They are just not that into you. The Black Male Gaze (Part 3).
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- Опубликовано: 28 сен 2024
- This video details the ways in which I felt invisible to Black men for 15 years.
My Website:
www.nnekaonyil...
My Book:
My Own Gaze: Memoir of an Invisible Black Woman
www.amazon.com...
I became visible to white and Indian men when I was 5’5 and 122 lbs and under; I became visible to black men when I became 140lbs and over and wearing my healthcare scrubs
I’d rather be visible to men that provide and protect regardless of their race
Tired of struggle love
And plan to get back to my pre struggle love weight of 122
Thank you for your comment. I think there is some level of truth to what you are saying, however, most Black women want to date and marry Black men. If what you are saying is true, there is no incentive for Black women to become thin if it won't increase the attention from the men that they really want.
@@nnekaonyilofor it will attract more upper class black men
Like the ones that probably went to diversified schools; and have successful in shape parents
I’ve known a few black men that prefer slim women
Think about it: when they take her out to an event they will get compliments
It’s more rare for a woman to be thin
It’s also more rare for a woman to have her own hair
These things are part of what makes a woman set apart in my opinion
I went to an all black high school for 3.5 years
The slim model chicks were the cheerleaders and popular girls
The black men that like heavier women are usually more on the ghetto side
But this is just my experience
I am in no way saying a heavier woman is ghetto because that is not true and I’m my opinion as a woman weight doesn’t determine beauty, face does but I’m just going by what I see
High value black men are usually w model type black women if they are with them at all
@@nnekaonyilofor also as a woman weight just keeps adding
A man figures if he marries you thin you will thicken up in time but he he marries you thick you will fatten up in time
I’m realizing how hard it is to be at a healthier weight because I’m older (mid 30s) as opposed to 20s
The weight thing to me is similar to the makeup thing
They will say:
Aw I want a natural woman but look at a woman w long hair and nice makeup
They will say I want a thick girl but how many black basketball players, ceos, school principles, politicians, any black man of status is with a thick girl
It’s not socially acceptable just like it’s not socially acceptable to have a short natural, like I have or speak Ebonics like I do and code switch when I go to work
I look at Ciara
There are black men that hate her body type but look at those men that hate; most of them are cheater types
She got Russel and no man is perfect but it appears he loves her and part of that love comes from his attraction that he got a wife that had more slim
Model like features that are actually rare on most black women due to our diet
I am by no means saying i personally think thick is less attractive but I’m saying in terms of the type of men you will attract
If Ciara was thicker and cut her hair like I did but also didn’t wear a wig Until she grew out her natural hair and straightened it I doubt Russel would ever turn an eye
Like I’m not attracted to fatterblack men or black men that don’t keep nice haircuts
But some women are
Attraction has to do with programming
If you grew up in a upper class neighborhood you are programmed to see thin as healthy
If you grew up in a lower class neighborhood you were programmed to see thin as sickly
I’d rather be w a man from a more upper class upbringing and neighborhood
@@chrisharris2367 are you a gay male ? You open my eyes to something.
@@chrisharris2367 I appreciate the way you broke this down. I think there is some truth to what you are saying too. The way we are socialized is very real.
Omg!! You literally just described my shocking experience living in the Midwest! I came to the US at 18 to school in Minnesota then transferred to North Dakota State and this attitude from African American men was obvious in both schools. AA men would literally try their hardest to not look me in the eye, they would never say hi or even be slightly friendly. It almost seemed like they intentionally did not want to acknowledge my existence. It was the weirdest thing I've ever experienced! I had no interest in them romantically, I just like you, like to acknowledge other black people i see in public since we're a minority. It had nothing to do with my looks, I am blessed with good looks, have always been fit and feminine so it was none of that. However, I'd see these same men be overly friendly with people of other races, it was as if they had multiple personalities. The recent NFL draft, all the black footballers from my alma mater were paired with non-black women. This is beyond a "love knows no color" conversation. There's definitely some deep internalized self hate among other issues going on.
Yes! Thank you for sharing your experience. It resonates with me so much. I also believe that there is some internalized self hate that is part of it. I cannot think of any other way to explain this. Smh.
The self hate that black men have, and their reason for dating anything but the black woman is somehow foisted upon the black woman. They all regurgitate the same narrative. It's always about hair, and attitude; as if white women don't wear wigs, weaves and clip-ons, and have bad attitudes.
I had similar experience and I couldn’t figure out why it was hard for them to even acknowledge or look my way. Then later I realize they are scared. Not all but some are actually scared to talk to BW, but some how comfortable with other races.
You nailed everything.
My Lord, My Lord, MY LORD! Y’all I believe that this is a Spiritual attack from the pit of hell against us…?!!! satan has always hated Black people and unity. It’s bad enough that that black families are broken and in great need of repair. This thing has been building for a long long time and now we are seeing this beast in its greater vileness. I’m so sorry about what I am clearly seeing with my on eyes. I just hope and pray that the evilness that’s being perpetrated against black women will be returned BACK to the SENDER‼️ IN JESUS NAME ♥️🕊.
I'm a 55 year old black man and I knew about 30 years ago that black women would be asking these questions as to why no black man wants to deal with them.
The era of talk to the HAND and looking Black men up and down like they were beneath black women was collectively a very disrespectful and lower classed way to reject men.
I believe that you have reaped what you have planted.
Wow.... I am not alone. I had similar experience here in Austin. Had to look elsewhere when it came to dating...
It is interesting that there are pockets of this happening all over the U.S. Very sad in my opinion.
Wow, I just made that same comment on the video. If you live in Austin you will have to look in San Antonio where the military guys are .
This was my experience growing up but I liked white guys anyways so I wasn't mentally affected by this. If anything it protected me from becoming a teen mom, sexual abused, physically abused, uneducated etc… Fast forward to today, (I'm married) and now black men try to talk to me, especially when they see me with my tall Russian husband.
Honestly, I have given up on bm. I experienced that they are super aggressive with bw for no reason and expect more than what they give. I feel like bm nowadays want to be courted and I'm not doing all that.
