Just finished reading ‘Raising Warriors: Preparing Your Children For a Godly Life’ and it really opened my eyes to some new ways of guiding my kids in their faith. Highly recommend it if you’re looking to strenghten your family’s spiritual life
my non verbal 2 yr old was driving us crazy. I was crying daily. He didn’t understand “no” and was always having fits and getting into things CONSTANTLY. It wasn’t until I was discipled by an older women how exactly to implement biblical parenting did things get better. I’m telling you in TWO DAYS there was peace in my house!!! I was trying all the “gentle parenting”stuff but it was not working. You cannot reason with a toddler which is what I felt like they were telling me to do. Once I stopped trying to do things the world’s way and started being the authority to my children, our house was more peaceful, we all had more fun throughout the day, I could actually sleep and we could go places without my children disrupting everything and everyone constantly. That 2 yr old is now 5 and he speaks just fine now lol. We have other kids and we gladly welcomed them (and future kids!) because we knew how to parent!! Also I am not yelling anymore (or crying) because my kids know the boundaries and in turn I can actually trust them more because I know they will obey. Discipline happens a lot less actually. My kids are 4, 2 and a baby. I don’t have baby gates or cabinet locks. No one is constantly escaping their room after bedtime. I’m no longer just surviving as a mother… I enjoy being a mother! It’s amazing.
@@SuneScharneckI don’t know what this woman was taught but as far as I know in practice, you let the child know the consequences for their actions and you calmly deliver. Say Timmy is throwing his food at you and you tell him to stop but he keeps doing it. “Ok Timmy Mommy said to stop and you disobeyed me. I am going to spank you now.” I have them hold on to the back of the couch and deliver a single open-handed swat to the bottom. If they try to protest I count to five slowly and every time I get to five is another swat added. For my 9 year old SD I only ever had to do this 2 or three times when she was 3-5. However with my 11 year old she was already almost 6 when I came into the picture. We only took privileges away and we are still trying to get the reins on her tantrums and disrespect. For my babies I will be starting this earlier requiring obedience the first time instead of training them not to listen until the third time like multiple warnings seem to do.
I would love to see a video on examples of parenting according to the Bible, scenarios that we could relate to so as to give us direction in our own moments. And examples across the ages, from toddler to your oldest. And also perhaps discipline scenarios that you both feel set the foundation for your oldest early on that now he doesn't need constant correction. Thank you for speaking out ❤
The New Dare to Discipline book by Dr James Dobson is a great Christian resource with more specific examples and guidelines for what's appropriate at different ages.
I grew up with my parents being so conscious of sin, and I think it does blanket a lot of shame onto children. Their capacity to understand all of it is limited, and in a time of their lives where love is so vital for their development. I have found that the less pressure and shame even with sin talk the better. I pray for my children, watch what I say about them, speak the word over them and bind Satan and his activity every morning. They are the weaker and more vulnerable and it’s our job to protect them. Too much at their little ages is just too much. Mine are all under 5. We talk about the Lord all day but, how we can call upon Him in all hours for help like a friend and talk to Him, and He is always there, He is everything good and we are free from hurts and scary thoughts, and He is there to heal us when we do experience hurt. The less attention and focus on their “sin” at such young ages and more focus on the connection, love and good the better.
I also remember my mom reading the Bible to me before she spanked me on the bare bottom. I’ve struggled a lot and had to overcome a lot in my adult life from those years of being turned off, shut down, and never really getting time spent with my parents learning how to regulate my emotions or understand anything at all that felt terrifying as a kid. Just punished for it.
God uses corporal punishment. Adam and Eve’s punishment was painful physically and spiritually and mentally. Took gifts away and added painful childbearing and tilling of the land and even death etc . Just saying food for thought . The Old Testament is filled with hard lessons that hurt. Obviously the parents in the video connect with and love their kids . It is evident through all the positive interactions they have . Even the wonderful conversations after the punishment is connection and growth .
💯 while I was pregnant I started following influencers that talked a lot about gentle parenting and then I thought it was a good idea. Once my children came into the world, I realized that wasn't how I wanted or could raise them if I wanted them to grow up into functioning responsible adults, so I threw it all out the window.
@@micaelagrant9240oh please, everyone in child care or school these days know that children these days are complete brats that wont listen to authority and that no one wants to be around. Proof that millennials with their gentle parenting are doing parenting wrong. If you are constantly validate every single emotion instead of disciplining, you get entitled and unruly kids. Everyone hates Gen Alpha already, even Gen Z.
You don’t want to teach your children about rules and boundaries, respect, manners, discipline, empathy, consequences? If you DO teach those then that IS Gentle Parenting/Authoritative parenting. So how do you raise your children? To do whatever they want? You allow them to step all over you? They’re disrespectful, rude, have tantrums, don’t follow rules or boundaries, don’t have manners. You don’t communicate with your kids? You don’t teach them to control their emotions? That’s concerning.
@@User-lshdh82 My best friends gentle parent. I asked them what "discipline" means. They talked a lot about "teaching and guiding." Those words mean great things, as long as we're defining them biblically. I see you listed a bunch of vocab words yourself. Let me just say, my best friends' kids are an absolute nightmare. This past weekend when I visited, I saw so much whining, so many instances of disobedience, and all of these instances were met with calm discussions and lessons about feelings. And within 2-3 minutes, we're back to whining and disobeying. All freaking day. The oldest is almost 7 years old. Youngest isn't quite two. When does gentle parenting start working or showing any semblance of fruit? My nieces are not "Gentle parented/Authoritative Parented." They are loved. And they are absolute bundles of joy, happiness, and a delight to be around. And they are extremely precocious, inquisitive, strong-willed, articulate, etc. They also have a clean house, clean vehicles, clean rooms. Because they haven't been taught by their parents how to manipulate authority and toe the line.
@@tryphenarose384ah yes, because when you see it being described in the Bible, it totally means it’s okay and prescribed by God, and not a result of man’s sin. 😉
I feel like “authoritarian” is “I said no, because I’m the parent and that’s all” vs biblical parenting is “I said no because I’m the parent and here’s WHY I said no and I love you” just like the Bible, if we don’t explain WHY God commands certain things, it can be easy for people to run from that instead of towards it.
When you say no you need to have a reason, I read a book by Jocko Willink and he mentions if you tell your kid to wear a helmet when riding your bike you can’t just say “ because I said so “ if you explain the dangers of not wearing a helmet they would understand why better .
Answering the why is often very important. We are teachers for our kids and we want them to know and learn! But I think they're touching on the idea that sometimes God asks us to obey without knowing the why. We obey because we love him and trust him, not because we can figure out why he's asking. That is a huge element of parenting too and that is ignored when we ALWAYS give a reason why. Obedience of authroity isn't conditional on our understanding. You break the law, you pay a penalty, regardless of your understanding. This is hard for me. I love explaining things to my kids so much! It's exciting to me that I can help them learn about the world, but if I'm not careful, I will be neglecting to teach them about obedience.
Why is everyone who agrees in the comments referring to spanking/beating their children as “discipline”? Instead of all of them saying, “I started spanking my 2 year old,” they’re saying “I started disciplining my 2 year old,” as if that code word makes it less disturbing. As if discipline is only done through spanking. Jesus would have never spanked a child, if you know the character of Jesus at all! Jesus was the most gentle with children. And with his wisdom and grace upon our lives, we can model Christ-like behavior (patience, kindness, empathy) and help guide our children towards understanding their need for a Savior. Once they’ve accepted Christ, the Holy Spirit will convict their hearts. There are so many other consequences that are effective and appropriate for children. Don’t get in the Holy Spirits way by spanking with one hand while upholding the Bible in the other. We are told not to stir up our children’s hearts towards anger, and I know from first-hand experience that spanking separated me from Christ, not drawing nearer to Him. My faith was fear-based and dependent on my parents, not a personal relationship with the Lord myself. And I was always taken into a back room, told what I did wrong, was told “this hurts me more than it hurts you,” and was spanked “calmly” and in “all the right ways” according to fundamental Baptists, and I still was angryyyyy after each “discipline” because I felt my parent was winning against me. I still believe my parents were sinning against me, but now two decades later I have a strong relationship with the Lord and I’m raising my small children by breaking the cycle of abuse.
They don’t want their kids taken by CPS so they call it a more socially acceptable term. Just disgusting. Why are Christian’s of all people who claim to know the love and grace of God all worked up over their right to hit their children. I want to ask each of them in person if Jesus would hit their children!!!!
Also I was raised similarly to you ❤and I know it takes immense courage to actually question your upbringing when your parents did their best and what they thought was biblical. It’s a courage that a lot of others don’t seem to possess. Because if they admit the way their parents did things wasn’t biblically mandated it may lead them to see it harmed them and that would destroy this perfect happy family facade these teachings promised to create.
Both my sister and I were whooped and we turned out pretty good . No mental health issues or anything. Not to say it’s the only way to discipline, every child is different.
@@StormscapeXI was whooped too, and my parents are my best friends. Also happily married and in a stable family. Spanking doesn’t mean abuse. Get over yourself.
This was such a blessing!! I didn’t realize all the things that were wrong about gentle parenting. Thank you so much, this clarified things a lot to me!
Some parent’s ideas are shaped by harmful attitudes and ‘discipline’ they, themselves, suffered from at the hands of their own extreme legalistic parents. So as a reaction to that upbringing, they tend to not want to discipline at all. It’s sad that many of them see authority as abusive or angry. I so wish they could have had the experience of knowing that an authority can be kind and loving. 😥 Thank you
Someone that abuses you is not kind and loving; those are the poisonous words of the abuser that are taught. Anybody that claims to LOVE you while they are physically assaulting you or screaming at you is a liar and an evil person. My own mother would kick in my door and scream at me for absolutely no reason. She has NPD after being raped by her step-dad and was verbally abusive and used everyone to get what she wanted. She believed in this same garbage and now we don't speak much anymore.. Every time she tries to call me, she tries to manipulate me and my wife over the phone and gaslight us into submitting to her wishes. A lot of people on this page have that same disorder and it's sad that they continue to perpetuate this behavior thru suppressing their own trauma thru manipulation, rage, or sleight of hand.
You’re right, anyone who assaults you or abuses you (yelling, screaming or lashing out) is not loving or kind. It sounds like you had a horrible upbringing and were terribly mistreated. That is nothing like what I am talking about. I’m sorry you suffered at the hands of a traumatized mother…and it seems like she would continue to abuse you if given the chance. Her own hurts must run deep. I hope you can find healing from this kind of terrible treatment.
You guys are SPOT ON! Many times when I’m disciplining our children, I will talk with them about the specific behavior and where it comes from (selfishness, anger, pride) and I’ll say, “Do you know what that’s called?… Sin.” It is so important for them to understand that we ALL fall short of the glory of God. How else will they ever receive the beautiful grace that God offers us through the sacrifice of His son. Keep up the honest talk! Love it! ❤
No, no, no. Until a child is old enough to be at the age of “accountability,” painting everything they do as sinful creates a lot of shame and separates them from having a true relationship with the Lord. Their relationship will likely always be through their parents, and not genuine on their own. Breaking a child down through corporal punishment is not modeling the behavior of Christ. If you spank your children with one hand while holding the Bible in the other, you’re a wedge between them and God. I experienced it first hand and it took years to deconditon myself from the anger I felt and establish a true relationship with the Lord.
@@maryanne.sanders I hear what you are saying. I should clarify by saying that I have those conversations with my older children, ages 8 and up. We have extension conversations about grace and we model that as well. 😊
@@MotherRabbitsKitchen may I ask why you worded it “when I am disciplining my children” instead of “when I am spanking my children”? I’ve noticed that throughout the comment section here. I discipline my children in a dozens ways that don’t include any spanking at all. Yet people in the comments section are using the word discipline as if it’s synonymous with spanking? I feel like it’s a code word that is used to sterilize the word spanking. Would you “discipline” your children in front of others without feeling conviction? Any discipline or consequence or even the way I speak to my children is 100% the same in public and in private.
@@maryanne.sanders when I said discipline, I did not mean spanking at all. As I said above, I was referring to my older children whom I do not spank. I meant disciplining as in taking the moment to pause and speaking to my child about their behavior and the motive behind it.
@@MotherRabbitsKitchen then absolutely!! Our job is to train and encourage, like you just mentioned. That’s gentle parenting. Katy and her husband are referring to spanking throughout this video, based on what they said and other content they’ve promoted.
YES! I have been saying this about the "Gentle Parenting" approach for a long time now. I 100% agree! I am so glad that someone is brave enough to actually address this!
Theres root words for these that you must study to truly get the meaning if the bible in Jesus day and language The ROD meant to lovingly guide. This is out of context. Research it. Please STOP this. Violence promotes violence. All you do is instill fear and show your child that violence solves the issue. This is not biblical sadly MANY HAVE BEEN LEAD ASTRAY BY YHIS SCRIPTURE. IT DOES NOT MEAN TO LITERALLY BEAT/SPANK YOUR CHILD. I REPEAT. IT MEANS JUST THE OPPOSITE TO LOVINGLY GUIDE THEM. PLEASE DO YOUR RESEARCH!!!!CHILD ABUSE NEEDS TO STOP
So you agree that respecting a child as a human being, talking to children and not at them, respecting appropriate binderies for children, and all which is really just another word for authoritative parenting? Gentle parenting and authoritative parenting are the same thing
@@alaws2005No it’s not. Gentle parenting doesn’t teach children boundaries. It’s teaches them manipulation as a way to get what they want or to get out of uncomfortable situations. Gentle parenting does not work. It doesn’t even exist in developmental psychology books. It should be called “soft parenting”
Wow!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR DOING A PODCAST ON THIS! I was totally falling for the positive discipline teachings. They sound so good… but I am thankful that you have opened my eyes on this now! Praise God!
Y'all are preaching so good on this here podcast! I felt the Holy Spirit throughout the whole episode! Thank you for letting God use you to minister to parents who really need to hear this 🙋🏾♀️! You are like a breath of fresh air! ❤
The rod actually represents the word of the Lord- that's what you should be "Beating" your child with, not a stick. People don't understand this because they look at the Old Testament use of the rod instead of in light of the new covenant where Jesus has taken our beating for us. Children don't need to be hit to repent any more than adults do. What they need is the word (which is the rod symbolically).
Thank you so much for addressing this topic. I finally understand why I had been so confused when the moment comes to discipline my son, why I was so ineffective; there was fear operating in me because I wasn't on solid ground, I was using this ideology to educate. Thank you for being brave, bringing this light and freedom! God's blessing for you and your entire family!
THANK YOU for being brave & for going there! I have found so-called "gentle" Christian parents to be some of the most vitriolic, ungracious people out there (not all of them). And not only is it not biblical, but it is setting up children with the unrealistic expectation that the thing everyone in the world is going to be the most concerned about is "their feelings." Emotions are neutral in that they can be good or bad. Not every emotion is good just because we feel it. There is righteous anger & there is most definitely unrighteous anger. Children that are taught that the world is going to conform to all of their feelings are in for a rude awakening. I've also realized through this episode that though I've never bought into the gentle parenting mind set, my motivations have often been selfish & not biblical though outwardly my methods maybe they looked so. I needed a serious heart check, so thank you for that as well.
I completely agree with your assessment as well. The gentle parenting model often includes the validation of a child's feelings, but I think it could be a problem for the reasons you stated. In addition, the language used in the method obfuscates the meaning of "valid." What does it mean when something is valid or when you are validating a feeling? According to the definition of the word, valid means " having a sound basis in logic or fact; reasonable or cogent." Another definition is "legally or officially acceptable." By validating a child's feelings, you are communicating that the emotional reaction to the behavior is acceptable. For example, a child has a tantrum at the grocery store because his mother wouldn't buy a new toy for him. The child's emotional reaction in itself lacks any logic or reason. He acted on instinct without calmly explaining his needs or desires and he failed to understand that his behavior is disruptive and unpleasant to the people around him. So, if we were to go by the definition of "valid", this child's reaction was not valid at all as it lacks logic or reasonable behavior. This may be one of many reasons why you have so many young kids who can't emotionally regulate today. They lack an understanding of social awareness, have never been taught to calmly communicate their thoughts, and have never been taught to accept disappointment. Some parents may be accidentally confusing the idea of "valid" with "real." Of course, what their child is experiencing in the moment is a real, raw emotion that cannot be denied. However, it may not be the appropriate emotion to use in that moment, and it is up to us as adults/parents to teach them that. What parents and parenting coaches should say is that the reality of the child's feelings should be acknowledged, but it does not mean they are valid emotions.
@@nerdygrl647young children can’t emotionally regulate from a developmental perspective. You don’t know what you’re talking about. Get them to repress all emotion instead. That works out well. I can’t understand why people expect better emotional regulation and behaviour from actual children than they display themselves. Children are not mini adults.
Thank you for the video! I found myself thinking, during the introduction segment, that the use of specific terms is very important. From what I've read (books, not internet, and as an 80s baby ;) ), there's a continuum of parenting styles with corresponding most-appropriate terms: - Authoritarian = dictatorial, child has no input in the process - Authoritative = parents are the boss but they do not abuse that power since they are aware of both God's grace that they're under and God's authority that they're under (matches what you describe as biblical parenting) - Gentle = democratic, with equal representation for children/parents - Permissive = child is the boss, parent abdicates responsibility
I rushed to the comments to make sure someone had clarified this! Thank you for commenting. There is so much more here from a psychological perspective that is important to understand before we jump to conclusions, and this is one of the basics- defining parenting styles properly and with the correct sources so we don't conflate authoritative and authoritarian not gentle parenting with authoritarian. For everyone watching, please do your own research!
Great discussion! I would really like to hear you guys elaborate on disciple/correction techniques that are biblical with small children. Mine are toddlers and I struggle with finding effective techniques.
