Sh*t People Say to Amputees Tier List 😆
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- Опубликовано: 26 сен 2024
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People say some....interesting!...things to me as an amputee! Let's rank from horrifying to hilarious. 😉
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MY STORY //
Fourteen years of pain and failed ankle surgeries brought me to 2018, when I made the difficult decision to become a twenty-seven-year-old below-the-knee elective amputee. This channel is to document my journey of amputation surgery, recovery, and reclaiming my life.
MY PROSTHETIC LEG:
I use the Ossur ProFlex XC Torsion foot/ankle with a direct socket with passive vaccum suction.
MY AMPUTATION STORY - IN VIDEO:
Why Did I Lose My Leg? • HOW I BECAME AN AMPUTE...
How I Said Goodbye To My Leg: • COME WITH ME ON A GOOD...
Seeing My Amputated Leg for the First Time: • Seeing my amputated le...
Day in the Life of an Amputee: • A Day in the Life of a...
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#amputee #amputeedriving
This video is freaking GOLD.
Hahah awww thank you!!!!
No it is DIMOND
Hi jo I have cerebral palsy not an amputee but how do u get one shoe only
Yo mama is gold
@@marlam2 she buys a pair of shoes, she puts one on her prosthetic and uses the other on her actual foot
As someone with a service dog, I constantly get "Thank you for your service."
It used to be so much more awkward every single time, but nowadays I just turn to my dog and say "Hey, they're thanking you for your service. Don't be rude, say thank you."
I'm so confused, are they actually saying that to the dog? Or are you a veteran?
Edit: my bad, the video explained it! 😅 Next time someone asks you that you should make up a story and keep getting more and more absurd with it. See how far you can take it
@@clyne8835 this was funny to read lol, not in a bad way, but your the exact type of person this comment is targeted at lol!
I love this so much! How do people react?
@@clyne8835 I was wondering as well but I would think if you were saying that to the dog it would sound like you are being condescending to the person because you are trying to make a joke of it? Yeah, I don't get it either.
How's it feel being funnier than everyone else?
I’m with you on the “it made you stronger” thing. I went through PTSD and beat it and had people saying this ALL the time. No. My trauma made me vulnerable and depressed and had extremely negative effects on my life. I made me stronger. I put it in the work. It didn’t make me stronger, I did.
I think that is what people mean when they say it. Adversity can either make us stronger or weaker. It is just easier to say if it doesn't kill you it makes you stronger. Not really true but most platitudes are not. Stereo types; most the time are correct but not always.
I've never had PTSD but I had a pretty rough childhood. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" or "You're so resilient!" really gives me mixed emotions because if it were anyone else, they would've survived, just like I did. I'm not any more resilient than anyone else, I just had no other choice than to make it through. And saying I'm stronger for having gone through that is just trying to find meaning in the bad things that happen to us when in my case it was completely senseless. "You're stronger, so it wasn't all bad!" is what I hear. Some things just don't have a silver lining and you don't need to find one
I do appreciate that they're trying though. Just doesn't hit the mark for me. I'd rather they say "that was shitty, I wish it wasn't like that" because I sincerely agree
I totally agree. I have some non-visible disabilities and I used to say this to myself all the time when things were difficult, then wonder why I never got any stronger for it. Turns out not every hardship makes you stronger and that's okay and doesn't make you less of a worthwhile person.
YES. You did that in SPITE of your trauma. Go you! Your trauma doesn't get credit for your inner work 🖤
Love your ranking! The "I'd kill myself in your position" is a hard one to hear, especially when it's said on an already hard day. I understand that people generally don't mean harm with their statements, but dang that hurts.
"You're too young for (mobility aid)"
"You're totally just faking it for attention"
"I wish I had that excuse to not exercise"
People can be cruel.
Ohhh, the excuse not to exercise one pisses me *off* ! I've gotten all of them (more often from medical professionals than from randos, go figure), but that one... I'm just like, I would give *ANYTHING* to be able to go hiking and backpacking again, or to exercise like a normal person. We should just ask them if they want to trade lol.
When I was a kid, my cousin was in her twenties I believe and had to use a cane. I was confused at first, but it was revealed to me by other family members that she has a medical condition that causes her to need it. It makes me wonder how often rude people say things like that to her.
I was coming here to say the same. “You’re too young for…” “You don’t look sick,” etc.
"You're too young to be using a cane!" I got from a middle aged man on the bus once.
I glared at him and said "Tell that to my spine." Genetic conditions don't give a damn how old you are.
@@forgenorman3025 Whooo, that's a zinger of a response! I'm going to have to remember that one :D
"everything happens for a reason" always grinds my gears, it's not on there but "Someone else has it worse" is the absolute worst in any context like wow thanks for invalidating my problems Susan
They are probably just parroting things people said to them in a similar context for no reason other than they were told it so that must be what people say.
Follow-up questions might help them see that they have no idea why they're saying what they're saying and have no basis for why something like that matters?
"How would you define worse, and why do you think one persons pain is more valid and worthy of attention and help than another persons, what would happen if you met someone who literally had it 'worse' than any else in the world?"
also*
"how does someone else having it worse supposed to make me feel better?"
Most people in the world are Christian, and a big part of the theology is god having a plan for everyone. Everything happening for a reason refers to gods plan. Noted I’m an atheist but was a former Christian.
@@hexogramd8430 We know why they say it, its just stupid. "Its all part of gods plan" is just, not helpful at all ever. In fact, how is it reassuring that someone planned to make you suffer? "He planned their murder your honour, therefore everything is fine"
@@hexogramd8430 most people in the world are not Christians, lol
One of my friend's has a form of Lupus that causes his skin to blister when he goes out into UV light. Because of this, he has a disability tag for his car (so he can walk a shorter distance to the store so that he's not in the sunlight very long). We invited him to dinner one day in a downtown area. He showed up late and had obviously been walking in the sun. He said he'd had a hard time finding a space close to the restaurant. We asked why he didn't park in the handicapped space just outside the restaurant. He face palmed saying "Damn it! I forgot I'm disabled!"
😆
At least his self esteem seems ok
Heh friggin lockdowns he probably been inside too long and forgot the sun 😆
@@prion42 probably 😂
😂😂😂
I laughed at the "I forgot you're disabled" because I am surrounded by people who are chronically ill, disabled, neurodivergent... I sometimes catch myself saying "OH! I forgot you have a functional body"
My autistic ass every day… I don’t FEEL disabled. Sometimes living with autism does have a real cost, but like… have y’all not noticed that the neurotypical brain also has a TON of really common and predictable problems?
There’s a term in computer science for not being able to make one aspect of a system better, unless there’s a trade-off and something else gets worse: “Pareto optimal.” I think it’s named after someone - not sure. But at a certain point I do think that trying to make neurodivergent people act “normal” just makes our biggest strengths worse. We may not be strictly optimal, but we are Pareto optimal. And so are you.
@@emilysmith2965 DUDE SAME!! I haven’t been diagnosed with autism but I have ADHD, and I don’t consider myself “disabled”, but some things are just so much harder. Like the hoops I have to jump through in order to accomplish some tasks that my peers can do in a heartbeat? They’re made even tougher by the days that I’m a shining example of a “gifted kid”. Really sucks :((
I’m autistic too, and I get this so much! I get the “I wouldn’t have known if you didn’t tell me” response all the time when I tell people and I always go “are you sure about that?”
This was said to me with less bizarreness (I don’t think this is a word)
Small kid maybe 5 or 6: If I water your arm, would it regrow?
Me: bursts out laughing
All while the father is looking at me with a deer in the headlights expression.
Oh the innocent nature of kids, wish I could experience the world like that
my grandson told me that we needed to find leg seeds
That's adorable
Kids are so cute and innocent 😇 this made my day!
That is very, very cute. I hope the dad didn't tell the kid off for asking.
That's cute. And if only it worked that way! Seriously, where are the Luke Skywalker bionic arms?
Kids are refreshingly honest and I don't mind talking to them about it.
I get "Can you feel it?"
"Did it hurt?"
"Does it make you sad?"
It's a great opportunity to show compassion. I think kids appreciate being talked to as an adult and getting honest answers.
