Why we hold hands: Dr. James Coan at TEDxCharlottesville 2013

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  • Опубликовано: 25 ноя 2024

Комментарии • 124

  • @lioong3433
    @lioong3433 5 лет назад +820

    Ok but the way he talks is so cute and entertaining I don't get why there aren't more people laughing? :( you rock dude

    • @leonorteixeira8039
      @leonorteixeira8039 5 лет назад +31

      I think they were laughing but the sound we hear was only captured by the microphone he was using, so it wasnt really capturing the sounds of the audience (we can only listen to them when they are very loud)

  • @salomeyul
    @salomeyul 5 лет назад +198

    This talk gives a whole new meaning to the time when my dad was dying at the hospital. He had a terminal cancer, I've been told that he would not make it to the night. To make it worse, none of my siblings or my mom were picking up the phone or reading my texts, so I could not ask anyone for support of any kind.
    I was devastated and didn't know what to do, so I just seated close to my dad, who was not able to talk anymore due to his disease. I held his hand between mine, telling him with my eyes how much Ioved him and that it was okay to let go. That I was there for him, to make sure he would not be alone. He lasted less than 2 minutes like that, and passed away in front of me. I know that he found the courage to leave this world only after he felt our hands joined.
    That's how I know what this guy found out is absolutely true.
    Love you dad, you'll always live in my heart

    • @ppegah
      @ppegah 5 лет назад +11

      Mariana you did so well.

    • @salomeyul
      @salomeyul 5 лет назад

      @@ppegah thank you

    • @karlahall25
      @karlahall25 5 лет назад +5

      I am so glad that you had that special moment with your Father. You blessed him

    • @flowerofash4439
      @flowerofash4439 3 года назад +1

      Be grateful, because not everyone had a chance to do something like that

  • @im19ice3
    @im19ice3 5 лет назад +320

    the love that married couple have is only comparable to the love this dude clearly has for science XD

  • @jauxro
    @jauxro 5 лет назад +451

    "It's not funny... It's a little funny."

  • @superdkls
    @superdkls 7 лет назад +473

    I love how he's the main one laughing at the spectacle of shocking his test subjects hahaha ... Super interesting talk, quite beautiful.

  • @donboehner6005
    @donboehner6005 5 лет назад +428

    Yes.. I knew this but never have heard it spoken. After my wife passed I felt that half of me was missing. We touched and held hands all the time. Being a widower is most difficult because our loving touch is gone. The process of mutual touching growing into "I am you and you are me" is an awesome observation. Thank you for this.

    • @bonnieshaw7324
      @bonnieshaw7324 5 лет назад +23

      Your comment was very well expressed. It is interesting that being widdowed causes a pain more severe than many physcial conditions (the feeling of losing 1/2 of yourself) but there is no anesthetic, rehabilitation or follow up care. I feel as though I was left in the dark to figure out if healing is even possible. Yet when I come across a comment from someone who has experienced the same thing it gives me hope. Wishing you all the best.

    • @rubyrootless7324
      @rubyrootless7324 5 лет назад +7

      I hope you are at least somewhat okay, under these circumstances.
      I'm so sorry for your loss.

    • @donboehner6005
      @donboehner6005 5 лет назад +6

      @@rubyrootless7324 who are you Ruby? I viewed your channel and enjoyed it. Are you an artist? And... yes, I'm okay and have moved on with my life and am holding my new partners hand with new understanding. She too lost half of her life and now we are nearly whole again.

    • @stewartritchey7602
      @stewartritchey7602 5 лет назад +2

      I'm with you, brother. Cancer took my wife years ago. Talk to your local Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints missionaries. Marriage does not have to be "till death do you part" - you can be united for all eternity. Ask - you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

    • @ChillstoneBlakeBlast
      @ChillstoneBlakeBlast 5 лет назад +2

      Tbh I have never had a proper held hand. I feel sorry for your lost but it must have been a very strong feeling.

  • @Oshin_Life
    @Oshin_Life 5 лет назад +181

    My mum says touching people you love soothes them and it is important to touch the hands of your children or hug them each day at least once.

  • @nhilinhnguyen4191
    @nhilinhnguyen4191 5 лет назад +246

    He missed the opportunity to say ‘She lent him a hand, literally and figuratively.’

  • @publicserviceannouncement4777
    @publicserviceannouncement4777 5 лет назад +111

    A woman named Mary prayed with me and my mom at a food giveaway at a church we'd just started attending. She started to speak the prayer and then she reached her hand out for us to all join hands. When our hands connected I felt a peace beyond my own understanding. I can still feel that overwhelming feeling like everything is okay and is going to be okay when I recall the memory. I'll never forget that experience!

