Shattering the silence and shame of Child sexual abuse | Pennie Saum | TEDxBeaconStreet
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- Опубликовано: 30 апр 2021
- NOTE FROM TED: This talk contains a discussion of child sexual abuse. Some viewers may find elements of this talk to be distressing. TEDx events are independently organized by volunteers. The guidelines we give TEDx organizers are described in more detail here: storage.ted.com/tedx/manuals/t...
Child sexual abuse thrives in shame and silence. As a survivor of child sexual abuse, Pennie Saum shares her journey through four ways of speaking out and being loud.
Childhood trauma doesn’t have to control victims lives forever, they are survivors and can have the life they dream of by breaking the silence. children, sexual assault, military, public health, childhood, self improvement Pennie Saum is an author, speaker, advocate, law changer, and voice seeker who has dedicated her life to help victims use their voice to move through trauma and grief. She has a passion for helping child sexual abuse victims become thrivers. Pennie is the founder of the Brave and Unbroken Project committed to helping victims in healing, education, advocacy and resilience.
Pennie fights for adult survivors and children of sexual abuse from military soldiers and was instrumental in the passing of the Child Abuse Accountability Enhancement Act, eliminating the protection of military retirees pension, when child sexual abuse has been prosecuted and a judgement has been awarded. The CAAEA was signed into law 12/2017. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
i’m grateful beyond words that I’m not alone and understood as a survivor
Thank you!💞You are definitely not alone.
No, you are not alone. One of the gifts that being a survivor has given me is the awareness that helping others helps our own healing, too.
We are a community.once your voice is unleashed...it will continue to get louder and more frequent.
@@braveandunbroken4093 Well said. We define who we are. Let the inner child lead you.
We all deserve to heal from victim, to survivor, to thriver!
When a parent abuses you and no one believes you it hurts different
Yeah
I believe you 🥺 I totally understand. I'm in the process of opening the flood gates now & I'm fully prepared for my "family" to call me a liar.
Luckily my cousin spoke out 10 years ago, so I can just confirm her story. She was so brave to speak out. I've never talked to her directly about it, we just all pretended it didn't happen after a while. We continued hanging out, thankfully she didn't blame me bc it was my own father that did it.
I'm going to contact her soon & cosign her story. Tell her I believe her bc the same thing happened to me & my sister. I'm going to thank her for having the courage.
Even though we're the victims, "family" blames us! They're sick, not us! & they need help, not us! I believe you & support you. ❤🙏🏻
That adds to a second layer of betrayal and trauma
To all survivors-you’re stronger than you think and certainly stronger than any abusers. May God bless you all
Thank you for speaking up about this awful trauma. I, too, was tormented by an abusive, alcoholic predator of a father. I still live with the damage. It affects every part of my life, even decades after the abuse took place. Stay strong, Pennie. Keep sharing.
It is definitely something that we carry with us - when we can unleash our voice, it starts the journey of healing. You aren't alone.
This really helps me to understand what my daughter went through with my husband (now exhusband) She has so many problems now. The destruction they cause then move on as if they did nothing. He abused me to control and manipulate me. I believe he was afraid this would come out. I am still dealing with his control/manipulation I have a voice and will speak! This video has helped me so much! Need more awareness!!!!
I was abused like your daughter please if you haven’t already please put her in therapy and talk about what happened with her. If she is comfortable with it. I also recommend the book the courage to heal for you
@@slaonestephens7575 you are sweet thank you! ❤💙💜
Yes my daughter is in therapy with 2 different doctors and I am very thankful for them! They have been with her every step of the way. If it was not for the doctors she would not have ever been able to tell me.
Was your case also from a stepfather as hers? Also were you manipulated to fear as she was and still is?
I guess part of healing is breaking your silence and realizing it was not your fault. She was very young and didn't know what was going on.
@@margaretdavis2719 in my case It wasn’t my stepfather but a close family friend that threatened me not to tell. So I was very fearful to tell anybody and of course I was very ashamed and blamed myself for it. The hardest part was truly breaking my silence and facing it. While it may be very hard to do that it will get better in time. My case was similar to your daughter i was able to tell my parents after going to therapy and I was very young and just felt so helpless.
