I pre ordered the hardcover within 10 minutes of your email, can't wait to get it in my hands in October!!!! Soooooo proud of you, and to be following you Anna!!!! And thank you for helping me save myself!!!!💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
I wouldn't presume to offer anyone any advice, but for anyone interested, this is what helps me: - Clean your house and get rid of clutter. - Eat healthy meals, stop alcohol, limit sugar to a total minimum. - Get some light exercise, walk, some sunshine, and get enough sleep. - Do a budget and make a start on getting rid of as much debt if you can. - Make lists of things you need to do - especially anything niggling on you mind - put everything on a list and get it done. - Don't gossip or badmouth others. - Become highly competent at something you love (a new skill, a hobby, a learn a language, anything you love) - Be confident, even if you need to pretend, and don't overly worry what people think.
Thank you Take home points for me are budgeting and confidence 👌 I was already doing others. But everytime I tried a hobby or work, I felt like an imposter and quit soon. I guess pretence is okay if it leads to confidence, which will overtime lead to competence, I hope so.
These are fabulous, and to-the-point, common-sense suggestions. At age 65, I'm subconsciously trying to kill myself. I do EVERYTHING wrong. I feel as if I need a gigantic PUSH to get going before it's too late. I wrote every, single one of these down. This was definitely meant for me to see today. THANK YOU SO MUCH, AND BLESS YOU 💕😊!!!
@@monikagin I was recently given advice by a successful artist to learn to love imposter syndrome. Fake it till you make it, in other words. Everyone feels it, even very talented people!!
These are things I am currently working on. Mixed results so far but surely it'll get me somewhere in the end. Clutter is the hard one for some reason! It's driving me mad.
@@echase416 exactly. CCF says that once you carry that into your adulthood it becomes maladaptive. its no longer serving anyone carrying it as a template in their romantic relationships
Ugh. 🤦♀️ I now realize that all my life I've been the ULTIMATE crapfitter and cool girl. I never would have learned this knowledge without this amazing woman, counselor, mentor, the one and only amazing Anna the Crappy Childhood Fairy. I'm so mad at myself because I wasted all my best years, my prime, on all these worthless men. I'm now 51, no children, and feel like being alone is my plight. I have totally shut down and dissociated the past two years. I hate being alone because I have so much to give, but the thought of being close with a man ever again makes my skin crawl. Way too much damage and I'm too tired at this point to care to fix it.
@@christinelamb1167 I'm so sorry for your circumstances, sister. But I do feel some comfort knowing that I'm not as alone as I feel in this whole thing because of your reply. Sending you a big hug 🤗😘🌻💚
We still have ourselves. We still have this beautiful world to witness if we try. We never know what could grow out of our passions, gifts, and life goals.
I’m sure you have lots to give. I too am 51, spent 29 years doing said crapfitting and had seven kids. But I’m looking forward with what I can share with the world. Do the healing work, get settled in yourself, being comfortable with yourself, then the right kind of guy will find you. I’m praying for and working on that myself.
He knows what he is doing. As an addict he knows she is addicted to his intermittent reinforcement. It is sadistic how he uses her, breadcrumbs her and still tells her he doesn't want her.Major cognitive dissonance. Leave him,he will not hurt himself,his behaviour is narcissistic.
That’s my only issue with Anna saying the girls behavior making her unlovable because the person doesn’t have to “fight” for you. I don’t think this guy would magically become a loving partner for the right person. He also has a long history of failed relationships. This story hit close to home for me so maybe it’s wishful thinking but whenever I hear that it’s a girls fault for not respecting herself it really hits that “you weren’t good enough” core wound.
This was me until the age of 58. 35 years of struggling to find a relationship with someone where I felt accepted so that I could relax and trust. When I emotionally separated from my second ex and let go of the idea of being with a man, I did a complete 180. The idea of having to worry about what a man thinks of me, needs from me, demands of me or does to me is anathema. Relationship seems like slavery to me now, and I would rather be alone than beholden or responsible to another person.
@@ushere5791 Indeed! I wouldn't trade a few bouts of loneliness, for all that drama of long ago! I can take that lonely little child to the garden, where she was only able to plant a couple of tomatoes, and sit with her. We watch them grow, and thank the heavens above that we finally found the peace, in just being still! At least, that's how it works for me. (And maybe a few others, whom I am blessed to know!) Much joy to you, Friend!✌️
Know that, I began to talk very fast to take less time.... I was told my sentense where to long.... It's you talking again ? Even here I have the feeling I need to make it short, but don't last.... I see my cptsd in action now, wow what a change...
SADDEST SONG EVER : “I can’t make you love me if you don’t. I can’t make your heart feel something it won’t. But here in the dark, In the final hours, I will lay down my heart And I’ll feel the power, But you won’t, no you won’t Cause I can’t make you love me If you don’t.” (Bonnie Raitt)
"Only date people who are excited to date you." That's LITERALLY never happened to me. I can't get ANY romantic attraction from ANYONE I actually value without chasing. I have to lower my standards sooooooo far down to find someone who is excited to date me. 😂
Don't lower your standards or that's all you'll get. I got so tired of people telling me to do that!! I used to say, if I lower them anymore I might as well wait outside the jail when they release people. 😳🤦♀️😡 Focus on you, and finding what makes you happy, without a partner. If you're out doing fun stuff, meaningful stuff, maybe you can meet someone then, but don't have that as the goal.