  • @Jeca299
    @Jeca299 5 лет назад +126

    Because love is stronger than fear.

    • @chroni3659
      @chroni3659 5 лет назад +1

      But love isn’t the one that’ll save you from danger, despite what pop culture would have you believe

  • @aberling
    @aberling 5 лет назад +42

    This makes me curious about the psychological/neurological impact of shaking hands.

  • @aellalee4767
    @aellalee4767 5 лет назад +68

    That explains why I almost cried when a coworker I felt close to held my hand. I am in a city where I haven't made close friends and this has been the case for many years. So for that moment I felt connected for the first time in a long time.

    • @Oscar-----
      @Oscar----- 5 лет назад +7

      That's tough. I'm a very physical person (the whole love language thing is p accurate for me) and I can't imagine how much it would hurt me to be in a situation where I couldn't just reach out to a friend or family member.
      I hope you get through this ok.

    • @aellalee4767
      @aellalee4767 5 лет назад +5

      Camila , it's really hard, but I'm closer to being done my degree in this city so hopefully I can manage or find another solution.
      Very much appreciate the kind thoughts.

    • @InverseDream
      @InverseDream 5 лет назад +3

      I lived alone for a long time, I know how hard that is. Praying for you.

    • @mord-durch-snper1152
      @mord-durch-snper1152 27 дней назад +1

      how are you doing now? a long period of time passed

    • @aellalee4767
      @aellalee4767 27 дней назад

      @@mord-durch-snper1152 well...when I saw my original response I thought I wrote it recently 🤣
      I got a bunch of friends and just moved again. I've been isolated for an entire year today, only seeing other humans in person that I talk to once a month or so. 🫤
      But seeing what I said 5 years ago, and knowing that I made a bunch of friends after gives me some hope.
      I hope you are not also lonely like this.

  • @reneesegal
    @reneesegal 10 лет назад +143

    This is very interesting and shows how we are wired for connection.

  • @ErikBoesen
    @ErikBoesen 4 года назад +5

    We discussed one of this guy's studies in my high school psychology class. Most wholesome research of the year.

  • @arselamallick3248
    @arselamallick3248 5 лет назад +16

    love this...when you really start to think about the depth of a small act of holding someone's hand you see how complex yet simple life is

  • @breaht9321
    @breaht9321 5 лет назад +85

    someone come hold my hand

  • @Vanditha-th8oc
    @Vanditha-th8oc 5 лет назад +22

    I feel better when I hold my best friend's hand.

  • @judithkellner8009
    @judithkellner8009 10 лет назад +64

    So glad for the world to hear you validating, through your scientific research, what we all human being need. We need to feel connected to a safe partner to confront and endure our pain.
    wonderful talk!

  • @buenahschoir
    @buenahschoir 5 лет назад +39

    This is interesting in the context of strangers feeling awkward about holding hands when asked to do so. Maybe if we had more physical contact with people who are different than us, we might see each other as connected and the same, instead of separated and different.

  • @zoecarter3646
    @zoecarter3646 Год назад

    Now I know why I'm obsessed with seeing pple hold hands. My heart lights up bc I have no one's hand to hold 😢

  • @karenKristal
    @karenKristal 5 лет назад +13

    there are three kinds of handholding 1, we are here together 2, you are my possession 3, you have to look after me

  • @sarahlee8022
    @sarahlee8022 5 лет назад +12

    Wow! "I am you, you are me ..we..."

  • @grapeypear4558
    @grapeypear4558 5 лет назад +30

    I love this very much. Maybe that’s why it’s said that older folks who’ve been married for decades look similar.... Also I have a little crush on this doc 😆

    • @ArtInProgressWithCitlali
      @ArtInProgressWithCitlali 5 лет назад +2

      I have a teacher that looks like him but older. He looks good.

    • @dutchik5107
      @dutchik5107 5 лет назад

      @@ArtInProgressWithCitlali well it's a pretty old talk. So it might be.

  • @lanaroberts9929
    @lanaroberts9929 5 лет назад +23

    How amazing..actually made me tear up a little!

  • @publicserviceannouncement4777
    @publicserviceannouncement4777 5 лет назад +14

    My mom told me that holding hands shows that you love a person.

