Hey girls! There are so many important questions to ask before getting engaged. These are five that we think are incredibly important and yet sometimes get passed over. Now I can’t wait to hear your thoughts on these questions, as well - and what other questions YOU’d add to this list! 😍
Good video, Tiffany. I do need to ask these questions before I find the one. Can I ask you a question? You can share this question with your husband. Is it okay for me to imagine a future wife, and have sex with her? I have been doing it for awhile, and I think it’s natural. However, I don’t want to objectify her or being entertained by lust. What are your thoughts? Thank you for reading this. Have a great weekend. 😌
Is there any way you could do a video about compromising for your future? My bf and I have some different family goals and we are trying to work through them.
@@HPTFan Be careful of lust which is strong sexual desire. I find a difference in thinking about having kids with a future wife VS just thinking about getting it on.
1.Does he value your opinion? 2.What are you looking for in a marriage? (soulmate/business partner/playmate) 3.Is there anything you haven't shared? (Honesty about your past) 4.Without chemistry, do you still like them as a person? 5.Are you willing to give 100% to this relationship? (Not just 'what can I get?')
That 100% tip hits home with me. Something that helped me was, I had thought marriage was 50/50 but someone said, you give 100% and accept what he's doing as his 100%. Accept it and move on. Once I did, marriage was smoother. Surprise.
Really good video guys. You are both very wise :) #1 ‘Does He Listen To you?’ Is huge! I’ve seen relationships where one doesn’t listen to the other and it’s so hard to watch:/. And #4!! Woah!! That’s deep and SO real!
your channel ist just AMAZING; I´m muslim and I find all what you´ve said absoultely right! Sorry my English is bad but I wanted to express my happiness for finding this helpful channel..Thaaaannkss!
I have become so obsessed with you guys in the past 24 hours! I stumbled across one of your videos and thought, “great, another awkward Christian marriage video.” Needless to say I was VERY pleasantly surprised at how not awkward your videos are, regardless of what you’re discussing! I absolutely love you both!!!
I was thinking the same specially when the video started and she said "hey girls" lol so I was like "okay what I'm doing here" 😂 Actually I wanna know more about Christian relationships and it was my first video and I really liked it
Literally no one talks about this. School doesn't teach you. College doesn't teach you. TV shows (even advice TV shows) doesn't tell you. Parents may not tell you. Even church rarely says anything. Yet, marriage is a decision that could affect 4/5ths of your life. So thank you!
I'm not Christian but I'm often recommended to watch your videos by RUclips! Thank you for your openness. Your insight is empowering and so many, regardless of religion, can learn and blossom from your advice. Love how you promote such respect within relationships, so so important Xxxxx
It's super cool that you were able to express so openly that you're not Christian! If you ever have any questions about faith, let me know! You can even throw me an email :) I'd love to share my experiences and I won't be pushy! hannahhugs535@gmail.com
This was so helpful :) i don’t even have a boyfriend yet but i want to prepare myself so when i meet my future husband i’m not too ignorant lol ! love you guys and you guys are awesome God bless🌹
My husband and I were best friends for 7 years before we felt God moving us to start courting. These were all questions we asked and talked about in the first 2 months (we had a fast relationship. Starting courting in December of 2017 engaged in May of 2018 married in October 2018 and now we’re expecting our first little one in August) one of the biggest questions is am I leading this relationship or is this really God’s timing.
My genuine experience, after waiting, praying, and listening to God before taking the next step is that sometimes God's timing can actually mean things moving faster than our own timeframes. And my experience is that when God's will and power is behind/driving something, pieces fall together incredibly quickly. We have a powerful Holy Spirit at work in us, the same power that raised Jesus from the dead after all! 😊
My boyfriend and I are talking about potentially getting married soon and I’ve enjoyed thinking these questions over as well as discussing them with him. Soooo helpful! Thanks 💕
I am relatively new to your channel and all I can say is I'm so blessed by your videos. I'm already married and have been for 6 years, but I'm still learning loads of golden information I plan to share with my children when they're old enough. Thank you for making these videos. God bless!
Just now came across this video and it's exactly what I've been needing to hear! I've been having some internal conflict over not having as strong of an emotional connection with my partner lately and was really confused because he means so much to me, but this video reminded me that we both have more than just attraction towards each other, we're compatible! Thank you so much for this video, it really helped with my emotiional distress and confusion :)
You guys always share so much truth and grace, and even as a totally single person, all of your advice is always encouraging in all aspects of life. You encourage me to always bring my life and decisions before God and to do so with joy. Thank you, thank you, thank you for following His calling on your lives to share with us
This is the 3rd time I’ve seen this one, and it’s great to realize how many of these that my girlfriend and I are “matched” on. I’m planning to propose pretty soon (end of next summer), and I just think too much sometimes, and this video helps me essentially realize how good Chloe and I are together. She’s definitely the soulmate type, and I might be the “playmate” type, though I’d say that’s maybe too much of a simplification. Also, while I can definitely say she is *very* physically attractive, your point on wanting your to-be spouse to also be a wonderful person, it just makes me Beav thinking of her. She’s definitely just the most wonderful woman I have ever had the pleasure of meeting, she’s kind, patient, slow to anger, respectful, a good listener, AND she’s Christian to top it off! Then, she’s heckin beautiful :)
Just watching this video saw ur comment was 10 months ago, this is the end of the next summer you spoke of…. Update? I’m just curious I’m where u were 10 months ago and it’s all so new.