Watching parents scold children for saying something or asking about my prosthetic is a tough one. I don't want to start a whole dialog in the line at the grocery store, but I feel a lot more awkward in that situation than a kid just asking point blank questions (as kids tend to do). I appreciate parents trying to teach manners to their kids but it also makes me feel like people are walking on egg shells around disabled folks. I've had a parent make their kid cry yelling at them to stop staring....but hey to a kid that's a robot leg, made from shiny carbon fiber. Don't put it in your kid's head that we are a special class of person that you should avoid for fear of offending.
So assuming the kid asks their parent questions and not you, even though you can hear them, would you prefer that the parent try to answer where they are?
I second Limi. Two kids and sometimes they've asked me about people that look different for whatever reason. I've usually told them we'd talk about it later because talking about anyone in front of them is rude. A few times I've considered telling my child to just go and ask but felt like it was invasive to the person. They are just trying to buy groceries, not do a Q & A with a kid and their parent. What are your thoughts?
@@CorwinFound in my opinion I'm fine with people coming up to me and asking how things work, especially children. They're kids and they deserve to have their curious minds satisfied. Doing the opposite of that is what has caused a lot of problems In the school system. Not being able to do that has caused a lot of problems in children and is directly what causes a dislike of learning. Not saying you telling your kids to wait a bit is going to destroy their entire existence, but asking questions is healthy and helps their minds develop
@@airbots4789 I agree with the sentiment of letting kids ask questions and be curious, but as an autistic person that finds children such an overstimuly (they're very unpredictable and sometimes loud), I do not appreciate a child invading my personal space and asking me a question when I'm going through my day. I wouldn't say anything about it to them, they don't understand that and I'm not the one who should explain it, but encouraging your childs to go up to people to ask things, is, in my opinion a bad idea. Specially since children don't have the knowledge to understand context yet, although there are more reasons.
All parents are humans and thus idiots! If you really want to teach them address the kid ignoring the parent!
If my son is curious I encourage him to ask a question! Also I'm not ashamed to say that I'm often also curious as to what the answer will be.
Screaming at a kid is not teaching, the opposite in fact.
"It's not fair, you people always get the best parking spots!" I was shocked into silence by that one because the person clearly didn't intend it as a joke.
The "How did it happen?" question also ranks higher for me because you do not ask a person you haven't met yet for their medical history. Unless you are medical personnel of course. This actually happened to me at a party: I was in my wheelchair and A LOT of people came up to me just to ask what happened. And when they had heard the story and maybe mumbled something about "my courage", they just turned their backs to socialize and have fun with the able crowd. That hurt so bad!
So I'm really happy that after the amputation when people ask me about what happened to my leg I will be able to reply "What leg?" 🤣
I feel like the "It's not fair, you people always get the best parking spots!" one can only be answered with "That's the only thing about my disability that is in any way fair."
@@mahna_mahna 1st
What happened to your leg?
*points at the not-amputated leg:* uhhh it got really strong!! Check this out!
“What leg?” That kills me lol 😂
When they think assume you lost it in war and ask....tell them “Yes, WW2”. Then just wait for them to process that......
Or "the Emu war... we fought valiantly, but we were outnumbered." 😂
Love that response 😂
I'm trying to think about something relating to a battle against gators in Florida 🤔
@@disk0553 🤣🤣🤣
@@XSemperIdem5 Or the battles against Florida Pythons.
"Have you ever tried not being disabled?" (Yes, I've heard some stupid sh!t)
"If you just exercise, it'll go away."
"It's because you're fat."
"It can't hurt that much."
"You don't need meds."
"Just get some sunshine."
These are statements that have been used by relatives, medical professionals, and others in blatant disregard for both my physical disabilities and mental health struggles.
Lack of empathy and complete ignorance aswell as over confidence and a hint of egotystical entitlement.....quite the package.
I'm sorry you have to deal with that shit man.
I'd expect the existence of regular people who say ignorant shit like that. But medical professionals? That has to be a special class of stupid person, deserving of having a Will Smith done on them.
That first one gets a "eh sounds like a lot of effort" from me every time 😆
However I have never heard "get some sunshine" what do they think you are a flower?
My mom used to tell me the sunshine one all the time !
No mom, I don't need sunshine ! I need meds and a therapist.
“Bruh your leg was amputated? Just grow it back”
The ones I usually get are "we are all disabled in our own ways", or on the other end of things, "there's no such thing as disabled". Both annoy me as a paraplegic because it's like a slap in the face and disrespectful to what I (and other disabled people) face everyday
Yes. I've gotten those dismissive condescender comments too.
I hate the "we're all a little bit autistic" comments, and I don't even have autism myself
I as a person with cerabal palsy one of the things that got me really angry is someone I can't remember the age saying
"What happened" which like I get the idea but that sounds like they think the only way you can get physical disabilities is injury
@@hotpotato1898 that one makes me cringe bad. People who say that don't even come close to understanding how hard it is to communicate, to deal with the sensory overload, etc. As if autism was simply limited to obsessive interests and little quirky things like that.
@@hotpotato1898 I have autism and I get this a lot and I hate it. I also have anxiety and people say like “oh I think I just had an anxiety attack.” When they just got a little scared for a second and it just really annoys me
"Handi-capable" and "dis-ABILITY" both go in the Thanks For Ruining My Day tier
I hate it when people try to speak for a group of people they're not a part of, especially when talking to someone in said group. I can't stand the euphemisms people try to say instead of disability. Just say disability, because that's what it is. It's OK.
@@happychaosofthenorth It feels like it often (though not always) starts with someone who is disabled and comes up with a term that _they_ like better because they feel more empowered by it. But then a bunch of able-bodied people see it and think they are doing every disabled person a favor by using it on them, whether they asked for it or not. The same is true about a lot of labels for race, sex, gender identity, etc. The road to hell and all that.
Oh I felt that. I have dyspraxia and autism and every time I say "I have a mental disability" or "I have a learning disability" I get told "You have a mental _difficulty_ " As if it's something I can work through and overcome with practice, like no, I'm disabled.
@@clyne8835 It could be worse, they could sincerely use the R word, or even jokingly use it. Not really a big fan of that one.
I have gotten "wow you are too young to be disabled!" - I always as, well, there are children who are born with disabilities. That usually makes them think!
I've heard "you're so young to have a heart condition!" so many times! Now my come back is "well I was born with a heart condition," it's like only really old people have heart problems. I've even heard this from doctors!
@@amandameyer-smith5452 I mean, most people who have heart conditions are old, because you become more susceptible to them. Also, it can be an honest pity, as in it's not as hindering to your life if it only happened when you were old, because you're more likely to be retired and you won't have so much of your life ahead of you to deal with it.
What an idiotic thing to say
I mean, the too young thing, not the response, obviously
Okay so I don't exist, got it :( (I was born with a genetic disability)
If somebody ever said that to my little sister in a wheelchair (born with spinabifida) i think I’d lose my shit so props to you for having a mature response
The "I forgot you were disabled" comment always reminds me of Toph Beifong in avatar the last Airbender. She is so functional and overcomes her disability at an astounding level to the point that people completely forget that she's blind. She taught herself to see by sensing vibrations in the ground
And then they remember as they throw a heavy belt at her face
I do always find it funny when characters forget that she can't see and ask her do to stuff involving reading or writing.
"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger". No, it traumatised me and made me mentally unstable... but it did make me funnier though.
That's a misquote, its actually " that which doesn't destroy you makes you stronger". Also it was said at a time when mental health wasn't understood
Yeah, the dark humor and cynicism is a weird consolation prize but whatever. I'll take it. 😆
Hell yeah. It didn’t make me stronger, I did. I put in the work to deal with the pain I was given as a child. Plus, I was a kid, I didn’t need to be strong, I needed to be loved.
Gigglesnort. I can relate on all counts!
It made your comedy career stronger? Ig?
When I was a kid, I had a bone disease, and had to wear external calipers for a considerable time. I walked by rocking and pivoting, very slow and tiring.
One of the most upsetting interactions with an adult was when I was out in a public place (at the horse races), and a man shoved a $5 note in my back pocket and muttered something like "Poor kid".
Now $5 was enough to buy myself some nice food at the racecourse, but that patronising incident really upset me. I didn't want to be seen as 'the cripple kid', I just wanted to be normal.
