God Dr Ramani is a raging c. She suffers from worse conditions than she accuses BPD folks of having. She defines narcissist, for example. I’d rather be BPD than a narcissist 8 days a week. (The narcissist is weak, the BPD is unknowing. There IS a difference.)
@@LibertyCairde I wouldn't necessarily trust an account which seems to exist only to spam mental health comment sections with advertisements, but with very little details of who they are & what they do exactly. Could be a well-meaning effort. Could be someone trying to take advantage. The big promises without much details style is not a good sign.
Just found out about this disorder a while ago, explains everything in my life, why I can't hold friendships and always withdraw, why I never had a boyfriend, ect ... I guess I really have to force myself to engage more to "train this muscle" . Thanks for talking about this
@@GhislaineMutombo oh really? how does "my type" ruin lives? that's such a mean and ignorant thing to say. do you say that to people with depression, borderline, ect as well? because all these people make having a relationship harder. doesn't mean we don't deserve one.
Me too! APD has wrecked my life. Sadly, I'm 46 & alone because of it! Hope that things in your world are better! Please feel free to contact me to BS & talk if you'd like. I understand & care. Hope things are looking up for you & yours! You're terrific! =]
I haven't heard of this before until yesterday. I watched the video explaining the 7 sign of avoidant personality and as I was listening I was having flash backs of certain moments and my whole life started to make sense after spending years trying to figure out what was wrong with me. The ironic thing is now I'm debating whether or not to get professional help because if I do I feel like they won't believe me and I'll be back to square one..
No, they will believe you. Therapist studied about pattern, and if you tell them something about your problems they will know how to make you recover. They will know the pattern they studied from what you tell them, and from knowing your pattern they will give you proper treatment.
I've struggled with extreme anxiety and inadequacy for my entire life, iv never knew what was wrong with me. never wanted help either because getting help is an admission of being non-normative and for People Like Us non-normality is embarrassing. I finally got the courage to get help and I'm so glad I did because I understand my condition and I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest. I feel a lot better knowing there's people out there who are struggling like I am. Just remember people like us are our biggest critics all the negative thoughts need to be fuckin ignored. Seriously they need to be fucking ignored. Don't let someone else's highlight reel be your blooper reel
@@MademannTeddy Same. I got fired from my last job for too many absences. I was worried I'd do a worse job than no job so I just wouldn't show up some days.
I actually hate this bc it means that my progress can fall back if I don't exercise. It also means that I will always have to put hard work into it and can never relax and be like others. It means I will always have to face my problems and will never be able to function without exercising. I hate this. When I've gone through years of therapy I want my progress to STAY. But this is never going to happen.
I have a lot of those traits too. I think Asperger’s might make us more vulnerable to trauma and predispose to avoidance or at least social anxiety. And those could relate to the daydreaming as well.
So true. It was only recently a few backs that the asperger did come out at an adult age when reflecting over and over 'what is wrong with me'. The not fitting in, decision paralysis, failing miserably in relations and specially escape to daydreaming all now made sense and felt like a relief. . Makes me feel less lonely to know that there are others who relate on same levels.Thankyou and appreciate Dr Ramani !
Do you know that C-PTSD can manifest as other disorders including ADHD and Borderline? There is a guy who said I have been diagnosed with 10 disorders before finally being diagnosed with C-PTSD. Why C-PTSD is so tricky? Because it hits three majors parts of the brain, Prefrontal Cortex, Hippocampus, and Amygdala.
People with APD just need to live a quiet, simplified life. There is no fully unwiring the twists and turns of a personality disorder once it has been set into the person, but there are ways to prevent the tendency from becoming destructive. APD is one of those disorders that doesn't really hurt other people as much as it hurts the person who has it. But I think it's a disorder with a lot of hope for improvement. You won't ever feel like you can interact 'normally', but eventually you'll begin to be able to come out of your shell again enough to not be paralyzed. Knowing what to hope for specifically can make it worth fighting to get some kind of treatment, because left untreated, you are just throwing your life away.
It does absolutely hurt others when they're trying to build a connection with you. Imagine if it was your other half/spouse and they're trying to figure things out and communicate with you. It's frustrating on both sides and it ultimately destroys the relationship because it's not being built on trust and communication which are one of the most important qualities in a relationship to thrive long term.
@@xlx077 I know that it hurts other people...but it's not active abuse in the same sense of a cluster B disorder. Someone with the disorder is not going to go out of their way to interact with you unless you made them feel safe. Most APD's, including myself, mostly have given up on building new relationships, or approach them with extreme caution with past problems at the forefront. Someone with the disorder often ends up feeling enmeshed with people who are too forward...part of that is basic introversion/extroversion, but some of it is an inability to correctly perceive and weigh threats. APD is a disorder that overwhelmingly affects introverts.
I agree. I know it’s hurt my family and wasteful of my own life. Some people think I need to force myself to be more social, but I think that’s a terrible idea. I’d be happy with a simple life. I think this fixation on social things is part of the problem. I just want to be less cowardly and not let fear of judgment stop my doing what I want.
