserves.
No one should question your story, just listen.
Well said Derrick. Unless someone really understands Narcicism and exposure to such has no clue. It only takes a smell, a glimps, minor things can set off that abuse only to relive it again. Your Mom is a strong woman.
Through following your mom's channel, I came to the realization that I had had at least 2 people in my life just like your grandma. I adore your mom. She has helped me a lot. I cant thank her enough. I love your channel too. I learn a lot from you.
Mixed feelings come with every relationship, even if you have a very good stable relationship with the person who is ill. Being the primary caretaker of someone who cannot do things for themselves is physically mentally and emotionally draining. The person who made those rude comments apparently has never experienced this before. God bless you and your family, wishing you peace and comfort at this time
I my self felt a sense of relief for your mom. It's always sad to lose a loved one, but relief as well. 🥰
The first 3 months are the hardest. Emotions are all over the place and it takes time to adjust. Toxic relationships are tough and draining and put a whole other element in dealing with loss.
You handled this issue so well! There are those of us here who can totally relate🤗
Bless you! I am so glad that this didn't happen when your mom was still living in Maine. Thankfully, she didn't have to deal with this on her own. Bless you for being a kind and loving son. That will make such a tremendous difference for how your mom transitions into the next phase of her life!
I have just started following you recently. (I follow your mum) I lost my mum yesterday she would have been 98 this May. Already I know of the mixed feelings . I did feeling guilt for laughing remembering happy moments, but laughing out loud while she was lying in her bed. I think it is a mixture of emotions , with memories and hard times and berievement all mixed up in one. I hope you mum is ok. You are doing a great job with your support.
It's easy to say ignore the judgemental people, but that is easier said than done, which is why it makes total sense that your mother has the comments turned off.
I have a 91yr old narcissistic mother so I can relate to what Darlene has gone through it made me smile seeing her the last few days as I could literally see that a lot of that burden has lifted.
I wish I had someone like you in my family. My mom was in a lot of ways like your grandmother and I like your mom. When my mom passed in December I tried to talk to some of my family and a friend about what a relief it was she had passed and no one has talked to me since. These videos from you and your mom make me realize I may be alone but I’m not crazy. Thank you both.
Hi Derrick. From my time volunteering at the hospice and my experience of losing many family members and friends over the last 20yrs, grief is a very personal thing. You did and excellent job of clarifying the nuances of a relationship in this video. Sometimes people grieve for relationships that they never had with the deceased person too, it’s such a mixed bag for everyone. Even though there have been recognised pathways through bereavement (The 5 stages of grief is often quoted), sometimes it can be a messy time, others it can be almost sublime. I’m sure that you all know that you have no reason to explain yourself, though you were very kind to give that one person the benefit of the doubt (maybe they’ve never lost someone etc). Once again it is a mark of your character to do such kindness. Be well 🌹
I lost my husband 22 years ago after being sick for 7 yrs. All I can say is your in shock.Even though it was expected.I was so relieved.
After a few weeks I lost it ,the grief finally hit me. So if you have never lost a loved one you will never understand .Birthdays and holidays still are difficult.
Derrick, this is for the person that can’t understand all the steps of grief you go thru. Hopefully it never happens to her.
Your mom is a strong person, and she has you and Skylar . I hope she has time to get bored ,she is such a hard worker.
Bless you and your family .
Please don't doubt your feelings. For all your life you gave much to your Grandmother. Sometimes it's a relief when a love one dies. It's a reality & the older a person is,it becomes a relief to all. You will still miss her.
I understand completely. My father was a narcissistic alcoholic and abusive in every way. When he passed, yes, I was appropriately sad and grieved but I also (it was 40 years ago) remember a feeling of relief and calm.
Perfectly said Derrick. Now your Mom can have a life. I totally get it.
Derrick I think you covered that really well, I was fortunate to have had good relationships with both my parents, even so for me after dad died, caring for mum and watching her deteriorate physically and mentally. The amount of care she needed, had she still had all her faculties, she would have hated it.. So even when relationships are good, there can be mixed feeling when a close family member passes. Deeply saddened to loose her, but relief she was no longer needing to be treated like a baby several times a day. I can only be thankful that her mind was able to bock out the indignities involved.