You are so right! Many of them think they are the prize. 🙄
Our you picked the aggressive ones
Could it be the effects of equality... Court them too🤷🏾♂️
No where she’s off at is … it’s hard to be natural and get the Gaze from them. My sister lives in MN and had neat dreads an do the organic thing. Now she picks up low value me because she’s considered low maintenance! And attract dusty men there in MN! I’m the opposite. Weaves , nails and all . Never had an issue in MN . I’m married with 4 children. They won’t see women like this. 😢
Yeah
Natural hair attracts cheap men
I have natural hair too
But wear wigs
I will say becoming slim attracts the most high value men of all races regardless of hair in my opinion
When you look at the wives of ceos pastors presidents leaders etc the wives are thin so I’m gonna focus on my weight not just my hair
I’m not overweight but want to get back to the attention I got before I got w my struggle dusty
I need to do a whole makeover haul
I’m married w 2 kids to a low value dusty
And need to do a makeover
Before meeting him I was higher maintenance but I need to get back to that
Really lost myself in this horrible marriage
For the record, I didn't have locs when I lived in MN. I wore my hair natural sometimes, but I often wore wigs and weaves hoping that would help. It may have gotten me a little bit more attention, but not very much because I have an afro-centric look in general.
Guess thats a MN thing. Speaking from a southern blk male prospective. We love natural women here and were im from. I've never in my life ever heard of a woman attracting a low value man for being natural. If your around low value or less desirable men then thats whats coming to you natural or not. Being natural to us shows she has confidence in herself and who she really is. As a man, we don't even care about the same things yall think we care about. Weave, wigs, nails, lashes, BBL, and in most cases makeup. We care nothing about that stuff. Because your real beauty is what you look without all that. Thats what we care about. Now, with all that crap on your just something to smash, but not to marry.
@@chrisharris2367 I think its mess up to call your husband a dusty when you married him and had two kids with him. At some point he did something right for yall to get married. Regardless whatever yall terms were yall both still agreed to them. And if he was a dusty before yall got married then what does that say about you?
Moving to a more hospitable location is exactly what the late Kevin Samuels often encouraged black women to do. I hope that the DMV is working better for you. That was my college stomping ground.
Yes, the DMV is so much better for dating than Minnesota was. Night & day.
8:02 this is how it should be as long as the woman does not willfully engage in reckless behavior and then expect a bail out. Any black male saying otherwise probably came from a single mother and is under developed... 🤷🏽♀ The single mother piece is why I bring the blame back to black women because the man that fathered the son was most likely not a protector so you can't expect it from his offspring. And then the cycle continues.
I know growing up in saint louis Missouri...black girls who weren't pretty yellow bones or beautiful redbones. I couldn't get no play....I approached darker skin women all through my teens always rejected.
The girls who would approach me were light skin girls and white girls and Asians and Hispanics. But sistas who were brown or dark skin didn't give me no play until I got much older. Even then those were sistas who much younger. No darker sista my own age gave me play until I was over 35...by 25 darker girls 18 and 19 started hollering at Me. But girls my own age never. My ex wife is darker than me ...she was 18 when she approached me and I was 30. I still attract light skin women but now I'm bigger and weigh more I attract more darker women.
Sad. Bless you Beautiful.💘
Props to you intelligent beautiful sister!
YT algorithm bought me here.. #DICE all I hear is sexual politics I'll be so glad when a large group of our sisters wake up and understand that they are the standard.. this is sad to listen to
Avoiding eye contact? It’s a trauma response. Lookin a bit and you’ll find guys who’s 2-3 crush turned them down badly. Apparently harsh rejections affect young boys/men than it does fully developed adult men. Same way adult black men avoids dating white women because he had been accused of assault or harassment as a teen/young man by white girls. This is not the case in neighborhoods with high numbers of black folks. A lot of people obviously need to heal old wounds. That healing can also actually come from a positive version of what hurt you.
i disagree with what some of stuff you saying, Outside of relationships and Sexual Attraction men have learn to avoid sistas for a different reason. They are tired of rejection so they just ignore sistas and avoid them. They dont want to waste time giving sistas valendation, black men have been traumatized by black women, an this issue is growing i hear brothers all over saying they dont give non sexual attention to sistas all over.
Interesting
Very interesting
Amount of projections and gaslighting in this 16 min video is ridiculous.
just asking, why would a man protect you, and you don't even smile at him, also how long does it take women to learn, if a man doesn't want you, he's not going to talk to you. Women have shown men all my life, if you're ugly get away from me, now the time has come you women have to learn it.
What!? That's ridiculous! You shouldn't have to be attracted to a person to say Hello. It costs Absolutely Nothing to be kind..And also, men of other communities will protect their women, regardless of if she "smiles" at him🙄
@@porchaflakes121 Not true
@@porchaflakes121 my protection is for women who are born with my DNA inside then. Or the woman who consented to having my DNA inside her. Outside of those two types of women, I owe nothing.
However, attraction is key. As a man I have no need for platonic female friends. If I'm sexually attracted to you. I don't even notice you or entertain you. Plus it's not safe to smile at random black women. It could cause a scene, get cursed out or get into an unwarranted altercation.
Asked men in general how they are treated by sistas when they smile or say hello. The vitriol they are met with.
@@porchaflakes121 Most women in "other communities" have HUSBANDS!!! Do women EVEN try get husbands? No man is OBLIGATED to do anything to protect random women. Men who choose to help women in distress do so at their OWN risk and are subject to SERIOUS injury or death. For those men who cannot work or lost their lives helping, these women are OBLIGATED to pay ALL medical bills, pay for missed work due to injury, and take care of these men's families for the rest of their lives in return for their help. Do women EVER think about any of this?
@@porchaflakes121? you think men are just out here protecting random women?
