Ego's Paradox: Searching for Its Own End and the Journey to Inner Peace

ChatGPT's summary and conclusion on the transcription of the text from the video clip:
The conversation revolves around deep philosophical and spiritual topics, primarily focused on human suffering, the ego, and the concept of enlightenment. The speakers discuss how ego-driven questions and desires often lead to seeking enlightenment, even though the ego’s ultimate dissolution is a paradoxical goal. They explore the role of fear, self-destruction, and love in the human experience, touching on Buddhism, Zen practices, and the pursuit of happiness in daily life.
One speaker recounts their personal journey from materialism to spiritual seeking, influenced by Buddhism and Zen, and expresses a desire for an end to suffering rather than achieving a grand notion of enlightenment. The conversation also delves into unconditional love, the identification with ego, and how childhood experiences of pain and betrayal often lead individuals to close themselves off emotionally, becoming protective of their vulnerability.
In conclusion, the discussion highlights that real change comes from bringing awareness and consciousness to these deep-seated fears and behaviors, even if the process feels slow or incomplete. True peace and happiness come from accepting the simplicity of everyday life, rather than chasing lofty spiritual ideals.
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ChatGPT's transcription of the text from the video clip:
Hello, how are you? I am... I am... Thank you, I'm sorry, I'm being weird today. Just keep saying "I am," you'll get there.
So, I already heard about your doggy. Oh yeah, yeah, but she-oh, she picks up. Sorry, I should say greetings from duality land. Yeah, reminding you what it was like. Like once, yeah, but two hours later she was down by the front door, demanding her walk. I was like, "Okay, I won't walk you today after that," but then she was like, "Come on woman, let's go." She's funny. Amazing dogs are, well, they probably... I don't know, but they probably live second to second, right? Not like us, like what's going to happen an hour from now, two days from now, a week from now.
My question is kind of a silly one, because I think to be human sometimes is silly. Yeah, you were kind of mentioning the other gentleman that all questions arise from the ego seeking, probably arise from the ego, I think. I'm not sure. But why would the ego ask questions and search to become something that ultimately leads to its dissolution?
Yeah, it's a paradox. It's like it's searching for a way to commit suicide or extinguish itself to a big degree, to not be anymore, and yet we're still doing it. It's like its greatest longing and biggest fear, to get it over, to not be what it is. I think there are all different types of reasons and different egos as to what attracts to this subject. Like when I first got into this subject, I was attracted by the Buddhist way of speaking about it. The Buddhist group, they could speak about it in very flowery terms. They could also speak about it very dryly. But I liked the idea of becoming enlightened. It sounded fantastic.
And then once you-it's like anything-once you begin to get into the details, it's like going down a rabbit hole. You don't know what you're getting into, and then you get more and more into it, and you can't kind of stop the process. It's crazy, the process that goes into learning that there is nobody. Like, I remember recently I re-listened to an audiobook by one of the first Buddhist teachers I came across. And actually, in the audiobook, I was surprised to hear that they were talking about emptiness and fullness a lot. I didn't hear that back in those days. I heard about enlightenment, the bliss, the positivity.
But my point is that the ego hooks onto different things. For me, it was the idea of love. Love and compassion were so important to me. And then, you know, you start going down that hole, and it just gets deeper and deeper, and there's some sort of self-destruction in play. But it's not a personal self-destruction; it's like something else has taken over. I think. I mean, what first drew you to the subject?
Oh, I think, for some dopey reason, when I was a kid, in my teens, I read some books and became very attracted to what some people had sought out and became in the spiritual life. It really stirred something in me, and then I kind of fell into the materialistic ways, which I have to say, thank you, women, for that. You know, I was like, "I'm not giving this up," and, you know, money and accumulation and everything. Then all of that kind of was empty.
So then, in the last few decades, it was pain and suffering that really got me into it. I was very attracted to Buddhism, Zen Buddhism, and the idea of just "shut your mouth, meditate, do the work, and keep your questions." I don't know why, because I'm a chatty dude, but the idea of shutting up and doing it, seeing what happens, attracted me.
I read a lot of that, and, I don't know. I know the Buddha talked about enlightenment and everything, but from what I read, he didn’t say too much about enlightenment. He was on the path to end suffering-the human suffering of death, sickness, loss of loved ones, vanquished dreams. Just to end that type of suffering. He wasn’t looking for the pie in the sky; that’s all he ever got, and that’s all he ever preached. Somehow, a lot of people twisted it into this, well, whatever else, which is good. But there does seem to be another type of end of suffering, and that may be you. I don’t know. It seems like that’s the enlightened state that somehow went beyond just the cessation of suffering into something else indescribable.
Me, personally, I would be very happy with just the end of suffering. I think that would be enough, though I’m not sure.
Yeah, I have to say, I also came with the intention of wanting to end suffering. That was also the attraction. So, what my teacher Roger taught is just being happy in everyday life. At the time I met Roger, I was more happy to surrender to just being happy rather than this big, fantastic idea of enlightenment. Have you ever listened to Roger Castillo?
I have not, ma'am. I know you’ve talked about him plenty, but I didn’t know I could. Is he on RUclips or something?
Yeah, you can just type in his name.
How do you spell his last name?
It's Castillo. Maybe someone can post it in the questions group, but basically, what he taught me was just being happy in everyday life. The result of that is peace in daily living. And the way this comes about is by questioning doership and who is the doer. It's the same thing as what I teach, just said in a different way. But I really like the simplicity of that because I gave up any idea of enlightenment or going beyond. I was just aiming to be happy in day-to-day life. And toward the end of living with Roger, even though there was oscillation between suffering and bliss, I remember getting to a point where I thought, "If this is the rest of my life, I can be happy with this."
So, you can watch his videos and see how you feel.
You mentioned one other thing recently. I was in a deep state and I saw that every part of my life, from almost the beginning of memory, was running a thread of fear-sometimes thick, sometimes thin. And I thought, "Is that just cowardly me, or is it a common human experience?"
It's the common human experience. It's the base of seeking-fear and trying to get to love. That's the seed in everybody. As soon as separation happens, this existential fear and the movement to try to get love and safety arise.
It's really profound that you saw that. That is the basis of the suffering.
Thank you.

[@gentlemanx7987]

For some that touched or even looked behind the veil, you can see it in their eyes, their expression and the little blank pauses... It is such a beautiful thing to witness. I send love.

[@gentlemanx7987]

Roger Costillo, yes.
🍀