@@slaonestephens7575 Yes Courage to Heal is a great book, and there are others :) Therapy - a must! Check out Brave and Unbroken Facebook page for some "Writing to Heal" events coming up as well.
@@margaretdavis2719 When the family system experiences such devastating (and repeated?) shocks to perhaps once trusting relationships, engaging in family therapy is a useful and nonjudgmental vehicle for not only addressing the pain but also, possibly, in building a new foundation. You see, since CSA does not take place in a vacuum (it takes place in families, neighborhoods, communities, etc) so too the healing should therefore also have a collaborative element (as well as an individual one). Are families that never learn to create new foundations that both nonjudgmental validate the pain of the survivor(s) and fail to create authentic and new trusting relationships really loving families? Healing takes collaboration and it is not merely between the therapist and the survivor.
I don't know how to deal with the anger that came from it. 14 years of it, I escaped 2.5 years ago and I'm so angry. At myself and everyone around me. I don't want to be angry, I just want to feel safe for once
Stay strong ❤️ If you feel anger try gently to let it out doing something, it can be drawing, running, screaming out loud and let the energy come out, it can be writing, meditation, talking to someone you trust
Faith, thank you for commenting, its so very difficult. Journaling and breathing exercises really worked for me. Also a PTSD question sheet to help me keep things in reality, rather than a racing brain.
I felt lonely... But I am not alone in this... Thank you for explaining everything... Hope I can connect with you. I am getting therapy but I said it all loud and no one believed me. I felt I am shouting on the top of my lungs and surrounded by people and no one is listening to me...
You are not alone. I will email you back for sure.
Trust me someone will listen, Someone will understand you. Stay strong
+💝+🌅+\mXm/+🌄+💝+
We do believe you my friend . They are not the world the ones who disbelieved you are the minority of the minority ...of the minority.
I was abuse many times....I was only 5 to 13 years old😔.....I feel I didn't loud my self hear😔....now I'm 45....wish he well pay😔....God is my only hope and trust♥️
You aren't alone, there are so many of us you have no idea how many. Please continue to connect and breathe and connect with other survivors.
To the survivors out there, those who are free and those still in harm's way, protect your self, stay safe, find allies (they exist!), learn about resources, remind yourself that you are not responsible for the abuse and that the abuse never did, never will and does not define you. You and only you defines you, and that true self would never want anything but wellness for you.
Wish It wasn't happen coz the feeling of loss never go away but it says everything has a reason God knows
Thank you
@@JT0007 There are balanced and well people out there. Believe it. Work to be one of them, to put light on darkness and to pass it on to others until all children everywhere are safe.
@@frankstared I have 3 years to take legal action vs my abuser, older bro. If I “let go” and forgive him that would mean I don’t take him to court. And I never get my chance to face my attacker. So I’ve forgave him as much as I can while still building the courage to face the monster. Truth be told it’ll be a good thing that day that there are people between us, because 5 mins alone with him is all I need. I’m not saying I’d end him but I’d definitely give him a taste of his own medicine.
@@JT0007 I would never, ever advocate violence because I have seen first hand how it only creates more pain and always impedes healing. We can use our experiences to inform our healing and we do so by cultivating our own wellness. We must tend to and nurture the wounded child within, not give our oppressors more of our energy or even attention. I have found things such as exercise, writing, therapy, peer support, meditation, yoga, body sensing, EMDR, CBT, DBT, and a whole range of positive and wellness-based activities to have helped me not only get out the history of my abuse as embedded in my own body but critically to embrace a way of being where I can finally exercise self-care that was denied to me for far too long. One last point: when you have attained a degree of healing, integration and wellness, consider volunteering with those who have experienced such abuse. I have found that it, however difficult at times, opens to the door to a meaningful life.
Thank u. I was abused by a young child girl when we were girls. 9 or 10. I had no voice. So I started trying to manipulate my environment. I am owning my truth. I had loving parents but none that I knew would hear me. Our rule was no problems no talking.