What disease, if you don't mind me asking?
@@woodfur00 Perthes. Also called Legg-Calve disease.
It is one of those things that varies hugely in severity. I was towards to more severe end of the scale, thankfully only in one hip.
I was very fortunate to have extremely good treatment and recovered well (the disease is simply blood supply dying away to the head of femur; if the blood supply regenerates, and weight is kept off the joint, then the femur usually regrows).
The treatment I had is frowned upon these days, because it tends to cause serious scoliosis.
A counselor said "everything happens to a reason". I was having such a difficult time at the time and it was heartbreaking being told that. I never went back to her.
That person is no counsellor.
Yeah, that’s one of the problems about the religious framework: since “God knows everything and loves everyone”, he wouldn’t let it happen just because, randomly… Most religious people really believe everything happens for a reason… This mindset is very hurtful to people who faces a tragedy in their life - and when they hear someone implying you “needed” that loss because, you know, “God has something nice for you”… it hurts A LOT.
It is terrible, and unfortunately it is hard to make people aware of that because it is deeply rooted in their belief system.
People try to make other people happy by just... lying to them. Not really the same, but I have adhd and I'm sick of people saying shit like "you actually have a super power because... bla bla bla" my struggles are not ok because.. oh wait, everything "good" about having adhd has a terrible consequence. Yeah I can focus on drawing, but I don't think barely being able to meet my basic needs like drinking a cup of water everyday is a great trade off. Sorry for ranting lmao
I was being checked into a psych ward years ago and the woman doing so said the same damn thing when I mentioned that I was a product of r@pe. I was literally like "So you're saying God _wanted_ my mother to be r@ped?" Hopefully she learned not to say that shit again.
EDIT: Actually what she said was "God works in mysterious ways." I couldn't recall at first what exactly she said, but yeah.
It’s like they’re saying “ You deserved what happened to you because you’re bad.”.
One of my friends watches your videos and she is also an amputee you truly are a blessing in her life because right after the surgery she became suicidal and tried to end her life so I showed her your videos and now she is a totally different person than she was at the time of her surgery you taught her that she can do anything and she can be brave if you can now she goes to school full time and even does PE all of which she didn’t think she could do (she is a leg amputee btw) now she is learning to drive as well and she even goes on runs with her puppers
Thank you Jo for saving my best friends life and helping her through those tough days I truly appreciate it ❤️
So you're saying Joe has been very... INSPIRATIONAL? 🤣
Seriously, though, I feel like that's the one case where the "inspirational" term should be used. It shouldn't be used for simply existing. It should be used if you built a platform for advocacy and outreach. And it should be inspirational for people who are having to deal with similar challenges and being shown there is a way forward.
Weird short story: I used to work at a casino. One of the HR reps was telling us at orientation the weirdest things people leave behind. The weirdest was a prosthetic leg-- and no one came back to claim it! How do you walk into a casino with two legs and leave with one? And they are not cheap either.
weird shady deal going on, but the buyer forgot to take the leg with him
Here's another weird story: one of my dad's best friends works as an engineer at a theme park. Well, they have this ride that they had a lot of problems with because of a combination of things. Mostly on a certain curve, people would lose their stuff even though they were supposed to put everything in lockers beforehand. Apparently, a guy even lost his prosthetic leg even after being told that he could keep it by the locker by the gate. He had insisted that it was secure. Well, my dad's friend, his team, and a whole bunch of employees looked everywhere on the grounds for the leg. They even drained a pond and searched rooftops. The leg was never found. As a result, now the rides are really extra about not taking anything on them.
Lost a bet, obviously
I have heard that gambling can cost you an arm and a leg.
Maybe they got drunk and their fellow carried them home without their leg?
I knew a vet in college who had been injured overseas. He showed me the scar on his leg and the first thing out of my mouth was "Wow, cool!"
He laughed and thanked me for that reaction. He said "most people get all solemn and thank me for my service" lol
"Are you wearing that so that people will feel bad for you?" is one I have gotten a lot about my knee brace. I only wear it when I really need to, and it looks pretty heavy-duty, so people have implied or straight out asked me if I'm faking it 🤦♀️
Yes, would you like to make a donation?
@@brendashelonko2149 😂
I've had several people ask me the same about my knee brace - the gall that some people have is astounding
The fact that there are people who think it is okay to say certain things, specially to strangers, is just so baffling
Why would they even think such a thing? I could never understand that
Not an amputee but I've used a wheelchair my whole life and I've heard about half of these. Growing up in the South, one I heard a lot (mostly as a kid, usually from an old lady I'd never met) is "bless your heart," which sounds sweet but is actually just a nicer way of saying "sucks to be you"
I freaking love southern ladies. The older they are, the more skilled they become at the covert insult. It's amazing and hilarious.
"Bless your/his/her heart" is definitely sometimes a Southern way of saying "It's too bad you're/he's/she's so dumb". 🤣
@@sitcomchristian6886 I got blocked by a Trump supporting relative, just because I said "Well, bless your heart" to them after reading their spiel on a PM. It's a stronger insult than most people realize and an absolutely terrible thing to say to a disabled person, let alone a disabled child.
"Can I try it on?" Sure, if you let me try your leg instead!? 🤣
Yeah only if you can replace my leg with yours. Deadass my father tried very hard to somehow give me his leg, even though he's literally a hundred and fifty pounds heavier than me, and about four inches taller
Came from a good place, but when science gets to the point where that's possible I'll get out of my grave and dig you out as well. Somehow graft your femur onto my nub
@@airbots4789 We do have a few cases of limb transplants; but finding a limb donor is soooo much harder than internal organs for most of the reasons you've stated; you'd need similar build, bone structure and proportions. Even then, you'll have to take immunosuppressants every day for the rest of your life unless your donated limb was from a twin brother; the same downside with any organ or tissue donation.
It's more likely we'll just get better at robotics and control interfaces to the point a mechanical limb is functionally better than a donated one; unless we get to the point where we can grow cloned replacement parts in labs and graft them on. I'd still bet more on the robotics though, as grafting nerves is extremely difficult, and even in limb reattachments control, touch and mobility are decreased if you have to reattach severed nerves.
@@kauske i hope both options continue to be developed and it becomes a matter of personal preference, but i can already imagine it potentially turning into an issue of class. If regrown "identical to natural" limbs become mainstream viable, will it be a mark of an underclass to have robotic limbs instead? I really hope we get past class and money soon...
@@Qsalis It will really depend on where technologies go, it's mostly down to economies of scale. If millions of people are all demanding cloned organs and body parts it will drive the price down as companies compete to provide. Growing flesh is sort of cheap overall, cheaper than manufacturing precision robotics when you get down to the nitty gritty since you just need to feed cells and they build for you.
The most expensive part might be constructing a collagen framework to help guide the cells to do their thing, versus rare earths, circuitry and etc for robotics. You also have the issues of continued treatment if you do things like implant circuitry into the body; a wire going into you is essentially an open wound that never heals.
Overall an organ that is your own flesh has the potential to be cheaper to manufacture and requires less follow ups, drugs and maintenance unlike robotics or donated tissues. But we have the economies of scale for robotics and electronics already, since they have other uses.
If cloned body parts take off, I'd expect them to end up the cheaper option. At the same time, there are advantages to robotic limbs too. Robotic limbs wouldn't get tired, or suffer things like carpal tunnel or other repetitive stress injuries. Some might conceivably desire a robotic replacement over a cloned one.
I imagine robotics will be first though, we're so clone to working mind-machine interfaces, while growing a whole working arm or leg is a ways off still.
Hey that's a swap meet most of us would go to Just saying 🤣
"You're still pretty, though." That's basically an admission of a foot fetish. And the proper response to "I would kill myself" is "You still can!"
😂 that actually made me laugh out loud
Tell me you have a foot fetish without telling me you have a foot fetish.
A funny reply ngl but I wouldn't want to inply they do that 🤣 luckily as a fat man I was never pretty before my disability altough it's not a missing limb (it just doesn't work), and quite frankly I have never heard the other "I would kill myself" but I'm not sure how i would have felt if i heard that before this video probably just ignore it, or made sarcastic remark to make them feel bad like "I tried but it's hard to tie a rope with one arm" not that I have ever had those thoughts but the dark humor works for me lol
I was going to go with “Aw thanks-if I were you I’d kill myself too.”
