One additional thing to add about “selecting” your kids’ friends: not only do you want your kids to be good kids so that they attract good kids; more importantly, I would say, is to be the kind of parent that attracts parents with good kids. Live your values, be honest, and become the best version of yourself you can. By doing so, you’ll attract similar people, with kids that you’ll want your kids to be around.
Even if one is not particularly religious, I think that church would be an excellent place to meet other parents with good morals and values, and whose children would mirror the same
@@big_red_machine3547 church? for morals and values? what planet do you live on? Not interested in having any children tell my kids they're burning for eternity for not believing in their god
As a kid who came from a highly dysfunctional family, was ignored by mydivorced parents, not properly socialised, went on to become a lonely, friendless kid and then a drug addicted teen & young adult, I totally endorse what Dr J P says here.By the grace of God I was able to turn that all around, but many don't.
that was your choice i grew up alone taking care of my sisters the house without feeling the need for any addiction, i cared loved my parents they worked hard long hours to provide for us. Family works together and the love without using words means we assume certain respons😅blities without bring asked or nit. It is selfish to blame others for self destruction by being weak and following trends or wrong doing
@@misamisa2677 it sounds like you grew up with a family and that you experienced love, so I'm not sure why you say you grew up alone. But that's not the point I want to make. I didn't blame anyone, but I made a causal connection between growing up totally alone (with NO socialisation & no family or friends) and substance abuse. This is not something I made up: we know the connection between childhood rejection/abandonment and substance abuse exists. Since you have so little information with which to form a judgement about me, ie that I was weak , speaks more to what kind of person you are than it says about me.
@@misamisa2677 You had a great childhood if you lived with your siblings. Trauma whether mental or physical does lead to a higher possibility of substance abuse.
Honestly, this book ‘Raising Warriors: Preparing Your Children For a Godly Life’ gave me the encouragement I needed to stay strong in raising my kids with Christian values, it’s comforting to know Im not alone on this journey
I love playing with my kids. They can’t get enough of it it seems. But what’s crazy to me is that when I play with them with other kids around, I get swarmed. If other kids see me swinging my kids around, or tossing them in the air, or wrestling with them, it doesn’t matter if it’s at church, or at a playground, or even in a store, other kids notice and come over, because they want to play too. Other parents are bewildered, because I’m just a stranger (albeit clearly harmless, because I’m playing with my own kids) but their kids are just drawn to me and will stand there ready to take their turn - which gets awkward quick, and the kids are always disappointed when I can’t play with them. It’s worse when our friends come over and bring their kids, because since the kids know me, they’re willing to push my kids out of the way to ensure they get a turn (sometimes ignoring their own parents in the process). The point being, playing with children is a superpower that more parents need to be aware of
You literally described me. From the second my son could walk I was playing with him in the community circle. By now he’s a neighborhood favorite and all the older kids and some of the same age kids flock to him the second he steps outside with me. And before I know it the older kids have me playing with them too. But their parents seem very distant for the most part. I have no problem joining in with the games, but they tend to watch from a distance.
@@weaponson3-158 so... to stay in the subject at hand: you are the dad they want to play with, but is your kid the kid they want to play with or is your kid the gateway to you? It seems to me that you should be carefull to not steal your kids momentum. I would go as far is saying that you werent a popular kid when you were young and now you get that validation through your kid and by that outshining your own kid in the process. Before you say anything: im projecting at this point because i found myself in your situation a while ago and stopped myself.. Curious to see if this true or im wrong?
2:05: 👥 The primary responsibility of a parent is to encourage their children to be socially desirable and have high-quality peers. 5:44: 🤝 The optimal marriage is a union of two individuals who complement each other's weaknesses and capitalize on their mutual strengths, creating a coherent unity. 8:35: 😊 Having a partner who can push optimally against you is important for optimal development. 11:45: 😡 The speaker discusses the importance of teaching children to regulate their anger and avoid temper tantrums. 15:14: 👨👧👦 Fathers play a crucial role in helping their children develop through rough and tumble physical play. 18:26: 🐶 Encouraging children to play and befriend dogs can help them develop social skills and become popular. Recap by Tammy AI
@@Rich_WagnerMore interesting is how someone thinks that the AI summary is better than anything the human mind itself could have summarized it by brain power. 🤷🏻♂️
This kills me because feel like my standards are too high or something. Also I have ASD and come off strange, I know, and am working on that. It's sadly an issue of the people I see that seem genuinely fun to be around but also reasonable- reject us (gently but they still do), especially for my child's bad habits we've been trying to adjust for almost 6 years now!!! 🙈 The few kids and parents that seem to have potential are negligent and have cruel behavior even. So of course tif careless they don't mind what habits my child has. Lol I guess I just have to keep working those bad habits out and hope we can find understanding people. ❤
My mom would say she had to meet my friends and their parents before I could go anywhere with them. It was embarrassing and annoying but now as adult with my own kids I get it. How they raised me and what they shielded me from helped me to avoid as much trouble as possible. And even though I still make knucklehead decisions and still dealt with fake friends, it helped me to see the real world even better
"I'm going to answer a slightly different question". I love this self awareness. Can't count how many times I've been in conversation and people answer a different question without even realizing it.
the thing is, the guy asked a question, but the question wasnt what he really wanted an answer to. there was a fundamental misunderstanding that had to be clarified. thus he answered the question he actually needed the answer to
I am so grateful my son has picked so well with my daughter-in-law. It took her and me a while to become fond of each other, but she's a wonderful mother and brings out the best in my son. What more could I want. My 2 little granddaughters (7 + 4) are shaping up so well. She doesn't let them get away with bad behaviour, but she also builds them up with praise when they do well. They are not allowed to interrupt when people are talking, but when she talks with them, she won't allow others to interrupt them either. Ect ect ... Those two girls are welcome everywhere.
Dr. Peterson is really really lucky to have this woman as his wife, because first, they are friends since they were little, and she has been a powerful force besides him for all these years. Behind a great man, there is a powerful woman behind, they say... and I now see how true that this assertion is. I would love to marry a woman like her, who will assist my professional career, and of course, I will be happy to do the same thing for her (supporting her achieving her dreams). I'm saying this because Dr. Peterson is doing so much for himself and his family as well as for the great good in the world. Thus, having his wife accompanying in his journey him has been so helpful. That's so lovely to see, a wonderful example to follow. What a great couple!
Jordan Peterson is talking about this too in the context of the perfect match/partner. In short, he advices to have enough similarities to live together (f.e. similar levels of agreeableness), but also to admire the differences. And these differences should tackle weaknesses of your/your partner, so you can learn from your partner and reverse. I forgot what personality traits his wife has, but as far as I remember one big point was that he is very emotional expressed by agreeableness and she is more logical expressed by disagreeableness. And he learned from her to negotiate. I know the example doesn't fit to Jordans case. typical case of "the world isn't black and white". The key essence is, differences will let you grow, as long as they are not too big and therefor tear you apart. But in my experience both partners need to want to grow (what many people don't).
There are many good women that love being a woman and support their husband, those women are mostly turned away by men or not appreciated today. These women do not mind being a housewife. That woman will flow with their mate from beginning both will accept each others flaws and just flow together, it only stops flowing if one lies, disrespects, abuses the trust, or a huge conflict
My dad is a conservative but not a Republican because he doesn't trust the party ( which in my opinion just makes him an unofficial Republican). Anyway, he talked to me and my siblings about all sorts of things even from a young age; history, mythology, philosophy and philosophy grew into politics. By 8 years old I knew stories of great men throughout history who stood up for what was right even when it cost them everything. He told us that at school they were going to say this or that, propaganda and all sorts of mental manipulations to lead me astray into what we now call "Woke" crap. So I never folded in the face of system wide brainwashing they subjected us too. It was a lonely endeavour, few people held a similar view. But I never drank the coolaid.
The hardest part is not looking down on others and treating them poorly for falling for the bull crap. Treat people right and you will attract them to consider your views.
Best advice I got as a teens is not you should do this or that, but rather ”watch kids around you. What do they do how do they behave and what’s the outcome. You’re going to do what you’re going to do. I just want you to observe others to see that it’s what you want. If you watch the drugged out fool long enough you’ll realize he’s not cool and he’s got a world of trouble coming. He’s cool only because you haven’t watched him long enough.”
“Two fragmentary people form a coherent unity” I first noticed this when my parents unfortunately got divorced and whenever I would see them after the divorce, in their respective homes, I would think : “Oh wow I think they’re pretty crazy now they’re alone, when they were together they didn’t seem crazy at all”. Such an interesting point to make. Thank you Jordan.
I have raged at my 2-3 year old. And I've never loved anybody or anything more in all my life than I love my son. But he's seen a darker side of me that I quickly had to learn to control. I'm one way I'm glad he's seen it (to clarify I never hurt him, but I did slightly scare him, I could see that in his face and it broke me down so quickly) because he knows it exists. But I had identified a potential problem in my own behaviour that needed to be addressed. I want my child's respect and I intend to earn it over time instead of taking it via totalitarianism. But I'll say again. I'm glad he saw it. His behaviour and our relationship really is starting to flourish. I literally do something similar to the advice given here. The rule is, you have to calm down. And until you do you'll sit next to me in total silence. No music. No TV ect. And as soon as he complies he gets my full attention and a big smile from me followed by a big hug. And yet he has my wife sussed. And she gets very upset with him. She's learning but she's pretty resistant to advice in general. She's very very smart. Much smarter than me. I don't know why I've decided to write a small essay here but meh. I have. If you've made it this far then trust in what this man talks about in regards to psychology. He, absolutely!... Knows his shi..
"It's rare enough to meet adults that have views." He's being funny here, but there's also a lot of truth to that. Most people just spout off what they hear without really considering alternative perspectives. The majority don't have the time for it and/or are too intellectually lazy to do their due diligence.
He isn't being funny, people just have to laugh. Laughing is also a sign of helplessness (caused by being overwhelmed), which is why you show your teeth (which is normally a threatening gesture). He just knows that people have to laugh because he hit a bad spot. It's like the reaction "Haha, too true". Most comedians are basing their jokes on this. Often by overstatements, but sometimes the truth as it is is already enough to overwhelm you. Just wanted to add this. I totally agree with you!
I mean that’s where democracy fails, we are told about free will, but we stay in information warfare laden societies. So it’s actually not about our views, but how well one side manipulates people better than other. There are very few absolute truth. Patriotism as foundation is one among them. Third gender is not as common as in American society, infact it’s not natural the way it is there. Also it’s not some abomination.
It's better not to have friends than to choose the wrong friends. If I had one regret in life as a teen/ young adult, it's that I spent too much time with the wrong people who were detrimental to my mental health and future dreams.
Yes and no: B'cause from what I know on one hand you're right but on the other that's why you select yo friends VERY carefully and also why you shouldn't be so yo know TRUSTING also did they steal money did they break your bones do major propraty damage to your house or home did they beat you so badly you lost consciousness for a while throw you into or further into dept use Nero toxins on you or something like that oh or just maybe severely injer you in anyway cause if not toghen up you'll be fine
It’s all so true! I always feel so sorry for the kids who’ve clearly been allowed to win at everything, as they’re totally unprepared for loosing against other kids and have a complete meltdown. Then everyone laughs at them and no one wants to play with them, as they’re so highly strung and whingy! Playing games with your kids is one of the most important things you can do, to make them sociable, able to take turns, learn patience, learn strategies, counting and most of all, being a ‘good’ looser and congratulate others when ‘they’ win!
So true! Teaching your kids how to lose is what teaches them how to win! Teach them to not be afraid to fail because then nothing will stop them on their larger life goals. I love this!
I’d have been alot better off if I’d been much more selective with my friends. I’m 40, and I see it now. I didn’t see it at 15 or 25, even 35, but I see it now. Don’t hang out with people at the bottom of the barrel. It just brings you down too.
When it came to grades, I was average, but the worst in my friend group, but probably because I didn't put in the work (I'm not very conscientious). At university, I really excelled. The only friend with a higher education is one I met after school, in university, he got a doctoral degree in maths recently. My brother, on the other hand, always had idiots as friends, it's really sad. He's friends with almost everyone who became my friend, but the reverse is almost the opposite. My brother's friends at school were idiots and losers, some outright assholes, one turned out to be a thief, and some became drug addicts later. I could respect some of them, but they're still not really great people, and with 1 exception never became my friends. He had more problems with grades at school, got switched, then did better, put in some effort and now has a master's degree in engineering. He was never dumb or unskilled, he just had a bad peer group throughout school. Don't be like my parents and just hope their kids find friends like I did. I was lucky, I guess. Because the first friend I made turned out to be a really good choice and all the others I met through him, with one exception. My brother's bad choices haunt him to this day (he's 27), for example, he has his driving license suspended for DUI (not actual influence, he said, but they found remnants of stuff in his blood) and maybe he would have never gotten into that, were it not for his friends at school back then.
We tried hard and moved our oldest to a different school because, A. She is very intelligent and wanted a more fleshed out advance courses. B. Was the other children were such little monster that made her school life hell. A year later and her smile and confidence have comeback by leaps and bounds.
