Or having American friends, most of which are too individualistic to be a friend. Even the “real” ones are there when it suits them, treat you just good enough that you like them, then when it doesn’t suit them you are less than a rat to them
@joelceda3500 Yes, they exist in every part of the world in case you forgot. Its 100% about nationality when it comes to how rare or common they are. Culture influences people a lot, never said all Americans are cruel its just the good ones are as rare as unicorns. Imagine if the US was a true dictatorship or was a war torn nation, the bad side of Americans is still not fully exposed
@joelceda3500 The things I love about the USA as a country is how great it is on the macro level. It's powerful overall, got the military, has valuable currency, and the richest people. But the majority of individual Americans are just rotten, rich or poor
@gammaarmy9547 I agree nationality plays a big role. People who are also children of immigrants are much better friends than American people in my experience
Lost quite a few friendships due to this, I was always giving and they were always taking, I'm just glad I still have a few solid and real friendships and not all of them were one way
Sometime it is like you are the only one to try to do something, try to organize something. People drag their feet, cancel at the last moment, don't care... at some point you get burned. I don't understand. I think people needs to learn how to enjoy life. Someone needs to teach them how to live.
I know good people exist but everyone I've ever met (that isn't a family member) does not give a flying fig newton about anything that doesn't benefit them.
This is exactly the issue imo. People only want to talk about what they are interested in, they only have ideas about the things they like doing or the places they like to go to. And if you dare to disagree, it's either ignored or the end of the world and friendship. I'm more than happy to talk about the passions of my friends and go to new places, but I don't like not being listened to in return, and I don't like it when I say a place doesn't work for me and they just try to push it onto me and ignore the reasons I'm stating it won't work.
I invited a whole mom group over for a play date, the only person who responded ended up canceling last minute. I spent money and even rearranged furniture to set up play stations. Its disappointing.
You're a brave person for trying to set all that up though. This is exactly why I don't set up house parties and only do meetups at restaurants. I'm sorry for the flaky mom and the ones who couldn't be bothered to respond!
Boosted_ajwe aren’t meant to agree, that’s the problem. We’re meant to communicate about the things we view differently and not take it personal or make it personal. Being friends is being real about each other’s thoughts and holding each other accountable. People can’t handle accountability
The worst part for me, is I'm considered 'shy' and yet I go out of my way to try to talk to people and everytime I do they say "let's talk again sometime" and then they never get back in touch. :/
For real!!! Or when I’m having a decently good conversation with someone and as a result we exchange numbers or socials and then we don’t even end up talking again like what
Just turned 21. Absolutely no friends. Not by choice. But genuinely try having a conversation with someone our age in your area and see how that goes smh.
28 here.....I have friends from my basic school here in Jamaica....who I still have contact with...high school friends....strangers who I befriended....in their 80s and below....
I don't have many friends either, although it's kind of by choice. There's too many stupid people and I wouldn't benefit from associating myself with them.
@shara-leeroberts That's because it's Jamaica, not America or in more polite terms the United States. Literally in any part of the world people are just BETTER than Americans from my experience, and that includes "rude" countries like the UK and Germany
I’m currently in college studying to be a therapist, and I can tell you 100% that everyone on social media who uses therapy speak has absolutely no idea what they’re even talking about. They use these big technical terms without actually knowing what those terms are supposed to mean. And everyone in general that lane is very heavily into what I will call therapy culture overlook the most important part of therapy, which is the part where the whole point of it is to teach you to be accountable for your own actions.
Quick story I was-- unintentionally or not-- heavily isolated as a kid. Im talking barely any friends at school if any, severely bullied, and wasnt able to go in public places often or places where i could keep friends. It sucked and I am still recovering from that combined with my parents emotionally neglecting me. Isolation does things to a person, especially prolonged isolation. If you can cut bad habits and stop self sabotaging, start today. Please. I literally am still learning how to properly interact with people from YEARS of isolation, so just. Please dont do that to yourself
The honestly sucky part is feeling like you have to constantly push to have friends. Like, I used to be in this friend group, and I ended leaving it because I felt like I had to push to even be so much as acknowledged. It took nearly six months of me telling them that I want to hang out with them for them to finally invite me to something, and then they didn't even tell me the time it was happening. It's stuff like that which makes friendship with other Gen Z people insufferable imo.
