Making the Most Out of Therapy
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- Опубликовано: 8 сен 2024
- In this video we explore the many options of Therapy and I share my experiences with you!
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Dr. Ingrid Clayton is a clinical psychologist, trauma therapist and trauma survivor speaking on the intersection of Narcissistic Abuse and Complex Trauma. She combines her personal experiences of childhood trauma with her clinical background to educate others on trauma responses, trauma bonding, trauma reenactment and more.
She is the author of BELIEVING ME: Healing from Narcissistic Abuse and Complex Trauma.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.
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I ghosted my therapist when I realized she is judgemental. I felt unsafe and I'm not going to go back. She is a trauma therapist and EMDR works for me, but she lacks knowledge about toxic relationship dynamics.
Omg when I walk into my therapist office there was a cross and religious stuff every where. I got up to leave but a voice in my head said sit down! It wasn’t her stuff, she was just using a room in someone else’s office.
I recently finished EMDR and that was extremely helpful. It was challenging to notice the difference between sessions, but since I've stopped it's definitely improved my ability to have more moments of clarity/self awareness especially during stressful/anxious moments. Its helped me finally feel like I am making progress in my healing. I am also doing couples therapy with a LCSW who uses the IFS model and is specialized in C-PTSD. That work has also been really impactful in having a space to practice healing moments of repair/connection with my partner. It's all been hard work, but I finally feel after 10 years of doing talk therapy that I have a better idea of what works for me and my body.
As a therapist, I completely agree that the client is the expert on themselves. Not every modality is going to connect with every person. I find that with some trauma responses (freeze, fawn), it can be hard to have that conversation BUT STILL so important to have the conversation.
It's so helpful and validating to hear from someone who has experience from both perspectives.
Thank you, Dr. Clayton. There's a series on Dropout called Mentopolis where a group of actors play different parts of a scientist's personality. The scientise is in the middle of an emergency & the actors work together as their personality type to help get the scientist out of the situation safely. That is how I learned about IFS & I always think of Mentopolis when it comes up in conversation.
When I went into therapy I hit it hard, I wanted to see if she could take me, all of me and she did, then she had to leave and I haven’t found one like her again, I made my most progress with her.
That’s really hard. I’m so sorry. Don’t give up.
After taking a break from looking for a therapist I'm at it again. This video immediately popped into my head. ❤
Thanks for this! 13:19 It's only recently that I've heard a couple of therapists talk about how "blank slate" therapy can be retraumatizing, and I so appreciate it. I was also severely emotionally neglected and telling my innermost thoughts to therapists who show no emotion and give no feedback has NOT been good for me. Frankly, even separate from my issues, I find it nonsensical. Why get all that education and experience in your field and then NOT share it with the person who's paying you for your expertise? Bananas!
Hakomi!!! And I’m so glad you mentioned that EMDR does not work for everyone because it retraumatized me and I’ve heard the same from others. Although some people, including my clients, do one or two sessions with EMDR and it really helps them. Somatic experiencing was basically taken from Hakomi, but more specifically trauma focused. I appreciate Hakomi because it feels more holistic, involving the whole person and not just the trauma.
My most profound healing has come through Somatic Experiencing.
The SE practitioners I've worked with have also integrated the following modalities which have been beneficial:
Transforming Touch (aka TEB) - work of Stephen Terrell for developmental trauma
Dynamic Attachment Re-patterning experience (DARe) - work of Diane Poole Heller
Relational Bodywork and Somatic Education (BASE) - work of Dave Berger
Integral Somatic Psychology (ISP) - work of Raja Selvam
Internal Family Systems (IFS) - work of Richard Schwartz
Thank you, I needed those words around relational therapy and how it can be retraumtizing to not have a real relationship (within the context of what we are doing).