@@ramonm5923 well, my plans fell through, financially. I’m not yet 21, so I still have plenty of time. Lots of tumultuous life stuff with where I’m going with my future (continue college/no college), but I’m putting savings away a bit at a time for this stuff 😌
All three, but definitely soulmate ^_^ And I really liked your point about 'would you like this person even if there were no chemistry. Are they a great human being you would want to have around that you trust' on the days/ times when you're irritated with them and not feeling the chemistry those days when they tick you off. lol. Excellent point, I had never thought of that. Marriage is terrifying, but you guys give good tips that will make the choice less daunting
So much to say from a car crash of a marriage that should probably never have started. Thankfully God is gracious and gave us three wonderful gifts from our marriage, even though I haven't seen my children in almost 6 years. My ex-wife had a child from a previous relationship but had never been married. I had had 1 significant relationship a long time in the past when I was 18 and when I met my wife I was 30. I was sill a virgin but we got pregnant before we were married. We had pre-marriage counselling after that with a lovely older couple who were also professional counsellors. Unfortunately it doesn't matter whether you ask the questions mentioned here or have all the counselling in the world if you aren't honest with yourself when you answer them, the last question especially. Then not being honest about other things doesn't help. Put on top of that having significant psychological, personality and behavioural issues that would challenge the best marriage. There is no way that I could hide my past, that would be a horrendous thing for me to do to a potential partner. Not to mention that she would be curious why I have to meet with the police yearly and why they would check up with me on an occasional basis. Why I can't be spontaneous with travel plans or go overseas. Why I have to have safety plans for certain situations and occasions. Considering my future spouse may face rejection from family and friends for choosing to have a relationship with me I need to be honest and I wouldn't be able to function without honesty in return. God has been good, I had a girlfriend for 5 months last year. A wonderful lady. Although it didn't last as she didn't develop the romantic feelings she needed for me, it was a really good time and I learnt some really useful things. How to deal with conflict constructively, I found it easy to change things about myself to work better for her. I also learnt how consent (enthusiastic consent) is meant to work and more importantly, why from a woman's perspective (Tea Consent video).:) Hopefully I can get a permanent job and then meet someone for a more permanent relationship soon.:) God bless all.:)
Omg, would love to hear more about the year of premarital counseling and what issues you were facing and what you took out of "therapy"/how you incorporated their guidance.
I think talking about values as in what you believe in like religion or politics. I also believe It's important to talk about how many children you want to have and how you want to raise.
My husband and I had some very intense conversations once we knew we were going to work towards marriage. Things came up along the way, but I feel like we got a lot of the foundational stuff worked out in the beginning. We would have loved to have a mentor couple but with church associations we were unable to. Would still love to look for an opportunity to have a mentor couple once we get settled in a church community.
I don't usually comment on videos, but all of these questions have really helped me think about the relationship I'm in and what it is I'm looking for. Thank you so so much for sharing these ❤️
I love the 5 questions that you guys had! These are all very good questions and helps keeping a positive communication with each other. Another question I feel is important as a Christian is asking your significant other about there religious beliefs and if they are different seeing if there is somewhere in the middle you guys can meet. I say this because another question you might want to ask each other is how many children if any do they eventually see themselves with in the future. Every religion also has their ways in bringing up children and if your religions differ this can cause problems in the relationship. Thank you for sharing this video. It was really nice! ❤💯
Great points!! I received some great advice about deciding whether or not to date someone/take things to the next level: can you see yourself wanting to overcome conflict with this person for the REST of your life (both internal, within the relationship & external conflict)? It seems like common knowledge but I had honestly never considered it.... not just whether or not you can happily envision spending your entire life with this person but can the two of you deal with conflict well together? If not, do you really want to spend forever with said person? Hope y’all have a great weekend 💜
Spirit Family I've never been in a relationship but this is so good!! It's something I've never really considered or thought about before so I will keep that in mind when the time comes!
Sometimes the little things can ruin a marriage... Example; Does she keep the house clean enough; Does she cook well enough; does she keep her appearance well enough; Is she knowledgeable enough... There is so much pressure on a woman to be good at so many different things... And we also have to be working professionals that are good at our jobs, because we have to help provide... It's overwhelming! Living up to this standards makes you want to stay single, so you don't have to please anybody.
I love these questions! My mom always gave me this additional question to ask myself before I get married: how does this person respond to his or her parents and friends? Because if your significant other is not respectful towards his or her parents and boasting in front of his or her friends, this could also be a red flag
Hahahaha I hear you!! I think to some extent, we're never fully "Ready." Marriage is such a huge life change! But I think these questions can be super helpful to think through. So glad you enjoyed it!
I'm thankful to find godly counsel on these things. God has used you guys to give wise advice and I'm so grateful I stumbled upon your channel. You are a blessing❤️
Omg Tiffany thank you and your husband so much. This was very helpful. I wish I could give you both a tight hug to let you know how much I appreciate this.