This has been misunderstood sadly. Do your research. It means the opposite of hurting.The sheep were not beaten with the rod. "Sparing the rod" in that sense, means that a parent must lovigly guide his or her child and teach the child right from wrong with love. Spanking is not biblical. When you research and study the words and meaning in Jesus language and day and the truth will set you free
We're in the new testament now. Jesus would not beat your child to correct them he an advocate for love. To prove this. It's not meant to be literal. Figuratively speaking If your child needs more direction you must do more. aAMUCH MORE EFFORT. Other translations say disciple/correct. Discipline comes from the word DISCIPLE. WHICH MEANS TEACH. SET AN EXAMPLE. A good Shepard doesn't beat his sheep. Much of the bible is in parables and figurative because of the culture Greek -hebrew language and way of speaking during that time. The oppsite of western philosophy. Different words have different meanings. You must dissect those words and study them to get the correct interpretation. If God refers to us as sheep does that mean that we are literally sheep? Also consider KJV was written quickly look at its history. It has to be studied and you should consider other versions and scripture that support this. Read Matt 18. When you beat a child you instill fear. Through history we see leaders used fear tactics to get control of people. Nepolian, Hitler, Alexander the great etc... they obeyed out of fear. The world doesn't work in this way either. A man will go to jail if he goes and beats another man. When's the last time a judge spanked somebody for there bad behavior. This is teaching children violence solves a problem. Not how the world works and not natural consequences. They need to have natural consequences and be loved on discipled not abused.
Matthew 18:6 But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.
Matthew 18:6-7 The Message (MSG) “But if you give them a hard time, bullying or taking advantage of their simple trust, you'll soon wish you hadn't. You'd be better off dropped in the middle of the lake with a millstone around your neck. Doom to the world for giving these God-believing children a hard time!
Excellent content/conversation! One of my favorite episodes so far. Don't worry about how long the video is. What you shared is important and most of all biblical! This topic does need to be discussed! You two are wise beyond your years! Keep sharing! ☺️
The sheep were not beaten with the rod. "Sparing the rod" in that sense, means that a parent must lovingly guide his or her child and teach the child right from wrong with love.
Theres root words for these that you must study to truly get the meaning if the bible in Jesus day and language The ROD meant to lovingly guide. This is out of context. Research it. Please STOP this. Violence promotes violence. All you do is instill fear and show your child that violence solves the issue. This is not biblical sadly MANY HAVE BEEN LEAD ASTRAY BY YHIS SCRIPTURE. IT DOES NOT MEAN TO LITERALLY BEAT/SPANK YOUR CHILD. I REPEAT. IT MEANS JUST THE OPPOSITE TO LOVINGLY GUIDE THEM. PLEASE DO YOUR RESEARCH
My husband and I love listening to you guys. Thank you for taking the time and energy each of these podcasts to put it out for us to listen to and learn from. God bless you two and your family ❤
Gentle Parenting was my first step into the New Age Spirituality and away from God. Did not know it then, just discovered that. From there it is a slippery slope to become dependent on you own understanding/ healing etc. In January of this year after 3 years of being all into New Age stuff I got called back from the Lord and I am a born again Christian. It changed everything for our family. With that I was so confused about parenting and after reading a biblical book about parenting that is all about the heart of the child ( and adult) and why it needs a savior (lots of the same verses you talked about where mentioned aswell). And now you basically said all the point in your podcast. Thank you Jesus for opening my eyes and leading me out of deception! 🙏🏽🕊️
The sheep were not beaten with the rod. "Sparing the rod" in that sense, means that a parent must guide his or her child and teach the child right from wrong with love. Violence pomtoes more violence.
@@Fitgirljourney-e2bspanking isn’t violence. Were also told in hebrews that God chastise and scourges those whom he loves. God isn’t “gentle” parenting, but He is gentle.
This is an answered prayer! Thank you so much for touching on this topic. I know it must have taken courage and boldness but boy did God use it! So grateful you have spoken sound mindedness and wisdom from Gods word. The Holy Spirit used you both in an amazing way!
Please do more videos and podcasts on biblical parenting. This really touched my heart. It’s so easy to be misled and I love hearing scripture and real examples of how to parent. Thank you for posting. I didn’t get saved until I was already an adult. I want to teach my kids the right way but I feel like im easily misled because im still learning the Bible myself. You two explain things so well ❤
Parenting by one of the fruits of the spirit is unbiblical. How so? I wish my Christian parents had never spanked (hit) me for discipline. It wasn't healthy for me.
This video does not give any merit to Gentle Parenting or any of its facets or variations. Jesus was whipped so we don’t have to be, including our children. It’s insane the amount of backlash we get for trying to persuade people to not hit kids. It really is that simple.
5 And have you forgotten the encouraging words God spoke to you as his children? He said, “My child, don't make light of the LORD 's discipline, and don't give up when he corrects you. 6 For the LORD disciplines those he loves, and he punishes each one he accepts as his child.” Hebrews 12
Of course we give a lot of grace to our kids because we have received and need grace. Our first desire should be showing gentleness, patience, kindness. But it is not loving to allow a child we are responsible to teach right and wrong to, to act in unloving ways and not address it. Even we as adults, with all our experience and wisdom, not being as foolish as children- even we will do sinful things without the threat of consequences. Just think of everytime we break speeding laws until we see police parked ahead. How can we expect children to do better than we adults and choose what is right if they have no fear of their parents or any authority? Of course we favour teaching them what is right, praising good behaviour, modeling it, etc. And we do that overtime, we persevere. But sometimes kids do what is dangerous or hurt others, despite all that, and we need to apply consequences. I dont mean beating but it is unpleasant. One of my kids hates time outs and wants to be near us. If you hit her hand, she usually doesn't care much. But if you say she needs to go to her room she will want to avoid that. Another of my kids likes her alone time and doesn't mind being in her room. But she will want to avoid a tap on the hand. So you need to know your kids and adjust accordingly if they are choosing to be disobedient and hurting others or putting themselves in danger. Parents should find it hard to punish their kids. It should be unpleasant for them too. If it isn't, they probably need to ask forgiveness from God and their kids. But if God chastises us, it is because we need it. He is Holy, not only loving. And He says that he disciplines and punishes those he loves
I've seen some of your other videos and you two are definitely gently disciplining your kids through play and conversation, positive affirmation, and quality time. The modern understanding of discipline encompasses more than correction. I agree that honest feedback about your kids' sin, guidance toward what's right, and withholding of privileges are all necessary. Gentleness, forgiveness, mercy, and yes, redirection and verbalizing understanding are all necessary discipline skills as well, and very biblical. We can learn different skills from different methods, but I'd disagree that Gentle Parenting is leading everyone astray.
Yes, it is. Because gentle parenting is more than just corrections. Just because you aren't beating your child upside the head with a spoon for every little thing doesn't mean you are gentle parenting. It just means you aren't abusive.
@@cyberspace7208 and people that don’t adhere to gentle parenting such as myself doesn’t mean that I spank my child at every turn, every mistake that they make most of my correction and discipline is teaching and trying to get to the root of the issue and setting out appropriate consequences or even at times natural consequences and then talk about why they experienced it, but I do spank at times when necessary. If it’s something that’s already been discussed and stressed about and yet my child still chooses to disobey me. Gentle parenting isn’t new it was it discovered a few years ago it’s been practiced for almost a couple decades because even when I was a child, a lot of my peers were raised by gentle parents and I would see the entitlement the way they were talk to their parents I would never talk to my mom the way these kids will talk to their parents treating them like they were friends and that’s the thing. The philosophy for gentle parenting is being an equal to your parent. Yes, children and adults are equal in value, but the hierarchy is different, my child is under me right now she’s my responsibility. I’m supposed to protect her but I’m also supposed to discipline her and steer her on the right path. I also don’t believe that children should be seen and not heard that’s not it either. Like I said, there’s a time and a place I also think that philosophy from those days was very harmful because there were children that were used and people would know and did nothing. That’s also a sin. put my point is that it’s not working because it’s not getting to the root of the problem and we keep giving them distractions over distractions and we wonder why when they grow up they can’t handle their own and then we already seeing the ramifications teachers are fleeing from schools because kids are atrocious. They’re not disciplined parents are making teachers look like the evil monsters and then the kids that are well behaved, which is not many anymore suffer because other kids don’t know how to act civilized and kids are immature but they’re able to behave after a certain age after six years old I expect children to know how to behave in public.
@sofiabravo1994 You've outlined everything perfectly. Myself and my siblings were spanked for big or repeated offenses, other than that, our parents used various forms of consequences to discipline us. They would talk to us extensively and walk us through becoming responsible adults. So we respected our parents, knew that they were the authority, respected other adults and still understood how to navigate our emotions and surroundings through the guidance of our parents. The biggest fail of gentle parenting is that it calls for parents and children to be equal and to treat children as the parent wants to be treated. However, parents and adults are not the same as children by any measurement which leaves the child stunted, emotional, and a slave to their own wants and needs
Pray and ask the LORD to teach you how to parent and raise the child(ren) He gives you. Study your children get to know them to then understand how to engage them, and that will eventually include discipline, or saying “no”. Small swats on the hand can be ok if it’s to keep them away from harm only. And done with love and teaching them why you are protecting them. For bad behavior try age appropriate time outs where the parent sits together with the child during the few minutes. I found this when I was looking for ways to discipline my young child: time outs using longer times for older age. For example a 3 yr can do about 30 seconds at a time, and the time out is done together with the parent. Do not send the child off into a corner or alone in a room. Show them you are going through the time out with them because one they are too little to be abandoned in a room for whatever they did, and two you can count down with them and talk to them about why the behavior was time out worthy. I know when people hear time out they think thats not a punishment, but if you do it together it shows them its not meant to be a punishment, it’s meant to teach them. For little ones I don’t agree in spanking to punish or teach a lesson. Spanking doesn’t teach them to obey or respect their parents, just to fear them.
The definition she read describing “gentle parenting” is totally not parenting. I don’t agree with that style either. We are to raise up our children in the way that God wants, we do not collaborate with our toddlers or children. Now when they enter the pre-teen years they naturally will look for more autonomy, and parents are still to teach them and discipline in love, not provoke them to anger.
"What are you if you aren't a gentle parent? Are you a violent parent?" This is what has always bothered me about the term "gentle parenting." I love how you shared the square/rectangle theory of parenting: gentle parenting is not biblical, but biblical parenting is gentle.
Yes, that's probably why they choose that name, gentle parenting. It appeals to everyone, we all want to be gentle, because what's the opposite, like you said.. it was a very smart way of getting parents on board.. however, we're not all so easily tricked!
That's spot on! Thank you for sharing this! As a new momma I feel there is pressure to follow gentle parenting for the 'best' development of our children (backed up by 'science' etc etc). Even making it compatible with Christians. However, I never felt this was right for me as a mother - my mother practiced very loose, relaxed and gentle parenting which I think caused a few issues in mine and my sibling's behaviours/lives. I am the eldest and got most disciplined but my sibling didn't and to this day she blames our mother for not disciplining her...I know in my heart I do not want that for my child now that I'm a mother. I just needed to know there are other people who still feel discipline is good as I recently felt bad for going that path as it becomes less and less accepted in the society. I just feel it is so easy to fall into the trap to just follow parenting trends and just give your authority away as a parent just because the society promotes it. I think maybe that is why we have so many emotional/psychological issues with our kids today and issues with ideologies being pushed at schools behind parents' backs. We need to push this back!
What is discipline to you? You said you felt bad. True discipline shouldn't make you feel bad. Unless of course you define discipline as a hitting. Than you should feel bad. Because it is not Christian whatsoever.
The sheep were not beaten with the rod. "Sparing the rod" in that sense, means that a parent must lovingly guide his or her child and teach the child right from wrong by praying for them and speaking to them about it in love.
@@EstherDesorcy-zi1kz no, i don't define it as hitting I think you misunderstood me and I am Christian fyi, so no I don't believe in hitting children, my partner was extremely physically abused as a child so we have our bit of experience and attitude towards that. I was not disciplined by hitting. From my understanding, gentle parents are not 'supposed' to be authoritative because they should get on the same level as the child - that is what I have a problem with because even though I am happy that we should respect our children and be empathetic, I just feel there needs to be hierarchy maintained in the family. That's why I feel bad - I don't feel it is right for me to give authority away so I might look harsh because I don't want to just let the child roam extremely wild and 'rule the household' as it often happens nowadays, without set bondaries. Children should not rule their parents, otherwise they become unhappy in my opinion.
@@matokai266 Authoritative parenting and gentle parenting seem to go hand in hand however we can completely take the labels away and simplify parenting by simply using common sense. Children thrive when they have boundaries set in place. It makes them feel safe. Alot of these youtubers however justify hitting and spanking with the Bible and its very clear to me that it is wrong. So we agree on that I was just confused because everyone in the comments keeps talking about discipline I really hope they are talking about your type of discipline. Because i can make a video on how spanking is unbiblical i have alot to say about it maybe ill start a channel lol You sound like an amazing mom. Thank you for clarifying what you meant.
I think you've misrepresented gentle parenting, which is natural for parents who haven't tried it. I was sceptical until I researched, studied, and put into practice its way of thinking. Gentle parenting does not completely omit any commands and obedience. An easy example is in regards to safety - you expect the child to follow rules such as not running across a road or not hurting others by hitting. And if they "fail to obey" these rules (aka can't/chose not to in that moment) you stop them. God doesn't force obedience from us, he doesn't control us. We chose to obey him because he shows us love and respect. For me this is gentle parenting - raising our kids with the same love and respect as Christ shows us.
Gentle parenting does NOT teach to ignore unwanted or "bad" behaviour. It's quite shocking to hear you advocating physical punishment. The more I listen, the worse this gets.
I see what you're saying that we choose to obey God because he shows us love and respect, but do you believe that a young child is capable of obeying simply because they love and respect you? The Bible says otherwise.
@@camillemitchell301 Developmentally, a young child cannot and will not obey 100% of the time. If you expect this, you do not understand child development.
Thank you for addressing this. As a Nanny in a family that practices gentle parenting, it's so hard keeping kids safe and happy. It's interesting, that the kids who are hardly ever told No, who get what they want on demand, who have all food and treats available 24/7... yet, they are grumpy and complying more time than they ate happy and content.
As for the ‘beat him with a rod’ thing, my mother used to beat me on a weekly basis, my dad beat me once in my life (they were divorced). I don’t talk to my mother anymore, but my dad, I loved him till the day he died and I miss him everyday and I will never forget what I did wrong that day. I also think the mother should never do that. She’s there to love and nurture. Men get into fights all the time. Also, my father was loving, my mother wasn’t. Take that for what you will. There are many factors to consider here.
Many children are taught that their feelings aren't real and that punishment is 'love'. This teaches children to internalize abuse. That's why you have a bunch of nutjobs on here saying that they are thankful for being whipped, rodded, or spanked. Then they go on to do it to their own children and those kids develop severe anxiety disorders and anti-social (manipulative) behaviors that make them prone to abuse. They are taught that they must conform and obey; so when they get sexually abused; they feel they deserve it because of what their parents taught them.
Discipline and punishment are not the same thing. I recommend the book Heartfelt Discipline by Clay Clarkson if you haven’t read it. One size fits all discipline doesn’t work as they get older.
I've always said that. Punishment is motivated by anger and is intended to hurt. Discipline is motivated by love and is intended to teach the child a better way. Discipline may be delivered through a consequence, and this is healthy because children benefit from learning that actions have consequences (positive and negative).
I'm so glad someone is talking about this in a kind and straightforward way. I feel like a lot of people now days are scared to talk about this! Thank you for sharing the truth on Biblical discipline.
Yikes!! I think it’s better called respectful, parenting and treating your child like a human being now instead of later. It makes no sense to hit a child for hitting someone else. It just teaches them to hit. How is gentle parenting UNbiblical when the Bible teaches that love is the greatest of all. Patient kind etc. etc. come on. I love what the lady below me said. She said it perfectly. I really hope people are cautious when listening to other people talk about gentle parenting. Yikes.
Obviously there are places when it is used literally. There is no question about it. We cannot make all the Bible a metaphor and, oh well, nothing it is what it seems and whatever we want to believe we apply. What I know for sure, there are things that are traumatic for a child and things that are absolutely not. What I’m seeing around is a generation of parents that have absolutely no authority in front of their own kids and being actually hit by their kids, yelled at and they have absolutely no means to discipline them because only talking to them is simply not enough. I’m seeing these parents as victims. And for sure, what we advocating in these times as gentle parenting will result in a generation of rebel humans, unable to cope with stress and responsibility. You don’t need to agree with me, I guess we will all have the chance to witness and we do already.
This has been so encouraging, convicting and helpful. I’ve been struggling so much raising my children in this gentle parenting society, wondering how the Bible fit into it, and disregarding so many texts and biblical truths because I was confused about how to view and implement them. But this podcast has really led a string through each passage and shown me how they work together and made so many Biblical truths of parenting click into place! Thankyou so much for your vulnerability and God-centred, Bible-centred approach to these issues. I pray God will sustain and bless you both as you serve in this way!
I need to listen twice! So, so good! Please pray for me that I can implement this stuff better! I didn't know I had angry tendencies until I became a parent. 😪
I just started watching the video, so I'm eager to hear what will be said, I must say that the title is alarming off the bat and leads me to believe that you both don't understand the fundamental basis of gentle parenting. Gentleness is one of the Fruits of the Spirit. We are not instructed to be gentle with adults but harsh or violent with children. We are called to practice gentleness in all we do. Proverbs 13:24 asserts, "spare the rod and spoil the child." The original Hebrew word which 'rod' was translated from referred to the shepherd's rod, used to guide a sheep gently back to the path of safety and righteousness, NEVER to beat the sheep or punish it for straying. Once again, we are directed to use a gentle approach to teach and guide our children when they stray. John 8:7 says, "Let he who has not sinned cast the first stone." This is a declaration that human to human violence is never acceptable as a form of punishment. Gentle parenting is not permissive parenting. Gentle parenting seeks to exemplify the respect that we want our children to exhibit rather than scaring or shaming them into the behaviors we want to see, as children learn best by example, after all. Gentle parenting upholds boundaries through logical explanation of right and wrong rather than assertion of power dynamics between adults and their physically, mentally, and spiritually more fragile counterparts. Non gentle parenting is unbiblical. Violence, disrespect, and wielding undue power are unbiblical.
