Very helpful ! When I received my diagnosis of ADHD, I just was given medication. Emotional dysregulation is a an aspect of ADHD not taken seriously enough .
This was really helpful! I didn’t even realize I needed to identify the “wave” as it happens. I step away but always after things have already escalated. Then I just sit and stew and by the time I’ve come down, I have no idea how to come back to the person because I feel so much shame for my reaction. It’s a vicious cycle!
catching yourself in the "wave" is hard but it is at the point you can pause... step back... and down regulate. Easy to say... difficult to execute. Keep the faith.
Exactly. And it is worse the next time it happens because we remember how terrible we felt/things went the last time. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can help if you are struggling, and an ADHD friendly anti-anxiety medicine could help with the down regulation if having trouble naming and taming the reaction even with CBT.
I'm not paralyzed. I'm planning. People have always pushed me out of the way because I stop and think before I do things... I always figure they think I am just that catatonic or something. But I am strategizing. Probably much quicker than normal people can do.
Pausing and pondering before you proceed is what many with ADHD struggle with. Either they don't pause... or they get stuck in pondering. Pondering is often and endless number of simulations that are more than their working memory can handle.
Great video, even better information. This is the exact same things I have talked about in therapy for a long time. Identifying triggers, mindfulness, etc. You provide an excellent synopsis.
+nygreenguy I'm thrilled with your comments. What has been amazing or what i've learned is... only the individual can witness what they are attending to. The world speaks to outcomes. Question is... what is the process to get to the outcome. Emotional regulation is about the process to managing your attention. to do so one needs to be able to witness their brain in its natural habitat and then beat it as its own game. The focus on outcome does nothing to help a person witness their attention.... it just puts pressure and often paralizes the person which is the opposite outcome. I'll be interested in what other say about this video.
+AttentionTalkVideo great video. My thought is that many people need to get to certain point in their lives to actually do what you are describing. I think what you are describing is powerful but really needs to be put into practice/lived on a moment to moment basis... and not taken in as information.
+energyeternal I interviewed Autumn Zitani (on attention talk radio) who heads up the ciriculum at Sesame Street. In season 43 (i believe) they focused on self regulation (both attention and emotional) because they believe the ability to self regulate has a profound impact on learning. While i agree with you many seem to need to be in pain first... the need is there and the process is almost ubiquious!
When I am triggered by something that emotion takes over my brain and no matter how much I try to suppress it, I can not. Looking for ways to regulate my emotions
maybe the idea is not to suppress but rather acknowledge it is there... question the emotion... look at the emotion as if it deceives you. Again, just a thought. the thing about emotional self regulation is there are two ways to manage it. First, don't put yourself in a position to get triggered and to override the emotion in the minute. To override the emotion in the momet takes self-awareness. the tip, trick, or stragy won't do it for you. All it does is put you in a position to choose. Emotional self-regulation is challenging. Keep the faith. Thanks for watching my channel.
Coached a guy years ago who struggled with emotional self regulation. It all ended when he shared how he got through boot camp in the military. In boot camp they scream and yadda yadda yadda. I asked how did you manage it. He said, he understood they were just testing him to see if he would crack... that they didn't mean it personally... it was a test. Then he realized often bullies are just taking their frustration out on them... in that moment he was able to realize it was their problem and just ignore it. That might not work for you but i hope the story helps you think of what might work for you.
Great talk and information! It would be really helpful if you could talk a little slower because you are providing so much good information. Thank you!
My mother was making me angry as always again today.. I left the kitchen and went and stood right in front of the tv and listened to it make the hair on my skin vibrate….my what would have been a rage fit, came and went silently.. I didn’t even open my mouth to utter a single word..
I deal with a workplace bully at work and I've had so much trauma sometimes I just break down and I don't care who's watching. They don't care anyway. But xanax, and deep breathing, and just carrying on, has helped.
Bulling is a very real issue and getting worse. We like to have perfect solutions. Unfortunately there isn't always a perfect solution. That said, i'm happy to hear the xanax and breathing are helping! Keep it up and keep the faith!
