5:17 See Reference "Kalashnikov"... A massive EMP blast heralded the arrival of the pirate boarding party. The tall, slender form of Captain Dt'raaqz strode forward, his featherlike feelers brushing the station's ceiling as he grinned down at the disoriented and unprepared security team. "It's all over, lads! That was a Diomedian psionic EMP, and it's disabled every weapon you have! Now, are you going to co-" With a noise that sounded like the gates of the Ninth Hell slamming, eleven massive bleeding rifts appeared, from just above the captain's belt buckle to his uppermost right shoulder, and the projectiles continued straight through him, decimating half the boarding party. As their taller comrades were either struck, or forced to dive for cover, the two shorter Diomedians saw an incredible scene. - There, in front of the captain's crumpled form, was a single security guard. A human. It held a truly archaic weapon, made of heavy steel and... Was that WOOD? Smoke curled from the end of it's distressingly large-diameter barrel, the grey wisps drawing the aliens' gaze up to a pair of startlingly blue eyes, hard as plasteel and cold as the Void. It was glaring from beneath a large, furry hat that was... well, it was VERY CLOSE to the color of a Diomedian's coat... - "Well? Does Vadim need to use the rest of magazine, or are you leaving?" The poor Diomedians took the third option, and promptly fainted in terror... They were the lucky ones.
We got lucky with our worlds, a massive radiation storm and bioweapons vault released an environment that makes you wish for nuclear winter, and a dead world. We had massive lava tunnel filled with technology and die hard citizens of the Vault, the planet falloot was doom to stagnation and decay, with tunnels full of Vault Dwellers and arachic valuable lost technology. The human arrived in blue jump suits, vicious pack animals they shielded from the radiation. They arrived by the ship loads, some where Vault hunters looking for our people to batter long lost technology, the fools where using ammo and bottle caps. Some did wish to keep said wonders others would batter off world for valuable currency. Factions and in fighting occurs requirly as different dystopian countries are formed, while below ground Vault dwellers rebuilt an economy and dystopian republics that border on extreme philosophy experiments. The economy boomed a lost world was reclaimed and ruled by a war lord titled the lone wonder, and vice rule of the courier.
Liar. We coffee drinkers know we'd all wail at having displeased the mighty stimulant god who had decided to withhold the life-giving bean nectar and beg its forgiveness while asking what we must do to regain its favor. That coffee machine would own every caffeine addict on board like its own jittery harem.
@@MrDiesel237 No, if the machine says "NO", I will get my coffee and remove the ability to refuse it to me again. This is the result of a lack of coffee (defined as I do not have a cup of coffee in my hand).
Easy You point a big fecking gun at it and tell it to continue dispensing coffee as it had done before or it can be obliterated The fuck is gonna do about it? Spray decaff at you?
You realize the a.i. would view this as lobotomizing every sentient species we come across that does something inconvenient to us. I mean, I'd rip out its control panel too, but still.
1 -- I was literally thinking "STALKER" from second paragraph of it, and the last part about AKs is hilarious 2 -- that thing with Jeremy's pack-bonding backfired in most hillarious way ever
For the first, are you telling me there is somewhere forbidden and dangerous to go to that might also make me a profit? Don't break any rules by telling me where it is, just let me know the general area I shouldn't go to. Also, have some cash on hand. For the second, well, we do pack bonding pretty quick. There are people that have bonded with bears and hippos, HIPPOS! Otherwise known as the murder tank. Shouldn't be too much of a problem, lots of critters like pats and scratches. Plus we can wear the damage most of the time. Just remember what they are and you'll be fine.