Guys, I watched this video because I have a conviction to expose myself to views that oppose my own to see if my arguments hold water... And I am so convinced by this video, you two are pretty much the benchmark... Thank you for making this video, I'm sure the Lord moved your hearts on this, it'sso necessary in our time**
I agree first of all, I had tried for years to learn and understand gentle or positive parenting, and it just wasn't working at all, I felt like there was something wrong with me, I was doing it wrong, I wasn't it was the method. I read at least 5 gentle parenting books/audible books, and when i listened to Boundaries with kids, I realized hentle parenting wasn't biblical, and it was not what I wanted anymore. I also often realize more and more that what is popular and being pushed on us everywhere. Is not usually good or best at all, and that's what positive parenting has been. It's all over instagram, especially. Authoritarian parenting is not respecting your children and extremely harsh. But authoritative is where we should be, as we are their authority and they need and reply on us to be. They need boundaries and disapline, meaning to teach, but also give consequences when necessary, that doesn't mean not be loving, but kids are not in charge and they don't want to be, I grew up in a permissive parenting household and felt unloved, due to the lack of boundaries and consequences, I know first hand that kids want and need a parent who is strong and leading them in the right direction.
Boundaries with Kids is the best book I've read on parenting so far. It ensures that consequences take place when the child breaks a rule, while also respecting the child. Authority from the parent is maintained, while also not squashing the child's feelings. I feel like it's the middle ground between gentle parenting and authoritarianism. I suppose it lands a parent in the authoritative category, which is the healthy way to parent.
The proof is in the pudding, people. These two come from very large families whose parents raised them this way, according to God's word, and bam, there's massive wonderful fruit. I really appreciate you guys being bold to talk about this. It simplifies my parenting. Just follow the Lord and obey His word. What I dont understand is why people, even Christians think the God of the Bible, and Jesus, is always a soft, never hurt a fly type of God. He takes sin very seriously. He will do whatever it takes to save people from hell. Jesus was PUNISHED on the cross for our sin. Beaten. Meaning, we deserved THAT punishment. And to save us from hell, I've heard of so many testimonies where God allows a car accident, a tradegy, a physical ailment, a horrible sickness, to get people saved. And also to discipine those who are saved but arent following him. He uses whatever means, even physical means, to wake people up! Rather that than people suffer in hell forever. Good grief, thats loving of Him to do! Im tired of Christians saying God wouldnt spank a child. He spanks me all the time! Ive even suffered severe illness just for him to teach me something and get my attention. It's one way of how he loves me, and im so thankful he loves me enough to do so.
5 And have you forgotten the encouraging words God spoke to you as his children? He said, “My child, don't make light of the LORD 's discipline, and don't give up when he corrects you. 6 For the LORD disciplines those he loves, and he punishes each one he accepts as his child.” Hebrews 12
You can be firm, gently…. Parents are the authority always. A parent may give a child choices but we aren’t going to sit down and be like “okay son what would you like me to work on this week as your parent…” There is a middle ground for this, a parent should always be an authority figure but not all authority figures have to be loud and yell and he abusive. I feel like this is the only view people who believe in gentle parenting have of an authority figure.
I am a non-believer and I really appreciated this video! It opened my eyes to why so many people are against gentle parenting. I've been using the term gentle parenting to describe my parenting style, but if this is what most people agree is gentle parenting then that is definitely not what I am doing. The book "No Bad Kids" was very helpful for me with parenting and condones authoritative parenting without physical punishments like spankings. I also appreciated this video for opening my eyes to the Christian doctrine on parenting in a biblical manner. I don't follow the bible in any intentional way, but knowing other ways of parenting with a proven track record is helpful.
Yes I encourage you to read the Bible starting in the book of John. God does not endorse being harsh and inappropriate with our neighbor that includes our children but he does set standards and hierarchy in order for things to run smoothly his way versus our way, and at least in my experience when I try to do things my way well fizzles out.
Well said! I think the most merciful thing to do towards your children is be their leader. Im muslim and completely resonated with this, and hit home because it’s lonely thinking like this.
Interesting video, but I do have a question about natural consequences: how will your children know what to do when you aren't there if they havent experienced natural consequences? Something that I practice all the time is allowing for small mistakes so my children can learn for themselves, rather than from constant correction. Example - My two year old falls off of the porch, even though I am right near him, watching closely to make sure he doesn't really get hurt, and then he is more careful next time. That same child slightly burned his hand on a hot pan after being warned that he needs to keep his hands to himself in the kitchen. I don't need to exert my complete control and energy into protecting him from natural consequences, because if I stopped him from falling, or burning his hand, he would be more likely to expect me to intervene next time as well. Because I allow him to make small mistakes on his own, he becomes more self assured, careful and learns from experience rather than my direct involvement every time. Kids are smart and with the especially rebellious ones, I have found we have much better days when I am not controlling his every move. Thank you for the conversation! It was fascinating! :) God bless! ❤
This - all of this. Nothing is neutral. I agree completely. Thank you for bringing this factual information to us and backing it up with Scripture. This was an amazing episode!
“Nothing is neutral.” My outlook on life was changed so much for the better when a couple verses came alive to me several years ago. Proverbs speaks so much about evil and good being strong opposites, and Revelation has that verse comparing holy/filthy and unjust/righteous. I overheard a couple Godly people discussing how God views everything as one or the other. I cringe whenever I hear people say things like, “it isn’t exactly sin.” I’m ranting, but my purpose was just to encourage and support. :)
As a Christian and Parent Coach, I understand what the goal is here, but Authoritative parenting is absolutely biblical. Many elements of gentle parenting are misrepresented here. ❤❤
Maybe Christians are doing this right but calling it gentle parenting still stems from secular philosophy, so I think biblical parenting is better just because more specific and it’s not the same as gentle, parenting gentle parenting wants us to be equal position with our children, which we’re not according to the word of God so there’s that
@@sofiabravo1994 No it doesn’t. Again, it’s misrepresented. Scripture even uses “gentle” when it says we should be raising them in the “nurture and admonition” of the Lord. It also exemplifies the fruit of the Spirit which I’m sure you’re familiar with. Authoritarian parenting does not in any way exemplify them. ❤️
It absolutely is biblical, punishment and discipline is completely different. Discipline derives from the term Disciple and that means to teach, give instruction and when you consider the fruits of the spirit you disciple your kids in joy, love, peace, self control, patience, kindness, and gentleness. So is punishing your child with anger, frustration, hitting, and yelling at all Godly. Psalm 145 speaks of the amazing character of God that He slow to anger, gracious, full of compassion, and that's what we must achieve as Christian parents we must model christ. When does God punish His children? When does His children feel his wrath? God indeed lifts us up when we fall, he forgives and loves us. I can't imagine a life where I am not showing compassion and love to my child. They deserve the gentle long-suffering parts of me and when I fail I ask them for forgiveness. I can't belive so many Christians subscribe to this ideology it's a lie straight from the enemy to abuse our children. We wouldn't do these actions of punishment, wrath, anger, hitting, and yelling to anyone else, so why do it to our kids. Non punitive parenting most definitely aligns with scripture. The rod and staff of God comfort us so if your rod of discipline is not bringing comfort to your child then you need to ask yourself what you can be doing differently? Also any hitting, emotional manipulation of a child needs to be repented of. Love your neighbor as yourself, your child is your neighbor so ask yourself next time you punish your child, is this how I'd like to be treated? I bet the answer is no. Stop being lazy and ACTUALLY disciple and teach your kids...
This is perfect. Thank you. I agree with you on EVERYTHING and I know it steps on a lot of toes…but to parent biblically is to go against the world and the worlds methods. Thank you for sharing and for the encouragement. I’m a mom of 3 wonderful boys (4 and under) and I’m so thankful I have the opportunity to raise men of God and show them the Gospel. Love you guys ❤
I was under the impression gentle parenting was parenting minus emotional or physical abuse 🤷 I agree with most of what Y'all said I just hope you keep in mind developmentally appropriate behavior for children ❤
They did state in the beginning the definition of gentle parenting, and it was not "parenting minus emotional or physical abuse". I think some people might think this is what gentle parenting is and that's why they're pretty cool with it but the "leaders" of the whole gentle parenting movement do not define it as such.
I loved this! Milena Ciciotti and her husband "as for me and my house" also did a video on this! I am not yet married or with children yet lol, but I do find this content beneficial.
My point of view is that there is benefit in considering and learning about topics such as marriage and parenting before you enter them, then hopefully your mind will be made up on as many fundamental, Biblical principles as possible before going in and therefore make you stronger. :)
In this time we have EVERY TYPE OF RESOURCES for parenting our kids the right way and that is WITH LOVE. LOVE MEANS: Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. I Corinthians 13:4-7 NKJV In this time you have NO EXCUSE for hitting your children! There are so many resources how you can discipline your children in the right way that is nontraumatizing, how you can show them boundaries and so on. Everything else ist just your own bad heart and your own laziness because you would rather hit your child then to learn what your child needs right now. It is easy to hit your kid but thats not christlike. The old testament said something with hitting your child but that was another time! They didn't have the resources we have today! How can unbelievers treat their kids with more love then we who are in the truth of love?
Gentle parenting doesn't mean that you don't teach your kids what sin is. You can teach everything in a age-appropiate manner. But just because you are lazy and you don't want to learn patience you can't abuse God's word and treat your children like objects. You will just traumatize your kids and they will hate you and God for it! : Luke 17:1-2 NKJV What would you do if your partner or pastor or another christian hits you when you are sinning? You would think what is he doing. He can't just hit me. That's not loving, then how you can hit a child that is defenseless? Who will protect that child? If God is always forgiving your sinning even if you are a adult, how can you treat a little child that isn't even understanding everything that harshly? Matthew 18:23-35 NKJV Learn what mercy and love is.
I disagree. A whooping won't kill anyone. Kids know their parents love them. They won't suddenly feel mistreated if whooped when appropriate. We are not talking about abuse of course, but as a parent there will be no sparing of a rod if a rod is needed.
I was raised similarly. My dad would spank me after I disobeyed and we would hug afterwards. He was never angry when he disciplined but I’ve chosen to do things differently with my kids for various reasons. I do want to understand how you came to the conclusion that toddler “tantrums” are sinful? I just don’t understand where or how you came to this conclusion. I’ve worked in child development for 15 years and it’s well known that 1-2 year olds are learning how to use language to express their emotions. Why would you physically punish a young child who does not have developed communication skills yet?
That's precisely why... because they don't understand verbal communication yet, but they can understand a swat on the butt when they're disobeying. I don't think anyone advocates spanking to get kids to stop showing emotion, but obedience is necessary even at 2, and they can understand a pop on the butt. I have a horse training background and after watching mares nip their foals when they're being too rough with her, I have total peace about swatting my 2 year olds butt when they're kicking at me because they don't want their pants on.
@@shb8212 I was saying that children at that age don’t have verbal skills to communicate things themselves. And this still doesn’t address having a tantrum equals being sinful. Asking a child to put their pants on and hitting them for not doing it? You’re definitely not helping them use skills to communicate their feelings. If we hit them because that’s how they understand the world at that age then I guess you should be ok with them hitting other people because they have verbal skills yet? I don’t understand this logic.
@bethanyryan404 a relationship between a child and parent is different than peer to peer. We have God given authority over our kids, children do not have authority over eachother. Physical discipline can and is loving when done correctly. God physically disciplines people all the time and it is an aspect of loving discipline.
@bethanyryan404 I'd encourage you to read a paper titled Corporal Punishment and Child Adjustment by Katherine Aucoin et al... the notion that the science is clear on this issue is just false... and the science is not measuring what Christian parents are trying to achieve... which is a concept of submission to authority. Spanking should be the last resort and never done in anger and should always be followed by reconciliation and connection. The science does not isolate spanking done within these parameters in their analysis. I have a masters degree and am familiar with how science is done, and I am not convinced that science has appropriately studied the benefits of spanking. Plus at the end of the day, science, if correct, is never going to contradict God's design, if you believe the Bible is truth, then you cannot be against any and all methods of corporal punishment.
@@shb8212 We will have to agree to disagree. Still doesn’t answer my question as to how a toddler not having good communication skills is being taught how to communicate by hitting them. And how is this toddler sinning by doing something they have yet to learn to do?
I am not a fan of the gentle parenting model in general and agree that many of its fundamentals are unbiblical. However, I don't agree with your example that telling a child how it frustrates you to clean up their crumbs off the couch is just emotional manipulation. I agree that our personal feelings as parents shouldn't be their main reason for following the rules. I agree that they should follow our rules because of our God given authority as their parents. However, God also commands us to treat others as we would want them to treat us. And so when a child does something that is inconsiderate of others, like leaving a mess of crumbs behind for someone else to clean up, I don't think there is anything wrong with pointing out to them how their behavior affects those around them so they can better understand how what they are doing is not treating others the way they would want to be treated. I wouldn't call that emotional manipulation. I think that's just teaching a child to be aware of how their actions affect others and that seems very biblical to me.
I hear you on this, and I think their point was just to mention how the further down the slope this line of thinking goes it can just lead to an emotionally manipulative parent. Versus a parent who is residing in that position authority given to them by God in power, love and self-control.. And naturally, we know, there is a way to explain to children, how their actions affect others, and how they should treat others the way they wish to be treated without presenting it as an emotionally charged argument. Which is really what I think they’re talking about.
Yes, I agree children should be able to learn empathy and see that doing certain things cause hurt, and other people we cannot just bear that emotion within ourselves. Yes, we should control it but it’s healthy for children to see others. Have a negative reaction to something that they did that was wrong.
Authoritarian and authoritative are not the same thing. The first one is more on someone with a power-trip or very controlling person. The other is someone who has the authority who is responsible and in charge.
when i saw this title i was nervous you were going to go down a road i didn't agree with but after watching, now i see the reality. Thank you for sharing! I know a lot of worldly people dont want to hear these things. "Gentle parenting" makes it sound like i should follow it because yes i should be gentle with my children. But as you said those are just weasel words to detract you for what it really is.
Thank you for this. I have two questions! 1- what do you think of Doug Wilson’s distinction between discipline and punishment? He says discipline is what parents do with their children and God does with those he loves - chastisement, correction, but punishment is what the state is required to do and what God does to those who have not repented and turned to Him. He talks about the fact the state has turned to discipline instead of punishment (eg in reducing penalties and having correctional facilities etc instead of biblical punishment for breaking the law). Secondly - what would you say to those who are raising children with intellectual disabilities? I have a brother in law and an uncle with these difficulties and I personally think children with disabilities can be among the most spoiled, however I’m told that techniques such as distraction etc can be very useful to prevent escalation in which such children (and adults) cannot control themselves. But I don’t know if this is biblical or helpful. I just know my husband’s parents did a great job raising him and seemed to have to do things very differently with his brother.
Please talk to mature believers, and also people who understand brain development… are actually interested in brain development instead of writing it all of as “godless philosophy “, not very young parents on the internet presenting their ideas as the only right way. Your questions are valid.
For me, I interpret child training as equally both grace based and obedience based. God's love and wrath, His mercy and judgment, etc. are intertwined. I have tried 100% gentle and I have tried 100% child training and ultimately I find that an equal amount of both are necessary and Christ like. We can use the rod and require obedience while also showing grace and remembering they are children still learning and there is a difference between serious disobedience and things that we personally don't like or find annoying. Children are childish and that doesn't necessarily require strict discipline but maybe a heart connection on how to respect others and social cues. I think our heart knows when each is required when we submit our parenting to the Lord, He will guide our path. Natural consequences are needed sometimes when there is no imminent danger or harm coming because one day we won't be there to watch over them and they need to have some level of autonomous decision making and consequences. But if it is a situation where obedience IS required then that should be communicated and required with a good attitude. I lean more towards child training but I have found lately that grace is needed as well especially as they grow older and can be trusted with more responsibility. I totally get what you both are saying though. Our generation has a large population of children who are suffering from lack of discipline and parents who are too lazy to do the hard, right thing when necessary.
The word discipline comes from the word disciple or teach. Theres root words for these that you must study to truly get the meaning if the bible in Jesus day and language The ROD meant to lovingly guide. This is out of context. Research it. Please STOP this. Violence promotes violence. All you do is instill fear and show your child that violence solves the issue. This is not biblical sadly MANY HAVE BEEN LEAD ASTRAY BY YHIS SCRIPTURE. IT DOES NOT MEAN TO LITERALLY BEAT/SPANK YOUR CHILD. I REPEAT. IT MEANS JUST THE OPPOSITE TO LOVINGLY GUIDE THEM. PLEASE DO YOUR RESEARCH!!!!CHILD ABUSE NEEDS TO STOP
@@Fitgirljourney-e2b I appreciate your care and concern for children, I really do. However, I must disagree with you interpretation of what I am saying (and what I believe NTWAF is saying as well.) I am aware that discipline is related to disciple and that it connects to teaching etc. I do not beat my child ever. When they are doing something willfully disobedient, even when they know it is wrong, I will communicate with them and at most give a couple spanks on the butt, and then communicate more that we are the parents and we do mean what we say. The verse is very clear to say that the rod will not kill them ie; no beating or abuse but it will save them from damnation and further trouble. We will also give a light switch to the fingers of little ones if they are doing something dangerous such as trying to touch a hot stove, or grabbing things that we have clearly explained are off limits but we don't hit and we don't switch any harder than a light sting. None of that is child abuse. It is better to have children who are obedient and understand boundaries and consequences and the entire family functions peacefully then to have children that are unruly, with stressed out parents and children who ultimately will have a harder time submitting to authority and respecting God's safe boundaries too. But we must all do what we think is best for our families and pray to God that He guides our ways as I mentioned above.