1:50 As brazilian, can confirm. Everyone in low-middle class know each other and lend stuff, call for help, do small talk and even share food in special occasions. But if you are slightly high classed, you already can tell it's way more lonely. I've been in both spectrums, it's interesting.
My parents is from Colombia and one of the biggest things I notice so how much friendlier people were there and how in the US everybody only cares about themselves
Some of the issue is the lack of 'third spaces' as you said. People are like 'oh if you want friends go out and drink' but that isn't fun, and that isn't really how you make friends as an adult either. A lot of these people aren't loners, they just want to spend the evening around the fire with people they developed a bond with.
Nah fr, in highschool I'd hang with other kids & all they'd want to do is drinking games. I tried to initiate a pushup version instead & I did it alone while everyone else drank & the only other non-drinker just sat there ...
I used to admittedly think this way, that friends are not logical and interfere with my life goals and dreams, but it didn't take long for me to realize my friends are a part of the reason I'm chasing my goals and dreams.
My friends are the opposite, Ive been trying to learn how to animate and join my school's singing competition but after getting their feedback I feel demotivated,embarassed and a bit shaken up?? (If that makes sense) I get there's such a thing as constructive criticism but I got literally no positives at all so I'm contemplating on just going back to being that kid who plays games in the school library
@Damani-k8x I consider myself a Creator, and I've come to understand that not everyone else lives in the same world as I do or thinks the same way I do. I acknowledge that some people don't understand what I do and don't see it the same way. I've been making games for 8 years, composing music and writing stories for 2 years, Film editing for 6, and Graphic designing for 4. And my own family, who aren't in that world of 'Creation', views me as unproductive, and in desperate need of a J^B. So when people, friends, or family criticize what you do, take into account their perspective and where they're coming from, because some opinions are worth more than others. That's just what I think.
yeah I haven't forgotten about some of my friends from highschool but I've just never stayed in touch with them but not by choice, I've never had a phone up until like age 18 or so and just no phone no contact info asking crossed my mind at the time
My problem of why it's so hard to make friends is that... well, I never really had a chance to KEEP any friends I made. Every time I got a friend group, I'd end up getring dragged to some other area away because we moved. I didn't have a phone until highschool but by then, I became so apathetic to the idea of making friends that it's become a challenge to open up to people outside of work. I'm trying to change that as I'm planning on joining an in-person DND group soon, but it's been lonely for me...
Dnd and card games have a whole community nobody knows about because theyre running 6 hour sessions in the basement! You probably have a physical store near you that sells stuff and hosts events and games if you're into that
It's definitely hard and can be discolraging but I firmly believe you just have go keep getting back up. Enjoy the journey but letting people go is important too. Good luck.
Sounds just like me but in high school I kinda got lucky I was the only person with a car so I became the driver also I ended up hanging out with the pots heads they were pretty easy to be friends with
A few weeks ago, I made plans with a friend to go to the cinema and my alarm ended up not going off and I couldn't get to the cinema in time and my friend was already there, I felt so bad and my family kept telling me "If I was her I would never speak to you again" but that friend was fine about it! She still jokes about it to this day, but I still remember how scared I was that she would never speak to me again but that is what I have been taught to expect.
Im done trying to make friends as people dont message me back or see me as someone to help them do something. Sometimes they get jealous of the things i have or can do and then they want to see me fail.
