After reading his book and watching his mini series leading up to the book. Will talks a lot about feeling like a coward and it being directly tied to not standing up for his mother when she was being abused by his father and running and hiding in other situations where he could’ve protected someone and he hid and how he’s lived with it. He also talked about how his situation with his father has caused him to be a people pleaser and hides a his anger and frustration behind his humor and is very focused on being likable even at his own expense and how all of this has defined him as a man. And he’s working through this through therapy…. I think at the Oscar’s everything boiled over he struggled to find the balance between being the “nice guy” persona and finding the courage to be the protector (which he associates with his manhood)… I also think it’s important to note that he and jada have been the butt end of jokes for 2 years now and he hasn’t been able to protect his family. I think king Richard has given him some courage to try but he has not figured out how to do so in a healthy way just yet. I hope will will find a healthy middle ground through therapy soon
You're talking about a 53 year old man like he's a junior high student. If Will hasn't used his boundless resources to address his issues and get his house in order by now, that's complacency and willfully keeping himself ill, and that's on him. He blames others, and that's not what a man does.
@@MoeMentos no… that’s judgemental everyone grows and becomes self aware In their own time (if ever at all) both will and jada are actively in therapy trying to heal through their individual issues and it’s on no one’s time line but their own however long it takes it’s not a quick “fix” it’s continual work. Everyone on has their flaws and week points, it’s not to be judged or assessed by any one else
Not demonizing? He demonized Rock by justifying the insane drunk behavior of Smith. Defending her wife of what? Was she in such danger that assault was necessary? And then, we are the ones to blame for violent behavior. What about you condoning assault?
Stephen Colbert said something that I had said to my partner the night it happened, which was that just not laughing would have been painful enough for Chris Rock. I said he could have let the joke fall flat and stayed in his seat yelling what he yelled, if he felt so inclined, and that would have gotten the point across just fine. They were both out of line, but the fact that they both apologized and did it so very kindly shows that lessons were learned on every side. It was definitely "toxic" behavior, but it's good to see that they were both able to take responsibility and can hopefully now move on and be bigger and better people going forward.
@@rubiatfusigboye316 Chris Rock has previously said he has been diagnosed as being on the spectrum, specifically challenged in reading human faces/emotions. So, there's a reason
@@Hawther as someone on the spectrum and who has friends on the spectrum, that’s not an excuse. If this was the first or second time, I’d get it. But this is a repeated problem where people told him it was inappropriate and he should stop.
I've only seen one video talking about Will being ADHD, and seeing his reaction shift so quickly, it definitely reminded me of times that my emotional dysregulation/impulse control has gotten the best of me (especially when feeling protective of family/friends). The brain sees RAGE and then it feels like seconds later, reality is back and I'm immediately ashamed and feel terrible about my actions. Adding in his stress levels with Best Actor nomination and his delicate relationship with Jada, I think it was a perfect storm of trigger points. I don't condone the violence, but I can certainly understand it.
Fuuuuuuuuuu(ck) same. That rage is scary when you're on the other side of it. Idk about you, but for me it's like there's a psychopath switch, and once flipped there is no room sympathy or empathy left. Just rage. Like Liam Neason in Taken rage. To be fair, it's not something that typically happens when people do things to me, I live in a constant state of feeling like I've done something wrong but haven't realized what yet. But uh, you come for someone who is vulnerable? Especially if it's someone I care about?? Run.
@@Victoria-dh9vb Yep, I've got a particular set of skills.. it's data gathering and I'm about to cut you a new one because I can poke at your insecurities like no one's business, no holds barred.. being late diagnosed ADHD, I'm realising the amount of CPTSD that I just didn't recognise, like hypervigilance (cough data gathering) and emotional dysregulation (RAAAAAAGE). CBT has helped me a lot in understanding internal vs external narratives.
@@Victoria-dh9vb I really recommend this channel, it has led to some really profound "Ohhhhhhh, that's why I'm doing this behaviour" moments: ruclips.net/channel/UCbWvYupGqq3aMJ6LsG4q-Yg
I had that problem when I was younger, but I grew up and learned how to control and discharge that. It is NEVER okay to act out your rage on another human being. Go for a walk, do the dishes, sweep the floor, anything to interrupt your focus and move away from the anger. Because we ADHD folk have really low blood pressure, we often get mad in order to get enough blood flow to our brains so we can think straight. There are other ways to do this. Take meds to raise your blood pressure a little, go for a brisk walk, jump up and down, but don't let your anger get out of control and start yelling at people. We are responsible for what we do and who we hurt with our actions.
It's good to hear from someone suffering with alopecia. One thing I noticed with all the immediate press coverage was that it was about the two men in the situation. The one who made the ableist joke, and the one who resorted to violence. No one was addressing the woman who was made fun of, her thoughts and feelings, or respecting that she is a full grown woman who can think, speak and act for herself. She showed great restraint in not into this fight, publicly and riding above the crap.
Not many people talk about her, because she did nothing wrong in this situation. We talk about two men who either both did something wrong or just one of them depending on personal opinion of the viewer.
i did see some people addressing the woman who was made fun of, but it was literally doubling down on the harassment suggesting SNL do bits about her cheating on will, saying she wears the pants in the relationship, saying he shouldn't even be with her much less defending her because of "all her cheating." basically continuing to punch down, and refusing to acknowledge that that is, in fact, punching down. as usual whenever a woman is victimized in some way, the outcome is always that the woman ends up victimized further.
For the laugh thing, I assumed it was one of those instant reaction laughs that you do in a situation you either haven’t fully comprehended yet or are unsure how to take. Ya know? Like someone says some messed up joke or sketchy little bit, and at first you’re just huffing a little as you plan out how to go forward? I remember being younger and someone made fun of me in a group and the only reaction I had for a few seconds as everyone around me laughed was to laugh lightly with them. At least until my thoughts started realigning. Does that make sense?
To me, it does absolutely make sense what you say. It reminds me of myself "laughing" at the misogynistic jokes of one of my (male) teachers back then at high school
humans do not tolerate silence well. We 'um' while we put together a sentence to speak next, and we chuckle at things we might not think are actually funny -- because the alternative is outside our instinctual comfort.
I’ve usually been only Black person in any given group, and I’ve done that uncomfortable laugh at a racist joke. I can stand up for others, no problem, but standing up for yourself is much harder.
I enjoy your perspective, your ability to talk about the failings of both individuals in the situation, and your choice to highlight the apologies… it’s just very human, empathetic and focused on building up instead of tearing down. Thank you for creating this free content for people, it’s a valuable resource
My initial thought was of shock. The point could have gotten across with words rather than to strike another person who did not strike you first. I would have stood up for my loved one, but I would have only walked up to announce that they have a medical condition and that we should not poke fun at an autoimmune disease. If I was too heated to do so, I would have taken the time I had sitting to collect my thoughts until I was up to speak. Physical violence is never okay unless you're defending yourself or another person that's being physically harmed. Yes, there are moments where people have breaking points, but at a joke such as that at the Oscars? It wasn't even Chris' best joke, and it could have been taken one way or another. G.I. Jane is a badass character and Jada is a badass woman. It could have been taken as a compliment because it was relating Jada to G.I. Jane, but Jada took it differently because it was in reference to her hair. I know some people with the same condition, and they had said they would have taken it as a compliment because it's a brighter look on their situations. They felt self-conscious about their looks but being related to a badass character that didn't have hair either made them feel more confident.
Completely agree. Just to add, I wouldn't have felt "stood up for" if I had been in her position, I'd have felt terrible that I was the excuse for someone to vent their frustrations. Smith had plenty of time to reconsider his response as he strutted up to the stage, it wasn't an impulsive "crime of passion" by that point.
As a woman that has always been teased about my obbesity, I completely understood Jada's face as soon as I saw her. I, like Vanessa says in her post, have seen that face in the mirror a million times. I think Will was laughing at the joke because, as he said in his acceptance speech, we are forced to smile to not ruin the moment or whatever, but those moments when we let things go, turns into scars that are so difficult to heal... I think WIll knows Jada's scars and that's why he lost it. Now, did he made a mistake punching Chris? Yes, he did, he ruined one the most glorious moments of his career and ruin a lot of people's night by acting like that. I love what Denzel said to him and I truly believe in his appology. On the other hand, comedy has to stop using people weakness to make other people laugh. Our kids grow up watching us laughing at comedians making fun of everybody and they think it's cool, then they go to school and become bullies, they hurt other kids, is a circle, it never ends. We have to change as society, we have to be better, it is the only way to avoid this kind of things from happening. I also think that a lot of the people judging and critiquing from one side or the other are hypocrites because, given the situation, a lot of them would react like that in real life, so... What I'm most sorry about all this is that in a world where there is so much divisions, black or white, democrats or republicans, white or asian, Rusia or Ukraine, rich and poor, american or latin, adding one more reason to divide us is unbearable.
I wanted to let you know, you have made me cry (in a therapeutic sense) more in the past two weeks than I have in 3 years. You are a wonderful person, therapist and just genuinely awesome. Never let anyone hurt you, especially some keyboard nothing warrior.
I like how you took this video, ty. The last couple of days any time I've tried to say, both sides made mistakes I get told I'm condoning violence. I was even told "Will Smith is a bad person so it doesn't matter" which made me feel a bit sick. How can you condone someone making fun of another's medical condition saying it's okay because you don't like the victim??
People are making strawmen. I've also pointed out that both men did something wrong. That comedy can't be used as a shield against consequences. While also making it clear I do not condone what Will Smith did. And people make a strawman, accusing me of the very thing I clearly said I don't. It is a rethoric that is very harmful.
@@Ikajo if he didn’t know about her condition then how is this a low blow? News flash-everyone is not tuning into Red Table like the delusional super fans on this thread.
@@smitty847 How do we know he didn't know? He very well could, he and Will Smith aren't exactly strangers to each other. Maybe he doesn't. I won't be making any assumptions about it either way.
As someone who's been a fan of both Will Smith and Chris Rock for decades the thing I've found most interesting about this whole situation is how many people are willing to give Will every benefit of the doubt for this situation and how few are willing to do the same for Chris Rock. Did Chris know that Jada had Alopecia? I can't speak for Chris but I didn't know. Did he know what psychological situation she or Will were in when he made that joke? Considering he's not a licensed therapist himself I doubt it. Are we now saying that comedians and jokes in general should be outlawed because no matter what joke it is someone is going to get hurt regardless of intentions? Chris literally made a joke about another couple's possible schism over who will win an Oscar or not right beforehand, why is that one not out of bounds? What if there had been hidden turmoil in there relationship that Chris couldn't have known about but it offended them enough that they would've taken action before Will got the chance? If so many are willing to bend over backwards to defend and empathize with only one party of this indecent but not the other I'd at least ask those people to look themselves in the mirror and ask why.
Chris Rock made the documentary "Good Hair" a few years ago, which was a wonderful film about the very sensitive topic of hair in the African-American community. Rock expressed his heartbreak that his own daughter hated the hair on her head, because it wasn't 'good hair.' I find it incomprehensible that Rock would choose to make a Black woman's hair a topic of public ridicule
@@clairenollet2389 It wasn't ridicule. He just compared to her to a movie character with a shaved head. Nothing about the joke was malicious. It was a dumb joke but it wasn't the big insult everyone makes it out to be.
@@jcdrummerz96 no the nuance stands. You cannot as a black man speak on how bad misogynoir is and how it affects your daughter, how colourism has also affected them and weaponize a similar bigotry for a "joke". The reason is we have had so much convos of black male comedians using racist, stereotypical and misogynoir humour at the expense of black women, he knows about it, so why would he do it? So while I can say Smith shouldn't have slapped him, the joke was gross.
@@YourMoonJoy He compared a woman with a shaved head to a movie character with a shaved head. It could be read as a compliment given that GI Jane is about a badass female protagonist. Jada didn't take it that way. That's fine. But it isn't fair to assume any vitriol behind the joke when there is no way to prove that was Rock's intention. Nevertheless, Rock apologized, so I think focusing on the substance of his joke is pointless when Will's behavior was 1000× more egregious, bordering on criminal.
@@jcdrummerz96 there doesn't need to be active malice for something to be based in bigotry. Like I said we can agree that Smith was absolutely wrong but I'm explaining why many of use are angry with Chris Rock, maybe listen to what multiple black women what said about the situation instead saying it's just a dumb joke, especially since he knows better.
I have noticed an extreme amount of gaslighting when it comes to the Smith family. I do not believe what Will did was right, but the fact that everyone is gaslighting Will and Jada, saying things like “they are too thin-skinned” or “it’s just a joke,” is unacceptable to me. The violence is also unacceptable. As I have taught my kids and as you stated in your video, defending yourself physically should only be done when you are being hurt physically. If someone is using words to hurt, you have the choice to walk away, or in the case of my children in school, go to an adult and let them know what is happening so the situation can be resolved. There are other ways to remedy the situation, but verbal abuse (Rock), violence (Smith) and/or gaslighting somebody for “not being able to take a joke“ (the general public) is not acceptable.
Verbal abuse? It is comedy. There are good and bad jokes. But that is no verbal abuse... And while I do not think so called VIPs should be okay with everything... A joke is what you have to endure when you are that damn rich and still making money by publicly talking about your private life.
@@siggilinde5623 So because they are rich, its ok for people to make fun of what is potentially a traumatic medical issue?? Rich or poor, why is it ok to make fun of peoples medical problems? If it were another type of medical issue would it be ok? What if it was a disability? Or is this more ok as it happens to be about a womens appearance, which is basically fair game. 💁🏼♀️ Perhaps one of the reasons Will snapped is because they have to keep pretending its ok, that its not humiliating or painful for her, because God forbid a rich person should have feelings or be capable of being insulted. Perhaps if they were able to talk about these things without futher ridicule or being told to suck it up, you're rich, people wouldn't end up reaching breaking point & doing such stupid things. Baring in mind that sometimes it's a 'joke', other times people will have said things to Jada about her hair that was out & out rude & insulting, again & again & again.. it's not like it was even a member of the public, this was another rich successful dude, supposedly their friend, singling her out in a room filled with people, as an easy target. At what point does it become abuse to keep repeating the same 'joke' they never said was funny in the first place, when as a 'friend' you should already know they have received insults, abuse & harassment about it, & it hurts like hell. But its ok, because its tv, & it's all for a laugh. Ok.
@@madhatterline I do not care if a joke is about a woman or a man. If it is a serious medical condition there would had been other ways to make it clear a bondery was overstepped. But yes. If you are making your money by sharing your private life you have to expect jokes. Funny jokes, bad jokes, rude jokes. I do not say they have to suck everything up. They are just people. But come on. If you go to the Oscars or Emmys you know that there will be jokes. Actually...it is part of their work! So imagine we all react to something that pisses us off at work like that. What a world that would be. I also agree that people sometimes snap. For various reasons. While it should not happen and most people regret it later.. yes it is just human. We all make mistakes. So considering all this... Yes I still think that a grown up should be able to behave himself at work and do not slap someones face because of a stupid joke. I still think that he should at least apologize like a grown up. I still think a standing ovation after that moment is kind of strange. And celebrating himself like nothing has happened? No. That is not how a grown up behaves.
I wouldn't call it verbal abuse. Chris' joke was nothing compared to stuff you hear from most award show hosts. I think some roast comedians' jokes can be considered verbal abuse, but this wasn't one of them. Joan Rivers, for example, would never have told a joke like this--WAY too tame for her.