I'm African and I can 100% guarantee you that even here that nonsense isn't happening..not risking injury or my life protecting some unknown woman
I am a brown skinned woman with natural hair. Let me be specific. I have 4c natural hair. When I see a Black man and smile at him and expect to say hello they put their heads down to avoid speaking. Some not all. But most. I see a white man and often times he says hello makes small talk and goes out of his way to hold the door for me etc. It's really sad. I advise ALL Black women to work, live and shop in mixed racial neighborhoods. Date all races. I'm not against Black men. I'm for Black women being loved protected and respected.
Years ago I remember they would alway acknowledge you when u pass by or whatever. Honestly I would avoid passing by them for that reason.Now they don't give u a second look . Lol and that's fine with me. Also when I see a bm with another race of women.They usually try to go out of there way to say hello. That's been my experience here in California.
Thank you for sharing this!
@@too9593 Why do you think they go out of their way to say hi when with a woman of another race?
@@nnekaonyilofor I think he wants my approval and to still feel accepted. I don't know. That's the feeling I used to get years ago. Now days I don't know what the motive is. I wouldn't even acknowledge them I ignored when they said hello while with a non bw.
I not making excuses because I always talk to black women. Especially slim ones with natural hair.
How ever I will say a lot brothers are beat down by sistas so much. I remember I smiled at this thick chick. She had a weave but she had a nice thick body. I didn't approach her or say anything she was literally yelled wtf you looking at nigga.
I'm like you don't like be smiled at. Wow.
So some guys have just given up on talking to sistas. I know in highschool it was like only the snow bunnies thought I was handsome all the sistas saw me as not their type. But sistas was always my first choice so although I mess with other races I still date sistas as well..I never gave up.
But I will say the biracial women and snow bunnies and Hispanics always approach me.. it felt surreal like who me. You like me dayum you out my league but okay I'll go with you
In NYC growing up this was my truth. I’m 39 and I would always say black American men didn’t like me. I was called Whoopi, blacky etc… I was ridiculed for my black American features by them. This was family members included. I only attracted black people from other nationalities such as Jamaica, Dominican, Ghana, Panama etc… I’m not upset it kept me from becoming a teen mom, sexual abused, physically abused, uneducated etc… My theory from observation it’s generational self hate being passed down. The boys I grew up with had weird love/hate relationship with their mothers. The older men around would treat black women disgusting but treat white hispanic women, Caucasian women nice and gentle. Even when it came to colorism the light skin child couldn’t play because they could ruin their glorified light skin. The dark skinned children didn’t receive as much tenderness. The closer proximity to whiteness for black American men is a win.
This is painful, and yet everything that you are saying resonates.
Wow. I mean we also have some kind of colorism in africa but this is on another level
@@africaine4889 I lived in UK and Germany. My ex husband is Ghanaian and the issues are no better. Africans aren’t any better the self hate is just not as overt but is covert. The proximity to whiteness is definitely celebrated. We all have work to do.
@@SJP43 i lived in Europe and also in Africa. And again the colorism is not like that where i lived in Africa.
I love dark skinned black women and as a dark skinned black man I know i need to go to Africa to be with a dark skinned black woman
Its also hurtful when your a Black Man who absolutely loves black women, has never dated a white women, and a virgin (on purpose) in his thirties waiting for his black queen until marriage and invisible to black women. ~We do exist. (DMV is my home)
Thank you for this. You are very rare. A unicorn. I’m happy to hear that you have not given up on Black women.
It’s not as rare as you think. You didn’t consider the fact that there many black men that are also invisible to black women?
@@eujinlee9936it is rare. How old are they? The vast majority of black men aren’t virgins at 30
@@Asfghjahsgf I didn't mean the virgin part lol. I meant it's not that rare to find a black man that holds out for sisters and who's invisible to black women.
Or a black man who has always loved black women and would never turn his back on them… sadly I’m taking a step back from dating since I refuse to go outside the race. Im not happy with the current state of black men and black women. We seriously need to come together and hear eachother out and recieve eachother spiritually mentally and physically respectfully or it will inevitably continue to worsen
Here in Washington State it is all too common to see black men paired up with white women. Everything you're saying is true. They will walk past you and as if you're invisible. There have been times when there would be a black man with a Becky or a Karen and he would speak one or two ways: a slight head nod, or, wait until she's not looking and then speak. The way I see it. A lot of these black men will use any excuse not to date a black woman. They are the only ones hung up on skin tone, and hair texture. That whole bs about black women not wearing their "natural" hair is really a disguise for them wanting a "specific" looking black woman, or what they consider to be a black woman;anything light, biracial, or racially ambiguous🤦🏾♀️💯
Wow. I have heard this about the part of the country you are in. All very disturbing as I consider places on my "bucket list" that I want to travel to. Smh.
@@nnekaonyilofor Yeah, unfortunately, for as beautiful as the state is, trying to find black men that aren't linked up with white women is hard. I would tell anyone, that if you want to visit visit. But trying to find romance as a black woman in this state, let alone, the city of Seattle🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
Any would we want to talk to such loud aggressive women
@@mikolowiskamikolowiska4993 With a name like that, I can tell you have no business being on this page. Remind the class what a Karen is? Oh, yeah a racist, loud, aggressive, tantrum throwing, violent, self entitled white woman 💯
Not true. I'm familiar w/ W state and B men. Guys look for cooperation, not hair. If bras wanted a W girl, they would just get one. Why would you wear their hair? Bras actually get nervous when there's too much warpaint. ATL transformer vibe. Naturally cute 4 the win. Too many gadgets means you don't have it. Drink h20, walk 30m/day, smile = 99% of what sistahs won't do. You're welcome.😊
Some of us get tired of constantly being cussed out or nasty glances when we try to talk to black women, it’s hurtful when you don’t realize it’s a two way street. Many brothers who don’t follow TV black culture get no love
What type of women was he going towards ???black women are NOT a monolith
@@Asfghjahsgf I'm speaking for myself, and it's from different women that I randomly bump into in places like Watts/south central Los Angeles
Even in Austin TX you will see most BM 45 and younger are dating out. It was like an epidemic 🤦🏾♀️. Also, I noticed some BM was scared to even look at BW. I’m so disappointed at.