@@boerbeun more thought out, in-depth, and overall better iteration. Something that's had more effort put into it. They're are "advanced" learning tracts at most schools, but they can vary widely in quality and structure. The previous school would simply give additional work loads while on the same coarse as standard students. When instead the "advanced" students are out pacing others in their comprehension of the subject, not just the speed of assignment completion. So the entire class is given elevated levels of work at and proceeds through subject matter at a faster pace.
@@africanpenguin3282 my son is in one of those. I couldnt help but notice that teachers find him "exceptional" but i find him average, though highly encouraged. Im an technical and outdoors guy and i bring my boys with me everywhere. So he is being exposed to a lot. In that regard im curious to see if the other kids are also being encouraged or just given tablets. That would make our boys more streetsmart but not overall higher intelligent then others. Have you seen similar things in your situation?
@@boerbeun I would agree for the most part. Most parents simply act as chauffeurs, taking their children from one form of entertainment or monitoring to another so they can work or go out. They end up being hardly involved in their children's lives who are only being interacted with en mass with teachers, coaches, or Videos. They are receiving little one on one attention and interaction with a mentor/parent. I would say my daughter is clever in her own right naturally, but we also heavily enforced reading on your own over screentime. Just talking with her and trying to reasons through things about life as my father and grandfather did to me. I believe in Americans and our school systems greatly underestimate children's abilities to learn and give them mediocre lesson plans that leave most children bored to death because they can grasp the topic easily enough but they're being held in place to ensure that the slowest kids are picking it up. I remember often being bored to tears in literature because of how agonizingly slow we would "read" through the selected books, often having completed far early on and would get chided for reading my own books instead.
@@africanpenguin3282 that would implie that knowledge is the goal of education. 2020 showed that obedience is the goal overal and not critical thinking. Therefor i guess that school isnt the correct place to gain that knowledge. At least.. not merely there. I went back to school when i was 23yrs old. Learned much more and got straight A's as i knew what i was learning for.
I don’t even “like” my own nephews because they were never disciplined, and were allowed to ruin dinners and social events by acting like tyrants. I noticed that their parents wouldn’t get invited to parties because they didn’t like those brats either. Now as teens, they have no manners or social skills whatsoever. Whining brats with no friends.
@@not-even-german4892 I speak in direct correlation to the point of the video in regards to “ discouraging your kids to do things that make you dislike them.” These are not my own kids, and I wasn’t allowed to discipline them, influence them or even teach them. I was a good example to them when I could, but they moved to the opposite side of the country and I only got to visit about once a year. Most parents don’t take kindly to other people dictating how they should raise their own kids
I have a whole host of nieces & nephews on both sides of our family like this. We have no contact with any of them. I am an aunt to 10 kids total & most I haven't seen in years. We live in a small town & here stories about their trajectories - not good. They are not well liked by adults or kids. Some have had run ins with the law. Most are just obnoxious to the point that they are quietly left of the guest list. there is nothing you CAN do about it. We tried. It makes YOU the pariah of the family. so we just detached & worried about our own kids. My husband & siblings were like this as children. He said that as a kid he could FEEL the disdain from adults, who never wanted them around due to their horrific behavior. He made a vow that we would raise our kids to not be "the kids that everyone hates to see coming." It was only thru outside interaction with a neighbor family that he wised up as a teen to why people did not want him around as a child. When you allow your children to behave with no self control it hurts them & you & makes your social circle so small that there is little hope for an epiphany on the kids' parts.
I don't think I've ever heard Jordan say "um" or "aah" a single time as he collects his thoughts during this discourse. He is a master class in oratory, wielding that razor blade of a cognitive processor. He's a gift. And just the mightiest champion of love and humanity. I call him Uncle J-balls. It's a compliment. In Australia our aboriginal elders are our uncles and aunts and if one has any brains one listens to wisdom. And the man obviously has a mighty pair. Needs a Sherpa team with a sling to carry them for him. ❤
I realized something as i was watching the first few seconds of this video, i should pause before answering some questions, i always feel like i have to respond as soon the question is asked, or i just jump in talking when my turn to speak comes in a conversation. But i find myself often thinking back and saying to myself well actually i could have said this or that but i didnt think about it till now . And its because i didnt stop to truly think on my response or words. Thank you Dr Peterson.
I think this is extremely relevant to raising BOYS. I have 3 boys and I’ve tried everything under the sun regarding parenting. Boys are not for the faint of heart; they need a good deal of toughness; you have to develop your own confidence very solidly and inspire respect, present yourself as someone who no one can take advantage of; and they absolutely need a MAN (father) to get them back on track. It’s like leading an army, but if you do it right, they’ll protect you and love you (their mom) like you’ve never seen before.
I remember telling my mother how lonely I was when I was 7. "Friends never last, only your family" was her response. She sang the same tune with all of us kids and the only one of use who lives a remotely normal life is the kid who got the hell away from them and made friends.
Good luck helping your kids choose their peers, kids are at school all day and on social media, how can you know? You can love your kids unconditionally and dislike what they say and do; even providing knowledge (which they dont apply), rules at home, boundaries, rewards and punishments, respect, hugs, words of love and encouragement, etc. doesnt always determine fate. There's society and neigborhood and family dynamics and so many other factors that are not in your control. Try to keep open communication, don't give up, be consistent, persist, be compassionate, have boundaries, just do your best.
Gabor Mate recently said that he does not agree with the example Peterson gives with telling his kid to sit on the stairs until he's no longer angry and is ready to socialize (he specifically mentioned this example, which Peterson has told many times). In Mate's view that's repressing the kids anger. I'd love to see a discussion between them two, both of them have lot of wisdom imo. It would be interesting to see where they agree, where they don't and why not.
That’s interesting. I have one kid who struggles with outbursts of anger. We often have him remove himself for a time from the group, not to repress his anger but to give it time to cool so that he is not “acting in anger.” We tell him his anger is not bad, nor something to be afraid of as he expressed fear that it comes suddenly “like a train.” We’ve taught him that it’s something that is powerful and can be useful but needs to be put in the right place. And it doesn’t have to be sneaky and scare you, it can be controlled. Time on the stair for us gives him space to familiarize himself with the “feeling” of anger and then to “think” through how he wants to respond after a situation happens. Wonder if it is the same for Peterson. I do imagine if a child is banished for their anger and left to figure things out on their own that could be repressive, but maybe asking how something is done and what is accomplished is more valuable that what is actually be done. If that makes sense! So maybe they would strive for the same result, but one views one form of discipline as an aid to their desired result and the other applies it differently or sees it applied differently and doesn’t find it a useful disciplinary tool. I enjoy thinking about things like this!
I didn't understand it when my mum vetted my friends. Back then I felt like she cost me friendships. Now I realise these were friendships I couldn't afford. Their parents were rich enough to bail them out of trouble or pay for them to go to prestigious schools, my parents weren't. I had to stay focused on my studies in order to make it. Now I see her wisdom.
"There's few creatures more miserable than friendless children". That really hit home for me, bc iwas such a sad child and i had no friends. My mother worked 2 jobs i was at home alone all the time, couldnt go but a block at best, i had to switch schools nearly every other year until highschool. So while everyone i got to know would continue on going to school together, i was bounced around amd never really made the deeper longer friendships other kids have. And i neversaw anyone outside of school u til iwas 10-11. So i was extremely lonely and sad and socially awkward. Highschool was a little better, but not much. I knew everyonebit was close to very few. It trulywas miserable andittook many years of adulthood to get past it, although the deep seated feeling of lonliness and sasness never does fully leave me, even though i have a family of my own now, and i spend time with my kids constantly. It keeps me consciously present with my kids though so im grateful for it.
Same man. Same. I just went online to get out of my social anxiety but now looking back i was bitching out. I had the same situation leading up to highschool, made my final permenant move, and made a good few friends as i got attention for being the new kid. I wish i knew how to use that leverage, because 3 years in i now have no friends again. Maybe its cus im intolerable. Idk. Working on it
@@mookibois9784 well, I'm an old lady now lol so that was many years ago for me, but here's some advice. Get out of your head. Find something that helps other people and that you enjoy and are good at. Takes time to find the right fit for each person, but find your purpose. When you are talking to new people, don't be in your head wondering if they think your clothes look stupid or if you put too much smelly goods on or whatever and try to actively listen to what they say and try to relate. Spending time and energy out of your own head and in service of others has a way of really giving you better perspective onyourown problems and life. And if you plan on having a family, don't follow the fad and wait til you are old like me lol. I'm 40 with 2 toddlers and my life's regret is that I didn't have them younger. I'm sorry and tired and just old now I wish I was young while they were so I could do as many of the things as a family as I could when I felt better. Also, get and/or stay in shape. Bc it's hell trying to get there in your late 30's and now 40's! I pray you find your people! I'm so grateful to finally have found (and helped make) mine! 😅😀
@@mookibois9784 I dont know you so I can't give you an opinion if you're intolerable or not. But you have found yourself without friends and you are thinking about your situation and wondering if you are the problem. Maybe you are a large part of the problem, but don't jump to the conclusion that you're intolerable and a lost cause. Maybe there are other things happening in your life that makes it harder for you to make friends than it is for other people. As you said, you have social anxiety - that can be crippling for people, and very hard to deal with, whether you have mild, moderate or severe social anxiety. Without knowing your circumstances or age or anything else about you, I can't be very helpful I'm afraid. But I just want to congratulate you for thinking about your situation, and acknowledging that this is a problem. That's the first step to getting over it. I do recommend you find someone you respect and look up to and talk about it with them. There are councillors at schools, universities and at Tafe, your GP may help you or recommend you see a specialist, and there are community centres that can offer you free advice. I am 60 now, and have been to so many places and people for help. Some people have helped me, many have not, but I didn't give up: if you have the same experience, please keep looking for someone who can. The other thing that can be very helpful is to read books on social anxiety, and any other problems/symptoms you have. Google can be helpful when you search your symptoms to see what it comes up with, but use caution, as you don't want to misdiagnose yourself. I've received some of the most helpful advice from church pastors and youth leaders, although again, not all will be of help. Persevere. I know this isn't popular today, but reading the Bible has helped me more than I can possibly say, so I'm including that. God bless you on your journey through this life, it's not an easy journey but it's possible to transform your life into one where you don't think you are intolerable, and other people will not think you are either. Sending you a hug and a prayer that you'll overcome your present problems and make friends 💗
Take that feeling and embrace it. Get comfortable with it but never truly become content. As someone who's been through something similar nothing made sense until I truly became comfortable being alone. Use that time to really understand yourself then when you do socialize it'll be a whole lot easier seeing who's genuine and who's not.
I have to disagree, I preferred being around adults, more to learn. My favorite person was my grandfather, could not care less if I had no friends I had more joy from spending time with select few people and they were rarely children. I was the kid who didn't want to make friends just because. Dumb people make a lot of dumb kids, which I have seen en masse since I was a child, so sometimes not making friends with others you end up better off and the landscape in the adult world has not changed, you can see who had shit parents and morals and they just pass that mentality along. Be joyous with your own company instead of fearing loneliness and accepting just anyone who gives you a crumb of attention. Same reason people make poor choices in life partners, too, desperation and fear of being alone.
You can’t select your kids friends but you can put them in sports and activities where they will be surrounded by like minded families that share similar values.
Sometimes you can’t do that. My kids have autism and other health issues & generally either did not enjoy sports or lost interest very fast. I gave up on extracurricular activities because of their complete lack of enthusiasm. But I definitely tried - ballet, gymnastics, swimming, hockey, netball, rugby, art, guitar, piano, hip hop, skateboarding- none of them wanted to continue doing anything.
10 месяцев назад+1
Our daughter did competitive dance. Nobody is really anyone’s friend in that environment due to jealousy & intimidation - especially if a child is talented. It also tends to attract “broken” people, mostly the staff. I have to push away thoughts of regret about what could have been & focus on all she gained (it wasn’t friends)….
10 месяцев назад
Our daughter did competitive dance. Nobody is really anyone’s friend in that environment due to jealousy & intimidation - especially if a child is talented. It also tends to attract “broken” people, mostly the staff. I have to push away thoughts of regret about what could have been & focus on all she gained (it wasn’t friends)….
10 месяцев назад
Our daughter did competitive dance. Nobody is really anyone’s friend in that environment due to jealousy & intimidation - especially if a child is talented. It also tends to attract “broken” people, mostly the staff. I have to push away thoughts of regret about what could have been & focus on all she gained (it wasn’t friends)….
"Sanity is something that's emergent consequence of a well constituted social hierarchy"- Dr.Jordan Peterson never fails to amuse me with his brilliant speeches and his extraordinary mind. What a privilege to listen to your lectures, Sir, on daily basis. Thank you, for your dedication, and for your love towards humanity.
A person will be known by the friends she/he keeps. My parents modeled the choice of good friends by having their friends and family over in our home ever since I can remember. There was lots of laughter around endless cups of tea, homemade bread and doughnuts. Any 'unsavoury' type of friend we brought home, and we HAD to bring our friends home, were vetted by normally just 'that look' of my mother's.