  • @angelcakeart
    @angelcakeart 5 лет назад +3

    This video made me so happy. I don't hold hands often because of anxiety and boundary issues but man do I wish I did it more. So so wholesome, I needed this :)

  • @lesliee.4886
    @lesliee.4886 5 лет назад +15

    This is so interesting. I always hold someone's hand if I'm on a roller coaster that I think is scary. One time my friend refused to hold my hand on a ride (she was too scared to let go of the over-the-shoulder restraint). My experience on that ride was so traumatizing that to this day (6 years later) I refuse to go on that one ride at Knott's (Xcelerator). And holding on to the ride's restraint isn't enough, I always instinctively reach for whoever is sitting next to me, even if I don't know them, which can be awkward 😅

  • @Starry_Night_Sky7455
    @Starry_Night_Sky7455 5 лет назад +52

    Note how excited this guy seems when shocking people enters the picture here, lol.

  • @tccllc1
    @tccllc1 10 лет назад +19

    Brilliant and important. I will recommend this to all of my clients

  • @Mrs_Guac_and_Glock
    @Mrs_Guac_and_Glock 5 лет назад +45

    The Bible says of marriage that the "two become one flesh." It's funny that a brain scan can show the effects of that ❤️

    • @jauxro
      @jauxro 5 лет назад +4

      I'm not even religious but that's a really neat way of looking at it..!

    • @Mrs_Guac_and_Glock
      @Mrs_Guac_and_Glock 5 лет назад +5

      @@jauxro Yeah, definitely! It's actually referenced three times. Book of Genesis chapter 2, Matthew chapter 19, and Mark chapter 10 if you want to check it out :)

    • @dutchik5107
      @dutchik5107 5 лет назад

      Also said that when the friend is under threat.

    • @algriffin7630
      @algriffin7630 5 лет назад +1

      That's interesting..I don't believe I'm god but I find this cool.

  • @hihihihi5411
    @hihihihi5411 5 лет назад +2

    I’ve always been fascinated by what humans can do. Thank youu for this! 💓

  • @beanbean4563
    @beanbean4563 5 лет назад +15

    we are groot

  • @lateonaname
    @lateonaname 5 лет назад +5

    Not even through this video and it so relates to why couples that work together to achieve success in life do better than couples who don’t

    • @lateonaname
      @lateonaname 5 лет назад

      Btw, I only really see either elderly couples or moms and little children holding hands in public ☺️

    • @dutchik5107
      @dutchik5107 5 лет назад

      Then you are blind.

  • @greengurltravels6867
    @greengurltravels6867 3 года назад

    This is so powerful

  • @josemamani1246
    @josemamani1246 5 лет назад +4

    Thank you!

  • @heffthehecked
    @heffthehecked 5 лет назад +5

    i talked about this just recently and this was recommended 😳😕😕🙃

  • @allisabaggins
    @allisabaggins 5 лет назад +6

    The Bible states in Mark 10:8 "and the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh." Very cool seeing new scientific studies affirming things written way before the technology was there to prove it.

  • @hopehepperlin2519
    @hopehepperlin2519 5 лет назад +15

    This guy seems sweet

  • @amandaleahspears
    @amandaleahspears 4 года назад

    Beautiful

  • @thebookworm5048
    @thebookworm5048 5 лет назад +14

    "I am you, you are me, and we are here" makes me think of Steven Universe

  • @amylomas7484
    @amylomas7484 5 лет назад +28

    7:57 .. RIP us single people 😢😂

  • @CorDeGeleia
    @CorDeGeleia 10 лет назад +3

    Just.... amazing :)

  • @Mikadiaries
    @Mikadiaries 6 лет назад +3

    This is amazing :)

  • @sherwetmhd39
    @sherwetmhd39 5 лет назад

    This was really interesting

  • @Cortanasboyfriend
    @Cortanasboyfriend 6 лет назад +210

    You hold hands to symbolically slap the single people in the face

    • @dutchik5107
      @dutchik5107 5 лет назад +7

      I think friends have a somewhat similar effect

    • @nickhays2183
      @nickhays2183 5 лет назад +2

      and to block high school hallways

  • @darlingcat
    @darlingcat 5 лет назад

    Amazing

  • @destinynicole8830
    @destinynicole8830 5 лет назад +11

    I wish I had someone to hold hands with 😂😂😂😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

    • @cordat2767
      @cordat2767 5 лет назад +2

      Me too 😭😭😭

    • @ppegah
      @ppegah 5 лет назад +3

      i’d hold your hand, and i can’t be the only one.

