This was a heavy one. A heavy, sad, yet beautiful and hopeful one. To all of you out there who may have thought about it, prepared for it or even attempted it, or ever come to a place where any of the above occurr: it's a good thing you're here, and you can be proud to be here. If the world knew of the concertos you're writing, the cute tiny animals you're crocheting, the unusual pictures you're taking, the haikus you're writing, the detail you put into cleaning your spoon after use, the speed in which you can get a fire extinguisher or a first aid kit in case of an emergency because you know exactly where everything is placed, the way you find an error because you just see at first glance where a pattern is broken, the beauty in the shadows of the trees you're the only one watching, the trains of thought you're having, the way you see the world, the world would agree you belong here, and you can be proud of yourself. Please stay for another while.
I also want to thank Ben for asking questions that some might find difficult or uncomfortable, but that create a space for us, as grievers, to talk about our loved ones. I can count on one hand the number of people who ask about my dad or the day he died. Not everyone is able or willing to listen and bear witness to someone else’s pain, so these questions are often avoided. It’s so important to normalize conversations about our feelings in this pain-averse culture, as so many are suffering and don’t know how to express it or how to make sense of certain situations. Sometimes, just having someone hold space for an unfiltered, honest conversation about what hurts is all you need.
Thank you, Jonathan, for sharing Caitlyn's story with us and raising awareness of such an important topic. As the eldest of four daughters, I admire Caitlyn's strength in asking for help at such a young age, as it’s something I still struggle with, even to this day. Thank you as well, for your vulnerability in discussing your journey through grief. Your bond with Caitlyn reminded me of the bond I had with my dad, as we also shared a late ADHD diagnosis. Sadly, I lost him to covid in 2020, so I can relate to your loss but from a different perspective. I had a similar experience in realizing that death required me to deal with the practical things first even though it was the last thing that I wanted to do. I tear up thinking of the Father-daughter moments we won't have, even hearing little girls call for their dads stings a little, as "dad" is a word I no longer use in my day to day. However one thing that always warms my heart is witnessing loving fathers with their daughters, as I see glimpses of the way my dad loved my sisters and me. I saw that today in this episode-in you and Ben. The way you talk about Caitlyn and those pictures are a testament of your love for her. Lastly, Thank you Caitlyn for that concerto it has been a majestic way of knowing a little of your beautiful soul ❤✨
A heart breaking story. And incredibly relatable. Especially the part of how much rational clarity there is, yet how much emotion does indeed well up from within. It's visible and feel-able (to me, as an empath). I's very important that we talk about this topic and also are very clear on there being different presentations. And people not wanting to stick around in a very harsh and abusive world often being quite sane, contrary to the much repeated portrayal that it always is associated with "lack of sanity". No. Sometimes people merely are good at seeing what hurdles await them and not seeing ourselves jumping through all the hoops. And the more intersectionality there is for an individual, the higher the chances, that their many hurdles are stacking and quite invisible for many people around them. People suffer a selection bias when it comes to death. We are likely to only hear of those who survived attempts and also find ways to thrive. But the voices of those who did not survive, are lost. Those who are locked into survival still and are miserable, are unlikely to speak up and be heard in public. It's rough here. And only many many people slowing down and actively and repeatedly choosing kindness with each other, will make any of this better. There are things that you can no longer experience with Caitlyn. Now her hugs to her sisters must come through you and your partner. And her hugs for you and your partner, can come through her sisters. And your journey to raise awareness, will likely bring the message of kindness and caring approach to many more people. Thank you for sharing your stories, to both of you.
This episode was heartbreaking and so warm at the same time. Huge thanks to Jonathan for sharing his and his daughters story, you have no idea what an impact that will make ❤
The internal drive for perfection within autistics is so hard to deal with. I've been convering for someone else for a few weeks at work and their role is really complicated and I make a lot of mistakes and it's made me so dysregulated I've been having to spend my evenings soothing myself and I've cried at work a few times because of it. I've been told by a few people that this role is hard and that even the experienced people make mistakes all of the time and that it's ok. But I can't get myself to feel ok about making mistakes. It's affecting my self esteem so badly right now. Thankfully I only have one more week of coverage and then I can go back to feeling more competent in my own role.