I was in a workplace like this for 3 years. Now I have a great job where I am appreciated and loved. Just remember IT'S NOT YOU. People with ADHD have a tendency to blame themselves. Particularly with work related stuff because we always think we are slacking. Don't for one second imagine this person is right in their opinion of you. They aren't. You are dealing with a bully and you're threatening them. That's why they're behaving this way. You're probably excellent at your job and you deserve to be somewhere where people appreciate you and if the person is breaking the rules of the workplace or sexually harassing you- SPEAK UP!!!!
Hi, I take small doses of Xanax too, but it makes me sleepy within some hours. I tried CBD pills in a legal state it works too, but more costly. I've never tried the hemp CBD, but it says it helps too. Also, edibles in small doses, have worked, but not advisable for work, but for weekends or after work they also work. Although some can make you hungry.
Do ADHD medications help with emotional self regulation at all? Or is it just mindfulness strategies. My “trigger” is math overwhelm when seeing how much math I actually need to do. Even though once I actually start it doesn’t take too long. I spend HOURS in overwhelm before I can start. Which screws over my other classes as I have less time to study for them. I’m worried about completing my degree because of this. To be clear it’s not an issue of difficulty as my working memory is decent. It’s an issue of paralysis at the PERCEIVED amount of difficulty if that makes any sense.
I understand they are supposed to help for some. From my experience they often do indirectly. When they work many with ADHD can sustain focus longer on things that were challenging and get them done. When that happens productivity increases and the emotions decrease... so to me they often help because of cause and effect. All that said, that is my experience witnessing. I'm not a mental health professional or scientist.
Sounds to me like you need to keep reminding yourself that your perception is wrong and you’ve been through this before and you can handle this! This is the part of ADHD I really hate...forgetting what I actually do know, especially easy when I panic about something that makes me anxious. It hijacks my brain and my emotional control.
@@Mockduck2020 I encourage you to let go of works like "wrong". When you are threated it's like a reflex to respond without thinking. The trick is to pause and get your thinking brain on line. That is why the pause is so important. Not just of those with ADHD but also first responders. What is the first thing they are supposed to do? Not panic... in other words pause.
ADHD medicines can help provide the "mental space" to assess before going straight to the physiological response. Anxiety drugs can help reduce the size of the trigger as well, reducing it to a more manageable target, but ultimately "pills don't teach skills" and cognitive behavioral therapy or other mental health non-drug therapies can be as effective or more effective in dealing with struggles like emotional disregulation. (I'm starting to deal with this myself, having finally identified why I get so angry and stressed out all the time over stupid (and some not so stupid) stuff.
Simple answer... pause... take a few deep breaths, calm down and think so you respond and not react. The fact is if what i wrote was easy you wouldn't be making this post. It takes self awareness... lots of it to catch yourself and change emotion. You might consider googling "attention talk radio sesame street" and listen to my interview with Autumn from Sesame Street. While we talked about how they help preschools manage emotions the fundamentals are the same for adults.
Do you have anything that works for conversations and arguments? Usually I experience this kind of emotional pressure when I'm being socially confronted, or challanged or argued with. I can't exactly ask them to hold on while I leave and calm down. I need some kind of technique I can do internally. I can't just reframe their insult, or argumentative position because I feel that they, by behaving as they do, have breached my internal lines of acceptance, my unwritten rules of coduct and therefore, need to be argued with, to demonstrate how they make me feel. I'm complicated.
It's like, "why am I the one who has to learn some acceptance of this behaviour? It isn't fair or just that I should have to take this.". And that makes me angry.