    • @lilac624
      @lilac624 Год назад

      me too

  • @Jane_eme
    @Jane_eme 4 месяца назад

    Who's here after reading The attachment effect by Peter Lovenheim?

  • @skyxcx9781
    @skyxcx9781 7 лет назад +16

    Oh my god why is he shocking these people

  • @samiko6091
    @samiko6091 2 года назад

    Fascinating topic. Intrigued on if this is a positive or negative thing to become reliant on another/external source or have an external action effect your brain so much... and what happens when holding hands in this case is impossible

  • @joaodecarvalho7012
    @joaodecarvalho7012 7 лет назад +25

    Is it possible to measure muscular tension? Is someone researching whole body muscular tension patterns and correlate them to emotional states?

    • @gabriellegonzales8356
      @gabriellegonzales8356 5 лет назад +2

      João de Carvalho you could locally measure muscular tension, quite possibly by electrical outputs across certain muscle groups. May also be able to measure secondary signals of muscular tension (stress) over short periods of time, released into the blood stream or extracellular matrix

    • @LaNoireDetruit
      @LaNoireDetruit 5 лет назад

      There definitely is information out there about typical zones that are tense when a person has anxiety or depression etc. I don't know whether they measured muscle tone for this or just observed but there seem to be patterns, yes.

  • @eaakerman8829
    @eaakerman8829 5 лет назад +5

    Hold hands no thank you , hold arms yes .

  • @laurenzojo6298
    @laurenzojo6298 5 лет назад +12

    I’m sorry very fascinating his excitement with shocking was hilarious but my man needs a tailor for his pants!

  • @nplatt91
    @nplatt91 Год назад

  • @kaseymajestic9254
    @kaseymajestic9254 4 года назад +1

    So hands become a giant synapse :D

  • @nepholight2465
    @nepholight2465 2 года назад

    I wonder who those couple were, true love, gosh

  • @begimaitemiralieva8597
    @begimaitemiralieva8597 5 лет назад +1

    5:15 .....oh..

  • @theronduhwrants7522
    @theronduhwrants7522 5 лет назад +2

    5:00

  • @lilac624
    @lilac624 Год назад

    interesting

  • @eas8409
    @eas8409 5 лет назад +5

    I'm not crying... you're crying lol

  • @lanes58
    @lanes58 7 лет назад +10

    There is definitely a time and a place for hand holding. In a relationship, it is wonderful to hold hands because of the sensuality and the closeness you feel towards that person. I don't think it's a good idea to hold hands with a stranger at a church or a table grace. I think it is OK for a close family to hold hands during Grace if they so choose, but it should not be a requirement and a person should not be made to feel bad if they decline. It's also a good way to pass around germs. Personally I think handholding should be reserved for your significant other and that's it.

    • @TeganGordon
      @TeganGordon 5 лет назад +2

      In Saudi Arabia it is common for business associates to hold hands. I have held probably over a thousand people's hands. It is beyond good for everyone

    • @5GcE
      @5GcE 5 лет назад

      Well do what you think is best:) no one should make you hold hands. I’m a physical person myself, but also respectful of people’s boundaries.

  • @Be1smaht
    @Be1smaht 5 лет назад

    I think i broke up my relationship because i didnt physically touch him much and it felt weird.
    Women. Men NEED to be touched, kissed or whatever. It changes everything. You want a good relationship do it and force yourself to do it.

  • @asean769
    @asean769 5 лет назад

    We?

  • @mitalpandya8798
    @mitalpandya8798 2 года назад

    Good information but speak has room to improve communication style, it was funny to laugh on some of the things

  • @perceivingacting
    @perceivingacting 6 лет назад +3

    Another Cohen.

  • @lowenherz9718
    @lowenherz9718 5 лет назад

    Try to relax dude. No need to tell the entire story. You're stuttering so much

    • @Bunnybuns138
      @Bunnybuns138 5 лет назад +1

      Eh, pretty sure he needs to speak for a certain amount of time dude.

  • @MsGenXodus
    @MsGenXodus 3 года назад

    I've worked in sales for quite some time, and even a light touch on a person's forearm or a gentle grasp of someone's elbow to direct their attention toward something is enough to build instant rapport. The trick is to make the touch so natural as to be nearly imperceptible. I suspect that on a subconscious level, the stress of making a big purchase becomes more bearable when you can get into rapport with your sales person. Real Estate Agents are some of the most touchy-feely people around. Ditto with politicians. Both of those professions need deep trust from their customers/voters. A simple, momentary, gentle touch is very helpful in getting people to that more relaxed state.