Without knowing you more it sounds like you could have bipolar. The risky behaviors like gambling, drinking, and investing seem typical. Expecially the inability to stop in the moment and the shame or guilt that comes along with it afterwards. Reminds me some of the memoir book “Electroboy by Andy Behrman.” Where he engaged in a little art fraud and later got diagnosed as bipolar. You might have been using alcohol to self medicate through the years. Lots of people in music seem to have bipolar. Some people have hypomania which is like bipolar-lite, and dont get diagnosed as much because those people dont have a full blown manic episode. And many people ignore or avoid diagnosis cause of the shame of it. Which just ends up hurting them. But all this is just speculation from the stories you’ve talked about in the videos. The other self you describe sound like the alcohol was causing depersonalization during a manic epsiode. Where you can sort of see or experience yourself from the outside/third person but are unable to prevent yourself from engaging in the risky behaviors as they are occuring. Sounds very frustrating/upsetting to go through.
@@mattheww797 All very interesting and you may well be correct in a lot of ways. I am glad to have at least a bit more wisdom with age and experience than I did while all this was going on. Thank you for your comment.
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Out of the fog and into clear remorse with life ahead. Happy trails ! Peace
@@scottchissus8364 Indeed!
Without knowing you more it sounds like you could have bipolar. The risky behaviors like gambling, drinking, and investing seem typical. Expecially the inability to stop in the moment and the shame or guilt that comes along with it afterwards. Reminds me some of the memoir book “Electroboy by Andy Behrman.” Where he engaged in a little art fraud and later got diagnosed as bipolar. You might have been using alcohol to self medicate through the years. Lots of people in music seem to have bipolar. Some people have hypomania which is like bipolar-lite, and dont get diagnosed as much because those people dont have a full blown manic episode. And many people ignore or avoid diagnosis cause of the shame of it. Which just ends up hurting them. But all this is just speculation from the stories you’ve talked about in the videos. The other self you describe sound like the alcohol was causing depersonalization during a manic epsiode. Where you can sort of see or experience yourself from the outside/third person but are unable to prevent yourself from engaging in the risky behaviors as they are occuring. Sounds very frustrating/upsetting to go through.
@@mattheww797 All very interesting and you may well be correct in a lot of ways. I am glad to have at least a bit more wisdom with age and experience than I did while all this was going on. Thank you for your comment.