My feelings about this are a little bit complex, so I'll try to explain it the best I can. First things first, I don't think that there are any "bad guys" here. Both of them had inappropriate behavior in the moment, but I empathize with both of them and I understand why all of this happened. When it comes to Chris Rock's joke, I can see how it happened. God knows I've had my fair share of faux pas when I'm trying to be funny in a lot of situations, even if I haven't been on stage. I agree with his apology in that when you are telling jokes, it can be very hard to know what lines to cross, and I truly believe he didn't mean to hurt or harass Jada, even if his action did do it. As for Will Smith, I can also empathize with him. I too have people in my live that I would give anything for, like my brother, and I even though I don't know anything about his and Jada's personal live, I can only think that this medical condition has put a lot of stress in the relationship, so to have that poked and made fun of must have hurt a lot. I believe that Will's actions were warranted (especially in his state of heightened emotions) but they were inappropriate. I don't condone violence, but I completely understand why he felt the need to do that. I don't think he's to blame for wanting to have that dealt with in the moment, even if he didn't go about it the best way, I think it would have driven the point better to talk the microphone and speak his mind (especially because he didn't know he'd win), but, in the heat o the moment, people don't think, we act. I also don't recon that it was toxic masculinity to want to defend the people you love and to do so. I do think that one needs to think things through before taking action.
I want to go on record and say that you are an amazing human being & I absolutely love everything you have posted. Cinema Therapy is amazing! My kids & I watch it often & then discuss it afterwards. You & your buddy have an amazing friendship as well as interesting POV's. My adult daughter follows you & NEVER missed an "episode". Keep being you bc you TOTALLY rock at it. Thank you for your insight, your professional opinions & your POV as a dad & a husband.
I would have had respect for Smith if -- and only after consulting with Jada to see if she wanted him to make a response -- he had said in his acceptance speech, "You know, Chris, a few years ago, you were the producer on 'Good Hair,' which was a wonderful film about the very sensitive topic of hair in the African-American community. You expressed your heartbreak that your own daughter hated the hair on her head, because it wasn't 'good hair.' I find it incomprehensible that you would choose to make my wife's hair a topic of public ridicule."
Once someone in my band made a rape joke. JOKED about rape. I told them that it wasn't funny, but they insisted that it was. Over and over again I emphasized that it wasn't funny, then they responded with, "yeah, it is." Eventually I broke, sprinted to my best friend, and bawled my eyes out to her over the trigger. I can imagine how Will's wife felt after something like that happened to her on public television with millions of people watching.
I think Will Smith was defending his ego and attempting to earn respect in the eyes of his wife. His family drama was been the centerpiece of the Smith family for past few years in which he may have felt emasculated and disrespected by the public as well as his own spouse. I disliked that Will Smith took out an internal and systemic issue of respect on the much smaller and less intimidating Chris Rock. I do not believe Will Smith would have done the same to an actor/comedian who was larger in size and had a reputation as a physical person like Terry Crews or Craig Robinson. Having worked with addicts, men's groups, and anger, this incident was too reminiscent of "defending my spouse's honor" when through deeper work we realize that is "defending myself because I've felt so little respect in my life". Something Will has discussed in his autobiography and in various interviews. I found Chris Rock's joke to be mild, however, if I was Jada, I can see how I would be very upset with this insecurity. The context of the situation is that Chris Rock's job is to roast and make jokes of celebrities as previous ceremonies have proven this point, meaning everyone came to the show knowing jokes and roasts were coming. However, the comedians did not attend with the expectation to be assaulted. I see fault in both individuals but Will Smith takes the biggest slice of the pie here because the use of violence carries the same justification of family protection whether it is about jokes about appearance, LGBTQ issues in school, banning abortion, or religious extremism. Both sides of the political spectrum may justify their violence due to a higher calling to "protect family values". It is a scary precedent if taken to its fullest potential and I disagree with any justification of violence when only speech is involved. Also, Kareem Abdul Jabbar's blog on this slap was a nuanced and cultural view on this situation that is worth reading.
That was a good recommendation. The blog post expressed something that had been on my mind as well. That it was patronizing, infantilizing behavior towards his wife who could have very well defended herself against the words. I keep thinking that if it was me and my husband - I think I might not find the courage to say anything, probably being startled and lost for words, but so would he, and then later I would rant at home and talk to myself under the shower, going through what I could have said and he would calm me down. And then forget about it. The only one he has to defend me from is the occasional emotional abuse from my mother-in-law. Because it's his mother, he has to be the mediator. Sometimes, unfortunately.
I agree. I also think the joke was kinda lame regardless of how you take it. And to think just a week ago she posted a video about being bald and how she does NOT care what other people think about it because she loves it… When I look from that video to his display of physical violence, of bullying, I am very upset that anyone justifies what he did. That was a decent walk for him to get from his seat to the podium, he had SO many opportunities to change course. When I saw what he did, I saw an abuser, plain and simple. But I believe I saw an abuser that I believe has been abused and shamed by that very wife for many years, and this display looked a lot to me like a horrible thing done completely out of character that often happens when narcissistically abused people come unhinged. I really hope he’s held VERY accountable, otherwise what message are we sending? But I also hope he gets some very good help/therapy.
this guy missed the boat by a long long way he was NOT making fun of a medical condition he was joking about her haircut he like myself and the overwhelming majority of people had NO freaking idea about her alopecia mate you blew it
Good to see a response looking at both sides & with the intention of reserving judgement. Also good to see a response from someone with alopecia included, though I’ve also seen responses from people with alopecia saying they didn’t find the joke offensive so it’s also good to acknowledge that everyone responds differently to words, especially joking words, & it really depends on individuals & their experiences. From a personal pov (& I bring this up because I don’t think it’s discussed enough) when I saw “the slap” I immediately appreciated my husband (& told him so), cause he would never dream of stepping in on my behalf with physical violence in response to words, particularly if those words were a joke but even if words were intended to hurt me. He respects that I am more than capable of defending myself when it comes to words & would of course back me (with words not violence) if I needed it but only if I wanted that, rather than letting his own emotional response to my distress (because he would be mad as hell) override the course of action I choose to take. My husband’s a truly emotional person so I know the amount of self awareness & control that takes for him & that is super attractive! It’s why there was pretty much a universal cheer in Frozen 2 when Kristoff asks Anna “what do you need?” instead of riding in to save the day in whatever way he sees fit. Another interesting aspect that no one is talking about is the “apology culture” we’re experiencing at the moment. There’s an interesting episode on it in the docuseries “Explained” on Netflix. It’s worth watching but to sum it up, we’re seeing a trend of people doing pretty much whatever they like & then issuing a public apology, which is starting to water-down the impact of all these apologies & also raises the question of whether we are actually becoming less accountable for our actions because we can wipe it all away with words later. I’ve already said a lot so won’t go into all the ways this whole situation could have (& really should have) gone differently. I think that’s pretty well discussed already.
I'm surprised Chris even joked about that. He made a thoughtful documentary called Good Hair and explored how hair is tied up with self esteem and did this doc on behalf of his daughter. This was a poor joke because he knew better. I don't approve of Will's actions but if he didn't, people would think that joke was ok.
I can’t condemn someone for acting in a way that I might in the same situation. That being said, I believe in the ability to laugh at oneself. As someone with body image issues being able to laugh at myself has helped me accept myself. But I know not everyone can do this. Nor should anyone have too. I hope everyone can overcome this incident.
Loved this. You are so on point. People are human. People make mistakes. And people who are aware, kind, and considerate apologize sincerely when they know they could've done better. Compassionate people can forgive AND have strong boundaries. To be a true Warrior is to not only protect/defend but also engage with one's own demons. That's a very important part of having healthy and balanced energy in oneself. What a great teaching moment. I appreciate that you featured the Voice of someone with alopecia. It helps center the discussion appropriately. Thank you for being such a wonderful therapist and human, Jonathan. You are so very cool in my book.
I think the were both wrong, particularly Will in using actual physical violence. That being said, my heart absolutely broke for Will, because you could see that he knew he'd made a mistake. He knew he'd crossed a line in a moment of emotion in a very real and public way, a way that he couldn't take back. And, in doing so, he's offered himself up to be publicly crucified. As a person who has made many mistakes in my life, and done things in the heat of the moment that do not represent the person I want to be, I hope that these men can accept one another's apologies, reconcile, and move forward. The one thing I've learned about making spectacular mistakes is that they can be vehicles to provoke genuine change. I doubt that in similar circumstances, either men would ever react the same way again.
As someone with red hair and freckles, and a strange personality, being teased and outcasted in my whole childhood, I can relate to the discomfort of Jaden. I did not follow these news streams about the case, only saw headlines and I didn’t really care. However, watching this video and seeing the sincere apologies, I teared up. That is the world I want to live in. Reminds me the night when we had our 10 years high school meeting with our old class, and a lot of people came up to me to apologize for making fun of me and excluding me in my high school years. One of the guys was holding my hand the whole night and was acting protective over me in a non-intrusive way, and I thought it was sweet. Yes, kids are dumb… and I, in my whole life, will probably never feel like I fit in anywhere. But that’s my thing to carry now.
Thank you for sharing the men's apologies- I hadn't heard them. I would love for more people to make specific, sincere apologies when they have caused harm to another, not the typical, "I'm sorry you feel that way" non-apology.
Thank you so much for this video and your thoughts on all this. They align with my own which I haven’t seen a lot from others who have expressed an opinion. Most people seem to be taking one side or the other but I feel like It’s more nuanced and it was really helpful to hear your thoughts on this. As to whether or not this is an example of toxic masculinity- I think that it’s difficult to say this single act is “toxic masculinity”. Some people are definitely more prone to violence than others, either due to their nature or environment, but I do think that we ’re all capable of violence depending on the circumstances. Since we haven’t seen this behavior in the past from Mr. Smith, I think it’s most likely not the way he deals with things normally. I feel that toxic masculinity is more an overall way of acting/reacting , whereas this incident seems like a one time reaction for some reason, but I don’t think we can say that it’s due to toxic masculinity. And finally kudos to both men for owning their actions and apologizing - which is the opposite of toxic masculinity.
The moment was textbook toxic masculinity. Healthy masculinity would have been seeking to protect your family and loved ones the best way you can. Toxic masculinity is seeking to accomplish that task strictly through violence. A person can have moments of toxicity without being inherently toxic themselves. Will has had 40 years of a spotless record as a role model and talent in the entertainment industry before this blemish appeared. It's unfortunate and wrong that the academy is overextending itself to punish him the way they did when they haven't punished any other actors who behaved way worse than he did. The punishment rings false and patently Ra*ist.
"vanessa mcwilliams" from what you read, was a first rate class act. I don’t think anyone could’ve said it better than she did. Thank you for reading that and putting that up. I had no idea she had done that.
There's a single little detail i would've worded differently: the "beside" in the end... to me as a non-native speaker, it's too close to "by the side" as in "in support". So i feel "apart from" might've been better.
@@irrelevant_noob in the English language, beside means exactly what it means, and is used legitimately in this case. As a native speaker, we understand it, and apart from is more formal what can in some cases, Rob what you’re saying of it’s empathy and compassion. Language can be used to build walls between people, or it can be used to reach out and hold each other as I think was the intent here. It’s all about the nuance.
@@LiluBob sorry, but if you're going to argue like that, i'll just dig into what dictionaries say... And in fact, the FIRST meaning of that word is "(preposition) by or at the side of; near"... and only the third one is "apart from; not connected with".
@@irrelevant_noob when speaking to a native speaker, a culture and a country that is not your own it is best not to be an arrogant fool. Common speech is different from formal speech, and, like I said, it’s all about the nuances. If you wanna be an uptight arrogant know it all go ahead, you’re not gonna make many friends, and native speakers won’t trust you. Why? Because you don’t have respect for them or their culture.
Theres a difference between teasing and bullying and a well timed joke done by a professional comedian. I was a victim of bullying for 6 years of my life as a kid. This joke was between adults who are aware of the intentions that comedians have. It seems like during our generation comedy will be dead and gone because people are way too sensitive to understand what comedians do and have done since forever. Again, jokes have to be delivered well in order to land well, and the joke Chris told was never a joke against alopecia itself, tbh the issue of alopecia wouldn't have been mentioned had it not been for that assault. Taking a comedians joke to heart just speaks to the insecurities of people. Making fun of oneself is what actually liberated me from my own insecurities and it helped me create a barrier where no one can touch me. Comedy saves people, it helps people. If only people wouldn't take every damn word seriously or better yet, understand the intentions behind it. This is why comedy exists, or now, why it existed.
What people seem to overlook is the fact that Jada Pinkett Smith is an actress. She is not some random famous actor's wife. She has been in the movie industry since she was young. She and her husband, Will Smith, are well aware of what goes on at such "roasting" events, as far as being the butt of jokes in front of a large audience is concern. Will Smith walking boldly on stage and hitting someone hard across the face because he and his wife felt offended by a silly joke is simply inexcusable!
I commented somewhere along the same lines as you (people who were teased as kids probably felt it stronger), not defending Will but wishing for Chris to think before he speaks, and everyone who responded to my comment lashed out on me, talking about "freedom of speech" and such. I'm glad you're saying what you're saying.
This reaction was spot-on and completely in line with what I've been thinking and saying this week. I'm glad I watched and thanks for including Vanessa's valuable comments.
I love how you look at both sides and recognize that both are wrong. I really appreciate that. Some of the best advice I've ever heard for joking as well as life in general, "If it's something they can't change in 10 seconds, don't mention it". I think this is really good to remember because it keeps us from saying things that hurt people that we'll regret later.
So many times, I've done things that I regretted. It made me feel like years of trying to be a better person was wasted over a simple act of being fed up, tired or excited. But the truth is, we cannot be judged over one action, it is not who we are all the time, it can just reflect a point in our life where we need comprehension and love.
My initial reaction was don't tell jokes that you're not ready to get hit for lol But at the end of the day Will Smith was wrong we're taught in kindergarten to keep your hands to yourself. Chris Rock was wrong. Jada is a person who can't help what's happening to her hair. And it's not the first time Chris Rock has taken a jab at her.
Girl we are taught that in Pre K. (There is a difference between rough play and being mean). The first thing that we are taught in communication is the word "no" and hitting, kicking, biting, etc. is a "no no". We are taught that at 2 or 3.
I so appreciate you addressing this situation. It certainly is complicated, and to include Vanessa's post was helpful in bringing to light an aspect of this that I would not have considered. I agree that this could very well be a trauma response on Will's part, and when you are in the midst of a trauma response, thinking clearly is just not an option. That this response on Will Smith's part as a trigger from his PTSD as a result of a violent childhood and the possible trauma that the Smith family is experiencing as a result of Jada's medical condition does put his actions in a different light. I do hope that both he and Chris Rock are sincere in their apologies, and I am thankful for your very reasonable video on this situation.
I came down with alopecia errata during the Covid pandemic. I was totally isolated, lost friends and wasn’t getting enough vitamin D. The joke landed badly. Something like that happened to me . Two of my friends joked about me looking like Gandhi which might be complimentary from a spiritual perspective but I had just broken up with one person and had been rejected by someone else and Gandhi wasn’t exactly known for his looks. But they apologised once I explained and I forgave them. That said Will Smith has a position of respect , people look up to him, if he had taken the mic from Mr Rock and talked about the condition and how hurtful the joke would be to thousands of alopecia sufferers and people who have had to remove their hair because of sickness in general he would have lived up to that responsibility. Instead he spread a harmful stereotype that men (particularly men of colour) can only communicate violently. It also paints women as property to be defended. It was a bad move.
Thanks for the video! I've seen a lot of other channels where the gist of the creator's reaction and/or the comments are basically "Will assaulted Chris and should be punished." Neither one of them were in the right here - Chris shouldn't have made that joke and Will shouldn't have resorted to physical violence. Will did show some restraint in that he only slapped Chris, he didn't completely lose it, but better yet would've been to not get physical. I don't think it was wrong for him to stand up for his wife - it was just a momentary lapse in judgement about how to do that.
What Will did was wrong but a small part of me is happy that someone put Chris in his place. His joke was making fun of a disability and the one right before was misogynistic. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't greatly satisfied when I learned the context of the slap
Great video, Jono! So many important aspects here. First off: I want to send you positive energies. When you read bad comments attacking your person, think of those of us who think you are awesome, handsome, competent, brilliant and 110% lovable. Thank you for sharing such personal aspects of yourself. It is really appreciated and is held dearly in my hand.