@@sophirichmanfletcher4657 amen!! my parents used to tell me to lower my standards. i ended up nearly killing myself (i was on the verge of getting cancer) from an abusive-neglectful 14 yr marriage to someone who wasn't even honest with me re who they were when we got married...then i rebounded into a (thankfully) short marriage with a narcissist because i was so starved for interaction. lowering our standards any further we might as well hang out in the morgue! ;D (i never said i didn't have a sicko sense of humor!) i've been free for the past 10 years, living alone, taking care of what's important to me, having my own permanent home for the first time in my life, and having a really great life with no romantic partner since the second ex. a friend tried to tell me that someone was interested in me, so i opened the door to the possibility of relationship...but since it turns out that my friend was wrong and the person isn't interested, i'm on the verge of closing it again...and i'm considering nailing it shut for good this time because why mess with a good thing?
Wow, this person's childhood was SO MUCH like mine (complete with a violent brother whom I had to forgive over and over, mentally ill mom who either loved on me or exploded, and a trucker dad who showed up rarely). And I have had "love" relationships just as messed up, too. I feel bad for my younger self, she was desperate to be loved and only knew how to look for it in the worst possible people, because they felt like family.
@@roseysimpson2992 exactly. my first ex reminded me of my abusive-neglectful parents; my second ex reminded me of my narcissistic sibling. been single and happy ever since that second divorce!
Shoutout to those who were born and brought into the world without any purpose. Unfortunately a lot of parents have kids for welfare checks and no purpose to even care for them. Definitely hurts.
It's not just for welfare checks, sometimes they want a picket fence dream without having to do the work, but yeah, shoutout to the realist of real ones 💪
I dunno why they had me, maybe I was an accident, but my brother was born "so I had someone to play with". Sad we never had a good relationship. He was 5 years younger and I could never relate to him.
@@G-host0069 Oh, how very sad. Think of the children that didn't make it to live their life. These are selfish people who are mentally children themselves. What a sick world we live in.
Thank you Anna. It was uncomfortable hearing my own behavior echoed in this woman’s story. Just different players. It’s easy to crapfit any relationship - family member, child, friend, partner. But your genuine concern and clear “that’s not okay” as you advise her is a wake up call. I’ll be listening to this one again.
We've all been there - looking for some guy to rescue us. Joining a 12-Step group and getting into regular serious therapy has helped me change myself, and my life. Not perfect but at least I can see the pattern now.
I'm a 28 yo man and I can relate to some of her struggles. Having grown in an problem-ridden household, and being exposed to too many stressful/traumatic events I spent most of my early teens shifting my focus to getting a girlfriend. Never heard a word about taking therapy or guidance to prioritize mental health over relationships. At this age I did most of the work, but it is a struggle to make others grasp why I was single for so long. As I'm not financially stable yet it is pretty hard to attract a prospective girlfriend to be with you, despite being alright all in all (as described by my own circle), fit, having enough fun hobbies and interests.
Yes. It's unfortunately a biased situation. We have to save ourselves first, then we can invite others to join.. such a messed up situation, lol. I feel you, man.
I know this person because it was me. And my heart and soul goes out to this person. So desperately needing that love to be reciprocated from someone who can't and never will. Oh how I wish I had a Crappy Childhood Fairy of my own way back when! It took a very long time but I'm not desperate and needy anymore. And I'm never alone because I've always got me.
I often have to "pause & process" during these types of videos. Today's pause-worthy word for me is INDIFFERENCE. My unready birthmother was indifferent to my existence. My alcoholic/abusive adoptive parents were often indifferent (to any emotional needs). My adoptive and biological siblings are all indifferent to my very existence. And like the letter writer and many commenters I often 'chose' unavailable / indifferent quasi-potential 'partners'. Too late now to have my own family (beyond those with fur) but glad this type of content is available freely to others now. Just working on getting out of survival mode and trying to exist, never mind thrive (which seems far too unlikely now, though not impossible).
Hey from a fellow adoptee. When i finally stood up and realized I deserve better, stepped away from the toxic people in my life because I could see that not only did they not have their own act together, they didn't generally give me healthy advice either, and just started traveling a new path, I feel like my whole situation changed. I trusted God to take me down a better road, to help me form healthier relationships, mostly with older women who serve as surrogate moms and have provided a lot of healing. I volunteer twice a month with a homeless ministry and that's a great way to stay humble, serve others, and make some new friends. I work to educate people on the pitfalls/trauma related to adoption in my spare time. 💪😉👊💞🙏
Two years ago I fell in “ love “ with a guy 30 years younger than myself. I came to find out he is a drug addict, he’s has an avoidant attachment style and is a very unhealthy person in every way. This channel helped me get through that horrible time .
I don't get falling in love with someone so much younger. You should question your own health. This goes for men & women. Just my opinion. Hope you can find someone more compatible.
I dated a guy 5 months ago who, the first time we hung out, told me he attempted to hang himself to get his exes attention. That she found him returning to consciousness on the floor because the ceiling fan broke or something, and that he asked “why wouldn’t you save me?” Repeatedly. He didn’t say this and go “that was horrible of me, I’ve grown from that experience, I was in a fucked up place”. No he was just sharing that story. Like this writer, I found it endearing that he would share such an ugly and horrific part of his past with me. Smh. He ended up to be insanely jealous and controlling and emotionally unstable, we only lasted 2 months.
