I have had almost similar experience not too long ago. What I learned through this difficult lesson is that not everyone is willing to be better, even if you think change is good for them. It’s difficult because you care and you love and you want to make it better for them. I also realized there is a difference between complaining (staying weak) and asking for help. So when they complaint, it’s easy to desire to try and make it better for them. So there is inevitably tension, you wanting better for them, and them resisting improvement. This is draining. I decided that the best way forward for all is for me to remove my desire to help and to allow them the space to be wherever they choose to be (even if it’s to their detriment). It’s not easy because we love and care and it hurts to see them suffering. But we must understand that if someone, even a close and loved one, is at level 1 or 2 and not ready to yet to move up, you CANNOT pull them just because you know it’s better and they will be ok. It will suck the energy out of you because this journey is meant to lighten, not burdened. It’s a lesson of letting go and surrender. Yes honoring choice, not just for us but for them too. To give them the time and space to evolve, not because we want it. It is very very hard. This is the nature of love. It can empower you but it can equally weaken you. Just my take on the situation based on my own experience. 😊
Thank you very beautifully expressed. I adjusted thinking about the other and felt into the pessimist in me that can be so strong and the voice of encouragement and helpful advice is not always as strong, the willingness to act in one’s best interest. I feel that coming to a place of wanting to help others in any way has helps me to start to feel a sense of love and gratitude for all we are going though on this planet.
My husband revealed to be a pessimist vampyre (a victim-narcisist-teenager), after covid he became totally draining and now I am sick, I really struggle getting my energy back, although I do a lot of meditation and prayers and exercises, I need to find a way to remove myself from this person. I tried once and failed, then I now recognize the power of my inner Saboteur and pattern. I am stopping giving chances and listening to this selfish man. The same happened with my parents, from whom it took me half of my life to get away and still influence my inner Sabouteur voice. I am working on changing myself, regain my self-esteem, power and self-love and detaching emotionally, I hope to be ready and strong enough to physically move away too. I realize that even if I used to love my husband, he is making me miserable, sick and not living the life I want. Thank you, Caroline for this video. God bless you.
So useful - I have become wary of the phrase "that's just the way I am" - a useful signal that the person believes in a kind of 'stuckness' that is insurmountable.
What you are speaking about with the hugging draining you, is something I experienced during my internship in massage school. I got to the point where even my teachers were telling me that I looked like a zombie and I was crying every day when I left. I even put up different bubbles of energetic protection, but it didn't solve it. I have since also become picky about who I hug and when. I also recently learned that we release cortisol through our skin and it can get on to the people around us. I had also recently experienced something going through the air conditioner vents from my previous roommate and affecting both her daughter and I. It wasn't until the next day that I had found out what was going on, I just knew something was veryyyy off and that it wasn't my energy. I find it very interesting and always get excited when I can find new areas to put up boundaries. Thank you for all of your videos! I love your analogy of the high rise building and going up floors. You make me uncomfortable in areas that I am excited to heal and grow in. 💕
Excellent perspective, thank you I realize that I was raised by an anxious mother who believe the "other shoe is about to drop" and that overly cautious, nervous nature was toxic. I have seen it during my adult life within and have to battle the "small voice in my head" that living with abudance, joy, and liveliness is not possible. Your teaches help me debunk this limiting belief and turn towards the light.
I was a pessimist and it has been hard to change. I am so much better. But I believe it grew from the way I was raised by pessimistic parents. Older abusive parents. You just see no light in your life.
I became aware of energy exchanges/depletion etc. when I was a teenager. Fine tune things as I grow. I ALWAYS self assess before interactions ... if I am in a state where I don't want to even be with myself I don't interact with others. I LOVE when conversations, creativity, problem solving just flow and nourish everybody involved. Great info ... thank you!