Love you guys' perspective on this!! I love what you said about how you often don't even know you have an expectation until it goes unmet! Great questions. Before we got married we went through this 30 day challenge book, where you had to have conversations/complete actions that would go out of your comfort zone with your partner! It was so helpful! Love this - Est X
Just discovered your videos today. I'm really enjoying them and look forward to watching more! Thanks for sharing real talks about real stuff. :-) Great points! I think it's so important to actively search out information from those who have gone before us and we can glean a lot from those who have accomplished the goals we want to accomplish. Such great advice!
Sort of off-topic, but for whatever it's worth, the weirdest thing in my experience after marriage was that it's almost never the really *big* issues that lead to "blow-out" arguments. Seems like a married couple can generally approach those things as a team. Instead, it's the teeny tiny things that cause the major altercations -- "You used my toothbrush without my permission?!?!?" or, "You shaved your legs with MY razor?!?!?!" THOSE are the things that ring the bell for multiple rounds in the thunderdome. Especially in the first year or two of marriage. Odd, but true...and that's where questions 4 ad 5 really come into play.
Not sure about that, maybe a vague similarity to Jon Cryer. I don't think he behaves anything like Alan, Alan was a weak-spined leach. I think James hides some of his strong conviction and opinions in that he is a gracious person. Tiffany? Am I right?:)
I study relationship listen to Gerry Chapman, jimmy Evans, RC Blakes , Mark Ginger John Gotman and other Christian counsellors . It helps me to descent what I need from a relationship
Some Qs I would add: Do you have compatible child rearing styles? Can he get along with your family and you get along with his family without the other present? If one of you died, will the other be able to continue to have a relationship with the in-laws and let the in-laws continue to have a relationship with the kids? If one of you died would you be able to have a back-up plan for stable finances, care for children etc.? Are you looking for the same things in a church community? (Even if you go to the same church or church is where you met, are you there for the same reasons - a year after our marriage, my husband and I needed to leave the church we met, dated and got married in and this wasn't something we expected but we both had a similar enough hierarchy of values so it worked out.) Can you both agree on rules for arguments and areas you will not tear the other person down on that's a sensitive spot (not that you don't talk about it, but that you are extra gentle)?
@@carolinaburgosaguilar1494 Can you both agree on rules for arguments and areas you will not tear the other person down on that's a sensitive spot (not that you don't talk about it, but that you are extra gentle)? You want an example of that? It is hard to give to many concrete examples of this in public forums because they tend to be private sensitive things. But sure. So, I am complementarian but I'm also a somewhat strong-willed, strong woman with real leadership abilities - not a bad thing, but I struggle with the idea of submitting to my husband but also using my gifting effectively. If when I'm fighting with my husband, he decides to pull this out and throw in my face even though it has nothing to do with the argument at hand, that's not fair. does this mean that he and I don't have conversations about this struggle of mine? No. But we don't throw stuff in each others face just to hurt each other's feelings because we're upset with the other person. Another example. My husband had an unhealthy friendship in his past. (It is not appropriate for me to go into detail on the internet, so this is what you get for right now.) If I start cracking jokes about some of the pain that he experienced or I make snide comments about how he never learned something because of this past experience and that makes him dumb. Well that just isn't kind. If I point out to him that he might have a blind spot in how he thinks about healthy friendships and that what he was used to with the other friend from the past isn't the norm in a loving way (not in a talking point in an argument to prove that I am somehow "better than him"). When you get married, you end up seeing and knowing sides of your spouse that no one else does - you need to be gentle with that.
@@DogmaGirlAD That is more detail that I was looking for, but thank you. I see what you are saying and that's what I thought you meant but wasn't sure. I do agree that using someone's sensitive spot just to hurt them is not okay. In fact, in a fight (I prefer to call them disagreements), you should never aim to hurt the other person.
How did this video show up in my feed? lol! I’m not even dating anyone... well now that I’m here, this sounds like good advice for if I ever get married... if I ever get my life together. Not looking too good so far...
Coming in the conversation a bit late, but I am going to be asking any guy I date about their experience with pornography. If there is enough trust there to be honest and enough character to try his hardest to avoid it then that is attractive.
ohmygosh thank you VERY much! im set up with a guy i really like, but we are 7 dates into the relationship (my friends got married after 4-5 dates...) and i was really looking for a guide or something for things i need to check with myself before we move forward...
Tim Hendson Her top is very distracting. ...WAY too fitted & visually seductive looking. But oh, man!....what I used to wear! Ouch! The LORD must've been horrified by my ignorance & stumbling others (while causing trouble in my own life from attracting the WRONG attention). Refined to serious modesty, praise the LORD! It IS a process & better to get there as quickly as possible to not be part of the problem.🙋💝💖👣👣
Nancy J She CAN help wearing such fitted tops & showing them off. I realize she's pregnant & they grow for that reason, but wearing form fitting attire is a stumbling block. Period. It's like looking at nudity. Good thing her top isn't a skin tone color. THAT'S the ONLY way it could be worse (well, a cleavage cut out WOULD be worse). This is NOT being mindful of others as a Holy Spirit image of God. I'm not trying to be unkind. I'm simply pointing out the provocation to stumble men & the poor influence it is for other women to follow. I know better now, but it wasn't always that way. I'm NOT who I used to be HALLELUJAH! I hope the LORD corrects her to adjust as He did for me (maybe through my comment, maybe some guy making a comment or with his wandering eyes). Either way, I hope it changes to born again status (evidence of the Holy Spirit transformation); a new creation. It IS a process, but unwise to drag it out or miss the warnings. God's Word IS CLEAR. We are often stubborn in our sin. NOT the WAY He calls His to be. He COMMANDS us to examine & deny ourselves, DAILY. Blessings IN Jesus!🙋💝💖👣👣
wow!!! thank you so much for this video, am currently in a relationship and we are thinking of marriage in the near future. these tips were very important reflection points. May God richly bless you, your marriage and may he continue to use you to be a blessing. you guys are one of my role models
I had a list about what I was looking for.... I knew I wanted to marry my wife when I looked at the list and threw it away. What I wanted was not important anymore.... what was important was what God wanted for us. The Truth is a person, Jesus Christ.
