You hit the nail on the head with if she would do that to your face what was she doing behind your back. Personally I don’t think I would ever trust her again and I don’t think she really loves you if she wanted to hurt you like that. If you get married and she gets bored is she going to cheat and then tell you it didn’t mean anything, if you find out that you are raising someone else’s child is so going to tell you it’s no big deal? Sometimes in life a person shows you how they are, believe them! You need to find a person who actually loves you and respects you and values you for the person you are and doesn’t think it’s funny to hurt you. Good luck.
When someone shows you who they are, really, believe the actions and NOT their words. She betrayed your trust playing a stupid game. Leave her where you found her..., the street.
This is a crap test but she really stepped into it treating you like this,you should walk away and tell her and guy she's kissing that he can keep her and your done using her but if he want sloppy seconds that's all right with you then turn and leave!!!
The kiss is one thing, but it's actually the way she deliberately humiliated him, that made this such an egregious act. And yes, if she was capable of doing this right in front of him, then what was she doing behind his back? Should he give her a second chance? That's really for the individual to decide.
I would have left her at the party. Women need to know there are boundaries they do not cross. " I was drunk" doesn't fly. " They talked me into it "doesn't do it. " It was just one time" doesn't work either. " But it's you I love" ,is a non starter. Never let them keep talking. Interrupt her flow. Keep her off balance. She probably has prepared her speech. Don't let her finish it. Keep just saying "NO! Every time she starts a new approach, say "NO! Keep saying it. Eventually she will wear down or lose her temper. And for GOD'S Sake don't say "" Ok I'll think about it " When you say that she hears something else. Never back down.
OP will have a miserable life if he marries this woman. She has shown him who she really is, and, if he ignores this, then he has no one other than himself to blame for the outcome.
You can forgive her, fine, but you can never forget what she did to you and how she gaslighted you about it. So, tell her you forgive her but say a final goodbye and wish her well for her future. Then, walk away and chalk her up to history. Girlfriends are like city buses: one leaves, another one comes along eventually and you'll be happier.
If he seriously thinks that he won't always be wondering if she is going to cheat on him every time she goes out, he is in one naive guy. She "appears" to be remorseful, but that is probably because she realizes she came dangerously close to losing him (and still might). If he commits to a long-term relationship with her and gets comfortable with it, who's to say she won't venture out and cheat on him?
For me there would've been no turning back if my then GF pulled this stunt. The utter disrespect and dismissal of OPs feelings are just too much. And she only doubled down when she realized that OP wasn't having any of it and let her see that he meant buisness. This wasn 't a joke by a long shot. This was a cold move aiming to humilliate OP in public for her own selfish reasons. We can all make mistakes,but this one is a dealbreaker for me. The more you look at her actions the more red flags pop up. I would never get together again with her. She basically cheated right in front of him while on a party with lots of friends and strangers on purpose.
If she had the nerve to do this to his face infrastructure of all their friends just over a please slow down your drinking. Then what do you think she would have done after a child was born and they were in a bar and she was drunk and getting a little to frisky with another man on the dance floor and he told her to knock it off. She would have told him "you don't own me! And she would have kept dancing with the guy then after her husband would have come out onto the dance floor to get her, she would have left with the other guy and then told him after she came home, "I was joking and you took it all wrong!" Then would have went up stairs emediately to take a shower. Then if he said anything again, she would have told him "I own you! We have kids! I want an open relationship or we need time apart so I can think about our relationship (Chad and Tyrone).
@@johnrathbun2943 You have pretty much summed up exactly what I was thinking. Her whole attitude towards her fiance is "Shut up and get out of my way, bi*ch, I'm doing this cute guy and you don't get a say in the matter. I own you, I can do as I please".
A suggestion for you if you will take it. My second comment on this story. If you do break up with her for good. Do it in the most civilized way. That is for the sake of your reputation. Other women in your social group will take notice of that. They will not blame you and will see that while you were firm in your decision, you were in control, and still decent. That will boost your reputation. Again good luck
I had a girlfriend do this kind of thing , dancing with guys in a bar/club to make me jealous. Her friend who knew me warned her but she continued. Next morning she was dumped but could not understand why, I told her because trust is now gone.
She is way way way to immature to marry. You should find someone else who has the morals and integrity that you deserve. If you can't pry yourself away from her just date her and always wear a raincoat.