I had a colleague share the same experience with me. I guess he wanted to be heard. I understood him as I've been in similar emotions but he's too traumatised to be around. I keep my boundary with him.
While she may not have been responsible for how her parents turned out- I know exactly how she feels. It's a feeling of responsibility and guilt. The loser dude thing- unfortunately, know this feeling as well. I did kick the loser to the curb after too many years. I never looked back and have decided alone is a very fulfilling place to be.
The title of this clip hit me deep as I was neglected as a child, unknowingly got 'caught' by a narc husband and now struggling to define myself, to be authentic. As someone who experienced neglect in my parents' house, it is hard to realise the impact, how it affects me and what I am missing. Because neglect is 'not loud'. Thanks for the video, Anna ❤.
OP don't be a hospice care kid and you don't have to be parentified because of your brother. Go no contact with anyone angry or violent. You are NOT his parent.
oh, this dear lady! she's going to be ok, but ugh what a hard road for her to get to ok!! it's so difficult to overcome the temptation to devalue ourselves.... there's someone i have a thing for, and i've been doing a lot of volunteer work for them. someone i love (!!) has been telling me for a long time that the person is into me, and i held out hope for a long time, but i finally had to admit to myself that i see no evidence of it! so, after months of hard volunteer work, it finally started to affect my health. so i came up with an exit strategy. and i will pull the trigger on it on my own terms so that i can leave the rest of the team in good shape without causing myself any further mental, physical, or emotional harm.
God this is rough listening to her story. I have a really dysfunctional family, fucked off to another country cause i thought i found love. Like her, I felt like if i could just find the right person everything else would fall into place. I realize it isnt how it works, but you desperately just want to be loved. 😞
Extremely helpful. Some major points resonated, I will be watching this again. Thank you crappy childhood fairy, sound advice. To the writer, know that you are not alone in ending up in situations like this.
my mom took her anger out on me my whole life because she’s chased men around and i want to go no contact when i move out. my mom is one of those people that think a man is everything and she tells me i can’t wear shorts in my own house and throws in my face that it’s her house and i can’t do that around her husband
Anna, me and my family are going through a huge trauma right now: our home state, Rio Grande do Sul, in Brazil, has had huge unprecedented rains and floods, leaving over 2 million affected and 100 thousand homeless. There are still 46 cities in state of public calamity. The rain washed everything away, covered the cities, killed people and animals, a current so strong it took brick houses, bridges and roads away. It was so fast people could save nothing, many not even their pets, their family... A month for the water to go down. People trapped in contaminated water, no food, no clean water, no energy... All we want to do is cry, for help and of despair... Our people are broken 💔 How do we go from here? How do we heal from it? 😢 Things are so traumatic right now... A war scenario. And it will keep raining, climate change is not a joke. It will happen again and again. How can we survive the next 50 years while keeping sanity? Thank you for your beautiful work ❤
@@martyvirtue4051I agree. Doesn't make it any less devastating to those who are it's victims, right? (Lahaina, Maui, HI and many more.) I am so sorry for all the lives lost, destroyed, and devastated. 💔
When you’re raised by immature bullying narcissistic parents with a golden sibling & non stop told what a disappointment you are in every way possible. Behind your back bad mouthed to all the relatives. But don’t understand why they aren’t kind to you. And you know stuff is wrong but don’t trust yourself. Then someone shows interest. Flatters you. Wants you. You don’t see or trust the red flags. Or make excuses for them. Until it’s undeniable. And a parent, that doesn’t know the details, says, “what did you do? Who’d want you anyway” Because there was repetition from your mother about just as easy to marry rich as poor. And college is for getting a husband. And you need a man to take care of you. You fall for it again. Charm, flattery & b. s. And just wanting to be loved. And stay to long, again until it’s undeniable. And you do it again. And you think this guy is kind. But he’s really not. And each time you pick yourself up from bottom or below and carry on. There is child from the first marriage that is my main thought & responsibility. Way way more than to myself. And I’m still getting negative toxicity from parents. Opposite of support. Making it harder. I’ve gone to counseling throughout. Not gotten any real help. Was put on Prozac. Not helpful. Then I took an eye opening class from a psychologist called “how to get along with anyone”. Asked if she’d take me on as private client. She did. A few weeks in she asked to run some questions by me. Quite a few. Said I had a very strong case of c-ptsd. Changed my life. I had a path. I’m 70 now. Still learning. Son is grown. We don’t have a close bond. Breaks my heart. But I understand. Still regret not finding the love of my life instead of user/ abusers. I’m financially poor but my independence & freedom are gold. I understand that I’m a sensitive, empath , INFP with c-ptsd. And a frickin Pisces🙀 Knowing all that I wish I had a heart connection to a person. I’m always checking new male friends as potentials. And I chap myself for doing it. Even though I can’t imagine being in a relationship. I’m a narcissist magnet with trust issues. Including trusting myself.
