Learning to let go - take your life back and defeat a toxic ex
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- Опубликовано: 13 сен 2024
- Learning to let go - take your life back and defeat a toxic ex
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Duane DSD
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Anyone who can feel comfortable in a desert desert like this can overcome any obstacle.
Thanks hilarious Regina! It’s weird but I’ve started to really enjoy the solitude of the desert - except for when it’s 115 outside.
YOU helped save me Duane and I am positive we were married to the same woman. I've been to court houses now 88 times over in Sydney Australia and to get full justice and satisfaction, I am now looking at suing NSW Police (to then get to her).
I 100% agree with the content of this video, but as for me, I still struggle to let go due to the criminal content of my legal issues and the fact that my son has had 9 reports made to child services whilst in her care and has visited a child psychologist 43 times also living with the mother.
T H A N K Y O U for the support you have shown me over the years...
The gym and weight training definitely helps me feel good, even if the positive feeling only lasts that evening it's worth it. Its never too late get into it DSD, whatever your age or physical condition you can always improve yourself and get the natural endorphines going :)
I have become physically ill behind the lies and accusations that a narc sibling has smeared against me. No one believes her outlandish accusations, however, they repeat them because it's gossip! I really appreciate your honesty in how difficult these situations are... BTW - I will not unsub your channel because we have a couple of years of peace and then the narc gets bored and ramps up anew. I'm so glad I never unsubbed your channel.
I have seen that where someone leaves the channel and then the narc comes back with a vengeance and they come back to the channel. People who “like” the drama and not good people to have in your life.
@@DSD I totally agree. We are moving forward and keep things to a minimum. Our narc sibling has kids that I've been raising. It's a hellish situation due to the abuse.
Hang tough... I know what you are saying. The smear campaign was so persistent for many years I can't shake it. It crushes. Not feeding or fueling it any further is the only way I can find to manage and go forward. Peace.
@@mgu1N1n1 Thank you for the good advice. Peace to you, as well. 🙏
You're so down to earth, your videos are like sitting and listening to a good caring friend giving excellent advice.
I'm gonna start walking then exercising. I think that will be a good outlet for me and I'll lose the weight I've wanted to lose.
It's a win/win! lol
Every time I see people online talking about the toxic ex I always recommend your channel!
Thank you so much for your help!!!
Really needed to hear this today. Thank you!
Hang in there Mike! Thanks for the feedback
The same
Been together with this person for 6 years, we share a lots of happy moments together.
She was an angel when i get to know her but. As times passes by and i realise she is not exactly the person i know at the beginning. We got married and i had a roller coaster ride with one moment she love me and then at the next moment hate me if i did or say something which is her dislike. And just last year , my mom came over to stay for a week. (She dislike my mom as she criticise her once). She immediately move out and demand a divorce! No matter how i plead or ask her for a chance, she ignore all my message. And now i am divorced and still need to repay her a sum of money that she used to help me to tide over. It is really ridiculous to divorce in this way, really doesn’t make any sense at all! Right now, i’m left in pain & broken,i felt the world crashing down on me. It been a year since she left, my heart are still aching in pain.
I got my life back quicker than I ever thought. C-narc ex W had me convinced of so much that when she was no longer around or looking over my shoulder I could focus on myself and the relationship w my son. I got into running and open water swimming. the time I spend working on myself is the time where her nonsense and legal drama is buried and I only return to it when I want to. keep working on yourself and focus on your kids.
You can tell that you're a decent guy by just watching these vids. Thanks for the advice from Ireland.
Good to see you. Don’t see my kids more than a few days a month but we have SO much fun in those visits. All my visits are public (they don’t come over) but now it’s awesome because we do all kinds of things. If they were at the house they’d be on their screen the whole time
That's great to hear - at least you're making memories and a connection - and I'm sure your ex is saying you're just a "disneyland dad" because they have to try and corrupt everything...
My toxic ex told me I cannot introduce my new partner to my kids etc and I wasn’t planning on it yet anyway. She then sends me pictures showing her new boyfriend at my sons four year old birthday party. These narcs are insane
Should I just roll over when she fraudulently took my farm after she embezzled over 200k ?
4 years this side of divorce, and just now getting to property settlement. No children THANK GOD !!
Men, do not hesitate for one moment to put a restraining order against your female partner if you feel your safety and health is in jeopardy. Placing a permanent restraining order on my female partner was absolutely the wisest protective move of my adult lifetime. My only regret is not doing it years earlier. Men, be safe!
@DSD I have you making videos hopefully get to see you more during the holidays with more content.
I don’t have the kids during the Christmas break so I’m hoping to be able to do more content and coaching.
Hey Duane. Good to see your face. Happy Thanksgiving to you in advance. I pop in from time to time and always walk away with something to think about after watching your videos. It's been 5 years now and the quiet is unsettling. I'm trying to just enjoy it. I'm far busier than what I was 5 years ago so don't have time to think about the ex husband as much. He moved just a little south of the city we're at so he's far away doing whatever. Peace of mind can come..You have to want it though..It can be tough when all you have experienced is drama and letdowns.
Thanks for the kind words, bro.