This was a heavy one. A heavy, sad, yet beautiful and hopeful one. To all of you out there who may have thought about it, prepared for it or even attempted it, or ever come to a place where any of the above occurr: it's a good thing you're here, and you can be proud to be here. If the world knew of the concertos you're writing, the cute tiny animals you're crocheting, the unusual pictures you're taking, the haikus you're writing, the detail you put into cleaning your spoon after use, the speed in which you can get a fire extinguisher or a first aid kit in case of an emergency because you know exactly where everything is placed, the way you find an error because you just see at first glance where a pattern is broken, the beauty in the shadows of the trees you're the only one watching, the trains of thought you're having, the way you see the world, the world would agree you belong here, and you can be proud of yourself. Please stay for another while.
I also want to thank Ben for asking questions that some might find difficult or uncomfortable, but that create a space for us, as grievers, to talk about our loved ones. I can count on one hand the number of people who ask about my dad or the day he died. Not everyone is able or willing to listen and bear witness to someone else’s pain, so these questions are often avoided. It’s so important to normalize conversations about our feelings in this pain-averse culture, as so many are suffering and don’t know how to express it or how to make sense of certain situations. Sometimes, just having someone hold space for an unfiltered, honest conversation about what hurts is all you need.
Thank you, Jonathan, for sharing Caitlyn's story with us and raising awareness of such an important topic. As the eldest of four daughters, I admire Caitlyn's strength in asking for help at such a young age, as it’s something I still struggle with, even to this day.
Thank you as well, for your vulnerability in discussing your journey through grief. Your bond with Caitlyn reminded me of the bond I had with my dad, as we also shared a late ADHD diagnosis. Sadly, I lost him to covid in 2020, so I can relate to your loss but from a different perspective. I had a similar experience in realizing that death required me to deal with the practical things first even though it was the last thing that I wanted to do. I tear up thinking of the Father-daughter moments we won't have, even hearing little girls call for their dads stings a little, as "dad" is a word I no longer use in my day to day.
However one thing that always warms my heart is witnessing loving fathers with their daughters, as I see glimpses of the way my dad loved my sisters and me. I saw that today in this episode-in you and Ben. The way you talk about Caitlyn and those pictures are a testament of your love for her.
Lastly, Thank you Caitlyn for that concerto it has been a majestic way of knowing a little of your beautiful soul ❤✨
A heart breaking story. And incredibly relatable. Especially the part of how much rational clarity there is, yet how much emotion does indeed well up from within. It's visible and feel-able (to me, as an empath).
I's very important that we talk about this topic and also are very clear on there being different presentations. And people not wanting to stick around in a very harsh and abusive world often being quite sane, contrary to the much repeated portrayal that it always is associated with "lack of sanity". No. Sometimes people merely are good at seeing what hurdles await them and not seeing ourselves jumping through all the hoops.
And the more intersectionality there is for an individual, the higher the chances, that their many hurdles are stacking and quite invisible for many people around them.
People suffer a selection bias when it comes to death. We are likely to only hear of those who survived attempts and also find ways to thrive. But the voices of those who did not survive, are lost. Those who are locked into survival still and are miserable, are unlikely to speak up and be heard in public.
It's rough here. And only many many people slowing down and actively and repeatedly choosing kindness with each other, will make any of this better.
There are things that you can no longer experience with Caitlyn. Now her hugs to her sisters must come through you and your partner. And her hugs for you and your partner, can come through her sisters. And your journey to raise awareness, will likely bring the message of kindness and caring approach to many more people. Thank you for sharing your stories, to both of you.
This episode was heartbreaking and so warm at the same time. Huge thanks to Jonathan for sharing his and his daughters story, you have no idea what an impact that will make ❤
The internal drive for perfection within autistics is so hard to deal with. I've been convering for someone else for a few weeks at work and their role is really complicated and I make a lot of mistakes and it's made me so dysregulated I've been having to spend my evenings soothing myself and I've cried at work a few times because of it. I've been told by a few people that this role is hard and that even the experienced people make mistakes all of the time and that it's ok. But I can't get myself to feel ok about making mistakes. It's affecting my self esteem so badly right now. Thankfully I only have one more week of coverage and then I can go back to feeling more competent in my own role.
The music piece is very beautiful and touching
thank you ❤
💔♥️
Damn