@@ryk6207 The insight I got was that I had just been overfilled with the stupid and incorrect opinions of other people, and I was trying so hard to please them and not be embarrassed over being awkward. But then I realized I was comparing my own strengths to the weaknesses of certain other people. Those strengths being, I could be highly empathic and understanding, and not judgmental towards others, giving other strength and emotional support. And bringing some joy and sunshine by being funny and uninhibited (at least before the personality disorder got solidified and I became much more inhibited). I will always be somewhat inhibited now, but I learned to go back and retrieve some of the positive things that I had wrongly assumed were negative traits. And I'm not nearly afraid as much now to just go ahead and get the hard things done even when I am feeling particularly rough. It takes a Herculean effort, but I remind myself that the consequences of not taking action are worse than the temporary discomfort.
my guy bill, i kindly wanna add, we r what we believe. wtvr we believe, then we’ll be limited to that. eliminate beliefs and u’ll be left w just us, just who we r. and who we r is free, and capable of free, no matter What it is we’re possibly going thru. love my guy
You're good. Unfortunately I was judged by doctors as well. So that is why I've read so many books that explain avoidnat personality disorder ans styles of attachments in relationships. I am secure in friendships but fearful or dismissove avoidant in relationships. I was judged so many times in my life even by my parrners and that is why I'm hiding parts of myself.
@@ruralaura Hey Rural :) i dont know if JM meant the the book " Attached: Are you Anxious, Avoidant or Secure? How the science of adult attachment can help you find - and keep - love" but it seems to be a populair one :)
I really thank you for sharing information on this personality disorder. I feel relieved I finally have a name for something that explains the feelings and actions I do.
Thank you for bringing attention to this disorder. Even though I've been doing incredibly well for many years, I still would love to have a therapist to fall back onto sometimes. Especially in very difficult situations such as (romantic) rejection. Unfortunately, mental health care in Sweden isn't nearly as good as it should be and you need to either be at the verge of suicide, or pay a very expensive private counselor before getting any help.
Thannnk you for once again featuring 'our' Dr. Ramani discussing further important topics. I appreciate that all things narcissism is the doctor's specialty, but I am so very fortunate to have always, since late 20's, avoided all such people with traits of such.
i have avoidant personality disorder.. started w social anxiety then led to avoidance… depressed, suicidal. in my heart, in my brain, i’ve been blessed to have something instilled in my spirit when i was young. EVERY SPIRIT IS FREE. no matter WHAT we go thru, no matter how HARD Our Situation and how EXTREME it could possibly be. i PROMISE, we r MEANT to be Free so we r CAPABLE of being Free. i’m still in my journey but there’s no doubt we will make it out. wether is lifetimes or however long, we’re capable and we WILL Be Free. Les Keep Going Family, We Got This 💪🏼💪🏼🤍🤍
I love the positive energy youre talking my dude! Thats something I struggle to tap into with the depression and isolation. Hope we figure out how to break out of this self imposed cage and can live a life full of people and love
@@unknowntosociety01 my guy, Jose, if u Love the positive energy is bcs u Have that Positive Energy Living in U. there’s a reason why when we go thru the worse of the worse in our journey, we can cry and cry, and be like “Why!!”… yet we don’t wanna give up. our Vibrant Heart and Spirit, will be what Liberates us, let’s keep going my Brother 🤞🏼🤍
i started recording, documenting my journey intending to liberate from AvPD, if anyone wants to check out the vids, join, just be as a community talking abt it, i’d love to connect thru this 🙏🏼🤍
Thats a funny condition to live by, because i have an avoidant personality disorder, sometimes i feel im lacking of a social bubble and when im on my own i feel a relief of just being me grabbing munchies or a good book music and webseries it kinda feels good but there's more added to life so if we are connect throughout the world we need to feel our chests and go after connection for our sake
I really would love to go to a therapist (i have so many problems lol...traumatic childhood, avoidant personality disorder, anxiety, etc) . But i live in germany and if u dont pay a lot of money (which i dont have) u need to wait 6 months - 12 months before u can get on the waiting list. And then u wait more 6 months. And then u realise this therapist is not the right for you. And there u go again with waiting 1 1/2 year for starting a new therapy. I try to help myself somehow but i really wish for a lot of people that there would be better waiting times than this.
Introvert with avoidant personality but totally happy about it! I quite simply can’t bothered with people in general. Guess I would make a good hermit.
This is interesting… typically people with AvPD desire social interaction deeply but cannot overcome their fears of rejection. I’m an introvert with AvPD and although I do often find myself happier alone, I cannot deny my longing for a connection with others.
Getting certified as a behavioral sleep coach. So much research on how better sleep improves mental health in people with mental illness. Doesn't cure it. Makes it easier to do the things that keep you out of the hospital.
Happy with APD since 1983. No friends, no grilfriends, no society, and a lot of time for reading books. Embrace your APD, but if it causes you trouble, go and see the doctor.
To Simon...I love your outlook. It reminds me of an ancient Chinese poem: Ask me why I stay on Green Mountain I smile and do not respond My heart is at ease Plum blossoms on flowing water Slip away into the distance This is a world apart Which is not of mankind
Yeah, that's how I also like it. Why society always wants us to go against our nature? I'm so happy when I'm alone without expectations put on me. I do admit I'd be happy with a Discord of people like us though, having some people who understand each other to talk to from time to time without feeling judged would be a blessing.
Thank you for going live today. Thank you Dr Ramani I study, follow here and move past setbacks. Dr S, Dr Judy, Jenny, OMGOSH and your program for narcissism recovery!! 💜💙💚💛🧡💯🛐🎨🎨🎨🎨🎨My art returned. I returned to more treatment it's a excerise for me to be more present in the now. Mind and soul progression.