Very grateful for you post. You stated... I need some kind of technique. I'm not a mental health professional or a researcher. I'm just a coach so take my response as based on my experience and not scientific fact. Emotional self regulation is a huge challenge for many with ADHD. Most are looking for a thing... a technique that is going to do the work for them instantaneously. From my experience it does exist. Emotional self regulation is from the inside out and is a process. Leaving to calm down is a process (a technique) that I'm guessing works for you. I would encourage you to continue that technique. That said, i do advocate for attention exercise. Practicing calming down in a safe environment. What does that look like? I loved the last election. People were very polarized. For my trump fans i'd have then watch CNN. For my Biden fans i'd have them watch fox news. The exercise was to watch and notice how their blood pressure would rise, how they would feel anger in their body and PAUSE. Realize the news was just words, to breath and relax to calm down (you could do this while watching a tear jerker or a suspense movie). The idea was to practice this like an athlete to develop the skill of letting go and down regulating. Self regulating emotions is effortful. There is no easy way out. While difficult I hope this give you clarity and hope. Again, thanks for posting
@@AttentionTalkVideo Thanks for your reply. I have found that, while intentionally exposing myself to stressor like political news, I often end up frustrated by it. I simply over think it and the various realisations, understandings of their motivations, seeing through their rhetorical techniques and evocative language makes me frustrated because I also realise that they wouldn't employ them if they didn't work, which in turn means that most people fall for such simple things. It's not such much the words that people use, it's the fact I have deconstructed them internally, understand where they're coming from, why they're wrong, how they're using logiclal falacies and I'm stuck realising there is now way to get any of this information through to them. Incredibly frustrating. Anyway, I could go on for hours, but thanks for the effort anyways.
@@richard1311 Not sure if this will resonate but... if you are exposing yourself to news and end up frustrated your kind of getting sucked into it. Some find it helpful to think of other peoples works/emotions as objects. You can ignore them or invite them in for tea. My post about practicing emotional self regulation by watching the news was an exercise to let the words and emotions go... ignore them... let them go.
i was diagnosed with an organic adhd . i really struggle with flight and fight. i was hit with a brick at 3 right on the frontal cortex maybe superior-mid region. it got me good. Trying to overcome it but i freeze sometimes so bad that i cant notice it fast enough its irritating ...
@@AttentionTalkVideo Ive been researching since my original comment i end up freezing and flopping a large percatage of the time it seems. Sometimes im extremely successful however. to answer youre question ive smoked alot of cannabis. most strains help well more than alot of other things.
I was just diagnosed and I’m trying to navigate this. I can’t help but feel a sense of relief because I finally know what’s going on with me. The hardest part is understanding that there’s nothing WRONG with me. I’m just wired differently
is it possible for this dysregulation to be more prevalent as an adolescent and then grow out of it? i used to have incredibly severe reactions to only losing in video games but now it doesnt bother me. I guess I also got overwhelmed with math easily so maybe it’s just me avoiding the triggers.
Does a person grow out of ADHD? Interesting question. Some say you do. From my perspective things and circumstances change. There is a maturing factor plus as you get older often you are more in control of your world and have the ability to put yourself in environments that don't trigger you. Again, just my perspective.
My son has autism and goes to fight or flight in .1 seconds. I neeeeeed to learn to teach him to self regulate. It's hard though because at the end of the day I'm damn tired and not sure I can even self regulate. Lol
Parenting complex kids is difficult for any parent... which makes sense given the kids are complex. Elaine Taylor Klaus at Impactparents is great at coaching parents how to coach their kids.
Cognition is viewed differently by many. Researchers are now saying ADHD is an executive functioning impairment. Is it impairment? I guess it depends. Thanks for posting.
Very helpful ! When I received my diagnosis of ADHD, I just was given medication. Emotional dysregulation is a an aspect of ADHD not taken seriously enough .
I'm glad it was helpful. I agree the emotional part of ADHD isn't given the respect it is due.
Thanks for posting.
When you have adhd and missed the entire video brb gotta restart the video 😅😭
LOL!
Imagine how it was back in the 70's. there was virtually no rewind.
🤭😂 same.. I got distracted reading the comments 🫣 Ok, let me start again
This was really helpful! I didn’t even realize I needed to identify the “wave” as it happens. I step away but always after things have already escalated. Then I just sit and stew and by the time I’ve come down, I have no idea how to come back to the person because I feel so much shame for my reaction. It’s a vicious cycle!
catching yourself in the "wave" is hard but it is at the point you can pause... step back... and down regulate. Easy to say... difficult to execute.
Keep the faith.
When we can identify this is when we can start the change .
Its been a year hope you are doing better!