I absolutely love it when you share personal details of your life, and I was laughing and relating to your comment, "I do not make mistakes in my kitchen." May God give us an extra helping of grace to cover our shared perfectionism. May the Lord continue to bless and keep you and make His face shine upon you. I cannot even begin to tell you how much I appreciate you and have grown spiritually from all your books, lectures, and videos. Please keep them coming, and one of these days when my financial situation turns around...I hope to attend one of your classes in person. You have your Teresa of Avila, and I have you, Caroline Myss, and I thank God for you, and the numerous spiritual insights and Light you have shed into my interior Castle! Thank you, Thank You, THANK YOU...for being YOU, and heeding the call, and purpose God put upon your life and soul. Pamela J Breunig
Thank you Caroline -- all very familiar -- I was married to the person you are describing and it was only when I finally became very ill that I began to realize what was happening and decided to begin to live differently. Not surprisingly, putting an end to the free supply eventually brought the relationship to an end -- we were in the process of divorcing when he died of leukemia which is, archetypally appropriate, cancer of the blood. To your point about the vampire pairing with the saboteur, in a profound moment of realization I saw that I had (unconsciously) aligned myself with someone who would literally prevent me from living my own life. Living that life ever since (and thank you for your lifetime of wisdom in that process) ❤
Oh man, you just cannot help a person who doesn't want to be helped. I married one, or should I rather say that he is increasingly becoming this way as we are getting older. It is exhausting.
Decades ago, I wished I was dead. I lay in bed begging God to just let my heart stop. Sobbing and wailing. Suddenly, I heard an external voice say, "Everything will be all right." That moment, a feeling of calm rushed through me and I felt a sort of lightness. I believed everything was going to be all right and you know what? I've lived a charmed life since that day. I LOVE life.
It helped. I recognized a pattern this week. It was a gift of grace. I'm currently listening and practicing Mel Robbins The 5 second rule. . Thank you God 🙏 Thank you Caroline Myss! You have inspired me for years
I’ve stopped giving people advice unless they specifically ask me. I just let people talk and try to see what they are saying from their perspective and then usually I can see a point they may have and then I can actually agree with them. That already usually makes them feel better because they are confirmed in their own head and the conversation often moves on. If it doesn’t move on, and starts wearing me down, I’ll go to plan B.
Yes, vampiric people do take your energy by touching. I find there are people when they touch me, I feel so disturbed and icky. I have two family members like this who have made my life so difficult and they do want to live through you and take credit for everything that is good. Even by creating false stories that are their truths…. Thank you for your teaching.
I relate. From a sibling to another relationship I ended 5 years ago. I was seeped in shadow rescuer. As I attempted to discuss it to end that cycle I began to receive meanness. Now I am home a lot more with hands and feet in the expanding gardens. So big I hope to produce enough food to share at the food pantry.
I know of 3 really kind, loving people who died after years of being married to the most dysfunctional pessimists I've known. The sort of person people avoided. I always wondered if their spirit was just exhausted after years of being dragged down and being so kind, they shunned divorce and thought (unconsciously) that dying would be the kindest thing to do.
This is my brother. I get off the phone from him exhausted. I feel bad, but I avoid talking to him. Nothing ever, ever changes, and he has so many excuses.
This is so helpful to listen to. I recognise this pattern in my MOL and twin. I notice how I have been changing over the years, to not engage in the dynamic of wanting to rescue and save. It drained both my partner and myself too. We’ve also both inherited some pessimistic traits, but I’m walking my own path now. So helpful to hear about the sapped energy. I struggle with this too.
Yes, I had a dream a few hours ago about a person who I was involved with and this person was very nice to me and seemed very loving. Because of what happened between myself and this person in the past, I had a negative attitude toward this person. I am now very sorry about what went on between us and I send this person positive energy. I apologize to this person. Thank you Caroline!
I have CPTSD, I have inherited Saboteur from narcisistic parents, you can shift the moment you realize the vampyre implaneted is not you, but the parents conditioning. Finding you.
Thanks. Helps to understand how I need to pull out instead of trying to find what else would work for them, instead of doing it myself, or feeling like I failed due to their choices. I thought I was getting really sleepy because of the food I ate, or that I didn't take enough breaks. I understand I need to check who's around me, and have I given my energy away.
It would be amazing if people would become more archetypally aware in such a way that whenever they are engaging in a particular one that's detrimental to both of us, we could call them out in the moment without creating a sense of identification. Like "Uuu, here comes the vampire" and we would just snap out of it! Same thing to shadow aspects to be obserrved and light aspects to be celebrated!