This is so sad!
What do you expect from women who want men to take them how they are. When y’all don’t take men how they are. Everything is a fight with you women. There is no peace and y’all make sure of that. For the last 50 years.
Hi, thank God you young women have the interwebs. This is not a new phenomenon. I am 60 and the exact same thing has been happening since I was 13 if not before. I live in London Great Britan and the black guys are the exact same. I have never had a relationship with a nlack man because I never wanted to be bedded as a teenager and left with children as my sisters were. On the underground, if should even inadvertently lock eyes with a black man, he would prefer to throw himself down an escalator rather than casually meet your gaze. It's pathological. I taught jn a male prison, some of the inmates couldn't bare the fact that I was the teacher giving instructions. Their attitude stank! Me, as a dark skinned black woman in a very minor position of authority, giving instructions? Unacceptable in their eyes. I had a very light skinned irredeemably ugly inmate 'shooing' black women' towards white men that may or may not like black women because men like him preferred the Swedes and the Finnish. HE WAS IN PRISON! He somehow couldn't comprehend that he had done something to limit ALL his options but, in his mind, he was still superior to me. At this advanced age, I am still so disappointed at the betrayal of black men even though I married and had children outside my race. If I wanted children in a stable environment, that was my only option! My daughter of mixed heritage has other issues with black men because she is the preference, a position she hates and has no time for. My son, who lives in his own world, can't even believe that attitude is even real!
Wow. So this is happening across the pond as well. A global phenomenon. 🤦🏽
@@nnekaonyilofor transgenerational self-hate
As a black man, its extremely difficult to approach black women because most of them wear the B face a lot of the time vs white women, it always feels you're at war trying to date a lot of black women and its Does not have to be, not to mention the expectation of a lot wanting u to foot the bill a lot of the time for an outing which i don't find with other races, All i can say is Dating black women is Very different than dating white women as a black man and this is small city Canada, the way other races turn u down is very different from how i've been turned down from my own, there is a lot of rudeness that i have experienced when i've approached a lot of black women, so i don't bother anymore.
Losing weight helps a lot
These black men want you heavier so no other men look at yoU
I plan to get back to my pre struggle love weight
I’m 5’5 and 135-140
I look best at 120-128
Time to get in the gym and shed this struggle dust
Facts
as a black man we prefer skinny women.
We like thick women for sex, and slim women for marriage
Actually I see BM dating out and the ladies are looking very homely. Most of the ladies out side of BW are not even in shape like they claim.
@@justbrook4956 Black men with low-value and homely non-Black women... and primarily Caucasian women, are LOW-VALUE Black men. Homely, sorry, and dead-last non-Black women are for broke and sorry Black men. Solid middle and upper class, and top-tier Black men will NOT be caught with non-Black rejects and bust-downs.
I’m SO glad you said this!!! Black women… it’s TIME TO GET OUR GLOW ON and KEEP IT MOVING 😘♥️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️♥️I know WE can
Wow. All I can say. Had no clue this was how it was in certain parts of the country. I myself have a “mixed” look so that may also contribute to how I’ve experienced the world around me
Yes, thank you for acknowledging that your appearance impacts your experiences. When I tell people in the Washington, D.C. area about this experience, they are shook. 😯
@@nnekaonyilofor definitely disheartening to hear. Simple acknowledgment and human decency will not cause you to burst into flames.
Black men have fought tooth and nails to be with women of every other nation. It is their soul purpose in life.
This is very sad.
80% of black men are married to black women. It's sad you don't know this
That's a lie😂
Yet, majority of black men are married to black women just in the States alone.
😂😂😂😂 this comment.
This is an epidemic. The same happens here in California
Not the first time I heard about Cali. An epidemic indeed.
Guys are going for certain types in California.. especially younger men..
Part of the reason is women of other races chase these men..until I adopted a thug persona at 16 it was mostly non black girls chasing me like crazy
@@metalhead2583what? So who are they dating?
I noticed this right away when I visited MN, and i didn't even live there!! This is SOOO VERY TRUE!!! It is certainly a Trend!!!
Yes, it was an interesting experience and I am glad that I moved!
It’s not a trend genius. It’s a numbers game. It’s statistics. I can’t imagine myself going somewhere 80% white and saying BW don’t choose me because I see the 3% of black women there with white men lol 😂. There’s ONLY 3%. But I’m a man and my credo is common sense. I wouldn’t have taken it personally I would’ve just moved way before 15 years.
It’s not a trend genius. It’s a numbers game. It’s statistics. I can’t imagine myself going somewhere 80% white and saying BW don’t choose me because I see the 3% of black women there with white men lol 😂. There’s ONLY 3%. But I’m a man and my credo is common sense. I wouldn’t have taken it personally I would’ve just moved way before 15 years.
I'm black woman I say I didn't have this issue. I had nice body before I had a baby. My issue I had with African American and African was they want sex. I had put them in the none dating Group. But If I grown up city I was born in I might have her issue. But my family move to area that live in now.
yes with out sex i would never have gotten married. my ex wife and i had a purely sexual relationship for the first two years. every serious LTR i had started off as purely sexual at first.
Same. If she don’t give it up she don’t like you 😂
@@genovasquez8361 These women are full of BS - they're giving away sex for free to sorry men and then complain about "getting used" or "tricked" by slick-talking men. It's crap - women give up EASY sex to f**kboys every day and they're glad to do it!!
@@kevinc3342 man that's why I'm a F-boy. I meet this chicks an be like I'm Tyrone but homies call me Ray Ray.
If you think men don't want sex then you're playing yourself... Women want perks of relationships without giving the same to men why should we stand for that?
I''m curious. How do black women know these black men are African American? I find it very odd. If they dont talk to you, how do you know? Most of my mother's family lives in MInnesota. They are Panamanian. Alot of them dont date American women...but how would you know they are AA? I was born in this country, No one can look at me and tell my parents were not from here. I just find this complaint really odd. Later she says she dated AFricans, weird.