Hi Tiffany, I had a love 1 year but he was doubting me like anything... We had broke up and I thought to marry a boy whom my mom shows... But I'm feeling some what. Can you suggest anything to me.. Anyhow you guys are perfect... Love from India
For thousands of years no country, culture, or religion asked these sorts of questions. At most, people looked at things like does he/she come from a good family (i.e. a family in good standing with the community). The modern Western cultures that now, for the first time in history, ask these sorts of questions have the highest divorce rates and other fun stuff like the highest premarital sex rates, the highest STD rates, and abortion. Makes you stop and think doesn’t it? I have a better idea. Why don’t you come up with the best 50 Bible verses or the best 50 Bible studies and leave all the psycho babble out of Christianity.
People are the same as they ever were. The reason divorce is higher now is that it's legally easier to do it, not that we're less "moral" as a population. If women had been able to own and retain property and other capital throughout most of human history, you can bet that divorce would have been a thriving business for thousands of years. There is no ideal past to which we can return by reading 50 good Bible studies. Great video, guys! Really enjoyed it.
How can two people be joined in marriage when one wants a SOULmate and one wants a PLAYmate ? Are you aware how different those two things are..? I would be insulted in Tiffany’s shoes, I don’t think it’s okay at all. Marriage is marriage, not subject to personal definitions and definitely not a business transaction!!! Leave that to non-Christians to redefine. “Marriage isn’t for YOU - it’s for the other person “, just like Christ married the Church by serving it.
Hey girls! There are so many important questions to ask before getting engaged. These are five that we think are incredibly important and yet sometimes get passed over. Now I can’t wait to hear your thoughts on these questions, as well - and what other questions YOU’d add to this list! 😍
Good video, Tiffany. I do need to ask these questions before I find the one. Can I ask you a question? You can share this question with your husband. Is it okay for me to imagine a future wife, and have sex with her? I have been doing it for awhile, and I think it’s natural. However, I don’t want to objectify her or being entertained by lust. What are your thoughts? Thank you for reading this. Have a great weekend. 😌
Is there any way you could do a video about compromising for your future? My bf and I have some different family goals and we are trying to work through them.
@@HPTFan Be careful of lust which is strong sexual desire. I find a difference in thinking about having kids with a future wife VS just thinking about getting it on.
Thank you for replying.
Who is this guy what is going on I would like to no more about him
1.Does he value your opinion?
2.What are you looking for in a marriage? (soulmate/business partner/playmate)
3.Is there anything you haven't shared? (Honesty about your past)
4.Without chemistry, do you still like them as a person?
5.Are you willing to give 100% to this relationship? (Not just 'what can I get?')
Thanks!
🔥📝🔥
That 100% tip hits home with me. Something that helped me was, I had thought marriage was 50/50 but someone said, you give 100% and accept what he's doing as his 100%. Accept it and move on. Once I did, marriage was smoother. Surprise.
🔥🔥🔥
Difficult but thank you...
Yes, we love James as much as we love you, Tiffany!
Really good video guys. You are both very wise :) #1 ‘Does He Listen To you?’ Is huge! I’ve seen relationships where one doesn’t listen to the other and it’s so hard to watch:/. And #4!! Woah!! That’s deep and SO real!
your channel ist just AMAZING; I´m muslim and I find all what you´ve said absoultely right! Sorry my English is bad but I wanted to express my happiness for finding this helpful channel..Thaaaannkss!
Come to Jesus he loves you
My husband and I have been married 6 years and we still meet with an older couple. Very very helpful!
That is so cool!!
Hi 😍😍❤
I have become so obsessed with you guys in the past 24 hours! I stumbled across one of your videos and thought, “great, another awkward Christian marriage video.” Needless to say I was VERY pleasantly surprised at how not awkward your videos are, regardless of what you’re discussing! I absolutely love you both!!!
Awwww! That makes me so happy to hear! Thank you so much for sharing this Hannah! :):):)
I was thinking the same specially when the video started and she said "hey girls" lol so I was like "okay what I'm doing here" 😂 Actually I wanna know more about Christian relationships and it was my first video and I really liked it
I m for u u m single 😍😍❤
I think happily married people looks at each other like they are I love it . 😩❤️ they are so focus on each other as they talk
Literally no one talks about this. School doesn't teach you. College doesn't teach you. TV shows (even advice TV shows) doesn't tell you. Parents may not tell you. Even church rarely says anything. Yet, marriage is a decision that could affect 4/5ths of your life. So thank you!