Yes! This is my mom. A 12-step friend asked me, “Are you her narcissist supply?” I saw that pattern, set boundaries and she turned on me. It’s been awful for years. Now her favorite son is her supply. Energetic vampire, indeed.
u made me laugh in so many moments cause I can relates self compassion have been a concept I live upon now I can take this to a deeper understanding of re-energize myself and balance myself kind voice is what I try to listen to within my head to connect to graceful energy
It sat across the table this week 5.24 and heard the rant and problems for 2 hours and I'm still feeling my resentment. There were hints of this behavior previously, but this time I was pissed. From my perspective, the lack of awareness from this educated Social Worker is beyond me. I had zero intention of hvg an social gathering w this extreme self centered ness. BTW she was not looking for help or solution. Her shit details the kids, parents and more. I tried to pop in to take us into a pleasant conversation, but it was not gonna happen. She never asked one question which gives me my clue to this vampire / pessimistic personality type. BTW beautiful, kids, travel, money, etc. I'm sooo done. Ty
Yes I recognize even within myself since about a few years ago and still learning NOT to fill in menings and words for others 👍😂💪🏼 I have been a pessimist of the world 😂 And now I sat my bounderies to myself and others for doing so 🙏❤️ Still learning 💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼🌟✨☀️👍❤️🙏 Much Love from Sweden and we are doing this together so beautiful lesson Caroline as allways 😂🌟✨☀️❤️🙏❤️🙏
I have an important question. Is it a common belief that we chose our family before we come to earth? Where does this come from? I had a friend tell me that no one believes that, but I feel like I hear it a lot. She said I’m in an echo chamber. Can you help? It’s not really something g google can help me with!
Don't know if it is common, but the older I get, the more I look at my birth chart, and the more I learn about archetypes, it seems the only logical conclusion. I resisted at first - surely there must be some mistake here! - but now it seems clear, in both a funny and ironic way, that this was literally a soul group agreement.
I have had almost similar experience not too long ago. What I learned through this difficult lesson is that not everyone is willing to be better, even if you think change is good for them. It’s difficult because you care and you love and you want to make it better for them. I also realized there is a difference between complaining (staying weak) and asking for help. So when they complaint, it’s easy to desire to try and make it better for them. So there is inevitably tension, you wanting better for them, and them resisting improvement. This is draining. I decided that the best way forward for all is for me to remove my desire to help and to allow them the space to be wherever they choose to be (even if it’s to their detriment). It’s not easy because we love and care and it hurts to see them suffering. But we must understand that if someone, even a close and loved one, is at level 1 or 2 and not ready to yet to move up, you CANNOT pull them just because you know it’s better and they will be ok. It will suck the energy out of you because this journey is meant to lighten, not burdened. It’s a lesson of letting go and surrender. Yes honoring choice, not just for us but for them too. To give them the time and space to evolve, not because we want it. It is very very hard. This is the nature of love. It can empower you but it can equally weaken you. Just my take on the situation based on my own experience. 😊
I agree. You worded that very well. Thank you.
Thank you very beautifully expressed. I adjusted thinking about the other and felt into the pessimist in me that can be so strong and
the voice of encouragement and helpful advice is not always as strong, the willingness to act in one’s best interest. I feel that coming to a place of wanting to help others in any way has helps me to start to feel a sense of love and gratitude for all we are going though on this planet.
My husband revealed to be a pessimist vampyre (a victim-narcisist-teenager), after covid he became totally draining and now I am sick, I really struggle getting my energy back, although I do a lot of meditation and prayers and exercises, I need to find a way to remove myself from this person. I tried once and failed, then I now recognize the power of my inner Saboteur and pattern. I am stopping giving chances and listening to this selfish man. The same happened with my parents, from whom it took me half of my life to get away and still influence my inner Sabouteur voice. I am working on changing myself, regain my self-esteem, power and self-love and detaching emotionally, I hope to be ready and strong enough to physically move away too. I realize that even if I used to love my husband, he is making me miserable, sick and not living the life I want. Thank you, Caroline for this video. God bless you.
So useful - I have become wary of the phrase "that's just the way I am" - a useful signal that the person believes in a kind of 'stuckness' that is insurmountable.
What you are speaking about with the hugging draining you, is something I experienced during my internship in massage school. I got to the point where even my teachers were telling me that I looked like a zombie and I was crying every day when I left. I even put up different bubbles of energetic protection, but it didn't solve it. I have since also become picky about who I hug and when. I also recently learned that we release cortisol through our skin and it can get on to the people around us. I had also recently experienced something going through the air conditioner vents from my previous roommate and affecting both her daughter and I. It wasn't until the next day that I had found out what was going on, I just knew something was veryyyy off and that it wasn't my energy. I find it very interesting and always get excited when I can find new areas to put up boundaries. Thank you for all of your videos! I love your analogy of the high rise building and going up floors. You make me uncomfortable in areas that I am excited to heal and grow in. 💕
Excellent perspective, thank you I realize that I was raised by an anxious mother who believe the "other shoe is about to drop" and that overly cautious, nervous nature was toxic. I have seen it during my adult life within and have to battle the "small voice in my head" that living with abudance, joy, and liveliness is not possible. Your teaches help me debunk this limiting belief and turn towards the light.