I think she learned a very hard gut wrenching lesson. If you end up married, im sure she will resist any temptation if she values you and the marriage. She won't just resist but run away... Quickly
Op said it. If he can't trust her with him right there in front of her then there is no telling what she will do behind his back. None of it will "mean anything" and it will all be "in fun". No. That's just sh*tty on her part. She needs to take a deep look into that part of herself. The part that gave her permission to do what she would never accept from OP.
To me, her mother had class! And her Dad! But I applaud you that whilst "aj oke gone too far" in this instance has laid extremely solid foundations for your future together! An extremely wise decision and reaction at ground zero! No mega harm done, often situations like this prevent divorce and hurt to children! Class mate who through the jerk out! All in all a very good situation , lesson and resolution. 😊😊😊
If i am OP i will make her basically servant who cant make mistake if i take her back...but something is telling me that she will be not servant for long, because she is destined to screw it sooner or later, as she already proved
How can anyone ever think that doing that is a good idea. Is she stupid? I don’t get it. Even if you are a cheater, that is still a stupid thing to do.
Tough one. Forgiveness is ESSENTIAL for all of us in life. We all need it, we should all give it. But there are limits, of course. Some transgressions can be forgiven but not forgotten. That is, bitterness can end and good will can be extended but the circumstances, the relationships can and often should _change._ Yours is a hard call, imo. But this one foolish act of hers implanted a very toxic memory. Which can't be erased. But time can/might greatly soothe it. Your call of course. Good luck.
@@Glenn-us8zg Those who are incapable of forgiving offenses and show a heartlessness in the face of someone's heartbreak will neither receive nor deserve pardon themselves. It is not clear that this was a girl of fundamentally low character or unworthiness of forgiveness. She may, in her youngness, displayed a youthful recklessness induced particularly by a party atmosphere and mood. I would give the guy credit if he carefully assessed her overall character as he had observed it and made his decision on that basis.
Not only did she kiss another guy she did it in front of other people specifically to disrespect and embarrass him and she also did it right after he told her exactly what the consequence would be. He doesn’t need to hold onto anger or hate, but giving this creature a second chance would be like giving someone who shot at you and missed a second chance.
@@jameslyons6655 Yea...her "act" is potentially/actually fatal for the future of a relationship. But I can't help but take into account basically two things (or three) - 1. They are at a party. Parties are _deliberate_ occasions when inhibitions that normally prevail are _often_ suspended, at least to some degree. 2. Parties are also occasions when alcohol flows and even people who are ordinarily not given to much drinking feel free or more free to go too far. And WE ALL KNOW PEOPLE LOSE ALL MENTAL (to say nothing of physical impairment) rationality at some point. They are simply not themselves. They are not blameless because of it...AND...they are not their authentic selves...BOTH. 3. She is YOUNG. I am over 70 and in looking back I cringe at some of the thoughts, things said and done, and attitudes that I was responsible for in my youth and young adulthood. I wasn't "awful" comparatively speaking, just young-and-stupid. Probably no stupider than most my age in my youth. It just comes with the territory. I have proved over the years that with a typically decent, conscientious person that such people CHANGE. As a rule - for the BETTER. Often even _much_ better. Only the young man can assess the young girl's over all character, make a judgment as to its _normal_ solidness or lack thereof. It may be that forgiveness is a blessing not only for her but for them both. As I say, as far as I'm concerned...it's a tough one, a knife's-edge decision.
The one thing I hate above others in this story. If he does drop her for good, some other guy will benefit from this experience she has had. Now she knows that there are some things you don't joke about or do. Whatever you decide Good Luck.
OP it's your relationship and your choice how to handle it. Even without knowing about your issues regarding relationships what she did was incredibly disrespectful. Doing what she did knowing about your issues in front of others pushes the disrespect to another level. As you can see from the comments most people posting think you should "kick her to the streets" Me? I say do what you think is best for you. Not her because she didn't show you any respect at the time. Whatever you do I wish you luck!
Well this is a bit tough. She was an idiot and it would be very hard to ever trust her again. He did the right thing by breaking off the engagement and unfortunately if he was to ask her again, he should make it clear that she would have to sign a prenuptial agreement that stated if she kissed another dude or had an emotional affair or obviously a physical affair, she leaves with just her clothes. I would make it clear while dating her again that "if" I ever aske the question again it would come with that condition. In my opinion she failed the fiancé' test and it would be time to move on, but I guess demoting her back to girlfriend for YEARS to see if she has changed is okay. The risk is he could find someone who wouldn't ever think about doing that.