Thanks for the video Elisha and Katie even if I don’t agree with you. If you want to dig deeper in the Christian gentle parenting please consider reading Jesus, the gentle parent by L R Knost and all her books, also the Sally Clarkson books and the Discipline that Connects with your Childs Heart by Lynn and Jim Jackson. I found they are scriptural and very inspirational. For me gentle parenting is not all what you quoted Katie, but accepting their sinful nature and loving them anyway and pointing them to Jesus, who died when we were still sinners. From this conversation I really missed the Jesus I see in the New Testament, who said be little and who led by example not by exercising His authority.
yes!! Thank you for pointing them to wholistic resources for parenting that present multiple angles. I found it misleading and disturbing how this episode presented everyone who doesn’t spank their kids kids (or mavbe just spanks their kids for rare things not as the magic, only fix) into the same boat. It's sad that someone with a platform didn't take the time to accurately present multiple sides of the issue of parenting biblically, and have the openness to recognize that everyone who doesn't believe the proverbs verses that are written in the context of striking young men on the back apply to babies and toddlers are following some godless parenting guru. It's a tendency for us young parents who are convinced we were raised the only Biblical way to not be willing to take in different opinions, and to accept that there's much gray area in the practicalities of raising children. But we have Gods holy spirit to guide moment by moment. Unfortunately, our human nature craves formulas, thus so many latch on to spanking as the formula and then think they're superior. Plus to admit that maybe spanking is not the magic way can also make us have to admit being spanked negatively impacts us, as having your parents hit you when you're too young to understand inevitably creates attachment issues. Which we then pass on to our children if we don’t actually examine the way we were raised and its impact on us.
I agree with all you said. I must confess I kind of fell for this ideology at the very beginning of my moherhood journey. As a new mom I was attracted to this philosophy because it sounds loving. Thankfully my little girl was only a baby and I quickly realized this is not Biblical. It helped to see all the problems that have risen in society. How people are easily offended, sin is tolerated because it's the "loving" thing to do. Authority is rejected and so many other issues. By this time my little one was a little older, around three years old. Obedience and attitude issues had to be addressed and I found myself having to discilpine her. And so I went to the Word of God to see what God says about discipline, and of course it is completely different. Thank you so much for discussing this! It's an important topic in the parenting community. 🙏💕
Proud of you two, there’s I’m sure a lot of controversy over this and I could tell you weren’t super excited to talk about this topic 😂 but thank you for speaking on this
I think that podcast just shows that everybody will just parent the way they learned it from their own parents in one form or another. So just let go of all the comparing and overthinking and everybody go and live their own best lives. As long as you don’t truly hurt anybody by that, you’re going to be fine.
This will probably not get seen, but I don’t see any other comments like this so I’m going to contribute. The stronger points of this episode were focusing on the hierarchy, emphasizing the whole gospel and need for salvation, and refuting the “that can be abusive” point. The weaker points were cherry picking quotes and examples without citing, the colorful commentary that was added, and how it was framed as though that represents the other side of the spectrum fairly. In part it did, but a LOT of it didn’t. And I say that as someone who walked away from the gentle parenting circles 3.5 years ago. Another weakness was, yes, partially reading the Word through western eyes.
I agree with what you’ve shared and I ‘m interested in how you discipline your children? I’ve looked into gentle parenting and even joined groups and children were endangering themselves and parents were allowing them to do so in order for them to experience the natural consequence.
The hard part is that natural consequences often hurt everyone else except the kids raised permissively, as those kids haven’t learned discernment and empathy to realize how self centered they become when they rule the roost.
@@-living4jesus4ever- I have a hard time with “natural consequences” because of the aforementioned in your comment. I’d rather it not get to that point. I’m genuinely curious what forms of discipline the family that runs this podcasts leans into.
I appreciate this video so much! I am a fairly new parent and I have struggled with the right way to understand parenting. I was not raised in a Christian home so I did not have any foundation of what biblical parenting looked like. My husband and I am often butt heads with how to best parent our three year old son. I picked up a few positive discipline books to read but never considered that these books were not biblical based nor were the authors. So I appreciate your honesty and practical advice on this matter!
Hi! I can totally relate. I was not raised in a Christian home either. “Shepherding a Child’s Heart” by Tedd Tripp was a game changer in understanding the issues of the heart and how to approach from a biblical perspective.
As a new mom to a 1 1/2 year old son with another baby boy on the way, I have been praying for wisdom and discernment when it comes to lovingly disciplining my children. I have been searching the internet, books, asking my pediatrician and they all lean toward the gentle parenting approach. But you have reminded me that I’ve been searching in all the wrong places. GODS WORD is where I should be searching for answers on this topic so thank you for providing specific verses. I was feeling overwhelmed and confused on what to do and was asking God for help and guidance and this was the first video that popped up when I pulled up RUclips. So thank you for stepping out in faith and sharing your thoughts!!!
Thank you both so much for this video. I needed to listen to this today. I felt very convicted after listening. I’ve been praying on how to discipline my 2 year old and have been asking God for clarity and this is like a breath of fresh air to hear, especially since now this whole gentle parenting is on the rise and makes the rest of us feel guilty when it comes to disciplining our kids. ❤ God bless you guys and thank you so much for being honest and speaking from the Word of God.
This has been misunderstood sadly. Do your research. It means the opposite of hurting.The sheep were not beaten with the rod. "Sparing the rod" in that sense, means that a parent must lovigly guide his or her child and teach the child right from wrong with love. Spanking is not biblical. When you research and study the words and meaning in jesus language and day and the truth will set you free
Please please don’t spank your 2 year old. You are the authority figure in their life. They should obey you because God places you over them, and they should honor you. But corporal punishment is never how Jesus would have “disciplined” small children. He was always gentle with children. The verse “spare the rod” refers to a rod of correction that Shepard’s used to lead their sheep back to the flock. They never would have beat (or spanked) the sheep with it! Baptist/fundamentalists have greatly misinterpreted this and other verses about child rearing. We are training and guiding them, not breaking their spirits! Please do more research on this topic and don’t take advice from someone unless they are walking through what it looks like to spank their children and it sits well in your heart to use your power over them like that. They don’t even understand what “sin” is yet! A 2 year old is likely not even at the age of accountability where they could even accept Jesus into their hearts and be convicted by the Holy Spirit.
@Afj684 In case you missed their refutation of your argument with Proverbs 23:13, I have reproduced the verse below: “Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die.” (ESV). There are no word gymnastics that can get around that. Of course we discipline in love and not in anger. For certain children corporal discipline is very effective and withholding that discipline would be unloving.
love the boldness to speak on this topic. 100% agree! you can tell a total difference even when encountering strangers if they are in control or their children are. it’s tangible. and it gives toddlers bad reps to young people looking to maybe have children and thinking they don’t want that. i don’t blame them bc that is an exhausting way to parent. Gods ways are always better!
My mom always said if you put in the hard work disciplining toddlers right away and teaching them that their are consequences for their actions, it make the ages 4 and beyond so much easier. My mom's ultimate goal was to have children that other adults enjoyed being around. She wasn't super strict, but she and my dad raised us with an understanding that they were in charge. For a child this is very stabilizing and comforting, which overall leads to a happier family life.
Thank you so much for this… I agree if everything that was said here. It’s easy to start feeling alone in biblical parenting when everyone around is “gentle parenting” … gentle parenting never set well with me even when I watched videos thinking maybe I would change my mind about it. Thanks for confirming everything with Bible versus. ♥️
This has been misunderstood sadly. Do your research. It means the opposite of hurting.The sheep were not beaten with the rod. "Sparing the rod" in that sense, means that a parent must lovigly guide his or her child and teach the child right from wrong with love. Spanking is not biblical. When you research and study the words and meaning in jesus language and day and the truth will set you free
@Afj684 In case you missed their refutation of your argument with Proverbs 23:13, I have reproduced the verse below: “Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die.” (ESV). There are no word gymnastics that can get around that.
I love you guys- this was one of my FAVORITE episodes- you opened my eyes to many things as a Christian mama. I have a lot to work on as a parent- thank you both ♥️♥️🙏🙏
I am a single mama of 2. I was far from God most his life but God is good and he saved both my now 18 year old son & myself! All glory to God! I am so grateful for the prayers of my grandmother & mama. I desperately want to raise my youngest with Jesus. I grew up in church and can’t wait to homeschool and teach my 3 year old the Bible. We have started some but I am just leaning into this conviction. Please pray for me, I am almost 40, single and on disability ( have been my whole adult life) now praying into going back to work in order to afford to live or stay home and move everyone under one roof at my parents home. So I can care for them as they age & afford to stay home with my baby. God bless ❤
I know you guys are gonna get some heat for this video but wow. This is a large dose of truth and reality and I am refreshed. My flesh even winced at what was said which was a clear indicator to me that what I’m hearing was true. Thank you for preaching 🙌🏼 my spirit as a Christian mother feels encouraged and refreshed
There are a lot of wise people who are Christians and a lot of wise people who are not. Also, respect is not a one way street. We will only gain our child's true respect by showing them we respect them and their feelings. We still will be steering the ship but I think it is important to show the respect to them that you would like in return. Also, I would encourage you all not to make fun of people who are not Christian. All the best on your parenting journey 🌈💜✨
Yes 🙌 this verse that they brought up was crucial to the whole message about disciplining in love Ephesians 6:4: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
As a Christ Follower, mother, and now nanny…I approve this message. Teaching young children about Christ Jesus and how to reflect His love, how to pray, and also the biblical authority “umbrella” of God over all, Daddy second, then Mommy over children, is the most impactful thing you can do. It makes for a solid foundation where children feel loved, secure, and safe. Children THRIVE with boundaries. Simply and calmly communicate them and consistently enforce them. And always remember, you’re not raising boys and girls but future men and women. These kids do not belong to us but are entrusted in our care! They are a blessing that should be nurtured and cared for! 💝
I haven't read through the comments yet, maybe you are already bringing it up here, but I have a question, since you are ahead of me, my oldest is 3. How do you address a heart issue with a 3 year old?
You discipline which means to teach, and be the example. You also understand that they are literally only 3. You can use play and story telling to help with this.
28:37 Kids already know this through their experience of not getting what they want, being held to boundaries. We honestly don’t necessarily need to add anything to their life to help them figure this out.
So good! It very clarifying! I agreed with everything you said , I didn’t actually realize how far the gentle parenting went in the wrong direction! It was even convicting to me to be way more consistent in my disciple and not feel bad about doing it. To feel confident that this is God’s way and not neglect it because of my emotions!
Theres root words for these that you must study to truly get the meaning if the bible in Jesus day and language The ROD meant to lovingly guide. This is out of context. Research it. Please STOP this. Violence promotes violence. All you do is instill fear and show your child that violence solves the issue. This is not biblical sadly MANY HAVE BEEN LEAD ASTRAY BY YHIS SCRIPTURE. IT DOES NOT MEAN TO LITERALLY BEAT/SPANK YOUR CHILD. I REPEAT. IT MEANS JUST THE OPPOSITE TO LOVINGLY GUIDE THEM. PLEASE DO YOUR RESEARCH!!!!CHILD ABUSE NEEDS TO STOP
Why do you think you “feel bad doing it.” Spanking is never the way Jesus would have disciplined children. He was always gentle with children. Once children are old enough to understand their need for a savior, they will accept the Lord into their life and be convicted by the Holy Spirit. And until then, we model the behavior we want to see and use consequences that fit the “crime” instead of using corporal punishment. The only time spanking we be the most fitting punishment is when we are too tired or angry to come up with something more appropriate, and then we’re in the wrong! Please reconsider and don’t use the Bible as defense for spanking your children.
Can you explain the Bible verse that teach to use a“ a rod and reproof” ? God chastise us too and His word say it will be grievous for us, Is it me who is changing God’s Word or you?
@@lenafreeze7131 God does punish, sometimes in very grievous ways, but throughout scripture, God (and Jesus when he was on earth) only used corporal punishment and righteous anger against adults, people in power, wicked nations, etc. Never against children.
I'm a Catholic convert (ex-Protestant) and I practice gentle parenting. Its takes a lot of reading, implentation, prayer, bible reading and research to fully comprehend it. Our family moved from punitive parenting to gentle parenting about 5 years ago and I would say we're only just starting to get a grasp of it now. Yes, you're correct in saying the parents are the authority in our children's lives, purely because our children are a gift from God on loan to us. We're responsible for them, and one day we will answer to God for how we raised them. Authority is the structure God put in place for protection and justice, not control. Gentle parenting isn't saying there is no authority structure. It's simply saying HOW to implement that authority structure in a respectful, caring, loving, compassionate and empathetic way. This involves techniques such as letting children have a say through family democracy meetings, natural consequences rather than punishments such as time outs and smacking. Instead of trying to control a childs behaviour through rewards and punishments, gentle parenting aims to guide and shepherd a child's heart so they make good choices, learn to self-regulate and navigate difficult situations through an internal compass rather than external controls. I encourage you and anyone else who disagrees with gentle parenting to reseach it more before rejecting it completely.
Just read the title and I have to say THANK YOU for addressing this. So many Christians have been doing this when God’s Word has clearly said to use the rod.
I respectfully disagree. I don’t agree with spanking a child. The verses in proverbs are taken out of context and misinterpreted. I do agree that children need discipline. But punishment is not discipline. Setting healthy boundaries is and allowing space for children to learn natural consequences for negative behavior. Also creating an environment that encourages positive behavior. There are plenty of peer reviewed scientific journals with evidence that corporal/punitive discipline is harmful to children in the long term. Punishment/spanking is only convenient for the parent to put THEM at ease. It is OUR job as parents to understand our children’s needs and development.
Based on my observations, it seems that many parents have been bullied into gentle parenting. We currently live in a society that demands "kindness" above all else. This in some ways can be helpful in order for a society to thrive, but in other ways, this standard can be suffocating. This standard has gone beyond being nice to people and has morphed into a sense that to be "kind" you cannot rock the boat or have a dissenting opinion. Behind the veneer of people going along to get along is the suffocation of strict conformity. Our society encourages affirmation and validation over uncomfortable truths. It is no wonder that this attitude has also permeated parenting styles. Wielding authority or disapproval over a children's actions may be seen in some circles as abusive behavior. For that reason, parents are encouraged to negotiate with their children or speak softly to them, for fear of "offending" or "scarring" the child. Children are assumed to have an equal intellectual understanding as a fully grown adult. This completely ignores child psychology and basic human evolution. Little children start out with only their basic instincts, almost like little animals. They must be taught about what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior in a fully functioning and thriving society. In other words, they must be civilized. This can only be done effectively if you as the parent take the role as leader and guide in a child's life. That doesn't mean you have to yell or spank, but you have to show you are in control and be firm in your guidance. You can still be very loving, but the child must understand who is in charge. Otherwise, if you don't provide boundaries and guidance, you will find your household will more often be in chaos, making everyone miserable. Overall, it will be stabilizing and comforting for a child to know that you are the leader, that you have everything under control, and you will ultimately be there for them in a loving way.
Yes!! Gentle parenting is a form of parentification which a classic sign of a narcissistic parent. These narc parents want the benefits of being a parent (admiration, connection, family, love, cultural acceptance) with none of the responsibility because they lack emotional maturity.
I have never felt peace about adopting gentle parenting and I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who's discerning that this is leading us away from biblical parenting.
25:29 Elisha what you're saying here about the child thinking "oh I misunderstood, clearly I wasn't the problem", this totally goes along with culture today, people feeling entitled and like they are never at fault or responsible for their own actions, but rather that the issue was that things weren't set up perfectly for them. 🤯
Just finished reading ‘Raising Warriors: Preparing Your Children For a Godly Life’ and it really opened my eyes to some new ways of guiding my kids in their faith. Highly recommend it if you’re looking to strenghten your family’s spiritual life
my non verbal 2 yr old was driving us crazy. I was crying daily. He didn’t understand “no” and was always having fits and getting into things CONSTANTLY. It wasn’t until I was discipled by an older women how exactly to implement biblical parenting did things get better. I’m telling you in TWO DAYS there was peace in my house!!! I was trying all the “gentle parenting”stuff but it was not working. You cannot reason with a toddler which is what I felt like they were telling me to do. Once I stopped trying to do things the world’s way and started being the authority to my children, our house was more peaceful, we all had more fun throughout the day, I could actually sleep and we could go places without my children disrupting everything and everyone constantly. That 2 yr old is now 5 and he speaks just fine now lol. We have other kids and we gladly welcomed them (and future kids!) because we knew how to parent!! Also I am not yelling anymore (or crying) because my kids know the boundaries and in turn I can actually trust them more because I know they will obey. Discipline happens a lot less actually. My kids are 4, 2 and a baby. I don’t have baby gates or cabinet locks. No one is constantly escaping their room after bedtime. I’m no longer just surviving as a mother… I enjoy being a mother! It’s amazing.
Oh wait I said he’s 5, he’s ALMOST 5 😆
@@sarahholt6765 do you spank? If yes, how? Do you use a belt?
what books did they recommend?
I wish i knew. How to actually do it correctly.
@@SuneScharneckI don’t know what this woman was taught but as far as I know in practice, you let the child know the consequences for their actions and you calmly deliver.
Say Timmy is throwing his food at you and you tell him to stop but he keeps doing it. “Ok Timmy Mommy said to stop and you disobeyed me. I am going to spank you now.”
I have them hold on to the back of the couch and deliver a single open-handed swat to the bottom. If they try to protest I count to five slowly and every time I get to five is another swat added. For my 9 year old SD I only ever had to do this 2 or three times when she was 3-5. However with my 11 year old she was already almost 6 when I came into the picture. We only took privileges away and we are still trying to get the reins on her tantrums and disrespect. For my babies I will be starting this earlier requiring obedience the first time instead of training them not to listen until the third time like multiple warnings seem to do.