I've gotten the "Thank you for your service" comment a couple times when people see my prosthetic leg. One person then even asked me which branch I served and I had to tell him that I never served. He asked me if I was sure. I simply replied that I watch a lot of military shows on the History Channel and if that counted. We both had a good laugh then!
Big fan of asking if you're sure. Like what did he expect, "oh wait it's coming back...aaaah the ptsd again, I'd finally managed to forget it"? (and since this bit of youtube is wholesome, I want to clarify I'm very much aware of how serious ptsd is, I don't want to make fun of it, I just genuinely wonder if the guy might have been thinking of amnesia)
@@claida339 eh. I have complex-ptsd with severe dissociation that causes memory problems and I was once temporarily disabled after being hit by a minivan… It truly doesn’t work like that. If a disability is a consistent reality that is actively happening to you, you’re not going to forget the very basics of what happened. It’s too stubbornly in your face all the time.
With PTSD with dissociation, all the memories are there, it’s just a gamble with what memories you’ll have access to on any given day. If I’m asked by someone about what happened to me, I can list things off just fine. Then two days later I’ll have a delayed reaction of grief. Then dissociation takes over and blurs everything out again until the next time someone asks.
me looking at my cane going 'no, im pretty sure the army wouldn't have me.'
Asking if you’re sure? Wtf. lol People are so dumb.
@@sweetluvgurl actually in his defense, he was probably just busting my chops. I've gotten to know him pretty well and now I know him to be a serious joker. That being said, others have commented that I look like I've been in the military though I'd never served. It might be because I've been doing crossfit to get me back in shape after my accident and amputation.
My favorite one is "I forget that you're disabled/But you don’t look disabled." My mom has Lupus, and part of that is a bad reaction to perfumes, colognes, anything with artificial fragrances. She can’t breath and gets really ill for a few hours to days after. The amount of times people have come up to me proudly saying that they didn’t put on perfume while they have scented lotion on is insane. Thanks for trying, truly, but you'll still make her sick.
Oh god I couldn't imagine having a friend or having that disability myself. I am a very stinky person and HAVE to use heavy perfumes and deodorants in order to not smell unpleasant. 😭
I had a friend who was deathly allergic to peanuts growing up. I currently work with coworkers who alot if not all of the staff and definitely all the management know she is severely allergic to nuts.
As a cashier I was working a till and saw an open peanut granola bar in the drawer (no snacks on the work floor so they broke that rule) contantimating god knows how much of the area. And let alone second hand transfer if a customer or their kids allergic.
Its like, keep it to the break room and wash your hands.
I saw the scent signs on buses and figured if that was a rule severe enough to deny passage then clearly it must be medically serious for some people so I dont wear scents in public. Just private nights in. (I am a homebody to begin with so most date nights are at home but even if not, I dont need perfume to make my night better. Esp knowing it could make someone elses worse.
❤ stay safe!
Sorry dor the rant. Im tired and got on a roll 😂
Tldr: be considerate
"If we teach people not to ask questions that leads to ignorance and bias" Well said!
I was born dwarf and it's rough being a dwarf surrounded by huge kids in high school. The most annoying things people do is just come up and try to help me while doing the opposite of what I needed done. The most degrading is 'If I were you I'd kill myself'. Seriously, I went back home depressed and questioning why I am here (I'm completely fine right now). It's kinda annoying when people make jokes about my shortness without thinking it through too.
People can be ignorent, and people are ignorent.
I don't understand humanitie's obsession with height, it's strange.
A better response would be. You still can the world is better off without scumbags like you.
@@thesilentshadow1256 It is in our monkey brain part, tall=big, big=strong.
hahahahaha short
That's awful. Someone in my state chorus has dwarfism and she's one of the nicest people there, and super enthusiastic. Height doesn't define who you are.
Random person: Thank you for your service!
Jo: Oh, um, actually I wasn't in the military.
Random person: Well maybe you should tell people that before you buy your groceries. It's rude to pretend to be a veteran.
I can't even fathom how some people can be so utterly clueless.
Wow you are so right, next time I go out I will make sure to regrow my limb to avoid stolen Valor.
With a chronic illness, a lot of people say "you're always sick" and I know they mean it in a way that's not accusatory, but sometimes it feels that way
Or it's companion "Oh you're sick *again*?". Like no, I'm not, I'm still sick, it doesn't go away.
I have Crohn's disease. I really, really loathe "It could be worse." Of course it could be worse.
@@JonesStreetMusic ugh I get that too. I have lupus, and I know I could have it worse and that it could be worse, but I feel like people invalidate my experience with lupus
@@ellaelliott4415 Exactly. My experience and how I feel it are mine alone. No one has the right to minimalize or invalidate my pain and my experience. And as people with chronic illness - well everyone, for that matter, not just people with chronic illness - we really need to NOT compare our pain that that of others. Like, "gee why can't I handle this when so-and-so is going through so much and they seem to be so strong." Pshaw to that. Don't ever make those comparisons. Cheers and peace, Ella, from Canada.
I've had chronic pain for a couple of years now and im still in school, so I've had my friends be very excited that im back after a few day absences. Coming from them, it's very sincere and it's a good thing, but I know if it came from anyone else, it would feel weird. Just like the opposite of commenting on my very low attendance.
On school, I've had many a teacher ask why im using the school elevators (only used for teachers and disabled students) because I don't look disabled (whatever a disabled person looks like). Like not even a week ago I had to fully explain my disabilities to someone and I went to class crying.
I've had friends say, when they heard about my disability, say the "If I were in your shoes I'd have killed myself" line
I get what they were trying to say, trying to say that I've been strong in it, but that really doesn't help when I think about it on occasion.
“Can I try it on?” Sure, I’ve got band saw out in the car...
"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
Trauma doesn't make one strong. _Recovery_ does.
Exactly, that's the thing that makes you strong, you're a strong person when that trauma doesn't affect you anymore
Say it louder for the people in the back!
I often refer to this quote by answering "not polio...." then if they continue to say it I just change the example "not breaking your back...." not a stroke... etc
Amen.
When someone tells me they are sorry, I ask, "Why?"
It's not like this is something that has ruined my life. I've been an amputee since I was three. I have adapted.
I like to tell people it's not nearly as bad as you imagine.
I do that. It makes them reflect prior repeating themselves or replying something insensitive.
I think most people are just uncomfortable and do not know what to say. I don't think it's intended to be bad, it's just not within their current contextual capacity,
I usually just tell people that they are an inspiration, whether they've had it from birth, or lost it yesterday, most amputees function better than me, and if that isn't an inspiration for me to better myself I don't know what is.
@@ZombishTurkey Some people, depending on contest might feel a bit offended by being called "inspirational."
For me, it really depends on if I have actually done anything inspirational. I don't really consider simply existing as inspirational. You actually have to do something that can inspire others.
@@erictaylor5462 it would only be if I knew the person well, and they do function better than me, because i have a friend who has bad nerve reception from the waist down, and has to use crutches everywhere, yet he does everything much better than I do, and that is why I told him he was an inspiration to me. I'm not just gonna tell a stranger "You're an inspiration" though.
The "can I try it on" is so weird to me! I (as someone with glasses) gets this question every once in a while, but at least the people asking it are actually able to put the glasses on. How would that work with a prosthetic? Stick your foot in it? Stick your knee in it?
BKA amputation and legally blind in the right eye...glasses since I was a kid, needed the prosthetic later...but people asking to try stuff...umm...the glasses will give you a headache...wow, you are blind dude, these hurt my eyes...🤷♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️ I don't wear them for sex appeal...and no, the prosthetic won't fit you...how would you wear it? 🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️ I've needed them my whole life, I don't know any different...
This just makes me wonder, why would you ever ask someone with a prosthetic to take it off? Imagine asking someone to get out of their wheelchair so you can have a go in it
I’ll never understand why people want to wear my glasses. Like bro you won’t be able to see my eyes are bad as shit what do you think they’ll do?
@@fart63 …which people have actually done.
I understand with little kids, because they wanna try everything 😏 GROWN ADULTS asking to try it on... No. So much no.