There's beauty in everyone. You're gorgeous with your natural African features #team. All we can do is focus of our fitness & our talent.
Thank you so much for the compliment and for watching. 🙏🏾
As a black man born and raised in Africa I find this interesting. I’ve only ever known black women. When I moved to the US I naturally gravitated towards the black girls coz that’s home base for me. I got a bit of backlash when I told a white girl at the gym that I only like black girls as a romantic partner. I dated white girls, latinas ( love them) and Indian but I always preferred the black girl even though the white girls treated me like royalty. I would love to see black women date outside their race. I have some great white, Latino friends who will treat a black girl like a queen. Keep an open mind and date outside, don’t limit yourself.
Are you Ghanaian or Nigerian
Hey 👋🏽 new subscriber here if you haven’t already check out Cynthia G’s channel. She breaks down BM’s mindsets.
Yes, I am familiar with Cynthia G. Thank you for subscribing. 🙏🏽
OH YES! She brings the heat.
Sympathetic, but can we just be honest with each other? If it's not from a guy you're interested in, do you really have grounds to complain about not getting "acknowledgment"? And the proposition about a supposed natural right to acknowledgment from another human being is also baloney. Primarily because men know it doesn't cut both ways. "Acknowledge" a woman who isn't interested in you, no matter how human you are, and you're a creep. There's a joke in here somewhere about being seen by men you wish were invisible, which shows this whole premise could have been handled much more honestly and efficiently with humor.
Idk how ??????
Maybe I am African, but I've never found other races attractive. I've never dated outside of my race even when I attended Bronx Community College.
I think a lot of these dudes yall running into are just not good people. It kinda boils down to that.
Can i ask.. are you a man?
@@1991-present Yes. Get to your point.
@@A_JoshOfAllTrades why are you being rude.
@@1991-present I'm just direct in my communication style depending on questions or responses. But again, yes, I am a man.
@@A_JoshOfAllTrades ok.
BW are not very competitive in the dating market. They get outworked by their competitors, In all aspects.
Thank you for your comment. Why do you think this is the case?
He’s wrong but to humor him let’s say its actually true I’d argue it’s only true because black men make sure it stays that way.
How would a black woman thrive in a European standard way of dating? Black women’s hair doesn’t grow downward only up. Black women are rarely ever pale skinned. Black women will never look like white women. So bringing up competition makes no sense. We are our own standard.
there is no competition. we are totally different aesthetically.
The issue lies in black men being self haters on a grand scale. They usually are too emasculated in their manhood to contain any ounce of self love.
So when they see black women they only see what they don’t want to be anymore, themselves. So that’s why they reject us…and they train the rest of the world to reject us too.
Pure 🗑️ 🚮 if you ask me.
@@BlissedxAll you name was superficial, beauty “standards”, which is not the issue. The lack of competition is in the weight, the traditional gender roles, and the natural femininity. Any woman of any shade or hair texture can be beautiful. Doesn’t matter if she’s black as coal or white as the snow.
Young Women have to understand. Men have been verbally and physically abused by their Mother and the other Women in the Family. The reason why so many Black Men don't say anything to Black Women. Majority of Black Women bash them. Black Women will get smart with Black Men. Treat Black Men like they are nothing and always want to challenge him.
Interesting point of view.
Smart bm? Lol The data says there aren't many.
Well, it has been a year since you made this video. Do you _understand_ now?
I definitely have more insight, but still don’t like it lol.
You are a BEAUTIFUL woman. Thanks for sharing you’re experience.
Thank you for the compliment and thanks for watching. 🙏🏾
@@nnekaonyilofor You’re welcome 🌹
When we say nothing, we're the problem. When we say something, we're the problem. LOL
Baw have been ACTUALLY screaming they dont need a man for DECADES, practicing the highest level of hypergamy while being the most difficult to deal with and least to reciprocate and now head scratchin as to why bam have bowed out to play with others..smh.
Never satisfied
She’s a typical feminist tether
From my experience, black women don't look at me at all. I see them and they act like they are too good for me but, a white girl will say hello, how are you today? That is odd to me.
Definitely in Pittsburgh. Completely go out of their way to avoid BW. Not only that, but would make it their business to scoop up any WW. At the time, there was zero other ethnicities up there. Thank God I moved back to the DMV. Within 3 weeks of being back, I had met a amazing BM that I've been with for years. In all of the 8 yrs. being in Pittsburgh, not one eligible, ( working, car, a gentlemen ) BM ever materialized. Some of my friends that still live there are singing the same tune. My answer still remains to be , " Move to a larger African American location.
You just captured my life in your comment!
As a black man who isnt 6' and over, with chiseled abs and a fat bank account....WELCOME TO MY WORLD!
I feel you!
PREACH
Same here in Europe. A lot of the decent Black men will date or marry White women mainly then Latina or Asian. I would love to date a black man who is husband material but most of them prefer dating women outside of their race. I date mainly white men but it's not my first choice entirely
Wow, that is sad to know that this issue is also global/in Europe also.
@@nnekaonyilofor it's really sad. I decided to try my chance in the African continent and so far so good
Your in minny and making opinions on blk men taste. Come to chicago or Detroit and I bet you will change your tune.
I think you are right.
I live in Detroit. My entire life white men have tried to get at me
I only attract careibeans very unhappy about that where are the African American men???did they all die out in the north???
Great questions. They didn't die out, they just date outside their race as their preference. I'm not against it, but certainly didn't want to continue to see it thrown in my face.
What's wrong with Carribean men?
Two thirds of black people in the North are first generation immigrants.
They are in the south
What city and state are you in?
Nnecka, I wholeheartedly agree with you about what you say. I believe your insight on this topic. What you’ve experienced is very real and sad. God help us all🙏🏽😔💟
Thank you Beverly. 🙏🏾
I lived in Iowa City for 4 years, same experience, no lies told here.
Oh yea. I have been to Iowa once...and never went back lol.