Hope you’ve tried therapy?, I’m sorry to hear no one listened to you but their are beautiful people out there that can literally unravel everything for you and take a huge weight off your shoulders. Your gonna do great don’t let it hurt your emotions any longer, use it as armour❤️
I am shocked of her courage and boldness.
Thank you.
My family said I lied and that I was mentally unstable. I tried to speak out but got zero support
I wish stories like ours were less common.
Thank you Pennie. Your courage gives me strength to speak out.
When we unleash our voices, other survivors feel the pull to unleash theirs and shatter the silence. Thank you for listening.
you are so brave and kind to other victims.
Thank you Pennie, you're a SURVIVOR. you're BEAUTIFUL!
The biggest message I heard here, was FIND SOMEONE YOU TRUST.
When you tell that person and let the words fall out, that person will mind you. .I was older in my situations so it doesn't feel the same.
I cannot imagine how horrifying to have a father figure abuse you. and all the lies and responsibilities that go with that. If you tell, you are not breaking up a good family..you're actually setting that fake family free.
You aren't alone. Know that please. Even if older - start somewhere. People do care.
@@braveandunbrokenproject3167 🥺 thank you pennie
You are such a powerful speaker. Keep speaking the truth.
I cant believe how brave this women is!!!
i can't stop crying in this moment. it is scary
Thank you for watching you aren't alone.
Indeed have no mercy towards monsters like him.
Life sentence in prison for abusers!
You are a courageous and beautiful young woman. Thank you for sharing your story, as horrific as it is. You will help tons of young people to speak out. Love yourself and love life!
I’m trying to gather my courage to be strong and loud.
You beautiful ,strong and fantastic human!! You are showing others that being loud matters. its is their sickness not your as long as you fight against it taking over yourlife!
Thank you for your kind words~~
Wish I could give you a hug and say sorry for what you been through. Very happy you have found your voice and spoken out.
Thank you so much for speaking up!
Very powerful! A beacon and inspiration for all survivors. Thank you!
Pennie's bravery is inspiring. Thank you, Pennie.
Thank you for sharing your story!
My tears are screaming thank you for this
TY sooooooo much, words that fly thru the window of ones soul. Ty
Thank you for this, you give me hope
Thank you for sharing your story with us. You are a warrior. Be well.
Pennie Saum is a social justice leader. Her courage is inspiring and she is shedding the darkness that not only that once concealed family CSA but also the pain that is a result of very twisted societal values, i.e., competition, hierarchy, power, materialism, violence, war, etc.
Thank you Frank for your kind words!
@@braveandunbroken4093 You are most welcome. Take care.
Thank you for this.
Thank you for speaking up
Thank you for putting in to words
Thank you for sharing 🙏🏻
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 Great and valuable testimony 💚
You are Amazing, Thank you for your honesty vulnerability !!!
Thankyou for sharing your story.
Girl I feel disgusted with my self I feel lost and confused I even made fake stories I loved him to cope
You brave beautiful person, thank you for your honest
Amen! He was found out!
Thank you for sharing.
Trauma is a normal reaction to an abnormal set of circumstances
Thank you
thank you
Thank you 🙏
I don't know if you Ever gonna check this comment section, in case u ever do
I want to let you know thanks to your courage, your voice and story has been heard all the way from Africa
Thank you
Thank you so much for watching and your comment. I try to read all the comments :) We are lifting the movement of survivors voices to continue to change the world - so that children are safe everywhere!
@@braveandunbrokenproject3167 🎩🎩❤️❤️ much respect and admiration ,
I can't even explain how powerful your story is
After hearing you i spoke about my secret of 20 years
What an inspiring lady!!
Thank you.... I will speak out loud.... Loudly
I am a retired police officer who investigated SA and Rpe the worse was children and getting the victim too speak up get the evidence out. In this mad world,you are a strong womam❤❤
Thanks for sharing.
You are so powerful
It was always easier to blame my mother bc she was so forceful but there was no thing as innocence in my childhood home
Brilliant speech!!