I think another factor to GenZ issues is that we’re not given autonomy until 18. The pandemic started when I was 15, and three years later it was over. And then every adult I knew turned to me and asked me why I didn’t have a job or why I wasn’t saving up for a house, or going to school or “doing SOMETHING useful!” It extends a lot further than that though. Millennials were able to run around at 16 years old once they got a car, or just straight up HAD to make friends and do stuff in person. As a Gen Z, adults would get mad at me for walking in a small downtown area with my friend because we didn’t have an adult with us. Gen Z’s been priced out of everything, we didn’t have autonomy or freedom, our parents simultaneously neglected us (because they never needed their parents to deal with things, they had friends) and were made to be overbearing by law, and then we got dumped on the doorstep of adulthood’s porch with everyone pointing at us yelling for why we have no social skills or confidence. Umm… maybe because if I had walked around at 10 years old I’d have gotten the cops called on me? My mom’s a Gen X and I asked her how old she was when she started leaving the house and doing things without parental supervision. She was five years old and had a seven year old sister who she was meant to stick near. But otherwise the rules were to stay in the neighborhood and to go to a neighbor’s door if something creepy happened. Like… hmmm… I wonder if autonomy and relationship skills have to be developed through years of experience…
Can conform. I'm older than you, but due to severe health issues my parents were also overprotective. It's really hard to make friends when you have no autonomy, or wonder every time if your parents will deem them "bad influences". Being bullied in middle school also didn't help with confidence. And even if I got along with someone, we never had much of an opportunity to just spend time outside of school.
Is Gen Z need to just survive, the older generations will die and then there will be lots of houses! Especially if we have kids, those kids will live in a world with plenty of housing (because they will have no peers)
We're all friends at this special table and I love you all. Spot on analysis. I'm an old millennial who has RIDICULOUSLY overprotective parents. I'm forever salty they made it weird cuz the catch up I had to do in life was insane. I have no kids, but my friends my age with teenage kids drive me nuts. They complain so much about how their kids don't know how to do anything, when they don't spend time with them and are just as addicted to doom scrolling and isolating as they complain their kids are. The disconnect is unreal.
You make a solid point. For me I struggled with former closer relationships with peers because there were very few kids my age in my neighborhood and most schools I went to were nearly a 30-minute bus-trip away and I could only communicate with my only friend at school through letters and my first phone a Nokia I believe that I received in my preteens (not to brag but I still had a decent amount of personal autonomy where I grew up in Europe even though I still would have loved a little more of that freedom as a child/teen). I think autonomy is a human-right for even the youngest and oldest people among us, people can't keep up overprotected till were 18 and then dump us into the real world that they should have prepared us for rather than sheltered us from.
My partner is my best friend. We have our issues sometimes but we've always dealt with them in a healthy way and I love that man so much. We've even broken up before, because the first rule in our relationship was "the friendship comes first", so when I started struggling with my BPD, we took a beat and said "we still love eachother, that's not changing, but now is a time to focus on our friendship and our relationship can resume when our friendship is stronger again" it was my first heartbreak having to separate from him but it was the right thing for us, we still hung out everyday but made more space between us to allow room for missing eachother, having more to talk about when we saw eachother, and gave eachother the opportunity to talk to other people (even if it hurts) because as much as we loved eachother, if someone made one of us happy during the separation, that mattered more. It would've killed me if he moved on, but if it made him happy I'd have been his groomsman one day if I had to, and I know he'd do the same.
Mid 30s, no friends, no girlfriend and incredibly bare minimum interaction with family. I’m completely apathetic. Been like that for five years now, never go anywhere (hate restaurants and social stuff)
5:37 so people want me to show up to their events spend more money than I'm comfortable with, spend more time than I'm comfortable away with... And then if I decide not to go or leave early they get upset... That's not a friendship that's a hostage situation 😂😂😂
24:47 if I combine every shit that every living thing that has ever lived throughout Earth’s existence. This would still be 10 times the size of the bullshit it was.
Everyone leaves and goes on to have their own lives, especially after college. The only people who you can even still remain friends with are sometimes suffering from their own form of arrested development
My father has a group of 6 childhood friends he regularly talks with. They have a DnD group that they play weekly with as well. Persistent friendship can exist. I do best with friends who aren’t very attention needing. I’ve had one friend for over 7 years, we can go over a year without speaking and then when we meet up it’s like the time hasn’t existed, he’s the same way as me
I’m in middle school and it’s so hard to make real friends who wanna be there for you when u need them… and in general it’s hard to find friends, everyone wants friends that look like barbies
I did had alot a friend's back in middle to high school, unfortunately I never get to see them again. Not because they were horrible people, no they were all very nice, I just neverd found a way to keep in good contact with them once we all graduated
literally all my friends are millennials. as a gen-z, my generation is probably the MOST disrespectful, narcissistic, generation ever. almost nobody has moved on from their high school day and its exhausting.