Exactly. And it is worse the next time it happens because we remember how terrible we felt/things went the last time. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can help if you are struggling, and an ADHD friendly anti-anxiety medicine could help with the down regulation if having trouble naming and taming the reaction even with CBT.
I'm not paralyzed. I'm planning. People have always pushed me out of the way because I stop and think before I do things... I always figure they think I am just that catatonic or something. But I am strategizing. Probably much quicker than normal people can do.
Pausing and pondering before you proceed is what many with ADHD struggle with. Either they don't pause... or they get stuck in pondering. Pondering is often and endless number of simulations that are more than their working memory can handle.
You explained that so perfectly! Very accurate! Happens to me all the time!
Me too. I go into a self protection mode- plan, control, escape.
Great video, even better information. This is the exact same things I have talked about in therapy for a long time. Identifying triggers, mindfulness, etc. You provide an excellent synopsis.
+nygreenguy I'm thrilled with your comments. What has been amazing or what i've learned is... only the individual can witness what they are attending to. The world speaks to outcomes. Question is... what is the process to get to the outcome. Emotional regulation is about the process to managing your attention. to do so one needs to be able to witness their brain in its natural habitat and then beat it as its own game. The focus on outcome does nothing to help a person witness their attention.... it just puts pressure and often paralizes the person which is the opposite outcome. I'll be interested in what other say about this video.
+AttentionTalkVideo great video. My thought is that many people need to get to certain point in their lives to actually do what you are describing. I think what you are describing is powerful but really needs to be put into practice/lived on a moment to moment basis... and not taken in as information.
+energyeternal I interviewed Autumn Zitani (on attention talk radio) who heads up the ciriculum at Sesame Street. In season 43 (i believe) they focused on self regulation (both attention and emotional) because they believe the ability to self regulate has a profound impact on learning. While i agree with you many seem to need to be in pain first... the need is there and the process is almost ubiquious!
When I am triggered by something that emotion takes over my brain and no matter how much I try to suppress it, I can not. Looking for ways to regulate my emotions
maybe the idea is not to suppress but rather acknowledge it is there... question the emotion... look at the emotion as if it deceives you. Again, just a thought.
the thing about emotional self regulation is there are two ways to manage it. First, don't put yourself in a position to get triggered and to override the emotion in the minute. To override the emotion in the momet takes self-awareness. the tip, trick, or stragy won't do it for you. All it does is put you in a position to choose.
Emotional self-regulation is challenging. Keep the faith. Thanks for watching my channel.
@@AttentionTalkVideo omg thank youuu I was always running away from them and bottles up my emotions
@@jay-vd1np you are welcome!
The only problem for me is that this happens when I'm in meetings at work. My boss is a bully.
Coached a guy years ago who struggled with emotional self regulation. It all ended when he shared how he got through boot camp in the military. In boot camp they scream and yadda yadda yadda. I asked how did you manage it. He said, he understood they were just testing him to see if he would crack... that they didn't mean it personally... it was a test. Then he realized often bullies are just taking their frustration out on them... in that moment he was able to realize it was their problem and just ignore it. That might not work for you but i hope the story helps you think of what might work for you.
Great talk and information! It would be really helpful if you could talk a little slower because you are providing so much good information. Thank you!
Noted!
I lie down close my eyes and shut everything out until I calm down.
Love it when people post what works for them. At times i think it inspires others! Thanks
My mother was making me angry as always again today.. I left the kitchen and went and stood right in front of the tv and listened to it make the hair on my skin vibrate….my what would have been a rage fit, came and went silently.. I didn’t even open my mouth to utter a single word..
Booya! That is emotional self regulation.
Thanks for the video.
You are welcome!
This the only techinic works for me. Thanks
it works for most. its not always easy but it does work
I deal with a workplace bully at work and I've had so much trauma sometimes I just break down and I don't care who's watching. They don't care anyway. But xanax, and deep breathing, and just carrying on, has helped.
Bulling is a very real issue and getting worse. We like to have perfect solutions. Unfortunately there isn't always a perfect solution. That said, i'm happy to hear the xanax and breathing are helping! Keep it up and keep the faith!