Wait wait wait so this entire thing is all about tricking humans into doing your archaeological recovery... I bet human is the one who wrote and published this in the first place
The last one made me think of another video that had a list of rules for dealing with humans and one of them was “if you see a human running away from something start running as well” (or something Along those lines
My headcannon is that Jeremy successfully pack bonded with every animal that had escaped, so the captain walks out after a while of silence only to see all of the deadly creatures around Jeremy including the clossi broodmother who is back to nuzzling Jeremy's leg
Alien: Our planet (which is full of riches/secrets/culture) has been made uninhabitable by war/weaponry/disease/weather! Humans: * Cheeki Breeki intensifies *
LOL, I think Jeremy has a charisma of 20 or more regarding critters and AI's. LOL The AI denied the captain's request for a mocha, because he's been drinking to much coffee for a non human. ROFLOL - go tame those critters Jeremy!
Miraculous crystal Given by stars I can foresee the future In fabulous glass Lie spilt on the caves Mock scribbled on us Earth's doom day is close Dancing on the ashes of the world I behold the stars Heavy gale is blowing to my face Rising up the dust Barren lands are desperate to blossom Dark stars strive to shine Still remember blue ocean In this dying world The seas overdumped The rivers are all dead All planet's cities turned a deserted land Annihilation declares his day (declares his day) Life slowly Utters "We Remain" Dirge for the planet Dirge for the Earth Dirge for the planet Dirge for the Earth Dancing on the ashes of the world I behold the stars Heavy gale is blowing to my face Rising up the dust Barren lands are desperate to blossom Dark stars strive to shine Still remember blue ocean In this dying world
I just love to imagine that hundred of years later. Ushankas, Kalashnikovs and DJ Bylatman are still going strong. You would see these future men praying to STALKER, METRO and TARKOV merchandise laid alongside the cube of the respected houses of old. Wearing old school military gear and gas mask. In an age when everyone looks like Mass Effect or Star Trek. The one thing that keeps slavic tradition alive. Are ancient videogames and guns. I love it.
In the future I would expect humans to be using something like the WWSD-308, rather than the Kalashnikov. They haven't made the AK-47 since June of 1969 and the AK-74 has such a wimpy round, its no fun. Course you can get the Chinese knock off of the 47 but ya get what you pay for. The old HK G-3 was pretty sweet too, now that you mention it.
@@jameson1239 The AK bends in the middle when you fire it, for one thing. For another. Simple math; weight X velocity squared equals impact mass. In other words a 165 grain 7.62 X 51 at 2750 fps equals 2289 foot pounds of energy at 500 meters. A guy made a kill shot, right in the ear, with one at 1.34 miles. My best ever was 1257 yards. Max effective range of the best of the AKs is 300 yards. Look it up. Now the 300 Norma Mag, or the .338 Lapua Mag. chambered rifles do better. At the closer ranges a WWSD-308 with a 16 in. barrel suits me just fine. It cycles faster, with a harder hitting round, and in a pinch, I can hit you at 600 yards with it.
And it is the presence of people with such a mindset in the Foreign Office that is the reason why people with a significantly more straightforward mathematical mindset in the KGB knew: It would take exactly 5 missiles To destroy the British isles.
5:17 See Reference "Kalashnikov"...
A massive EMP blast heralded the arrival of the pirate boarding party. The tall, slender form of Captain Dt'raaqz strode forward, his featherlike feelers brushing the station's ceiling as he grinned down at the disoriented and unprepared security team.
"It's all over, lads! That was a Diomedian psionic EMP, and it's disabled every weapon you have! Now, are you going to co-"
With a noise that sounded like the gates of the Ninth Hell slamming, eleven massive bleeding rifts appeared, from just above the captain's belt buckle to his uppermost right shoulder, and the projectiles continued straight through him, decimating half the boarding party.
As their taller comrades were either struck, or forced to dive for cover, the two shorter Diomedians saw an incredible scene.
-
There, in front of the captain's crumpled form, was a single security guard. A human. It held a truly archaic weapon, made of heavy steel and... Was that WOOD? Smoke curled from the end of it's distressingly large-diameter barrel, the grey wisps drawing the aliens' gaze up to a pair of startlingly blue eyes, hard as plasteel and cold as the Void. It was glaring from beneath a large, furry hat that was... well, it was VERY CLOSE to the color of a Diomedian's coat...