Will Smith's actions seemed very performative. In the last few days, other comedians have completely unloaded on Jada and how toxic their relationship is. I don't presume to know their problems, but anyone who reacts that way to any joke is having bigger problems at home. I understand why Will did it, but I am on Chris Rock's side. Every awards host roasts the audience, that's the nature of the job. And the GI Jane reference was a VERY mild joke even compared to jokes he made at the 2016 Oscars. It wasn't just the bad joke followed by the violent reaction, it was that the audience gave Will a standing ovation afterward. This is embarrassing for everyone involved.
@@AshLee92490 But people calling you out for a bad joke is expected. The internet shit all over Dave Chappelle for his specials, but no one punched him. If Will hadn't done anything, no one would even remember it. 1. He shouldn't have laughed. 2. Just yelling at Chris from his seat would have sent the message. Now this one stupid joke is immortalized and Will's win is tarnished. He was one the most loved celebrities but he made many people lose respect for him.
The only thing I can say by reading the comments and the press is people are projecting a whole lot of their own personal history into this event - and I make no exception It reminded me of this time when I was a teenager and in the school bus I shared my meal with a boy who happened to have Down syndrom, another boy aired loudly that it was gross and disgusting, but the big brother of the boy I was eating with was around... He snapped out in a split second and punched the assaulter in the face and all I thought was "good boy, he's lucky to have you, he's unfortunately gonna need it". It reminded me of the time I stood up for my disabled husband in a very similar way : someone (who already broke his harm once) was relentlessly verbally assaulting him. My husband was already broken in tears and begging him to stop, everyone around including me had asked him to stop. He lashed out for hours, we were trapped in the contryside, with no vehicle of our own, depending on someone else to leave the situation, my husband was in a wheelchair, the tone of the offender was escalating and his face getting scarier... Iit's only after I slapped him that he finally put an end to his avalanche of degrading comments - and all the fingers pointed at me for being violent, not at his abuse. It reminded me of every time we accused a victim defending themselves in an attempt to put an end to the unspeakable. Or blamed them for not having reacted strongly. Seems that there's no right answer. It reminded me that sadly people still think verbal and psychological abuse is less abusive than physical abuse. And how I advocate that you cannot treat domestic abuse like "it takes two to tango" and you have to intervene because the abused' intervention could never put an end to anything, they're powerless, and it will continue until someone from outside steps in. And at the same time it feels completely disproportionate... Chris Rock genuinely seems to not be able to read the room. Would I have been Will Smith, I would have assumed good intention and called him out saying something along "I will assume you didn't intent harm but she has a condition and shaved her hair to stop concealing it and you just shamed her in front of the entire planet, I think it's time to apologize" and would have react according to his reaction to that. But I don't know the background. I don't know if it's a first time offense and if there's already been warnings. I don't know shit about Will and Jada's relationship because I don't give a shit about famous people. All I know is I hate how their childhood background is stirred in this poisonnous stew because STIGMA, for Christ's sake. And I can see now how difficult it can be to step in when the situation seems so unclear and you're afraid to back up the wrong person. One really has to weight the whole dynamics at play. The only thing I'm rocksteady about is I don't see it as toxic masculinity (even though I'm a radical feminist...) I see it as a devoid extreme of standing up in front of an abuser if you see it happen in front of you, possibly taking the relay for someone freezing (you know, the infamous "but you didn't defend yourself", well, this story.) - and the necessity to condone ableism just like we do racism and all acts of hate. We had a very rough time during this pandemic with people spurting eugenicist stuff all over the place in total impunity. I hope that this disastrous incident could at least bring to light how common yet absolutely not acceptable ableism is.
I thought it looked more like a trauma bonded man trying to prove to a narcissistic person the extent of his love. I’ve seen narcissistic abuse victims do what appears insane as they try to prove their love while they’re stuck in the addicting highs and lows that come with these toxic relationships. This looked like that- the glance over, the decision to do what it takes to prove love, the complete lack of self that shines in that moment. I don’t know enough about their relationship to be able to say this with any certainty, but I wonder, especially considering that Jada has admitted to having narcissistic tendencies.
YES!! I saw the same thing, narcissistic abuse causing a broken person to act way out of character. Sadly it made him an abuser and a bully in that moment. I believe were it not for her, he never would’ve done that in a million years. I really hope he’s held accountable, and comes to terms with some things, and gets healing/help.
@@violax3735 If you delve into studying narcissistic abuse, you’ll understand why I 100% believe she is no victim. Both her and Will are narcissistic, most in Hollywood are, but I think for him it’s much milder and for her it’s much more aggressive. Narcissistic abusers put their victims through so much pain and shame that it eventually turns their victims into something they’re not, which is what I believe we witnessed. They also manipulate situation after situation to appear as the victim. Will is 100% at fault and 100% responsible for his despicable action, she didn’t make him do it. But I can also empathize with him because I believe we were watching a broken narcissistically abused man who went way too far. Narcissistic abuse often makes the victim do or say something that makes them appear unhinged, and usually the narcissist loves that because it keeps them looking like the good guy. It’s a sick and crazy dynamic, but I believe she drove him to this place through narcissistic abuse, but again I believe he is solely responsible for his actions.
@@jewelie1981 She is a victim in this instance - she was a target of a cruel "joke" while she was just sitting there peacefully. Her being a narcissist (or not) has nothing to do with it.
I was teased as a middle schooler. Kids called me dogface. As an adult I ran across a beautiful yellow butterfly called a dog face butterfly. Picking on another's differences or weakness should be something adults should learn how to discard. Wouldn't that be nice? It's not that hard, to not make that joke. To hold your tongue, or if you do say something mean, apologize. But unfortunately people think because they went through something similar that everyone else should too. Life can be good, but life can be very hard too. Empathy or just sympathy can go a long way. But also make sure you take care of your self as well. You can't anyone until you have helped yourself to heal. Thanks for all of your videos!!!
Thank you for your thoughts. Mine: I pay respect to Chris Rock and Will Smith. Both were out of line, and they owned it. The apologies sounded sincere, and for me, I think the situation should be done with. We all are humans. We screw things up, especially in an emotional state. We shouldnt blow this out of proportion. Will Smith defended his Wife against a hurtful, bad joke and went overboard with it, both men went to far- all that was hurt was some pride. And worst, Jada Pinket-Smith. The more the talk, the more the drama, the more the hurt. Its an pretty good example how to NOT joke in public about appearances and how to not deal with problems, we should take our lessons from it and move on. Celebrities or not, they are just people. And I absolutely believe that the pressure on them is incredibly high
Horrid to hear that folks are ripping into you! I love your clips and think you're marvellous. It sucks but I suppose the haters have nothing better to do
It's toxic masculinity almost definitionally: Will got emotional, and directed that emotion into violence instead of a million other ways he could have directed it. That happened because of what is expected of men, and considered okay ways to express our emotions. He was also defending his wife, when she is a powerful woman who can defend herself if she so chooses. There wasn't an actual physical threat where the physical differences between men and women are relevant. However, that doesn't mean it isn't understandable on some level. It's not hard to empathize with him, and the joke was in poor taste. In the end, there are no winners here. I hope they both learn from it.
When I was a teenager I went into a very dark depression. My family thought of it as an embarrassment. My aunt had a large house with a pool, and a lot of family gatherings happened there. Her husband was a jerk, but thought he was so entertaining and funny. He used to make fun of me when I came over. He would say things like "I bet if she smiled her face would crumble" and "give Newt a drink! Maybe she will remember how to have a good time!" I hated it. I hated going to those stupid get togethers with my family, I hated him, and I hated that not once did anyone call him out and say it was not alright for him to treat me that way. When I started to self-injure he made fun of my scars as well. When Will Smith slapped Chris Rock all I could think was "it would have been nice if someone had stood up for me when I was a teenager." Violence is not the answer, but I understand why it happened, and Chris needed to be called out for what he said.
My biggest concern is Jada. She was the one being joked about, but Will is the one everyone is talking about. Did SHE want him to slap Chris about it? Did SHE want him to bellow swear words at him about it? Did those things further HER embarrassment? Would she rather stand up for HERSELF? Who cares about Will acting like he was on Jerry Springer? I'm focused on Jada, the one this whole thing actually concerns. She said, "This is a season for healing and I am here for it." What a strong and courageous lady.
My first gut reaction was the same as yours, that I admired Will for taking a stand against his wife’s hurt and that they’d probably endured lots of comments at her expense and were probably pretty raw about it. However, when you sit with it for a while you realise that actually what he said wasn’t that hurtful. Yes the film wasn’t that good but GI Jane is still a badass. He didn’t actually make fun of Jada’s looks or say she looked bad. Secondly violence is not the answer. As you said he should have said something during his speech. Thirdly if it’s ok for someone to get on stage at the Oscars and attack someone because they said something you don’t like then what precedent does that set for any stage anywhere? Fourthly what does Jada think about it? Did she want him to do that? Although I’m going to presume they had some chats about this sort of thing happening. In the end I still have mixed feelings!
My reaction to Chris Rock's joke was the same as yours. I went and looked up the back story to GI Jane and was impressed. So when I heard the joke, my immediate thought was that Chris was saying, in a roundabout and not quite funny way, that he admired her for being brave enough to shave her head. Yes, I know about her struggles with alopecia, so I didn't find the joke funny or tasteless. The audience booing was a bit dramatic and would have been talked about for a few days. When I saw that Will Smith was laughing, I was upset with him. Why laugh at a joke about your wife? Dude, not cool! (I didn't even think that he was still laughing from the earlier joke either. I think it was just an automatic response, and a tasteless one too...). However, when Will Smith went and slapped Chris Rock, I was totally confused and upset. Why?! I thought. Then when Will Smith started saying to keep JPS name out of his mouth, I realized that the past history Chris and Will have about Chris's jokes about JPS, I understood. I feel like that since they both have stood up and admitted fault, this should be less of a story now. How the Academy goes forward, well, it is their show and they have the final say in the matter. I just hope that Will, Jada and Chris can find a way to have a conversation and move past this.
Jono, you and Vanessa nailed it for me! I had to stop and write a long comment. It's still there, a passionate, emotional one. But basically, everything was said by you and Vanessa.
My reaction is twofold. I can understand and empathize with Will Smith in this moment. For me teasing me is fine but do not tease my loved ones. However, violence is not the answer. So I agree with his words but not the slap. I don’t think it was toxic masculinity. I think it was done out of love for his wife.
My mom gave me the most powerfull tool to deal with people criticizing my apearence: "Kid, not everyone needs to find you beautiful. There is beauty in all sizes, shapes and colors, that means that not everyone will think roses are beautiful, not everyone will like chocolate, but there is always someone that thinks tomatos are the greatest, and people that don't like peaches. The right people for you will like you for you." I never cared again what people I don't know think of the way I look. I care of How I look to myself and what my husband thinks.
Honestly, with all the jokes Wil Smith has made about other people's appearances and how judgemental him and Jada have been towards others in the industry, he had no right to lash out. He could have simply sat there expressing his anger. We can't really know what was going through Will's head in the moment and don't have a place to judge. What is more concerning to me are the people who think this outlash was acceptable and that the joke was funny after everything has been said and done and thought through.
I really felt for everyone in that situation. I read it as: Jade's humiliation and suppressed anger, Will's polite laugh, followed by protective anger and post-aggression pain, reactivated trauma, Chris's genuine confusion and shock, professionalism and no doubt feeling awful afterwards. It could have all been avoided if Chris had asked for permission in advance to make the joke. In some ways, I thought comparing Jade to GI Jane was quite complimentary - a pioneer, a female warrior, proving that women can be just as powerful if not more powerful than men. It could have been restructured in a way that lifted Jade up, rather than coming across as insulting, with some discussion. It's not like Will isn't aware of comedic structure. I think jokes about appearance are quite commonplace, won't be going away anytime soon, but it's probably important to only do it about oneself as self-deprecation (or, with permission from said person). Hopefully we have all learnt something from this...a lot of people use humour and laughter as a soothing mechanism when in pain...I wish our world was a kinder, less painful place for everyone.
@@slecon it wasn’t about them though now was it? Even if they suffer the same disease the comment was not about them it was directed to Jada and if they think its a compliment that’s their opinion but they weren’t the ones addressed to be offended or complimented…
Yeah, I think calling it "tasteless" is exaggerated. It wasn't a funny joke, but it was a below the belt joke either. People need to stop whining and getting offended by everything. The real reason people get offended is because they know they can control over people's behavior by doing it and they look and feel superior.
I spent my younger years being bullied by jokers. Many of them my own family members. I was always the person to joke about. They would actually say I should take it as a compliment. They'd point out how their joke was funny and I was being to sensitive. I was constantly told I was no fun and I should take their attention as a positive; apparently it was "a sign I was loved". I was compared to tv characters, I was compared to animals eg a mouse, a bear - because of my curly frizzy hair. When I protested about that I was told: "but that's a compliment cause bears are cuddly". I was quiet, shy, emotional, sensitive, odd and in my mind ugly. Usually the jokes were around those subjects eg my crying, my hair, my sensitivity, me being odd etc. Everyone would laugh with the person and I would feel intense shame. If I protested I would be shut down for my sensitivity. I find it difficult to be told that Jada should have taken a comment meant as a joke as a compliment. I don't think it is up to us to make a decision on how someone else should emotionally respond, especially when it touches on personal pain. It wasn't a joke that she felt complimented and built up by, even if you thought she should be. I think what we say should build and not destroy and in this case Chris's comments didn't build. It missed the mark. If Will had not reacted inappropriately than I guess this would not be a story. Will did and now it is a story. People take sides, both sides justify and attacks get hurled etc. What is required is empathy to all involved. When we step into other people's shoes we see the world differently and context gives understanding (not excuses, understanding).
There were times in my life that I behaved even worse than Will. I've been bullied. Interestingly, while for the majority of people high school is hell, for me it was pretty ok. PRIMARY school on the other hand... ugh, now THAT was hell incarnate. Due to taking strong medication for my allergies my metabolism went all over the place leading to me being severely overweight (imagine Sam from GoT, that was me). But with my brain working fine I was still top of my class. So yea, a smart, non-fit kid... in a worst jock culture imaginable. That couldn't have ended well. However, aside the weight "advantage", I also had one in height. So I used it. They bullied me, they got hurt. And I'm not talking about a slap. I'm talking punches and kicks, grapples, etc. One time I threw one kid down a flight of stairs (luckily, he didn't break anything). But that's just it. Reaching the age of 12-13 I've realised how DANGEROUS that kind of reaction can be, how quickly it can escalate. That fact combined with realisation that the vast majority of bullies come from the place of hurt themselves helped me to better process everything. It never stopped hurting but I was able to channel it into non-violent responses. People still hurt me with words. I'm more fit now but I'm also bald (no illness, just genetics). And it would be so easy to just lash out in violence and hurt them (6'6" and 250lbs certainly would give me advantage in most cases) but as a grown mature man I'm only willing to use violence as a form of protection from PHYSICAL harm of myself and my loved ones or damage to my property. As such, while I understand Will and sympathise with him (he is a great actor overall and I think people talking about taking away his Oscar is a disproportionate retribution - 30 years of acting career vs 30 seconds of being toxic, come on, worse offenders that shan't be named still have theirs), I simply can't condone his actions. Violence can't be used as answer to words, no matter how hurtful. Because if it's acceptable, where is the line? How do we scale it? This joke was worth a slap but for the next one will Chris be punched? Stabbed? Shot?. Nothing is as quick as the escalation of socially acceptable harmful behaviour. I also do think the problem lies elswhere. It's an unpopular opinion these days (especially amongst the US West Coast inhabitants) but while I sympathise with Jada due to her condition, I believe her choice of lifestyle is hurtful to her entire family and is THE very source of Will's violent lashing out, the true cause that also connects to the toxic masculinity argument. He believed he had to show his "masculine value" against his... "competitors" which is no different to animals in heat. Mankind can do better and we should. Finally, I'm truly disappointed in the general society and I'm at fault myself here (at least I was until realisation). All it took was one actor slapping another and everyone immediately forgot about the REAL pain and misery and death in Ukraine... what does that say about us as civilisation?