I was in a regular wheelchair, trying to go to the shopping mall up the street for the first time, alone. It was a struggle since I had some all over paralysis due to compression of my spinal cord in my neck between C3 & C5. A little old lady stopped me and suggested she could sit in my chair and I could push her. I had to tell her that unfortunately I could not because it was already hard enough to push the wheelchair for myself and I was in it because I couldn’t trust my body to remain upright, even if I was holding onto the chair while I pushed. I could not believe it. It was very obvious that I was struggling to move myself, but all she saw was that I was relatively younger than her and should be able to do it for her.
Most of these apply to all disabilities, and I agree with all your rankings. I’m blind, and I’m not brave or an inspiration for simply existing and doing very normal things. But curious well intentioned questions are always welcome.
A note about asking if we need help, this might be a little different for blind people. You can ask if we need help, because if you’re not making any sound, we won’t know your there to ask for help ourselves. But if we say no, please don’t persist. We know what we’re doing. Growing up in elementary school, I was leaning more towards legally blind, so I was able to do tests and such on my own, but the assisting teachers would ask if I needed help so many times that it really got annoying, and they would complain to my parents about me refusing help
I hope that I'm not overstepping here, but how exactly were you able to leave a comment? Does your phone or computer have braille or something like that?
@@irishuisman1450 There are braille keyboards, and voice recognition has come a long way (just think of Alexa and Siri for example). Those are afaik the most common things blind people use.
@@FriedrichHerschel ah, alright. Thanks!
@@irishuisman1450 every time, I swear every single time someone writes in a comment that they are blind there will be this "how did you write this comment?"-comment. XD ppl, we've got technology. lol I don't even know why this is so funny to me.
@@joschistep3442 tbf I don't really know anyone irl who's blind, so I was genuinely curious ˆˆ'
Ok but ngl i really want to see Jo do a TedTalk. She is so inspiring and honest in her videos. I understand that your disability is definitely real but I love how you still live your life to the fullest.
Ugh, TedTalks are the worst now. They actually had a talk from a "doctor" who said we need to cut pedos some slack. I boycott them now.
👌👌 as someone in a power chair I get “is he your career” “he’s such an amazing man for being with you” “keep that one” all regarding my partner..like can he not just love me for me... and just because I’m in a chair doesn’t mean I have to “keep him” like because I could never get someone else 🙄 he is amazing and kind and we love each other but he’s amazing because that’s who he is not because he didn’t leave me when I became disabled!
💝💝💝
@@ourcorrectopinions6824 i feel like a lot of us can relate
Have interacted with two amputees in my life, one above the knee, one below. I am fascinated with how the prosthetics are constructed. When I asked about them they were more than willing to show me. I had known one of them for two years before I knew she had a prosthetic. I always thought that maybe she just had a slight hitch in her step. Then one day she wore shorts…. 😁
"I don't want to identify you by your cancer" is one I cringe at hearing. A few times people, upon learning I had cancer, immediately told me some grizzly story about a friend or relative who was diagnosed and died the next week. Love your vids!
what's the point of having brains at this point?
@@pennilessdeity2198 That's nice of you to assume those people have let alone use their brains when asking us crazy questions lol
“I forget your even disabled” I’m just picturing the montage of team avatar forgetting toph is blind
Recently my husband and I went to dinner with a friend from college. We drove, and when my husband pulled into a handicap parking spot, our friend said hey, this is a handicap spot. I appreciated that. Then my husband explained that I have a permanent handicap tag, and the friend's reply was, "Wow, that's cool! You're so lucky!"
🙄
I didn't stop to think before responding... And I just said that no, it's not cool. I tried not to be ugly about it because I know he wasn't seeing me as handicapped. My disabilities are invisible. Still, I hope if he's ever in this situation again that he stops and thinks before saying anything.
I just want to say that saying “everything happens for a reason” or “they’re on a better place” to a woman who has just lost their 10 week old baby’s isn’t just ignorant, it’s bloody horrific! Please don’t ever say anything along those lines to anyone who lost a loved one. It’s just awful. This happened to a friend of mine at her son’s funeral. Not okay.
Also, on a more personal note, I hate the “I’ll pray for you/come to our church so we can pray over you, you poor crippled thing”. As a disabled person, just no. I think one woman said something about rising up out of my chair after the session, to which I immediately stood up and said “well it’s a miracle!” (Note: only 5% of wheelchair users are paralysed). Was that a very sarcastic thing to do? Yes. Do I regret it? Not at all.
But yeah, worst thing anyone ever said to me was the “I’d kill myself if I were you” one. How does anyone think that’s a good thing to say to someone? It’s not even just a backhanded compliment, it legit ruined my day, and I felt awful.
Also, the “what doesn’t kill you” one. Oh dear. Definitely not true. My trauma has resulted in long term, severe PTSD. That has absolutely not made me stronger, it’s made me far more vulnerable and fragile. My mental health is far, far weaker.
Also, it’s obviously not true physically either. As my atrophying muscles can attest.
My grandma on my sisters side has always thought that going to church fixes all your problems. She told my mother that if she went to church and worshipped god then my sister wouldn’t have been born with spinabifida or hydrocephalus, and she would be able to walk. (She also thinks that’s why I’m gay, which I think is absolutely hilarious)
I had an acquaintance that had lost both hands in an electrical accident and was in constant pain . ,One day I heard some one say "your lucky your alive ". His answer was "not really".
To be honest though, I think you're inspirational. Not because you're disabled, but because you share your experiences and thoughts about your disability :D
While I am not an amputee, I have gone through some medical stuff the one thing I hate people saying to me is "there are people who have it worse than you."
Imagine seeing Jo at like a snowboarding place with her board, helmet, all the gear, etc. and just being like, “I’m so sorry.”
As part of the chronic illness/chronic pain community I get so sick of the “I hope you get better soon” and when you reiterate what chronic means and that there is no cure the “You never know” comments. So many people expect me to hang my hopes on a miracle. One time it was someone I was willing to confront about that comment and discuss it more and he meant that you never know what science and medicine may discover in the future. I’m ok with that view. It’s just so many people that expect that maybe God will decide to heal you
i think sometimes it's just from the fact that people either don't know what else to say or they feel bad/insecure what to say to someone they know will probably never really, truly be cured. they don't want to do the whole pity "your life is so bad" thing so they just say what they think is positive, even though it really isn't, because spending all your life waiting to get better when you probably won't really isn't a good way to live.
Would a better thing to say be to express hope that you have a lot of good days? I know for a lot of people with chronic pain or chronic illness, good days been be hard to come by and then when you have them people wrongly assume you're "better now." Having people push those kind of expectations has to suck.
I had this happen to me on the other side. I worked with a lady with diabetes and said something like, "You never know, you might not always have diabetes." I was referring to the possibility of a major medical break through. She kind of flew off the handle, "Oh, you think if I eat better or take some special herb I'm going to not have diabetes?!?" (It continued for a while.) I then explained what I meant but I learned a lesson. People with chronic illnesses or disabilities experience a lot of ignorance and/or pushing of miracle "cures".
"Good for you" is a phrase born from discomfort.
Someone who says this to a disable person has absolutely NO CLUE about what to say without being disrespectful.
Great list... here's a few more that I get fairly frequently from strangers:
- Can you grow it back? Duh... 'nuff said.
- Did it hurt? Duh... 'nuff said.
- Why do you have a handicap placard? (followed by... You should let people worse off that yourself have that privilege) I need the extra space to get in and out of the car... I'm 6'2" and have size 15 feet... they're not easy to maneuver when you can't bend your ankle and barely bend your knee.
- How much did that cost? (while pointing at my leg) I usually ask them to guess and most guess between $300 and $500. I just laugh and said my sock collection costs more than that. :)
And last but not least... no question at all... just staring/pointing at it. I'd rather you ask me a stupid question than treat me like that.
I hate it when people park so close you’re having to preform an escapology act to enter or exit the car. My partner got me a T-shirt with a handicap sign on it with “ I’m only in it for the parking” 😂👍🏻
@ Suzanne Jarvis I have an evil streak and will park my car so close to theirs its not possible for them to get in their driver's side door. (I back in if I have to.) I've had one woman track me down in a drug store, pleading with me to move my car. I kept telling I wasn't done shopping & I would have moveit when I was done. She TOLD me to give my keys to the Manager so he could move it! Lol. Then started in about she needed to get home to finish preparing for a party. So, I just told he, well you should have paid attention when you parked so you wouldn't have gotten into this situation. I made her wait 20 minutes. Its all the longer I had to shop & how much energy I pretty much had for the day. But she was parked literally on the blue line! That pissed me off!