I read a very helpful book titled '101 questions to ask before you get engaged'. A bunch of good things to think about/discuss.
You look beautiful today Tiffany! That pregnancy glow :) Love seeing you two together for a video
I'm not Christian but I'm often recommended to watch your videos by RUclips! Thank you for your openness. Your insight is empowering and so many, regardless of religion, can learn and blossom from your advice. Love how you promote such respect within relationships, so so important Xxxxx
It's super cool that you were able to express so openly that you're not Christian! If you ever have any questions about faith, let me know! You can even throw me an email :) I'd love to share my experiences and I won't be pushy! hannahhugs535@gmail.com
❤❤
The way they look at each other - love and respect. ❤️
This was so helpful :) i don’t even have a boyfriend yet but i want to prepare myself so when i meet my future husband i’m not too ignorant lol ! love you guys and you guys are awesome God bless🌹
My husband and I were best friends for 7 years before we felt God moving us to start courting. These were all questions we asked and talked about in the first 2 months (we had a fast relationship. Starting courting in December of 2017 engaged in May of 2018 married in October 2018 and now we’re expecting our first little one in August) one of the biggest questions is am I leading this relationship or is this really God’s timing.
My genuine experience, after waiting, praying, and listening to God before taking the next step is that sometimes God's timing can actually mean things moving faster than our own timeframes. And my experience is that when God's will and power is behind/driving something, pieces fall together incredibly quickly. We have a powerful Holy Spirit at work in us, the same power that raised Jesus from the dead after all! 😊
This is great...God's timing..very key
I just love the way James looks at Tiffany when she's talking! I just loves her and seems like he is valuing every word she has to say #GOALS 😍
My boyfriend and I are talking about potentially getting married soon and I’ve enjoyed thinking these questions over as well as discussing them with him. Soooo helpful! Thanks 💕
Aweeee this is such a good video. Y’all got straight to the point but in a humorous way. May God continue to bless y’all family ❤️
The world needs more James's!!
I am relatively new to your channel and all I can say is I'm so blessed by your videos. I'm already married and have been for 6 years, but I'm still learning loads of golden information I plan to share with my children when they're old enough.
Thank you for making these videos. God bless!
Awesome!
Just now came across this video and it's exactly what I've been needing to hear! I've been having some internal conflict over not having as strong of an emotional connection with my partner lately and was really confused because he means so much to me, but this video reminded me that we both have more than just attraction towards each other, we're compatible! Thank you so much for this video, it really helped with my emotiional distress and confusion :)
You guys always share so much truth and grace, and even as a totally single person, all of your advice is always encouraging in all aspects of life. You encourage me to always bring my life and decisions before God and to do so with joy. Thank you, thank you, thank you for following His calling on your lives to share with us
This is the 3rd time I’ve seen this one, and it’s great to realize how many of these that my girlfriend and I are “matched” on. I’m planning to propose pretty soon (end of next summer), and I just think too much sometimes, and this video helps me essentially realize how good Chloe and I are together. She’s definitely the soulmate type, and I might be the “playmate” type, though I’d say that’s maybe too much of a simplification. Also, while I can definitely say she is *very* physically attractive, your point on wanting your to-be spouse to also be a wonderful person, it just makes me Beav thinking of her. She’s definitely just the most wonderful woman I have ever had the pleasure of meeting, she’s kind, patient, slow to anger, respectful, a good listener, AND she’s Christian to top it off! Then, she’s heckin beautiful :)
Just watching this video saw ur comment was 10 months ago, this is the end of the next summer you spoke of…. Update? I’m just curious I’m where u were 10 months ago and it’s all so new.
@@ramonm5923 well, my plans fell through, financially. I’m not yet 21, so I still have plenty of time. Lots of tumultuous life stuff with where I’m going with my future (continue college/no college), but I’m putting savings away a bit at a time for this stuff 😌
All three, but definitely soulmate ^_^
And I really liked your point about 'would you like this person even if there were no chemistry. Are they a great human being you would want to have around that you trust' on the days/ times when you're irritated with them and not feeling the chemistry those days when they tick you off. lol. Excellent point, I had never thought of that. Marriage is terrifying, but you guys give good tips that will make the choice less daunting
So much to say from a car crash of a marriage that should probably never have started. Thankfully God is gracious and gave us three wonderful gifts from our marriage, even though I haven't seen my children in almost 6 years.
My ex-wife had a child from a previous relationship but had never been married. I had had 1 significant relationship a long time in the past when I was 18 and when I met my wife I was 30. I was sill a virgin but we got pregnant before we were married. We had pre-marriage counselling after that with a lovely older couple who were also professional counsellors.
Unfortunately it doesn't matter whether you ask the questions mentioned here or have all the counselling in the world if you aren't honest with yourself when you answer them, the last question especially. Then not being honest about other things doesn't help. Put on top of that having significant psychological, personality and behavioural issues that would challenge the best marriage.