The change in your Mum is very apparent, even just in the last two videos she's done. I remember feeling relief, as well as sadness, the day my Dad died, as he was very critical and demanding right to the last, and every day was fraught with not knowing what he'd be like that particular day. He was a narcissist too. I hope your Mum can now spread her wings and have some quality time, and life, with you and Skylar. Love and best wishes from England 💕
People who have never lived with a narcissistic person .... mother, husband, wife, etc. Will NEVER understand your mother's emotions/feelings. My mother is narcissistic and your mothers feelings are justified, in my mind. Thanks for this video 🤗
I have appreciated your mom sharing her journey. I have been the care taker for my mom. She is 94, and getting more and more unstable. I also care for 74 year old and post stroke. We plan to move closer to our children after my mom passes. I have learned a lot from your mom. I have a lot more to learn in the future. Thank you.
It’s gonna be fun to watch your mom come ALIVE … what a visual testimony recorded for others who have been abused to see the transformation after the abuser can no longer harm them and others after their death. Sure lifelong habits of reacting to situations will take awhile to fade … but the absolute JOY of Freedom … happens in baby steps … it’s ok … you’ll go threw the 5 stages of grief but if a person has never lived with a mean person… they will never know your mental weight that has been lifted. And physical too… the constantly walking on eggs … takes a toll … but rejoice now … it’s ok … it is really ok!
I have a friend going through this. Her very abusive mom passed a couple of days ago... lots of feelings and unsettledness and relief all rolled into one. Grieve is a process.. very cliche but a true one. Blessings to you and Darlene and Skylar.
Just a note to say you are being thought about. You were kind to the person who needed kindness and that’s a credit to your upbringing. The bad stuff gives us understanding of things that may not be common knowledge and you can help others with that learned wisdom, but you don’t have to. Thank you for kicking that door open and for sharing your stories.
Another note (which is none of my business, but I can see): Skylar loves her Daddy.
A great book titled Necessary Losses. It explains all forms of loss and why it is necessary. It's a small, easy read. Once again, sincere condolences to you all.
The more complicated our relationship, the more complicated our grief will be. because it is so FINAL and there are so many unresolved issues. May you all be blessed as you recover and get on with your lives! Sometimes the grief comes in waves, you can be fine one minute, then it just hits you again like a ton of bricks.
i am so sorry for ur loss . i saw ur Moms video today she seems so much less stressed . i am not to be ignorant but i see a huge relief in her i know that wasn’t easy for ur mom i also took care of my mom it’s hard work no doubt . u guys all have each other to get each other thru this . i’m happy ur mom is there by you guys .
Tell your Mom my sympathy for the Lost of her Mom and your Grandma
I fallow her for the long time and I love the way she is
Now she will be feeling good I know she will miss her Mom but life is continue
God take care all of you 🙏🌸🌹🌺
I am so very sorry for your Loss. My condolences to Your Creative , loving, caring Mom , Your daughter and You.. it isn’t easy. I have went through a lot of passings.. It is Great your Mom keeps busy by being on RUclips… it’s great watching her.. Please hug Your Mom ,, 🙏 Dawn 🙏
So well said. Don't put in much with those type of people. They will never stop being that way. That's why your mom doesn't have comment's on her channel. I can't wait to see how your mom grows with the freedom.
I know what your going through I lost my husband to cancer 3yrs ago seem like yesterday may God wrap his love around your family in my prayers god bless you s
Sleep deprivation alone can have a negative impact 9n those memory building moments, your own physical health, your outlook on life and sunny disposition, and your general thinking. If your mother is like most people who have dine some 7/24 care pretty much themselves, it will take a while to actually sleep a contiguous 4, or 6, or 8 hours. And it takes between a couple of weeks to a month plus to feel like you've honestly caught up in that sleep.
There is no handbook on grief..... We all handle grief differently, no one has the right to judge.
Your Mom has a right to do what is NOW best for her!
Condolences to you and your family.
My grandmother (father’s mother) told me straight out from a very early age that because she did not like my mother, I would never be good enough. It was a horrible situation even after I removed myself from that side of the family’s lives when I was 23. I remain estranged because life is just too damned hard as it is without having to constantly explain myself to people who gaslight constantly. I refuse to accept guilt for my choice. I did mourn the fact she never considered me good enough after her death but am at the same time thrilled beyond explanation that my much younger cousins had a very different grandmother experience with her.
Whatever emotions all of you are having are completely okay as you know. If someone else’s life is so charmed they’ve never had a complicated relationship with conflicting emotions so they can not understand this phenomenon, good for them (seriously). Having a charmed life does not give one the right to judge others, though. Not everyone’s life experiences are identical. (What a concept!) We as people need to turn from attacking others to supporting others instead.