It never ceases to amaze me, how nearly identical these experiences have been, for so many of us. Living with narc/abuse, you feel so isolated and alone; and you can't make sense of it to even talk about with ppl, because you think it's you. (And there never seems to be a shortage of folks to tell you exactly what's wrong with you, given half a chance! lol) Then you find out that a whole lotta ppl went through the SAME thing? 😱 Yeah, I don't trust myself much, either, but at least we know we're not... any of that stuff they said we were! ✌️
Doesn't matter if you 70 at 70 you could find someone to love 😊 I'm also a pisces, infj I think, I'm very sensitive but I've grown to hide it pretty well, I grew up with an alcoholic father and emotionally unstable mother. 3 other siblings. My father was always out or at work I missed him and felt he didn't like me. At times he showed me love but at other times he would hit me. I grew up with a void inside me but didn't realise it was beacuse of my father. I drank alcohol as a young adult and tried drugs. I had a boyfriend at 15 I always went out with. I guess it was so escape being at home. And I subconsciously needed a man to rescue me and fill the void. I attracted bullies and narcissistic men. I've been on a path of healing for at least 2 years now. I knew I was leaving him a long time ago I just needed the strength, I was in therapy and realozong he was a narc abuser. I thought I'd marry this man have his kids but I started to observe him and what I saw I didn't like and I knew I had to get out. I suffered with my mental and physical health I still am. But I have peace now and I'm not inside it I a getting flashbacks and memories of things he said and done. I will never go back to him. And I'm 31 starting life again. I'm realizing now what healthy love is and what is not healthy. At 31😂 in working on my bounderies everyone needs them.
This story is kind of my life I was in 10 year relationship that should have ended many years ago he ghosted me few times throughout the 10 years what I'd like to know was this hin telling me he didnt want to be with me or was the using it as a controlling behaviour Thanks Anna love your channel have learnt so much appreciate all you do
If you'd like to share your story and ask Anna a question, feel free to write an "Ask the Fairy" letter. You can do it from here: bit.ly/CCF_Letters Nika@TeamFairy
The part where he is saying he is pulling away because he doesn't want her to see him in this pain is not normally kindness in theses cases it is manipulation through use of victim role
HOW DO YOU KNOW HOW TO READ MOST MEN? SOME ARE REALLY GOOD AT MAKING YOU FEEL SPECIAL? IN TH 70'S I READ "HOW TO BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND" -- THIS THIN BOOK REALLY HELPED......IT REALLY HLPED
Thank God I do not suffer being lost without a man. I can use some help with Heavy lifting, however, I do not NEED a man. A reciprocal partner would be cool 😎
I had been with unavailable guys in the past, and the latest one really send me backwards. My childhood is full of trauma, abuse and to not let me express my feelings. I'm 50, no kids and don't know what's my purpose in life is still. I wanted a family and a husband that cares about me and gives me the world. But I have been hurt so many times that when I thought he was the right person, he friendzone me. I'm not dating right now. I'm on therapy. (but I wish it could be everyday) I treating him like a friend, but I need to be alone. I'm done with that dream of being in love and all that.
One of your best; I’ve watched it 4 times already, but/I recognized myself-you are a lifesaver! Thank you for all you do; it’s making such a positive difference! ✨🪄✨
I pre ordered the hardcover within 10 minutes of your email, can't wait to get it in my hands in October!!!! Soooooo proud of you, and to be following you Anna!!!! And thank you for helping me save myself!!!!💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
Oh, thank you! It's been so fun finally sharing this with the world!
I wouldn't presume to offer anyone any advice, but for anyone interested, this is what helps me:
- Clean your house and get rid of clutter.
- Eat healthy meals, stop alcohol, limit sugar to a total minimum.
- Get some light exercise, walk, some sunshine, and get enough sleep.
- Do a budget and make a start on getting rid of as much debt if you can.
- Make lists of things you need to do - especially anything niggling on you mind - put everything on a list and get it done.
- Don't gossip or badmouth others.
- Become highly competent at something you love (a new skill, a hobby, a learn a language, anything you love)
- Be confident, even if you need to pretend, and don't overly worry what people think.
Thank you
Take home points for me are budgeting and confidence 👌
I was already doing others.
But everytime I tried a hobby or work, I felt like an imposter and quit soon. I guess pretence is okay if it leads to confidence, which will overtime lead to competence, I hope so.
These are fabulous, and to-the-point, common-sense suggestions. At age 65, I'm subconsciously trying to kill myself. I do EVERYTHING wrong. I feel as if I need a gigantic PUSH to get going before it's too late. I wrote every, single one of these down. This was definitely meant for me to see today. THANK YOU SO MUCH, AND BLESS YOU 💕😊!!!
@@monikagin I was recently given advice by a successful artist to learn to love imposter syndrome. Fake it till you make it, in other words. Everyone feels it, even very talented people!!
These are things I am currently working on. Mixed results so far but surely it'll get me somewhere in the end. Clutter is the hard one for some reason! It's driving me mad.
Thanks for sharing! -Calista@TeamFairy
When a guy tells you who they are. Believe what they say
Truth ❤
Shows* not tell. He told me he was a Christian… turns about he was an abusive porn addict
a threat of self-deletion is still a threat
Or when your family shows you who they are.
Why did you single out men with your comment? As if that doesn’t apply to cheating narcissistic females as well
I love how engaged Anna is when she reads the letters. She really cares about her community.
10:52 when someone pulls away you become desperate to pull them closer which is a trauma response that doesn’t make sense
That's it right there!
But it made sense when they were a child. Trying to reengage a neglectful or unavailable parent. Children need their parents for survival.