There is no way that I could hide my past, that would be a horrendous thing for me to do to a potential partner. Not to mention that she would be curious why I have to meet with the police yearly and why they would check up with me on an occasional basis. Why I can't be spontaneous with travel plans or go overseas. Why I have to have safety plans for certain situations and occasions.
Considering my future spouse may face rejection from family and friends for choosing to have a relationship with me I need to be honest and I wouldn't be able to function without honesty in return.
God has been good, I had a girlfriend for 5 months last year. A wonderful lady. Although it didn't last as she didn't develop the romantic feelings she needed for me, it was a really good time and I learnt some really useful things. How to deal with conflict constructively, I found it easy to change things about myself to work better for her. I also learnt how consent (enthusiastic consent) is meant to work and more importantly, why from a woman's perspective (Tea Consent video).:)
Hopefully I can get a permanent job and then meet someone for a more permanent relationship soon.:)
God bless all.:)
Omg, would love to hear more about the year of premarital counseling and what issues you were facing and what you took out of "therapy"/how you incorporated their guidance.
Hi 😍❤
I think talking about values as in what you believe in like religion or politics. I also believe It's important to talk about how many children you want to have and how you want to raise.
Great advice!
My husband and I had some very intense conversations once we knew we were going to work towards marriage. Things came up along the way, but I feel like we got a lot of the foundational stuff worked out in the beginning. We would have loved to have a mentor couple but with church associations we were unable to. Would still love to look for an opportunity to have a mentor couple once we get settled in a church community.
Its so nice to see you looking at your husband with true love.Its hard to find now a days.Hope u guys are living life to the fullest.God bless!
I don't usually comment on videos, but all of these questions have really helped me think about the relationship I'm in and what it is I'm looking for. Thank you so so much for sharing these ❤️
I love the 5 questions that you guys had! These are all very good questions and helps keeping a positive communication with each other. Another question I feel is important as a Christian is asking your significant other about there religious beliefs and if they are different seeing if there is somewhere in the middle you guys can meet. I say this because another question you might want to ask each other is how many children if any do they eventually see themselves with in the future. Every religion also has their ways in bringing up children and if your religions differ this can cause problems in the relationship. Thank you for sharing this video. It was really nice! ❤💯
Great points!! I received some great advice about deciding whether or not to date someone/take things to the next level: can you see yourself wanting to overcome conflict with this person for the REST of your life (both internal, within the relationship & external conflict)?
It seems like common knowledge but I had honestly never considered it.... not just whether or not you can happily envision spending your entire life with this person but can the two of you deal with conflict well together? If not, do you really want to spend forever with said person?
Hope y’all have a great weekend 💜
Spirit Family I've never been in a relationship but this is so good!! It's something I've never really considered or thought about before so I will keep that in mind when the time comes!
Love these tips! Thank you! :):)
Sometimes the little things can ruin a marriage... Example; Does she keep the house clean enough; Does she cook well enough; does she keep her appearance well enough; Is she knowledgeable enough... There is so much pressure on a woman to be good at so many different things... And we also have to be working professionals that are good at our jobs, because we have to help provide... It's overwhelming! Living up to this standards makes you want to stay single, so you don't have to please anybody.
I love these questions! My mom always gave me this additional question to ask myself before I get married: how does this person respond to his or her parents and friends? Because if your significant other is not respectful towards his or her parents and boasting in front of his or her friends, this could also be a red flag
That is a GREAT question from your mom! It's so important to see how they interact with the people in their lives! Thank you for sharing that!
Tiffany Dawn you’re welcome:)
These are interesting questions to think about. When answering these questions for myself, I realize I am not ready to marry anyone. Ahhhh!!!!
Hahahaha I hear you!! I think to some extent, we're never fully "Ready." Marriage is such a huge life change! But I think these questions can be super helpful to think through. So glad you enjoyed it!
I'm thankful to find godly counsel on these things. God has used you guys to give wise advice and I'm so grateful I stumbled upon your channel. You are a blessing❤️
I totally agree with you!!
Omg Tiffany thank you and your husband so much. This was very helpful. I wish I could give you both a tight hug to let you know how much I appreciate this.
Love you guys' perspective on this!! I love what you said about how you often don't even know you have an expectation until it goes unmet! Great questions. Before we got married we went through this 30 day challenge book, where you had to have conversations/complete actions that would go out of your comfort zone with your partner! It was so helpful! Love this - Est X
Oh that's so cool! What was the book called?
Rightt? I wanna know. Whats the name of this book?
Just discovered your videos today. I'm really enjoying them and look forward to watching more! Thanks for sharing real talks about real stuff. :-) Great points! I think it's so important to actively search out information from those who have gone before us and we can glean a lot from those who have accomplished the goals we want to accomplish. Such great advice!
I'm so happy I found your channel. I love listening to both of you. I can feel how you love each other so much. Love it!
That makes me so happy!! 🙌🙌
First am watching u guys ur husband is very funny 😄 😆 🤣, I hope u guys enjoy the love u both have for each other
One minute into the video and I’m looking for the LOVE button 💛
Great advice as always... Definitely subscribed... Love how you really talk about the things we're often afraid or shy to... Thank you.
This is really great to think about even though I'm completely single 😁. Thanks for this! Love you both!
Hi 😍❤🌷
I love this! This was a blessing to me!