I’ve had this very same experience she’s describing in Atlanta around black women. If you don’t look like you in the trap all day, they pay you no mind here 🤷🏾♂️
Interesting. My question would be how you could be sure that these were Black American men. There are of tons of Somali men in Minnesota who often look and speak like Black American men.
Yikes! I’m African so maybe this is strange to me, I live in Europe and I’m always open to everyone, I’ve dated all and open to always pleasant to all!
I never understood the division.
Being open to everyone in some parts of the U.S. means everyone but Black women lol.
I always tried talking to black women but they never responded or would give me a nasty look 👀. It became clear to me that most black women hate me, I’m scared to approach random black women in public.
I appreciate your honesty and sharing about your experience with BW.
@@nnekaonyilofor thank you for listening
You gotta keep praying and keep trying and don’t give up we see you trust me. But we get rejected a lot so we can’t just approach y’all like that
I can understand that. 🤗
Interesting perspective. I think your experience is common, because often black women seem to find joy in rejecting Black men in public. A simple ‘hello’ could set her off. From my personal history, undergrad and grad school, I do not think I ever approached a black woman or even spoke to them in public. In those years, and many following, I honesty can’t remember even one time. This was an era in time when ‘street harassment’ was making the headlines. I found other races of women very welcoming and generally happy to see me. Maybe black women, at a conference like Essence festival, could have some closed door meetings to fix the very real attitude problem. It might be also a time to deal with the generalize lack of respect that blk women have towards black men. While individual blk women might like the Black male gaze, as a collective, many seem to take it for granted and the rest of them must live the experience that you described in this video. My suggestion is that black women that want to meet more black men should approach these men in public and start a conversation. I hope it helps.
If you’re not a follow boy / thug, American BW are probably not in your best interest. They have zero clue how to deal with masculine men who are prepared to lead.
Congrats on your book. I will buy it for sure
Thank you! 🙏🏾
Confining this to African American men rather then Americans of Afro diasporic heritage might be problematic being that afro Caribbean Americans share a lot with other American blacks
Your views here were very distorted .
Not one time does these bw ever ask why bm avoid them..not one time did these women ever look at themselves and their attitudes…
Bw don’t need to ask.. bm shout it from the rooftops
I'd love to know the benefits to dating them
I plan to do a future video about the pros and cons of Black love.
Maybe, they thought you were African, and not a Foundational Black American black woman?
That could be true, but would that still be a reason not to speak? 🤔
@@nnekaonyilofor Africans who come to America diss Foundational Black Americans culture just as bad as white Americans! A few have voiced their disgust honoring Black History month and MLK holiday! Foundational Black Americans will not ever embrace you! Africa shouts, come back to Africa! For what? Slaves and their descendents help build America and Foundational Black Americans are at home here! They do not support the Africans at the Mexican borders, trying to enter illegally in America! They go back to Africa!
@@hairyape3935 The division between Africans and African Americans is so real.
Men like women with long natural thick real hair and most black women have fake hair we also like childless women most black women already have kids so we normally go for what's best for our future
As a black man I have dated nothing but black women all my life. Living in the Phoenix area now I rarely see black couples in real life or in the media nowadays. There is definitely an agenda. I also see black women dating out here more than I see the black men doing it though I do see plenty of that as well. I hate to see our community in shambles like this and us at each others throats.
The agenda is working 😢.
Why is it when BM make a conscious decision to uphold WW and white supremacy, it's "an agenda"? No, it's Y'ALL voluntarily betraying your own people. Nobody is making you do it. You choose to, and you need to own that.
@@Lynn.B. I haven’t voluntarily betrayed “us” nor do I uphold white women or put them on a pedestal. I have never been in a relationship with one. I have only dated black women who look like me and have the same experiences and culture that I do. My current and hopefully last girlfriend is also black just like me.
@@patrickhutchings566 When I say "you," I don't mean you personally, I mean the collective of BM of which you are a part. You are not engaging in the same behaviors as the BM I'm referring to, but you ARE giving them an out by attributing their self-determined behavior to "an agenda." There is no agenda that can make you do something you truly don't want to do. Attributing BM's constant betrayal of BW to an agenda or a conspiracy is taking the onus off of them, and that's whack, whack, WHACK.
@@Lynn.B. I do not know where you are but where I am here in Phoenix black women are dating white men and other races at a greater rate than they are dating there own. If you have an issue with black men dating out which I do then you should have an equal problem when your fellow sisters do it as well. There definitely is an agenda in the media just look at most commercials, tv shows and movies in the last few years.
BW have spent the last few decades broadcasting they don’t need a man.
You have to consider the experience of the average young black man who is trying to build himself and how he has been treated by his female peers his entire life. Once he finds his path and starts to develop confidence and external worth, now BW are asking why isn’t he talking to me. It’s subconsciously insulting.
This conversation that you’re having with yourself as an adult, the BM has already had this conversation within himself ten years prior with the opposite sex as well.
Encourage BW to treat black boys better by providing their sons with suitable fathers who can relate to them and help them not feel alone in their growth and tell them to stop teaching their daughter that BM and boys do not have value outside of money and sperm.
Most of the things women complain about, they are the root to their own problem.
Can I take you out on a date
this is definately the case in London.
Hey is it true that there is single black women in the US. I need to come over to find a wife
There is an abundance of them here!
Many BM don’t have a choice but to go to other communities. These type of BM are NOT cool with being apart of a matriarchy.
This is simply not true. I have experienced interracial friends, lovers and roommates and I can see through this false statement.
@@candyxoxo19 You’re not a BM and I’m sure you don’t see anything wrong with a black matriarchy.
I am a black american and i prefer brown and dark skin black women especially with ethnic hairstyles... You ladies could very well speak first. With todays climate blk men may not speak or look because a lot of times black women will ignore you. They also suspect you of being some sort of creep for looking a second too long admiring your beauty so that's likely why you may perceive them as avoiding eye contact. Often they won't say thank you for opening and holding doors for them so that's that. Friendly polite and welcoming black women are a rarity.