Derrick thank you for being a great man, son & father. GOD bless you. The life you all have known has changed. I remember the old song, One less bell to answer, one less egg to fry..... I should be happy but , I cry. You all must take your time to mourn at least the rest of the year. My prayers for your family.
Derrick, you fid an awesome job explaining to that one commentor how complicated the passing of a loved one can be, particularly when there has been long standing toxicity. You are an incredible blessing for Darlene to have in her life. I wish you, Skylar and Darlene all the best.
Well said Deborah, I just lost my mom Jan 28. My mom didn’t raise me, but I always tried to have a relationship with her and it never was what I wished it would be. So yes everyone grieves in different ways. And no one has the right to judge.
It is hard enough to do caretaking for a loved one, especially a parent when things are good between you and them. My husband and I took care of his mother and it was a loving relationship but still tough.I cannot even imagine how much harder it would be when you’re dealing with a toxic relationship. I was constantly amazed at your mothers character , and her devotion to her mother despite the history they had together and the current difficult relationship they had . It says so much about your mom that she took such amazing care of her mother. When I heard your grandmother had passed I knew you guys would have to get through the grieving process , but I knew once your mom got through that she would have a freedom that she’s never known in her life. Not just the caretaking , but the freedom from the toxic relationship as well. I wish you all such goodness and I’m so happy that you’re all together and can enjoy being a family. I’m sure it will help you to all get through this to all be so close. You’ve been in my thoughts and prayers since I heard what happened and I know you guys are going to move forward and be good . I’m happy to hear that you’re going to cut down on your workload as well, it is good that you figured out you were overdoing it and you caught it before it caused you any health issues. Best wishes !!
I agree with you. The care that Darlene gave her mother inspite of the relationship and the narcissism is an absolute credit to her character. I have followed her for years and she has a huge heart of gold regardless of the pain that she has endured her whole life. I can already see and hear in Darlenes latest sewing videos that she is getting her spark back.
As children, when our parents can't or won't give us the love, nurturing, attention that all children should be able to count on, the unconditional love, I feel we spend our lives trying to get that from other relationships, which of course we cant. Then when the parent passes on, the grief is for the loss of that love and approval we wanted so desperately from the parent and we now are left to deal with the fact that we will never get, they are gone. We are faced with the fact that we have to love ourselves and those that are in our lives that are here and do love us.
Thanks for your perfect explanation 👌, bit of my life story right there
We miss my mother but not suffering the way she was. I have my memories, my love for her and feel and hope I will see her again in heaven.
Just watched your mom’s chat, tell her that I feel she is a very strong person to have survived a lifetime of emotional abuse! Physical abuse leaves bruises and scars that others can see, but no one else can see the pain she was suffering! I am happy she can finally live the life she deserved all those years. Hugs for her
As a daughter of a narcissistic mother, I can totally relate to everything you said, and this is how I found your Mother. Darlene has helped me to not feel totally alone in my feelings. Great talk Derrick!
Before someone makes negative comments about someone else, they need to walk in that person's shoes first. You are right. 99.9 percent of your followers know the story and know how you can have all of those feelings at the same time. I enjoy your channel Derek as I do Darlene's also. Keep up the good work.
I lost my Mom 3yrs ago. You will go through a range of emotions for months to come. Its also going thru the trauma of watching someone die..... Its hard.
Everyone deals with death and/or grieves differently. Derrick you don’t owe anyone an explanation. I commend you for being there for your mother. You are doing an awesome job!
Derrick, I enjoy listening to you. You are a natural and great communicator. You speak with such depth of understanding and explain things so well with just the right words and phrasing. Not an easy thing to do in a video. It is a joy getting to know your family. We all have family issues. We just do the best we can. I admire your mother for so many things but most of all how she treated her mother with such dignity. She is a gem and so are you. Blessings to your family.
I understand your mother and how she must be feeling sad because her mom has passed and also the mixed emotions she had while her mother was alive too. I have had to deal with narcissistic family members and it is so unfair. We carry on as best we can and just hope for the best. Your mom is free to do whatever she wants now without that heavy cloud bogging her down. I am sad for her to be alone but happy she now can be herself and not have to worry about what if. What she says and what she really feels is her business. I wish her much happiness and good health. You are a dear son and I thank you for coming on to try to explain. Some people have negative opinions and just flip it off. They don’t understand the pressure you all went through. Goodnight and thank you Derrick 😉💕
I love my mom dearly but was relieved when she passed. She had not been the same woman I knew and loved for a long time and she had a good long life (97). Of course I miss her but feel she has gone to a better place. She had difficulty walking, eating seeing and did not know any of her loved ones. I don't know if she had pain at that stage or not. I am happy the angels took her away.