I would love to see a video on examples of parenting according to the Bible, scenarios that we could relate to so as to give us direction in our own moments. And examples across the ages, from toddler to your oldest. And also perhaps discipline scenarios that you both feel set the foundation for your oldest early on that now he doesn't need constant correction. Thank you for speaking out ❤
The New Dare to Discipline book by Dr James Dobson is a great Christian resource with more specific examples and guidelines for what's appropriate at different ages.
yes, please. I feel like I need a replacement plan now
The book 'Boundaries with kids' teaches it well with examples
I’ve found that there’s a lot of helpful information and scenarios on Focus on the Family podcast.
Yes!! That's my issue, I need help with scenarios
I grew up with my parents being so conscious of sin, and I think it does blanket a lot of shame onto children. Their capacity to understand all of it is limited, and in a time of their lives where love is so vital for their development. I have found that the less pressure and shame even with sin talk the better. I pray for my children, watch what I say about them, speak the word over them and bind Satan and his activity every morning. They are the weaker and more vulnerable and it’s our job to protect them. Too much at their little ages is just too much. Mine are all under 5. We talk about the Lord all day but, how we can call upon Him in all hours for help like a friend and talk to Him, and He is always there, He is everything good and we are free from hurts and scary thoughts, and He is there to heal us when we do experience hurt. The less attention and focus on their “sin” at such young ages and more focus on the connection, love and good the better.
We’ll said ❤
This is so true!
I also remember my mom reading the Bible to me before she spanked me on the bare bottom. I’ve struggled a lot and had to overcome a lot in my adult life from those years of being turned off, shut down, and never really getting time spent with my parents learning how to regulate my emotions or understand anything at all that felt terrifying as a kid. Just punished for it.
@@viversholisticnutrition8180 I'm so sorry you had to go through that! ❤️❤️❤️
God uses corporal punishment. Adam and Eve’s punishment was painful physically and spiritually and mentally. Took gifts away and added painful childbearing and tilling of the land and even death etc .
Just saying food for thought . The Old Testament is filled with hard lessons that hurt.
Obviously the parents in the video connect with and love their kids . It is evident through all the positive interactions they have . Even the wonderful conversations after the punishment is connection and growth .
💯 while I was pregnant I started following influencers that talked a lot about gentle parenting and then I thought it was a good idea. Once my children came into the world, I realized that wasn't how I wanted or could raise them if I wanted them to grow up into functioning responsible adults, so I threw it all out the window.
So you got lazy?
@@micaelagrant9240oh please, everyone in child care or school these days know that children these days are complete brats that wont listen to authority and that no one wants to be around. Proof that millennials with their gentle parenting are doing parenting wrong. If you are constantly validate every single emotion instead of disciplining, you get entitled and unruly kids. Everyone hates Gen Alpha already, even Gen Z.
You don’t want to teach your children about rules and boundaries, respect, manners, discipline, empathy, consequences? If you DO teach those then that IS Gentle Parenting/Authoritative parenting.
So how do you raise your children? To do whatever they want? You allow them to step all over you? They’re disrespectful, rude, have tantrums, don’t follow rules or boundaries, don’t have manners. You don’t communicate with your kids? You don’t teach them to control their emotions?
That’s concerning.
@@User-lshdh82 My best friends gentle parent. I asked them what "discipline" means. They talked a lot about "teaching and guiding." Those words mean great things, as long as we're defining them biblically. I see you listed a bunch of vocab words yourself. Let me just say, my best friends' kids are an absolute nightmare. This past weekend when I visited, I saw so much whining, so many instances of disobedience, and all of these instances were met with calm discussions and lessons about feelings. And within 2-3 minutes, we're back to whining and disobeying. All freaking day. The oldest is almost 7 years old. Youngest isn't quite two. When does gentle parenting start working or showing any semblance of fruit? My nieces are not "Gentle parented/Authoritative Parented." They are loved. And they are absolute bundles of joy, happiness, and a delight to be around. And they are extremely precocious, inquisitive, strong-willed, articulate, etc. They also have a clean house, clean vehicles, clean rooms. Because they haven't been taught by their parents how to manipulate authority and toe the line.
I see a bunch of dumbasses responding to this woman. No wonder reading comprehension is at all time low.
Biblical marriage and biblical parenting, may we all continue to grow in this!
Biblical marriage? Like forced polygamous unions? Which is what you see in the OT?
@@tryphenarose384ah yes, because when you see it being described in the Bible, it totally means it’s okay and prescribed by God, and not a result of man’s sin. 😉
I feel like “authoritarian” is “I said no, because I’m the parent and that’s all” vs biblical parenting is “I said no because I’m the parent and here’s WHY I said no and I love you” just like the Bible, if we don’t explain WHY God commands certain things, it can be easy for people to run from that instead of towards it.
When you say no you need to have a reason, I read a book by Jocko Willink and he mentions if you tell your kid to wear a helmet when riding your bike you can’t just say “ because I said so “ if you explain the dangers of not wearing a helmet they would understand why better .
@@rogersepedacould you share the title of that book? Sounds like a good book I'd like to read! 😊
@@plainntall743 Leadership Strategy and Tactics.
@@plainntall743 I read it twice , it’s a real good book .
Answering the why is often very important. We are teachers for our kids and we want them to know and learn! But I think they're touching on the idea that sometimes God asks us to obey without knowing the why. We obey because we love him and trust him, not because we can figure out why he's asking. That is a huge element of parenting too and that is ignored when we ALWAYS give a reason why.
Obedience of authroity isn't conditional on our understanding. You break the law, you pay a penalty, regardless of your understanding.
This is hard for me. I love explaining things to my kids so much! It's exciting to me that I can help them learn about the world, but if I'm not careful, I will be neglecting to teach them about obedience.
Why is everyone who agrees in the comments referring to spanking/beating their children as “discipline”? Instead of all of them saying, “I started spanking my 2 year old,” they’re saying “I started disciplining my 2 year old,” as if that code word makes it less disturbing. As if discipline is only done through spanking. Jesus would have never spanked a child, if you know the character of Jesus at all! Jesus was the most gentle with children. And with his wisdom and grace upon our lives, we can model Christ-like behavior (patience, kindness, empathy) and help guide our children towards understanding their need for a Savior. Once they’ve accepted Christ, the Holy Spirit will convict their hearts. There are so many other consequences that are effective and appropriate for children. Don’t get in the Holy Spirits way by spanking with one hand while upholding the Bible in the other. We are told not to stir up our children’s hearts towards anger, and I know from first-hand experience that spanking separated me from Christ, not drawing nearer to Him. My faith was fear-based and dependent on my parents, not a personal relationship with the Lord myself. And I was always taken into a back room, told what I did wrong, was told “this hurts me more than it hurts you,” and was spanked “calmly” and in “all the right ways” according to fundamental Baptists, and I still was angryyyyy after each “discipline” because I felt my parent was winning against me. I still believe my parents were sinning against me, but now two decades later I have a strong relationship with the Lord and I’m raising my small children by breaking the cycle of abuse.
They don’t want their kids taken by CPS so they call it a more socially acceptable term. Just disgusting. Why are Christian’s of all people who claim to know the love and grace of God all worked up over their right to hit their children. I want to ask each of them in person if Jesus would hit their children!!!!
Also I was raised similarly to you ❤and I know it takes immense courage to actually question your upbringing when your parents did their best and what they thought was biblical. It’s a courage that a lot of others don’t seem to possess. Because if they admit the way their parents did things wasn’t biblically mandated it may lead them to see it harmed them and that would destroy this perfect happy family facade these teachings promised to create.
Both my sister and I were whooped and we turned out pretty good . No mental health issues or anything. Not to say it’s the only way to discipline, every child is different.
@@rogersepeda You most definitely did not turn out fine
@@StormscapeXI was whooped too, and my parents are my best friends. Also happily married and in a stable family. Spanking doesn’t mean abuse. Get over yourself.
This was such a blessing!! I didn’t realize all the things that were wrong about gentle parenting. Thank you so much, this clarified things a lot to me!
Some parent’s ideas are shaped by harmful attitudes and ‘discipline’ they, themselves, suffered from at the hands of their own extreme legalistic parents. So as a reaction to that upbringing, they tend to not want to discipline at all. It’s sad that many of them see authority as abusive or angry. I so wish they could have had the experience of knowing that an authority can be kind and loving. 😥 Thank you
Exactly. People like to run to other sides of extremes
Someone that abuses you is not kind and loving; those are the poisonous words of the abuser that are taught.
Anybody that claims to LOVE you while they are physically assaulting you or screaming at you is a liar and an evil person.
My own mother would kick in my door and scream at me for absolutely no reason. She has NPD after being raped by her step-dad and was verbally abusive and used everyone to get what she wanted. She believed in this same garbage and now we don't speak much anymore..
Every time she tries to call me, she tries to manipulate me and my wife over the phone and gaslight us into submitting to her wishes.
A lot of people on this page have that same disorder and it's sad that they continue to perpetuate this behavior thru suppressing their own trauma thru manipulation, rage, or sleight of hand.
You’re right, anyone who assaults you or abuses you (yelling, screaming or lashing out) is not loving or kind. It sounds like you had a horrible upbringing and were terribly mistreated. That is nothing like what I am talking about. I’m sorry you suffered at the hands of a traumatized mother…and it seems like she would continue to abuse you if given the chance. Her own hurts must run deep. I hope you can find healing from this kind of terrible treatment.
You guys are SPOT ON! Many times when I’m disciplining our children, I will talk with them about the specific behavior and where it comes from (selfishness, anger, pride) and I’ll say, “Do you know what that’s called?… Sin.” It is so important for them to understand that we ALL fall short of the glory of God. How else will they ever receive the beautiful grace that God offers us through the sacrifice of His son. Keep up the honest talk! Love it! ❤
No, no, no. Until a child is old enough to be at the age of “accountability,” painting everything they do as sinful creates a lot of shame and separates them from having a true relationship with the Lord. Their relationship will likely always be through their parents, and not genuine on their own. Breaking a child down through corporal punishment is not modeling the behavior of Christ. If you spank your children with one hand while holding the Bible in the other, you’re a wedge between them and God. I experienced it first hand and it took years to deconditon myself from the anger I felt and establish a true relationship with the Lord.
@@maryanne.sanders I hear what you are saying. I should clarify by saying that I have those conversations with my older children, ages 8 and up. We have extension conversations about grace and we model that as well. 😊
@@MotherRabbitsKitchen may I ask why you worded it “when I am disciplining my children” instead of “when I am spanking my children”? I’ve noticed that throughout the comment section here. I discipline my children in a dozens ways that don’t include any spanking at all. Yet people in the comments section are using the word discipline as if it’s synonymous with spanking? I feel like it’s a code word that is used to sterilize the word spanking. Would you “discipline” your children in front of others without feeling conviction? Any discipline or consequence or even the way I speak to my children is 100% the same in public and in private.
@@maryanne.sanders when I said discipline, I did not mean spanking at all. As I said above, I was referring to my older children whom I do not spank. I meant disciplining as in taking the moment to pause and speaking to my child about their behavior and the motive behind it.
@@MotherRabbitsKitchen then absolutely!! Our job is to train and encourage, like you just mentioned. That’s gentle parenting. Katy and her husband are referring to spanking throughout this video, based on what they said and other content they’ve promoted.
YES! I have been saying this about the "Gentle Parenting" approach for a long time now. I 100% agree! I am so glad that someone is brave enough to actually address this!
Theres root words for these that you must study to truly get the meaning if the bible in Jesus day and language The ROD meant to lovingly guide. This is out of context. Research it. Please STOP this. Violence promotes violence. All you do is instill fear and show your child that violence solves the issue. This is not biblical sadly MANY HAVE BEEN LEAD ASTRAY BY YHIS SCRIPTURE. IT DOES NOT MEAN TO LITERALLY BEAT/SPANK YOUR CHILD. I REPEAT. IT MEANS JUST THE OPPOSITE TO LOVINGLY GUIDE THEM. PLEASE DO YOUR RESEARCH!!!!CHILD ABUSE NEEDS TO STOP
Do you use spanking to discipline your kids as well?
So you agree that respecting a child as a human being, talking to children and not at them, respecting appropriate binderies for children, and all which is really just another word for authoritative parenting? Gentle parenting and authoritative parenting are the same thing
@@alaws2005No it’s not. Gentle parenting doesn’t teach children boundaries. It’s teaches them manipulation as a way to get what they want or to get out of uncomfortable situations. Gentle parenting does not work. It doesn’t even exist in developmental psychology books. It should be called “soft parenting”
Wow!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR DOING A PODCAST ON THIS! I was totally falling for the positive discipline teachings. They sound so good… but I am thankful that you have opened my eyes on this now! Praise God!
Y'all are preaching so good on this here podcast! I felt the Holy Spirit throughout the whole episode! Thank you for letting God use you to minister to parents who really need to hear this 🙋🏾♀️! You are like a breath of fresh air! ❤
The rod in thay day wasent used to beat the sheep. You should correct your child when wrong by guiding them with conversation lovingly.
Thank you for this language clarification!
The rod actually represents the word of the Lord- that's what you should be "Beating" your child with, not a stick. People don't understand this because they look at the Old Testament use of the rod instead of in light of the new covenant where Jesus has taken our beating for us. Children don't need to be hit to repent any more than adults do. What they need is the word (which is the rod symbolically).
@@sarayoung9395 this!!! Yes yes yes
Thank you so much for addressing this topic. I finally understand why I had been so confused when the moment comes to discipline my son, why I was so ineffective; there was fear operating in me because I wasn't on solid ground, I was using this ideology to educate. Thank you for being brave, bringing this light and freedom! God's blessing for you and your entire family!
THANK YOU for being brave & for going there! I have found so-called "gentle" Christian parents to be some of the most vitriolic, ungracious people out there (not all of them). And not only is it not biblical, but it is setting up children with the unrealistic expectation that the thing everyone in the world is going to be the most concerned about is "their feelings." Emotions are neutral in that they can be good or bad. Not every emotion is good just because we feel it. There is righteous anger & there is most definitely unrighteous anger. Children that are taught that the world is going to conform to all of their feelings are in for a rude awakening.
I've also realized through this episode that though I've never bought into the gentle parenting mind set, my motivations have often been selfish & not biblical though outwardly my methods maybe they looked so. I needed a serious heart check, so thank you for that as well.
I completely agree with your assessment as well. The gentle parenting model often includes the validation of a child's feelings, but I think it could be a problem for the reasons you stated. In addition, the language used in the method obfuscates the meaning of "valid." What does it mean when something is valid or when you are validating a feeling?
According to the definition of the word, valid means " having a sound basis in logic or fact; reasonable or cogent." Another definition is "legally or officially acceptable." By validating a child's feelings, you are communicating that the emotional reaction to the behavior is acceptable. For example, a child has a tantrum at the grocery store because his mother wouldn't buy a new toy for him. The child's emotional reaction in itself lacks any logic or reason. He acted on instinct without calmly explaining his needs or desires and he failed to understand that his behavior is disruptive and unpleasant to the people around him. So, if we were to go by the definition of "valid", this child's reaction was not valid at all as it lacks logic or reasonable behavior. This may be one of many reasons why you have so many young kids who can't emotionally regulate today. They lack an understanding of social awareness, have never been taught to calmly communicate their thoughts, and have never been taught to accept disappointment.
Some parents may be accidentally confusing the idea of "valid" with "real." Of course, what their child is experiencing in the moment is a real, raw emotion that cannot be denied. However, it may not be the appropriate emotion to use in that moment, and it is up to us as adults/parents to teach them that. What parents and parenting coaches should say is that the reality of the child's feelings should be acknowledged, but it does not mean they are valid emotions.
@@nerdygrl647young children can’t emotionally regulate from a developmental perspective. You don’t know what you’re talking about. Get them to repress all emotion instead. That works out well. I can’t understand why people expect better emotional regulation and behaviour from actual children than they display themselves. Children are not mini adults.
Thank you for the video! I found myself thinking, during the introduction segment, that the use of specific terms is very important. From what I've read (books, not internet, and as an 80s baby ;) ), there's a continuum of parenting styles with corresponding most-appropriate terms:
- Authoritarian = dictatorial, child has no input in the process
- Authoritative = parents are the boss but they do not abuse that power since they are aware of both God's grace that they're under and God's authority that they're under (matches what you describe as biblical parenting)
- Gentle = democratic, with equal representation for children/parents
- Permissive = child is the boss, parent abdicates responsibility
I rushed to the comments to make sure someone had clarified this! Thank you for commenting. There is so much more here from a psychological perspective that is important to understand before we jump to conclusions, and this is one of the basics- defining parenting styles properly and with the correct sources so we don't conflate authoritative and authoritarian not gentle parenting with authoritarian. For everyone watching, please do your own research!
Great discussion! I would really like to hear you guys elaborate on disciple/correction techniques that are biblical with small children. Mine are toddlers and I struggle with finding effective techniques.
Hi, I got through the toddler phase and ended up with very respectful, obedient kids. What is the technique you’re using right now?
This has been misunderstood sadly. Do your research. It means the opposite of hurting.The sheep were not beaten with the rod. "Sparing the rod" in that sense, means that a parent must lovigly guide his or her child and teach the child right from wrong with love. Spanking is not biblical. When you research and study the words and meaning in Jesus language and day and the truth will set you free
We're in the new testament now. Jesus would not beat your child to correct them he an advocate for love. To prove this. It's not meant to be literal. Figuratively speaking If your child needs more direction you must do more. aAMUCH MORE EFFORT. Other translations say disciple/correct. Discipline comes from the word DISCIPLE. WHICH MEANS TEACH. SET AN EXAMPLE. A good Shepard doesn't beat his sheep. Much of the bible is in parables and figurative because of the culture Greek -hebrew language and way of speaking during that time. The oppsite of western philosophy. Different words have different meanings. You must dissect those words and study them to get the correct interpretation. If God refers to us as sheep does that mean that we are literally sheep? Also consider KJV was written quickly look at its history. It has to be studied and you should consider other versions and scripture that support this. Read Matt 18. When you beat a child you instill fear. Through history we see leaders used fear tactics to get control of people. Nepolian, Hitler, Alexander the great etc... they obeyed out of fear. The world doesn't work in this way either. A man will go to jail if he goes and beats another man. When's the last time a judge spanked somebody for there bad behavior. This is teaching children violence solves a problem. Not how the world works and not natural consequences. They need to have natural consequences and be loved on discipled not abused.