If I take my clonazapam I can leave the house and shop for food, drive in traffic and other things you do by yourself...but without it, I can't leave my house. I know this doesn't make me any psychological progress but at least I can fulfill my caregiver duties for my mama. I have never been unemployed in my whole life until this last year. I have to have my meds, mother's care, the house flowing well before I go back to work. It's really hard
My ex is an example of a "cold avoidant" in its most extreme way. He is unable to express any physical positive feelings, a part from towards babies and cats. I remember watching him stroking the cat, and hoping for at least a warm glance, but no, nothing. He avoided to look at me, talk to me, discuss anything, never a cuddle, no physical contact, it was if I was invisible. It was arctic. Ice cold. Now that I have left him, I see it clearly, but I was so determined to keep our family intact, and we have four kids (yes, he did actually take the first step at a party 40 years ago, I think he was desperate, and then we had four kids in six years), so I was extremely occupied doing that. I was a bit AvPD myself, and there was a lot of trauma bonding between us. I nearly died before I got away. I'm going back in my own tracks, trying to understand it.
I am 55 yrs old. I seem to have some disorder that I have tried to avoid most of life and I am now facing life with nothing and no one to help. I have lost my job, my home, all my money, my kids don't really talk to me. I don't drive anymore. I have no way to function, and I don't know what my problem is? Life is scary stuff for certain.
Take heart John. I was older than you when I found myself in a similar situation. Often these breakdowns become a breakthrough. Take good care of yourself and keep on truckin.
God Dr Ramani is a raging c. She suffers from worse conditions than she accuses BPD folks of having. She defines narcissist, for example. I’d rather be BPD than a narcissist 8 days a week. (The narcissist is weak, the BPD is unknowing. There IS a difference.)
I am in exactly the same position. My daughter came back into my life last fall and I've been helping her out. She was supposed to get a big government check she claimed and I believed her she went through my whole savings in my bank account. I begged her to help me out with this I just absolutely freeze and I've been avoidant I was diagnosed 25 years ago this is the worst it's ever been. I wouldn't look at my bank account I wouldn't look at or answer any calls I avoided everybody I still do I won't look at things on the internet as far as finding a job. I'm going to end up right out on the street if I don't do anything and I begged her to help me just come and make some phone calls for me or sit with me please and help me and she refuses to do it she took off and has no intentions of paying me back now. I've never in my life asked for help I just absolutely cannot ask for help. Part of what made it so bad I think is she is extremely emotionally abusive and I was in a very abusive marriage for a long time physical and emotional. I also had a very abusive mother when I was little and I've been estranged from my mother for about 15 years. Also I was seeing a guy who did not treat me very well he played a lot of games and he manipulated me a lot. I really have a hard time finding anyone I connect with one in a thousand it seems like and I'm so lonely but the thought of going out and meeting people is something I just don't want to do. My fiance died 5 years ago and I've just gotten lonely and lonelier. I even do my laundry in the middle of the night now I live in an apartment building. My rent is two and a half months past due and I spend a lot of time blocking out the anxiety I avoid that too. My daughter kept saying dumb b**** don't pay your rent we can get assistance from the government and I'll help you do it well I'm not sure I can get it now. At this point I kind of just want to fall asleep if I can and not wake up. I know what you mean about functioning John. When I don't have anyone to take care of I don't function very well.
@@avalonisland I am sorry to hear of your troubles. I feel the same way. I am frozen. I want to be away from all the world. I am not sure what I can do? I am 55 and quite afraid. I hope things go better for you very soon.
Could AVPD get worse after a traumatic event? I found I have been more avoidant since losing my husband to cancer 3 years ago. It has gotten so bad I don’t want to leave my house unless I have to.
Social Anxiety will cause panic attacks in certain situations, such as giving speech. AvPD will prevent you from socializing with people in the first place lol.
I'd love to know if you want to sleep and set times to go to sleep and wake up yet you can't fall asleep or suffer with insomnia... how do you tackle that..?? would taking something to help aid in sleep or meditation or something be okay. I want to sleep but I really struggle falling asleep and staying asleep even if I'm listening to something. X
The moment I know I have to be up at a certain time i lose the ability to sleep that night. If i do manage to sleep, it's at most an hour before my alarm and I just straight sleep though it. I've been fired from jobs because of this. No idea how to tackle it i just wanted to vent.
Doesn't sound like AVPD. Do you struggle with social interactions? Do you avoid social situations because the idea of being criticized or embarrassed is too much already? Do you have difficulty maintaining a job? These are the questions you should ask yourself. Talk with a doctor or psychologist to get a professional opinion
@@maebunny5298 sadly, yes to all of those questions. Especially if it’s family-related gatherings. I get so embarrassed that everyone is doing well, except me
Pretty much. Basically you have an immense fear of being criticized, shamed, or embarrassed by others so you try to minimize social interactions as much as possible. This leads to not being able to hold a job, maintain friendships, and relationships
Dr. Ramani, Have you ever delved into anosognosia for methods to achieve medication compliance. We have been struggling with this for two decades. Any suggestions or references to studies would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for all your insight.
They are totally different people.. one is there to get you to destroy you to give them satisfaction… the avoidant isn’t here to destroy you, it’s just that their condition affects you despite them not willing to hurt you.
What if my fear is being murdered by a family member, a stranger, or a psychopath?... If you're a psychopath, I don't think all psychopaths are bad and that everyone wants to murder me... Maybe I don't have the courage to be disliked or I fear judgment, but it's more because maybe I'll mysteriously die in my sleep, I sometimes volunteer and put myself into uncomfortable situations, maybe public speaking or teaching, I can face my fears but sometimes I get the feeling of putting myself or a part of myself into a lions mouth. I understand that people do it regardless in judging, criticizing, and so on but I just don't wanna put myself in their purview for them to do that all the time... If I could wear a mask for the rest of my life, like a superhero (Batman) or an actor I probably would, that way they can judge the mask even though I'm the one behind it in a sort of detached and anonymous way just like with the Satoshi Nakamoto situation and bitcoin... I'll probably come back and delete this comment after I get some insight...