You're so lucky. Your childhood sounds wonderful. I was a terribly lonely child and an even lonelier teen and at 41 I am still a lonely adult who struggles to make friends and finds it extremely hard to let anyone get close to me.
I agree that the friends we choose and are allowed to have can absolutely make us or break us. I had a combo of bad and good friends. Survived the bad ones, still cherish the good ones, but paid an extremely high price for having bad ones. I guess I had to learn the hard way, just like most humans do. The human condition is unescapable.
@Dave Bach oh wow! I hear ya! I had a couple of psychopaths/sociopaths, and few narcs/histrionics, dark triad. Those folks are for sure dangerous. I'd love to check out your sitcom. Are you gonna publish it here in RUclips?
And without having bad friends, diverse friends, disabled friends, smart friends, dumb friends, you're supposed to learn what exactly? It's like a 40-year-old virgin socially. Nonsensical advice from a fool shoehorning people into the same immured bias progress has helped break
Anger displayed as rage is a form of helplessness. You don't do your child any favor if you let it "express it's anger" (which mostly means letting them rage). You deny them the chance to learn to cope with it.
It's VERY rare that I disagree with Dr. Peterson but I'm not so sure about the part where children should be socially acceptable and whether that's a proper goal for the way we raise them. Take this standard and apply it to parents in tyrannies thoughout history... It all rests on the assumption that the kids are surrounded by a society of (mostly) sane people who they should be liked by. In a world like the present one, though, being the odd one out might mean they're the only sane person in the room.
I wonder if you misunderstand him somewhat? It’s not that your child would be like everyone and thus “acceptable” rather that your child has the character traits and qualities that help him/her thrive in whatever environment he/she is in. I think that’s the greater point. After all, if my child can only thrive with likeminded individuals I’d feel like I failed as a parent to help them develop to be a well-rounded person who could win favor among all sorts of people and rise to leadership if called upon to do so. The most effective peacemakers can be themselves and bridge gaps between parties of opposing viewpoints. My goal: to help my children have strong convictions and values and yet have sympathy, compassion and true love for those around them who think differently. No small feat, but I think this is what he means when he talked about them growing up to be “acceptable” by society. Of course Jesus was crucified and Martin Luther King Jr. was fatally shot, but then we still look back as a majority and say they had strength and character that we would call honorable when society failed.
@@cassidy745 I see your point. To me, though, it all comes down to the question: What do children refer to later on when they navigate society on their own - an abstract set of values that transcend time and place or the momentary societal likes and dislikes with regard to the individual's behaviour? One approach is vertical, if you will, the other is horizontal. One says: "Right is right, even if nobody's doing it. Wrong is wrong, even if everybody's doing it." The other one says: "When in Rome, do as the Romans do." I don't see how you could have both other than by coincidence. Now, that being said, I'm fully aware that both approaches have their downsides: With the first one, you might create self-righteous loners, with the second one useful idiots, susceptible to manipulation. For the time being and with relatively recent examples in history, I'd choose solipsistic fragmentation over a happy lynch mob. However, I remain open to the fundamental change in human interaction that might be underway. I hear that the conditions are good. Let's see what happens next!
@@SevenFields108 I appreciate your thoughtful response! Maybe I’m a hopeless romantic, or helpless optimist, but somehow I believe that not only can both co-exist but that they should. I believe children should grow up with strong values and morals that transcend even their lives and also that somehow they can navigate favor with the most respectable in society. There are time when society, to its own detriment, will miss the best among us and hurt themselves by destroying the best of us. This implies that the peacemakers and respectable men and women with strong morals and values will at times take strong stands and deviate from the mainstream when it goes completely looney. I guess this is how I reason both can and should exist. Sadly it does often mean we lose what we need when society is stubborn and selfish. My hope though, and this is seen time and again, that even if the most self-less, moral groups are small they always win in the end. Every story we write, that’s good anyway, usually has this underlying hope.
I've been preaching the fact that we need to bring up our kids to be socially acceptable for years. If we all did that, world crime would be marginally reduced.
Your content is an invaluable resource for parents on the journey of raising children. As someone deeply committed to nurturing young minds, I'm truly inspired by your insights. Raising children is an incredible responsibility, and it's our duty to help them grow into compassionate, honest, and patient individuals. In the words of Fred Rogers, 'The greatest gift you ever give is your honest self.' Our children learn by example, and it's our actions that mold their character. 'Patience is not the ability to wait, but how you act while you're waiting,' says Joyce Meyer. Instilling this virtue in our children is a gift that keeps on giving. Teaching honesty is equally vital. 'Honesty is a very expensive gift; don't expect it from cheap people,' warns Warren Buffett. Our role as parents is to show our children the worth of integrity. Keep sharing your invaluable wisdom, as it resonates with all of us striving to raise responsible, respectful, and kind-hearted kids.
When friends were scarce, there were always possums, turtles, nonvenomous snakes and World Book Encyclopedia! An introvert learns to live with and without friends.
Most kids aren't introverts. Most introverts are not good at handling social isolation. Social isolation is not the same as having few friends or spending little time socializing. There's a difference between people not hanging out with you and people actively disliking you and making fun of you. You should clearly spend 5 hours thinking before you make statements, because that one was stupid in about 7 different ways
@@immanuelcunt7296 We can just take the positivity in their message without being pushy. And you DO realize how many bad habits are popular? Sometimes the "more friends" arent the best influences in that area.
It's nothing new whenever I claim I'm introverted, which by the way, is not by choice. But I'll tell you what that label means for me personally. I made the most of the hand of cards I'm dealt with in my limited understanding of social interaction. The only comforting intro to such things are books for me. Namely, the Harry Potter series. What I lacked in my personal life, I lived vicariously in fictional characters in utterly compelling stories. The memories I've had reading books and movies like that, is mostly what bittersweet nostalgia is for me, when it came to my formative years. Imagining the scene in your head from text is like a simulation. I never went as far as fanfiction, but I've had plenty of practice of "what if" scenarios, to get some semblance of, what amounts to my own personal theory of psychology, as best as a teenager growing up can manage. When an interaction between two real or fictional characters gets compelling, it's our instinctual primal sense of social interaction that affect our perception of of ourselves and each other, as if there is some real undercurrent of processes during negotions and other social interactions. Give it a decade or so, and I'm more informed than some other peers who had bad examples of friendships as their baseline with no upward trajectory or barely any going along. I stopped feeling jealous or left out when I know for a fact, nothing positive can come from some people except for cheap thrills and trivial fading memories at the very least.
As a new parent of a now 3yo, she has started Kinder this year and I have to say, thank you! It helped us as parent understand the dynamic of what was important for little ones to integrate and achieve social goals and milestones with their peer group. Our daughter is naturally social and needs people around, not clingy, but lights up and is in her element when around people. So, with your words around guiding their "likeableness" and "popularity importance", she has made quality friends and been successful (so far) with making quality friends. We can only hope to continue to guide her with these ideas. Thank you, Jordan. Your words mean so much to us and I am currently working through the Self Authoring Suite which is very intense. Keep well!
I had a twin brother who was put in the top band class. They put me in the fifth band class so that I wouldn’t have to be in the same class as him. As a result my pool of like minded kids was much lower. My mothers answer to that was to not let me play with any friends I made in those classes. She deemed them to be rough although I really thought some of their qualities were admirable. They were strong characters who knew how to survive. It wasn’t until I got a bit older they shifted me to the high stream and all of a sudden I had friends I was allowed to socialise with. 😮
How weird this comment is! Intellect does not equate to ethical behavior and goodwill. I have taught student children who were academically challenged but had hearts of gold. Others were clever but were not of good character. Also, why were you the one chosen to be in a lower academic class. Did your academic ability match this decision?
Musical performance requires faith, diligence, a lot of attention to detail, discerning, and care… and thus likely aligns itself with children of higher character and quality. It’s logically sensible to imagine that the 5th tier class consists of more apathetic, less mindful, less discerning, less diligent, and less faithful people, who certainly carry these attributes into social settings, manners, peer pressure scenarios, drug offerings, moral tests, etc, and therefore raise many many more red flags than the first group. The point is band-skill is different than intelligence by a long shot.
It's nice to have another piece of the parenting puzzle to add in to raising my young daughter. I was the middle child, left alone with little to no interaction from my parents & the outside world and very negative interaction from my siblings (elder sister would black out and be very abusive, while my younger brother had autism). I had no real friends growing up, mostly because they all seemed odd to me, and I would sit by the school watching everyone play at recess. This interactive physical play is something I had never thought to do with my girl. I'm always at such a loss as to what to do to help her grow.
You're doing your best I'm sure and are willing to learn, which is a very good start. I would say apart from the parenting books and videos, you could join a parent association in your neighborhood. It's often possible for example to have planned activities for the parents and children on top of being a place where one can share their experience and tips on parenting. Wishing you and your family all the best!
Powerful message! It is not easy to discipline and raise children, sometimes we get confused thinking that just by loving them they'll be OK. Love is not enough, kids need discipline, values, advice from their parents as to what is best for them and why. Dr. Peterson is right in so many things like: teach our kids to control their anger and be civilized person, this way they'll know they can't go through life going as they please; socialize and look for peers/friends who will challenge them in a good way; be good sport and open to criticism. BUT most important: be the best version of themselves so people enjoy having them around (to like them).
Sometimes listening to Jordan Peterson makes me sad, I wonder what the hell happened in my life growing up that threw me off track so much 😢 why couldn't I be well adjusted. It has taken me decades just to get the basics down.
Don’t despair. You need the power of the Holy Spirit to execute what Jordan is saying. It’s Gods wisdom through him. My life transformed when I started going to church and following Jesus
By nurturing them from before and after birth, nurturing includes teaching dedicating time and commitment of being your priority. Children learn by mimic of sounds and what they see and live. If a parent focuses more on everything else instead of your child then parenting is failing. Having many opportunities like art, music , sport activities is not what is priority , priority is you spend time with them same goes with your spouse. Your marriage is a cell and your children are your cloned cells if you do not view them as priority ( without babying, spoiling wrong, allow too much ) you are just birthing for no reason, irresponsibly just to be in sync with society.
My kid has good friends. She’s doing well. And I noticed the small group of popular kids are mean, which is a shame because I like them, but I discourage my daughter from trying to impress them because they won’t respect her. We have a small school, small community, everyone knows one another, similar values - that helps.
My son tried the tantrum at the super market once. I apologized to the clerk and gave him $5 to put back my groceries. I took my son back to the car and we drove 25 minutes back home. I told him that he could express his needs but the tantrum will never work. He never did it again.
Lucky you. Lol My child has a mental disability and it's not as easy. But we have had minimal tantrums, especially once we weeded out the few caretakers we had but that enabled bad behavior and wouldn't listen to us. But I agree with that concept. With puberty our child has started to act up again sometimes and we ask if that's helping...the bad behavior. And mention that that's not how to get what you want etc, that it will take longer to reach her goals for what she wants if she acts up. I think that's why even with a learning disability she seems to be much better behaved than her NT peers, and she also rebounds quickly from disappointment. But we pay attention and homeschool. That helps also of course. ❤ Just difficult to justify some children her age being friends with her when they are so poorly parented (or a lack of).
@@hp9349obably depends on your child, but around 2-3 this concept can start to be learned for sure. If not sooner in subtle ways... giving them good examples in behavior at home and building a good early foundation of trust and affection so they will grow to listen to you. My child has a learning disability and we've had to reteach this but she's much better behaved than most of her NT peers. If we hadn't had caretakers that enabled bad behavior and tried public school, I think we'd be even further along. But we had a policy of explaining in age-appropriate ways and even with picture cards, (PECS) that tantrum doesn't equal getting one's way. Simple math. We love her and care for her, that's why undesired behavior will delay reward and perhaps create more work also for her to get what she wants. We have to help teach coping more than for an NT child, but along with those skills reinforced, she's doing pretty good. She rebounds from disappointment faster than her peers, and also seems to cut back any pre-teen sass pretty quick when called out. We just make it clear as possible, asking questions like "is that going to make you feel better?" "Is that helping you?" Etc. And if sometimes she needs to whine or whatever, she can do it in appropriate safe ways. Get privacy and scream into a pillow, etc. Working out...this stuff is important and not always obvious or natural to kids, especially if they have a disorder where they don't pick up on things from observation alone.
Yes. I did this, too. Also left several church functions with my daughter under my arm like a football because she refused to eat the dinner & then wanted dessert & started screaming when I told her no. I took her home immediately. She wanted a real dinner. She got a pb & j sandwich & NO dessert. The next time she stopped her fussing & ate the dinner & got dessert (after being reminded what happened the last church supper). We packed up & left friends' houses, and I cancelled fun activities if she gave me a hard time getting ready. She was a very stubborn child, but she eventually learned to control her emotions. She could could tell us she was upset - but she could not act out of control. the other child went through a crying period to get attention. every time she thought it would get her some attention. So I told her, "you may cry as long as you want. I'm sorry you are feeling bad. But from now on you must cry in "this"room (I would designate a different room at different houses) because you are upsetting things." I would calmly walk her to the room & tell her again to cry as long as she felt like it & to come out as soon as she was done. I'm sure you can guess what the outcome was. about 30 seconds of crying and then out she would come.