5:17 Where did this idea come from? I grew up around white people. I live and work with white people, and I have never heard any one saying they want to be like a black person, women or men. I’m sorry, but we’re not aspirational among other races.
Did you ever take the step to ask the black men in your community....Why? If they were all (or most of them) acting this way, why not just ask Why...and get the answer.
I would theorize that they felt what we all felt, that as BW have a low level of disdain for their male counterparts. Where other ethnicities value and respect thier men, thoroughout thier lives those BM have felt the opposite, hence you see thier reaction.
If you haven't asked, understand that, maybe you just didn't feel you (should or) have to...and that within itself is problematic. Because if someone you cared for stopped talking to you, you'd pull them aside and say "hey man, what's the deal...are we cool, did I say soemthing...what's up?"
(mic drop).
So throughout this video you've done something that I (and I assume the men you're mentioning) see practiced frequently. You're complaining, but you aren't asking why, or speaking to men about it.
Maybe, those men who ignored you had the average male (especially black male) experience in America which is to be invisible to most women, especially black women. That’s why so many athletes and other “high value men” go for the Beckys. Because most of what they know is pain and frustration with black women.
Are you black American? I definitely have found this to be true out on the west coast. Can't say the same down south and in places such as Chicago. I haven't visited MN so I am inexperienced. Thanks for sharing!
BW don’t like to compete. She said she was a big girl the entire time while everyone around her is slim and athletic built. Did she change anything? Nope. She just complained that 3% of black men who lived there, chose slim white women and ignored her, whom was a BBW.
Black women,
I love you
I see you
And I wouldn’t marry anybody but you.❤️
-25 y.o black male
Hello I just watched your video and I know this is an old video I'm sorry that you went through that in Minnesota but if I was there I would have been by your side because you are gorgeous
Sorry to hear that Sis. People(male/female) unfortunately, that did not do well in the genetics lottery, have this experience with the opposite sex. Where white men "seeing you" as you say?
You're beautiful black women never been to Minnesota but I as a black man find you beautiful that is so sad 😔
Sometimes i feel like they think that saying "hi" means we want to jump them fir relationship. People be so awkward, i live in Germany and sadly, these black people here have changed me. I cannot count how many times i got home feeling hurt for being ignored for trying to make eye contact or noding to a black on the streets and by the way, I'm married, just didn't know when we started ignoring each other to this degree. It's sad.
I lived in Maryland for many years and though we be so many blacks we 90% of the time still acknowledged each other everyday day, everywhere.
Wow! It is even happening in Germany! Smh.
Southern California
Does the same phenomenon happen in Southern Cali?
@@nnekaonyilofor yes girl, bad.
@@justfit71 Ok...now thinking about it, I have heard about some of the issues with this in Cali. Ugh!
@@nnekaonyilofor Black men in California worship other groups of women. Lol, I mind my business and stay away.
I lived in Minnesota, I know exactly what you mean.
None AA black men "see you", as you say, was that not enough for you?
🧢
Your Eyes are wide open . I myself see the very same things every day ; just speak & keep going
Currently living in MN and I too have experienced this.
Please elaborate
Just seeing your comment. I can’t wait for the day when it is a thing of the past for you!
What does a Black man do who is going through the same thing in Denver Colorado? It is another interracial Mecca of America. I was with a dark skinned Black woman for 20 years. Since we broke up I've been pretty much ignored by dark skinned Black women. The attention I do get is from women who's lives are a complete mess. The saying is go where you're loved. All I want is a another good Black woman, but the women who show me the most love are tall, white women and married, middle-aged Spanish speaking women. Nothing makes sense anymore.
Wow. Thank you for your comment Steve. I rarely think about men having this same problem. And yes, I can definitely understand how real the struggle is in Denver! Perhaps the solution might be to meet a Black woman when you travel to other parts of the country. Maybe you will meet someone who is willing to move to Denver. 🤷🏾
Do a video on why men aren't approaching women. Any more
Since you are saying this I believe it. I know you aren’t a BM hater so this experience must be true.
I tell no lies here.
How old is your daughter?
If you black women constantly call black men bulletbags or dusties why would a black man go out of his way to protect you or bother with you?
Because over time this is what I’ve known to be a truth. Now I have accepted it I know longer care about any blk male. Not for protection love growth NOT a THING. Done ✅
@@elenawalker517 Cool then just live your life don't worry about black men and we definitely won't worry about you. Easy peasy nice and breezy.
I don’t call Black men dusties.
The bm who are dusty are dusty. Don't be dusty.
New sub✨
Thank you! 🙏🏽
A whole lot of swirling going on in Colorado
Yes! I have seen that in Colorado.
@@nnekaonyilofor it seemed like black people don’t speak to each other much their either
@@traveler7117 Yup, the dynamic is very similar to Minnesota. I suppose Black folks are trying to "blend in" in these places. Smh.
Reasons and Solutions Men arent noticing you:
The male gaze is purely based off two things, Lust and Non intimidating.
If you look like the type of woman that always rejected them back in junior high and high school by their 20s they will just stop approaching you.
Food for thought: Men see all women, No woman is invisbile, Men just actively ignore certain women.
men have self esteem issues and also insecurities.
The proverb: "who hurt you" it was probably his first or second and some cases a parade of girls he had a crush on who rejected him in his coming of age years.
Also men are hunters of those who are deem easy women to get, unfortunately for me non black women were just easier to get. So most men never change and never learn how to become more attractive to sistas. If you live in a state or go to a predominatly white school. Chances are men will focus on what gives him the most options.
As a man if i went to school with only 5 black girls and 1000 white girls, i probably wouldnt date any of the black girls. Because if we broke up that would kill my psyche. i wont delve into detail.
But as black guy coming to age early 90s. i had to learn how to attract black girls, We werent emotionally and mentally comptipatible.
White girls have always chased me, and other races too. They would orbit around me, actually flirt, an always showed interest. i didnt really get that treatment from sistas until i did thugmaxing and learn how to run game and be a playa. i stop being the nice guy and became the bad boy. An i been pulling sistas ever since.