I do think Will Smith's agression was rooted in toxic masculinity. There are other ways to stand up for your loved ones when they're made fun of. He could have spoken up from his seat like he did afterwards, he could have gone up on stage to stand up for Jada and make his points in words and he couldn't have been ignored. Up he went for violence instead. And to me, that him having been socialised to act on toxic masculinity sticking out like soar thumb, he even said it in his speech: to him, that is what being a protector looked like in the moment and he got a standing ovation for it even though his apology didn't even include Chris Rock yet. That just tells you there's still a lot of deconstructing to do!
I don't usually comment on videos or pretty much anything, I simply watch and like and I only recently started watching your videos and I must say I absolutely love them, you're incredibly insightful and your opinion resonates a lot with my own points of view, and when they don't, I'm simply glad to have learned another point of view. That said, there is no way I can stay quiet about this any longer, as much as I love your videos, your choice of having a glaring light over you is not the best one. I'm unsure if it's merely an effect of the light being so bright or if your lenses is just a tad dirty that it makes your face look a little blurry, it's distracting as hell... You have an awesome friend who is an expert on angles and lightning and filming, you know who-I hope I'm not being rude by saying that you should get a bit of advice from him in regards your videos. Anyway, I won't stop watching because of something so petty, but I don't know if anyone has ever told you this. In regards of the topic at hand, I'm glad you decided to make a video about it because I was actually a bit out of it. Continue making great content, thank you so much.
I feel much the same as you and Vanessa. I've seen people attempt to cover up alopecia, vitiligo, and the shame of being different. I actually have wished someone would stand up for me. I understand the argument against the violence. But I too am divided.
Out of all the responses I've seen on RUclips, the last few days, you and Lance of The Serfs have provided the only rational and balanced perspectives from my side of the political aisle (I'm probably being a bit presumptive, as I don't know your politics--but your values seem to line up with mine, so there's that). Nearly every other Lefty or Liberal I follow on YT or have noticed on Twitter seem to have lost their minds over this. The histrionics over a slap has been unbearable. Some of it has been practically unhinged (Judd Apatow... cough). Thank you for this. It was perfect!
I appreciate your example of mercy and forgiveness towards those that make mistakes. Those are attributes that I feel are very important to have, especially if we want to have healthy relationships with others, and I feel that it’s easier for me to express those attributes when I see them being demonstrated by others. Thank you for the measure of empowerment that I felt when you demonstrated these attributes of mercy and forgiveness in the video.
Kids used to call me Coke Bottles because I have always had a strong prescription for glasses. Now, I run the risk of losing my sight completely. It is a scary thing to have to face and I'm taking steps to prepare myself for blindness. I also have, shall we say, a stubbornly passionate side so I also had "Nerd Bitch" in middle school. It was a personal favorite after a while. Platonicly speaking, I think you and your wife are adorable. I'm not blind yet, lol. P.S. I've been watching Cinema Therapy since Covid puked on us and its helped me so much in my parenting and my marriage. I'm excited to see what you and your wife have in store for Mended Light. Good luck and God bless you and your family.
I honestly can't say that I would have acted differently than Will. Thanks to my own stuff I got sometimes temper issues and I flare up really fast when triggered with the right thing. If it had been about myself I wouldn't have cared, if someone said that about my partner I would have possibly reacted the same way. Imagining that my partner reacts like that because of me would be a mixed bag. I would be grateful that he stands up for me, but also have a whole lot of 'OMG you can't do that!'. Emotions are difficult and complex. I understand why Will did what he did, I am worried for him about the Backlash he is suffering from that. I don't believe that he is toxic. But I also agree that protecting in that way should be for physical threats. I'm glad they both apologized and are working on things.
Words to words violence to violence. I think so much more of Chris Rock for taking a very hard slap and not repairing with violence. THAT is what MEN should do. The joke was a mistake which he realized. Will Smith over reacted (human but not admirable) and Chris Rock realized he was in the wrong and while he had every right to defend himself CHOOSE not to. Actions are our choices. Great Job Chris Rock!
"Talking shit" seem to be a big bonding part in my friendships and I often thought about the comments we can exchange would not be funny taken out of context at all... but the point is that we know each other, we know each others limits and there is a safe way to tell the other person "don't go there"
If I may offer a perspective :) The story of when you were young and being teased, and you were in pain because you felt different: your feeling was exactly correct. You were different; you were (and are) a person for whom the idea of deliberately teasing another to intentionally cause pain would never occur / be acted upon. You were / are different because that behavior is a line that you refuse to cross. I wish you had had an adult around who could have clarified, "Yes, you are different - because you are acting like a good and decent person and they were not."
Thank you for sharing your experience with being bullied. I was bullied as a child too. I really appreciate your take on Will Smith's actions. I appreciate your analysis of Will Smith's actions and I believe his apology was sincere and even his actions were coming from a good place. Thank you for sharing Vanessa's comments as well.
I completely agree with you, Jono. When just one thinks that it's funny, it is not funny, it is hurtful. But let's be clear here - if you feel insulted or hurted, you should show it, you should tell. The truth is, we learned to hide these things because we do not want to feel vulnerable, especially in front of a lot of people. We do not want to be the ones who are in the way of fun. But how the others recognize that this joke was not right when we are laughing with them? We should take the courage and own our feelings. Thank you for being and showing the possibilities of life, Jonathan. We love you and your cheeks. ❤️ Post scriptum: I am not talking about Will Smith or violence. I am just thinking about the line Jono said.
I guess I have significantly less patience than most for Chris Rock's brand of "humour", because even on reflection I think it was warranted. This didn't strike me as "toxic masculinity" as much as it did someone at the end of his rope. I've been trying to think of a way to phrase this because it is probably going to come across worse than I mean, but I guess my instinct up to a certain point, this level of "violence" is less intent to harm but really to communicate "you were out of line". Super not okay if there's any sort of power imbalance (like a parent with a child, for example), but between two adults on roughly equal footing (and one having just made a really sh*tty "joke")... If I'm being entirely honest, even if it says something bad about me, I'm glad someone did.
I think it's admirable that Will wanted to defend his wife, but violence is not the way to do that. I've been punched in my face and that hurts. Will should have waited til the next break or even til after the event and said to Chris that his joke wasn't funny but hurtful and that he should apologize to his wife.
"How would you deal with someone mocking your appearance or the appearance of someone you love?" My brother has dark brown skin like our dad and bright red hair like our mom. My entire life has been spent, since my brother refuses to stand up for himself, verbally assassinating everyone who makes fun of him. Do I think what Will did was right? No. Have I also snapped and done something roughly as damaging to someone else? Yes. I made one boy break down in tears in middle school because I cornered him alone by his locker and told him how no one actually liked him, no one loved him and that no one ever would and I said it with such authority he believed it. Sometimes your mind shuts off and you know two things: 1. the person I love just got torn down and 2. I can tear down the person who did it. And then you go ahead and do it.
Regardless of Will's masculinity, his reaction to what was intended to be a light-hearted joke was absolutely toxic. That said, so was the joke. I think he would have been completely justified to call out the joke in the moment or after the fact, or boo it, or leave, etc - but adults don't solve disagreements with their hands. Toddlers do. And his choice to resort to violence to express how he felt about a joke that (however distasteful) was not intended to harm makes him look like a damn toddler. People say things all the time that unintentionally hurt others, I think the best thing you can do for these people (and for yourself) is to call out the behaviour, and make it clear that it's not acceptable and you expect to be treated with respect. If you choose to lay your hands on that person instead, you can kiss that expectation of respect goodbye, because you've proven you don't deserve it. I also think something that's not being discussed in this video is the audacity and sense of privilege inherent in the act of interrupting a public ceremony to assault another person on live television because you got your feelings hurt. If the rest of us wee peons handled every mean spirited slight in that manner we'd all be in jail. In my eyes, Will is absolutely in the wrong here. Chris made a bad joke, and should be called out on that choice. He did not deserve to be physically assaulted for a lapse in judgement. And really - anyone else tired of men thinking they need to defend we poor helpless females and therefore escalating situations and making them exponentially worse? Jada is a big girl and I'm sure she's very capable of defending herself. If I was Jada right now I'd have some choice words for my husband.
I guess I'm just asking myself if I'm a bad person for siding with Will Smith and thinking that Chris Rock was completely in the wrong here... because I keep seeing everyone being like "violence is not the answer" and it makes me feel like people would think I'm a bad person for my opinions on this. I'm also surprised at myself because when I look at my feelings, I think Will only went a little too far and I guess I would have thought that I would feel differently. I know I struggled with violence a lot as a child and I think it may have to do with impulse control on my part. I know I have a problem regarding how often I go "am I a horrible person" with small things and having one "bad" opinion wouldn't make me a bad person. Mainly I just feel like everyone saying "violence is never the answer" are ignoring a huge part of the situation. And also violence is so common, and I don't often see people saying the same thing. So much violence is written off as normal or acceptable, so why is this different? And I wonder how many of those people preaching not to be violent would have defended the policemen that murdered people of color.
My initial reaction was similar to yours in that wow, good standing up, but after my thought was "how can you let words push you to violence; isn't that the whole point of that sticks and stones adage?" I understand now that an extreme reaction such as this seems to be the only way our jaded society will actually pay attention to the deep seeded hurts embedded in our culture. However, this only seems to succeed on the "Hollywood" level where everything is overblown because what was big last time must be out done this time in order for it to be a win.
The thing I find absolutely awful about this, is the amount of people who are saying "she just can't take a joke", and "can't even be a comedian these days", and I know these are the same people who thought that bullying as a teenager was fine, because it's all just a joke to them. I feel like people who defend this type of comedy must just not be sympathetic, because how else do you think it's ok? We live in a world where adults honestly believe that it's ok to bully under the pretence of comedy. That sucks.
It is an interesting idea to talk about emotional violence vs physical violence. The way children and teens are going towards on social media these days, people are so easily hurt and the insults aren't even as bad as like 20 years ago. Not to be insensitive, but people need to grow a thicker skin. I am afraid of what will happen when these kids become parents in the near future.
5:06 The fact that Will initially laughed before realising Jada was the butt of the joke makes me wonder - if it wasn’t his wife, would he have just laughed at it like any other joke?
They were both in the wrong, no one should make jokes about something like a medical condition or disability, but Will could have dealt with that matter behind the scenes and without resorting to violence. although i think the heat of the moment might have caused him to react before thinking things through fully, as he loves his wife and wants to stand up for her if he can. (I also found it quite cool when i first saw it)
I think there is a point that we have to be able to control our triggers and impulses in order to be safe people. In life, it is important to advocate for kindness to everyone, but there is a reality that some jokes, comments, or people may trigger or offend us, regardless if they have good intentions or not. The answer is not to assault them. If you can't control yourself on live television, how is your self control when no-one's watching? Yes all of these people have triggers, trauma, and relationships behind the scenes. We all do. That doesn't excuse violence, or bringing unhealthy relationship dynamics or history (namely between Will and Jada) into public settings, project those dynamics on to others, or rationalizing toxic behaviour. I think the key is, when people become triggered, they often blame it on the person triggering them, or make justifications for their response (like slapping someone). But the truth is, these moments can be teachable without screaming and violence. The emotional reaction and choice to escalate is purely that person's wounding, and becomes problematic when its projected on to someone else. Did the joke suck? Of course! Should it have been addressed, yes. But if Chris Rock had no idea Jada had alopecia, and was simply referring to a character Jada looked like, as a joke in an attempt to do his job as a comedian, then it was a misunderstanding. The beauty of having different life experience from others is that there will be misunderstandings and ignorance in people you meet, but there is always an opportunity to communicate and come together. It's not about who's "right" or "wrong" it's about how can we resolve conflict in a healthy way. How can we honour all perspectives outside of our own. How can we be graceful and empathetic with one another. I think these types of jokes are made towards celebrities, because they are often so established and humble that it is funny, and no big deal to mess with them a little ( think Leonardo DiCaprio laughing about all the jokes made about his girlfriends). It doesn't make it okay, but it makes it more objective that you can make a joke about one person and they laugh it off and don't think twice, versus making a joke where someone laughs initially, see's how someone else takes it, and then assaults the comedian.What's the difference between these two things? Triggering. Do we be mindful of it in others, of course. But we can have good intentions and still trigger others. There will be things in life that trigger us, innocent or not, and it's how we deal with it. If he goes from laughing, to seeing his wife's face, to assaulting, to screaming, to crying in a speech 20 mins later, how do we think he is at home? In the world? How do we think his relationship with his wife is? Maybe his reaction is more indicative of his inner world then an outer comment or joke.In fact, I think the look on Jada's face was the trigger for Will, not the joke itself! That means the slap was very misdirected. In that case we have empathy, and hope he is okay.However, in a world where everyone has different triggers, I don't think we should internalize guilt and shame for hurting other peoples feelings, if we had good intentions and light hearts. Because there is no way to avoid that as human, and adults are capable of feeling angry, in fact it's normal. Adjust and be more caring, of course. But society seems to cancel people, blame and shame them, rather than giving them the opportunity to be human and grow. Shame and blame creates more triggering and animosity, or worse performative empathy, which we can see is an issue in Hollywood. I think this is a bigger wakeup call around Hollywood, and celebrities being so different than how they portray themselves. That the system is breaking down, so is the glamorous illusion, to show the authenticity of what's always been there, maybe not so pretty, maybe not so perfect, maybe not so kind, and maybe no longer working for our current world. I wonder how this situation would have played out, if all of these people were in a more healed state. If there was no violence. If the joke was made about somebody else.
I am listening to Viola Davis's memoir, and in the first chapter she recounts a conversation with Will Smith. He asks her who she is (meaning who she sees herself as, deep inside), and says he will forever be his 15 year-old self in the aftermath of his girlfriend dumping him. I wonder if that was where he went emotionally when Chris Rock told the joke and Will saw how his wife responded. Perhaps there was a fear that he would lose her if his reaction wasn't strong enough. I don't approve of anyone physically assaulting someone, but I've been wondering about what causes a celebrity who is usually very polished and controlled in public to lose that facade for even a moment.
After reading his book and watching his mini series leading up to the book. Will talks a lot about feeling like a coward and it being directly tied to not standing up for his mother when she was being abused by his father and running and hiding in other situations where he could’ve protected someone and he hid and how he’s lived with it. He also talked about how his situation with his father has caused him to be a people pleaser and hides a his anger and frustration behind his humor and is very focused on being likable even at his own expense and how all of this has defined him as a man. And he’s working through this through therapy…. I think at the Oscar’s everything boiled over he struggled to find the balance between being the “nice guy” persona and finding the courage to be the protector (which he associates with his manhood)… I also think it’s important to note that he and jada have been the butt end of jokes for 2 years now and he hasn’t been able to protect his family. I think king Richard has given him some courage to try but he has not figured out how to do so in a healthy way just yet. I hope will will find a healthy middle ground through therapy soon
Beautifully said.
THIS
Really great insight here! ❤
You're talking about a 53 year old man like he's a junior high student. If Will hasn't used his boundless resources to address his issues and get his house in order by now, that's complacency and willfully keeping himself ill, and that's on him. He blames others, and that's not what a man does.
@@MoeMentos no… that’s judgemental everyone grows and becomes self aware In their own time (if ever at all) both will and jada are actively in therapy trying to heal through their individual issues and it’s on no one’s time line but their own however long it takes it’s not a quick “fix” it’s continual work. Everyone on has their flaws and week points, it’s not to be judged or assessed by any one else
I appreciate how you discussed this without demonizing anyone. There’s been a lot of that but as you said, we’re all human and we slip up at times.
Well said 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Not demonizing? He demonized Rock by justifying the insane drunk behavior of Smith. Defending her wife of what? Was she in such danger that assault was necessary?
And then, we are the ones to blame for violent behavior. What about you condoning assault?
@@dmzone64 that was precisely my take away as well. And especially coming from a therapist I found it both distasteful and concerning
I’m demonizing Will. Demon on!