I was a pessimist and it has been hard to change. I am so much better. But I believe it grew from the way I was raised by pessimistic parents. Older abusive parents. You just see no light in your life.
I became aware of energy exchanges/depletion etc. when I was a teenager. Fine tune things as I grow. I ALWAYS self assess before interactions ... if I am in a state where I don't want to even be with myself I don't interact with others. I LOVE when conversations, creativity, problem solving just flow and nourish everybody involved. Great info ... thank you!
What you said about hugging blew my mind. You said exactly what I could never put into words. My goodness.
I absolutely love it when you share personal details of your life, and I was laughing and relating to your comment, "I do not make mistakes in my kitchen." May God give us an extra helping of grace to cover our shared perfectionism. May the Lord continue to bless and keep you and make His face shine upon you. I cannot even begin to tell you how much I appreciate you and have grown spiritually from all your books, lectures, and videos. Please keep them coming, and one of these days when my financial situation turns around...I hope to attend one of your classes in person. You have your Teresa of Avila, and I have you, Caroline Myss, and I thank God for you, and the numerous spiritual insights and Light you have shed into my interior Castle! Thank you, Thank You, THANK YOU...for being YOU, and heeding the call, and purpose God put upon your life and soul. Pamela J Breunig
Thank you Caroline -- all very familiar -- I was married to the person you are describing and it was only when I finally became very ill that I began to realize what was happening and decided to begin to live differently. Not surprisingly, putting an end to the free supply eventually brought the relationship to an end -- we were in the process of divorcing when he died of leukemia which is, archetypally appropriate, cancer of the blood. To your point about the vampire pairing with the saboteur, in a profound moment of realization I saw that I had (unconsciously) aligned myself with someone who would literally prevent me from living my own life. Living that life ever since (and thank you for your lifetime of wisdom in that process) ❤
Oh man, you just cannot help a person who doesn't want to be helped. I married one, or should I rather say that he is increasingly becoming this way as we are getting older. It is exhausting.
Decades ago, I wished I was dead. I lay in bed begging God to just let my heart stop. Sobbing and wailing. Suddenly, I heard an external voice say, "Everything will be all right." That moment, a feeling of calm rushed through me and I felt a sort of lightness. I believed everything was going to be all right and you know what? I've lived a charmed life since that day. I LOVE life.
Very interesting. Pessimist sounds like dismissive attachment style. They dismiss everything!
It helped. I recognized a pattern this week. It was a gift of grace. I'm currently listening and practicing Mel Robbins The 5 second rule. .
Thank you God 🙏
Thank you Caroline Myss!
You have inspired me for years
I’ve stopped giving people advice unless they specifically ask me. I just let people talk and try to see what they are saying from their perspective and then usually I can see a point they may have and then I can actually agree with them. That already usually makes them feel better because they are confirmed in their own head and the conversation often moves on. If it doesn’t move on, and starts wearing me down, I’ll go to plan B.
Yes, vampiric people do take your energy by touching. I find there are people when they touch me, I feel so disturbed and icky. I have two family members like this who have made my life so difficult and they do want to live through you and take credit for everything that is good. Even by creating false stories that are their truths…. Thank you for your teaching.
A perfect teacher to follow..❤
I relate. From a sibling to another relationship I ended 5 years ago. I was seeped in shadow rescuer. As I attempted to discuss it to end that cycle I began to receive meanness.
Now I am home a lot more with hands and feet in the expanding gardens. So big I hope to produce enough food to share at the food pantry.
Thank you Caroline
Thank you so much! I so needed this today. So much appreciated you. ❤
I know of 3 really kind, loving people who died after years of being married to the most dysfunctional pessimists I've known. The sort of person people avoided. I always wondered if their spirit was just exhausted after years of being dragged down and being so kind, they shunned divorce and thought (unconsciously) that dying would be the kindest thing to do.
Heres to the power of love in truth.
Great mantra Caroline, blessings to all us beings
"Psychic black hole" what an interesting and accurate definition. Thank you madame Myss. This content is really priceless🎉. Blessings
This is my brother. I get off the phone from him exhausted. I feel bad, but I avoid talking to him. Nothing ever, ever changes, and he has so many excuses.