The biggest problem is when I get parked in...I can't bend my damn knee and have to lift my leg to get in, thanks a lot schmuck...we need the space for a reason...🤦♂️ I'm 6 foot...not 6 feet necessarily...😁 yes, I make all the dad jokes about it, but...🤷♂️ I still do need some accommodation for the sake of mobility...even with the seat all the way back, it's still a challenge....and size 12.5 feet...not as bad as the OP, but still...and with the stupid Covid 19, my employer is making all staff park on the far side of the building...makes it even harder...
Yeah, I can't imagine how disrespectful that must feel. Especially those jerks who really just suck and don't care about your feelings. I, myself, am too stupid for my own good, so honestly I don't know what I would say that wouldn't be disrespectful. So, what should I say if I meet a person with a disability that isn't disrespectful or offensive? I just don't want to be a jackass, really, but I don't know how to go about in a situation like that.
Edits before this one: changing language and word usage.
This edit: okay, I'm stupid, but I think anyone saying "hey, if I were you, I'd kill myself" just isn't okay.
This edit also: fixing a glaring language issue that made it sound like saying the above was okay.
While I don’t have a physically noticeable disability, I definitely understand the discomfort people must feel if someone were staring at them because of it. At the same time, when I have come across such people, I actually do get oddly curious and have to keep myself from looking in case it’d offend them. I wouldn’t stare out of judgement or thinking they don’t fit in, but just because I don’t encounter people with significant bodily disabilities often and seeing them in person is interesting. Maybe that is still really distasteful, but that’s always the thought that goes through my head.
The first time I met someone with an amputation she told me a bit of her story and my immediate response was "that really sucks and must be very difficult". I just kind of froze because I could have worded my intention better and she looked dumbstruck so I was panicing a bit internally, but to my surprise she replied with "thank you for recongizing that and not immediately pitying me". That's one person's response and obviously doesn't mean everyone with an amputation will take what I said well but it was very eye opening to realize how many people pitty or say that they're sorry for her existence. We ended up being really close and this channel is really wonderful for learning things I may have never thought to ask. Thank you for being educational and level headed. so many people regardless of their place in society don't have a rounded view on things the way you do.
In a way, we see "I pity you" because we dont want to said "That suck"
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
“But ever since my grandpa had a stroke he’s been super easy to push over.”
What about, "Daddy, someone left their leg. You have to find them and give it to them before they fall over."
This wasn't said to me, of course, but it was something I overheard while swimming.
The poor man looked like he wanted to melt when I said, "Hey that's mine."
@ Eric Taylor what the kid said was funny. Now if only there were parenting classes on how to react to your kid's normal approach to Disabled people. Parents are wound too tight.😏
@@lorriefinley3129 Hah! I feel like I needed parenting classes for how to react to my toddler shouting what sounded like a racial slur (that no one he was in contact with ever used and he never had seen on all the TV we don't watch) at a restaurant table next to people who would be the target of that slur. Oh boy. It wasn't 100% the word. It was like someone with a really strong Texas drawl had said it. He went through various "nonsense" phrases he would latch on to for a bit, and that was the word of the week. And here I am, thinking, "Should I say something? Should I just ignore it and they won't think it's what it might sound like? Would bringing it up to them and apologizing and explaining make it even worse?"
Spoiler: It did.
Nice to hear your thoughts on some of these! Having a disability myself, specifically autism, I get a lot of things said that people don't realise hurt me or at the very least come across a lot different than what they intended.
"It's a superpower!" - this one irks me because it implies that I don't deal with every day struggles and that my disability "isn't that bad." It also implies that somehow me being autistic puts me in some kind of better position in comparison to those without, like being smarter etc. That's not how it works... I appreciate the sentiment but the statement fails to realise that my reality is that it isn't going to go away and I have to live with my disability.
"You don't look autistic"
"You're making it up for attention!"
"It's not that hard to speak, just speak"
"You don't act autistic"
I could go on and on but I get so much of these that sometimes I'm only seen as my disability instead of my personality or anything else for that matter. To add, I've had people treat me completely different after finding out I'm autistic and they act like I need to be looked after and stuff. Mate, what changed between the second you didn't know to when you did. You've been fine with me until then... I appreciate that some might not want to offend etc, but it's counterproductive doing it that way as I only want people to be AWARE of it and there might be different scenarios where you might need to intervene but don't treat me differently because of it as if I can't live as a normal human being.
After thought: I think some people think that people with autism are all the same and categorise us as such and fail to understand that it's a very individual thing. A lot of people have compared me to other autistic people as if to say "but they can do it" or "but what about this" etc and it shows a heavy level of ignorance. I'm open to questions but don't compare me
Hi Jo! The lipstick totally works!
…no, not really.
So now I know that you go to RUclips channels just to make hate comments just wow how low are you
I love that colour!
Fabulous!
@@Matthew_Klepadlo leave hater. If you don't like her you don't need to comment under you videos.
I had a cab driver start a conversation with how pretty I was despite my wheelchair, so right off it started bad. then he asked me how it is possible to have intimate relations with a disability. Thankfully I am fairly even tempered and he got a 45 minute education on the various accommodations for a wide range of ability and where to purchase most of those products. He was seriously regretting asking by the time he dropped me off.
I did feel the need to shower when I got home though. Being literally strapped in to the back of someone's vehicle as they ask about intimacy, assume you can't be intimate, is a very unsafe feeling, and I did report him to the company.
The most frequent one that gets me is the "you are so brave" for existing, for getting on a bus. I agree that it is context dependent though, if someone says it after hearing my story, I'm okay with it. If someone comes up behind me on the bus and pats me on the shoulder to tell me I'm brave. I get sorely tempted to punch someone
"Well you know.. He was certainly looking down on you" or "I'll be praying for your recovery" are two of my top hatred ones given I'm an atheist, and I respect my doctors' hard work.
Another is: "So are you better now?" with the implication that I'm healed completely 10 years later.
Eh-heh.. no.. I lost a shoulder blade and the majority of muscle in my shoulder and back.. No, I'm not better now. I'm coping well and I'm loving my life, sure. But I'm not 'getting better'.
I believe in the power of prayer for healing and have a multitude of concerned friends praying for my "recovery". I lost my left foot/lower leg to osteomyletis in October and my surgeon has already released me before Thanksgiving to weight bearing status to get fitted for a prosthetic. Medical staff, PT and caregivers have all expressed amazement that I have healed so rapidly. I attribute it to the love, concern and prayers from friends.
I have MS, and after we changed my disease modifying treatment (DMT) a lot of people, including my own wonderful mom, asked after a few months, "So are you better yet?" My stock answer became "Nope, because no one has developed a treatment to repair the damaged to my spinal cord from the ravaged myelin. The DMT is only to slow down the progression."
I am a non believer and tell people "Old Nick is taking me one bit at a time".
@ MIKEAUST who is Old Nick?
@@lorriefinley3129 Yet another word for the devil basically.
The thing about this is. I struggle to do anything daily with all my limbs. I’ve had bad bouts of depression where I can’t even take care of my own basic needs.
I can say honestly, you’re stronger than I am. Mentally and physically tbh.
I love your content for so many reasons. You’re inspiring me to try again with so many things in my life. Take things as they come and appreciate that could be ripped from me suddenly.
You’re honestly helping me to put more effort into my life. So thank you, for being yourself Jo. For being so positive even with everything that has happened. Thank you. ❤
In the "I forget you're even disabled," there's another way to take it, which is similar to how I think of friends that I forget are different from me in some way (sex, country of birth, accent, etc): it's that I know that person so well, the essence of them no longer falls into these broad labels when I think of them. So in your case when I think of your channel, I think of YOUR identity first, and theeeen maybe if you bring it up I'll remember you fall into societal categories like "disabled" "amputee" "blond hair" "Coloradan" etc.