He's right. My partners ex has grown more unstable. Her relationship with her kids is failing and we don't have to do anything to make that happen other then be or pretend to be chill. They are now understanding that she's a liar and has made promises she can't keep. All because we both realized she needed our emotional response. We vent to each other first, sleep on it and then only respond if absolutely necessary and make it so dry and boring that she goes nuts. That has been the best revenge. The more we've been happy and loving with the kids instead of drained and stressed the more she has lost herself. She still tries and we ignore, use our support systems and therapy to expell our emotional reactions. We are at a place now we're all her baiting is comical and pathetic. The counterintuitive approach is 100% true. Be boring and as quiet as can be. Only answer things in the most basic way and ignore anything that doesn't require a response. Find people or pay a therapist to vent your pain and anger, do not give that energy to them. Do not let the kids see you're unhappy. Be chill even if you're raging inside. Repeat this to yourself everyday "my abuser needs my emotional reaction more then I need them." You actually hold all the power. They need your anger and outrage or else they wouldn't do these horrible things. And yes they can push it pretty far. But that's despiration not power and only you can give them that power. My favorite quote was Eli Thompson Boardwalk Empire
“No one takes power, it has to be given.”
Trust me it works!
Thank you so so so much for your time and support ✨ You are appreciated ✨
Thank you so much for the kind words and support Sarah - I really do appreciate that!
Thanks. I know you're right. However, my ex turned my only child against me, she continues to pump out lies about how awful I was, etc. I worry about her mental state, and of course, I miss her terribly. She is an adult now, but still spewing the false narrative. I just want my kid back. Sigh...
Hey Duane, I am here enjoying this video because I am lucky to be part of the wave of people who on the other side of the narc abuse storm. (Probably - I can always worry😉) And now I am like, ok, that happened, it won't ever turn out fair, whatever. I need to learn what to do without a looming thing. A new context. This helps!
Thanks Duane. Hope your having great holiday.
Time and knowledge sets us on the right path. ...warm hugs all ...
So very true Jennifer!
Have a blessed Thanksgiving
You too Cindy! Although have to accept I’m not 25 anymore and can’t each everything like I used too!!! Hope you had a great thanksgiving!
Thank you. You have put into language what I have been feeling. I really appreciate you and the work you put into this channel.
Thank you!
Your videos always show up on time for me even if they do not show when you release them. Thank you, Duane. Keep doing what you are doing. Happy New Year!
Happy New Year to you too Franco! Thank you for the support! Hopefully 2023 will be an interesting year for the both of us!
I agree with everything you've said. Unfortunately it took me over 10 years to get to this point. I wonder if part of it has got to do with the kids being older and if I had to do it all again when they were little, I probably would cos I felt the need to cushion them from the pain and protect them from the chaos. How much of this is really more a factor of time passing than anything else? Perhaps also the ages of the kids when you split? I don't have the answers. So I guess my point is everyone in this situation might have to walk their own painful journey until they eventually get the epiphany that you (and I) finally got. Maybe it takes longer to get here when you part with when the kids are little vs when they're older. Maybe it's different for people who leave when the kid's are adults. I don't know. I just hope it doesn't take as long for others as it did for me.
It's a bit of all of those things BUT the main thing is going to be our perspectives and how WE decide to process it. I've seen (and known ) people who NEVER get over it even when the kids get older. That is really the sad part is that you can break free from the person (even if they corrupt the kids) but maintain the connection effectively giving them power over you. I can absolutely see this taking 10 years OR until the family court "control" is over and done with. I was fortunate that I was able to deep dive into that pain (that was NOT fun) and work through it and I think it only took me 3 to 4 years and then a few more to REALLY purge this crap from my life. I'm just glad to hear you're on the other side of this even if it did take you 10 years - at the end of the day you've TAKEN your life back and that right there is TRUE power!
So what was your overall time line? Meaning how long were you in a state of anticipating divorce, how long during the divorce, how long in overall anxiety/trauma, and how long until you got stability with your relationships with your children?
@DSD Dwayne just put headphones in when listening to meditation when your kids are around.
Lol I normally do but sometimes when I’m going to bed I play it through my phone on the nightstand.
@DSD Dwayne what are you doing for Thanksgiving break this year?
Great
Hi Dwayne Good morning 🙏Im Looking forward To Your Video.I Was Just Looking At One Of Your VIDEO On Healing From A NARCISSISTIC RELATIONSHIP.
Im Still STRUGGLING to Disconnect When Does The Pain Go Away.I Was Jus Recently Discarded Horribly.
His name is Duane!
The key Demi is no-contact and saying away from them. You can not "fall for" the hoover and you have to accept who they truly are. The problem is it can be difficult to accept that pain and if you are "given" the opportunity for a reset we think that the pain will go away and it will be different. Sadly that isn't the case and typically round 2 (or 3 or 4 or 5) is worse - and more painful - than the last.
Thank you Regina! Generally very few people every get it right and always spell it Dwayne. The other day I ordered something and made sure they spelled it "duane" and when they said the name it sounded like "john". Sometimes it would have been easier if my name was just Dave or something REALLY simple! LOL
@@DSD so true no contact is the only way forward 💯💯💯💯💯👍👍👍🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
You almost have to think of it like a drug or alcohol addiction - recognize you have a problem and never go back.
Hi, is this channel also for Mums surviving divorce from Narcissistic ex-husband? 😢
Yes 👍🏻
sounds like you're describing forgiveness
Yeah but a lot of people have a problem with that - takes a while to relieve forgiveness doesn’t mean you’re okay with what happened but that you are not longer going to stay connected to it.
The problem is with us, being a super empath person, kind and sweet etc. you always accept any of their bullshit without saying anything, walking on eggshells and that situation keeps forever, they are the fucked up persons that they are but its our fault to stay with them, first red flag and go away! period.
what do you do if your ex girlfriend has your child diagnosed.
and the authorities confirm it.
my son would have autism and adhd.
pfff I'm angry with her she got everyone behind her.
she now financially receives double income through the tax authorities.
I have the idea that it was also about the money and she used our 8-year-old son for it
🙄 "PromoSM"!!!