Stephen Colbert said something that I had said to my partner the night it happened, which was that just not laughing would have been painful enough for Chris Rock. I said he could have let the joke fall flat and stayed in his seat yelling what he yelled, if he felt so inclined, and that would have gotten the point across just fine. They were both out of line, but the fact that they both apologized and did it so very kindly shows that lessons were learned on every side. It was definitely "toxic" behavior, but it's good to see that they were both able to take responsibility and can hopefully now move on and be bigger and better people going forward.
The issue is this has been an ongoing issue with Chris rock where will has told him multiple time to stop the jokes at some point people crack
@@rubiatfusigboye316 Chris Rock has previously said he has been diagnosed as being on the spectrum, specifically challenged in reading human faces/emotions. So, there's a reason
@@Hawther as someone on the spectrum and who has friends on the spectrum, that’s not an excuse. If this was the first or second time, I’d get it. But this is a repeated problem where people told him it was inappropriate and he should stop.
Chris Rock never apologized. There was a thing passed around being touted as a apology that turned out to be fake and not from Chris at all
Bang on the money.
I've only seen one video talking about Will being ADHD, and seeing his reaction shift so quickly, it definitely reminded me of times that my emotional dysregulation/impulse control has gotten the best of me (especially when feeling protective of family/friends). The brain sees RAGE and then it feels like seconds later, reality is back and I'm immediately ashamed and feel terrible about my actions.
Adding in his stress levels with Best Actor nomination and his delicate relationship with Jada, I think it was a perfect storm of trigger points. I don't condone the violence, but I can certainly understand it.
Fuuuuuuuuuu(ck) same. That rage is scary when you're on the other side of it.
Idk about you, but for me it's like there's a psychopath switch, and once flipped there is no room sympathy or empathy left. Just rage. Like Liam Neason in Taken rage.
To be fair, it's not something that typically happens when people do things to me, I live in a constant state of feeling like I've done something wrong but haven't realized what yet. But uh, you come for someone who is vulnerable? Especially if it's someone I care about?? Run.
@@Victoria-dh9vb Yep, I've got a particular set of skills.. it's data gathering and I'm about to cut you a new one because I can poke at your insecurities like no one's business, no holds barred.. being late diagnosed ADHD, I'm realising the amount of CPTSD that I just didn't recognise, like hypervigilance (cough data gathering) and emotional dysregulation (RAAAAAAGE). CBT has helped me a lot in understanding internal vs external narratives.
@@Victoria-dh9vb I really recommend this channel, it has led to some really profound "Ohhhhhhh, that's why I'm doing this behaviour" moments:
ruclips.net/channel/UCbWvYupGqq3aMJ6LsG4q-Yg
I had that problem when I was younger, but I grew up and learned how to control and discharge that. It is NEVER okay to act out your rage on another human being. Go for a walk, do the dishes, sweep the floor, anything to interrupt your focus and move away from the anger.
Because we ADHD folk have really low blood pressure, we often get mad in order to get enough blood flow to our brains so we can think straight. There are other ways to do this. Take meds to raise your blood pressure a little, go for a brisk walk, jump up and down, but don't let your anger get out of control and start yelling at people. We are responsible for what we do and who we hurt with our actions.
@@eshbena blood... pressure... you're sure you didn't switch something up there?
It's good to hear from someone suffering with alopecia. One thing I noticed with all the immediate press coverage was that it was about the two men in the situation. The one who made the ableist joke, and the one who resorted to violence. No one was addressing the woman who was made fun of, her thoughts and feelings, or respecting that she is a full grown woman who can think, speak and act for herself. She showed great restraint in not into this fight, publicly and riding above the crap.
So, ableist jokes aren't violence?
@@moraynerblacksmith5686 Sorry, I was referring to physical violence. I didn't mean to insinuate that they're not.
Not many people talk about her, because she did nothing wrong in this situation. We talk about two men who either both did something wrong or just one of them depending on personal opinion of the viewer.
i did see some people addressing the woman who was made fun of, but it was literally doubling down on the harassment suggesting SNL do bits about her cheating on will, saying she wears the pants in the relationship, saying he shouldn't even be with her much less defending her because of "all her cheating." basically continuing to punch down, and refusing to acknowledge that that is, in fact, punching down. as usual whenever a woman is victimized in some way, the outcome is always that the woman ends up victimized further.
@@moraynerblacksmith5686 Boldness is not a disability. Men used to make fun of being bold all the time. No one ever had a problem with that.
For the laugh thing, I assumed it was one of those instant reaction laughs that you do in a situation you either haven’t fully comprehended yet or are unsure how to take.
Ya know? Like someone says some messed up joke or sketchy little bit, and at first you’re just huffing a little as you plan out how to go forward?
I remember being younger and someone made fun of me in a group and the only reaction I had for a few seconds as everyone around me laughed was to laugh lightly with them. At least until my thoughts started realigning. Does that make sense?
To me, it does absolutely make sense what you say. It reminds me of myself "laughing" at the misogynistic jokes of one of my (male) teachers back then at high school
Yep, perfect sense.
humans do not tolerate silence well. We 'um' while we put together a sentence to speak next, and we chuckle at things we might not think are actually funny -- because the alternative is outside our instinctual comfort.
I’ve usually been only Black person in any given group, and I’ve done that uncomfortable laugh at a racist joke. I can stand up for others, no problem, but standing up for yourself is much harder.
Oh, you described this so well! Yes, I know what you mean exactly. It's also what I thought happened here.
I enjoy your perspective, your ability to talk about the failings of both individuals in the situation, and your choice to highlight the apologies… it’s just very human, empathetic and focused on building up instead of tearing down. Thank you for creating this free content for people, it’s a valuable resource
My initial thought was of shock. The point could have gotten across with words rather than to strike another person who did not strike you first. I would have stood up for my loved one, but I would have only walked up to announce that they have a medical condition and that we should not poke fun at an autoimmune disease. If I was too heated to do so, I would have taken the time I had sitting to collect my thoughts until I was up to speak. Physical violence is never okay unless you're defending yourself or another person that's being physically harmed. Yes, there are moments where people have breaking points, but at a joke such as that at the Oscars? It wasn't even Chris' best joke, and it could have been taken one way or another. G.I. Jane is a badass character and Jada is a badass woman. It could have been taken as a compliment because it was relating Jada to G.I. Jane, but Jada took it differently because it was in reference to her hair. I know some people with the same condition, and they had said they would have taken it as a compliment because it's a brighter look on their situations. They felt self-conscious about their looks but being related to a badass character that didn't have hair either made them feel more confident.
Completely agree. Just to add, I wouldn't have felt "stood up for" if I had been in her position, I'd have felt terrible that I was the excuse for someone to vent their frustrations. Smith had plenty of time to reconsider his response as he strutted up to the stage, it wasn't an impulsive "crime of passion" by that point.
YES!!! thank you
That comment was more empowering: You can overcome anything, and she decided to.play the victim, and throw under the bus Will Smith.
As a woman that has always been teased about my obbesity, I completely understood Jada's face as soon as I saw her. I, like Vanessa says in her post, have seen that face in the mirror a million times. I think Will was laughing at the joke because, as he said in his acceptance speech, we are forced to smile to not ruin the moment or whatever, but those moments when we let things go, turns into scars that are so difficult to heal... I think WIll knows Jada's scars and that's why he lost it. Now, did he made a mistake punching Chris? Yes, he did, he ruined one the most glorious moments of his career and ruin a lot of people's night by acting like that. I love what Denzel said to him and I truly believe in his appology. On the other hand, comedy has to stop using people weakness to make other people laugh. Our kids grow up watching us laughing at comedians making fun of everybody and they think it's cool, then they go to school and become bullies, they hurt other kids, is a circle, it never ends. We have to change as society, we have to be better, it is the only way to avoid this kind of things from happening.
I also think that a lot of the people judging and critiquing from one side or the other are hypocrites because, given the situation, a lot of them would react like that in real life, so... What I'm most sorry about all this is that in a world where there is so much divisions, black or white, democrats or republicans, white or asian, Rusia or Ukraine, rich and poor, american or latin, adding one more reason to divide us is unbearable.
You have said it also well. I agree.
I wholeheartedly agree...you said it perfectly.
I wanted to let you know, you have made me cry (in a therapeutic sense) more in the past two weeks than I have in 3 years. You are a wonderful person, therapist and just genuinely awesome. Never let anyone hurt you, especially some keyboard nothing warrior.
I like how you took this video, ty. The last couple of days any time I've tried to say, both sides made mistakes I get told I'm condoning violence. I was even told "Will Smith is a bad person so it doesn't matter" which made me feel a bit sick. How can you condone someone making fun of another's medical condition saying it's okay because you don't like the victim??
People are making strawmen. I've also pointed out that both men did something wrong. That comedy can't be used as a shield against consequences. While also making it clear I do not condone what Will Smith did.
And people make a strawman, accusing me of the very thing I clearly said I don't. It is a rethoric that is very harmful.
@@Ikajo if he didn’t know about her condition then how is this a low blow? News flash-everyone is not tuning into Red Table like the delusional super fans on this thread.
@@smitty847 How do we know he didn't know? He very well could, he and Will Smith aren't exactly strangers to each other. Maybe he doesn't. I won't be making any assumptions about it either way.
As someone who's been a fan of both Will Smith and Chris Rock for decades the thing I've found most interesting about this whole situation is how many people are willing to give Will every benefit of the doubt for this situation and how few are willing to do the same for Chris Rock. Did Chris know that Jada had Alopecia? I can't speak for Chris but I didn't know. Did he know what psychological situation she or Will were in when he made that joke? Considering he's not a licensed therapist himself I doubt it.
Are we now saying that comedians and jokes in general should be outlawed because no matter what joke it is someone is going to get hurt regardless of intentions? Chris literally made a joke about another couple's possible schism over who will win an Oscar or not right beforehand, why is that one not out of bounds? What if there had been hidden turmoil in there relationship that Chris couldn't have known about but it offended them enough that they would've taken action before Will got the chance?
If so many are willing to bend over backwards to defend and empathize with only one party of this indecent but not the other I'd at least ask those people to look themselves in the mirror and ask why.
Chris Rock made the documentary "Good Hair" a few years ago, which was a wonderful film about the very sensitive topic of hair in the African-American community. Rock expressed his heartbreak that his own daughter hated the hair on her head, because it wasn't 'good hair.' I find it incomprehensible that Rock would choose to make a Black woman's hair a topic of public ridicule
@@clairenollet2389 It wasn't ridicule. He just compared to her to a movie character with a shaved head. Nothing about the joke was malicious. It was a dumb joke but it wasn't the big insult everyone makes it out to be.
@@jcdrummerz96 no the nuance stands.
You cannot as a black man speak on how bad misogynoir is and how it affects your daughter, how colourism has also affected them and weaponize a similar bigotry for a "joke".
The reason is we have had so much convos of black male comedians using racist, stereotypical and misogynoir humour at the expense of black women, he knows about it, so why would he do it?
So while I can say Smith shouldn't have slapped him, the joke was gross.
@@YourMoonJoy He compared a woman with a shaved head to a movie character with a shaved head. It could be read as a compliment given that GI Jane is about a badass female protagonist. Jada didn't take it that way. That's fine. But it isn't fair to assume any vitriol behind the joke when there is no way to prove that was Rock's intention. Nevertheless, Rock apologized, so I think focusing on the substance of his joke is pointless when Will's behavior was 1000× more egregious, bordering on criminal.
@@jcdrummerz96 there doesn't need to be active malice for something to be based in bigotry. Like I said we can agree that Smith was absolutely wrong but I'm explaining why many of use are angry with Chris Rock, maybe listen to what multiple black women what said about the situation instead saying it's just a dumb joke, especially since he knows better.
I have noticed an extreme amount of gaslighting when it comes to the Smith family. I do not believe what Will did was right, but the fact that everyone is gaslighting Will and Jada, saying things like “they are too thin-skinned” or “it’s just a joke,” is unacceptable to me. The violence is also unacceptable. As I have taught my kids and as you stated in your video, defending yourself physically should only be done when you are being hurt physically. If someone is using words to hurt, you have the choice to walk away, or in the case of my children in school, go to an adult and let them know what is happening so the situation can be resolved. There are other ways to remedy the situation, but verbal abuse (Rock), violence (Smith) and/or gaslighting somebody for “not being able to take a joke“ (the general public) is not acceptable.
Verbal abuse?
It is comedy. There are good and bad jokes. But that is no verbal abuse...
And while I do not think so called VIPs should be okay with everything...
A joke is what you have to endure when you are that damn rich and still making money by publicly talking about your private life.
@@siggilinde5623 So because they are rich, its ok for people to make fun of what is potentially a traumatic medical issue?? Rich or poor, why is it ok to make fun of peoples medical problems? If it were another type of medical issue would it be ok? What if it was a disability? Or is this more ok as it happens to be about a womens appearance, which is basically fair game. 💁🏼♀️
Perhaps one of the reasons Will snapped is because they have to keep pretending its ok, that its not humiliating or painful for her, because God forbid a rich person should have feelings or be capable of being insulted. Perhaps if they were able to talk about these things without futher ridicule or being told to suck it up, you're rich, people wouldn't end up reaching breaking point & doing such stupid things.
Baring in mind that sometimes it's a 'joke', other times people will have said things to Jada about her hair that was out & out rude & insulting, again & again & again.. it's not like it was even a member of the public, this was another rich successful dude, supposedly their friend, singling her out in a room filled with people, as an easy target. At what point does it become abuse to keep repeating the same 'joke' they never said was funny in the first place, when as a 'friend' you should already know they have received insults, abuse & harassment about it, & it hurts like hell. But its ok, because its tv, & it's all for a laugh. Ok.
@@madhatterline I do not care if a joke is about a woman or a man.
If it is a serious medical condition there would had been other ways to make it clear a bondery was overstepped.
But yes. If you are making your money by sharing your private life you have to expect jokes. Funny jokes, bad jokes, rude jokes. I do not say they have to suck everything up. They are just people. But come on. If you go to the Oscars or Emmys you know that there will be jokes. Actually...it is part of their work! So imagine we all react to something that pisses us off at work like that. What a world that would be.
I also agree that people sometimes snap. For various reasons. While it should not happen and most people regret it later.. yes it is just human. We all make mistakes.
So considering all this...
Yes I still think that a grown up should be able to behave himself at work and do not slap someones face because of a stupid joke. I still think that he should at least apologize like a grown up. I still think a standing ovation after that moment is kind of strange. And celebrating himself like nothing has happened? No. That is not how a grown up behaves.
I wouldn't call it verbal abuse. Chris' joke was nothing compared to stuff you hear from most award show hosts. I think some roast comedians' jokes can be considered verbal abuse, but this wasn't one of them. Joan Rivers, for example, would never have told a joke like this--WAY too tame for her.
My feelings about this are a little bit complex, so I'll try to explain it the best I can.
First things first, I don't think that there are any "bad guys" here. Both of them had inappropriate behavior in the moment, but I empathize with both of them and I understand why all of this happened.
When it comes to Chris Rock's joke, I can see how it happened. God knows I've had my fair share of faux pas when I'm trying to be funny in a lot of situations, even if I haven't been on stage. I agree with his apology in that when you are telling jokes, it can be very hard to know what lines to cross, and I truly believe he didn't mean to hurt or harass Jada, even if his action did do it.
As for Will Smith, I can also empathize with him. I too have people in my live that I would give anything for, like my brother, and I even though I don't know anything about his and Jada's personal live, I can only think that this medical condition has put a lot of stress in the relationship, so to have that poked and made fun of must have hurt a lot. I believe that Will's actions were warranted (especially in his state of heightened emotions) but they were inappropriate. I don't condone violence, but I completely understand why he felt the need to do that. I don't think he's to blame for wanting to have that dealt with in the moment, even if he didn't go about it the best way, I think it would have driven the point better to talk the microphone and speak his mind (especially because he didn't know he'd win), but, in the heat o the moment, people don't think, we act. I also don't recon that it was toxic masculinity to want to defend the people you love and to do so. I do think that one needs to think things through before taking action.