I was in a workplace like this for 3 years. Now I have a great job where I am appreciated and loved. Just remember IT'S NOT YOU. People with ADHD have a tendency to blame themselves. Particularly with work related stuff because we always think we are slacking. Don't for one second imagine this person is right in their opinion of you. They aren't. You are dealing with a bully and you're threatening them. That's why they're behaving this way. You're probably excellent at your job and you deserve to be somewhere where people appreciate you and if the person is breaking the rules of the workplace or sexually harassing you- SPEAK UP!!!!
@@michelletulumello661 VERY well said!
@@michelletulumello661 I've been working at a place where my boss is a bully for FOUR years. I have tried to find another job and I STILL haven't yet.
Hi, I take small doses of Xanax too, but it makes me sleepy within some hours. I tried CBD pills in a legal state it works too, but more costly. I've never tried the hemp CBD, but it says it helps too. Also, edibles in small doses, have worked, but not advisable for work, but for weekends or after work they also work. Although some can make you hungry.
This man is amazing thank you 🙏
Grateful for your comment.
Do ADHD medications help with emotional self regulation at all? Or is it just mindfulness strategies. My “trigger” is math overwhelm when seeing how much math I actually need to do. Even though once I actually start it doesn’t take too long. I spend HOURS in overwhelm before I can start. Which screws over my other classes as I have less time to study for them. I’m worried about completing my degree because of this. To be clear it’s not an issue of difficulty as my working memory is decent. It’s an issue of paralysis at the PERCEIVED amount of difficulty if that makes any sense.
I understand they are supposed to help for some. From my experience they often do indirectly. When they work many with ADHD can sustain focus longer on things that were challenging and get them done. When that happens productivity increases and the emotions decrease... so to me they often help because of cause and effect.
All that said, that is my experience witnessing. I'm not a mental health professional or scientist.
Sounds to me like you need to keep reminding yourself that your perception is wrong and you’ve been through this before and you can handle this!
This is the part of ADHD I really hate...forgetting what I actually do know, especially easy when I panic about something that makes me anxious. It hijacks my brain and my emotional control.
@@Mockduck2020 I encourage you to let go of works like "wrong". When you are threated it's like a reflex to respond without thinking. The trick is to pause and get your thinking brain on line. That is why the pause is so important. Not just of those with ADHD but also first responders. What is the first thing they are supposed to do? Not panic... in other words pause.
ADHD medicines can help provide the "mental space" to assess before going straight to the physiological response. Anxiety drugs can help reduce the size of the trigger as well, reducing it to a more manageable target, but ultimately "pills don't teach skills" and cognitive behavioral therapy or other mental health non-drug therapies can be as effective or more effective in dealing with struggles like emotional disregulation.
(I'm starting to deal with this myself, having finally identified why I get so angry and stressed out all the time over stupid (and some not so stupid) stuff.
100% You will get pissed less
I get the flight or fight response whenever I get into any kind of stand your ground or confrontation feeling in a conversation, what can I do?
Simple answer... pause... take a few deep breaths, calm down and think so you respond and not react. The fact is if what i wrote was easy you wouldn't be making this post. It takes self awareness... lots of it to catch yourself and change emotion. You might consider googling "attention talk radio sesame street" and listen to my interview with Autumn from Sesame Street. While we talked about how they help preschools manage emotions the fundamentals are the same for adults.
@@AttentionTalkVideo so mindfullness meditation?
@@conman20000 loosely translated... YES!
Do you have anything that works for conversations and arguments? Usually I experience this kind of emotional pressure when I'm being socially confronted, or challanged or argued with. I can't exactly ask them to hold on while I leave and calm down. I need some kind of technique I can do internally. I can't just reframe their insult, or argumentative position because I feel that they, by behaving as they do, have breached my internal lines of acceptance, my unwritten rules of coduct and therefore, need to be argued with, to demonstrate how they make me feel.
I'm complicated.
It's like, "why am I the one who has to learn some acceptance of this behaviour? It isn't fair or just that I should have to take this.". And that makes me angry.
Very grateful for you post. You stated... I need some kind of technique.