She is too immature for a serious relationship. I think OP is taking a big risk staying with her, but if he does stay with her he needs a very strong iron clad pre-nup that has heavy penalties for cheating. At the very least the engagement should be for at least 5 years!
OK, 2 points. This girl has a LOT of maturity issues. I doubt she's currently a cheater, but her level of immaturity [immediately pushing back on the whole "kiss" idea at the party, then running around the house like a teenager when he agrees to see her again] indicates she is NOT yet wife material. That level of immaturity could very easily lead her to involve herself in dangerous situations and "chicken fights" that end up destroying this or future relationships. She needs counselling to discuss her maturity level, and to work on herself. Couples counselling might help as well.
It is not said what kind of kiss it was Was it à kiss on the fronthead or the cheek ? OK forgive her But if it was a Spice kiss with the tongue throw her away
In the 1st place she had no business with her hands on another man. Just like another man has no business touching her. I think he was far calmer than I would have been. She had no business kissing another man any kind of way.
She kisses another guy while her boyfriend watches so can you imagine how this woman behaves when her fiance isn't around?
No surprise there!
Not to mention the blatant disrespect she showed him trying to play him out in front of a crowd. Absolutely for the streets.
You cannot make the statement that you are not stupid right after you say that you are dating a cheater again. That's not how that works.
You hit the nail on the head with if she would do that to your face what was she doing behind your back.
Personally I don’t think I would ever trust her again and I don’t think she really loves you if she wanted to hurt you like that.
If you get married and she gets bored is she going to cheat and then tell you it didn’t mean anything, if you find out that you are raising someone else’s child is so going to tell you it’s no big deal?
Sometimes in life a person shows you how they are, believe them!
You need to find a person who actually loves you and respects you and values you for the person you are and doesn’t think it’s funny to hurt you. Good luck.
When someone shows you who they are, really, believe the actions and NOT their words. She betrayed your trust playing a stupid game. Leave her where you found her..., the street.
This is a crap test but she really stepped into it treating you like this,you should walk away and tell her and guy she's kissing that he can keep her and your done using her but if he want sloppy seconds that's all right with you then turn and leave!!!
A joke of pushing the limits by disrespecting OP by kissing the other man. Foolish person broke the trust he had for her.
The level of deliberate disrespect is way too high. Only a simp with zero self respect would ever take this woman back under any terms.
The kiss is one thing, but it's actually the way she deliberately humiliated him, that made this such an egregious act. And yes, if she was capable of doing this right in front of him, then what was she doing behind his back? Should he give her a second chance? That's really for the individual to decide.
I would have left her at the party.
Women need to know there are boundaries they do not cross.
" I was drunk" doesn't fly.
" They talked me into it "doesn't do it.
" It was just one time" doesn't work either.
" But it's you I love" ,is a non starter.
Never let them keep talking.
Interrupt her flow.
Keep her off balance.
She probably has prepared her speech.
Don't let her finish it.
Keep just saying "NO!
Every time she starts a new approach, say "NO!
Keep saying it.
Eventually she will wear down or lose her temper.
And for GOD'S Sake don't say "" Ok I'll think about it "
When you say that she hears something else.
Never back down.
If you marry her, have her sign a robust, ten-page pre-nuptial agreement.
OP will have a miserable life if he marries this woman. She has shown him who she really is, and, if he ignores this, then he has no one other than himself to blame for the outcome.
You can forgive her, fine, but you can never forget what she did to you and how she gaslighted you about it. So, tell her you forgive her but say a final goodbye and wish her well for her future. Then, walk away and chalk her up to history. Girlfriends are like city buses: one leaves, another one comes along eventually and you'll be happier.
I’m not psychic but I foresee more “jokes” in this guy’s future.
If he seriously thinks that he won't always be wondering if she is going to cheat on him every time she goes out, he is in one naive guy. She "appears" to be remorseful, but that is probably because she realizes she came dangerously close to losing him (and still might). If he commits to a long-term relationship with her and gets comfortable with it, who's to say she won't venture out and cheat on him?
For me there would've been no turning back if my then GF pulled this stunt. The utter disrespect and dismissal of OPs feelings are just too much. And she only doubled down when she realized that OP wasn't having any of it and let her see that he meant buisness. This wasn 't a joke by a long shot. This was a cold move aiming to humilliate OP in public for her own selfish reasons. We can all make mistakes,but this one is a dealbreaker for me. The more you look at her actions the more red flags pop up. I would never get together again with her. She basically cheated right in front of him while on a party with lots of friends and strangers on purpose.