So since you think both people are not wrong, do you think what happened is okay ?
I mean even if it was after the hit Chris Rock's refusal to just don't talk about Jada are not "not knowing what lines to cross"
I want to go on record and say that you are an amazing human being & I absolutely love everything you have posted. Cinema Therapy is amazing! My kids & I watch it often & then discuss it afterwards. You & your buddy have an amazing friendship as well as interesting POV's. My adult daughter follows you & NEVER missed an "episode". Keep being you bc you TOTALLY rock at it. Thank you for your insight, your professional opinions & your POV as a dad & a husband.
I would have had respect for Smith if -- and only after consulting with Jada to see if she wanted him to make a response -- he had said in his acceptance speech, "You know, Chris, a few years ago, you were the producer on 'Good Hair,' which was a wonderful film about the very sensitive topic of hair in the African-American community. You expressed your heartbreak that your own daughter hated the hair on her head, because it wasn't 'good hair.' I find it incomprehensible that you would choose to make my wife's hair a topic of public ridicule."
YES
Love this!
Once someone in my band made a rape joke. JOKED about rape.
I told them that it wasn't funny, but they insisted that it was. Over and over again I emphasized that it wasn't funny, then they responded with, "yeah, it is."
Eventually I broke, sprinted to my best friend, and bawled my eyes out to her over the trigger. I can imagine how Will's wife felt after something like that happened to her on public television with millions of people watching.
I'm sorry that happened. That sucks. 😞
I think Will Smith was defending his ego and attempting to earn respect in the eyes of his wife. His family drama was been the centerpiece of the Smith family for past few years in which he may have felt emasculated and disrespected by the public as well as his own spouse. I disliked that Will Smith took out an internal and systemic issue of respect on the much smaller and less intimidating Chris Rock. I do not believe Will Smith would have done the same to an actor/comedian who was larger in size and had a reputation as a physical person like Terry Crews or Craig Robinson.
Having worked with addicts, men's groups, and anger, this incident was too reminiscent of "defending my spouse's honor" when through deeper work we realize that is "defending myself because I've felt so little respect in my life". Something Will has discussed in his autobiography and in various interviews.
I found Chris Rock's joke to be mild, however, if I was Jada, I can see how I would be very upset with this insecurity. The context of the situation is that Chris Rock's job is to roast and make jokes of celebrities as previous ceremonies have proven this point, meaning everyone came to the show knowing jokes and roasts were coming. However, the comedians did not attend with the expectation to be assaulted. I see fault in both individuals but Will Smith takes the biggest slice of the pie here because the use of violence carries the same justification of family protection whether it is about jokes about appearance, LGBTQ issues in school, banning abortion, or religious extremism. Both sides of the political spectrum may justify their violence due to a higher calling to "protect family values". It is a scary precedent if taken to its fullest potential and I disagree with any justification of violence when only speech is involved.
Also, Kareem Abdul Jabbar's blog on this slap was a nuanced and cultural view on this situation that is worth reading.
That was a good recommendation. The blog post expressed something that had been on my mind as well. That it was patronizing, infantilizing behavior towards his wife who could have very well defended herself against the words. I keep thinking that if it was me and my husband - I think I might not find the courage to say anything, probably being startled and lost for words, but so would he, and then later I would rant at home and talk to myself under the shower, going through what I could have said and he would calm me down. And then forget about it. The only one he has to defend me from is the occasional emotional abuse from my mother-in-law. Because it's his mother, he has to be the mediator. Sometimes, unfortunately.
I agree.
I also think the joke was kinda lame regardless of how you take it.
And to think just a week ago she posted a video about being bald and how she does NOT care what other people think about it because she loves it…
When I look from that video to his display of physical violence, of bullying, I am very upset that anyone justifies what he did. That was a decent walk for him to get from his seat to the podium, he had SO many opportunities to change course. When I saw what he did, I saw an abuser, plain and simple. But I believe I saw an abuser that I believe has been abused and shamed by that very wife for many years, and this display looked a lot to me like a horrible thing done completely out of character that often happens when narcissistically abused people come unhinged. I really hope he’s held VERY accountable, otherwise what message are we sending? But I also hope he gets some very good help/therapy.
this guy missed the boat by a long long way he was NOT making fun of a medical condition he was joking about her haircut he like myself and the overwhelming majority of people had NO freaking idea about her alopecia mate you blew it
Good to see a response looking at both sides & with the intention of reserving judgement. Also good to see a response from someone with alopecia included, though I’ve also seen responses from people with alopecia saying they didn’t find the joke offensive so it’s also good to acknowledge that everyone responds differently to words, especially joking words, & it really depends on individuals & their experiences.
From a personal pov (& I bring this up because I don’t think it’s discussed enough) when I saw “the slap” I immediately appreciated my husband (& told him so), cause he would never dream of stepping in on my behalf with physical violence in response to words, particularly if those words were a joke but even if words were intended to hurt me. He respects that I am more than capable of defending myself when it comes to words & would of course back me (with words not violence) if I needed it but only if I wanted that, rather than letting his own emotional response to my distress (because he would be mad as hell) override the course of action I choose to take. My husband’s a truly emotional person so I know the amount of self awareness & control that takes for him & that is super attractive! It’s why there was pretty much a universal cheer in Frozen 2 when Kristoff asks Anna “what do you need?” instead of riding in to save the day in whatever way he sees fit.
Another interesting aspect that no one is talking about is the “apology culture” we’re experiencing at the moment. There’s an interesting episode on it in the docuseries “Explained” on Netflix. It’s worth watching but to sum it up, we’re seeing a trend of people doing pretty much whatever they like & then issuing a public apology, which is starting to water-down the impact of all these apologies & also raises the question of whether we are actually becoming less accountable for our actions because we can wipe it all away with words later.
I’ve already said a lot so won’t go into all the ways this whole situation could have (& really should have) gone differently. I think that’s pretty well discussed already.
I'm surprised Chris even joked about that. He made a thoughtful documentary called Good Hair and explored how hair is tied up with self esteem and did this doc on behalf of his daughter. This was a poor joke because he knew better. I don't approve of Will's actions but if he didn't, people would think that joke was ok.
Like there' only this one way to make clear that a joke has crossed a line: hitting someone.
I can’t condemn someone for acting in a way that I might in the same situation. That being said, I believe in the ability to laugh at oneself. As someone with body image issues being able to laugh at myself has helped me accept myself. But I know not everyone can do this. Nor should anyone have too. I hope everyone can overcome this incident.
Loved this. You are so on point. People are human. People make mistakes. And people who are aware, kind, and considerate apologize sincerely when they know they could've done better. Compassionate people can forgive AND have strong boundaries. To be a true Warrior is to not only protect/defend but also engage with one's own demons. That's a very important part of having healthy and balanced energy in oneself.
What a great teaching moment. I appreciate that you featured the Voice of someone with alopecia. It helps center the discussion appropriately.
Thank you for being such a wonderful therapist and human, Jonathan. You are so very cool in my book.
I think the were both wrong, particularly Will in using actual physical violence. That being said, my heart absolutely broke for Will, because you could see that he knew he'd made a mistake. He knew he'd crossed a line in a moment of emotion in a very real and public way, a way that he couldn't take back. And, in doing so, he's offered himself up to be publicly crucified.
As a person who has made many mistakes in my life, and done things in the heat of the moment that do not represent the person I want to be, I hope that these men can accept one another's apologies, reconcile, and move forward. The one thing I've learned about making spectacular mistakes is that they can be vehicles to provoke genuine change. I doubt that in similar circumstances, either men would ever react the same way again.
I share the same sentiment.
I have been waiting patiently for you to react ever since the Oscars
As someone with red hair and freckles, and a strange personality, being teased and outcasted in my whole childhood, I can relate to the discomfort of Jaden. I did not follow these news streams about the case, only saw headlines and I didn’t really care. However, watching this video and seeing the sincere apologies, I teared up. That is the world I want to live in. Reminds me the night when we had our 10 years high school meeting with our old class, and a lot of people came up to me to apologize for making fun of me and excluding me in my high school years. One of the guys was holding my hand the whole night and was acting protective over me in a non-intrusive way, and I thought it was sweet. Yes, kids are dumb… and I, in my whole life, will probably never feel like I fit in anywhere. But that’s my thing to carry now.
Will: Laughs awkwardly.
Jada: Annoyed eye roll.
Will: That's it, Rock, you've gone TOO far now!
As always this was a well thought out and compassionate video. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and perspective.
Thank you for sharing the men's apologies- I hadn't heard them. I would love for more people to make specific, sincere apologies when they have caused harm to another, not the typical, "I'm sorry you feel that way" non-apology.
Thank you so much for this video and your thoughts on all this. They align with my own which I haven’t seen a lot from others who have expressed an opinion. Most people seem to be taking one side or the other but I feel like It’s more nuanced and it was really helpful to hear your thoughts on this.
As to whether or not this is an example of toxic masculinity- I think that it’s difficult to say this single act is “toxic masculinity”. Some people are definitely more prone to violence than others, either due to their nature or environment, but I do think that we ’re all capable of violence depending on the circumstances. Since we haven’t seen this behavior in the past from Mr. Smith, I think it’s most likely not the way he deals with things normally. I feel that toxic masculinity is more an overall way of acting/reacting , whereas this incident seems like a one time reaction for some reason, but I don’t think we can say that it’s due to toxic masculinity.
And finally kudos to both men for owning their actions and apologizing - which is the opposite of toxic masculinity.
The moment was textbook toxic masculinity.
Healthy masculinity would have been seeking to protect your family and loved ones the best way you can.
Toxic masculinity is seeking to accomplish that task strictly through violence.
A person can have moments of toxicity without being inherently toxic themselves.
Will has had 40 years of a spotless record as a role model and talent in the entertainment industry before this blemish appeared.
It's unfortunate and wrong that the academy is overextending itself to punish him the way they did when they haven't punished any other actors who behaved way worse than he did.
The punishment rings false and patently Ra*ist.
"vanessa mcwilliams" from what you read, was a first rate class act. I don’t think anyone could’ve said it better than she did. Thank you for reading that and putting that up. I had no idea she had done that.
There's a single little detail i would've worded differently: the "beside" in the end... to me as a non-native speaker, it's too close to "by the side" as in "in support". So i feel "apart from" might've been better.
@@irrelevant_noob in the English language, beside means exactly what it means, and is used legitimately in this case. As a native speaker, we understand it, and apart from is more formal what can in some cases, Rob what you’re saying of it’s empathy and compassion. Language can be used to build walls between people, or it can be used to reach out and hold each other as I think was the intent here. It’s all about the nuance.
@@LiluBob sorry, but if you're going to argue like that, i'll just dig into what dictionaries say... And in fact, the FIRST meaning of that word is "(preposition) by or at the side of; near"... and only the third one is "apart from; not connected with".
@@irrelevant_noob when speaking to a native speaker, a culture and a country that is not your own it is best not to be an arrogant fool. Common speech is different from formal speech, and, like I said, it’s all about the nuances. If you wanna be an uptight arrogant know it all go ahead, you’re not gonna make many friends, and native speakers won’t trust you. Why? Because you don’t have respect for them or their culture.
Theres a difference between teasing and bullying and a well timed joke done by a professional comedian. I was a victim of bullying for 6 years of my life as a kid. This joke was between adults who are aware of the intentions that comedians have. It seems like during our generation comedy will be dead and gone because people are way too sensitive to understand what comedians do and have done since forever. Again, jokes have to be delivered well in order to land well, and the joke Chris told was never a joke against alopecia itself, tbh the issue of alopecia wouldn't have been mentioned had it not been for that assault. Taking a comedians joke to heart just speaks to the insecurities of people. Making fun of oneself is what actually liberated me from my own insecurities and it helped me create a barrier where no one can touch me. Comedy saves people, it helps people. If only people wouldn't take every damn word seriously or better yet, understand the intentions behind it. This is why comedy exists, or now, why it existed.
Always in love with your content and the words you have to say. I agree, and thank you for your insight, Jonathan.
What people seem to overlook is the fact that Jada Pinkett Smith is an actress. She is not some random famous actor's wife. She has been in the movie industry since she was young. She and her husband, Will Smith, are well aware of what goes on at such "roasting" events, as far as being the butt of jokes in front of a large audience is concern. Will Smith walking boldly on stage and hitting someone hard across the face because he and his wife felt offended by a silly joke is simply inexcusable!
I commented somewhere along the same lines as you (people who were teased as kids probably felt it stronger), not defending Will but wishing for Chris to think before he speaks, and everyone who responded to my comment lashed out on me, talking about "freedom of speech" and such. I'm glad you're saying what you're saying.
This reaction was spot-on and completely in line with what I've been thinking and saying this week. I'm glad I watched and thanks for including Vanessa's valuable comments.
I love how you look at both sides and recognize that both are wrong. I really appreciate that.
Some of the best advice I've ever heard for joking as well as life in general, "If it's something they can't change in 10 seconds, don't mention it". I think this is really good to remember because it keeps us from saying things that hurt people that we'll regret later.
That is GREAT advice.
@@MendedLight Thanks!
This is the absolute best commentary on this topic. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
So many times, I've done things that I regretted. It made me feel like years of trying to be a better person was wasted over a simple act of being fed up, tired or excited. But the truth is, we cannot be judged over one action, it is not who we are all the time, it can just reflect a point in our life where we need comprehension and love.
My initial reaction was don't tell jokes that you're not ready to get hit for lol
But at the end of the day Will Smith was wrong we're taught in kindergarten to keep your hands to yourself. Chris Rock was wrong. Jada is a person who can't help what's happening to her hair. And it's not the first time Chris Rock has taken a jab at her.
Girl we are taught that in Pre K. (There is a difference between rough play and being mean). The first thing that we are taught in communication is the word "no" and hitting, kicking, biting, etc. is a "no no". We are taught that at 2 or 3.
I so appreciate you addressing this situation. It certainly is complicated, and to include Vanessa's post was helpful in bringing to light an aspect of this that I would not have considered. I agree that this could very well be a trauma response on Will's part, and when you are in the midst of a trauma response, thinking clearly is just not an option. That this response on Will Smith's part as a trigger from his PTSD as a result of a violent childhood and the possible trauma that the Smith family is experiencing as a result of Jada's medical condition does put his actions in a different light. I do hope that both he and Chris Rock are sincere in their apologies, and I am thankful for your very reasonable video on this situation.
I came down with alopecia errata during the Covid pandemic. I was totally isolated, lost friends and wasn’t getting enough vitamin D. The joke landed badly. Something like that happened to me . Two of my friends joked about me looking like Gandhi which might be complimentary from a spiritual perspective but I had just broken up with one person and had been rejected by someone else and Gandhi wasn’t exactly known for his looks. But they apologised once I explained and I forgave them. That said Will Smith has a position of respect , people look up to him, if he had taken the mic from Mr Rock and talked about the condition and how hurtful the joke would be to thousands of alopecia sufferers and people who have had to remove their hair because of sickness in general he would have lived up to that responsibility. Instead he spread a harmful stereotype that men (particularly men of colour) can only communicate violently. It also paints women as property to be defended. It was a bad move.
Thanks for the video! I've seen a lot of other channels where the gist of the creator's reaction and/or the comments are basically "Will assaulted Chris and should be punished." Neither one of them were in the right here - Chris shouldn't have made that joke and Will shouldn't have resorted to physical violence. Will did show some restraint in that he only slapped Chris, he didn't completely lose it, but better yet would've been to not get physical. I don't think it was wrong for him to stand up for his wife - it was just a momentary lapse in judgement about how to do that.
What Will did was wrong but a small part of me is happy that someone put Chris in his place. His joke was making fun of a disability and the one right before was misogynistic. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't greatly satisfied when I learned the context of the slap
Great video, Jono! So many important aspects here. First off: I want to send you positive energies. When you read bad comments attacking your person, think of those of us who think you are awesome, handsome, competent, brilliant and 110% lovable. Thank you for sharing such personal aspects of yourself. It is really appreciated and is held dearly in my hand.