I'd say let it all out and just let it be there. I don't know of your situation, just wanted to say being in physical danger is not a psychological issue. Regardless, you are allowed to keep yourself safe. It is courageous to put yourself out there and face your fears. Honestly, not everyone out there is willing and able to go that far. When you gain insight, I hope you can let your comment stand. Just stand on its own. Just be there. It can stand the test of time. And if it's not you, it is at least a reflection of you. I see nothing to be ashamed of.
Can avoident display be caused by an intellectual disability with ASD? Can it come from abuse, bullying being inept due to disabilities? Can it remit as one becomes elderly with dementia? Thank you for your information.
It is an empowering force multiplier against destructive negativity provided one is fully aware of what it is. It is a form of energy that fortifies one’s self image provided the confidence it instills is used for the benefit of mankind first & the self secondly.
I had to leave my husband because he had this disorder. He's happier without me. That kinda smarts. And I know he'll never marry again. He should never have married in the first place.
Be careful! If you happen to recover and live a normal life, then isolated yourself for whatever reason, all the symptoms will relapse back. This disorder is not treatable. Your personality is immutable.
True!!! Ive had moments, little windows of being able to be around familiar people and joke around that always last too little and am back locking myself up in my room
No mate That’s not true. Don’t you dare try to erase peoples hope. Not that you could. It is treatable and overcomable. Personality is mostly constant but changeable with great effort and resilience to old patterns.
This is nothing short of offensive. AvPd is extremely debilitating. Most of us do not have jobs or healthy relationships or the ability to hold routines. Disgusting! You should be ashamed!
Parents abandon you siblings die friends lie to you and women cheat on you. What to push thew let them all stay away.screw all of them I’m better off alone!!!
I never called a personnel trainer for anything, never called a doctor for nothing (unless mandatory for a deployment). I handled my own business and kicked ass
Well, congratulations… sure you don’t see asking for help as a sign of weakness since it u it isn’t. One day you might have PTSD and I hope you’d be strong and smart enough to ask the VA for the appropriate help.
Oh stop this or get off my RUclips I love my life just the way it is so talk about this too other people because I love my life and I love my family members but who wants stragglers not me
i started recording, documenting my journey intending to liberate from AvPD, if anyone wants to check out the vids, join, just be as a community talking abt it, i’d love to connect thru this 🙏🏼🤍
@@christinarodriguez7241 We Honestly Do! im Intending on Creating Something too, to really have us all together. i know this journey is probably one of THE Toughest Ones… Christina as a friend that relates, i’m here as well w u. sending the most Love 🖤
Coping strategies are one thing: discover the therapies that work for avoidant personality disorder HERE: *bit.ly/3sXBSD0*
God Dr Ramani is a raging c. She suffers from worse conditions than she accuses BPD folks of having. She defines narcissist, for example. I’d rather be BPD than a narcissist 8 days a week. (The narcissist is weak, the BPD is unknowing. There IS a difference.)
The link doesn’t work.
@@LibertyCairde I wouldn't necessarily trust an account which seems to exist only to spam mental health comment sections with advertisements, but with very little details of who they are & what they do exactly. Could be a well-meaning effort. Could be someone trying to take advantage. The big promises without much details style is not a good sign.
Just found out about this disorder a while ago, explains everything in my life, why I can't hold friendships and always withdraw, why I never had a boyfriend, ect ... I guess I really have to force myself to engage more to "train this muscle" . Thanks for talking about this
💗
No , just stay by yourself… don’t put innocent ppl through being forced. Just go about your way
He’s forcing himself not other people.
Stay alone, your type ruin lives.
@@GhislaineMutombo oh really? how does "my type" ruin lives? that's such a mean and ignorant thing to say. do you say that to people with depression, borderline, ect as well? because all these people make having a relationship harder. doesn't mean we don't deserve one.
I'm so TIRED of being afraid.
Me too! APD has wrecked my life. Sadly, I'm 46 & alone because of it! Hope that things in your world are better! Please feel free to contact me to BS & talk if you'd like. I understand & care. Hope things are looking up for you & yours! You're terrific! =]
I haven't heard of this before until yesterday. I watched the video explaining the 7 sign of avoidant personality and as I was listening I was having flash backs of certain moments and my whole life started to make sense after spending years trying to figure out what was wrong with me. The ironic thing is now I'm debating whether or not to get professional help because if I do I feel like they won't believe me and I'll be back to square one..
No, they will believe you. Therapist studied about pattern, and if you tell them something about your problems they will know how to make you recover. They will know the pattern they studied from what you tell them, and from knowing your pattern they will give you proper treatment.
It’s always worth a shot 💗
'"what is wrong with me" - this forever long self haunt!
I wish I could write a song and express how that feeling had been :)
You should go get help because someone will believe you..
I've struggled with extreme anxiety and inadequacy for my entire life, iv never knew what was wrong with me. never wanted help either because getting help is an admission of being non-normative and for People Like Us non-normality is embarrassing. I finally got the courage to get help and I'm so glad I did because I understand my condition and I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest. I feel a lot better knowing there's people out there who are struggling like I am. Just remember people like us are our biggest critics all the negative thoughts need to be fuckin ignored. Seriously they need to be fucking ignored. Don't let someone else's highlight reel be your blooper reel
For example, they may do the following: They may refuse a promotion because they fear coworkers will criticize them.
I’ve literally sabotaged many job opportunities because of that train of thought
@@MademannTeddy Same. I got fired from my last job for too many absences. I was worried I'd do a worse job than no job so I just wouldn't show up some days.
I love how you said it's like exercising a muscle. Life is learning and practice.