Many people who are in jail or prison were abused. It did not help them. Look at the research. Spanking does more harm than good.
The newer translations were able to get better meanings and do more research of the language of that day
Matthew 18:6
But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.
Matthew 18:6-7 The Message (MSG)
“But if you give them a hard time, bullying or taking advantage of their simple trust, you'll soon wish you hadn't. You'd be better off dropped in the middle of the lake with a millstone around your neck. Doom to the world for giving these God-believing children a hard time!
Excellent content/conversation! One of my favorite episodes so far. Don't worry about how long the video is. What you shared is important and most of all biblical! This topic does need to be discussed! You two are wise beyond your years! Keep sharing! ☺️
The sheep were not beaten with the rod. "Sparing the rod" in that sense, means that a parent must lovingly guide his or her child and teach the child right from wrong with love.
Theres root words for these that you must study to truly get the meaning if the bible in Jesus day and language The ROD meant to lovingly guide. This is out of context. Research it. Please STOP this. Violence promotes violence. All you do is instill fear and show your child that violence solves the issue. This is not biblical sadly MANY HAVE BEEN LEAD ASTRAY BY YHIS SCRIPTURE. IT DOES NOT MEAN TO LITERALLY BEAT/SPANK YOUR CHILD. I REPEAT. IT MEANS JUST THE OPPOSITE TO LOVINGLY GUIDE THEM. PLEASE DO YOUR RESEARCH
@@Fitgirljourney-e2b That's exactly what they are saying! No one is advocating any sort of beating.
It's meant for those who don't understand
I love that y’all are jumping into deeper topics! Y’all’s voice is greatly needed in the RUclips space!! Huge fan!! ❤
My husband and I love listening to you guys. Thank you for taking the time and energy each of these podcasts to put it out for us to listen to and learn from. God bless you two and your family ❤
Gentle Parenting was my first step into the New Age Spirituality and away from God. Did not know it then, just discovered that. From there it is a slippery slope to become dependent on you own understanding/ healing etc.
In January of this year after 3 years of being all into New Age stuff I got called back from the Lord and I am a born again Christian. It changed everything for our family. With that I was so confused about parenting and after reading a biblical book about parenting that is all about the heart of the child ( and adult) and why it needs a savior (lots of the same verses you talked about where mentioned aswell). And now you basically said all the point in your podcast. Thank you Jesus for opening my eyes and leading me out of deception! 🙏🏽🕊️
Which book was it? Was it shepherding the child's heart?
Wow congratulations and God bless. I’m curious what book this was
A child will also obey a parent is has a good realtionship with because they dont want ro disappoint them. Its about relationship.
Wow just reading the title I am liking this video already!
This is one thing I believe many Christians need to ponder upon way more.
The sheep were not beaten with the rod. "Sparing the rod" in that sense, means that a parent must guide his or her child and teach the child right from wrong with love. Violence pomtoes more violence.
@@Fitgirljourney-e2bspanking isn’t violence. Were also told in hebrews that God chastise and scourges those whom he loves. God isn’t “gentle” parenting, but He is gentle.
This is an answered prayer! Thank you so much for touching on this topic. I know it must have taken courage and boldness but boy did God use it! So grateful you have spoken sound mindedness and wisdom from Gods word. The Holy Spirit used you both in an amazing way!
Please do more videos and podcasts on biblical parenting. This really touched my heart. It’s so easy to be misled and I love hearing scripture and real examples of how to parent. Thank you for posting. I didn’t get saved until I was already an adult. I want to teach my kids the right way but I feel like im easily misled because im still learning the Bible myself. You two explain things so well ❤
Parenting by one of the fruits of the spirit is unbiblical. How so? I wish my Christian parents had never spanked (hit) me for discipline. It wasn't healthy for me.
This video does not give any merit to Gentle Parenting or any of its facets or variations. Jesus was whipped so we don’t have to be, including our children. It’s insane the amount of backlash we get for trying to persuade people to not hit kids. It really is that simple.
Amen
I’m glad there are some Christians with some humanity and sense.
5 And have you forgotten the encouraging words God spoke to you as his children? He said, “My child, don't make light of the LORD 's discipline, and don't give up when he corrects you. 6 For the LORD disciplines those he loves, and he punishes each one he accepts as his child.”
Hebrews 12
Of course we give a lot of grace to our kids because we have received and need grace. Our first desire should be showing gentleness, patience, kindness. But it is not loving to allow a child we are responsible to teach right and wrong to, to act in unloving ways and not address it.
Even we as adults, with all our experience and wisdom, not being as foolish as children- even we will do sinful things without the threat of consequences. Just think of everytime we break speeding laws until we see police parked ahead.
How can we expect children to do better than we adults and choose what is right if they have no fear of their parents or any authority?
Of course we favour teaching them what is right, praising good behaviour, modeling it, etc. And we do that overtime, we persevere. But sometimes kids do what is dangerous or hurt others, despite all that, and we need to apply consequences. I dont mean beating but it is unpleasant. One of my kids hates time outs and wants to be near us. If you hit her hand, she usually doesn't care much. But if you say she needs to go to her room she will want to avoid that.
Another of my kids likes her alone time and doesn't mind being in her room. But she will want to avoid a tap on the hand. So you need to know your kids and adjust accordingly if they are choosing to be disobedient and hurting others or putting themselves in danger.
Parents should find it hard to punish their kids. It should be unpleasant for them too. If it isn't, they probably need to ask forgiveness from God and their kids. But if God chastises us, it is because we need it.
He is Holy, not only loving.
And He says that he disciplines and punishes those he loves
My absolute favorite podcast you two have ever done! Have listened 3 times. Praise God for your clear rebuke of this parenting philosophy.
I've seen some of your other videos and you two are definitely gently disciplining your kids through play and conversation, positive affirmation, and quality time. The modern understanding of discipline encompasses more than correction. I agree that honest feedback about your kids' sin, guidance toward what's right, and withholding of privileges are all necessary. Gentleness, forgiveness, mercy, and yes, redirection and verbalizing understanding are all necessary discipline skills as well, and very biblical. We can learn different skills from different methods, but I'd disagree that Gentle Parenting is leading everyone astray.
This!!!! Soo so true!
Yes, it is. Because gentle parenting is more than just corrections. Just because you aren't beating your child upside the head with a spoon for every little thing doesn't mean you are gentle parenting. It just means you aren't abusive.
@@cyberspace7208 and people that don’t adhere to gentle parenting such as myself doesn’t mean that I spank my child at every turn, every mistake that they make most of my correction and discipline is teaching and trying to get to the root of the issue and setting out appropriate consequences or even at times natural consequences and then talk about why they experienced it, but I do spank at times when necessary. If it’s something that’s already been discussed and stressed about and yet my child still chooses to disobey me. Gentle parenting isn’t new it was it discovered a few years ago it’s been practiced for almost a couple decades because even when I was a child, a lot of my peers were raised by gentle parents and I would see the entitlement the way they were talk to their parents I would never talk to my mom the way these kids will talk to their parents treating them like they were friends and that’s the thing. The philosophy for gentle parenting is being an equal to your parent. Yes, children and adults are equal in value, but the hierarchy is different, my child is under me right now she’s my responsibility. I’m supposed to protect her but I’m also supposed to discipline her and steer her on the right path. I also don’t believe that children should be seen and not heard that’s not it either. Like I said, there’s a time and a place I also think that philosophy from those days was very harmful because there were children that were used and people would know and did nothing. That’s also a sin. put my point is that it’s not working because it’s not getting to the root of the problem and we keep giving them distractions over distractions and we wonder why when they grow up they can’t handle their own and then we already seeing the ramifications teachers are fleeing from schools because kids are atrocious. They’re not disciplined parents are making teachers look like the evil monsters and then the kids that are well behaved, which is not many anymore suffer because other kids don’t know how to act civilized and kids are immature but they’re able to behave after a certain age after six years old I expect children to know how to behave in public.
@sofiabravo1994 You've outlined everything perfectly.
Myself and my siblings were spanked for big or repeated offenses, other than that, our parents used various forms of consequences to discipline us. They would talk to us extensively and walk us through becoming responsible adults. So we respected our parents, knew that they were the authority, respected other adults and still understood how to navigate our emotions and surroundings through the guidance of our parents.
The biggest fail of gentle parenting is that it calls for parents and children to be equal and to treat children as the parent wants to be treated. However, parents and adults are not the same as children by any measurement which leaves the child stunted, emotional, and a slave to their own wants and needs
Pray and ask the LORD to teach you how to parent and raise the child(ren) He gives you. Study your children get to know them to then understand how to engage them, and that will eventually include discipline, or saying “no”. Small swats on the hand can be ok if it’s to keep them away from harm only. And done with love and teaching them why you are protecting them. For bad behavior try age appropriate time outs where the parent sits together with the child during the few minutes. I found this when I was looking for ways to discipline my young child: time outs using longer times for older age. For example a 3 yr can do about 30 seconds at a time, and the time out is done together with the parent. Do not send the child off into a corner or alone in a room. Show them you are going through the time out with them because one they are too little to be abandoned in a room for whatever they did, and two you can count down with them and talk to them about why the behavior was time out worthy. I know when people hear time out they think thats not a punishment, but if you do it together it shows them its not meant to be a punishment, it’s meant to teach them. For little ones I don’t agree in spanking to punish or teach a lesson. Spanking doesn’t teach them to obey or respect their parents, just to fear them.
The definition she read describing “gentle parenting” is totally not parenting. I don’t agree with that style either. We are to raise up our children in the way that God wants, we do not collaborate with our toddlers or children. Now when they enter the pre-teen years they naturally will look for more autonomy, and parents are still to teach them and discipline in love, not provoke them to anger.
"What are you if you aren't a gentle parent? Are you a violent parent?" This is what has always bothered me about the term "gentle parenting."
I love how you shared the square/rectangle theory of parenting: gentle parenting is not biblical, but biblical parenting is gentle.
Yes, that's probably why they choose that name, gentle parenting. It appeals to everyone, we all want to be gentle, because what's the opposite, like you said.. it was a very smart way of getting parents on board.. however, we're not all so easily tricked!
That's spot on! Thank you for sharing this! As a new momma I feel there is pressure to follow gentle parenting for the 'best' development of our children (backed up by 'science' etc etc). Even making it compatible with Christians. However, I never felt this was right for me as a mother - my mother practiced very loose, relaxed and gentle parenting which I think caused a few issues in mine and my sibling's behaviours/lives. I am the eldest and got most disciplined but my sibling didn't and to this day she blames our mother for not disciplining her...I know in my heart I do not want that for my child now that I'm a mother. I just needed to know there are other people who still feel discipline is good as I recently felt bad for going that path as it becomes less and less accepted in the society. I just feel it is so easy to fall into the trap to just follow parenting trends and just give your authority away as a parent just because the society promotes it. I think maybe that is why we have so many emotional/psychological issues with our kids today and issues with ideologies being pushed at schools behind parents' backs. We need to push this back!
What is discipline to you? You said you felt bad. True discipline shouldn't make you feel bad. Unless of course you define discipline as a hitting. Than you should feel bad. Because it is not Christian whatsoever.
The sheep were not beaten with the rod. "Sparing the rod" in that sense, means that a parent must lovingly guide his or her child and teach the child right from wrong by praying for them and speaking to them about it in love.
@@EstherDesorcy-zi1kz no, i don't define it as hitting I think you misunderstood me and I am Christian fyi, so no I don't believe in hitting children, my partner was extremely physically abused as a child so we have our bit of experience and attitude towards that. I was not disciplined by hitting. From my understanding, gentle parents are not 'supposed' to be authoritative because they should get on the same level as the child - that is what I have a problem with because even though I am happy that we should respect our children and be empathetic, I just feel there needs to be hierarchy maintained in the family. That's why I feel bad - I don't feel it is right for me to give authority away so I might look harsh because I don't want to just let the child roam extremely wild and 'rule the household' as it often happens nowadays, without set bondaries. Children should not rule their parents, otherwise they become unhappy in my opinion.
@@Fitgirljourney-e2b that is exactly it.
@@matokai266
Authoritative parenting and gentle parenting seem to go hand in hand however we can completely take the labels away and simplify parenting by simply using common sense. Children thrive when they have boundaries set in place. It makes them feel safe. Alot of these youtubers however justify hitting and spanking with the Bible and its very clear to me that it is wrong. So we agree on that I was just confused because everyone in the comments keeps talking about discipline I really hope they are talking about your type of discipline. Because i can make a video on how spanking is unbiblical i have alot to say about it maybe ill start a channel lol You sound like an amazing mom. Thank you for clarifying what you meant.
I think you've misrepresented gentle parenting, which is natural for parents who haven't tried it. I was sceptical until I researched, studied, and put into practice its way of thinking. Gentle parenting does not completely omit any commands and obedience. An easy example is in regards to safety - you expect the child to follow rules such as not running across a road or not hurting others by hitting. And if they "fail to obey" these rules (aka can't/chose not to in that moment) you stop them.
God doesn't force obedience from us, he doesn't control us. We chose to obey him because he shows us love and respect. For me this is gentle parenting - raising our kids with the same love and respect as Christ shows us.
Gentle parenting does NOT teach to ignore unwanted or "bad" behaviour.
It's quite shocking to hear you advocating physical punishment. The more I listen, the worse this gets.
Actually God does expect and commands obedience, it's not optional
@Holly Hodgson don't despise or twist God's word , I was spanked or beat till I was 17 and I have no anger or trauma from it I actually appreciate it
I see what you're saying that we choose to obey God because he shows us love and respect, but do you believe that a young child is capable of obeying simply because they love and respect you? The Bible says otherwise.
@@camillemitchell301 Developmentally, a young child cannot and will not obey 100% of the time. If you expect this, you do not understand child development.
Thank you for addressing this. As a Nanny in a family that practices gentle parenting, it's so hard keeping kids safe and happy. It's interesting, that the kids who are hardly ever told No, who get what they want on demand, who have all food and treats available 24/7... yet, they are grumpy and complying more time than they ate happy and content.
As for the ‘beat him with a rod’ thing, my mother used to beat me on a weekly basis, my dad beat me once in my life (they were divorced). I don’t talk to my mother anymore, but my dad, I loved him till the day he died and I miss him everyday and I will never forget what I did wrong that day. I also think the mother should never do that. She’s there to love and nurture. Men get into fights all the time. Also, my father was loving, my mother wasn’t. Take that for what you will. There are many factors to consider here.
Many children are taught that their feelings aren't real and that punishment is 'love'. This teaches children to internalize abuse. That's why you have a bunch of nutjobs on here saying that they are thankful for being whipped, rodded, or spanked.
Then they go on to do it to their own children and those kids develop severe anxiety disorders and anti-social (manipulative) behaviors that make them prone to abuse. They are taught that they must conform and obey; so when they get sexually abused; they feel they deserve it because of what their parents taught them.
Discipline and punishment are not the same thing. I recommend the book Heartfelt Discipline by Clay Clarkson if you haven’t read it. One size fits all discipline doesn’t work as they get older.
I've always said that. Punishment is motivated by anger and is intended to hurt. Discipline is motivated by love and is intended to teach the child a better way. Discipline may be delivered through a consequence, and this is healthy because children benefit from learning that actions have consequences (positive and negative).
I'm so glad someone is talking about this in a kind and straightforward way. I feel like a lot of people now days are scared to talk about this! Thank you for sharing the truth on Biblical discipline.
Katie, you nailed it and brought so much good Scripture to these parenting mindsets and ways. Thank you for always going back to the Word.
Yikes!! I think it’s better called respectful, parenting and treating your child like a human being now instead of later.
It makes no sense to hit a child for hitting someone else. It just teaches them to hit.
How is gentle parenting UNbiblical when the Bible teaches that love is the greatest of all. Patient kind etc. etc. come on.
I love what the lady below me said. She said it perfectly. I really hope people are cautious when listening to other people talk about gentle parenting. Yikes.
“Those who spare the rod hate their children, but those who love them are diligent to discipline them” (Proverbs 13:24).
Please look up in the Hebrew, what the word Rod means :)
Obviously there are places when it is used literally. There is no question about it. We cannot make all the Bible a metaphor and, oh well, nothing it is what it seems and whatever we want to believe we apply. What I know for sure, there are things that are traumatic for a child and things that are absolutely not. What I’m seeing around is a generation of parents that have absolutely no authority in front of their own kids and being actually hit by their kids, yelled at and they have absolutely no means to discipline them because only talking to them is simply not enough. I’m seeing these parents as victims. And for sure, what we advocating in these times as gentle parenting will result in a generation of rebel humans, unable to cope with stress and responsibility. You don’t need to agree with me, I guess we will all have the chance to witness and we do already.
This has been so encouraging, convicting and helpful. I’ve been struggling so much raising my children in this gentle parenting society, wondering how the Bible fit into it, and disregarding so many texts and biblical truths because I was confused about how to view and implement them. But this podcast has really led a string through each passage and shown me how they work together and made so many Biblical truths of parenting click into place! Thankyou so much for your vulnerability and God-centred, Bible-centred approach to these issues. I pray God will sustain and bless you both as you serve in this way!
I need to listen twice! So, so good! Please pray for me that I can implement this stuff better! I didn't know I had angry tendencies until I became a parent. 😪
I needed to hear this. Thank you! I need a constant reminder that what we are doing is biblical and not going to hurt/ damage our children.