Some of what i did was personality change, but also my gear change. i got some jordans and stop wearing my air walks because i was a skateboarder.
i learn how to roller skate since that was something all black girls were into.
I worked on my phyisque and did sit ups and push ups and ran, an developed a six pack, i changed up my hair style. sistas perfered the guys who had texturizer in their hair back in those days so i got rid of my low cut. An grew my hair out. I had quasi good hair so add some activtavor gel and wah la.
i learn how to walk with swagga and talk urban. Stop speaking so much proper english. An i dressed according to female gaze. No more thrasher gear
Eastlands, Jordans, Tommy Hill Figer, Guess, and Polo
i wore cologne like polo sport, natuica.
i got a curly top with a fade on the sides, an in high school every friday i would wear a full suit.
i got alot of black girl attention by doing all that.
before the only girls who noticed me were asian, white and hispanic and few africans. But not Black American sistas.
Solutions: We as men love women with natural hair. My ex wife is skinny like 121lbs with dread locs. But she approached me i didnt approach her. not for her look but because she was only 18 and me being alot older i didnt think she was interested.
Reasons men go for girls with eye lashes, tattoos, make up and weave....they are less intimdating. We see them as hood chicks, and not upper tier women, we dont deem them as out of our league. An although they are not what we want, many of us feel thats all we can get.
Solutions is be flirtations, make your prescence known, do what white girls do, orbit around the man, gaze into eyes playfully or lustfully. Show interest or just out right compliment him with enthusaisiam. Make him blush, this will weaken his resolved. If you are a girl who intimidates him because he mostly gets rejected by girls like you these things will help.
You dont need a big ole booty but if your slim show skin, Belly, Cleavage, Thighs and in some cases cheeks.
If your at a pool or beach show as much booty as possible. leave nothing to a mans imagination. Because we are not right brand like you.
We are visiual. Our imagination is not what intriques us, its what is guranteee that attracts me.
You dont have to be trashy with it. But always show atleast three parts of skin. This will make his lust override his fear and anxiety.
If a guy says Dayum he gonna risk rejection because the reward outweighs it.
Dont wear all that make up but use lip gloss, gold jewelry modestly and perfume that make you smell like something he can eat. Not the flowery stuff but more fruity or sweet. dont wear weave unless it looks like afro or some natural hair texture.
The key is to override his insecurites because it may be black girls like you hurt him. Growing up even when i did attract sistas it was always light skin sistas, i didnt get my first dark sking girlfriend until i was almost 30. the only black girls checking for me where yellow bones growing up. infact my highschool sweet heart is high yellow hazel eyed pretty girl who approached me first, i didnt shoot my shot at her. i was too busy getting rejected by dark skin girls.
Solution: Change location, Go to places black guys hang at. For the black girls it was the pool, the mall, the skating rink, an later the clubs. there are other places i met black girls like the DMV, court house where you pay property tax. and other places.
But find things men like doing for hobbies thats open to the public.
Solution #2 start shooting your shot, approach men, gaze how they react if they like you or if you intimidate them. You have the most advantage if your
- Young
- at the gym
- at work
if your younger and like older black men in their 30s and 40s. you will get them easy because you are most preferrred but also most intimidating. You can literally be bold if your young and be like I like you can i get your number, 50% of older guys will go for it...the ones who dont either need more convincing because they think your too good to be true. or he married or he is into men.
At work men are afraid of being ostracized or getting in trouble so a guy will feel flatter and happy if you approach him, now you cant be as bold as younger girl, but you can tell outright we should get to know each other outside of work are you down, or be like hmm you smell so good, or dang your fine, we should hang out or talk.thats overt approach, the covert approach, Also be open to flirting lightly with looks, show guys kindness, be friendly and always smiling. It make a man see you as easy to get. Because your always around.
At the Gym, just wear short shorts, show off your thighs and little booty. wear form fitting clothing, wear something that incenutates your cleavage, an spark up conversation around guys. if you catch them on the parking lot be overt and let him know your interested. Always check with black guys keep staring at you, those guys you approach.
Location: the problem is wyoming, minnesota, or iowa is places were there arent alot of options. So if you utterly refuse to learn game and male psychology. Then move to Atlanta, California, Florida or Detroit or somewhere that blacks are every where. Other wise if you want men in your surrounding area learn the game.
Thank you for your thorough reply and all of your advice!
@@nnekaonyilofor your welcome. Thank you for responding. Good luck.
You can tell your daughter to go and chase men. Women should never ever chase men especially bottom of the totem pole BM. Your epistle makes no sense except for pickmes and mammies might appreciate your spew.🙄
@@maryqueenofscots3006 there will always be girls who chase men and get the guys they want . And there will be left over women who will only have the men who will settle for them because she is his best option.
Men typically approach what they think they can get, not who they truly desire. Men never chase the women of their dreams. They chase women who are low hanging fruit.
This was solid advice . As a black man I whole heartedly agree. I doubt that women are going to take it though. Women tend to scoff at making moves toward men.
im 45 year old black man i prerfer slim to skinny women, how ever i mostly go for black women, i have dated multi races, but my first choice is black women.
In high school i was sought after by mostly non blacks, until i got me some swagger and edge.
Most sistas are attracted to men who have swag and edge, not intellect. i use to lead with my mind and intelligence, now i lead with swag. An the type of women who approach me change.
i am black man and i love skinny girls. my ex wife was 18 when i met her and size 3. i was 30.
Ur here to gaslight??
@@too9593 no, telling the truth.....as a brother if you want sistas to be attracted to you, you need to have a little hood in you.
I'm a 37 yr old black man and youre SPOT ON! I liked black girls in high-school but I was viewed by them as lame and wanting to be white because I had morals, didn't curse, sag my pants and was clean cut. Today me and another("nerdy") black guy are some of the only ones who have our lives together, stayed out of trouble and have decent jobs
🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆!!