I can’t put enough likes on this. May the LORD be merciful and bless you and your family unto salvation, and bear fruits in likeness of our LORD JESUS….
@@ParkDarii had passed that phase. I need to grow. My mum died of severe depression because of my father depletes his retirement money while i finishing my degree. After i had finished my degree, i subsconciously follow "best friends" who do drugs.
I was certainly the kind of mum who steered her kids towards the really nice Thoughtful, kind, kids. My kids (now 34 & 30) are great human beings who are both kind & thoughtful and fun to be around. They are now doing the same things with their kids. They both have best friends from their 1st year in Primary School. I was particularly fussy about choosing that Primary school too. Be pro-active. As an adult I walk away from difficult nasty, self obsessed people, I have trained my kids to do the same thing.
This is one reason why Im grateful to have 4 children. Two, who'd be diagnosed with ADHD/ODD in a heartbeat if we sought it, need the near constant (they're homeschooled) refinement of the interaction with their siblings. We frequently meet up with other kids but I never would have been able to schedule enough play time.
Just need to show your children what kindness is. Let them express their feelings and place boundaries, which they will push but out consequence in place when pushed ( time out of loss of something they enjoy for a time). But most importantly do what works best for your family, everyone is different and there is no perfect answer to the question. Not what i wrote and also not what he said. Good luck other parents and just be kind to yourself and your kids.
Agree to most, but I would never punish my 2 year old by forcing them to stay on the stairs. That doesn’t teach them to regululate themselves but to surpress their emotions. I let them express their tantrums and showed them I stayed calm. Tramtrums in all 3 of my children have naturally disapeared. Emotions are a cleansing mechanism in 2 year olds that help them to process their emotions. One should always reflect on one’s own behaviour as the causes of a child having a large number of tantrums.
having qualified as a psychologist (not plain and simple but rather complex) doesn't automatically make one an atuned parent (plain and simple)@@Psychiatricnerd
Encourage your children to be the sort of people that other people really want to have around, who are always invited to play and if you do that, they'll take care of themselves - JP
Everyone wants optimal partners in play. Love seeing my friends compete with eachother in sports as a couple. It's fun and productive. I sometimes join the fun. It's pretty crazy how many people let children win while playing and let them run over them emotionally by being way too accepting of their bad behavior while that is so incredibly counter-intuitive, at least for me. I don't let my niece win and I also took a stand by not letting her try to manipulate me by throwing a tantrum and getting angry when playing a game for example, while my parents and my sister just gave up everytime and were way too nice. I just told her I didn't want to play anymore in the future if she kept doing it because that is how the real world works.
I have a child in my life who loves to go places with me. She has to obey me at all times (as 1 of my children would). She’s no problem for me and will announce how she’s doing as she’s told. “I’m still wearing my seatbelt, (my name)!” - from the backseat. “So I can come next time u go to the library, right?” Lol She’s a hellion for anyone else in her life, but I’m simply consistent in my simple mandate of you do what ur told and you get to have fun. Besides the fact I like to be around her so I talk to her. When she’s been around some friends tho, or goes off to see some family members, lordy. She takes quite a few hours to find her sense again and not be a demanding bratty shrew.
For anyone interested I just went through the videos in DWP platform one by one and thankfully I quickly came to the one in Melbourne Australia as the talk this clip was taken from! Thanks effort! 😄
One of the things I have come across throughout the many years of my life is that what counts most is that people are honest, sincere, and have a good common sense. Everything else is really superfluous. Honesty is not only the best policy, but the best quality you can find in any person. Regardless of any other factor. besides a willingness to help and being kind. That’s some thing that a lot of people put a distance second to “tough man” talk, which is ephemeral and ridiculous
About to become a first time mama with my boyfriend who I know is going to be the best father, and I LOVE what Jordan had to say about all this. Really brilliant
Don't you feel your more suited to be friends with hippy liberals because wouldn't conservative values be like... why isn't your boyfriend your husband? Liberals are like "every situation is different".
@@kimberlyanderson1916 thank you so much 🙏🏽 and yes, we are already committed for life and plan to get married, we simply don’t have enough money at the moment. But I have no doubt be will become even better as a husband 💗
@@rachelpops9239 thank you so much 🙏🏽💗 yes we both have already mentioned we are committed for life and look forward to a life and family together. We plan to get married but just don’t have the money now, want to get the baby settled first and then look at our finances. But I am so excited for our family together ♥️
There's one thing I don't agree on and that's popularity. I've found more often than not, the popular kids are problematic and mean. Another thing is, I remember growing up you meet tons of kids with good and bad attitudes, and if I tried to imitate those bad attitudes my parents would be "your friend may be able to get away with that behavior in their house, but that's not going to work in my house" and it's something that stuck with me. My parents were steadfast in what behavior they found unacceptable from the get go and I would either choose to have a good day or a bad one, like in JP's example.
I agree. Some very unpopular kids are just shy or naive or even not "bad" as the "popular" ones. I think it makes sense when you have a kid that is nasty, prone to rage, etc But unpopularity happens for many reasons.
Yeah and I really think some kids are neuro atypical and don’t make friends as easily as other kids do. I never had any friends as a kid and was always really awkward and my eldest son unfortunately has inherited this from me. I have a job and a good husband and a couple friends now, and I’ve never commited any crimes or anything so I think I turned out okay. I have a good relationship with my parents and brother. But I think some kids just struggle to make friends and I don’t think that makes them necessarily bad, and I also don’t think there’s always anything that parents can do to “fix” kids and make them able to be friends. Good lord knows my poor mother tried but I just wasn’t good at other people. I do think at some point we have to love our kids where they are at.
He’s not referring to that ‘kind’ of popularity but the type that attracts healthy relationships where people want to know your story and share their own. It’s basis is compassion and kindness
Oh, my God, this seems to me indeed the purpose of life. But.. you must already be into your abyss so we could realy comprehend and embrace it! Thank you, Sir! Message received!
When you hear this type of caring person & all that it entails, you realise and are conscious of how standards & values in society have slipped so massively
I wonder if it has ever occurred to Jordan Peterson to consider the possibility that the child’s anger is justified and worthy of some root cause analysis, If not review of a potential error by the parent.
Hmmm i don’t agree with the “popularity is a sign of successful parenting”. I’m not a popular person but i have a rock solid marriage, treasured friends and wonderful kids. Tons of popular people are miserable. My goal is to have kids with good manners, who follow principles of natural law. The rest sorts itself out.
He's not talking about popular adults he's talking about popular children. Children who are popular usually have skills such being able to play well, stable demeanor, confident and friendly.... unpopular kids are naughty, play rough, mean, unstable etc
@@CB-123 there are tyrant cliques too. a disfunctional popularity structure based on power and submission. its important to help the kid discern between genuine popularity and mafia structures. fortunately, even though the bad structure is louder, genuine structures are more common.
I agree with you. Damn ive gone through lot of bullshit due to bad peers....and I'm happy my kid is taking his time to select his friends and not just jumping into impressing every single kid around him! He is 3.5 and doesnt have friends is getting social little by little.. lets see how this goes!
Yes encourage your kids to be judgemental and live in a social vacuum. The truth is that if you aren't a good parent your kids will learn how to be an adult from their peers. If you're a good parent they will learn from you, no matter who their friends are. Everyone has value and you gain experience from interacting with different types of people. Otherwise you end up narrow minded and naive to reality.
I was raised in a disfuncional family and ended up alone and suffering with no one by my side. Luckily I found music and books but I have a hole in my chest I cannot fill and probably never will.
Karma doesn’t exist. It’s just the consequences. Change the actions and the consequences change. This may sound cliche but the only one to fill the void is the Lord. Their are many online churches…I live elevation church. Just check out one of their sermons and I guarantee a complete filling of that void will begin…
I hope you do Mariano! Books and music are beautiful, they are connections to people in a way, but there is more and I hope you find it or it finds you ❤
Funny you say that. My daughter is going through a bit of a rough patch. She’s 5 but has been going through a bit of a rough patch and we just put her in BJJ and I really do think it’s going to be good for her in regards to humbling her and being okay with losing etc.
This is a regular topic in our household. We are trying to raise our children to be a light to the world and be strong enough that negative relationships learn from them, instead of infecting them. My son is 8 and my daughter is 9. And I will admit openly, they are not rational beings, yet. I read Ephesians 6, the scriptural charge for Dad's and I consider it thoughtfully. "Fathers do nothing to provoke (often interpreted as "anger") your children." One version words it as "do nothing to cause resentment in your children". How do you do that with an irrational being, and still guide them to be a bigger and better person? My take is that I do nothing that would cause my children (In their adulthood) to resent me.
I remember seeing kids allowed to create all sorts of chaos in public, when my kids were not raised to misbehave. We now see what became of those children- they’re crazy adults.
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One additional thing to add about “selecting” your kids’ friends: not only do you want your kids to be good kids so that they attract good kids; more importantly, I would say, is to be the kind of parent that attracts parents with good kids. Live your values, be honest, and become the best version of yourself you can. By doing so, you’ll attract similar people, with kids that you’ll want your kids to be around.
100% this.
Even if one is not particularly religious, I think that church would be an excellent place to meet other parents with good morals and values, and whose children would mirror the same
I love this💕
Yes!
@@big_red_machine3547 church? for morals and values? what planet do you live on? Not interested in having any children tell my kids they're burning for eternity for not believing in their god
As a kid who came from a highly dysfunctional family, was ignored by mydivorced parents, not properly socialised, went on to become a lonely, friendless kid and then a drug addicted teen & young adult, I totally endorse what Dr J P says here.By the grace of God I was able to turn that all around, but many don't.
Yep... Specially who you marry.
Everyone is gonna have to contend with the social world 🌎, so we all have the responsibility to teach our children
that was your choice i grew up alone taking care of my sisters the house without feeling the need for any addiction, i cared loved my parents they worked hard long hours to provide for us. Family works together and the love without using words means we assume certain respons😅blities without bring asked or nit. It is selfish to blame others for self destruction by being weak and following trends or wrong doing
@@misamisa2677 it sounds like you grew up with a family and that you experienced love, so I'm not sure why you say you grew up alone. But that's not the point I want to make. I didn't blame anyone, but I made a causal connection between growing up totally alone (with NO socialisation & no family or friends) and substance abuse. This is not something I made up: we know the connection between childhood rejection/abandonment and substance abuse exists. Since you have so little information with which to form a judgement about me, ie that I was weak , speaks more to what kind of person you are than it says about me.
@@misamisa2677 You had a great childhood if you lived with your siblings. Trauma whether mental or physical does lead to a higher possibility of substance abuse.
Honestly, this book ‘Raising Warriors: Preparing Your Children For a Godly Life’ gave me the encouragement I needed to stay strong in raising my kids with Christian values, it’s comforting to know Im not alone on this journey
Bro why are you spamming his videos with your book?
How wonderful to have that
I love playing with my kids. They can’t get enough of it it seems. But what’s crazy to me is that when I play with them with other kids around, I get swarmed. If other kids see me swinging my kids around, or tossing them in the air, or wrestling with them, it doesn’t matter if it’s at church, or at a playground, or even in a store, other kids notice and come over, because they want to play too. Other parents are bewildered, because I’m just a stranger (albeit clearly harmless, because I’m playing with my own kids) but their kids are just drawn to me and will stand there ready to take their turn - which gets awkward quick, and the kids are always disappointed when I can’t play with them. It’s worse when our friends come over and bring their kids, because since the kids know me, they’re willing to push my kids out of the way to ensure they get a turn (sometimes ignoring their own parents in the process).
The point being, playing with children is a superpower that more parents need to be aware of
You literally described me. From the second my son could walk I was playing with him in the community circle. By now he’s a neighborhood favorite and all the older kids and some of the same age kids flock to him the second he steps outside with me. And before I know it the older kids have me playing with them too. But their parents seem very distant for the most part. I have no problem joining in with the games, but they tend to watch from a distance.
Maybe we are just basic animals and think to hard on this. Literally play with your kids as in like monkeys in good way. We are not aliens
Play with kids is usually football sign up or camp
Sir you are psychlops #924 stop it ! 😂
@@weaponson3-158 so... to stay in the subject at hand: you are the dad they want to play with, but is your kid the kid they want to play with or is your kid the gateway to you?
It seems to me that you should be carefull to not steal your kids momentum.
I would go as far is saying that you werent a popular kid when you were young and now you get that validation through your kid and by that outshining your own kid in the process.
Before you say anything: im projecting at this point because i found myself in your situation a while ago and stopped myself..
Curious to see if this true or im wrong?
2:05: 👥 The primary responsibility of a parent is to encourage their children to be socially desirable and have high-quality peers.
5:44: 🤝 The optimal marriage is a union of two individuals who complement each other's weaknesses and capitalize on their mutual strengths, creating a coherent unity.