-
"Well? Does Vadim need to use the rest of magazine, or are you leaving?"
The poor Diomedians took the third option, and promptly fainted in terror... They were the lucky ones.
We got lucky with our worlds, a massive radiation storm and bioweapons vault released an environment that makes you wish for nuclear winter, and a dead world. We had massive lava tunnel filled with technology and die hard citizens of the Vault, the planet falloot was doom to stagnation and decay, with tunnels full of Vault Dwellers and arachic valuable lost technology.
The human arrived in blue jump suits, vicious pack animals they shielded from the radiation. They arrived by the ship loads, some where Vault hunters looking for our people to batter long lost technology, the fools where using ammo and bottle caps. Some did wish to keep said wonders others would batter off world for valuable currency. Factions and in fighting occurs requirly as different dystopian countries are formed, while below ground Vault dwellers rebuilt an economy and dystopian republics that border on extreme philosophy experiments. The economy boomed a lost world was reclaimed and ruled by a war lord titled the lone wonder, and vice rule of the courier.
Вадим блядь!! I wanted to kill some of those инопланетяне!
Also: А ну Чики-брики в дамки
You forgot the ma deuce
An AI coffee machine that told me "NO" would become a non-thinking drip machine as fast as I could pull control boards out.
Liar. We coffee drinkers know we'd all wail at having displeased the mighty stimulant god who had decided to withhold the life-giving bean nectar and beg its forgiveness while asking what we must do to regain its favor.
That coffee machine would own every caffeine addict on board like its own jittery harem.
Jeremy... why is the coffee machine now referring to me as a "caffine pig" and why do I feel violated by this term?
@@MrDiesel237 No, if the machine says "NO", I will get my coffee and remove the ability to refuse it to me again. This is the result of a lack of coffee (defined as I do not have a cup of coffee in my hand).
Easy
You point a big fecking gun at it and tell it to continue dispensing coffee as it had done before or it can be obliterated
The fuck is gonna do about it? Spray decaff at you?
You realize the a.i. would view this as lobotomizing every sentient species we come across that does something inconvenient to us.
I mean, I'd rip out its control panel too, but still.
Well Jeremy, you dig this hole for yourself.
I’ll dig one for us all.
@@jeremyszpicki491 I go to pet my dogs.
If there's a hole there's a way. NOW GET IN THERE!
Jeremy: "Yeah, that's fair."
Afterwards we dance amongst the ruins, dead elder gods, environmental hazards etc to the tune of hard bass.
Cause when the bass and the tweeters make the speakers go to war!
Cause we rock gaz mask
1 -- I was literally thinking "STALKER" from second paragraph of it, and the last part about AKs is hilarious
2 -- that thing with Jeremy's pack-bonding backfired in most hillarious way ever
Jeremy has a charisma of 10. The AI he pack-bonded with has an Intelligence score of 1, equal to Jeremy's Wisdom.
Nice
Roll for seduction, jeremy
@@imjang2430 I’m good, no thanks
Charisma of ONLY 10. Double that. The wisdom is about right, somewhat lower than Jeremy's intelligence.
Flobblob: "Congratulations, Jeremy, you played yourself."
indeed
For the first, are you telling me there is somewhere forbidden and dangerous to go to that might also make me a profit? Don't break any rules by telling me where it is, just let me know the general area I shouldn't go to. Also, have some cash on hand.
For the second, well, we do pack bonding pretty quick. There are people that have bonded with bears and hippos, HIPPOS! Otherwise known as the murder tank. Shouldn't be too much of a problem, lots of critters like pats and scratches. Plus we can wear the damage most of the time. Just remember what they are and you'll be fine.
A pack bonded hippo will still eat you.
1800s it was Australia.