@@echase416 exactly. CCF says that once you carry that into your adulthood it becomes maladaptive. its no longer serving anyone carrying it as a template in their romantic relationships
Ugh. 🤦♀️ I now realize that all my life I've been the ULTIMATE crapfitter and cool girl. I never would have learned this knowledge without this amazing woman, counselor, mentor, the one and only amazing Anna the Crappy Childhood Fairy. I'm so mad at myself because I wasted all my best years, my prime, on all these worthless men. I'm now 51, no children, and feel like being alone is my plight. I have totally shut down and dissociated the past two years. I hate being alone because I have so much to give, but the thought of being close with a man ever again makes my skin crawl. Way too much damage and I'm too tired at this point to care to fix it.
Wow, my feelings exactly! And I'm 60 (also no children).
@@christinelamb1167 I'm so sorry for your circumstances, sister. But I do feel some comfort knowing that I'm not as alone as I feel in this whole thing because of your reply. Sending you a big hug 🤗😘🌻💚
We still have ourselves. We still have this beautiful world to witness if we try. We never know what could grow out of our passions, gifts, and life goals.
@@sabrinelan Thank you, sister. That was beautiful and gives me a glimmer of hope..🤗😘🌻💚
I’m sure you have lots to give. I too am 51, spent 29 years doing said crapfitting and had seven kids. But I’m looking forward with what I can share with the world. Do the healing work, get settled in yourself, being comfortable with yourself, then the right kind of guy will find you. I’m praying for and working on that myself.
He knows what he is doing. As an addict he knows she is addicted to his intermittent reinforcement. It is sadistic how he uses her, breadcrumbs her and still tells her he doesn't want her.Major cognitive dissonance. Leave him,he will not hurt himself,his behaviour is narcissistic.
That’s my only issue with Anna saying the girls behavior making her unlovable because the person doesn’t have to “fight” for you. I don’t think this guy would magically become a loving partner for the right person. He also has a long history of failed relationships.
This story hit close to home for me so maybe it’s wishful thinking but whenever I hear that it’s a girls fault for not respecting herself it really hits that “you weren’t good enough” core wound.
This was me until the age of 58. 35 years of struggling to find a relationship with someone where I felt accepted so that I could relax and trust. When I emotionally separated from my second ex and let go of the idea of being with a man, I did a complete 180. The idea of having to worry about what a man thinks of me, needs from me, demands of me or does to me is anathema. Relationship seems like slavery to me now, and I would rather be alone than beholden or responsible to another person.
I said something very similar on this channel a short time ago.
there is a great deal of joy and satisfaction in living our own lives in our own ways by our own rules on our own terms. it's exhilarating!
@@ushere5791 Indeed! I wouldn't trade a few bouts of loneliness, for all that drama of long ago! I can take that lonely little child to the garden, where she was only able to plant a couple of tomatoes, and sit with her. We watch them grow, and thank the heavens above that we finally found the peace, in just being still! At least, that's how it works for me. (And maybe a few others, whom I am blessed to know!) Much joy to you, Friend!✌️
Growing up I thought my name was either "too" or "shut up".. I was either "too" loud, hyper, emotional, dramatic, needy...OR just "shut up"!
Know that, I began to talk very fast to take less time.... I was told my sentense where to long.... It's you talking again ?
Even here I have the feeling I need to make it short, but don't last.... I see my cptsd in action now, wow what a change...
Me too!!! Always too much. Have been trying to reprogram myself for what seems my entire life
@@marystellarosetarot5700 worst part? I keep people pleasing people I shouldn't want validation from! @#$!
Folk outside the family would tell me I was shy. Inside the family - bossy, stroppy and loud! 🤷♀️
@@5150Targeted being around them can be a trigger that makes us relapse... I can relate
SADDEST SONG EVER :
“I can’t make you love me if you don’t.
I can’t make your heart feel something it won’t.
But here in the dark,
In the final hours,
I will lay down my heart
And I’ll feel the power,
But you won’t, no you won’t
Cause I can’t make you love me
If you don’t.” (Bonnie Raitt)
This song is so painful to listen to
I remember when it played constantly on the radio. For me, ( long before Bonnie), it was "Little Girl Blue", by Janis Joplin.
"Only date people who are excited to date you." That's LITERALLY never happened to me. I can't get ANY romantic attraction from ANYONE I actually value without chasing. I have to lower my standards sooooooo far down to find someone who is excited to date me. 😂
Don't lower your standards or that's all you'll get. I got so tired of people telling me to do that!! I used to say, if I lower them anymore I might as well wait outside the jail when they release people. 😳🤦♀️😡 Focus on you, and finding what makes you happy, without a partner. If you're out doing fun stuff, meaningful stuff, maybe you can meet someone then, but don't have that as the goal.
@@sophirichmanfletcher4657 amen!! my parents used to tell me to lower my standards. i ended up nearly killing myself (i was on the verge of getting cancer) from an abusive-neglectful 14 yr marriage to someone who wasn't even honest with me re who they were when we got married...then i rebounded into a (thankfully) short marriage with a narcissist because i was so starved for interaction. lowering our standards any further we might as well hang out in the morgue! ;D (i never said i didn't have a sicko sense of humor!) i've been free for the past 10 years, living alone, taking care of what's important to me, having my own permanent home for the first time in my life, and having a really great life with no romantic partner since the second ex. a friend tried to tell me that someone was interested in me, so i opened the door to the possibility of relationship...but since it turns out that my friend was wrong and the person isn't interested, i'm on the verge of closing it again...and i'm considering nailing it shut for good this time because why mess with a good thing?