I actually hate this bc it means that my progress can fall back if I don't exercise. It also means that I will always have to put hard work into it and can never relax and be like others. It means I will always have to face my problems and will never be able to function without exercising. I hate this. When I've gone through years of therapy I want my progress to STAY. But this is never going to happen.
I feel stuck my entire life.
Me too. You're not alone
@@maebunny5298 😭
Me too I feel mentally paralyzed/crippled
I am in your shoes, buddy. You are not alone! Hugs :))
I would be in heaven having her as my therapist
At a basic level she’s willing to consider that someone has this disorder, which is more than my doctors or therapists have been willing to do.
I felt I had AVPD, maladaptive daydreaming, CPTSD and then further realised I have asperger to sum it all. I fit the definition perfectly.
Same! (Apart from cptsd I don’t know much about that)
I have a lot of those traits too. I think Asperger’s might make us more vulnerable to trauma and predispose to avoidance or at least social anxiety. And those could relate to the daydreaming as well.
So true. It was only recently a few backs that the asperger did come out at an adult age when reflecting over and over 'what is wrong with me'. The not fitting in, decision paralysis, failing miserably in relations and specially escape to daydreaming all now made sense and felt like a relief. .
Makes me feel less lonely to know that there are others who relate on same levels.Thankyou and appreciate Dr Ramani !
Do you know that C-PTSD can manifest as other disorders including ADHD and Borderline?
There is a guy who said I have been diagnosed with 10 disorders before finally being diagnosed with C-PTSD.
Why C-PTSD is so tricky? Because it hits three majors parts of the brain, Prefrontal Cortex, Hippocampus, and Amygdala.
@@sinan_islam ohk.. Thankyou for sharing this info 👍🏽
People with APD just need to live a quiet, simplified life. There is no fully unwiring the twists and turns of a personality disorder once it has been set into the person, but there are ways to prevent the tendency from becoming destructive. APD is one of those disorders that doesn't really hurt other people as much as it hurts the person who has it. But I think it's a disorder with a lot of hope for improvement. You won't ever feel like you can interact 'normally', but eventually you'll begin to be able to come out of your shell again enough to not be paralyzed. Knowing what to hope for specifically can make it worth fighting to get some kind of treatment, because left untreated, you are just throwing your life away.
It does absolutely hurt others when they're trying to build a connection with you. Imagine if it was your other half/spouse and they're trying to figure things out and communicate with you. It's frustrating on both sides and it ultimately destroys the relationship because it's not being built on trust and communication which are one of the most important qualities in a relationship to thrive long term.
@@xlx077 I know that it hurts other people...but it's not active abuse in the same sense of a cluster B disorder. Someone with the disorder is not going to go out of their way to interact with you unless you made them feel safe. Most APD's, including myself, mostly have given up on building new relationships, or approach them with extreme caution with past problems at the forefront. Someone with the disorder often ends up feeling enmeshed with people who are too forward...part of that is basic introversion/extroversion, but some of it is an inability to correctly perceive and weigh threats. APD is a disorder that overwhelmingly affects introverts.
I agree. I know it’s hurt my family and wasteful of my own life. Some people think I need to force myself to be more social, but I think that’s a terrible idea. I’d be happy with a simple life. I think this fixation on social things is part of the problem. I just want to be less cowardly and not let fear of judgment stop my doing what I want.
@@ryk6207 The insight I got was that I had just been overfilled with the stupid and incorrect opinions of other people, and I was trying so hard to please them and not be embarrassed over being awkward. But then I realized I was comparing my own strengths to the weaknesses of certain other people. Those strengths being, I could be highly empathic and understanding, and not judgmental towards others, giving other strength and emotional support. And bringing some joy and sunshine by being funny and uninhibited (at least before the personality disorder got solidified and I became much more inhibited). I will always be somewhat inhibited now, but I learned to go back and retrieve some of the positive things that I had wrongly assumed were negative traits. And I'm not nearly afraid as much now to just go ahead and get the hard things done even when I am feeling particularly rough. It takes a Herculean effort, but I remind myself that the consequences of not taking action are worse than the temporary discomfort.
my guy bill, i kindly wanna add, we r what we believe. wtvr we believe, then we’ll be limited to that. eliminate beliefs and u’ll be left w just us, just who we r. and who we r is free, and capable of free, no matter What it is we’re possibly going thru. love my guy
You're good. Unfortunately I was judged by doctors as well. So that is why I've read so many books that explain avoidnat personality disorder ans styles of attachments in relationships. I am secure in friendships but fearful or dismissove avoidant in relationships. I was judged so many times in my life even by my parrners and that is why I'm hiding parts of myself.
Noble of you not to judge them right back. Try it! It’s most cathartic.
Can you recommend some of those books you have read about this topic? 😊
@@ruralaura Hey Rural :) i dont know if JM meant the the book " Attached: Are you Anxious, Avoidant or Secure? How the science of adult attachment can help you find - and keep - love" but it seems to be a populair one :)
Avoidant personality disorder don’t the same as avoidant attachment style
i wish there was a Dr. Ramani where i live
I really thank you for sharing information on this personality disorder. I feel relieved I finally have a name for something that explains the feelings and actions I do.
Thank you for bringing attention to this disorder. Even though I've been doing incredibly well for many years, I still would love to have a therapist to fall back onto sometimes. Especially in very difficult situations such as (romantic) rejection. Unfortunately, mental health care in Sweden isn't nearly as good as it should be and you need to either be at the verge of suicide, or pay a very expensive private counselor before getting any help.
Update: I optes for private care and Im so glad I did! Asking for help is amazing 😊
@@anneliesvantwesteinde7613 why isn’t it that good? The healthcare?