In addition couple should discuss topics about children- religion spirituality- finances money- family and friends - goals and plans
Those are super important topics! Thank you for sharing that list!
Thank you so much Tiffany and James, this was very helpful to me.
GOD BLESS YOU BOTH❤ I LOVE YOUR GUYS ENERGY❣
Very helpful! Just made a vlog too about my realizations. Cant wait for my wedding 🥰
One concept that I love is the one of both people giving 100% instead of going in to just giving 50/50
Such good advice!!
females will put everything they got into the wedding and nothing in to the marriage
Love your openess guys! Keep up the good work! God Bless!
James is a DREAM, so wonderful. A real MAN.
Wow, this is such wise advice! Thank you for sharing this great insight in a concise video - extremely helpful!
Sort of off-topic, but for whatever it's worth, the weirdest thing in my experience after marriage was that it's almost never the really *big* issues that lead to "blow-out" arguments. Seems like a married couple can generally approach those things as a team. Instead, it's the teeny tiny things that cause the major altercations -- "You used my toothbrush without my permission?!?!?" or, "You shaved your legs with MY razor?!?!?!" THOSE are the things that ring the bell for multiple rounds in the thunderdome. Especially in the first year or two of marriage. Odd, but true...and that's where questions 4 ad 5 really come into play.
James looks and acts like Alan from 2 and a half men
Not sure about that, maybe a vague similarity to Jon Cryer. I don't think he behaves anything like Alan, Alan was a weak-spined leach. I think James hides some of his strong conviction and opinions in that he is a gracious person. Tiffany? Am I right?:)
I don't even have a boyfriend lol but these were definitely some awesome tips.
Hhhhhh me too
Hope you have one now😂
Same im autistic and so far all the boys I'd date have run the opposite way lol
Well it's good to prepare because it happens really quickly
I study relationship listen to Gerry Chapman, jimmy Evans, RC Blakes , Mark Ginger John Gotman and other Christian counsellors . It helps me to descent what I need from a relationship
Some Qs I would add:
Do you have compatible child rearing styles?
Can he get along with your family and you get along with his family without the other present?
If one of you died, will the other be able to continue to have a relationship with the in-laws and let the in-laws continue to have a relationship with the kids?
If one of you died would you be able to have a back-up plan for stable finances, care for children etc.?
Are you looking for the same things in a church community? (Even if you go to the same church or church is where you met, are you there for the same reasons - a year after our marriage, my husband and I needed to leave the church we met, dated and got married in and this wasn't something we expected but we both had a similar enough hierarchy of values so it worked out.)
Can you both agree on rules for arguments and areas you will not tear the other person down on that's a sensitive spot (not that you don't talk about it, but that you are extra gentle)?
These are great questions! Thank you for sharing these!
Could you give an example about the last point you made? These are great by the way!
@@carolinaburgosaguilar1494 Can you both agree on rules for arguments and areas you will not tear the other person down on that's a sensitive spot (not that you don't talk about it, but that you are extra gentle)?
You want an example of that? It is hard to give to many concrete examples of this in public forums because they tend to be private sensitive things.
But sure.
So, I am complementarian but I'm also a somewhat strong-willed, strong woman with real leadership abilities - not a bad thing, but I struggle with the idea of submitting to my husband but also using my gifting effectively. If when I'm fighting with my husband, he decides to pull this out and throw in my face even though it has nothing to do with the argument at hand, that's not fair. does this mean that he and I don't have conversations about this struggle of mine? No. But we don't throw stuff in each others face just to hurt each other's feelings because we're upset with the other person.
Another example. My husband had an unhealthy friendship in his past. (It is not appropriate for me to go into detail on the internet, so this is what you get for right now.) If I start cracking jokes about some of the pain that he experienced or I make snide comments about how he never learned something because of this past experience and that makes him dumb. Well that just isn't kind. If I point out to him that he might have a blind spot in how he thinks about healthy friendships and that what he was used to with the other friend from the past isn't the norm in a loving way (not in a talking point in an argument to prove that I am somehow "better than him").
When you get married, you end up seeing and knowing sides of your spouse that no one else does - you need to be gentle with that.
@@DogmaGirlAD That is more detail that I was looking for, but thank you. I see what you are saying and that's what I thought you meant but wasn't sure. I do agree that using someone's sensitive spot just to hurt them is not okay. In fact, in a fight (I prefer to call them disagreements), you should never aim to hurt the other person.
Please pray my crush will come to my school. 👏👏👏
Tim Hendson
God's will be done. 😊...in Jesus!🙋💝💖👣👣
How did this video show up in my feed? lol! I’m not even dating anyone... well now that I’m here, this sounds like good advice for if I ever get married... if I ever get my life together. Not looking too good so far...
Bruce Courtney I pray God will restore your life
If your husband starts a channel I'd definitely subscribe (I'm a guy - and Iike your videos so far)
Coming in the conversation a bit late, but I am going to be asking any guy I date about their experience with pornography. If there is enough trust there to be honest and enough character to try his hardest to avoid it then that is attractive.
You guys are so adorable 😊😄 x
ohmygosh thank you VERY much! im set up with a guy i really like, but we are 7 dates into the relationship (my friends got married after 4-5 dates...) and i was really looking for a guide or something for things i need to check with myself before we move forward...