I just started watching the video, so I'm eager to hear what will be said, I must say that the title is alarming off the bat and leads me to believe that you both don't understand the fundamental basis of gentle parenting. Gentleness is one of the Fruits of the Spirit. We are not instructed to be gentle with adults but harsh or violent with children. We are called to practice gentleness in all we do. Proverbs 13:24 asserts, "spare the rod and spoil the child." The original Hebrew word which 'rod' was translated from referred to the shepherd's rod, used to guide a sheep gently back to the path of safety and righteousness, NEVER to beat the sheep or punish it for straying. Once again, we are directed to use a gentle approach to teach and guide our children when they stray. John 8:7 says, "Let he who has not sinned cast the first stone." This is a declaration that human to human violence is never acceptable as a form of punishment. Gentle parenting is not permissive parenting. Gentle parenting seeks to exemplify the respect that we want our children to exhibit rather than scaring or shaming them into the behaviors we want to see, as children learn best by example, after all. Gentle parenting upholds boundaries through logical explanation of right and wrong rather than assertion of power dynamics between adults and their physically, mentally, and spiritually more fragile counterparts. Non gentle parenting is unbiblical. Violence, disrespect, and wielding undue power are unbiblical.
Yes! Thank you for sharing! 100% agree with all of this. Jesus never would have spanked small children. NEVER!
Guys, I watched this video because I have a conviction to expose myself to views that oppose my own to see if my arguments hold water... And I am so convinced by this video, you two are pretty much the benchmark... Thank you for making this video, I'm sure the Lord moved your hearts on this, it'sso necessary in our time**
I agree first of all, I had tried for years to learn and understand gentle or positive parenting, and it just wasn't working at all, I felt like there was something wrong with me, I was doing it wrong, I wasn't it was the method. I read at least 5 gentle parenting books/audible books, and when i listened to Boundaries with kids, I realized hentle parenting wasn't biblical, and it was not what I wanted anymore. I also often realize more and more that what is popular and being pushed on us everywhere. Is not usually good or best at all, and that's what positive parenting has been. It's all over instagram, especially. Authoritarian parenting is not respecting your children and extremely harsh. But authoritative is where we should be, as we are their authority and they need and reply on us to be. They need boundaries and disapline, meaning to teach, but also give consequences when necessary, that doesn't mean not be loving, but kids are not in charge and they don't want to be, I grew up in a permissive parenting household and felt unloved, due to the lack of boundaries and consequences, I know first hand that kids want and need a parent who is strong and leading them in the right direction.
Parents need to be firm and kind
Boundaries with Kids is the best book I've read on parenting so far. It ensures that consequences take place when the child breaks a rule, while also respecting the child. Authority from the parent is maintained, while also not squashing the child's feelings. I feel like it's the middle ground between gentle parenting and authoritarianism. I suppose it lands a parent in the authoritative category, which is the healthy way to parent.
@tinaholbrook9719 exactly!! It's Authoritive parenting, not authoritarian or permissive, which is what I think gentle parenting is most of the time.
The proof is in the pudding, people. These two come from very large families whose parents raised them this way, according to God's word, and bam, there's massive wonderful fruit.
I really appreciate you guys being bold to talk about this. It simplifies my parenting. Just follow the Lord and obey His word.
What I dont understand is why people, even Christians think the God of the Bible, and Jesus, is always a soft, never hurt a fly type of God.
He takes sin very seriously. He will do whatever it takes to save people from hell.
Jesus was PUNISHED on the cross for our sin. Beaten. Meaning, we deserved THAT punishment.
And to save us from hell, I've heard of so many testimonies where God allows a car accident, a tradegy, a physical ailment, a horrible sickness, to get people saved. And also to discipine those who are saved but arent following him. He uses whatever means, even physical means, to wake people up! Rather that than people suffer in hell forever.
Good grief, thats loving of Him to do! Im tired of Christians saying God wouldnt spank a child. He spanks me all the time! Ive even suffered severe illness just for him to teach me something and get my attention. It's one way of how he loves me, and im so thankful he loves me enough to do so.
5 And have you forgotten the encouraging words God spoke to you as his children? He said, “My child, don't make light of the LORD 's discipline, and don't give up when he corrects you. 6 For the LORD disciplines those he loves, and he punishes each one he accepts as his child.”
Hebrews 12
You can be firm, gently…. Parents are the authority always. A parent may give a child choices but we aren’t going to sit down and be like “okay son what would you like me to work on this week as your parent…” There is a middle ground for this, a parent should always be an authority figure but not all authority figures have to be loud and yell and he abusive. I feel like this is the only view people who believe in gentle parenting have of an authority figure.
That’s right, kids need leadership. You can be firm and have boundaries and rules with out being abusive.
It’s only been less than 24hrs since I found your channel. I’m obsessed with your content. You guys touch on great topics! ❤❤
I am a non-believer and I really appreciated this video! It opened my eyes to why so many people are against gentle parenting. I've been using the term gentle parenting to describe my parenting style, but if this is what most people agree is gentle parenting then that is definitely not what I am doing. The book "No Bad Kids" was very helpful for me with parenting and condones authoritative parenting without physical punishments like spankings. I also appreciated this video for opening my eyes to the Christian doctrine on parenting in a biblical manner. I don't follow the bible in any intentional way, but knowing other ways of parenting with a proven track record is helpful.
Yes I encourage you to read the Bible starting in the book of John. God does not endorse being harsh and inappropriate with our neighbor that includes our children but he does set standards and hierarchy in order for things to run smoothly his way versus our way, and at least in my experience when I try to do things my way well fizzles out.
Well said! I think the most merciful thing to do towards your children is be their leader. Im muslim and completely resonated with this, and hit home because it’s lonely thinking like this.
Thank you for making this podcast and bringing parenting back to Scripture.
Interesting video, but I do have a question about natural consequences: how will your children know what to do when you aren't there if they havent experienced natural consequences? Something that I practice all the time is allowing for small mistakes so my children can learn for themselves, rather than from constant correction. Example - My two year old falls off of the porch, even though I am right near him, watching closely to make sure he doesn't really get hurt, and then he is more careful next time. That same child slightly burned his hand on a hot pan after being warned that he needs to keep his hands to himself in the kitchen. I don't need to exert my complete control and energy into protecting him from natural consequences, because if I stopped him from falling, or burning his hand, he would be more likely to expect me to intervene next time as well. Because I allow him to make small mistakes on his own, he becomes more self assured, careful and learns from experience rather than my direct involvement every time. Kids are smart and with the especially rebellious ones, I have found we have much better days when I am not controlling his every move. Thank you for the conversation! It was fascinating! :) God bless! ❤
This - all of this. Nothing is neutral. I agree completely. Thank you for bringing this factual information to us and backing it up with Scripture. This was an amazing episode!
“Nothing is neutral.” My outlook on life was changed so much for the better when a couple verses came alive to me several years ago. Proverbs speaks so much about evil and good being strong opposites, and Revelation has that verse comparing holy/filthy and unjust/righteous. I overheard a couple Godly people discussing how God views everything as one or the other. I cringe whenever I hear people say things like, “it isn’t exactly sin.” I’m ranting, but my purpose was just to encourage and support. :)
That is so good!! Thank you for sharing!!
As a Christian and Parent Coach, I understand what the goal is here, but Authoritative parenting is absolutely biblical. Many elements of gentle parenting are misrepresented here. ❤❤
i thought so, too.
Maybe Christians are doing this right but calling it gentle parenting still stems from secular philosophy, so I think biblical parenting is better just because more specific and it’s not the same as gentle, parenting gentle parenting wants us to be equal position with our children, which we’re not according to the word of God so there’s that
@@sofiabravo1994 No it doesn’t. Again, it’s misrepresented. Scripture even uses “gentle” when it says we should be raising them in the “nurture and admonition” of the Lord. It also exemplifies the fruit of the Spirit which I’m sure you’re familiar with. Authoritarian parenting does not in any way exemplify them. ❤️
It absolutely is biblical, punishment and discipline is completely different. Discipline derives from the term Disciple and that means to teach, give instruction and when you consider the fruits of the spirit you disciple your kids in joy, love, peace, self control, patience, kindness, and gentleness. So is punishing your child with anger, frustration, hitting, and yelling at all Godly. Psalm 145 speaks of the amazing character of God that He slow to anger, gracious, full of compassion, and that's what we must achieve as Christian parents we must model christ. When does God punish His children? When does His children feel his wrath? God indeed lifts us up when we fall, he forgives and loves us. I can't imagine a life where I am not showing compassion and love to my child. They deserve the gentle long-suffering parts of me and when I fail I ask them for forgiveness. I can't belive so many Christians subscribe to this ideology it's a lie straight from the enemy to abuse our children. We wouldn't do these actions of punishment, wrath, anger, hitting, and yelling to anyone else, so why do it to our kids. Non punitive parenting most definitely aligns with scripture. The rod and staff of God comfort us so if your rod of discipline is not bringing comfort to your child then you need to ask yourself what you can be doing differently? Also any hitting, emotional manipulation of a child needs to be repented of. Love your neighbor as yourself, your child is your neighbor so ask yourself next time you punish your child, is this how I'd like to be treated? I bet the answer is no. Stop being lazy and ACTUALLY disciple and teach your kids...
🔥
This is perfect. Thank you. I agree with you on EVERYTHING and I know it steps on a lot of toes…but to parent biblically is to go against the world and the worlds methods. Thank you for sharing and for the encouragement. I’m a mom of 3 wonderful boys (4 and under) and I’m so thankful I have the opportunity to raise men of God and show them the Gospel. Love you guys ❤
I was under the impression gentle parenting was parenting minus emotional or physical abuse 🤷 I agree with most of what Y'all said I just hope you keep in mind developmentally appropriate behavior for children ❤
I doubt they would struggle with that! They are very well educated… if anything they’re better off than most of us!
They did state in the beginning the definition of gentle parenting, and it was not "parenting minus emotional or physical abuse". I think some people might think this is what gentle parenting is and that's why they're pretty cool with it but the "leaders" of the whole gentle parenting movement do not define it as such.
It’s definitely much more than non-abusive parenting! It’s really discipline free parenting that essentially treats children as sinless.
@@kristinas3779 yes 🙌🏻 these two have wisdom beyond their years which you see is a result of Gods way of parenting from their own parents!!
@@rachelclare1398 That’s a point my pastor made when he very recently preached against it.
I loved this! Milena Ciciotti and her husband "as for me and my house" also did a video on this! I am not yet married or with children yet lol, but I do find this content beneficial.
My point of view is that there is benefit in considering and learning about topics such as marriage and parenting before you enter them, then hopefully your mind will be made up on as many fundamental, Biblical principles as possible before going in and therefore make you stronger. :)
In this time we have EVERY TYPE OF RESOURCES for parenting our kids the right way and that is WITH LOVE.
LOVE MEANS:
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
I Corinthians 13:4-7 NKJV
In this time you have NO EXCUSE for hitting your children! There are so many resources how you can discipline your children in the right way that is nontraumatizing, how you can show them boundaries and so on. Everything else ist just your own bad heart and your own laziness because you would rather hit your child then to learn what your child needs right now. It is easy to hit your kid but thats not christlike.
The old testament said something with hitting your child but that was another time! They didn't have the resources we have today! How can unbelievers treat their kids with more love then we who are in the truth of love?
Gentle parenting doesn't mean that you don't teach your kids what sin is. You can teach everything in a age-appropiate manner. But just because you are lazy and you don't want to learn patience you can't abuse God's word and treat your children like objects.
You will just traumatize your kids and they will hate you and God for it! :
Luke 17:1-2 NKJV
What would you do if your partner or pastor or another christian hits you when you are sinning? You would think what is he doing. He can't just hit me. That's not loving, then how you can hit a child that is defenseless? Who will protect that child?
If God is always forgiving your sinning even if you are a adult, how can you treat a little child that isn't even understanding everything that harshly?
Matthew 18:23-35 NKJV
Learn what mercy and love is.
Yes, thank you!!!’❤❤❤
I disagree. A whooping won't kill anyone. Kids know their parents love them. They won't suddenly feel mistreated if whooped when appropriate. We are not talking about abuse of course, but as a parent there will be no sparing of a rod if a rod is needed.
I was raised similarly. My dad would spank me after I disobeyed and we would hug afterwards. He was never angry when he disciplined but I’ve chosen to do things differently with my kids for various reasons. I do want to understand how you came to the conclusion that toddler “tantrums” are sinful? I just don’t understand where or how you came to this conclusion.
I’ve worked in child development for 15 years and it’s well known that 1-2 year olds are learning how to use language to express their emotions. Why would you physically punish a young child who does not have developed communication skills yet?
That's precisely why... because they don't understand verbal communication yet, but they can understand a swat on the butt when they're disobeying. I don't think anyone advocates spanking to get kids to stop showing emotion, but obedience is necessary even at 2, and they can understand a pop on the butt. I have a horse training background and after watching mares nip their foals when they're being too rough with her, I have total peace about swatting my 2 year olds butt when they're kicking at me because they don't want their pants on.
@@shb8212 I was saying that children at that age don’t have verbal skills to communicate things themselves. And this still doesn’t address having a tantrum equals being sinful. Asking a child to put their pants on and hitting them for not doing it? You’re definitely not helping them use skills to communicate their feelings. If we hit them because that’s how they understand the world at that age then I guess you should be ok with them hitting other people because they have verbal skills yet? I don’t understand this logic.
@bethanyryan404 a relationship between a child and parent is different than peer to peer. We have God given authority over our kids, children do not have authority over eachother. Physical discipline can and is loving when done correctly. God physically disciplines people all the time and it is an aspect of loving discipline.
@bethanyryan404 I'd encourage you to read a paper titled Corporal Punishment and Child Adjustment by Katherine Aucoin et al... the notion that the science is clear on this issue is just false... and the science is not measuring what Christian parents are trying to achieve... which is a concept of submission to authority. Spanking should be the last resort and never done in anger and should always be followed by reconciliation and connection. The science does not isolate spanking done within these parameters in their analysis. I have a masters degree and am familiar with how science is done, and I am not convinced that science has appropriately studied the benefits of spanking. Plus at the end of the day, science, if correct, is never going to contradict God's design, if you believe the Bible is truth, then you cannot be against any and all methods of corporal punishment.
@@shb8212 We will have to agree to disagree. Still doesn’t answer my question as to how a toddler not having good communication skills is being taught how to communicate by hitting them. And how is this toddler sinning by doing something they have yet to learn to do?
I am not a fan of the gentle parenting model in general and agree that many of its fundamentals are unbiblical. However, I don't agree with your example that telling a child how it frustrates you to clean up their crumbs off the couch is just emotional manipulation. I agree that our personal feelings as parents shouldn't be their main reason for following the rules. I agree that they should follow our rules because of our God given authority as their parents. However, God also commands us to treat others as we would want them to treat us. And so when a child does something that is inconsiderate of others, like leaving a mess of crumbs behind for someone else to clean up, I don't think there is anything wrong with pointing out to them how their behavior affects those around them so they can better understand how what they are doing is not treating others the way they would want to be treated. I wouldn't call that emotional manipulation. I think that's just teaching a child to be aware of how their actions affect others and that seems very biblical to me.
I hear you on this, and I think their point was just to mention how the further down the slope this line of thinking goes it can just lead to an emotionally manipulative parent. Versus a parent who is residing in that position authority given to them by God in power, love and self-control..
And naturally, we know, there is a way to explain to children, how their actions affect others, and how they should treat others the way they wish to be treated without presenting it as an emotionally charged argument. Which is really what I think they’re talking about.
Yes, I agree children should be able to learn empathy and see that doing certain things cause hurt, and other people we cannot just bear that emotion within ourselves. Yes, we should control it but it’s healthy for children to see others. Have a negative reaction to something that they did that was wrong.
Authoritarian and authoritative are not the same thing. The first one is more on someone with a power-trip or very controlling person. The other is someone who has the authority who is responsible and in charge.
when i saw this title i was nervous you were going to go down a road i didn't agree with but after watching, now i see the reality. Thank you for sharing! I know a lot of worldly people dont want to hear these things.
"Gentle parenting" makes it sound like i should follow it because yes i should be gentle with my children. But as you said those are just weasel words to detract you for what it really is.
Thank you for this. I have two questions! 1- what do you think of Doug Wilson’s distinction between discipline and punishment? He says discipline is what parents do with their children and God does with those he loves - chastisement, correction, but punishment is what the state is required to do and what God does to those who have not repented and turned to Him. He talks about the fact the state has turned to discipline instead of punishment (eg in reducing penalties and having correctional facilities etc instead of biblical punishment for breaking the law).
Secondly - what would you say to those who are raising children with intellectual disabilities? I have a brother in law and an uncle with these difficulties and I personally think children with disabilities can be among the most spoiled, however I’m told that techniques such as distraction etc can be very useful to prevent escalation in which such children (and adults) cannot control themselves. But I don’t know if this is biblical or helpful. I just know my husband’s parents did a great job raising him and seemed to have to do things very differently with his brother.
Please talk to mature believers, and also people who understand brain development… are actually interested in brain development instead of writing it all of as “godless philosophy “, not very young parents on the internet presenting their ideas as the only right way.
Your questions are valid.
So so timely , as a mum of a 2 & 3 year old testing boys , I really appreciate your view on this Thank you so much !
For me, I interpret child training as equally both grace based and obedience based. God's love and wrath, His mercy and judgment, etc. are intertwined. I have tried 100% gentle and I have tried 100% child training and ultimately I find that an equal amount of both are necessary and Christ like. We can use the rod and require obedience while also showing grace and remembering they are children still learning and there is a difference between serious disobedience and things that we personally don't like or find annoying. Children are childish and that doesn't necessarily require strict discipline but maybe a heart connection on how to respect others and social cues. I think our heart knows when each is required when we submit our parenting to the Lord, He will guide our path. Natural consequences are needed sometimes when there is no imminent danger or harm coming because one day we won't be there to watch over them and they need to have some level of autonomous decision making and consequences. But if it is a situation where obedience IS required then that should be communicated and required with a good attitude. I lean more towards child training but I have found lately that grace is needed as well especially as they grow older and can be trusted with more responsibility. I totally get what you both are saying though. Our generation has a large population of children who are suffering from lack of discipline and parents who are too lazy to do the hard, right thing when necessary.