Thannnk you for once again featuring 'our' Dr. Ramani
discussing further important topics.
I appreciate that all things narcissism is the doctor's
specialty, but I am so very fortunate to have always,
since late 20's, avoided all such people with traits of such.
i have avoidant personality disorder.. started w social anxiety then led to avoidance… depressed, suicidal. in my heart, in my brain, i’ve been blessed to have something instilled in my spirit when i was young. EVERY SPIRIT IS FREE. no matter WHAT we go thru, no matter how HARD Our Situation and how EXTREME it could possibly be. i PROMISE, we r MEANT to be Free so we r CAPABLE of being Free. i’m still in my journey but there’s no doubt we will make it out. wether is lifetimes or however long, we’re capable and we WILL Be Free. Les Keep Going Family, We Got This 💪🏼💪🏼🤍🤍
I love the positive energy youre talking my dude! Thats something I struggle to tap into with the depression and isolation. Hope we figure out how to break out of this self imposed cage and can live a life full of people and love
@@unknowntosociety01 my guy, Jose, if u Love the positive energy is bcs u Have that Positive Energy Living in U. there’s a reason why when we go thru the worse of the worse in our journey, we can cry and cry, and be like “Why!!”… yet we don’t wanna give up. our Vibrant Heart and Spirit, will be what Liberates us, let’s keep going my Brother 🤞🏼🤍
i started recording, documenting my journey intending to liberate from AvPD, if anyone wants to check out the vids, join, just be as a community talking abt it, i’d love to connect thru this 🙏🏼🤍
Thats a funny condition to live by, because i have an avoidant personality disorder, sometimes i feel im lacking of a social bubble and when im on my own i feel a relief of just being me grabbing munchies or a good book music and webseries it kinda feels good but there's more added to life so if we are connect throughout the world we need to feel our chests and go after connection for our sake
I really would love to go to a therapist (i have so many problems lol...traumatic childhood, avoidant personality disorder, anxiety, etc) . But i live in germany and if u dont pay a lot of money (which i dont have) u need to wait 6 months - 12 months before u can get on the waiting list. And then u wait more 6 months. And then u realise this therapist is not the right for you. And there u go again with waiting 1 1/2 year for starting a new therapy.
I try to help myself somehow but i really wish for a lot of people that there would be better waiting times than this.
Introvert with avoidant personality but totally happy about it! I quite simply can’t bothered with people in general. Guess I would make a good hermit.
Sounds more like schizoid. Apd people usually aren't happy about it and hate that they can't connect with people
Are you married?
This is interesting… typically people with AvPD desire social interaction deeply but cannot overcome their fears of rejection. I’m an introvert with AvPD and although I do often find myself happier alone, I cannot deny my longing for a connection with others.
This is so full of good information. i had to write it down. Thank you Dr.
Getting certified as a behavioral sleep coach. So much research on how better sleep improves mental health in people with mental illness. Doesn't cure it. Makes it easier to do the things that keep you out of the hospital.
Happy with APD since 1983. No friends, no grilfriends, no society, and a lot of time for reading books. Embrace your APD, but if it causes you trouble, go and see the doctor.
Welcome to the Void.
To Simon...I love your outlook. It reminds me of an ancient Chinese poem:
Ask me why I stay on Green Mountain
I smile and do not respond
My heart is at ease
Plum blossoms on flowing water
Slip away into the distance
This is a world apart
Which is not of mankind
Yeah, that's how I also like it. Why society always wants us to go against our nature? I'm so happy when I'm alone without expectations put on me. I do admit I'd be happy with a Discord of people like us though, having some people who understand each other to talk to from time to time without feeling judged would be a blessing.
@@vip3re You would end up avoiding each other, the first time someone said anything that would upset your delicate nature.
@@ransbarger Delicate nature? 🤣
Thank you for going live today.
Thank you Dr Ramani I study, follow here and move past setbacks. Dr S, Dr Judy, Jenny, OMGOSH and your program for narcissism recovery!! 💜💙💚💛🧡💯🛐🎨🎨🎨🎨🎨My art returned. I returned to more treatment it's a excerise for me to be more present in the now. Mind and soul progression.
Feeling anxious for about a year… exercise seems to help a lot
Indeed.
If I take my clonazapam I can leave the house and shop for food, drive in traffic and other things you do by yourself...but without it, I can't leave my house. I know this doesn't make me any psychological progress but at least I can fulfill my caregiver duties for my mama. I have never been unemployed in my whole life until this last year. I have to have my meds, mother's care, the house flowing well before I go back to work.
It's really hard
My ex is an example of a "cold avoidant" in its most extreme way. He is unable to express any physical positive feelings, a part from towards babies and cats. I remember watching him stroking the cat, and hoping for at least a warm glance, but no, nothing. He avoided to look at me, talk to me, discuss anything, never a cuddle, no physical contact, it was if I was invisible. It was arctic. Ice cold. Now that I have left him, I see it clearly, but I was so determined to keep our family intact, and we have four kids (yes, he did actually take the first step at a party 40 years ago, I think he was desperate, and then we had four kids in six years), so I was extremely occupied doing that. I was a bit AvPD myself, and there was a lot of trauma bonding between us. I nearly died before I got away. I'm going back in my own tracks, trying to understand it.
I am 55 yrs old. I seem to have some disorder that I have tried to avoid most of life and I am now facing life with nothing and no one to help. I have lost my job, my home, all my money, my kids don't really talk to me. I don't drive anymore. I have no way to function, and I don't know what my problem is? Life is scary stuff for certain.
Take heart John. I was older than you when I found myself in a similar situation. Often these breakdowns become a breakthrough. Take good care of yourself and keep on truckin.