I’m so glad this could help!!❤️❤️
@@TiffanyDawn actually our wedding is within 3 months ✨✨🥲
Very helpful video. God bless you!
This sounds like solid advice 👍🏿
Thank you for this video guys the tips are really helpful love seeing u together in videos God bless!
This modesty video is amazing too
Tim Hendson
Her top is very distracting. ...WAY too fitted & visually seductive looking. But oh, man!....what I used to wear! Ouch! The LORD must've been horrified by my ignorance & stumbling others (while causing trouble in my own life from attracting the WRONG attention). Refined to serious modesty, praise the LORD! It IS a process & better to get there as quickly as possible to not be part of the problem.🙋💝💖👣👣
Nancy J
She CAN help wearing such fitted tops & showing them off. I realize she's pregnant & they grow for that reason, but wearing form fitting attire is a stumbling block. Period. It's like looking at nudity. Good thing her top isn't a skin tone color. THAT'S the ONLY way it could be worse (well, a cleavage cut out WOULD be worse). This is NOT being mindful of others as a Holy Spirit image of God. I'm not trying to be unkind. I'm simply pointing out the provocation to stumble men & the poor influence it is for other women to follow. I know better now, but it wasn't always that way. I'm NOT who I used to be HALLELUJAH! I hope the LORD corrects her to adjust as He did for me (maybe through my comment, maybe some guy making a comment or with his wandering eyes). Either way, I hope it changes to born again status (evidence of the Holy Spirit transformation); a new creation. It IS a process, but unwise to drag it out or miss the warnings. God's Word IS CLEAR. We are often stubborn in our sin. NOT the WAY He calls His to be. He COMMANDS us to examine & deny ourselves, DAILY. Blessings IN Jesus!🙋💝💖👣👣
Oh my goodness.
Thank you, soo much, worth watching
Awesome thanks Tiffany!
Tiffany any you make a video on how to open up about ur past to ur partner...!
Very helpful, thank you ☺️
I'm so glad!!
wow!!! thank you so much for this video, am currently in a relationship and we are thinking of marriage in the near future. these tips were very important reflection points. May God richly bless you, your marriage and may he continue to use you to be a blessing. you guys are one of my role models
Thank the Lord my husband and I use paper plates, lol you guys are so awesome 👏
Such good advice! :D Too bad I'm still single haha. Still interesting to hear. : )
I just love the content on your channel! Thank you Tiffany! ❤️
I’m single 24 years still waiting given up now not sure what God is doing anymore
i think you are Amazing love your personality
Great! Great! Blessings!
Play mate is good, but don't confuse that with a play thing. That will not last.
I'm not sharing the concept that your partner needs to know everything. You are still individuals after you get married.
Hey my name is shanay how long should a woman and a man date before being engaged
I had a list about what I was looking for.... I knew I wanted to marry my wife when I looked at the list and threw it away. What I wanted was not important anymore.... what was important was what God wanted for us. The Truth is a person, Jesus Christ.
Is it unrealistic if I want a soulmate, business partner, and a playmate?
How con I show my girlfriend my feelings for her because we have little problems in our relationship and I am scared to lose her 😔😔😔😔
How can I get engaged with my boyfriend for 1 year anniversary celebrating our relationship
I can dig it
Amen.
Hi Tiffany, I had a love 1 year but he was doubting me like anything... We had broke up and I thought to marry a boy whom my mom shows... But I'm feeling some what. Can you suggest anything to me..
Anyhow you guys are perfect...
Love from India
Are you guys still married? I think yes
Is there a way I can send a question to y’all? I need help trying to figure out what can I do in my situation.
If you still need some advice I'm here for you! 2shine4christ@gmail.com
just fo7nd you and I love you both
I fall in love with girlfriend and I asked to marry me.
For thousands of years no country, culture, or religion asked these sorts of questions. At most, people looked at things like does he/she come from a good family (i.e. a family in good standing with the community).
The modern Western cultures that now, for the first time in history, ask these sorts of questions have the highest divorce rates and other fun stuff like the highest premarital sex rates, the highest STD rates, and abortion.
Makes you stop and think doesn’t it? I have a better idea. Why don’t you come up with the best 50 Bible verses or the best 50 Bible studies and leave all the psycho babble out of Christianity.
People are the same as they ever were. The reason divorce is higher now is that it's legally easier to do it, not that we're less "moral" as a population. If women had been able to own and retain property and other capital throughout most of human history, you can bet that divorce would have been a thriving business for thousands of years. There is no ideal past to which we can return by reading 50 good Bible studies.
Great video, guys! Really enjoyed it.
H
She fall in love with me I asked her about the engemnent long or short
I see her most every day and spend the whole day with her
I m looking love of my real life
I m single ❤❤
💞💞💞
How can two people be joined in marriage when one wants a SOULmate and one wants a PLAYmate ? Are you aware how different those two things are..? I would be insulted in
Tiffany’s shoes, I don’t think it’s okay at all. Marriage is marriage, not subject to personal definitions and definitely not a business transaction!!! Leave that to non-Christians to redefine. “Marriage isn’t for YOU - it’s for the other person “, just like Christ married the Church by serving it.
Are there really no guys watching this?!😂