Will Smith's actions seemed very performative. In the last few days, other comedians have completely unloaded on Jada and how toxic their relationship is. I don't presume to know their problems, but anyone who reacts that way to any joke is having bigger problems at home.
I understand why Will did it, but I am on Chris Rock's side. Every awards host roasts the audience, that's the nature of the job. And the GI Jane reference was a VERY mild joke even compared to jokes he made at the 2016 Oscars. It wasn't just the bad joke followed by the violent reaction, it was that the audience gave Will a standing ovation afterward. This is embarrassing for everyone involved.
But when Chris made that joke in 2016, Will & Jada weren't there, and he was called out by people for that joke as well...
@@AshLee92490 But people calling you out for a bad joke is expected. The internet shit all over Dave Chappelle for his specials, but no one punched him.
If Will hadn't done anything, no one would even remember it. 1. He shouldn't have laughed. 2. Just yelling at Chris from his seat would have sent the message.
Now this one stupid joke is immortalized and Will's win is tarnished. He was one the most loved celebrities but he made many people lose respect for him.
The only thing I can say by reading the comments and the press is people are projecting a whole lot of their own personal history into this event - and I make no exception
It reminded me of this time when I was a teenager and in the school bus I shared my meal with a boy who happened to have Down syndrom, another boy aired loudly that it was gross and disgusting, but the big brother of the boy I was eating with was around... He snapped out in a split second and punched the assaulter in the face and all I thought was "good boy, he's lucky to have you, he's unfortunately gonna need it".
It reminded me of the time I stood up for my disabled husband in a very similar way : someone (who already broke his harm once) was relentlessly verbally assaulting him. My husband was already broken in tears and begging him to stop, everyone around including me had asked him to stop. He lashed out for hours, we were trapped in the contryside, with no vehicle of our own, depending on someone else to leave the situation, my husband was in a wheelchair, the tone of the offender was escalating and his face getting scarier... Iit's only after I slapped him that he finally put an end to his avalanche of degrading comments - and all the fingers pointed at me for being violent, not at his abuse.
It reminded me of every time we accused a victim defending themselves in an attempt to put an end to the unspeakable. Or blamed them for not having reacted strongly. Seems that there's no right answer.
It reminded me that sadly people still think verbal and psychological abuse is less abusive than physical abuse.
And how I advocate that you cannot treat domestic abuse like "it takes two to tango" and you have to intervene because the abused' intervention could never put an end to anything, they're powerless, and it will continue until someone from outside steps in.
And at the same time it feels completely disproportionate... Chris Rock genuinely seems to not be able to read the room. Would I have been Will Smith, I would have assumed good intention and called him out saying something along "I will assume you didn't intent harm but she has a condition and shaved her hair to stop concealing it and you just shamed her in front of the entire planet, I think it's time to apologize" and would have react according to his reaction to that.
But I don't know the background. I don't know if it's a first time offense and if there's already been warnings. I don't know shit about Will and Jada's relationship because I don't give a shit about famous people. All I know is I hate how their childhood background is stirred in this poisonnous stew because STIGMA, for Christ's sake. And I can see now how difficult it can be to step in when the situation seems so unclear and you're afraid to back up the wrong person. One really has to weight the whole dynamics at play.
The only thing I'm rocksteady about is I don't see it as toxic masculinity (even though I'm a radical feminist...) I see it as a devoid extreme of standing up in front of an abuser if you see it happen in front of you, possibly taking the relay for someone freezing (you know, the infamous "but you didn't defend yourself", well, this story.) - and the necessity to condone ableism just like we do racism and all acts of hate.
We had a very rough time during this pandemic with people spurting eugenicist stuff all over the place in total impunity. I hope that this disastrous incident could at least bring to light how common yet absolutely not acceptable ableism is.
I thought it looked more like a trauma bonded man trying to prove to a narcissistic person the extent of his love. I’ve seen narcissistic abuse victims do what appears insane as they try to prove their love while they’re stuck in the addicting highs and lows that come with these toxic relationships. This looked like that- the glance over, the decision to do what it takes to prove love, the complete lack of self that shines in that moment. I don’t know enough about their relationship to be able to say this with any certainty, but I wonder, especially considering that Jada has admitted to having narcissistic tendencies.
You nailed it.
YES!! I saw the same thing, narcissistic abuse causing a broken person to act way out of character. Sadly it made him an abuser and a bully in that moment. I believe were it not for her, he never would’ve done that in a million years. I really hope he’s held accountable, and comes to terms with some things, and gets healing/help.
Wow. So Jade is the one clear victim in all of this, and yet we say it's somehow "her fault"?
Sometimes I "love" our society.
@@violax3735 If you delve into studying narcissistic abuse, you’ll understand why I 100% believe she is no victim. Both her and Will are narcissistic, most in Hollywood are, but I think for him it’s much milder and for her it’s much more aggressive. Narcissistic abusers put their victims through so much pain and shame that it eventually turns their victims into something they’re not, which is what I believe we witnessed. They also manipulate situation after situation to appear as the victim. Will is 100% at fault and 100% responsible for his despicable action, she didn’t make him do it. But I can also empathize with him because I believe we were watching a broken narcissistically abused man who went way too far. Narcissistic abuse often makes the victim do or say something that makes them appear unhinged, and usually the narcissist loves that because it keeps them looking like the good guy. It’s a sick and crazy dynamic, but I believe she drove him to this place through narcissistic abuse, but again I believe he is solely responsible for his actions.
@@jewelie1981 She is a victim in this instance - she was a target of a cruel "joke" while she was just sitting there peacefully. Her being a narcissist (or not) has nothing to do with it.
I was teased as a middle schooler. Kids called me dogface. As an adult I ran across a beautiful yellow butterfly called a dog face butterfly. Picking on another's differences or weakness should be something adults should learn how to discard. Wouldn't that be nice? It's not that hard, to not make that joke. To hold your tongue, or if you do say something mean, apologize. But unfortunately people think because they went through something similar that everyone else should too. Life can be good, but life can be very hard too. Empathy or just sympathy can go a long way. But also make sure you take care of your self as well. You can't anyone until you have helped yourself to heal. Thanks for all of your videos!!!
Thank you for your thoughts.
Mine: I pay respect to Chris Rock and Will Smith.
Both were out of line, and they owned it.
The apologies sounded sincere, and for me, I think the situation should be done with.
We all are humans.
We screw things up, especially in an emotional state.
We shouldnt blow this out of proportion.
Will Smith defended his Wife against a hurtful, bad joke and went overboard with it, both men went to far- all that was hurt was some pride. And worst, Jada Pinket-Smith.
The more the talk, the more the drama, the more the hurt.
Its an pretty good example how to NOT joke in public about appearances and how to not deal with problems, we should take our lessons from it and move on.
Celebrities or not, they are just people. And I absolutely believe that the pressure on them is incredibly high
You're a good man. You and Alan, Megan and Alicia. You four are making the world a better place, one day at a time. Thank you! 😊
I really appreciate this objective take on the incident.
Horrid to hear that folks are ripping into you! I love your clips and think you're marvellous. It sucks but I suppose the haters have nothing better to do
Well said. Thanks for a thoughtful and honest assessment. As usual, great job.
It's toxic masculinity almost definitionally: Will got emotional, and directed that emotion into violence instead of a million other ways he could have directed it. That happened because of what is expected of men, and considered okay ways to express our emotions. He was also defending his wife, when she is a powerful woman who can defend herself if she so chooses. There wasn't an actual physical threat where the physical differences between men and women are relevant.
However, that doesn't mean it isn't understandable on some level. It's not hard to empathize with him, and the joke was in poor taste. In the end, there are no winners here. I hope they both learn from it.
When I was a teenager I went into a very dark depression. My family thought of it as an embarrassment. My aunt had a large house with a pool, and a lot of family gatherings happened there. Her husband was a jerk, but thought he was so entertaining and funny. He used to make fun of me when I came over. He would say things like "I bet if she smiled her face would crumble" and "give Newt a drink! Maybe she will remember how to have a good time!" I hated it. I hated going to those stupid get togethers with my family, I hated him, and I hated that not once did anyone call him out and say it was not alright for him to treat me that way. When I started to self-injure he made fun of my scars as well. When Will Smith slapped Chris Rock all I could think was "it would have been nice if someone had stood up for me when I was a teenager." Violence is not the answer, but I understand why it happened, and Chris needed to be called out for what he said.
My biggest concern is Jada. She was the one being joked about, but Will is the one everyone is talking about. Did SHE want him to slap Chris about it? Did SHE want him to bellow swear words at him about it? Did those things further HER embarrassment? Would she rather stand up for HERSELF? Who cares about Will acting like he was on Jerry Springer? I'm focused on Jada, the one this whole thing actually concerns. She said, "This is a season for healing and I am here for it." What a strong and courageous lady.
When he gave his speech no one dared play him off due to time. Everyone hung onto every word he said.
My first gut reaction was the same as yours, that I admired Will for taking a stand against his wife’s hurt and that they’d probably endured lots of comments at her expense and were probably pretty raw about it. However, when you sit with it for a while you realise that actually what he said wasn’t that hurtful. Yes the film wasn’t that good but GI Jane is still a badass. He didn’t actually make fun of Jada’s looks or say she looked bad. Secondly violence is not the answer. As you said he should have said something during his speech. Thirdly if it’s ok for someone to get on stage at the Oscars and attack someone because they said something you don’t like then what precedent does that set for any stage anywhere? Fourthly what does Jada think about it? Did she want him to do that? Although I’m going to presume they had some chats about this sort of thing happening. In the end I still have mixed feelings!
My reaction to Chris Rock's joke was the same as yours. I went and looked up the back story to GI Jane and was impressed. So when I heard the joke, my immediate thought was that Chris was saying, in a roundabout and not quite funny way, that he admired her for being brave enough to shave her head. Yes, I know about her struggles with alopecia, so I didn't find the joke funny or tasteless. The audience booing was a bit dramatic and would have been talked about for a few days. When I saw that Will Smith was laughing, I was upset with him. Why laugh at a joke about your wife? Dude, not cool! (I didn't even think that he was still laughing from the earlier joke either. I think it was just an automatic response, and a tasteless one too...). However, when Will Smith went and slapped Chris Rock, I was totally confused and upset. Why?! I thought. Then when Will Smith started saying to keep JPS name out of his mouth, I realized that the past history Chris and Will have about Chris's jokes about JPS, I understood. I feel like that since they both have stood up and admitted fault, this should be less of a story now. How the Academy goes forward, well, it is their show and they have the final say in the matter. I just hope that Will, Jada and Chris can find a way to have a conversation and move past this.
I believe that a joke can only be considered funny if the person on the receiving end accepts it as comical, in truth, not out of obligation.
Jono, you and Vanessa nailed it for me!
I had to stop and write a long comment.
It's still there, a passionate, emotional one.
But basically, everything was said by you and Vanessa.
My reaction is twofold. I can understand and empathize with Will Smith in this moment. For me teasing me is fine but do not tease my loved ones. However, violence is not the answer. So I agree with his words but not the slap. I don’t think it was toxic masculinity. I think it was done out of love for his wife.
My mom gave me the most powerfull tool to deal with people criticizing my apearence: "Kid, not everyone needs to find you beautiful. There is beauty in all sizes, shapes and colors, that means that not everyone will think roses are beautiful, not everyone will like chocolate, but there is always someone that thinks tomatos are the greatest, and people that don't like peaches. The right people for you will like you for you."
I never cared again what people I don't know think of the way I look. I care of How I look to myself and what my husband thinks.
Honestly, with all the jokes Wil Smith has made about other people's appearances and how judgemental him and Jada have been towards others in the industry, he had no right to lash out. He could have simply sat there expressing his anger.
We can't really know what was going through Will's head in the moment and don't have a place to judge. What is more concerning to me are the people who think this outlash was acceptable and that the joke was funny after everything has been said and done and thought through.
Yess
I really felt for everyone in that situation. I read it as: Jade's humiliation and suppressed anger, Will's polite laugh, followed by protective anger and post-aggression pain, reactivated trauma, Chris's genuine confusion and shock, professionalism and no doubt feeling awful afterwards. It could have all been avoided if Chris had asked for permission in advance to make the joke. In some ways, I thought comparing Jade to GI Jane was quite complimentary - a pioneer, a female warrior, proving that women can be just as powerful if not more powerful than men. It could have been restructured in a way that lifted Jade up, rather than coming across as insulting, with some discussion. It's not like Will isn't aware of comedic structure.
I think jokes about appearance are quite commonplace, won't be going away anytime soon, but it's probably important to only do it about oneself as self-deprecation (or, with permission from said person). Hopefully we have all learnt something from this...a lot of people use humour and laughter as a soothing mechanism when in pain...I wish our world was a kinder, less painful place for everyone.
He compared her to a badass, strong female character. Such a mild joke. It wasn't even mean-spirited. I am really surprised by your response.
I think he was onesided. There are others suffering with allopicia that thought it was a compliment.
@@slecon it wasn’t about them though now was it? Even if they suffer the same disease the comment was not about them it was directed to Jada and if they think its a compliment that’s their opinion but they weren’t the ones addressed to be offended or complimented…
Yeah, I think calling it "tasteless" is exaggerated. It wasn't a funny joke, but it was a below the belt joke either. People need to stop whining and getting offended by everything. The real reason people get offended is because they know they can control over people's behavior by doing it and they look and feel superior.
I spent my younger years being bullied by jokers. Many of them my own family members. I was always the person to joke about. They would actually say I should take it as a compliment. They'd point out how their joke was funny and I was being to sensitive. I was constantly told I was no fun and I should take their attention as a positive; apparently it was "a sign I was loved". I was compared to tv characters, I was compared to animals eg a mouse, a bear - because of my curly frizzy hair. When I protested about that I was told: "but that's a compliment cause bears are cuddly". I was quiet, shy, emotional, sensitive, odd and in my mind ugly. Usually the jokes were around those subjects eg my crying, my hair, my sensitivity, me being odd etc. Everyone would laugh with the person and I would feel intense shame. If I protested I would be shut down for my sensitivity. I find it difficult to be told that Jada should have taken a comment meant as a joke as a compliment. I don't think it is up to us to make a decision on how someone else should emotionally respond, especially when it touches on personal pain. It wasn't a joke that she felt complimented and built up by, even if you thought she should be. I think what we say should build and not destroy and in this case Chris's comments didn't build. It missed the mark. If Will had not reacted inappropriately than I guess this would not be a story. Will did and now it is a story. People take sides, both sides justify and attacks get hurled etc. What is required is empathy to all involved. When we step into other people's shoes we see the world differently and context gives understanding (not excuses, understanding).
There were times in my life that I behaved even worse than Will. I've been bullied. Interestingly, while for the majority of people high school is hell, for me it was pretty ok. PRIMARY school on the other hand... ugh, now THAT was hell incarnate.
Due to taking strong medication for my allergies my metabolism went all over the place leading to me being severely overweight (imagine Sam from GoT, that was me). But with my brain working fine I was still top of my class. So yea, a smart, non-fit kid... in a worst jock culture imaginable. That couldn't have ended well.
However, aside the weight "advantage", I also had one in height. So I used it. They bullied me, they got hurt. And I'm not talking about a slap. I'm talking punches and kicks, grapples, etc. One time I threw one kid down a flight of stairs (luckily, he didn't break anything).
But that's just it. Reaching the age of 12-13 I've realised how DANGEROUS that kind of reaction can be, how quickly it can escalate. That fact combined with realisation that the vast majority of bullies come from the place of hurt themselves helped me to better process everything. It never stopped hurting but I was able to channel it into non-violent responses.
People still hurt me with words. I'm more fit now but I'm also bald (no illness, just genetics). And it would be so easy to just lash out in violence and hurt them (6'6" and 250lbs certainly would give me advantage in most cases) but as a grown mature man I'm only willing to use violence as a form of protection from PHYSICAL harm of myself and my loved ones or damage to my property.