True words. I cannot see, how he will trust her ever again. OP should leave her and move on.
If she had the nerve to do this to his face infrastructure of all their friends just over a please slow down your drinking. Then what do you think she would have done after a child was born and they were in a bar and she was drunk and getting a little to frisky with another man on the dance floor and he told her to knock it off. She would have told him "you don't own me! And she would have kept dancing with the guy then after her husband would have come out onto the dance floor to get her, she would have left with the other guy and then told him after she came home, "I was joking and you took it all wrong!" Then would have went up stairs emediately to take a shower. Then if he said anything again, she would have told him "I own you! We have kids! I want an open relationship or we need time apart so I can think about our relationship (Chad and Tyrone).
@@johnrathbun2943You can almost see the trainwreck incoming in this one😅
@@johnrathbun2943 You have pretty much summed up exactly what I was thinking. Her whole attitude towards her fiance is "Shut up and get out of my way, bi*ch, I'm doing this cute guy and you don't get a say in the matter. I own you, I can do as I please".
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes
A suggestion for you if you will take it. My second comment on this story. If you do break up with her for good. Do it in the most civilized way. That is for the sake of your reputation. Other women in your social group will take notice of that. They will not blame you and will see that while you were firm in your decision, you were in control, and still decent. That will boost your reputation. Again good luck
Short stories, but with a no-nonsense approach without the tediousness other sites seem to be following lately!!!
Yep, looking to tell stories, not spend an hour of your time trying to get to the story.
None of that going on and on about what happened at work or what they had to eat for lunch.
I had a girlfriend do this kind of thing , dancing with guys in a bar/club to make me jealous. Her friend who knew me warned her but she continued. Next morning she was dumped but could not understand why, I told her because trust is now gone.
Alcohol oh Alcohol , why do you bring out my true self !
She was taunting you and disrespting you to your face. How could that ever be considered to be a joke?
She is way way way to immature to marry. You should find someone else who has the morals and integrity that you deserve. If you can't pry yourself away from her just date her and always wear a raincoat.
Maybe 2 raincoats! 😉
I think she learned a very hard gut wrenching lesson. If you end up married, im sure she will resist any temptation if she values you and the marriage. She won't just resist but run away... Quickly
Could be. That's the hope. Not an easy decision for him.
She now know where she stands and how he will react on any kind of infidelity...so she will hide it better
I don't know.. seems like you'd need to keep her on a short leash. Is that really what you'd want to sign up for?
Dodged a bullet. No second chances because it WILL happen again.
Disrespect.
Don't tolerate it.
Op said it. If he can't trust her with him right there in front of her then there is no telling what she will do behind his back.
None of it will "mean anything" and it will all be "in fun". No. That's just sh*tty on her part. She needs to take a deep look into that part of herself. The part that gave her permission to do what she would never accept from OP.
To me, her mother had class! And her Dad! But I applaud you that whilst "aj oke gone too far" in this instance has laid extremely solid foundations for your future together! An extremely wise decision and reaction at ground zero! No mega harm done, often situations like this prevent divorce and hurt to children! Class mate who through the jerk out! All in all a very good situation , lesson and resolution. 😊😊😊
If i am OP i will make her basically servant who cant make mistake if i take her back...but something is telling me that she will be not servant for long, because she is destined to screw it sooner or later, as she already proved
Why do u need time to think. Dump her , like she dumped your feelings
How can anyone ever think that doing that is a good idea. Is she stupid?
I don’t get it. Even if you are a cheater, that is still a stupid thing to do.
She was testing him. Seeing what she could get away with. Can you say control? Do you want to marry that?
If you stay with her she WILL cheat.
Reverse the roles and see how funny she thinks it is. Why is she even allowed to be around OP after the party? Oh wait, he’s another doormat.
Tough one. Forgiveness is ESSENTIAL for all of us in life. We all need it, we should all give it. But there are limits, of course. Some transgressions can be forgiven but not forgotten. That is, bitterness can end and good will can be extended but the circumstances, the relationships can and often should _change._ Yours is a hard call, imo. But this one foolish act of hers implanted a very toxic memory. Which can't be erased. But time can/might greatly soothe it. Your call of course. Good luck.
I don't forgive disrespect. There are no second chances.
Plus size did it in front of people.
That reflects on you.