Same here, Gen z as well and I get along better with people 35 and older. It seems like most gen z young adults are stuck in the teenage phase and haven’t grown out of it and they only care about superficial things like money, status and looks
Yeah as Gen Z I think people around my age are just.. really awful selfish people like it doesn’t feel like I grew up with no one like no one learned anything I tried to watch as much positive and wise stuff on the media as much as I could to be the best person I could be and help others and wanna be a great friend! But to be honest… it feels like no one really did the same besides me lol like bruh it’s a friendship why these guys ghosting or blocking me like we were in a relationship? It’s like I’m talking to a bunch of kids that if they don’t see me have or do anything cool or not like what they like they leave like what? Being in your 20’s in this day and age is wild lol
I find it a lot easier as a gen Z to talk to millennials, they are generally more open and approachable. I can have small talks with them without getting a one word response
I’m 47, I honestly think Covid messed up people coming together. Living in a big city and living in a small town is different. Social media has taken over everybody’s lives. When I was a kid growing up, everybody would hang out we would drive around the mall go to the skating rink go to the movies hang out at each other’s houses. I feel so sorry for all you younger people because you do need people and yes, you do have to watch your back around people, but it’s learning what the flags are and how to invite people into your lives and what boundaries you set.. make friends, but set your boundaries and don’t tell everybody your whole life. Share the things you have in common. You don’t have to share every day every minute together, but stay in communication. Even back then, growing up, we had bullies, they gave us a hard time they picked on us belittled us, but then there was other people that were bullied that were good people, and you made forever friends with them. Stop looking for people that have materialistic things that have the same things as you opposites can attract., take time to get to know the person, set your boundaries. Learn how to treat people and believe in the due on two others as you want done onto you. And there’s no contact that a lot of y’all are doing with your parents, I have a daughter that does it on and off. This is narcissistic behavior. This is because I do not do what she wants me to do. She cuts me off for Control and that does not work with me. She makes horrible choices and has been on and off drugs and she lies. Often I am taking care of the children and I have messed up loaning her money to try to get her on her feet and she’s 27 years old. No contact and telling people oh just because you have some difference just go no contact so you can reserve your peace well that piece that you’re looking for is not peace because it’s destroying our lives because when you want something, you come after us and you destroy our peace. All this no contact is the same thing. Same reasons why you have no friends today the communication and how to handle conflicts differences lack of communication and no contact is an easy way out because you don’t know how to handle what’s real between people. So these grandbabies, imagine what they are going through imagine what they’re seeing being pulled between people. It’s sad. Not all Gen X people including me were abused by our parents. Yes some of them drink, but we had barbecues. We went fishing. We did family things a lot of of it. And we did get our butt whooped, but I am so thankful. My dad tore my ass up when I got in trouble because it taught me boundaries and it taught me not to do the same mistake again and there was consequences. And listening to your elders, listening to your elders is not trying to tell you do what they tell you to do. Learn from what they’re telling you. They’re very smart people history repeats itself. They’re not there to hurt you there to open up your eyes and things that you don’t see when you’re growing up. They’re trying to help you stop being so bullheaded. Take what you can from listening apply it when you think it fits into your life and if it don’t, don’t do it it’s that simple. I love you all and I’m praying somehow this world turns around because it is just getting uglier and it breaks our heart to see what everybody is going through. Y’all need to come together learn how to get along work through the conflicts. Do you want the others that you want done under you? That is the key. Change
As a millennial mom I’m on an app for moms to make friends with other moms and no one ever replies to me- no one keeps up conversations- everyone claims to be so lonely but when you try to be friends with them they don’t reply
The Greeks had a concept of the four loves, like in one of the C.S. Lewis books you quoted. In ascending order, they are romantic love, familial love, and above that love in friendship and beyond that self-sacrificial love. Something I noticed about that is that self-sacrificial love is the only kind where it's pretty much inconceivable that it's for your own personal gain. Those other relationships have the possibility and at least a shadow of a doubt that you're only there because they make you feel good and enjoy yourself, but if it's to the point where you're sacrificing yourself (your life, time, money, etc. in a significant way) it's showing that you matter more to me than I matter to me.