8:35: 😊 Having a partner who can push optimally against you is important for optimal development.
11:45: 😡 The speaker discusses the importance of teaching children to regulate their anger and avoid temper tantrums.
15:14: 👨👧👦 Fathers play a crucial role in helping their children develop through rough and tumble physical play.
18:26: 🐶 Encouraging children to play and befriend dogs can help them develop social skills and become popular.
Recap by Tammy AI
Good summary - very useful.
Ditto. Great summary
Interesting that this was created from an AI.
@@Rich_WagnerMore interesting is how someone thinks that the AI summary is better than anything the human mind itself could have summarized it by brain power. 🤷🏻♂️
I have to rewind like 3 times every sentence he says. Such a well crafted message 🤌🏽
He shows that speech can take a form of art.
Yes I felt this when he said “Sanity is something that is an emergent consequence of a well constituted social hierarchy” 🤯
A form of art
Right?! When he goes silent and collects his thoughts, I know he’s about to throw down something mind blowing.
I agree. My mother vetted all our friends. As an adult, I understood her perfectly now.
My mom hated my friends and she was only right about one of the 5 she thought were bad influences
@@Cocoisagordonsetter love this comment!
This kills me because feel like my standards are too high or something. Also I have ASD and come off strange, I know, and am working on that. It's sadly an issue of the people I see that seem genuinely fun to be around but also reasonable- reject us (gently but they still do), especially for my child's bad habits we've been trying to adjust for almost 6 years now!!! 🙈
The few kids and parents that seem to have potential are negligent and have cruel behavior even. So of course tif careless they don't mind what habits my child has. Lol
I guess I just have to keep working those bad habits out and hope we can find understanding people. ❤
@@Cocoisagordonsetter autism spectrum disorder I guess
Autism spectrum disorder
My mom would say she had to meet my friends and their parents before I could go anywhere with them. It was embarrassing and annoying but now as adult with my own kids I get it. How they raised me and what they shielded me from helped me to avoid as much trouble as possible. And even though I still make knucklehead decisions and still dealt with fake friends, it helped me to see the real world even better
"I'm going to answer a slightly different question". I love this self awareness. Can't count how many times I've been in conversation and people answer a different question without even realizing it.
the thing is, the guy asked a question, but the question wasnt what he really wanted an answer to. there was a fundamental misunderstanding that had to be clarified. thus he answered the question he actually needed the answer to
I am so grateful my son has picked so well with my daughter-in-law. It took her and me a while to become fond of each other, but she's a wonderful mother and brings out the best in my son. What more could I want.
My 2 little granddaughters (7 + 4) are shaping up so well. She doesn't let them get away with bad behaviour, but she also builds them up with praise when they do well. They are not allowed to interrupt when people are talking, but when she talks with them, she won't allow others to interrupt them either. Ect ect ... Those two girls are welcome everywhere.
Great answer. This makes me want to play with my kids. It’s more than just play; it’s purposeful. Makes me wanna be a better dad.
Dr. Peterson is really really lucky to have this woman as his wife, because first, they are friends since they were little, and she has been a powerful force besides him for all these years. Behind a great man, there is a powerful woman behind, they say... and I now see how true that this assertion is.
I would love to marry a woman like her, who will assist my professional career, and of course, I will be happy to do the same thing for her (supporting her achieving her dreams).
I'm saying this because Dr. Peterson is doing so much for himself and his family as well as for the great good in the world. Thus, having his wife accompanying in his journey him has been so helpful.
That's so lovely to see, a wonderful example to follow. What a great couple!
Jordan Peterson is talking about this too in the context of the perfect match/partner. In short, he advices to have enough similarities to live together (f.e. similar levels of agreeableness), but also to admire the differences. And these differences should tackle weaknesses of your/your partner, so you can learn from your partner and reverse.
I forgot what personality traits his wife has, but as far as I remember one big point was that he is very emotional expressed by agreeableness and she is more logical expressed by disagreeableness. And he learned from her to negotiate.
I know the example doesn't fit to Jordans case. typical case of "the world isn't black and white". The key essence is, differences will let you grow, as long as they are not too big and therefor tear you apart. But in my experience both partners need to want to grow (what many people don't).
I'm not going to make a joke..... It would be ....what do they call it..... mmm.....unsomethi......no, inappropriate... Lol
There are many good women that love being a woman and support their husband, those women are mostly turned away by men or not appreciated today. These women do not mind being a housewife.
That woman will flow with their mate from beginning both will accept each others flaws and just flow together, it only stops flowing if one lies, disrespects, abuses the trust, or a huge conflict
Your message warmed my heart. Thank you for realizing what a gem Dr. Peterson’s wife is but also the importance of good partnership.
Yes. Her and their relationship is our #1 indicator that he walks his talk.
My dad is a conservative but not a Republican because he doesn't trust the party ( which in my opinion just makes him an unofficial Republican). Anyway, he talked to me and my siblings about all sorts of things even from a young age; history, mythology, philosophy and philosophy grew into politics. By 8 years old I knew stories of great men throughout history who stood up for what was right even when it cost them everything. He told us that at school they were going to say this or that, propaganda and all sorts of mental manipulations to lead me astray into what we now call "Woke" crap. So I never folded in the face of system wide brainwashing they subjected us too. It was a lonely endeavour, few people held a similar view. But I never drank the coolaid.
The hardest part is not looking down on others and treating them poorly for falling for the bull crap. Treat people right and you will attract them to consider your views.
I think Koolaid starts with a K.
That was a good lesson from your dad
My mum taught me to think for myself. My dad to know what crime is..
never drank the kooliad 😂 i haven’t hear that in a minute
well said, where do you find like minded ppl tho?
Best advice I got as a teens is not you should do this or that, but rather ”watch kids around you. What do they do how do they behave and what’s the outcome. You’re going to do what you’re going to do. I just want you to observe others to see that it’s what you want. If you watch the drugged out fool long enough you’ll realize he’s not cool and he’s got a world of trouble coming. He’s cool only because you haven’t watched him long enough.”
Love this, thanks.
This is wonderful advice
I like this advice, thank you
Poignant!!
Don’t include pets in this serious theme. Pets are commercialized.
“Two fragmentary people form a coherent unity” I first noticed this when my parents unfortunately got divorced and whenever I would see them after the divorce, in their respective homes, I would think : “Oh wow I think they’re pretty crazy now they’re alone, when they were together they didn’t seem crazy at all”. Such an interesting point to make. Thank you Jordan.
I have raged at my 2-3 year old. And I've never loved anybody or anything more in all my life than I love my son. But he's seen a darker side of me that I quickly had to learn to control. I'm one way I'm glad he's seen it (to clarify I never hurt him, but I did slightly scare him, I could see that in his face and it broke me down so quickly) because he knows it exists. But I had identified a potential problem in my own behaviour that needed to be addressed. I want my child's respect and I intend to earn it over time instead of taking it via totalitarianism. But I'll say again. I'm glad he saw it. His behaviour and our relationship really is starting to flourish. I literally do something similar to the advice given here. The rule is, you have to calm down. And until you do you'll sit next to me in total silence. No music. No TV ect. And as soon as he complies he gets my full attention and a big smile from me followed by a big hug. And yet he has my wife sussed. And she gets very upset with him. She's learning but she's pretty resistant to advice in general. She's very very smart. Much smarter than me. I don't know why I've decided to write a small essay here but meh. I have. If you've made it this far then trust in what this man talks about in regards to psychology. He, absolutely!... Knows his shi..
This is the sort of thing that Peterson excels at. A real treat to listen to.
"It's rare enough to meet adults that have views." He's being funny here, but there's also a lot of truth to that. Most people just spout off what they hear without really considering alternative perspectives. The majority don't have the time for it and/or are too intellectually lazy to do their due diligence.
I like this, I agree. But you have a good point
So true!
He isn't being funny, people just have to laugh. Laughing is also a sign of helplessness (caused by being overwhelmed), which is why you show your teeth (which is normally a threatening gesture). He just knows that people have to laugh because he hit a bad spot. It's like the reaction "Haha, too true".
Most comedians are basing their jokes on this. Often by overstatements, but sometimes the truth as it is is already enough to overwhelm you.
Just wanted to add this. I totally agree with you!
I mean that’s where democracy fails, we are told about free will, but we stay in information warfare laden societies. So it’s actually not about our views, but how well one side manipulates people better than other. There are very few absolute truth. Patriotism as foundation is one among them. Third gender is not as common as in American society, infact it’s not natural the way it is there. Also it’s not some abomination.
Dr. Peterson, to me you are the father I never had. Thank you.
I teared up
A non sequitur, but the great love your wife has in her eyes when she looks at you is so beautiful. I hope you both continue to thrive. 🙏🏻
This man's mind is just incredible...
He makes me less stupid with each of his words.
I needed to hear these words today!! My child throws tantrums and hates to lose. I need to challenge this behaviour
Its ok to feel disappointed etc. but it’s how we channel those feelings that can empower us or disempower us.
It's better not to have friends than to choose the wrong friends. If I had one regret in life as a teen/ young adult, it's that I spent too much time with the wrong people who were detrimental to my mental health and future dreams.
Totally agree
Nicely put. I couldn’t agree more.
Yes and no:
B'cause from what I know on one hand you're right but on the other that's why you select yo friends VERY carefully and also why you shouldn't be so yo know TRUSTING also did they steal money did they break your bones do major propraty damage to your house or home did they beat you so badly you lost consciousness for a while throw you into or further into dept use Nero toxins on you or something like that oh or just maybe severely injer you in anyway cause if not toghen up you'll be fine
Me too!
Yup
It’s all so true! I always feel so sorry for the kids who’ve clearly been allowed to win at everything, as they’re totally unprepared for loosing against other kids and have a complete meltdown. Then everyone laughs at them and no one wants to play with them, as they’re so highly strung and whingy! Playing games with your kids is one of the most important things you can do, to make them sociable, able to take turns, learn patience, learn strategies, counting and most of all, being a ‘good’ looser and congratulate others when ‘they’ win!
So true! Teaching your kids how to lose is what teaches them how to win! Teach them to not be afraid to fail because then nothing will stop them on their larger life goals. I love this!
I’d have been alot better off if I’d been much more selective with my friends. I’m 40, and I see it now. I didn’t see it at 15 or 25, even 35, but I see it now. Don’t hang out with people at the bottom of the barrel. It just brings you down too.
This is very true! Just because people age numerically, doesn't mean they do psychologically.
You mean poor or ideologically bottom of the barrel?
When it came to grades, I was average, but the worst in my friend group, but probably because I didn't put in the work (I'm not very conscientious). At university, I really excelled. The only friend with a higher education is one I met after school, in university, he got a doctoral degree in maths recently.
My brother, on the other hand, always had idiots as friends, it's really sad. He's friends with almost everyone who became my friend, but the reverse is almost the opposite. My brother's friends at school were idiots and losers, some outright assholes, one turned out to be a thief, and some became drug addicts later. I could respect some of them, but they're still not really great people, and with 1 exception never became my friends. He had more problems with grades at school, got switched, then did better, put in some effort and now has a master's degree in engineering. He was never dumb or unskilled, he just had a bad peer group throughout school.
Don't be like my parents and just hope their kids find friends like I did. I was lucky, I guess. Because the first friend I made turned out to be a really good choice and all the others I met through him, with one exception.
My brother's bad choices haunt him to this day (he's 27), for example, he has his driving license suspended for DUI (not actual influence, he said, but they found remnants of stuff in his blood) and maybe he would have never gotten into that, were it not for his friends at school back then.
@@Kathakathan11 I am guessing he means intellectualy and in term of attitude towards adversity.
We tried hard and moved our oldest to a different school because, A. She is very intelligent and wanted a more fleshed out advance courses. B. Was the other children were such little monster that made her school life hell. A year later and her smile and confidence have comeback by leaps and bounds.
Hello mister Penguin, what do you mean with "fleshed out advance courses" ?
Ive never read that term before
@@boerbeun more thought out, in-depth, and overall better iteration. Something that's had more effort put into it. They're are "advanced" learning tracts at most schools, but they can vary widely in quality and structure. The previous school would simply give additional work loads while on the same coarse as standard students. When instead the "advanced" students are out pacing others in their comprehension of the subject, not just the speed of assignment completion. So the entire class is given elevated levels of work at and proceeds through subject matter at a faster pace.
@@africanpenguin3282 my son is in one of those. I couldnt help but notice that teachers find him "exceptional" but i find him average, though highly encouraged. Im an technical and outdoors guy and i bring my boys with me everywhere. So he is being exposed to a lot. In that regard im curious to see if the other kids are also being encouraged or just given tablets. That would make our boys more streetsmart but not overall higher intelligent then others.
Have you seen similar things in your situation?