In my case, my therapist was a very nurturing one though something happened to the extent that I became broke and homeless. I searched for a new therapist specialized in trauma with whom I did Brainspotting (didn't work for me - I'm psychotic) and he told me I had a mental breakdown and that there has been countertransference between me and my previous therapist. Don't know what to say. Everything is very confusing. My psychiatrist told me I had a repressed memory when I told him I was doing well by doing neurofeedback to address my trauma, mindfulness meditation to integrate, yoga for trauma etc. I did everything in the books and ended up broke and homeless. I'm now relying on help from the institutions for getting free therapy (I'm on the waiting list), occupational therapy for job assistance, disability allowance for me being diagnosed by my trauma therapist with (C)PTSD (PTSD is the official diagnosis because CPTSD is not present in the diagnostic manual 😕), extreme anxiety and dissociation. I lost everything including my dog to this. I'm hoping to get a job to get back on my feet and start therapy with a Somatic Experiencing and NARM specialized therapist here in Dublin, Ireland. Fingers crossed.
I am doing NARM therapy and it makes all the difference for me❣️
The information pertaining to finding a trauma therapist is extremely informative and helpful. Thank you!
Searching is fine but they screen their patients these days, I have reached out to multiple and got nothing back. So much for my rejection issues 🤦🏻♀️
Not hearing back doesn't necessarily mean they've screened you. Many of them don't call back because their practice is full and they didn't bother to update their profile. It's unprofessional in my opinion, but not necessarily personal.❤
This is not going to be easy for me.
I stopped talking therapy recently because I felt unsafe, unheard and blamed.
After watching your videos and Dr Ramani I think trauma therapy will be a much better way to cope with my problems.
And if I have to pay it myself one day-
so be it.
I doubted the talking therapy sessions before, got a gut feeling that it won't work but I ignored myself and my feelings (again) from the start.
Re watching Dr Ramani's video for survivors of narcissistic abuse about red flags in therapy I have to say I kinda also ignored myself and my safety to the point where I now feel re traumatized through therapy.
I told myself when struggling
"You just have to go through with this. You're only making this feeling of uneasiness up. You have to be *stronger* than that. If you feel something said was bothering you it's just your too emotional hearing ears because of your past. You have to be better this time, you have to do this, this will be good for you in the end, your own feeling that this doesn't feel right isn't real, that's the past speaking, that's just you're inner child, you have to be a good client, you have to be brave, you have to be a reasonable *adult* (!)
person who can tolerate and go through conflicting emotions... The feeling that this doesn't feel right will go away."
I denied myself the right to feel one on one therapy feels off and not good to me.
That trauma therapy, maybe group sessions or self help groups would be a better way for me...
I denied that I feel like being in interrogation in one on one talk therapy.
(I don't know the English term for "just" talking in therapy, I only had cognitive behavioral therapy before that).
I thought if only I'm just a little bit *braver*...
If only I do it against the feeling of anxiety, if I *expose* myself to it-
I will *overcome* my uneasy feelings.
I will obsiege myself.
I will be just as "normal" as other clients.
I will not be "too dumb" to do one on one therapy.
I wanted to be *normal* so bad.
I have to admit that I didn't go for a final/ closing appointment to the therapist and not told my reasons why I stopped.
I just let her know that I stop, that I appreciate & thank her for her help and that I don't WANT to talk about it any further.
I will find closure on my own.
The therapist asked for reasons and if it won't be better to for me if we talk through it, if I come back-
And while I kinda appreciate the offer,
I realized that's just part of the problem:
I said a clear "No." in my text
(I don't want to talk about it any further)
And the therapist won't want to accept my No, even now, when I said that I don't wanna come there anymore.
Somehow, if you think about it, it's like an essential picture about me and the therapist communicating on two different sides of a coin the whole time and it's kinda funny (and sad).
The end of this relationship will need grieving time, too.
And I see things I did wrong.
And I'm sorry for them.
Things I should have done better,
like being more upfront with my feelings, telling No and Stop far more early in the process.
This therapist might be the right one for someone else, and I'm thankful for some lessons that I've learned and for the help.
And yes, not going there again might partly be my flight instinct/part avoidance and yes, maybe that's unfair in the perspective of the other person because the therapist can't learn something if I don't bring up good criticism-
But...
I feel better, sometimes even good, now.