My Dad was a raging, abusive narcissistic alcoholic my entire life. He passed away in 2010 & it was a weight lifted off my shoulders. I was sad, lots of tears after his passing and it still pops up occasionally. It’s something that nobody has the right to judge!!! I personally can totally relate to you and your family’s story! Those that had a storybook family can’t relate and I suppose good for them. Instead of running their mouth maybe they should count their blessings! Honestly, my tears and grief are usually for the Father that I wish he could have been.
I am old enough to understand you completely. You are such a good son. Your mother is lucky to have you.
It is absolutely normal to have mixed feelings about a loss. Your mom has taken care of your grandmother for so long that it is perfectly normal that she feels relieved by that loss. That doesn’t mean that she can’t be sad at the same time. In a way the loss of a very demanding person is even more difficult because this perso leaves a bigger hole in our every day life. Big hug to everyone. :-)
God Bless you, Darlene,Skyler and Derrick! Like you said...Grandma was 99, she had a good run and was cared for lovingly by your family. It's not actually a sin to laugh and smile after someone that age dies after living as good run so if others don't agree with how you live they can go kick rocks! By God, Darlene deserves her own life now!!
RIP Grandma.......
I’ve watched your mom’s videos and admire her for telling the truth about her life. My childhood was similar, but I left on my 18th birthday and never went back. Most people take having a loving mother for granted, and frankly don’t believe you if you tell them about a mother’s abuse. Your mom is lucky to have your support.
When my mom was in a nursing home and out of it, my younger sister visited her and told me our mother thought my sister was myself. “And she treated me like shit,” my sister (the adored baby of the family) told me. She’d never believed the abuse until then. My mom did apologize to me before she died and that meant a lot. But damage is damage and we do the best we can with what we have.
Good luck to your family and I hope the future is bright for your mother. Thanks to both of you for sharing your history. It means a lot to others like us.
Tell your mother & yourself that it’s ok to feel a sense of relief and freedom. Your mom was a saint taking care of her mom under the circumstances she had to endure her entire life. I have nothing but respect for Darlene ♥️♥️
I know … personally … all the emotions your Mom is going through, and my heart goes out to her. Just be there for her and she’ll let you know what she needs and when she needs it. All my love and compassion to you and your family during this difficult time. 👵🏻💕
My condolences to your family. She has a new world in front of her. Thank you for caring for your family but take care of yourself.
Your mum already begins to look so less stressed. She has given a lot up looking after your grandmother. Bless she will at long last be able to relax and enjoy life. Freedom means a lot. Unless you have been there very hard to know how hard it is. Sounds like you have been very busy. Keep strong you will see how much your mum will be able to do to support you as you have her.
We all grieve in our own way. No one has the right to judge how you grieve. We need to learn to show compassion. Being a caregiver is extremely difficult. I really enjoy Darlene s frankness. I wish you and your family well.
If "that" person didn't get it, they have never lost a loved one. It is never all sadness, there is relief, sometime you can be mad and many many other emotions. There is black humour. Skylar was very brave, it is difficult to see someone who has passed but I am sure she will be happy later that she did.
I totally understand all of what your Mom and you are going through. Grief is never a single emotion. Bless you all. What you and your Mom need most right now is some rest.
As a caregiver and parent-tified child to a physical and emotional sick mom I can relate. I am 62. In the end we do it because we are compassionate towards a human person however it takes a toll on our life… socially, emotionally, physically and mentally. I commend, thank, and support Darlene for speaking out because all the feelings that come with that are profound. I’m so proud of Derrick and Skylar for validating the toxicity and find a way to celebrate their grandmother/great grandmother. I look forward to watching you all enjoy more living with less stress.
I fully understand what you are saying, Derrick. It must have been so hard for your mother to take care of her mother for so many years.Darlene has surely earned her crown!
Hi Derrick, sending you and Darlene and Skylar my sympathy. You have spoken well today, from all aspects, but for me, it is that your Mother now has time to enjoy her own time now, and the non-stop hard times are over. From now on, I hope her sad times will wash away. Darlene is amazingly tough, considering her burdens and I think life will be easy and happy for her. It broke my heart to see her with the tears on a video: I just wanted to be there to help. Stay well and happy, all of you!! Cheers!
The nerve of some people! Wow! You all have the right to have the feelings that are appropriate for your situation. I appreciate all that you've shared. Thank you. Grief isn't something that can be dictated. Take care. Your family is in my thoughts.