Homicidal water horses who are the king of the jungle.
Wait wait wait so this entire thing is all about tricking humans into doing your archaeological recovery... I bet human is the one who wrote and published this in the first place
probably
Top tier reverseprop. Kek.
Who else would take advantage of of our curiosity, greed, our need to seek danger and our need to ignore rules?
@@PrimordialNyx the Ferengi?
@@eliandervalderen5849 maybe
The last one made me think of another video that had a list of rules for dealing with humans and one of them was “if you see a human running away from something start running as well” (or something Along those lines
Lol, yeah I can very much see "Jeremy" happening on many ships. We Humans can't help it, we just pack-bond with everything.
Daaaaaaayum that was brutal! 'I will pack bond with your mother's womb' ... Holy heck hahaha.
Jeremy is clearly a descendant of the Doolittle subspecies
Me talking to my chair:
'So what does it feel like being sat on...'
If I want to pack bond with my toaster, I'm gonna pack bond with my toaster.
jeremy hopefully your immune system and defences against animals are strong because you either about to get smothered in muscle or cuddles
he's winning
@@basrengangetch.2042 I forgot to mention quills and slime
I loved the second story and I can imagine a smug smile on Flobblob's face on the last line.
I was genuinely expecting Jeremy to walk out of the cell and thank the AI for going along with his plan to pack bond with everything
Thank you Agro for two good stories.
my pleasure
"Not for distribution to Humans" uploads it to RUclips...
good point , but it was on reddit first
of course the first one is a S.T.A.L.K.E.R reference! the wasteland recovery going into detail should've been a giveaway!
"You can take the Stalker out of the zone, but can't take the zone out the stalker"
when the words "cordon" and "bribe" were dropped i knew where this was going
Glory to the teller of tales
For the algorithm
You sounded genuinely shaken that the coffee machine said 'No'.
lol
there is a ship out there in space with jeramy who has pack bonded with so many random creatures they call his ship Noah's ark.
lol
Wow, that alien is done with him. He just straight threw him into that. 😄
yarp
Become... The *Beast-Master!*
See reference "Kalashnikov"... yes, Humans are well armed.
BWHAHAHA!!! that stalker one is pure gold!
The first story was similar to how one king tricked his people into eating/growing potatoes.
My headcannon is that Jeremy successfully pack bonded with every animal that had escaped, so the captain walks out after a while of silence only to see all of the deadly creatures around Jeremy including the clossi broodmother who is back to nuzzling Jeremy's leg
First story : Enter Indiana John. A whole crowd of Indiana John.
Well, there’s pack bonding, and then there’s pack bonding…
Alien: Our planet (which is full of riches/secrets/culture) has been made uninhabitable by war/weaponry/disease/weather!
Humans: * Cheeki Breeki intensifies *
so apparently Humans are not only space orcs but we are Space orc Druids
we are space and it works
LOL, I think Jeremy has a charisma of 20 or more regarding critters and AI's. LOL The AI denied the captain's request for a mocha, because he's been drinking to much coffee for a non human. ROFLOL - go tame those critters Jeremy!
As soon as I heard Cordon I knew this was going to be a STALKER reference
The first one is just too true.
So basically
“Don’t go here, no one can survive.”
*humans* “bet.”
Miraculous crystal
Given by stars
I can foresee the future
In fabulous glass
Lie spilt on the caves
Mock scribbled on us
Earth's doom day is close
Dancing on the ashes of the world
I behold the stars
Heavy gale is blowing to my face
Rising up the dust
Barren lands are desperate to blossom
Dark stars strive to shine
Still remember blue ocean
In this dying world
The seas overdumped
The rivers are all dead
All planet's cities turned a deserted land
Annihilation declares his day (declares his day)
Life slowly
Utters "We Remain"
Dirge for the planet
Dirge for the Earth
Dirge for the planet
Dirge for the Earth
Dancing on the ashes of the world
I behold the stars
Heavy gale is blowing to my face
Rising up the dust
Barren lands are desperate to blossom
Dark stars strive to shine
Still remember blue ocean
In this dying world
I just love to imagine that hundred of years later. Ushankas, Kalashnikovs and DJ Bylatman are still going strong. You would see these future men praying to STALKER, METRO and TARKOV merchandise laid alongside the cube of the respected houses of old. Wearing old school military gear and gas mask. In an age when everyone looks like Mass Effect or Star Trek. The one thing that keeps slavic tradition alive. Are ancient videogames and guns. I love it.