The word discipline comes from the word disciple or teach. Theres root words for these that you must study to truly get the meaning if the bible in Jesus day and language The ROD meant to lovingly guide. This is out of context. Research it. Please STOP this. Violence promotes violence. All you do is instill fear and show your child that violence solves the issue. This is not biblical sadly MANY HAVE BEEN LEAD ASTRAY BY YHIS SCRIPTURE. IT DOES NOT MEAN TO LITERALLY BEAT/SPANK YOUR CHILD. I REPEAT. IT MEANS JUST THE OPPOSITE TO LOVINGLY GUIDE THEM. PLEASE DO YOUR RESEARCH!!!!CHILD ABUSE NEEDS TO STOP
@@Fitgirljourney-e2b I appreciate your care and concern for children, I really do. However, I must disagree with you interpretation of what I am saying (and what I believe NTWAF is saying as well.) I am aware that discipline is related to disciple and that it connects to teaching etc. I do not beat my child ever. When they are doing something willfully disobedient, even when they know it is wrong, I will communicate with them and at most give a couple spanks on the butt, and then communicate more that we are the parents and we do mean what we say. The verse is very clear to say that the rod will not kill them ie; no beating or abuse but it will save them from damnation and further trouble. We will also give a light switch to the fingers of little ones if they are doing something dangerous such as trying to touch a hot stove, or grabbing things that we have clearly explained are off limits but we don't hit and we don't switch any harder than a light sting. None of that is child abuse. It is better to have children who are obedient and understand boundaries and consequences and the entire family functions peacefully then to have children that are unruly, with stressed out parents and children who ultimately will have a harder time submitting to authority and respecting God's safe boundaries too. But we must all do what we think is best for our families and pray to God that He guides our ways as I mentioned above.
Thanks for the video Elisha and Katie even if I don’t agree with you. If you want to dig deeper in the Christian gentle parenting please consider reading Jesus, the gentle parent by L R Knost and all her books, also the Sally Clarkson books and the Discipline that Connects with your Childs Heart by Lynn and Jim Jackson. I found they are scriptural and very inspirational. For me gentle parenting is not all what you quoted Katie, but accepting their sinful nature and loving them anyway and pointing them to Jesus, who died when we were still sinners. From this conversation I really missed the Jesus I see in the New Testament, who said be little and who led by example not by exercising His authority.
Absolutely!
yes!! Thank you for pointing them to wholistic resources for parenting that present multiple angles.
I found it misleading and disturbing how this episode presented everyone who doesn’t spank their kids
kids (or mavbe just spanks their kids for rare things not as the magic, only fix) into the same boat. It's sad that someone with a platform didn't take the time to accurately present multiple sides of the issue of parenting biblically, and have the openness to recognize that everyone who doesn't believe the proverbs verses that are written in the context of striking young men on the back apply to babies and toddlers are following some godless parenting guru. It's a tendency for us young parents who are convinced we were raised the only Biblical way to not be willing to take in different opinions, and to accept that there's much gray area in the practicalities of raising children. But we have Gods holy spirit to guide moment by moment. Unfortunately, our human nature craves formulas, thus so many latch on to spanking as the formula and then think they're superior. Plus to admit that maybe spanking is not the magic way can also make us have to admit being spanked negatively impacts us, as having your parents hit you when you're too young to understand inevitably creates attachment issues. Which we then pass on to our children if we don’t actually examine the way we were raised and its impact on us.
Yes, thank you!
I agree with all you said. I must confess I kind of fell for this ideology at the very beginning of my moherhood journey. As a new mom I was attracted to this philosophy because it sounds loving. Thankfully my little girl was only a baby and I quickly realized this is not Biblical. It helped to see all the problems that have risen in society. How people are easily offended, sin is tolerated because it's the "loving" thing to do. Authority is rejected and so many other issues. By this time my little one was a little older, around three years old. Obedience and attitude issues had to be addressed and I found myself having to discilpine her. And so I went to the Word of God to see what God says about discipline, and of course it is completely different. Thank you so much for discussing this! It's an important topic in the parenting community. 🙏💕
Proud of you two, there’s I’m sure a lot of controversy over this and I could tell you weren’t super excited to talk about this topic 😂 but thank you for speaking on this
I think that podcast just shows that everybody will just parent the way they learned it from their own parents in one form or another. So just let go of all the comparing and overthinking and everybody go and live their own best lives. As long as you don’t truly hurt anybody by that, you’re going to be fine.
Absolutely 🌟
This will probably not get seen, but I don’t see any other comments like this so I’m going to contribute.
The stronger points of this episode were focusing on the hierarchy, emphasizing the whole gospel and need for salvation, and refuting the “that can be abusive” point.
The weaker points were cherry picking quotes and examples without citing, the colorful commentary that was added, and how it was framed as though that represents the other side of the spectrum fairly. In part it did, but a LOT of it didn’t. And I say that as someone who walked away from the gentle parenting circles 3.5 years ago. Another weakness was, yes, partially reading the Word through western eyes.
I agree with what you’ve shared and I ‘m interested in how you discipline your children? I’ve looked into gentle parenting and even joined groups and children were endangering themselves and parents were allowing them to do so in order for them to experience the natural consequence.
The hard part is that natural consequences often hurt everyone else except the kids raised permissively, as those kids haven’t learned discernment and empathy to realize how self centered they become when they rule the roost.
@@-living4jesus4ever- I have a hard time with “natural consequences” because of the aforementioned in your comment. I’d rather it not get to that point. I’m genuinely curious what forms of discipline the family that runs this podcasts leans into.
I appreciate this video so much! I am a fairly new parent and I have struggled with the right way to understand parenting. I was not raised in a Christian home so I did not have any foundation of what biblical parenting looked like. My husband and I am often butt heads with how to best parent our three year old son. I picked up a few positive discipline books to read but never considered that these books were not biblical based nor were the authors. So I appreciate your honesty and practical advice on this matter!
Hi! I can totally relate. I was not raised in a Christian home either. “Shepherding a Child’s Heart” by Tedd Tripp was a game changer in understanding the issues of the heart and how to approach from a biblical perspective.
As a new mom to a 1 1/2 year old son with another baby boy on the way, I have been praying for wisdom and discernment when it comes to lovingly disciplining my children. I have been searching the internet, books, asking my pediatrician and they all lean toward the gentle parenting approach. But you have reminded me that I’ve been searching in all the wrong places. GODS WORD is where I should be searching for answers on this topic so thank you for providing specific verses. I was feeling overwhelmed and confused on what to do and was asking God for help and guidance and this was the first video that popped up when I pulled up RUclips. So thank you for stepping out in faith and sharing your thoughts!!!
Thank you both so much for this video. I needed to listen to this today. I felt very convicted after listening. I’ve been praying on how to discipline my 2 year old and have been asking God for clarity and this is like a breath of fresh air to hear, especially since now this whole gentle parenting is on the rise and makes the rest of us feel guilty when it comes to disciplining our kids. ❤ God bless you guys and thank you so much for being honest and speaking from the Word of God.
This has been misunderstood sadly. Do your research. It means the opposite of hurting.The sheep were not beaten with the rod. "Sparing the rod" in that sense, means that a parent must lovigly guide his or her child and teach the child right from wrong with love. Spanking is not biblical. When you research and study the words and meaning in jesus language and day and the truth will set you free
Please please don’t spank your 2 year old. You are the authority figure in their life. They should obey you because God places you over them, and they should honor you. But corporal punishment is never how Jesus would have “disciplined” small children. He was always gentle with children. The verse “spare the rod” refers to a rod of correction that Shepard’s used to lead their sheep back to the flock. They never would have beat (or spanked) the sheep with it! Baptist/fundamentalists have greatly misinterpreted this and other verses about child rearing. We are training and guiding them, not breaking their spirits! Please do more research on this topic and don’t take advice from someone unless they are walking through what it looks like to spank their children and it sits well in your heart to use your power over them like that. They don’t even understand what “sin” is yet! A 2 year old is likely not even at the age of accountability where they could even accept Jesus into their hearts and be convicted by the Holy Spirit.
@Afj684 In case you missed their refutation of your argument with Proverbs 23:13, I have reproduced the verse below: “Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die.” (ESV). There are no word gymnastics that can get around that. Of course we discipline in love and not in anger. For certain children corporal discipline is very effective and withholding that discipline would be unloving.
@reywalker5951 Solomon for all his respected wisdom, is not greater than Jesus Christ whose ways are always perfect.
Wow so good!! I've never heard this subject specifically addressed. You two articulated it very well.
In agreement 100% thank you for being bold and posting this during this time in this culture
Guys thank you so much for recording this.
love the boldness to speak on this topic. 100% agree! you can tell a total difference even when encountering strangers if they are in control or their children are. it’s tangible. and it gives toddlers bad reps to young people looking to maybe have children and thinking they don’t want that. i don’t blame them bc that is an exhausting way to parent. Gods ways are always better!
My mom always said if you put in the hard work disciplining toddlers right away and teaching them that their are consequences for their actions, it make the ages 4 and beyond so much easier. My mom's ultimate goal was to have children that other adults enjoyed being around. She wasn't super strict, but she and my dad raised us with an understanding that they were in charge. For a child this is very stabilizing and comforting, which overall leads to a happier family life.
Thank you so much for this… I agree if everything that was said here. It’s easy to start feeling alone in biblical parenting when everyone around is “gentle parenting” … gentle parenting never set well with me even when I watched videos thinking maybe I would change my mind about it. Thanks for confirming everything with Bible versus. ♥️
This has been misunderstood sadly. Do your research. It means the opposite of hurting.The sheep were not beaten with the rod. "Sparing the rod" in that sense, means that a parent must lovigly guide his or her child and teach the child right from wrong with love. Spanking is not biblical. When you research and study the words and meaning in jesus language and day and the truth will set you free
@Afj684 In case you missed their refutation of your argument with Proverbs 23:13, I have reproduced the verse below: “Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die.” (ESV). There are no word gymnastics that can get around that.
I love you guys- this was one of my FAVORITE episodes- you opened my eyes to many things as a Christian mama. I have a lot to work on as a parent- thank you both ♥️♥️🙏🙏
Thank you so much for this!! Wow!! You've confirmed my feeling. I've battled what I felt what was right vs. What the world was saying.
I'm so thankful for these deep, controversial videos because they are the topics ive been wrestling with.
I am a single mama of 2. I was far from God most his life but God is good and he saved both my now 18 year old son & myself! All glory to God! I am so grateful for the prayers of my grandmother & mama. I desperately want to raise my youngest with Jesus. I grew up in church and can’t wait to homeschool and teach my 3 year old the Bible. We have started some but I am just leaning into this conviction. Please pray for me, I am almost 40, single and on disability ( have been my whole adult life) now praying into going back to work in order to afford to live or stay home and move everyone under one roof at my parents home. So I can care for them as they age & afford to stay home with my baby. God bless ❤
I know you guys are gonna get some heat for this video but wow. This is a large dose of truth and reality and I am refreshed. My flesh even winced at what was said which was a clear indicator to me that what I’m hearing was true. Thank you for preaching 🙌🏼 my spirit as a Christian mother feels encouraged and refreshed
There are a lot of wise people who are Christians and a lot of wise people who are not. Also, respect is not a one way street. We will only gain our child's true respect by showing them we respect them and their feelings. We still will be steering the ship but I think it is important to show the respect to them that you would like in return. Also, I would encourage you all not to make fun of people who are not Christian. All the best on your parenting journey 🌈💜✨
Yes 🙌 this verse that they brought up was crucial to the whole message about disciplining in love Ephesians 6:4: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
As a Christ Follower, mother, and now nanny…I approve this message. Teaching young children about Christ Jesus and how to reflect His love, how to pray, and also the biblical authority “umbrella” of God over all, Daddy second, then Mommy over children, is the most impactful thing you can do. It makes for a solid foundation where children feel loved, secure, and safe. Children THRIVE with boundaries. Simply and calmly communicate them and consistently enforce them. And always remember, you’re not raising boys and girls but future men and women. These kids do not belong to us but are entrusted in our care! They are a blessing that should be nurtured and cared for! 💝
I haven't read through the comments yet, maybe you are already bringing it up here, but I have a question, since you are ahead of me, my oldest is 3. How do you address a heart issue with a 3 year old?
You discipline which means to teach, and be the example. You also understand that they are literally only 3. You can use play and story telling to help with this.
28:37 Kids already know this through their experience of not getting what they want, being held to boundaries. We honestly don’t necessarily need to add anything to their life to help them figure this out.
Yes
This is exactly what I was praying about ! Thank you for sharing !
So good! It very clarifying! I agreed with everything you said , I didn’t actually realize how far the gentle parenting went in the wrong direction! It was even convicting to me to be way more consistent in my disciple and not feel bad about doing it. To feel confident that this is God’s way and not neglect it because of my emotions!
Theres root words for these that you must study to truly get the meaning if the bible in Jesus day and language The ROD meant to lovingly guide. This is out of context. Research it. Please STOP this. Violence promotes violence. All you do is instill fear and show your child that violence solves the issue. This is not biblical sadly MANY HAVE BEEN LEAD ASTRAY BY YHIS SCRIPTURE. IT DOES NOT MEAN TO LITERALLY BEAT/SPANK YOUR CHILD. I REPEAT. IT MEANS JUST THE OPPOSITE TO LOVINGLY GUIDE THEM. PLEASE DO YOUR RESEARCH!!!!CHILD ABUSE NEEDS TO STOP
Why do you think you “feel bad doing it.” Spanking is never the way Jesus would have disciplined children. He was always gentle with children. Once children are old enough to understand their need for a savior, they will accept the Lord into their life and be convicted by the Holy Spirit. And until then, we model the behavior we want to see and use consequences that fit the “crime” instead of using corporal punishment. The only time spanking we be the most fitting punishment is when we are too tired or angry to come up with something more appropriate, and then we’re in the wrong! Please reconsider and don’t use the Bible as defense for spanking your children.
Can you explain the Bible verse that teach to use a“ a rod and reproof” ?
God chastise us too and His word say it will be grievous for us,
Is it me who is changing God’s Word or you?
@@lenafreeze7131 God does punish, sometimes in very grievous ways, but throughout scripture, God (and Jesus when he was on earth) only used corporal punishment and righteous anger against adults, people in power, wicked nations, etc. Never against children.
I'm a Catholic convert (ex-Protestant) and I practice gentle parenting. Its takes a lot of reading, implentation, prayer, bible reading and research to fully comprehend it. Our family moved from punitive parenting to gentle parenting about 5 years ago and I would say we're only just starting to get a grasp of it now. Yes, you're correct in saying the parents are the authority in our children's lives, purely because our children are a gift from God on loan to us. We're responsible for them, and one day we will answer to God for how we raised them. Authority is the structure God put in place for protection and justice, not control. Gentle parenting isn't saying there is no authority structure. It's simply saying HOW to implement that authority structure in a respectful, caring, loving, compassionate and empathetic way. This involves techniques such as letting children have a say through family democracy meetings, natural consequences rather than punishments such as time outs and smacking. Instead of trying to control a childs behaviour through rewards and punishments, gentle parenting aims to guide and shepherd a child's heart so they make good choices, learn to self-regulate and navigate difficult situations through an internal compass rather than external controls. I encourage you and anyone else who disagrees with gentle parenting to reseach it more before rejecting it completely.
Just read the title and I have to say THANK YOU for addressing this. So many Christians have been doing this when God’s Word has clearly said to use the rod.
I respectfully disagree. I don’t agree with spanking a child. The verses in proverbs are taken out of context and misinterpreted.
I do agree that children need discipline. But punishment is not discipline. Setting healthy boundaries is and allowing space for children to learn natural consequences for negative behavior. Also creating an environment that encourages positive behavior.
There are plenty of peer reviewed scientific journals with evidence that corporal/punitive discipline is harmful to children in the long term.
Punishment/spanking is only convenient for the parent to put THEM at ease. It is OUR job as parents to understand our children’s needs and development.
Based on my observations, it seems that many parents have been bullied into gentle parenting. We currently live in a society that demands "kindness" above all else. This in some ways can be helpful in order for a society to thrive, but in other ways, this standard can be suffocating. This standard has gone beyond being nice to people and has morphed into a sense that to be "kind" you cannot rock the boat or have a dissenting opinion. Behind the veneer of people going along to get along is the suffocation of strict conformity. Our society encourages affirmation and validation over uncomfortable truths. It is no wonder that this attitude has also permeated parenting styles. Wielding authority or disapproval over a children's actions may be seen in some circles as abusive behavior. For that reason, parents are encouraged to negotiate with their children or speak softly to them, for fear of "offending" or "scarring" the child.
Children are assumed to have an equal intellectual understanding as a fully grown adult. This completely ignores child psychology and basic human evolution. Little children start out with only their basic instincts, almost like little animals. They must be taught about what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior in a fully functioning and thriving society. In other words, they must be civilized. This can only be done effectively if you as the parent take the role as leader and guide in a child's life. That doesn't mean you have to yell or spank, but you have to show you are in control and be firm in your guidance. You can still be very loving, but the child must understand who is in charge. Otherwise, if you don't provide boundaries and guidance, you will find your household will more often be in chaos, making everyone miserable. Overall, it will be stabilizing and comforting for a child to know that you are the leader, that you have everything under control, and you will ultimately be there for them in a loving way.
Yes!! Gentle parenting is a form of parentification which a classic sign of a narcissistic parent. These narc parents want the benefits of being a parent (admiration, connection, family, love, cultural acceptance) with none of the responsibility because they lack emotional maturity.
I have never felt peace about adopting gentle parenting and I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who's discerning that this is leading us away from biblical parenting.
25:29 Elisha what you're saying here about the child thinking "oh I misunderstood, clearly I wasn't the problem", this totally goes along with culture today, people feeling entitled and like they are never at fault or responsible for their own actions, but rather that the issue was that things weren't set up perfectly for them. 🤯