Wow, this person's childhood was SO MUCH like mine (complete with a violent brother whom I had to forgive over and over, mentally ill mom who either loved on me or exploded, and a trucker dad who showed up rarely). And I have had "love" relationships just as messed up, too. I feel bad for my younger self, she was desperate to be loved and only knew how to look for it in the worst possible people, because they felt like family.
Oh my god hit the nail on the head there why we choose crappy partners because they feel so familiar 😞
@@roseysimpson2992 exactly. my first ex reminded me of my abusive-neglectful parents; my second ex reminded me of my narcissistic sibling. been single and happy ever since that second divorce!
Shoutout to those who were born and brought into the world without any purpose. Unfortunately a lot of parents have kids for welfare checks and no purpose to even care for them. Definitely hurts.
It's not just for welfare checks, sometimes they want a picket fence dream without having to do the work, but yeah, shoutout to the realist of real ones 💪
@paletteprincess97
This is validating. Sending hugs. ❤
I dunno why they had me, maybe I was an accident, but my brother was born "so I had someone to play with". Sad we never had a good relationship. He was 5 years younger and I could never relate to him.
I was repeatedly told “I was told to abort you”
@@G-host0069 Oh, how very sad. Think of the children that didn't make it to live their life. These are selfish people who are mentally children themselves. What a sick world we live in.
Poor girl she’s traumatised and her need for attention turned her into the cool girl
How beautiful is your blouse! 🌻
Thank you Anna. It was uncomfortable hearing my own behavior echoed in this woman’s story. Just different players. It’s easy to crapfit any relationship - family member, child, friend, partner. But your genuine concern and clear “that’s not okay” as you advise her is a wake up call. I’ll be listening to this one again.
We're all rooting for you! -Calista@TeamFairy
We've all been there - looking for some guy to rescue us. Joining a 12-Step group and getting into regular serious therapy has helped me change myself, and my life. Not perfect but at least I can see the pattern now.
Keep up the great work!
Nika@TeamFairy
I'm a 28 yo man and I can relate to some of her struggles. Having grown in an problem-ridden household, and being exposed to too many stressful/traumatic events I spent most of my early teens shifting my focus to getting a girlfriend. Never heard a word about taking therapy or guidance to prioritize mental health over relationships. At this age I did most of the work, but it is a struggle to make others grasp why I was single for so long. As I'm not financially stable yet it is pretty hard to attract a prospective girlfriend to be with you, despite being alright all in all (as described by my own circle), fit, having enough fun hobbies and interests.
Yes. It's unfortunately a biased situation. We have to save ourselves first, then we can invite others to join.. such a messed up situation, lol. I feel you, man.
I know this person because it was me. And my heart and soul goes out to this person. So desperately needing that love to be reciprocated from someone who can't and never will. Oh how I wish I had a Crappy Childhood Fairy of my own way back when! It took a very long time but I'm not desperate and needy anymore. And I'm never alone because I've always got me.
I often have to "pause & process" during these types of videos. Today's pause-worthy word for me is INDIFFERENCE. My unready birthmother was indifferent to my existence. My alcoholic/abusive adoptive parents were often indifferent (to any emotional needs). My adoptive and biological siblings are all indifferent to my very existence. And like the letter writer and many commenters I often 'chose' unavailable / indifferent quasi-potential 'partners'. Too late now to have my own family (beyond those with fur) but glad this type of content is available freely to others now. Just working on getting out of survival mode and trying to exist, never mind thrive (which seems far too unlikely now, though not impossible).
It is possible and you deserve to thrive! We're all rooting for you :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Sending Strength of Love
💕🙏🏼💕
Hey from a fellow adoptee. When i finally stood up and realized I deserve better, stepped away from the toxic people in my life because I could see that not only did they not have their own act together, they didn't generally give me healthy advice either, and just started traveling a new path, I feel like my whole situation changed. I trusted God to take me down a better road, to help me form healthier relationships, mostly with older women who serve as surrogate moms and have provided a lot of healing. I volunteer twice a month with a homeless ministry and that's a great way to stay humble, serve others, and make some new friends. I work to educate people on the pitfalls/trauma related to adoption in my spare time. 💪😉👊💞🙏
Two years ago I fell in “ love “ with a guy 30 years younger than myself. I came to find out he is a drug addict, he’s has an avoidant attachment style and is a very unhealthy person in every way.
This channel helped me get through that horrible time .
Happy for you that it's over.
Hope you'r ok 👍
I don't get falling in love with someone so much younger. You should question your own health. This goes for men & women. Just my opinion. Hope you can find someone more compatible.
@@idid138Exxxcitement
It's not "healthy" to want to be with someone 30 years younger.
@@idid138sure, but hindsight’s 20/20
This sounds eerily familiar to my last relationship. Thank you for sharing your advice.