Wow, this is GREAT!! BIG THANK YOU for ALL YOU DO!!! 🙌👍👏💞🙏
This is so helpful to listen to. I recognise this pattern in my MOL and twin. I notice how I have been changing over the years, to not engage in the dynamic of wanting to rescue and save. It drained both my partner and myself too. We’ve also both inherited some pessimistic traits, but I’m walking my own path now. So helpful to hear about the sapped energy. I struggle with this too.
Yes, I had a dream a few hours ago about a person who I was involved with and this person was very nice to me and seemed very loving. Because of what happened between myself and this person in the past, I had a negative attitude toward this person. I am now very sorry about what went on between us and I send this person positive energy. I apologize to this person. Thank you Caroline!
I behave like a vampire pessimist, 100%. You’re talking about people with a dysregulated nervous system here. 😮 CTPSD!
I have CPTSD, I have inherited Saboteur from narcisistic parents, you can shift the moment you realize the vampyre implaneted is not you, but the parents conditioning. Finding you.
OMG🎯 ❤❤❤❤❤ thanks so much Caroline I'll spare you all the details❤ but you nailed it❤ again❤
Thanks. Helps to understand how I need to pull out instead of trying to find what else would work for them, instead of doing it myself, or feeling like I failed due to their choices.
I thought I was getting really sleepy because of the food I ate, or that I didn't take enough breaks. I understand I need to check who's around me, and have I given my energy away.
Caroline, what magic is it that allows you to know all these people in my life? Its magic!
That was fabulously helpful. Thank you
Incredibly insightful, thank you Caroline you are amazing❤
I like this very well put Caroline 😊
It would be amazing if people would become more archetypally aware in such a way that whenever they are engaging in a particular one that's detrimental to both of us, we could call them out in the moment without creating a sense of identification. Like "Uuu, here comes the vampire" and we would just snap out of it! Same thing to shadow aspects to be obserrved and light aspects to be celebrated!
❤ what you're saying.
You have helped me tremendously. Thank you .
Have you watched the tv series "What We Do in the Shadows"?
sounds just like a covert narcissist.
Yes! This is my mom. A 12-step friend asked me, “Are you her narcissist supply?” I saw that pattern, set boundaries and she turned on me. It’s been awful for years. Now her favorite son is her supply. Energetic vampire, indeed.
u made me laugh in so many moments cause I can relates
self compassion have been a concept I live upon now I can take this to a deeper understanding of re-energize myself and balance myself
kind voice is what I try to listen to within my head to connect to graceful energy
It sat across the table this week 5.24 and heard the rant and problems for 2 hours and I'm still feeling my resentment. There were hints of this behavior previously, but this time I was pissed. From my perspective, the lack of awareness from this educated Social Worker is beyond me.
I had zero intention of hvg an social gathering w this extreme self centered ness. BTW she was not looking for help or solution. Her shit details the kids, parents and more.
I tried to pop in to take us into a pleasant conversation, but it was not gonna happen.
She never asked one question which gives me my clue to this vampire / pessimistic personality type.
BTW beautiful, kids, travel, money, etc.
I'm sooo done. Ty
Yes I recognize even within myself since about a few years ago and still learning NOT to fill in menings and words for others 👍😂💪🏼
I have been a pessimist of the world 😂
And now I sat my bounderies to myself and others for doing so 🙏❤️
Still learning 💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼🌟✨☀️👍❤️🙏
Much Love from Sweden and we are doing this together so beautiful lesson Caroline as allways 😂🌟✨☀️❤️🙏❤️🙏
I have an important question. Is it a common belief that we chose our family before we come to earth? Where does this come from? I had a friend tell me that no one believes that, but I feel like I hear it a lot. She said I’m in an echo chamber. Can you help? It’s not really something g google can help me with!
Don't know if it is common, but the older I get, the more I look at my birth chart, and the more I learn about archetypes, it seems the only logical conclusion. I resisted at first - surely there must be some mistake here! - but now it seems clear, in both a funny and ironic way, that this was literally a soul group agreement.
Isn't the pessimist an energy vampire? I bet we are getting in this direction?
This week it seems that a lot of people (that I know haha) was very sleepy and psychicly tired... something happened
Experienced it this week, along with a few friends. Exhausted, yucky, depressed, wanting to be left alone - just a few of the words bouncing around.
better🌸
Thank you sooo much for this insightful guidance 😇😇😇-Xclusyph Icon
Pessimists are like vampires in mythology? Really?😐