In highschool there was a girl who was complaining that she didn't have anything to do after school and I'm like "hey, you can come to the knitting club with me" 100% forgetting that she was an amputee and had one arm that stopped just below the elbow. And knitting takes two hands.
Whoops
Yeah, I had a friend lots of years ago, who was in a wheelchair his entire life. Once when I was in our capitol, I believed I saw him a bit away from me on the streets. Untill I realized the person resembling my friend was walking... Of course I didn’t devalue the fact he was disabled, but this stranger on the street strongly resembled my friend other ways, and in that split second him being unable to walk, was not in my concience. My experience with this was his adventurous personality stood out more than his disability. The disability was of course a big part of him as well, but not all.
I can relate to this. My wife is Deaf, and sometimes when she's gone for a week on a work trip, the next time I see her I'll forget for just a moment that I need to sign with her. I don't think of her as my Deaf wife. I think of her as my dear wife.
I just found your channel am hour or so ago and yes you are inspirational. Not because of anything about your leg. It's the confidence and it comes across that we, not just you, but any of us can do anything. That confidence is you, not any disability or anything you are missing. We all have something that can hold us back. And I have a feeling you have been pretty confident or at least able to appear that way for a long time if not always.
I like that you're cool with people asking questions like how did you lose your leg or how do you drive/run/whatever else. Most people aren't going around devoting a lot of their attention to how disabilities can be and are accommodated by society so I imagine for most it not only is a genuine "I've never thought about this before and now I want to know how it works," that hopefully will open their eyes a bit and help them be more understanding in instances where people aren't being accommodated.
My thoughts exactly!
I despise both "everything happens for a reason" and "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". Like what freaking reason do you think causes me to be in pain EVERY FREAKING DAY FOR SEVERAL YEARS??? I have a chronic intractable migraine that varies in severity but has never stopped for over 3.5 years. My pain level ranges from "If I keep myself busy I can kind of ignore it" to "OMFG I'm gonna die" and being unable to even remember my own birthday or last name. The stigma around migraine doesn't help "Oh, you just have a *headache*? Get over it". Yeah a migraine is "just a little headache" like cardiac arrest is "just a little chest pain".
On the "I forgot you were disabled" one, my mom screamed at me that she was disabled as well yesterday after shoving me to the floor(she's not, but she does have dementia).
The "Why?", was my mom's answer to the deputy telling her that it's against the law to assault a disabled person, even if they're your grown child.
Oh my gosh, that's horrible.
Did she scream at you and shove you because she forgot you were disabled or is she just a bad mom and/or person because she also asked why is shoving someone against the law?
It's against the law to assault a person whether they are disaled or not.
Dementia is definetly a disability. it's a terrible thing, and is a handkneecap that isn't physical, but its effect is just as valid as if you had lost a limb.
Dementia is legally considered a disability just so you know.
What you said about getting the door for me personally I have no problem with that and that's because even before life with disabilities I was always the one to hold the door for others and even now if I'm having a better day. I had a lady the other day who taught her young son (probably about 3yrs old) to push the button to help hold the door for me. He was so proud to be a gentleman and get the door which I thanked him and his mom for teaching her son to be a gentleman. Yes I could've pushed the button myself but it's the thought and that she was teaching her son manners and that I'm all for in this world
When I first lost my toes a year ago, the standard answer from me was "shark bite swimming in the gulf." Amazing the looks from adults as they decided if I was being truthful. Now that it's moved up to a BK, before I even get a hello from some people, they nod at the iWalk and just say (in that all knowing voice)... diabetes. I haent gotten a lot of these yet, but lve noticed the older the person, the more uncomfortable and weirded out they are around me. I walk through our fav restaurant and have had the older set avert their eyes instead of saying hi. Honest, limb loss isn't contagious.
Yes it is. I am having my feet amputated simply because I read this comment, tee hee hee.
@@flowerpetals1396 that was kinda rude
@@nillawafabutblack5604 It was a joke. No rudeness intended.
aauauauauau hecking!!!! even if it *was* diabetes im not certain that you can control that! makes me mad. my older cousin was an amputee from diabetes (at least thats what i heard) and my family talked shit about her and im just so every negative emotion. why would you say this? why would you be so mean she can't do anything about it she's trying her best why arent you supporting her why are you saying this about her??? ...come to think of it she also owned horses so maybe it was some horse accident and my dad was lying to me. my family doesn't think about anything they say or do they're always overstepping boundaries and their apologies mean nothing because they just do it again. augh
Next time someone asks you if they can try on your prosthetic say, " Sure, hand me the bone-saw and we'll get to work." 🤯🤯
Oh my god, a guy i met once with a missing leg due to hereditary issue told a story about how once a dude followed him into a store and then thanked him for his service 😭
My kids ask me questions when they see someone with an amputation and I tell them I don't know what happened and there are many reasons why someone could have had an amputation done. I remember being extremely curious about the people I saw without a limb and I try to make sure my kids ask me questions that seem decent and not come across as rude or anything so that if or when my kids have enough curiosity to actually talk to someone with an amputation they will be polite while being curious and wanting to know someone's story. They ask some good questions to me and I want to always encourage them to be curious and ask polite questions when they are ready to talk to a stranger. I love the info and your thought process that you shared. It will help me guide myself and my kids to being polite and hopefully not make anyone mad if we want to ask questions. Thank you Jo and everyone in the comments for sharing your good and bad and the reasons behind them.
The lipstick looks great!
I have learning disabilities and I get "it doesn't really effect you though" so much. That would definitely be in my Thanks for ruinning my day tier
Yo fellow KSP enjoyer?
Yooo same, I have dyspraxia and autism so I get to deal with memory problems, face blindness, sensory issues and general clumsiness to the point that I find it difficult to simply walk. Then I get told that I'm "fine" or that I've "overcome the problem" like no. I'm still mentally ill, believe it or not
When my girlfriend lived in a place where her landlord's family stayed in the above section, she had the privilage of having 2 tiny housemates ( ages 6 and 8, respectively). One day I walked out into the communal laundry room shirtless and they saw all my open heart surgery and pacemaker scars. Needless to say, they asked every question from " Is your doctor Frankie-Sign?" to " Didja get to see your guts when they opened you up to change your batteries and wires?". I got a kick out of it and told them " Nah. Neither my cardiologist or device specialist are named Frankenstein, but I think they did learn from him." and " Sorry guys, they knocked me out when they opened me up, so I didnt get to see my own guts... but there's probibly video footage of the surgery somewhere in the hospital files...". Needless to say they were hilarious and fantastic. XD
I absolutely love your videos. While my disability isn't visible, I get rude comments all the time and can totally relate to so many of these comments. I think my least favorite is when someone says something along the lines of "but you couldn't do that yesterday!" Just like everyone else I have good days and bad days. Yesterday may have been a bad day so I couldn't lift something (or whatever) but today might be a good day where doing that activity is completely in the realm of possibility. Something I have to contend with regularly is "but you don't LOOK disabled!", as if the only "real" disabilities are the ones you can see. Lastly, I once had a shitty manager that flat out told me "If it were up to me we wouldn't even hire people with disabilities" because I needed an accommodation to do the job. He had the attitude of "if you can't do the job the same way as everyone else then you can't do the job at all." While the ADA was supposed to end that sort of discrimination, it still exists. And it sucks spending so much energy proving that just because I have to do a job differently from others doesn't mean I can't do it or do it well. I once heard a saying, "Imagine what disabled people could do if they didn't have to spend time fighting for resources or justifying their existence." I don't recall who said it but it's stuck with me. I get that my disability means I'll never be a firefighter or in some other physically demanding profession. But that doesn't mean I can't work and do most jobs well. There's so much variance in disability and limitations caused by it that every single disabled person is different. I think the ADA recognizes that but society still has a ways to go.
I've attempted suicide multiple times; im not an amputee, but i am enraged by that last one. It is incredibly frustrating that people will just casually say such disgusting things, and, especially for me, specifically about suicide. It's demeaning and trivializing. Treating suicide like a cop out when it very much is not.
And i hate that people will encourage disabled people to commit it. Its just plain old mean and terrible. It shows how little value people have to them.
cant wrap my head around how these people actually think its acceptable to suggest that you should game end yourself for something as simple as losing a limb
How are you now?
“What didn’t kill you made you stronger”
I was a kid. I didn’t need to be strong I needed to be safe.