As such, while I understand Will and sympathise with him (he is a great actor overall and I think people talking about taking away his Oscar is a disproportionate retribution - 30 years of acting career vs 30 seconds of being toxic, come on, worse offenders that shan't be named still have theirs), I simply can't condone his actions. Violence can't be used as answer to words, no matter how hurtful. Because if it's acceptable, where is the line? How do we scale it? This joke was worth a slap but for the next one will Chris be punched? Stabbed? Shot?. Nothing is as quick as the escalation of socially acceptable harmful behaviour.
I also do think the problem lies elswhere. It's an unpopular opinion these days (especially amongst the US West Coast inhabitants) but while I sympathise with Jada due to her condition, I believe her choice of lifestyle is hurtful to her entire family and is THE very source of Will's violent lashing out, the true cause that also connects to the toxic masculinity argument. He believed he had to show his "masculine value" against his... "competitors" which is no different to animals in heat. Mankind can do better and we should.
Finally, I'm truly disappointed in the general society and I'm at fault myself here (at least I was until realisation). All it took was one actor slapping another and everyone immediately forgot about the REAL pain and misery and death in Ukraine... what does that say about us as civilisation?
I appreciate your take on this, Jono. Thank you for your thoughts!
I do think Will Smith's agression was rooted in toxic masculinity. There are other ways to stand up for your loved ones when they're made fun of. He could have spoken up from his seat like he did afterwards, he could have gone up on stage to stand up for Jada and make his points in words and he couldn't have been ignored. Up he went for violence instead. And to me, that him having been socialised to act on toxic masculinity sticking out like soar thumb, he even said it in his speech: to him, that is what being a protector looked like in the moment and he got a standing ovation for it even though his apology didn't even include Chris Rock yet. That just tells you there's still a lot of deconstructing to do!
I respect the heck out of you for admitting your initial reaction. It took guts to say that. So I respect you for that.
I don't usually comment on videos or pretty much anything, I simply watch and like and I only recently started watching your videos and I must say I absolutely love them, you're incredibly insightful and your opinion resonates a lot with my own points of view, and when they don't, I'm simply glad to have learned another point of view.
That said, there is no way I can stay quiet about this any longer, as much as I love your videos, your choice of having a glaring light over you is not the best one. I'm unsure if it's merely an effect of the light being so bright or if your lenses is just a tad dirty that it makes your face look a little blurry, it's distracting as hell... You have an awesome friend who is an expert on angles and lightning and filming, you know who-I hope I'm not being rude by saying that you should get a bit of advice from him in regards your videos. Anyway, I won't stop watching because of something so petty, but I don't know if anyone has ever told you this.
In regards of the topic at hand, I'm glad you decided to make a video about it because I was actually a bit out of it. Continue making great content, thank you so much.
I feel much the same as you and Vanessa. I've seen people attempt to cover up alopecia, vitiligo, and the shame of being different. I actually have wished someone would stand up for me. I understand the argument against the violence. But I too am divided.
Out of all the responses I've seen on RUclips, the last few days, you and Lance of The Serfs have provided the only rational and balanced perspectives from my side of the political aisle (I'm probably being a bit presumptive, as I don't know your politics--but your values seem to line up with mine, so there's that).
Nearly every other Lefty or Liberal I follow on YT or have noticed on Twitter seem to have lost their minds over this. The histrionics over a slap has been unbearable. Some of it has been practically unhinged (Judd Apatow... cough).
Thank you for this. It was perfect!
I appreciate your example of mercy and forgiveness towards those that make mistakes. Those are attributes that I feel are very important to have, especially if we want to have healthy relationships with others, and I feel that it’s easier for me to express those attributes when I see them being demonstrated by others. Thank you for the measure of empowerment that I felt when you demonstrated these attributes of mercy and forgiveness in the video.
Thank you for all you do ❤
Kids used to call me Coke Bottles because I have always had a strong prescription for glasses. Now, I run the risk of losing my sight completely. It is a scary thing to have to face and I'm taking steps to prepare myself for blindness. I also have, shall we say, a stubbornly passionate side so I also had "Nerd Bitch" in middle school. It was a personal favorite after a while. Platonicly speaking, I think you and your wife are adorable. I'm not blind yet, lol. P.S. I've been watching Cinema Therapy since Covid puked on us and its helped me so much in my parenting and my marriage. I'm excited to see what you and your wife have in store for Mended Light. Good luck and God bless you and your family.
I honestly can't say that I would have acted differently than Will. Thanks to my own stuff I got sometimes temper issues and I flare up really fast when triggered with the right thing. If it had been about myself I wouldn't have cared, if someone said that about my partner I would have possibly reacted the same way.
Imagining that my partner reacts like that because of me would be a mixed bag. I would be grateful that he stands up for me, but also have a whole lot of 'OMG you can't do that!'. Emotions are difficult and complex. I understand why Will did what he did, I am worried for him about the Backlash he is suffering from that. I don't believe that he is toxic. But I also agree that protecting in that way should be for physical threats. I'm glad they both apologized and are working on things.
Words to words violence to violence. I think so much more of Chris Rock for taking a very hard slap and not repairing with violence. THAT is what MEN should do. The joke was a mistake which he realized. Will Smith over reacted (human but not admirable) and Chris Rock realized he was in the wrong and while he had every right to defend himself CHOOSE not to. Actions are our choices. Great Job Chris Rock!
"Talking shit" seem to be a big bonding part in my friendships and I often thought about the comments we can exchange would not be funny taken out of context at all... but the point is that we know each other, we know each others limits and there is a safe way to tell the other person "don't go there"
If I may offer a perspective :) The story of when you were young and being teased, and you were in pain because you felt different: your feeling was exactly correct. You were different; you were (and are) a person for whom the idea of deliberately teasing another to intentionally cause pain would never occur / be acted upon. You were / are different because that behavior is a line that you refuse to cross. I wish you had had an adult around who could have clarified, "Yes, you are different - because you are acting like a good and decent person and they were not."
Thank you for sharing your experience with being bullied. I was bullied as a child too. I really appreciate your take on Will Smith's actions. I appreciate your analysis of Will Smith's actions and I believe his apology was sincere and even his actions were coming from a good place. Thank you for sharing Vanessa's comments as well.
lOVE YOU MAN I think your doing an incredible thing and it hurts to know people say these cruel things
I completely agree with you, Jono. When just one thinks that it's funny, it is not funny, it is hurtful. But let's be clear here - if you feel insulted or hurted, you should show it, you should tell. The truth is, we learned to hide these things because we do not want to feel vulnerable, especially in front of a lot of people. We do not want to be the ones who are in the way of fun. But how the others recognize that this joke was not right when we are laughing with them? We should take the courage and own our feelings. Thank you for being and showing the possibilities of life, Jonathan. We love you and your cheeks. ❤️
Post scriptum: I am not talking about Will Smith or violence. I am just thinking about the line Jono said.
I guess I have significantly less patience than most for Chris Rock's brand of "humour", because even on reflection I think it was warranted. This didn't strike me as "toxic masculinity" as much as it did someone at the end of his rope.
I've been trying to think of a way to phrase this because it is probably going to come across worse than I mean, but I guess my instinct up to a certain point, this level of "violence" is less intent to harm but really to communicate "you were out of line". Super not okay if there's any sort of power imbalance (like a parent with a child, for example), but between two adults on roughly equal footing (and one having just made a really sh*tty "joke")...
If I'm being entirely honest, even if it says something bad about me, I'm glad someone did.
I think it's admirable that Will wanted to defend his wife, but violence is not the way to do that. I've been punched in my face and that hurts. Will should have waited til the next break or even til after the event and said to Chris that his joke wasn't funny but hurtful and that he should apologize to his wife.
"How would you deal with someone mocking your appearance or the appearance of someone you love?" My brother has dark brown skin like our dad and bright red hair like our mom. My entire life has been spent, since my brother refuses to stand up for himself, verbally assassinating everyone who makes fun of him. Do I think what Will did was right? No. Have I also snapped and done something roughly as damaging to someone else? Yes. I made one boy break down in tears in middle school because I cornered him alone by his locker and told him how no one actually liked him, no one loved him and that no one ever would and I said it with such authority he believed it. Sometimes your mind shuts off and you know two things: 1. the person I love just got torn down and 2. I can tear down the person who did it. And then you go ahead and do it.
Regardless of Will's masculinity, his reaction to what was intended to be a light-hearted joke was absolutely toxic. That said, so was the joke. I think he would have been completely justified to call out the joke in the moment or after the fact, or boo it, or leave, etc - but adults don't solve disagreements with their hands. Toddlers do. And his choice to resort to violence to express how he felt about a joke that (however distasteful) was not intended to harm makes him look like a damn toddler. People say things all the time that unintentionally hurt others, I think the best thing you can do for these people (and for yourself) is to call out the behaviour, and make it clear that it's not acceptable and you expect to be treated with respect. If you choose to lay your hands on that person instead, you can kiss that expectation of respect goodbye, because you've proven you don't deserve it.
I also think something that's not being discussed in this video is the audacity and sense of privilege inherent in the act of interrupting a public ceremony to assault another person on live television because you got your feelings hurt. If the rest of us wee peons handled every mean spirited slight in that manner we'd all be in jail. In my eyes, Will is absolutely in the wrong here. Chris made a bad joke, and should be called out on that choice. He did not deserve to be physically assaulted for a lapse in judgement. And really - anyone else tired of men thinking they need to defend we poor helpless females and therefore escalating situations and making them exponentially worse? Jada is a big girl and I'm sure she's very capable of defending herself. If I was Jada right now I'd have some choice words for my husband.
I guess I'm just asking myself if I'm a bad person for siding with Will Smith and thinking that Chris Rock was completely in the wrong here... because I keep seeing everyone being like "violence is not the answer" and it makes me feel like people would think I'm a bad person for my opinions on this. I'm also surprised at myself because when I look at my feelings, I think Will only went a little too far and I guess I would have thought that I would feel differently. I know I struggled with violence a lot as a child and I think it may have to do with impulse control on my part. I know I have a problem regarding how often I go "am I a horrible person" with small things and having one "bad" opinion wouldn't make me a bad person. Mainly I just feel like everyone saying "violence is never the answer" are ignoring a huge part of the situation. And also violence is so common, and I don't often see people saying the same thing. So much violence is written off as normal or acceptable, so why is this different? And I wonder how many of those people preaching not to be violent would have defended the policemen that murdered people of color.
Jono you are a treasure!
My initial reaction was similar to yours in that wow, good standing up, but after my thought was "how can you let words push you to violence; isn't that the whole point of that sticks and stones adage?" I understand now that an extreme reaction such as this seems to be the only way our jaded society will actually pay attention to the deep seeded hurts embedded in our culture. However, this only seems to succeed on the "Hollywood" level where everything is overblown because what was big last time must be out done this time in order for it to be a win.
The thing I find absolutely awful about this, is the amount of people who are saying "she just can't take a joke", and "can't even be a comedian these days", and I know these are the same people who thought that bullying as a teenager was fine, because it's all just a joke to them. I feel like people who defend this type of comedy must just not be sympathetic, because how else do you think it's ok? We live in a world where adults honestly believe that it's ok to bully under the pretence of comedy. That sucks.
It is an interesting idea to talk about emotional violence vs physical violence. The way children and teens are going towards on social media these days, people are so easily hurt and the insults aren't even as bad as like 20 years ago. Not to be insensitive, but people need to grow a thicker skin. I am afraid of what will happen when these kids become parents in the near future.
Perhaps there would be regulations for even hurting someone emotionally, sounds ridiculous, but the laws are changing.
My therapist said that he thinks will did it not out of anger but out of fear of going home to Jada that night having laughed at the joke lol
I watched the video again. I have to say, if someone that age did that in the library, my very first thought would be "dementia".
When I first saw it, I thought it was a joke about Jada’s green dress.
5:06 The fact that Will initially laughed before realising Jada was the butt of the joke makes me wonder - if it wasn’t his wife, would he have just laughed at it like any other joke?
They were both in the wrong, no one should make jokes about something like a medical condition or disability, but Will could have dealt with that matter behind the scenes and without resorting to violence. although i think the heat of the moment might have caused him to react before thinking things through fully, as he loves his wife and wants to stand up for her if he can. (I also found it quite cool when i first saw it)
Thank you! I thought the joke was a little uncalled for too.
I think there is a point that we have to be able to control our triggers and impulses in order to be safe people. In life, it is important to advocate for kindness to everyone, but there is a reality that some jokes, comments, or people may trigger or offend us, regardless if they have good intentions or not. The answer is not to assault them. If you can't control yourself on live television, how is your self control when no-one's watching? Yes all of these people have triggers, trauma, and relationships behind the scenes. We all do. That doesn't excuse violence, or bringing unhealthy relationship dynamics or history (namely between Will and Jada) into public settings, project those dynamics on to others, or rationalizing toxic behaviour. I think the key is, when people become triggered, they often blame it on the person triggering them, or make justifications for their response (like slapping someone). But the truth is, these moments can be teachable without screaming and violence. The emotional reaction and choice to escalate is purely that person's wounding, and becomes problematic when its projected on to someone else. Did the joke suck? Of course! Should it have been addressed, yes. But if Chris Rock had no idea Jada had alopecia, and was simply referring to a character Jada looked like, as a joke in an attempt to do his job as a comedian, then it was a misunderstanding. The beauty of having different life experience from others is that there will be misunderstandings and ignorance in people you meet, but there is always an opportunity to communicate and come together. It's not about who's "right" or "wrong" it's about how can we resolve conflict in a healthy way. How can we honour all perspectives outside of our own. How can we be graceful and empathetic with one another. I think these types of jokes are made towards celebrities, because they are often so established and humble that it is funny, and no big deal to mess with them a little ( think Leonardo DiCaprio laughing about all the jokes made about his girlfriends). It doesn't make it okay, but it makes it more objective that you can make a joke about one person and they laugh it off and don't think twice, versus making a joke where someone laughs initially, see's how someone else takes it, and then assaults the comedian.What's the difference between these two things? Triggering. Do we be mindful of it in others, of course. But we can have good intentions and still trigger others. There will be things in life that trigger us, innocent or not, and it's how we deal with it. If he goes from laughing, to seeing his wife's face, to assaulting, to screaming, to crying in a speech 20 mins later, how do we think he is at home? In the world? How do we think his relationship with his wife is? Maybe his reaction is more indicative of his inner world then an outer comment or joke.In fact, I think the look on Jada's face was the trigger for Will, not the joke itself! That means the slap was very misdirected. In that case we have empathy, and hope he is okay.However, in a world where everyone has different triggers, I don't think we should internalize guilt and shame for hurting other peoples feelings, if we had good intentions and light hearts. Because there is no way to avoid that as human, and adults are capable of feeling angry, in fact it's normal. Adjust and be more caring, of course. But society seems to cancel people, blame and shame them, rather than giving them the opportunity to be human and grow. Shame and blame creates more triggering and animosity, or worse performative empathy, which we can see is an issue in Hollywood. I think this is a bigger wakeup call around Hollywood, and celebrities being so different than how they portray themselves. That the system is breaking down, so is the glamorous illusion, to show the authenticity of what's always been there, maybe not so pretty, maybe not so perfect, maybe not so kind, and maybe no longer working for our current world. I wonder how this situation would have played out, if all of these people were in a more healed state. If there was no violence. If the joke was made about somebody else.
I am listening to Viola Davis's memoir, and in the first chapter she recounts a conversation with Will Smith. He asks her who she is (meaning who she sees herself as, deep inside), and says he will forever be his 15 year-old self in the aftermath of his girlfriend dumping him. I wonder if that was where he went emotionally when Chris Rock told the joke and Will saw how his wife responded. Perhaps there was a fear that he would lose her if his reaction wasn't strong enough.
I don't approve of anyone physically assaulting someone, but I've been wondering about what causes a celebrity who is usually very polished and controlled in public to lose that facade for even a moment.