💯 😂
Thanks for watching and taking the time to comment! -Calista@TeamFairy
I dated a guy 5 months ago who, the first time we hung out, told me he attempted to hang himself to get his exes attention. That she found him returning to consciousness on the floor because the ceiling fan broke or something, and that he asked “why wouldn’t you save me?” Repeatedly. He didn’t say this and go “that was horrible of me, I’ve grown from that experience, I was in a fucked up place”. No he was just sharing that story. Like this writer, I found it endearing that he would share such an ugly and horrific part of his past with me. Smh. He ended up to be insanely jealous and controlling and emotionally unstable, we only lasted 2 months.
I had a colleague share the same experience with me. I guess he wanted to be heard. I understood him as I've been in similar emotions but he's too traumatised to be around. I keep my boundary with him.
While she may not have been responsible for how her parents turned out- I know exactly how she feels. It's a feeling of responsibility and guilt. The loser dude thing- unfortunately, know this feeling as well. I did kick the loser to the curb after too many years. I never looked back and have decided alone is a very fulfilling place to be.
The title of this clip hit me deep as I was neglected as a child, unknowingly got 'caught' by a narc husband and now struggling to define myself, to be authentic.
As someone who experienced neglect in my parents' house, it is hard to realise the impact, how it affects me and what I am missing.
Because neglect is 'not loud'.
Thanks for the video, Anna ❤.
Thank you for watching and taking the time to comment. Hope you will find help here.
Nika@TeamFairy
yes! neglect is not loud! and it's heavenly compared to active abuse.
I just put up boundaries and dumped crap-fit friends.
Same
OP don't be a hospice care kid and you don't have to be parentified because of your brother. Go no contact with anyone angry or violent. You are NOT his parent.
oh, this dear lady! she's going to be ok, but ugh what a hard road for her to get to ok!! it's so difficult to overcome the temptation to devalue ourselves.... there's someone i have a thing for, and i've been doing a lot of volunteer work for them. someone i love (!!) has been telling me for a long time that the person is into me, and i held out hope for a long time, but i finally had to admit to myself that i see no evidence of it! so, after months of hard volunteer work, it finally started to affect my health. so i came up with an exit strategy. and i will pull the trigger on it on my own terms so that i can leave the rest of the team in good shape without causing myself any further mental, physical, or emotional harm.
With a home life like that what kind of chance did Bea have. 🙏❤🙏She finds the peace love and joy we are all looking for. 🙏❤🙏
Anna, I’m só glad with your program!
I’m learning a lot from it.
Thank you very much!
I'm so glad it's been helpful! Thanks for sharing :) -Calista@TeamFairy
God this is rough listening to her story. I have a really dysfunctional family, fucked off to another country cause i thought i found love. Like her, I felt like if i could just find the right person everything else would fall into place. I realize it isnt how it works, but you desperately just want to be loved. 😞
Extremely helpful. Some major points resonated, I will be watching this again. Thank you crappy childhood fairy, sound advice. To the writer, know that you are not alone in ending up in situations like this.
my mom took her anger out on me my whole life because she’s chased men around and i want to go no contact when i move out. my mom is one of those people that think a man is everything and she tells me i can’t wear shorts in my own house and throws in my face that it’s her house and i can’t do that around her husband
"You didn't cause it. You can't control it, and you can't cure it." 👊
Anna, me and my family are going through a huge trauma right now: our home state, Rio Grande do Sul, in Brazil, has had huge unprecedented rains and floods, leaving over 2 million affected and 100 thousand homeless. There are still 46 cities in state of public calamity. The rain washed everything away, covered the cities, killed people and animals, a current so strong it took brick houses, bridges and roads away. It was so fast people could save nothing, many not even their pets, their family... A month for the water to go down. People trapped in contaminated water, no food, no clean water, no energy... All we want to do is cry, for help and of despair... Our people are broken 💔 How do we go from here? How do we heal from it? 😢 Things are so traumatic right now... A war scenario. And it will keep raining, climate change is not a joke. It will happen again and again. How can we survive the next 50 years while keeping sanity?
Thank you for your beautiful work ❤
Brazilians…very bad karma
@@lela888 Wow. That sure helps a lot, thanks. Do you even know where Brazil is? Do you know our states? Our culture?
Wow how awful!! I can imagine how scary that must be.
Climate change is man made dear.
@@martyvirtue4051I agree. Doesn't make it any less devastating to those who are it's victims, right? (Lahaina, Maui, HI and many more.) I am so sorry for all the lives lost, destroyed, and devastated. 💔
Thank you for reading this letter and shine the light where it is needed.
This is so beautiful thank you for posting this! 🙌🏻🤗
When you’re raised by immature bullying narcissistic parents with a golden sibling & non stop told what a disappointment you are in every way possible. Behind your back bad mouthed to all the relatives. But don’t understand why they aren’t kind to you. And you know stuff is wrong but don’t trust yourself. Then someone shows interest. Flatters you. Wants you. You don’t see or trust the red flags. Or make excuses for them. Until it’s undeniable. And a parent, that doesn’t know the details, says, “what did you do? Who’d want you anyway” Because there was repetition from your mother about just as easy to marry rich as poor. And college is for getting a husband. And you need a man to take care of you. You fall for it again. Charm, flattery & b. s. And just wanting to be loved. And stay to long, again until it’s undeniable. And you do it again. And you think this guy is kind. But he’s really not. And each time you pick yourself up from bottom or below and carry on. There is child from the first marriage that is my main thought & responsibility. Way way more than to myself. And I’m still getting negative toxicity from parents. Opposite of support. Making it harder. I’ve gone to counseling throughout. Not gotten any real help. Was put on Prozac. Not helpful. Then I took an eye opening class from a psychologist called “how to get along with anyone”. Asked if she’d take me on as private client. She did. A few weeks in she asked to run some questions by me. Quite a few. Said I had a very strong case of c-ptsd. Changed my life. I had a path. I’m 70 now. Still learning. Son is grown. We don’t have a close bond. Breaks my heart. But I understand. Still regret not finding the love of my life instead of user/ abusers. I’m financially poor but my independence & freedom are gold. I understand that I’m a sensitive, empath , INFP with c-ptsd. And a frickin Pisces🙀 Knowing all that I wish I had a heart connection to a person. I’m always checking new male friends as potentials. And I chap myself for doing it. Even though I can’t imagine being in a relationship. I’m a narcissist magnet with trust issues. Including trusting myself.