My body slowly relaxes again.
Like a weight's been lifted off of me.
Walking away and not feeling immensely guilty and ashamed anymore
(like I SHOULD have told my reasons and OWE someone else an explanation "why"), is feeling good.
I've always been told my whole life
to be good and fair and nice and polite and care for someone else's feelings and education etc -
While others stumped on my feelings and gave a ... about me.
This time *I* am and was the only thing that was on my mind making this decision.
And I battled myself about going there one more time to tell why I don't feel good and safe there anymore over one and a half week. It wasn't an easy decision.
Until I can't sleep anymore.
Until I heard ringing in my ears.
Until I got stomach pain and digestion problems. Until I got startled by loud noises. Until I don't want to leave the house anymore. Until I started crying and questioning my whole existence because I felt there won't be help for me because I'm always the problem. That my parents were right, I'm the one to blame.
That was the turning point.
My body gave me the answer I needed to know. The warning signs.
My body doesn't feel safe anymore.
And this time I'll choose myself over being good and nice and reliable and "a good reasonable adult for society and for the therapist".
My need to feel safe is important.
I'm worth the effort.
There was a moment wherel I realized that I DON'T HAVE TO.
It's my life. I make my own decisions.
They might be looking unfair or unpleasant to others.
My feelings, my needs, the feeling that I *matter* (above someone else) is new in my life. No shoulda woulda coulda must"a"...
I took care of myself in leaving.
I don't owe anyone.
It was a professional relationship and
if I have had the feeling nothing will change even if I'm talking (because I tried it before, when things didn't felt right before in the sessions, I tried, it helped shortly, but nothing changed in the long run, even if I talked about me feeling uneasy to the therapist).
Instead I always was questioning myself, blamed me being an "emotional wrack"
and that if the therapist said something uncalled for, I'm just "too emotional" to process it and hear & understand the meaning behind it.
It kept happening again until the point where I can't stand it any longer.
If I'm not feeling okay with it,
it's my right to leave this "relationship".
Like you said, therapy is a space you can learn from and if what I get out of this one is that I'm allowed to go without pleasing another human being with an explanation or a apology why I feel how I feel-
Then it will be the first time I stopped the people pleaser in me.
First time in my life I put my own well being over everything else.
It's like a blue pause for leaving my narcissists behind one day, because they won't see what's the problem at all.
I know that I will have to work on myself, like being more confident in possible conflicting situations and it still will be a long bumpy road ahead to healing.
What I learned from this experience now is that I will allow myself more
to take care of me and my needs first
in the future. To be more patient with my healing abilities and the process.
And that I'm thankful for.
❤️❤️
I am very much looking forward to this.
Looking forward to this one.
CPTSD Survivor, I read your memoir and it was really good but also triggering. I think there's a solid case, as a result of reading it, that it's worth it learn how to believe me too; i.e. chronicling what happened to me as well for my own healing. I know there are lots of pieces of my childhood that are very difficult to remember. How were you able to get it all down on paper? Were there things that were difficult for you to remember precisely too? How did you figure that out?
Just got your book yesterday!!! ❤
This is great info! Thank you for this video!! ❤
Ingrid your videos are really great.
This video is particularly interesting because of the focus on specific details of therapy.
Would you consider making a similar video on TransPersonal Psychology?
I would be interested in hearing about what to expect from an therapist with a TransPersonal degree.
From a patient perspective what type of client would most benefit from working with a TransPersonal Psychologist ?
What are the differences and similarities, can you do a comparison with other forms of Psychology.
Would you be comfortable sharing any of your own experiences with TransPersonal Psychology ?
Does it work well with the topics you are addressing on your channel ? Meaning PTSD, C-PTSD, Narcissistic Abuse, Trauma,
Thanks Ingrid.
I am brutally honest with myself. It is important.
Ingrid, you have been a blessed influence in my life the past month! Thank you! Do you have any recommendations for a trauma therapist in or around Portland, Oregon? Thanks.
Also, what are your thoughts on RUclips videos of Tim Fletcher on the topic of complex trauma?