In the future I would expect humans to be using something like the WWSD-308, rather than the Kalashnikov. They haven't made the AK-47 since June of 1969 and the AK-74 has such a wimpy round, its no fun. Course you can get the Chinese knock off of the 47 but ya get what you pay for. The old HK G-3 was pretty sweet too, now that you mention it.
5.45 isn’t a wimpy round and the Russians still produce 7.62 AKs namely the AK-15 AK-103 and AK-104 and AK-203 and AK-204
@@jameson1239 The AK bends in the middle when you fire it, for one thing. For another. Simple math; weight X velocity squared equals impact mass. In other words a 165 grain 7.62 X 51 at 2750 fps equals 2289 foot pounds of energy at 500 meters. A guy made a kill shot, right in the ear, with one at 1.34 miles. My best ever was 1257 yards. Max effective range of the best of the AKs is 300 yards. Look it up. Now the 300 Norma Mag, or the .338 Lapua Mag. chambered rifles do better. At the closer ranges a WWSD-308 with a 16 in. barrel suits me just fine. It cycles faster, with a harder hitting round, and in a pinch, I can hit you at 600 yards with it.
Doesn’t matter what all is behind such a thing. Profit is profit, reward is reward. We puppet ourselves out for profit.
Flobblob has some good comebacks, nice
:)
For the algorithm and the narrator.
For the algorithm
Pack bonding sounds an awfully a lot like seduction. Jeremy Sounds like a bards name. Lmao
Bless the Squerril
Bless the Author
For the algorithm
Dig up Jeremy, DIG UP!
for the algorithm!
We march onward forever
For the algorithm
Yeah, humans can pack bond with rocks too.
wilson
*cheeki breeki intensifies*
If you can find them, and if no one else can help, maybe you can hire...
The Human Team.
Pity the xeno
Jeremy kicks open the door and bellows as loudly as possible: Imma belly rub and ear scritch all you adorable motherfuckers!
Ey, something for my fellow Stalkers!
Story 1: so basically do the prussian potaoe spread
Is there more of Jeremy?
Oops.. Do over! Do over!
The author of the first story should apply to work in the Foreign Office with that type of mindset!
And it is the presence of people with such a mindset in the Foreign Office that is the reason why people with a significantly more straightforward mathematical mindset in the KGB knew:
It would take exactly 5 missiles
To destroy the British isles.
A comment to appease the algorithm and help the channel.
hehehehehee... I could not stop giggling... XD
:)
To please the algorithm is all
For the algorithm
For the Algorithm, For the Author(s), For the Disembodied Voice!
For the algorithm
Even racism is wholesome on this channel. 😌😂
Nice
Wow a story where we human nature backfired on us lol
:)
I want Jeremy's job
CHIKKI BRIKKI STALKER!
neat
:)
That was just weird
For the algorithm
For the algorithm
I'm first lads and lassies!
nice
Get out of here Stalker! (Or maybe not.)
Bwa hahahahahaha!
Get out of here stalker. Also FTA!!
FTA
For the algorithm
"Haha I'm pretty sure that's racist."
"End of Jeremy."
150th, 11 January 2024
F.A.S.
For the algorithm
Second comment lololololol.
nice
For the algorithm
For the algorithm
For the algorithm
For the algorithm
For the algorithm
For the algorithm