I'm not a mental health professional or a researcher. I'm just a coach so take my response as based on my experience and not scientific fact.
Emotional self regulation is a huge challenge for many with ADHD. Most are looking for a thing... a technique that is going to do the work for them instantaneously. From my experience it does exist. Emotional self regulation is from the inside out and is a process. Leaving to calm down is a process (a technique) that I'm guessing works for you. I would encourage you to continue that technique.
That said, i do advocate for attention exercise. Practicing calming down in a safe environment. What does that look like? I loved the last election. People were very polarized. For my trump fans i'd have then watch CNN. For my Biden fans i'd have them watch fox news. The exercise was to watch and notice how their blood pressure would rise, how they would feel anger in their body and PAUSE. Realize the news was just words, to breath and relax to calm down (you could do this while watching a tear jerker or a suspense movie). The idea was to practice this like an athlete to develop the skill of letting go and down regulating.
Self regulating emotions is effortful. There is no easy way out. While difficult I hope this give you clarity and hope.
Again, thanks for posting
@@AttentionTalkVideo Thanks for your reply. I have found that, while intentionally exposing myself to stressor like political news, I often end up frustrated by it. I simply over think it and the various realisations, understandings of their motivations, seeing through their rhetorical techniques and evocative language makes me frustrated because I also realise that they wouldn't employ them if they didn't work, which in turn means that most people fall for such simple things.
It's not such much the words that people use, it's the fact I have deconstructed them internally, understand where they're coming from, why they're wrong, how they're using logiclal falacies and I'm stuck realising there is now way to get any of this information through to them.
Incredibly frustrating.
Anyway, I could go on for hours, but thanks for the effort anyways.
@@richard1311 Not sure if this will resonate but... if you are exposing yourself to news and end up frustrated your kind of getting sucked into it. Some find it helpful to think of other peoples works/emotions as objects. You can ignore them or invite them in for tea. My post about practicing emotional self regulation by watching the news was an exercise to let the words and emotions go... ignore them... let them go.
This is right!
i was diagnosed with an organic adhd . i really struggle with flight and fight. i was hit with a brick at 3 right on the frontal cortex maybe superior-mid region. it got me good. Trying to overcome it but i freeze sometimes so bad that i cant notice it fast enough its irritating ...
... wow... sounds challenging. Have you figured out a few things that help you manage it?
@@AttentionTalkVideo Ive been researching since my original comment i end up freezing and flopping a large percatage of the time it seems. Sometimes im extremely successful however. to answer youre question ive smoked alot of cannabis. most strains help well more than alot of other things.
You’re amazing.
thank you for that kind complement.
I was just diagnosed and I’m trying to navigate this. I can’t help but feel a sense of relief because I finally know what’s going on with me. The hardest part is understanding that there’s nothing WRONG with me. I’m just wired differently
why is that so hard?
@@AttentionTalkVideo I think because I have always felt that something was wrong. I have had a stigma about ADHD and what it really means
@@WhosJusToi got it!
is it possible for this dysregulation to be more prevalent as an adolescent and then grow out of it? i used to have incredibly severe reactions to only losing in video games but now it doesnt bother me. I guess I also got overwhelmed with math easily so maybe it’s just me avoiding the triggers.
Does a person grow out of ADHD? Interesting question. Some say you do. From my perspective things and circumstances change. There is a maturing factor plus as you get older often you are more in control of your world and have the ability to put yourself in environments that don't trigger you. Again, just my perspective.
My son has autism and goes to fight or flight in .1 seconds. I neeeeeed to learn to teach him to self regulate. It's hard though because at the end of the day I'm damn tired and not sure I can even self regulate. Lol
Parenting complex kids is difficult for any parent... which makes sense given the kids are complex. Elaine Taylor Klaus at Impactparents is great at coaching parents how to coach their kids.
God I hope I get something from this... I'm out of options and I'm gonna traumatize my kids if I haven't already.
hope it helped
😜
It's not a cognitive deficit try medication first
Cognition is viewed differently by many. Researchers are now saying ADHD is an executive functioning impairment. Is it impairment? I guess it depends.
Thanks for posting.
Xanax helps me.