@@boerbeun I would agree for the most part. Most parents simply act as chauffeurs, taking their children from one form of entertainment or monitoring to another so they can work or go out. They end up being hardly involved in their children's lives who are only being interacted with en mass with teachers, coaches, or Videos. They are receiving little one on one attention and interaction with a mentor/parent. I would say my daughter is clever in her own right naturally, but we also heavily enforced reading on your own over screentime. Just talking with her and trying to reasons through things about life as my father and grandfather did to me. I believe in Americans and our school systems greatly underestimate children's abilities to learn and give them mediocre lesson plans that leave most children bored to death because they can grasp the topic easily enough but they're being held in place to ensure that the slowest kids are picking it up. I remember often being bored to tears in literature because of how agonizingly slow we would "read" through the selected books, often having completed far early on and would get chided for reading my own books instead.
@@africanpenguin3282 that would implie that knowledge is the goal of education. 2020 showed that obedience is the goal overal and not critical thinking. Therefor i guess that school isnt the correct place to gain that knowledge. At least.. not merely there.
I went back to school when i was 23yrs old. Learned much more and got straight A's as i knew what i was learning for.
I don’t even “like” my own nephews because they were never disciplined, and were allowed to ruin dinners and social events by acting like tyrants. I noticed that their parents wouldn’t get invited to parties because they didn’t like those brats either. Now as teens, they have no manners or social skills whatsoever. Whining brats with no friends.
You could have helped instead of thinking that way out loud. This is terrible behavior. You seem not to care actually. SAD
@@not-even-german4892 I speak in direct correlation to the point of the video in regards to “ discouraging your kids to do things that make you dislike them.”
These are not my own kids, and I wasn’t allowed to discipline them, influence them or even teach them. I was a good example to them when I could, but they moved to the opposite side of the country and I only got to visit about once a year.
Most parents don’t take kindly to other people dictating how they should raise their own kids
@@Cocoisagordonsetter You’re absolutely correct
I have a whole host of nieces & nephews on both sides of our family like this. We have no contact with any of them. I am an aunt to 10 kids total & most I haven't seen in years. We live in a small town & here stories about their trajectories - not good. They are not well liked by adults or kids. Some have had run ins with the law. Most are just obnoxious to the point that they are quietly left of the guest list. there is nothing you CAN do about it. We tried. It makes YOU the pariah of the family. so we just detached & worried about our own kids. My husband & siblings were like this as children. He said that as a kid he could FEEL the disdain from adults, who never wanted them around due to their horrific behavior. He made a vow that we would raise our kids to not be "the kids that everyone hates to see coming." It was only thru outside interaction with a neighbor family that he wised up as a teen to why people did not want him around as a child. When you allow your children to behave with no self control it hurts them & you & makes your social circle so small that there is little hope for an epiphany on the kids' parts.
I don't think I've ever heard Jordan say "um" or "aah" a single time as he collects his thoughts during this discourse. He is a master class in oratory, wielding that razor blade of a cognitive processor. He's a gift.
And just the mightiest champion of love and humanity.
I call him Uncle J-balls. It's a compliment. In Australia our aboriginal elders are our uncles and aunts and if one has any brains one listens to wisdom.
And the man obviously has a mighty pair. Needs a Sherpa team with a sling to carry them for him. ❤
I realized something as i was watching the first few seconds of this video, i should pause before answering some questions, i always feel like i have to respond as soon the question is asked, or i just jump in talking when my turn to speak comes in a conversation. But i find myself often thinking back and saying to myself well actually i could have said this or that but i didnt think about it till now . And its because i didnt stop to truly think on my response or words. Thank you Dr Peterson.
Thats truly reflective parenting. Lovely to read!
I think this is extremely relevant to raising BOYS. I have 3 boys and I’ve tried everything under the sun regarding parenting. Boys are not for the faint of heart; they need a good deal of toughness; you have to develop your own confidence very solidly and inspire respect, present yourself as someone who no one can take advantage of; and they absolutely need a MAN (father) to get them back on track. It’s like leading an army, but if you do it right, they’ll protect you and love you (their mom) like you’ve never seen before.
I remember telling my mother how lonely I was when I was 7. "Friends never last, only your family" was her response. She sang the same tune with all of us kids and the only one of use who lives a remotely normal life is the kid who got the hell away from them and made friends.
What was causing your loneliness? Were you not allowed to socialize?
Good luck helping your kids choose their peers, kids are at school all day and on social media, how can you know? You can love your kids unconditionally and dislike what they say and do; even providing knowledge (which they dont apply), rules at home, boundaries, rewards and punishments, respect, hugs, words of love and encouragement, etc. doesnt always determine fate. There's society and neigborhood and family dynamics and so many other factors that are not in your control. Try to keep open communication, don't give up, be consistent, persist, be compassionate, have boundaries, just do your best.
Gabor Mate recently said that he does not agree with the example Peterson gives with telling his kid to sit on the stairs until he's no longer angry and is ready to socialize (he specifically mentioned this example, which Peterson has told many times). In Mate's view that's repressing the kids anger. I'd love to see a discussion between them two, both of them have lot of wisdom imo. It would be interesting to see where they agree, where they don't and why not.
That’s interesting. I have one kid who struggles with outbursts of anger. We often have him remove himself for a time from the group, not to repress his anger but to give it time to cool so that he is not “acting in anger.” We tell him his anger is not bad, nor something to be afraid of as he expressed fear that it comes suddenly “like a train.” We’ve taught him that it’s something that is powerful and can be useful but needs to be put in the right place. And it doesn’t have to be sneaky and scare you, it can be controlled. Time on the stair for us gives him space to familiarize himself with the “feeling” of anger and then to “think” through how he wants to respond after a situation happens. Wonder if it is the same for Peterson. I do imagine if a child is banished for their anger and left to figure things out on their own that could be repressive, but maybe asking how something is done and what is accomplished is more valuable that what is actually be done. If that makes sense! So maybe they would strive for the same result, but one views one form of discipline as an aid to their desired result and the other applies it differently or sees it applied differently and doesn’t find it a useful disciplinary tool. I enjoy thinking about things like this!
Integration is not repression.
@@JordanBPeterson thank you for your response! I admit I’m confused by your answer to this question. Do you mind elaborating please?
I listened to Dr. Mate speak about this. And yes, it'd be interesting to see the two of them discuss this.
@cassidy745 what a wonderful response
I didn't understand it when my mum vetted my friends. Back then I felt like she cost me friendships. Now I realise these were friendships I couldn't afford. Their parents were rich enough to bail them out of trouble or pay for them to go to prestigious schools, my parents weren't. I had to stay focused on my studies in order to make it. Now I see her wisdom.
"There's few creatures more miserable than friendless children". That really hit home for me, bc iwas such a sad child and i had no friends. My mother worked 2 jobs i was at home alone all the time, couldnt go but a block at best, i had to switch schools nearly every other year until highschool. So while everyone i got to know would continue on going to school together, i was bounced around amd never really made the deeper longer friendships other kids have. And i neversaw anyone outside of school u til iwas 10-11. So i was extremely lonely and sad and socially awkward. Highschool was a little better, but not much. I knew everyonebit was close to very few. It trulywas miserable andittook many years of adulthood to get past it, although the deep seated feeling of lonliness and sasness never does fully leave me, even though i have a family of my own now, and i spend time with my kids constantly. It keeps me consciously present with my kids though so im grateful for it.
Same man. Same. I just went online to get out of my social anxiety but now looking back i was bitching out. I had the same situation leading up to highschool, made my final permenant move, and made a good few friends as i got attention for being the new kid. I wish i knew how to use that leverage, because 3 years in i now have no friends again. Maybe its cus im intolerable. Idk. Working on it
@@mookibois9784 well, I'm an old lady now lol so that was many years ago for me, but here's some advice. Get out of your head. Find something that helps other people and that you enjoy and are good at. Takes time to find the right fit for each person, but find your purpose. When you are talking to new people, don't be in your head wondering if they think your clothes look stupid or if you put too much smelly goods on or whatever and try to actively listen to what they say and try to relate. Spending time and energy out of your own head and in service of others has a way of really giving you better perspective onyourown problems and life. And if you plan on having a family, don't follow the fad and wait til you are old like me lol. I'm 40 with 2 toddlers and my life's regret is that I didn't have them younger. I'm sorry and tired and just old now I wish I was young while they were so I could do as many of the things as a family as I could when I felt better. Also, get and/or stay in shape. Bc it's hell trying to get there in your late 30's and now 40's! I pray you find your people! I'm so grateful to finally have found (and helped make) mine! 😅😀
@@mookibois9784 I dont know you so I can't give you an opinion if you're intolerable or not. But you have found yourself without friends and you are thinking about your situation and wondering if you are the problem. Maybe you are a large part of the problem, but don't jump to the conclusion that you're intolerable and a lost cause. Maybe there are other things happening in your life that makes it harder for you to make friends than it is for other people. As you said, you have social anxiety - that can be crippling for people, and very hard to deal with, whether you have mild, moderate or severe social anxiety. Without knowing your circumstances or age or anything else about you, I can't be very helpful I'm afraid. But I just want to congratulate you for thinking about your situation, and acknowledging that this is a problem. That's the first step to getting over it. I do recommend you find someone you respect and look up to and talk about it with them. There are councillors at schools, universities and at Tafe, your GP may help you or recommend you see a specialist, and there are community centres that can offer you free advice. I am 60 now, and have been to so many places and people for help. Some people have helped me, many have not, but I didn't give up: if you have the same experience, please keep looking for someone who can. The other thing that can be very helpful is to read books on social anxiety, and any other problems/symptoms you have. Google can be helpful when you search your symptoms to see what it comes up with, but use caution, as you don't want to misdiagnose yourself. I've received some of the most helpful advice from church pastors and youth leaders, although again, not all will be of help. Persevere. I know this isn't popular today, but reading the Bible has helped me more than I can possibly say, so I'm including that. God bless you on your journey through this life, it's not an easy journey but it's possible to transform your life into one where you don't think you are intolerable, and other people will not think you are either. Sending you a hug and a prayer that you'll overcome your present problems and make friends 💗
Take that feeling and embrace it. Get comfortable with it but never truly become content. As someone who's been through something similar nothing made sense until I truly became comfortable being alone. Use that time to really understand yourself then when you do socialize it'll be a whole lot easier seeing who's genuine and who's not.
I have to disagree, I preferred being around adults, more to learn. My favorite person was my grandfather, could not care less if I had no friends I had more joy from spending time with select few people and they were rarely children. I was the kid who didn't want to make friends just because. Dumb people make a lot of dumb kids, which I have seen en masse since I was a child, so sometimes not making friends with others you end up better off and the landscape in the adult world has not changed, you can see who had shit parents and morals and they just pass that mentality along. Be joyous with your own company instead of fearing loneliness and accepting just anyone who gives you a crumb of attention. Same reason people make poor choices in life partners, too, desperation and fear of being alone.
I love the silence in which he sits to carefully think about his responses.
Teach them to not care what others think or say about them.
My mom had a favorite question, “If everyone else jumps off a bridge, will you jump too?
You can’t select your kids friends but you can put them in sports and activities where they will be surrounded by like minded families that share similar values.
Depends the age. I have a 5 year old and told her she’s not allowed to sit at lunch next to a bratty little girl she’s hanging around too much.
Sometimes you can’t do that. My kids have autism and other health issues & generally either did not enjoy sports or lost interest very fast. I gave up on extracurricular activities because of their complete lack of enthusiasm. But I definitely tried - ballet, gymnastics, swimming, hockey, netball, rugby, art, guitar, piano, hip hop, skateboarding- none of them wanted to continue doing anything.
Our daughter did competitive dance. Nobody is really anyone’s friend in that environment due to jealousy & intimidation - especially if a child is talented. It also tends to attract “broken” people, mostly the staff. I have to push away thoughts of regret about what could have been & focus on all she gained (it wasn’t friends)….
Our daughter did competitive dance. Nobody is really anyone’s friend in that environment due to jealousy & intimidation - especially if a child is talented. It also tends to attract “broken” people, mostly the staff. I have to push away thoughts of regret about what could have been & focus on all she gained (it wasn’t friends)….
Our daughter did competitive dance. Nobody is really anyone’s friend in that environment due to jealousy & intimidation - especially if a child is talented. It also tends to attract “broken” people, mostly the staff. I have to push away thoughts of regret about what could have been & focus on all she gained (it wasn’t friends)….
"Sanity is something that's emergent consequence of a well constituted social hierarchy"- Dr.Jordan Peterson never fails to amuse me with his brilliant speeches and his extraordinary mind. What a privilege to listen to your lectures, Sir, on daily basis. Thank you, for your dedication, and for your love towards humanity.
A person will be known by the friends she/he keeps. My parents modeled the choice of good friends by having their friends and family over in our home ever since I can remember. There was lots of laughter around endless cups of tea, homemade bread and doughnuts. Any 'unsavoury' type of friend we brought home, and we HAD to bring our friends home, were vetted by normally just 'that look' of my mother's.
You're so lucky. Your childhood sounds wonderful. I was a terribly lonely child and an even lonelier teen and at 41 I am still a lonely adult who struggles to make friends and finds it extremely hard to let anyone get close to me.
Must feel terrible for the kids to be judged by your mother. I remember being judged this way myself and I will never forgive those people.
She did the right thing. I wish my mother did the same.