I had really bad depression all throughout my teenage years, I could barely look after myself let alone put effort into keeping relationships, so now, I’m here at almost 20, with only one friend who barely speaks to me even when I text her first. And I’m trying my damn best to keep that friendship afloat.
Im so glad I found this channel. The despair for society and the world I'll be living in is more concrete, yet lessened when I listen to you. I have difficulty formulating my thoughts into words and when I hear you convey them so articulately its like scratching an itch that I just can't reach, like a sigh of relief. Hearing you speak with an optimistic belief that not all is lost, that circumstances may improve despite the crisis this "cooked" generation poses to our future gives me hope. I am willing to be a villager and if I'm not the only one then there is hope! Thanks!
I don’t have any friends but the difference is I desperately want and need friends. I’m just socially awkward and don’t really know how to talk to people 😅
Do you have hobbies in the real world? A dog that gets walked at the same time each day? A decent walking or running track that you could walk regularly? The more you exist regularly in the real world, the greater the chances you'll start connecting with others doing the same. A friendly regular nod turns into "hello" which turns into "I like your sketch/dog/gait - can I ask you about it" which turns into an actual conversation about things you're already interested in.
Start picking up those hobby classes where you get to do your hobbies with a group of people. Or just start hanging around the places of topics you like. You'll meet someone eventually and then you have something to start the flow of a conversation from.
Yeah, I... I don't know the feeling of friendship anymore. You know, with the world ending, possible world, people near me being so fucking strange, i like legos, you know, stramge things.
I was pretty dang popular in highschool, and knew a ton of people. Like... hundreds of people on a daily basis (I skipped classes and such) But my point is: Knowing hundreds of people, on the last day of school, I was able to get about 80 phone numbers so we can still "talk" after highschool. The first 3 months after graduation, only 40 people actually chatted. I had 8 close friends, and we all hung out. After 6 months, that became 6. Let's just.. cut to the chase. 1 year after highschool, I only have 1 friend now. And trying to "connect" with my age group, is ussually a few discord messages then never speak again. The entire "lonliness" epidemic is because no stupid parent taught my generation how to formulate "friendships". gen alpha is extremely irrational and insufferable (learned from cousins and occasionally an online game) And the only people I can even "hangout" with, because they remember what "socialization" is, are people above 27+. Elders are better friends than my extremely self choosing lonely peers. From knowing like 400 people in highschool, being liked, to only 1 close friend after 1 year of highschool, has to be a first. Yes, I was a social butterfly, and extroverted. (SIMPLE BECAUSE I KNEW ABOUT THIS WHOLE "LONLINESS" CRAP WOULD HAPPEN IF I DIDN'T)
I’m normally a very friendly and outgoing person, being around a new group of people at work who I know dislike me and I know aren’t doing their job and contributing to getting things done and watching me suffer. Has turned me into a quiet closed person who doesn’t really want to talk to anyone
13:39 Unfortunately, that isn't always the case. I'm autistic, and I was forced to hang out with people from certain social groups, who had serious behavioural problems, and were considered violent by the general public. It didn't happen all the time, but it happened enough to where I thought it was the norm, and because of this, I ended up sacraficing many real great relationships for fake ones, because I was rarely ever given a choice in whom to trust in, and often had to excuse their behaviour because I was taught that was part of life. I do have a lot of great friends, still, but most of them live in different cities and have moved elsewhere. Most of the people I see on a regular basis are absolute shitheads, even the ones that are autistic like myself.
I have social anxiety, and it can get REALLY bad, but I still have multiple friend groups I fit into, I do believe that my imagination is the reason I have friends though. I love creating stories and characters, which is the reason i"m into D&D. my friend groups are almost all circulated around ttrpgs. This has not only helped my social anxiety, but expanded my friend groups. I wouldn't have gone out and made new friends without games like D&D, Magic, or Pokemon. A lot of my current friends wouldn't have been in these friend groups without these games either. I'm just thankful I have the friends to enjoy these games with, and they are really fun to play. I did get plenty of weird looks from people when asking if they would be willing to fill a spot in a D&D campaign, especially when i had to explain what D&D is (It's not a cult).
I had 3 real good friends. I dropped them after years of it only ever be me initiating every time. I tried again when one of them died, and 1 could be bothered to make it to the funeral, and the other has a history of saying they get back with me and never do.