Yuo Are so strong💖💖thank yuo for sharing yuor story
I hear you x
You are brave ,, respect , a lot of respect
Hey
Thank you for creating this video
J F C ...appalling, absolutely appalling. So brave speaking out !!
God bless you 🙏 and all the best in life 💕
🤗I feel for you girl 🤗it hearts to think that there's people out there
Be you do you we all need to talk to someone you trust 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
I want to be this strong. I should be. You are beautiful to me.
Once your voice is unleashed...it will continue to get louder and more frequent. You got this Eric~!
if the first step doesnt work take another step then another
So simple but so inspiring, Thankyou so much❤️
I wish I had seen this video forty years ago
Thank you for watching it now, you aren't alone.
I could open up about this abuse to my family, but i am afraid that this news could broke them.
Did you?
love you pennie
Thank you for this documentary... and I'm so sorry... May your heart heal, may you receive all the kindness and success life has to offer... 💔💔🤕🤕🤕🤕😭😭😭😭
Thank you, Nina Aouilk... 💔💔🤕🤕🤕🤕😭😭😭😭
Thank you, Amy Herdy... 💔💔🤕🤕🤕🤕😭😭😭😭
"I told everyone (about the abuse).. Abuse thrives only in silence. You have the power to end domestic violence simply by shining a spotlight on them. Show abuse the light of day. Recast survivors as wonderful, loveable people with full futures." Thank you, Leslie Morgan Steiner... ❤❤
Thank you, Evelyn Yang... 🎇♥♥🎇
To everyone who's struggling right now, please know that GOD LOVES YOU. He wants to help you and give you peace. Please surrender your burdens to Him and allow Him to move in your life.
"Because he loves Me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges My Name. He will call on Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him." (Psalm 91:14-15)
Please hold on to this bible verse because WHATEVER GOD SAYS, HE FULFILLS. ✝️
I feel bad for her..
i been there i was abused by my mother's ex partners that included my father he did it because i looked like my mother and he wanted to get back at her.
I love her shirt. Be loud. I am learning to be loud, even if it's only a whisper at first.
Thank you! I am so glad that you are releasing your voice! Whisper can get a little louder each time!
@@braveandunbrokenproject3167 thanks! I’m getting louder each day 😁
Sorry about that.
this is my story.....
😢
I love you
I have family where I’m the one of few believing the cousins who were victimized. They made the perfect targets because they were already not liked by the family because of their behavior prior to this knowledge and now they don’t believe them because they didn’t like how they acted out as kids. I refuse to stand idle
We must continue to be LOUD to tell our stories...no matter what.
❤️
💕
😭
God that was hard to hear and watch!
Tell somebody TRIBAL LAW
But I'm scared!!
You aren't alone.
Brave but I want to SCREAM AND SCREAM WISH EVERY I WAS DEAD NO ONE GETS IT NOT EVEN HER
You aren't alone. I can send you some resources.
Cmt đầu tiên 😘😘😘
Omg 🥲
theyr very i destirping
Accuse them anyway
The life sentence talk bothers me.. No less than capital punishment for these monsters.
All abusers need mandatory 24 hour meditation classes
won't be enough
no some just need to be put down.
@@eddiegranberry5276 I agree but meditation first if we kill them the way they are they'll just keep coming back and doing over and over again nonstop
@@skyzar4141 what i mean is not all of them deserve that kind treatment some just need to be put down like larry naser or r kelly.
+💝+🌅+\mXm/+🌄+💝+
A lot of men get falsely accused.
Shut up
You are perpetuating a false statement that gets thrown out there every time someone speaks up.
@@chanellecinnamon6019 More often than not if I make a similar comment, it will get deleted or shadow banned. It seems that "believe the victim" side must be heard and to even suggest that there are falsely accused is silenced.
David, the right place to voice that concern would be when it is a topic. Talking about ot under a video like this is such a typical defensive weird reaction
@Gupster 23 I thought my type of comment would be welcome. Some could tell they are a victim, then point at my comment and then tell how they are a double victim by someone saying that some men actually get falsely accused.
thank you