@@jimj2683 yeah, we all want friends full of decades of unforgiving resentment. Good riddance.
I appreciate his wife who is truly help her man to strive and support him and reason with him in every situation of his profound speech
I agree that the friends we choose and are allowed to have can absolutely make us or break us. I had a combo of bad and good friends. Survived the bad ones, still cherish the good ones, but paid an extremely high price for having bad ones. I guess I had to learn the hard way, just like most humans do. The human condition is unescapable.
I agree. I learned my lesson with the bad ones and cherish the good ones.
@Dave Bach oh wow! I hear ya! I had a couple of psychopaths/sociopaths, and few narcs/histrionics, dark triad. Those folks are for sure dangerous. I'd love to check out your sitcom. Are you gonna publish it here in RUclips?
@Dave Bach oh ok! My bad! 🙈😂 I took your information literally! 😂😬😅
And definitely! We could write a quite dark humor sitcom. 😬😅
And without having bad friends, diverse friends, disabled friends, smart friends, dumb friends, you're supposed to learn what exactly? It's like a 40-year-old virgin socially. Nonsensical advice from a fool shoehorning people into the same immured bias progress has helped break
Anger displayed as rage is a form of helplessness. You don't do your child any favor if you let it "express it's anger" (which mostly means letting them rage). You deny them the chance to learn to cope with it.
I think that's part of the parents' roles: to equip their children with coping skills to regulate their emotions and learn to self soothe
voicing coherent discontent is important though.
promoting unfocused rage is no good, but neither is burrying anger in yourself
“Train up a child in the way they show grow, and when they are old, they will not depart from it.”
I just realized that verse is all about trajectory.
Why not quote the source which is proverbs 22:6
19:02 sums up the video really well
Typical Peterson, tangents for the majority of his speech. I love the guy though XD
It's VERY rare that I disagree with Dr. Peterson but I'm not so sure about the part where children should be socially acceptable and whether that's a proper goal for the way we raise them. Take this standard and apply it to parents in tyrannies thoughout history...
It all rests on the assumption that the kids are surrounded by a society of (mostly) sane people who they should be liked by. In a world like the present one, though, being the odd one out might mean they're the only sane person in the room.
Agree. The standard norm is not always the best and most ethical. Many people live a life of illusion and delusion.
I wonder if you misunderstand him somewhat? It’s not that your child would be like everyone and thus “acceptable” rather that your child has the character traits and qualities that help him/her thrive in whatever environment he/she is in. I think that’s the greater point. After all, if my child can only thrive with likeminded individuals I’d feel like I failed as a parent to help them develop to be a well-rounded person who could win favor among all sorts of people and rise to leadership if called upon to do so. The most effective peacemakers can be themselves and bridge gaps between parties of opposing viewpoints.
My goal: to help my children have strong convictions and values and yet have sympathy, compassion and true love for those around them who think differently. No small feat, but I think this is what he means when he talked about them growing up to be “acceptable” by society.
Of course Jesus was crucified and Martin Luther King Jr. was fatally shot, but then we still look back as a majority and say they had strength and character that we would call honorable when society failed.
@@cassidy745
I see your point.
To me, though, it all comes down to the question: What do children refer to later on when they navigate society on their own - an abstract set of values that transcend time and place or the momentary societal likes and dislikes with regard to the individual's behaviour? One approach is vertical, if you will, the other is horizontal. One says: "Right is right, even if nobody's doing it. Wrong is wrong, even if everybody's doing it." The other one says: "When in Rome, do as the Romans do." I don't see how you could have both other than by coincidence.
Now, that being said, I'm fully aware that both approaches have their downsides: With the first one, you might create self-righteous loners, with the second one useful idiots, susceptible to manipulation. For the time being and with relatively recent examples in history, I'd choose solipsistic fragmentation over a happy lynch mob.
However, I remain open to the fundamental change in human interaction that might be underway. I hear that the conditions are good.
Let's see what happens next!
@@SevenFields108 I appreciate your thoughtful response!
Maybe I’m a hopeless romantic, or helpless optimist, but somehow I believe that not only can both co-exist but that they should. I believe children should grow up with strong values and morals that transcend even their lives and also that somehow they can navigate favor with the most respectable in society. There are time when society, to its own detriment, will miss the best among us and hurt themselves by destroying the best of us. This implies that the peacemakers and respectable men and women with strong morals and values will at times take strong stands and deviate from the mainstream when it goes completely looney.
I guess this is how I reason both can and should exist. Sadly it does often mean we lose what we need when society is stubborn and selfish. My hope though, and this is seen time and again, that even if the most self-less, moral groups are small they always win in the end. Every story we write, that’s good anyway, usually has this underlying hope.
@@cassidy745
I agree.
You're a hopeless romantic. 😄
And I like your view. Thank you for sharing it. ☝🏻🤓
It would be nice too to hear what to do when you missed this childhood period, but they're still at home (say teens or young adults)
I've been preaching the fact that we need to bring up our kids to be socially acceptable for years. If we all did that, world crime would be marginally reduced.
The best advice I ever got as a kid was from Chuck Conners on the Rifleman who told his son Mark to "make friends slowly." It always made sense to me.
Your content is an invaluable resource for parents on the journey of raising children. As someone deeply committed to nurturing young minds, I'm truly inspired by your insights. Raising children is an incredible responsibility, and it's our duty to help them grow into compassionate, honest, and patient individuals.
In the words of Fred Rogers, 'The greatest gift you ever give is your honest self.' Our children learn by example, and it's our actions that mold their character. 'Patience is not the ability to wait, but how you act while you're waiting,' says Joyce Meyer. Instilling this virtue in our children is a gift that keeps on giving.
Teaching honesty is equally vital. 'Honesty is a very expensive gift; don't expect it from cheap people,' warns Warren Buffett. Our role as parents is to show our children the worth of integrity.
Keep sharing your invaluable wisdom, as it resonates with all of us striving to raise responsible, respectful, and kind-hearted kids.
When friends were scarce, there were always possums, turtles, nonvenomous snakes and World Book Encyclopedia! An introvert learns to live with and without friends.
Most kids aren't introverts.
Most introverts are not good at handling social isolation.
Social isolation is not the same as having few friends or spending little time socializing. There's a difference between people not hanging out with you and people actively disliking you and making fun of you.
You should clearly spend 5 hours thinking before you make statements, because that one was stupid in about 7 different ways
@@LegoGirl1990 Or to make some friends
@@immanuelcunt7296 We can just take the positivity in their message without being pushy.
And you DO realize how many bad habits are popular? Sometimes the "more friends" arent the best influences in that area.
That’s not necessarily a good thing
It's nothing new whenever I claim I'm introverted, which by the way, is not by choice. But I'll tell you what that label means for me personally. I made the most of the hand of cards I'm dealt with in my limited understanding of social interaction. The only comforting intro to such things are books for me. Namely, the Harry Potter series. What I lacked in my personal life, I lived vicariously in fictional characters in utterly compelling stories. The memories I've had reading books and movies like that, is mostly what bittersweet nostalgia is for me, when it came to my formative years. Imagining the scene in your head from text is like a simulation. I never went as far as fanfiction, but I've had plenty of practice of "what if" scenarios, to get some semblance of, what amounts to my own personal theory of psychology, as best as a teenager growing up can manage. When an interaction between two real or fictional characters gets compelling, it's our instinctual primal sense of social interaction that affect our perception of of ourselves and each other, as if there is some real undercurrent of processes during negotions and other social interactions. Give it a decade or so, and I'm more informed than some other peers who had bad examples of friendships as their baseline with no upward trajectory or barely any going along. I stopped feeling jealous or left out when I know for a fact, nothing positive can come from some people except for cheap thrills and trivial fading memories at the very least.
Thank you, Jordan, i keep you and your family in my prayers!
I appreciate the way he just sits their sometimes and think before he answers the question ❤❤❤❤
This was WONDERFUL! I just love your videos. They are so helpful. Thank you so much!
As a new parent of a now 3yo, she has started Kinder this year and I have to say, thank you! It helped us as parent understand the dynamic of what was important for little ones to integrate and achieve social goals and milestones with their peer group. Our daughter is naturally social and needs people around, not clingy, but lights up and is in her element when around people. So, with your words around guiding their "likeableness" and "popularity importance", she has made quality friends and been successful (so far) with making quality friends. We can only hope to continue to guide her with these ideas. Thank you, Jordan. Your words mean so much to us and I am currently working through the Self Authoring Suite which is very intense. Keep well!
They will gain a sense of who they are by looking at your response to them. You are essentially a mirror.
I had a twin brother who was put in the top band class. They put me in the fifth band class so that I wouldn’t have to be in the same class as him. As a result my pool of like minded kids was much lower. My mothers answer to that was to not let me play with any friends I made in those classes. She deemed them to be rough although I really thought some of their qualities were admirable. They were strong characters who knew how to survive. It wasn’t until I got a bit older they shifted me to the high stream and all of a sudden I had friends I was allowed to socialise with. 😮
How weird this comment is! Intellect does not equate to ethical behavior and goodwill. I have taught student children who were academically challenged but had hearts of gold. Others were clever but were not of good character. Also, why were you the one chosen to be in a lower academic class. Did your academic ability match this decision?
Musical performance requires faith, diligence, a lot of attention to detail, discerning, and care… and thus likely aligns itself with children of higher character and quality. It’s logically sensible to imagine that the 5th tier class consists of more apathetic, less mindful, less discerning, less diligent, and less faithful people, who certainly carry these attributes into social settings, manners, peer pressure scenarios, drug offerings, moral tests, etc, and therefore raise many many more red flags than the first group. The point is band-skill is different than intelligence by a long shot.
It's nice to have another piece of the parenting puzzle to add in to raising my young daughter. I was the middle child, left alone with little to no interaction from my parents & the outside world and very negative interaction from my siblings (elder sister would black out and be very abusive, while my younger brother had autism). I had no real friends growing up, mostly because they all seemed odd to me, and I would sit by the school watching everyone play at recess. This interactive physical play is something I had never thought to do with my girl. I'm always at such a loss as to what to do to help her grow.
You're doing your best I'm sure and are willing to learn, which is a very good start. I would say apart from the parenting books and videos, you could join a parent association in your neighborhood. It's often possible for example to have planned activities for the parents and children on top of being a place where one can share their experience and tips on parenting. Wishing you and your family all the best!
My families, on both sides, had lost the art of play for three generations, now I’m fighting to regain it because they deserve it. Thank you.
Powerful message! It is not easy to discipline and raise children, sometimes we get confused thinking that just by loving them they'll be OK. Love is not enough, kids need discipline, values, advice from their parents as to what is best for them and why. Dr. Peterson is right in so many things like: teach our kids to control their anger and be civilized person, this way they'll know they can't go through life going as they please; socialize and look for peers/friends who will challenge them in a good way; be good sport and open to criticism. BUT most important: be the best version of themselves so people enjoy having them around (to like them).
Sometimes listening to Jordan Peterson makes me sad, I wonder what the hell happened in my life growing up that threw me off track so much 😢 why couldn't I be well adjusted. It has taken me decades just to get the basics down.
Don’t despair. You need the power of the Holy Spirit to execute what Jordan is saying. It’s Gods wisdom through him. My life transformed when I started going to church and following Jesus
I could and also have listened to jordan speak for hours and hours.
By nurturing them from before and after birth, nurturing includes teaching dedicating time and commitment of being your priority.
Children learn by mimic of sounds and what they see and live.
If a parent focuses more on everything else instead of your child then parenting is failing.
Having many opportunities like art, music , sport activities is not what is priority , priority is you spend time with them same goes with your spouse.
Your marriage is a cell and your children are your cloned cells if you do not view them as priority ( without babying, spoiling wrong, allow too much ) you are just birthing for no reason, irresponsibly just to be in sync with society.
My kid has good friends. She’s doing well. And I noticed the small group of popular kids are mean, which is a shame because I like them, but I discourage my daughter from trying to impress them because they won’t respect her. We have a small school, small community, everyone knows one another, similar values - that helps.
Es la segunda vez que escucho esta charla. Qué buenos consejos! Mil gracias por todo lo que aportas al mundo, Mr. Peterson.
My son tried the tantrum at the super market once. I apologized to the clerk and gave him $5 to put back my groceries. I took my son back to the car and we drove 25 minutes back home. I told him that he could express his needs but the tantrum will never work. He never did it again.
How old was your kid? From what age I could try that with my kid?
Lucky you. Lol My child has a mental disability and it's not as easy. But we have had minimal tantrums, especially once we weeded out the few caretakers we had but that enabled bad behavior and wouldn't listen to us. But I agree with that concept.
With puberty our child has started to act up again sometimes and we ask if that's helping...the bad behavior. And mention that that's not how to get what you want etc, that it will take longer to reach her goals for what she wants if she acts up.
I think that's why even with a learning disability she seems to be much better behaved than her NT peers, and she also rebounds quickly from disappointment. But we pay attention and homeschool. That helps also of course. ❤ Just difficult to justify some children her age being friends with her when they are so poorly parented (or a lack of).