@@maryannscott5567 Hey. Thank you for that. Thank you. Very nice
God Dr Ramani is a raging c. She suffers from worse conditions than she accuses BPD folks of having. She defines narcissist, for example. I’d rather be BPD than a narcissist 8 days a week. (The narcissist is weak, the BPD is unknowing. There IS a difference.)
I am in exactly the same position. My daughter came back into my life last fall and I've been helping her out. She was supposed to get a big government check she claimed and I believed her she went through my whole savings in my bank account. I begged her to help me out with this I just absolutely freeze and I've been avoidant I was diagnosed 25 years ago this is the worst it's ever been. I wouldn't look at my bank account I wouldn't look at or answer any calls I avoided everybody I still do I won't look at things on the internet as far as finding a job. I'm going to end up right out on the street if I don't do anything and I begged her to help me just come and make some phone calls for me or sit with me please and help me and she refuses to do it she took off and has no intentions of paying me back now. I've never in my life asked for help I just absolutely cannot ask for help. Part of what made it so bad I think is she is extremely emotionally abusive and I was in a very abusive marriage for a long time physical and emotional. I also had a very abusive mother when I was little and I've been estranged from my mother for about 15 years.
Also I was seeing a guy who did not treat me very well he played a lot of games and he manipulated me a lot. I really have a hard time finding anyone I connect with one in a thousand it seems like and I'm so lonely but the thought of going out and meeting people is something I just don't want to do. My fiance died 5 years ago and I've just gotten lonely and lonelier. I even do my laundry in the middle of the night now I live in an apartment building. My rent is two and a half months past due and I spend a lot of time blocking out the anxiety I avoid that too. My daughter kept saying dumb b**** don't pay your rent we can get assistance from the government and I'll help you do it well I'm not sure I can get it now. At this point I kind of just want to fall asleep if I can and not wake up. I know what you mean about functioning John. When I don't have anyone to take care of I don't function very well.
@@avalonisland I am sorry to hear of your troubles. I feel the same way. I am frozen. I want to be away from all the world. I am not sure what I can do? I am 55 and quite afraid. I hope things go better for you very soon.
Good channel. But I need to hear more advices than definitions. Thanks!
We all need courage to push through life 🕊💙🌈🧚🏼🙏🏼
Maya angelou would agree - says courage is most important virtue
it's all about social fear and overcoming it, you just have to step outside the self imposed safety boundaries, one way or another !!!
Did you have this and overcame it?
It must happen either way
Could AVPD get worse after a traumatic event? I found I have been more avoidant since losing my husband to cancer 3 years ago. It has gotten so bad I don’t want to leave my house unless I have to.
CBD helped me alot with my APD.
How so?
I have cbd oil from a company I used to work for. Works great on aches and pain (cbd roll on gel) but I never thought what effects on the mind! Thanks
What is the difference between APD and Social anxiety disorder?
Social Anxiety will cause panic attacks in certain situations, such as giving speech.
AvPD will prevent you from socializing with people in the first place lol.
The question is, why should I bother pushing through, when every time, I get used. Almost all people are selfish users.
I have Dependent Personality Disorder and this sounds a lot like it.
I'd love to know if you want to sleep and set times to go to sleep and wake up yet you can't fall asleep or suffer with insomnia... how do you tackle that..?? would taking something to help aid in sleep or meditation or something be okay. I want to sleep but I really struggle falling asleep and staying asleep even if I'm listening to something. X
Talk to your doctor, ask to be referred for sleep study, there may be other causes
@@happydogg312 exercise daily, eat well sometimes a lil too much sugar. Mainly when I PMS lol
The moment I know I have to be up at a certain time i lose the ability to sleep that night. If i do manage to sleep, it's at most an hour before my alarm and I just straight sleep though it. I've been fired from jobs because of this. No idea how to tackle it i just wanted to vent.
I guess this wasn't the point of the topic, but how do you build a routine when you haven't found anything that works out of helping??
I’m confused, if I’m trying to justify no-contact to keep my sanity intact and now I’m finding I may be developing AVPD - what gives??
No contact? For one person in particular or all people?
@@TheLace a few people in my family, the covert narcissists in particular.
Doesn't sound like AVPD. Do you struggle with social interactions? Do you avoid social situations because the idea of being criticized or embarrassed is too much already? Do you have difficulty maintaining a job? These are the questions you should ask yourself. Talk with a doctor or psychologist to get a professional opinion
@@maebunny5298 sadly, yes to all of those questions. Especially if it’s family-related gatherings. I get so embarrassed that everyone is doing well, except me
@@maebunny5298 thankfully I just started a new job, and with medical benefits - so hopefully I’ll be able to afford a therapist soon
I love her
Ooof... Crying haha.. man it feels so impossible.. It sucks
I had trouble keeping up with what's being said. Would anyone like to make a summary of all this?
I hear all the things you have to do to be better 🌧️I feel all alone
What exactly is APD??, someone who goes to extremes to avoid people??
Pretty much. Basically you have an immense fear of being criticized, shamed, or embarrassed by others so you try to minimize social interactions as much as possible. This leads to not being able to hold a job, maintain friendships, and relationships
Just described me - yikes. So that's what's wrong ....😮❤. Thank you
( I think)
Dr. Ramani, Have you ever delved into anosognosia for methods to achieve medication compliance. We have been struggling with this for two decades. Any suggestions or references to studies would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for all your insight.
Wow, the muscle metaphor scared me, I'm not good at that. And diagnosed avp
For those with AVPD, any suggestable resources (movies, books, etc.) about what its like living with AVPD?