@@Glenn-us8zg Those who are incapable of forgiving offenses and show a heartlessness in the face of someone's heartbreak will neither receive nor deserve pardon themselves. It is not clear that this was a girl of fundamentally low character or unworthiness of forgiveness. She may, in her youngness, displayed a youthful recklessness induced particularly by a party atmosphere and mood. I would give the guy credit if he carefully assessed her overall character as he had observed it and made his decision on that basis.
Not only did she kiss another guy she did it in front of other people specifically to disrespect and embarrass him and she also did it right after he told her exactly what the consequence would be. He doesn’t need to hold onto anger or hate, but giving this creature a second chance would be like giving someone who shot at you and missed a second chance.
@@jameslyons6655 Yea...her "act" is potentially/actually fatal for the future of a relationship. But I can't help but take into account basically two things (or three) - 1. They are at a party. Parties are _deliberate_ occasions when inhibitions that normally prevail are _often_ suspended, at least to some degree. 2. Parties are also occasions when alcohol flows and even people who are ordinarily not given to much drinking feel free or more free to go too far. And WE ALL KNOW PEOPLE LOSE ALL MENTAL (to say nothing of physical impairment) rationality at some point. They are simply not themselves. They are not blameless because of it...AND...they are not their authentic selves...BOTH. 3. She is YOUNG. I am over 70 and in looking back I cringe at some of the thoughts, things said and done, and attitudes that I was responsible for in my youth and young adulthood. I wasn't "awful" comparatively speaking, just young-and-stupid. Probably no stupider than most my age in my youth. It just comes with the territory. I have proved over the years that with a typically decent, conscientious person that such people CHANGE. As a rule - for the BETTER. Often even _much_ better. Only the young man can assess the young girl's over all character, make a judgment as to its _normal_ solidness or lack thereof. It may be that forgiveness is a blessing not only for her but for them both. As I say, as far as I'm concerned...it's a tough one, a knife's-edge decision.
The one thing I hate above others in this story. If he does drop her for good, some other guy will benefit from this experience she has had. Now she knows that there are some things you don't joke about or do. Whatever you decide Good Luck.
He handled it like a boss
Right up till he took her back….
@@Radar-db1bc i wrote that before i saw that. Great point.
This dude is an idiot. she is going to cheat
OP I think you are making a mistake dating GF again.
I still remember the old saying, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." Walk away and don't let yourself be fooled again.
Where do you go when you have gone too far?
OP it's your relationship and your choice how to handle it.
Even without knowing about your issues regarding relationships what she did was incredibly disrespectful.
Doing what she did knowing about your issues in front of others pushes the disrespect to another level.
As you can see from the comments most people posting think you should "kick her to the streets"
Me?
I say do what you think is best for you. Not her because she didn't show you any respect at the time.
Whatever you do I wish you luck!
Well this is a bit tough. She was an idiot and it would be very hard to ever trust her again. He did the right thing by breaking off the engagement and unfortunately if he was to ask her again, he should make it clear that she would have to sign a prenuptial agreement that stated if she kissed another dude or had an emotional affair or obviously a physical affair, she leaves with just her clothes. I would make it clear while dating her again that "if" I ever aske the question again it would come with that condition. In my opinion she failed the fiancé' test and it would be time to move on, but I guess demoting her back to girlfriend for YEARS to see if she has changed is okay. The risk is he could find someone who wouldn't ever think about doing that.
She is too immature for a serious relationship. I think OP is taking a big risk staying with her, but if he does stay with her he needs a very strong iron clad pre-nup that has heavy penalties for cheating. At the very least the engagement should be for at least 5 years!
You don't need time to think about it
FWB only
OK, 2 points.
This girl has a LOT of maturity issues. I doubt she's currently a cheater, but her level of immaturity [immediately pushing back on the whole "kiss" idea at the party, then running around the house like a teenager when he agrees to see her again] indicates she is NOT yet wife material.
That level of immaturity could very easily lead her to involve herself in dangerous situations and "chicken fights" that end up destroying this or future relationships.
She needs counselling to discuss her maturity level, and to work on herself. Couples counselling might help as well.
Bravo!👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
It is not said what kind of kiss it was
Was it à kiss on the fronthead or the cheek ? OK forgive her
But if it was a Spice kiss with the tongue throw her away
In the 1st place she had no business with her hands on another man.
Just like another man has no business touching her.
I think he was far calmer than I would have been.
She had no business kissing another man any kind of way.
You shouldn't trust her, just my opinion
24 is way too young.
This SIMP is asking for infidelity.
Mega simp beta bucks, couldn't keep his spine.
LOL. Chump.