I also really hate about the phrase ‘you’re still pretty though’ that it implies I need to be pretty to be allowed to exist for some reason? (different disability, mostly the same statements though)
Also why would anyone think that your leg makes you pretty? You got a foot fetish or something?
As a non-visible disabled person, probably the most annoying thing people say is, "oh, you don't seem autistic." I have a learning disability, and I'm autistic; people like to compare me to Rain Man, and it gets old. I won't count your toothpicks.
I also dislike when people say, "I'm so sorry you're autistic." or assume I'm stupid. In school, teachers would know of my special needs. Usually, they would talk really slow to me and treat me like a baby. This was humiliating. My disability is visible when I flap my hands or wear my noise-cancelling headphones, people do stare, but I don't really care.
My own sister forgets I'm an amputee. This also applies to the "you're so inspirational" one as well.
I think this one is more, people expect a missing limb to be much more limiting than it actually is, so when they see you doing things that they think amputees can't do, it makes them forget you are, in fact an amputee.
It's ignorance, but it is understandable ignorance. Until you deal with having a missing limb, personally, every day, you really can't know how limiting it really isn't.
This last year with mask mandates has been very hard for me, being hearing impaired. The mask muffles the voice and blocks lip reading.
You know, I never thought about how that would affect a hearing impaired person. I'm sorry.
My response to that last one would be "Good thing I am not you." I am not an amputee but as a person with a disability I heard a lot of this stuff as well.
I have to say that you do inspire me. I'm a recent amputee d/t cancer. I was in a very dark place for a while prior to my surgery. My kids saw that I was not myself so they started searching up videos on RUclips and they came upon your channel. I'm single and I live in a place where I have no help from family. I disconnected myself from my friends. I was pretty much discharged on my own. It was a struggle. I watch your videos constantly. I really felt that it was pretty much the end of the world when I lost my leg. Thanks for putting yourself out there. It really helped me
My aunt is in a wheelchair with legs that no longer work. She uses a sewing machine by "stearing" with one hand and controlling the speed with the other. She was talking about sharing the machine with her sisters and they used the pedal 'WITH THEIR FEED!" (said in a huff like how dare they) I replied that I was sorry because it had not occurred to me how exactly she used her featherweight machine. She lives far away and had posted beautiful quilts on the family website. She explained that she was very happy that the fact that she is in the wheelchair was not the first thing I thought when I think of her. It is all perspective. I thought I should have thought of it or I was insensitive. Turnes out for her that is not the case.
I love how you are so understanding! I know from experience that trauma can make people sensitive about some or all topics related to their trauma. You are so sweet for still taking the time and energy to think about how others may feel too.
Everything happens for a reason pisses me off soooooo much. I’m disabled/chronically ill and I’m like yeahhhh....if I could choose to get my 20’s and my university experience back I would pick that. Yup. I can find the positives but I would still find not being disabled more positive. 🙃
"can I touch it?" I've had this question SO MUCH. Granted, I'm missing the tip of my middle finger, not my leg so the situation is slightly different but I always found it humorous when they ask, and generally if they're polite and I know them, I let them go for it
I have gotten that and it is always awkward. Generally it is someone who spoke before thinking. A humorous response used to be "I'll let you touch mine if I can touch yours." Not so much now.
I've always struggled with the "You're an inspiration" comment. It comes from a kind place! It just feels like I'm an object under a glass case in a museum. I'm not a person, but an illness and a disability. I think you hit it on the head when you called it objectifying. Again, they mean well, but it can feel very isolating.
I hate the "you're and inspiration" as well. I feel like people don't see me for who I am they just see me as what I have gone through. I also hate it because they don't see all of what I feel. They think that I am ok because I am up and around and seem happy, when in reality I am in pain and angry and depressed.
@@anjelicatorres9118 Yeah I feel that so much! I fake that smile because I don’t think they could handle the truth of what I’m struggling with. Or they don’t want to hear it because it spoils the illusion. It’s so isolating.
As an able bodied person, I think the context matters. I'd describe Jo as inspirational. Not because she's an amputee but because she's a person who has a unique experience and challenges who has created a platform to educate and increase understanding. A video like this is easy enough (or relatively) but sharing a video of her experiencing phantom pain? That's a level of vulnerability that takes a ton of strength to be willing to put out in the world. That's inspirational.
People just want to be nice
Tbh I actually like being told that. I did go through shit because of my disability, thanks for the acknowledgment.
jo, youre inspirational because of WHO YOU ARE, not your lack of foot. i find that watching your videos makes me feel like my disability isnt the end of the world because theres other people who are disabled. i know that sound stupid but when you never see anyone else and we are all hidden from society and shamed it gets scary. that you for inspiring me to live to the fulllest. youre absolutely awesome.
Absolutely hate the "You're still pretty though." I always get that one.
Jo, you help me feel less alone. Thanks for that!
I have many friends that are POC that get that all the time too. "You're so pretty for a Black girl" sort of thing. In any context- race, disability, etc that is just a rude, disrespectful, backhanded comment. It seems that people who say that have a very limited definition of beauty, which is sad.
You should respond with "It's amazing you can recognize someone is 'pretty' when you're personality is so ugly"
@@smm855 I like that!! 😂
I feel like "Thank you for your service" should definitely be in the "that was ignorant" category. I don't understand how people are so ignorant! :D
1. LOVE this video! So good to see your perspective and to get to understand why you react the way you do.
2. Just to give another perspective on one of the comments - "You're so inspirational" doesn't have to be about you just missing a leg. I know I have commented it to you, and I (at least, as I can't speak for others) didn't at all relate it to your missing limb, but rather the way you talk about trauma, and your educational way of highlighting different experiences, and your way of always making sure to inform your viewers that everyone will react differently to the same situations and that that is okay. Simply you are an inspiration to me in your way of dealing with your experiences in life and in how you choose to use that to help others! :D
ugh, that last one! i was born disabled and have struggled with suicidal ideation since my pre-teens. hearing that just feels like confirmation of the thoughts i work so hard to fight against.
My friend has kids come up to her all the time about her amputated arm. When this one kid Asked what happened while I was there this is how it goes....
Kid: *Gasp* YOUR ARM IS GONE!!!
My Friend: *WHATTTT?! OH MY GOSH IT IS!!!!*
Me: Dying on the floor
Parents: I am so sorry *Collin get over here now*
but with kids it's different, they don't mean to be arseholes they just don't know
@@overgrownkudzu yea, we know. We were just joking around. Then she went up to the kid and explained what happened and let’s the kid feel her shoulder where it would have been.
Rocking the red! Love it!
11:17 When the guard sees you for no reason
As someone who has quadriplegia, I've had all of these (just replace loss of limb with inability to walk and do many things without considerable assistance and the statements / questions around prosthetics with statements / questions about my wheelchair) at one point or another over the past couple of decades and all I can say Jo is that you are far more charitable around considering other people's intentions than I am. Far more of my responses to those very similar questions and statements that you listed end up in my "No, just no", "Well 🤬 wasn't that ignorant" or "thanks alot for ruining my day" than they do for you.
I grew up with a dad who was paralyzed from the neck down due to a cliff diving accident. He used a motorized wheelchair to get around and interactions with strangers was always an adventure.
The best interaction was when a child asked his dad, "What happened to that man?" and the dad responded, "I don't know why don't we ask him?" The man then approached my father and asked, "Would you mind if we asked about your wheelchair? My son was curious about why you need it."
The worst interaction was when my dad was navigating his chair through a crowd of people. A stranger came up and without asking tried to drive my dad's wheelchair for him. It did not go well. I get that he was trying to help, but...yeah, don't do that.
The weirdest interaction was when a stranger came up, patted my dad on the shoulder and yelled, " SURE LOVE YA BUD!" My dad and I both had to laugh about that one.
"Do you know _____? they're a Canadian too!"
I get that one a lot. Weird to be a foreigner sometimes.
A buddy of mine in high school was either born without legs or had them amputated shortly after birth. His response to "How'd you lose your legs?" was usually "Vietnam", "Korea", or "Germany". If it got quiet during lunch, he'd break the silence with "Anyone wanna play soccer after this?" or "AGH, who keeps kicking me?". Dude was hilarious