After listening to Dr. Grande, it seems to me that the background of people who developed APD is similar to the background of BPD.
Why people labeling apd as narcissist??
Could someone relate??
They are totally different people.. one is there to get you to destroy you to give them satisfaction… the avoidant isn’t here to destroy you, it’s just that their condition affects you despite them not willing to hurt you.
What about if someone has traits of BPD, AvPd and Dependant PD? How does one treat that?
It's like we have, or can find a therapist. Who in upstate S.C. deals with APD? How to find help would be helpful.
Is procrastination a part of avoidance pd?
🤗 I'm first watching someone one who is like this mean very mean, but I'm not qualified to say so thank you for helping me understand the situation
Thanks for supporting mental health education! 💙
What if my fear is being murdered by a family member, a stranger, or a psychopath?... If you're a psychopath, I don't think all psychopaths are bad and that everyone wants to murder me... Maybe I don't have the courage to be disliked or I fear judgment, but it's more because maybe I'll mysteriously die in my sleep, I sometimes volunteer and put myself into uncomfortable situations, maybe public speaking or teaching, I can face my fears but sometimes I get the feeling of putting myself or a part of myself into a lions mouth. I understand that people do it regardless in judging, criticizing, and so on but I just don't wanna put myself in their purview for them to do that all the time... If I could wear a mask for the rest of my life, like a superhero (Batman) or an actor I probably would, that way they can judge the mask even though I'm the one behind it in a sort of detached and anonymous way just like with the Satoshi Nakamoto situation and bitcoin... I'll probably come back and delete this comment after I get some insight...
I'd say let it all out and just let it be there. I don't know of your situation, just wanted to say being in physical danger is not a psychological issue. Regardless, you are allowed to keep yourself safe. It is courageous to put yourself out there and face your fears. Honestly, not everyone out there is willing and able to go that far.
When you gain insight, I hope you can let your comment stand. Just stand on its own. Just be there. It can stand the test of time. And if it's not you, it is at least a reflection of you. I see nothing to be ashamed of.
Yeah its so easy just to call up your local therapist who specializes in avoidant personality disorder. There so many of them why wouldn’t you?
Can you make a video about schizotypal personality disorder?
I think MedCircle did it years ago.
Can avoident display be caused by an intellectual disability with ASD? Can it come from abuse, bullying being inept due to disabilities? Can it remit as one becomes elderly with dementia? Thank you for your information.
Interesting question.
I have a strong feeling that my APD came from abuse
Interesting question.
I have a strong feeling that my APD came from abuse
It is an empowering force multiplier against destructive negativity provided one is fully aware of what it is. It is a form of energy that fortifies one’s self image provided the confidence it instills is used for the benefit of mankind first & the self secondly.
I am frustrated.
I'm too depressed and lazy to manage this. my probably undiagnosed adhd doesn't help eaither
Do these people dissociate if they feel rejected or humiliated?????
Yes, and or get very angry and walk away from the situation. (me)
This disorder explains why I've never had a girlfriend.
Same, bro. This disorder also explains why ultimately I'm a LONER ffs
I was in a long distance relationship for 4 years, but never anything in person
I had to leave my husband because he had this disorder. He's happier without me. That kinda smarts. And I know he'll never marry again. He should never have married in the first place.
Be careful! If you happen to recover and live a normal life, then isolated yourself for whatever reason, all the symptoms will relapse back. This disorder is not treatable. Your personality is immutable.
True!!! Ive had moments, little windows of being able to be around familiar people and joke around that always last too little and am back locking myself up in my room
dam bro tell it like it is lol
No mate That’s not true. Don’t you dare try to erase peoples hope. Not that you could. It is treatable and overcomable. Personality is mostly constant but changeable with great effort and resilience to old patterns.
@@StaaaaNzHD please help me
No boosters!
There wasn't a single discussion about "the signs".
👍❤️
This is nothing short of offensive. AvPd is extremely debilitating. Most of us do not have jobs or healthy relationships or the ability to hold routines. Disgusting! You should be ashamed!
Parents abandon you siblings die friends lie to you and women cheat on you. What to push thew let them all stay away.screw all of them I’m better off alone!!!
I never called a personnel trainer for anything, never called a doctor for nothing (unless mandatory for a deployment). I handled my own business and kicked ass
And that's great, some people need therapy and some don't, everyone's different.
Well, congratulations… sure you don’t see asking for help as a sign of weakness since it u it isn’t. One day you might have PTSD and I hope you’d be strong and smart enough to ask the VA for the appropriate help.
Good! We always need more people to sacrifice themselves for corporate profits and the petrodollar.
@@BillLaBrie wtf are you talking about
@@briank8697 nevermind. Bless your heart.
Oh stop this or get off my RUclips I love my life just the way it is so talk about this too other people because I love my life and I love my family members but who wants stragglers not me
Perhaps some people are not into relationships because they interfere in wealth building and power accumulation. 🤔
i started recording, documenting my journey intending to liberate from AvPD, if anyone wants to check out the vids, join, just be as a community talking abt it, i’d love to connect thru this 🙏🏼🤍
I'm going to check out your vids mate.
@@Jesusisvictorious_ my guy, appreciate u 🙏🏼
lmk if u have any thoughts bro, it’d be cool to connect thru this. there’s not many of us going thru this
We need a community to help each other out. This disorder is killing me
@@christinarodriguez7241 We Honestly Do! im Intending on Creating Something too, to really have us all together. i know this journey is probably one of THE Toughest Ones… Christina as a friend that relates, i’m here as well w u. sending the most Love 🖤
This video is miss named. It says SIGNS it does not discuss that at all.