It never ceases to amaze me, how nearly identical these experiences have been, for so many of us. Living with narc/abuse, you feel so isolated and alone; and you can't make sense of it to even talk about with ppl, because you think it's you. (And there never seems to be a shortage of folks to tell you exactly what's wrong with you, given half a chance! lol) Then you find out that a whole lotta ppl went through the SAME thing? 😱 Yeah, I don't trust myself much, either, but at least we know we're not... any of that stuff they said we were! ✌️
Doesn't matter if you 70 at 70 you could find someone to love 😊 I'm also a pisces, infj I think, I'm very sensitive but I've grown to hide it pretty well, I grew up with an alcoholic father and emotionally unstable mother. 3 other siblings. My father was always out or at work I missed him and felt he didn't like me. At times he showed me love but at other times he would hit me. I grew up with a void inside me but didn't realise it was beacuse of my father. I drank alcohol as a young adult and tried drugs. I had a boyfriend at 15 I always went out with. I guess it was so escape being at home. And I subconsciously needed a man to rescue me and fill the void. I attracted bullies and narcissistic men. I've been on a path of healing for at least 2 years now. I knew I was leaving him a long time ago I just needed the strength, I was in therapy and realozong he was a narc abuser. I thought I'd marry this man have his kids but I started to observe him and what I saw I didn't like and I knew I had to get out. I suffered with my mental and physical health I still am. But I have peace now and I'm not inside it I a getting flashbacks and memories of things he said and done. I will never go back to him. And I'm 31 starting life again. I'm realizing now what healthy love is and what is not healthy. At 31😂 in working on my bounderies everyone needs them.
Thanks again to Anna for reminding us where the crazies come from😅
Hit the nail on the head ❤️
Wow i needed this video it was very close to my childhood
Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Love 'crapfitting'
ohgod, this was so hard to listen to. my heart goes to you.
Hi.
A nuclear waste site 😆
Sad, but how accurate!
This story is kind of my life
I was in 10 year relationship that should have ended many years ago he ghosted me few times throughout the 10 years what I'd like to know was this hin telling me he didnt want to be with me or was the using it as a controlling behaviour
Thanks Anna love your channel have learnt so much appreciate all you do
Glad you are here!
Nika@TeamFairy
One of my therapists reccommended a program to help me build healthier relationships.... Sounds this might be a good idea for Bee to look at too....
I'm thinking about writing you a letter. How do I do that?
If you'd like to share your story and ask Anna a question, feel free to write an "Ask the Fairy" letter. You can do it from here: bit.ly/CCF_Letters
Nika@TeamFairy
❤❤❤ ❤❤
I'm a guy and feel lost without a woman, but unfortunately, that is much much much less attractive than a woman who needs a man.
The part where he is saying he is pulling away because he doesn't want her to see him in this pain is not normally kindness in theses cases it is manipulation through use of victim role
Narcissists also use death threats to keep people close
Nah, take breaks between
I hate hearing the truth
On the other hand, it can be liberating.
Nika@TeamFairy
HOW DO YOU KNOW HOW TO READ MOST MEN? SOME ARE REALLY GOOD AT
MAKING YOU FEEL SPECIAL? IN TH 70'S I READ "HOW TO BE YOUR OWN BEST
FRIEND" -- THIS THIN BOOK REALLY HELPED......IT REALLY HLPED
Yes, I read that book in the 70s, when I was in high school and it really helped me too.
Thank God I do not suffer being lost without a man. I can use some help with Heavy lifting, however, I do not NEED a man. A reciprocal partner would be cool 😎
I had been with unavailable guys in the past, and the latest one really send me backwards. My childhood is full of trauma, abuse and to not let me express my feelings. I'm 50, no kids and don't know what's my purpose in life is still. I wanted a family and a husband that cares about me and gives me the world. But I have been hurt so many times that when I thought he was the right person, he friendzone me. I'm not dating right now. I'm on therapy. (but I wish it could be everyday) I treating him like a friend, but I need to be alone. I'm done with that dream of being in love and all that.
We're not all Straight....
You said the quiz is free, but it's not 😡😡😡😡😡😡😡
It most certainly is. Dozens and even hundreds of people take it every day.
I am a man 🧐😝
One of your best; I’ve watched it 4 times already, but/I recognized myself-you are a lifesaver!
Thank you for all you do; it’s making such a positive difference!
✨🪄✨
Thank you for your kind words! I'm so glad the video was helpful :) -Calista@TeamFairy