@@hp9349obably depends on your child, but around 2-3 this concept can start to be learned for sure. If not sooner in subtle ways... giving them good examples in behavior at home and building a good early foundation of trust and affection so they will grow to listen to you.
My child has a learning disability and we've had to reteach this but she's much better behaved than most of her NT peers. If we hadn't had caretakers that enabled bad behavior and tried public school, I think we'd be even further along.
But we had a policy of explaining in age-appropriate ways and even with picture cards, (PECS) that tantrum doesn't equal getting one's way. Simple math. We love her and care for her, that's why undesired behavior will delay reward and perhaps create more work also for her to get what she wants.
We have to help teach coping more than for an NT child, but along with those skills reinforced, she's doing pretty good.
She rebounds from disappointment faster than her peers, and also seems to cut back any pre-teen sass pretty quick when called out. We just make it clear as possible, asking questions like "is that going to make you feel better?" "Is that helping you?" Etc. And if sometimes she needs to whine or whatever, she can do it in appropriate safe ways. Get privacy and scream into a pillow, etc. Working out...this stuff is important and not always obvious or natural to kids, especially if they have a disorder where they don't pick up on things from observation alone.
Yes. I did this, too. Also left several church functions with my daughter under my arm like a football because she refused to eat the dinner & then wanted dessert & started screaming when I told her no. I took her home immediately. She wanted a real dinner. She got a pb & j sandwich & NO dessert. The next time she stopped her fussing & ate the dinner & got dessert (after being reminded what happened the last church supper). We packed up & left friends' houses, and I cancelled fun activities if she gave me a hard time getting ready. She was a very stubborn child, but she eventually learned to control her emotions. She could could tell us she was upset - but she could not act out of control. the other child went through a crying period to get attention. every time she thought it would get her some attention. So I told her, "you may cry as long as you want. I'm sorry you are feeling bad. But from now on you must cry in "this"room (I would designate a different room at different houses) because you are upsetting things." I would calmly walk her to the room & tell her again to cry as long as she felt like it & to come out as soon as she was done. I'm sure you can guess what the outcome was. about 30 seconds of crying and then out she would come.
I can’t put enough likes on this.
May the LORD be merciful and bless you and your family unto salvation, and bear fruits in likeness of our LORD JESUS….
Exactly.
I gave my son my best shot when I told him:
" Be careful of your friends".
That's a good one, yeah!
@@Sophia. telling them is one thing.
Them doing it is another.
@@Kitiwake well, obviously...🤔
I told my kid that drugs will never be offered from a monster, it will always be from a friend or family.
@@ParkDarii had passed that phase. I need to grow. My mum died of severe depression because of my father depletes his retirement money while i finishing my degree. After i had finished my degree, i subsconciously follow "best friends" who do drugs.
Love Jordan Petersons work i hope many people can find a breakthrough from his work like I have thank you
I was certainly the kind of mum who steered her kids towards the really nice Thoughtful, kind, kids. My kids (now 34 & 30) are great human beings who are both kind & thoughtful and fun to be around. They are now doing the same things with their kids. They both have best friends from their 1st year in Primary School. I was particularly fussy about choosing that Primary school too. Be pro-active. As an adult I walk away from difficult nasty, self obsessed people, I have trained my kids to do the same thing.
Yes, you were a good Mum and it paid off. You must have the right partner to support your way of parenting, although you make no mention of him.
This is one reason why Im grateful to have 4 children. Two, who'd be diagnosed with ADHD/ODD in a heartbeat if we sought it, need the near constant (they're homeschooled) refinement of the interaction with their siblings. We frequently meet up with other kids but I never would have been able to schedule enough play time.
I have 3 out of 5 with adhd and you're right. Also other kids can't keep up with them and ignore them.
Just need to show your children what kindness is. Let them express their feelings and place boundaries, which they will push but out consequence in place when pushed ( time out of loss of something they enjoy for a time). But most importantly do what works best for your family, everyone is different and there is no perfect answer to the question. Not what i wrote and also not what he said. Good luck other parents and just be kind to yourself and your kids.
Agree to most, but I would never punish my 2 year old by forcing them to stay on the stairs. That doesn’t teach them to regululate themselves but to surpress their emotions. I let them express their tantrums and showed them I stayed calm. Tramtrums in all 3 of my children have naturally disapeared. Emotions are a cleansing mechanism in 2 year olds that help them to process their emotions. One should always reflect on one’s own behaviour as the causes of a child having a large number of tantrums.
Mr peterson has been tought to surpress his enotions by the way, this can be seen by his outbursts of grief on camera.
You realize he’s a psychologist right? I think he knows how not to damage his child. If a child is angry, they need a time out. Plain and simple.
having qualified as a psychologist (not plain and simple but rather complex) doesn't automatically make one an atuned parent (plain and simple)@@Psychiatricnerd
Encourage your children to be the sort of people that other people really want to have around, who are always invited to play and if you do that, they'll take care of themselves - JP
At the age that you can "select" your child's friends, you are basically selecting those friends parents.
Everyone wants optimal partners in play. Love seeing my friends compete with eachother in sports as a couple. It's fun and productive. I sometimes join the fun.
It's pretty crazy how many people let children win while playing and let them run over them emotionally by being way too accepting of their bad behavior while that is so incredibly counter-intuitive, at least for me. I don't let my niece win and I also took a stand by not letting her try to manipulate me by throwing a tantrum and getting angry when playing a game for example, while my parents and my sister just gave up everytime and were way too nice. I just told her I didn't want to play anymore in the future if she kept doing it because that is how the real world works.
I have a child in my life who loves to go places with me. She has to obey me at all times (as 1 of my children would). She’s no problem for me and will announce how she’s doing as she’s told. “I’m still wearing my seatbelt, (my name)!” - from the backseat. “So I can come next time u go to the library, right?”
Lol
She’s a hellion for anyone else in her life, but I’m simply consistent in my simple mandate of you do what ur told and you get to have fun. Besides the fact I like to be around her so I talk to her. When she’s been around some friends tho, or goes off to see some family members, lordy. She takes quite a few hours to find her sense again and not be a demanding bratty shrew.
For anyone interested I just went through the videos in DWP platform one by one and thankfully I quickly came to the one in Melbourne Australia as the talk this clip was taken from! Thanks effort! 😄
One of the things I have come across throughout the many years of my life is that what counts most is that people are honest, sincere, and have a good common sense. Everything else is really superfluous.
Honesty is not only the best policy, but the best quality you can find in any person. Regardless of any other factor. besides a willingness to help and being kind. That’s some thing that a lot of people put a distance second to “tough man” talk, which is ephemeral and ridiculous
About to become a first time mama with my boyfriend who I know is going to be the best father, and I LOVE what Jordan had to say about all this. Really brilliant
Don't you feel your more suited to be friends with hippy liberals because wouldn't conservative values be like... why isn't your boyfriend your husband? Liberals are like "every situation is different".
He will be a better father, after he becomes your husband. ❤
You deserve stability, and marriage is better & more stable for the raising children.
Praying he commits as husband too. God bless your family dear one.
@@kimberlyanderson1916 thank you so much 🙏🏽 and yes, we are already committed for life and plan to get married, we simply don’t have enough money at the moment. But I have no doubt be will become even better as a husband 💗
@@rachelpops9239 thank you so much 🙏🏽💗 yes we both have already mentioned we are committed for life and look forward to a life and family together. We plan to get married but just don’t have the money now, want to get the baby settled first and then look at our finances. But I am so excited for our family together ♥️
This was at the Sydney show and I was lucky enough to be there 😊😊
There's one thing I don't agree on and that's popularity. I've found more often than not, the popular kids are problematic and mean. Another thing is, I remember growing up you meet tons of kids with good and bad attitudes, and if I tried to imitate those bad attitudes my parents would be "your friend may be able to get away with that behavior in their house, but that's not going to work in my house" and it's something that stuck with me. My parents were steadfast in what behavior they found unacceptable from the get go and I would either choose to have a good day or a bad one, like in JP's example.
I agree. Some very unpopular kids are just shy or naive or even not "bad" as the "popular" ones. I think it makes sense when you have a kid that is nasty, prone to rage, etc But unpopularity happens for many reasons.
Yeah and I really think some kids are neuro atypical and don’t make friends as easily as other kids do. I never had any friends as a kid and was always really awkward and my eldest son unfortunately has inherited this from me. I have a job and a good husband and a couple friends now, and I’ve never commited any crimes or anything so I think I turned out okay. I have a good relationship with my parents and brother. But I think some kids just struggle to make friends and I don’t think that makes them necessarily bad, and I also don’t think there’s always anything that parents can do to “fix” kids and make them able to be friends. Good lord knows my poor mother tried but I just wasn’t good at other people. I do think at some point we have to love our kids where they are at.
He’s not referring to that ‘kind’ of popularity but the type that attracts healthy relationships where people want to know your story and share their own. It’s basis is compassion and kindness
@@RenewYourMindToday yep this!
This is GREAT needed to hear this to help in my job with child behaivor!! THANK YOU
Oh, my God, this seems to me indeed the purpose of life. But.. you must already be into your abyss so we could realy comprehend and embrace it! Thank you, Sir! Message received!
I am very choosey about my children’s friends. Not always confident I am doing the right thing but, I take my chances. 🤷🏽♀️
When you hear this type of caring person & all that it entails, you realise and are conscious of how standards & values in society have slipped so massively
Bless this man’s soul !!!!! ✨✨✨✨ very very understandable !
I wonder if it has ever occurred to Jordan Peterson to consider the possibility that the child’s anger is justified and worthy of some root cause analysis, If not review of a potential error by the parent.
I've seen in my life upbringing and in my child's development that all this is 100% true.
Really enjoying these as we have a 1 year old boy and Jordan Peterson is the only phycologist who’s opinions we respect!
Hmmm i don’t agree with the “popularity is a sign of successful parenting”. I’m not a popular person but i have a rock solid marriage, treasured friends and wonderful kids.
Tons of popular people are miserable. My goal is to have kids with good manners, who follow principles of natural law. The rest sorts itself out.
He's not talking about popular adults he's talking about popular children. Children who are popular usually have skills such being able to play well, stable demeanor, confident and friendly.... unpopular kids are naughty, play rough, mean, unstable etc
@@CB-123 there are tyrant cliques too. a disfunctional popularity structure based on power and submission.
its important to help the kid discern between genuine popularity and mafia structures.
fortunately, even though the bad structure is louder, genuine structures are more common.
This is really great ! Thank you so much, Jordan.
I agree with you. Damn ive gone through lot of bullshit due to bad peers....and I'm happy my kid is taking his time to select his friends and not just jumping into impressing every single kid around him! He is 3.5 and doesnt have friends is getting social little by little.. lets see how this goes!
My husband and I used to joke that together we made up one functioning adult. I guess that’s not such a bad thing after all.
Yes encourage your kids to be judgemental and live in a social vacuum. The truth is that if you aren't a good parent your kids will learn how to be an adult from their peers. If you're a good parent they will learn from you, no matter who their friends are. Everyone has value and you gain experience from interacting with different types of people. Otherwise you end up narrow minded and naive to reality.
Good point: If you aren't a good parent your kids will learn from their peers.
I was raised in a disfuncional family and ended up alone and suffering with no one by my side. Luckily I found music and books but I have a hole in my chest I cannot fill and probably never will.
There is a wise, old saying - "What you didn't get, you give." It's a karma thing.
Karma doesn’t exist. It’s just the consequences. Change the actions and the consequences change.
This may sound cliche but the only one to fill the void is the Lord. Their are many online churches…I live elevation church. Just check out one of their sermons and I guarantee a complete filling of that void will begin…
I hope you do Mariano! Books and music are beautiful, they are connections to people in a way, but there is more and I hope you find it or it finds you ❤
7:40.. why would you want a partner who's better at the game than you are?
Well, because you can only get smarter by playing a smarter opponent
I enjoyed this one. Significant cross over with teaching young children how to grapple properly- wrestling/BJJ- huge benefits.
Funny you say that. My daughter is going through a bit of a rough patch. She’s 5 but has been going through a bit of a rough patch and we just put her in BJJ and I really do think it’s going to be good for her in regards to humbling her and being okay with losing etc.
This is a regular topic in our household. We are trying to raise our children to be a light to the world and be strong enough that negative relationships learn from them, instead of infecting them. My son is 8 and my daughter is 9. And I will admit openly, they are not rational beings, yet. I read Ephesians 6, the scriptural charge for Dad's and I consider it thoughtfully. "Fathers do nothing to provoke (often interpreted as "anger") your children." One version words it as "do nothing to cause resentment in your children". How do you do that with an irrational being, and still guide them to be a bigger and better person? My take is that I do nothing that would cause my children (In their adulthood) to resent me.
Ha, you are great Dr. Peterson : ) I agree with everything you said. Wish I knew of you sooner.
Lmao; I just love how he elaborates so much with utter perfection. Love you JP 🫶🏻
I remember seeing kids allowed to create all sorts of chaos in public, when my kids were not raised to misbehave. We now see what became of those children- they’re crazy adults.