Grief oscillates from denial , relief, sadness,anger, shock, regret… rinse and repeat in assorted patterns grief is never a neat orderly package
I so admire your Mom for what she did for her Mom. Now it's time for her to live her best life and don't look back! Wishing your family the very best life has to offer!
Thank you Derrick for being there for your mother. I am so happy she had someone to help her, listen to her and just to be there for her. My mother was also toxic, My mother did not wante to be told that she was in the hospital or in hospice.
Well said Derrick, and each of us grieves in our own way. Listen to your own hearts and no one else
Grama wasn’t a wonderful person but yet she was loved and cared for, for 99 years. The fact you and your mom are wonderful people speaks to who grama would have been if her personality wasn’t destroyed in her childhood. Sometimes you have to love a person even if they not wonderful and mourn what they should have been
Very well spoken. Glad all is behind you an mom,an can move forward now. Just watched her recent video an she did well. All have memories. Some good ,bad an in-between. Life goes on an so will all of you. Yes cut back a bit when you can.all of you go out for a nice dinner,that's always a good treat. Life is what you make it.Good nite,God bless. JOYCE FROM MICHIGAN
Well said Derrick! The mixed emotions after the death of a family member/friend/other who has had a long relationship with us is normal. The relief is so exaggerated (seemingly), however there are so many other emotions expressed (or unexpressed) by those who survive he death of a toxic/physicaly ill/mentally ill individual. There will be so many more that may not have shown "themselves" yet! Most people also experience anger, helplessness, thankfulness and when there is a toxic relationship, even a sense of elation. These are all NORMAL emotional responses! I'm not really talking to you Derrick, as much as I'm talking to those who might read the comments. Your Mom is 61 and doesn't truly know what living is until now. She will continue to doubt herself, that is part of the residual effect of having a very difficult relationship with one's Mother. She will at times feel she didn't "do enough" for her Mother -- that is complete nonsense as we do our best even when we think we aren't! Your Mom is going to be living such a different lifestyle now -- I suspect this is the first time she has truly been without immediate caregiving responsibilities in all of her life. Now she gets to bloom -- and so do you and Skylar. One more thing -- set boundaries in your work life Derrick -- I don't need to say that out loud, but it sounds like you fell into the trap that so many self-employed people find! No one can develop a work/life balance except the person living it. You can do it!
You are spot on, everyone has their own story and their own life. I relate with your mom (unfortunately) on so many things except my mom only lived with me for 6 years. It was the hardest time of my life… I just thought my childhood was bad. I promised my dad before he died of cancer that I would never turn my back on her (other family did). It’s a challenge every day to love and care for someone who is a narcissist. My mom passed away in January of last year but before she passed away she thanked me for taking such good care of her and I bawled like a baby because she never appreciated anything I did and always said things to make me look bad to others. If people can’t relate then they should be very thankful! Life isn’t great for everyone…
Again Prays for you n your family.. I think your Mother is fantastic for taking care of her mother for all that time. She ia a real Fantastic person.
No one has the right to question you, your Mother, or the rest of your Family on the grievance process, as this is personal between you all. The comments regarding your Grandmother, I feel should only be initiated from you all as a Family, not the RUclips community. You are all an amazing Family & I wish you all the best. Send my love to your Mother, please. Jordan / UK🇬🇧♥️
Being a caregiver is hard I took care of my husband till he died then I had a heart attacks it's called broken heart syndrome not an easy job ,and don't feel quality because it's freeing after so long your mom is a great person she did a great job for her mother.
Very eloquent Derrick. Yes we understand. Most families have some issues. It is never easy when someone lives so long that their quality of life is poor.
I have been following and enjoying your mom's videos for several years. I think I felt we had something in common as I too grew up with a narcissistic mother. No one realizes what it is like unless you experience it first hand. When my mother died I was very sad but within a short time, the anxiety started to lift and it was literally like being released from prison. I am happy for your mom to finally get to live the life that she wants on her own terms. Don't worry about the people who don't get it. We enjoy yours and your mom's videos. Please keep them coming. I will continue to subscribe to both of you. I love the down to earth aspect of you both. Thank you so much Derrick.
What is WONDERFUL about U is that U see all of the sides , U support Ur wonderful Mom and Daughter.U r a good Son and Dad. It is a joy to see the LOVE.
I am sorry for Your Loss,but yes Ur grandmother had a long life. please forgive any typos im waiting for eye surgery.