The only way to grow as a person is to constantly challenge yourself and to keep putting yourself in situations where you feel discomfort, so that you can learn to tolerate it.
@dwjvgvsscope-k7s your not if you repent. At the end of the day we’ve all messed up, nobody’s perfect. Everyone has regrets and failures in life. I have my own
I have my own friend group, but I’ll be honest when I say I get really nervous when I try to socialize with outside groups. It’s hard to confirm who you can trust nowadays. But at least I still take my chances to get to know new people. ❤
Someone once asked me, and this question always really bothers me, "Do you choose friends based on their appearance. Or based on what's inside?" This is why I close myself off: the moment I don't share the same interests as other people, nobody even approaches me. I am glad to be an introvert.
I'm a introvert too and it's like me or even other introverts are quick to notice when someone's only hanging out with you to make themselves look like less of a loney loser instead of connecting with you on a deeper level.
While I get the sentiment not everyone is like that. I think you do yourself a diservice long term if that is where you approach people from. I also do think, and please hear me out first before pitchforking me. That relationships are all transactional in some way. Friends stay friends because it's too inconvient to stop being friends or because they both mutally agree their getting overall more benefit then negative. Benefit can be monetary, time, disscusion, a safe place to do xyz, having common interests, feeling compersion when gheu feel good, reassurance validation, support. I think humans do charity because they think it is functionally beneficial to the society they live in, or the one their kids live in, or because it releases certain feel good hormones and eases guilt. If you truly have no similar interests I think that was never a friendship in the first place. As a similar/common interest that should always be mutally held is in the health ad quality of the friendship. Sorry rantty.
@solmas2111 The phrase “opposites attract” exist for a reason. There are people who don’t share the same interests but when together, they can vibe as a unit. The problem is, too many don’t put the energy in to aid their friends and show them they care. Now I understand, when you’re an adult, u get busy. Heck, a lot of men just don’t message each other as much as they should(tho this vacuum is typically meant to be filled by a woman)
I think this depends on where you are and how much social media you consume. I moved to Florida fully two years ago after living in Jersey for 24 years and being raised there, but after spending that two years down in Florida, I’ve made a few friends already. I think it takes time, confidence, and respect for one another, along with the ability to commit to each other and wanting to hang out. People are busy, so we always need to plan, but I think that’s just life, and it’s our job to want to commit to it or not.
(this is a rant, I recommend reading to the whole thing if you have the time) Let's make this connection mind you that things ended up like this because: • We don't have adequate living conditions and survival needs in most of our Cities, or the adequate conditions and survival needs we do have require incredibly high wages to afford and maintain; We can't afford to do basic things such as live in some places, and that attributes directly to where all the Country's Wealth is and why it's there in the first place. • Criminal Activity around the Country has risen in the coming years and is still climbing in some areas due to factors such as growing Parental Negligence, Poverty (see Point 1), Disregard or lack of Mental Health Educations for older individuals, Individualism as a principle itself, etc; most if not all Crime is attributed to Desperation relative to hardships and terrible situations, lack of any meaningful Education, and just straight-up, plainly-put, bad Parental Discipline (see point 4). • The Education System is and has been flawed in our Country since its revisions in the '90s, allowing Businesses to fund the Public Education System for Tax Write-offs. Effectively that means public Economic Agendas related to and biased towards business were highly sought after, thus entered the era of the Financeer and Corporate Parasitism. They're trying to make School cost as little as possible by cramming as much knowledge into the early-stages of Curriculums as much as possible; literally speedrunning Education, and that kind of pressured expectation is NOT good for any child at all, and; • Parental Discipline is one such that most of these Corporate Giants need to pay attention to. We need time, and more importantly money, to guarantee a safe and secure future for our children and their children going forward; We are negligent because we can't afford to put time into parenting, all because they think taking from Society and not giving back has no consequences to them. We are encouraged to stay away from one-another because they breed a cruel and vile environment that scares everyone and no one can escape from, which results in such badly behaved people in the first place. A lot of the problems and more have two major factors attached to them: Wealth is centralized and poorly managed by Corporate Oligarchs who refuse to give it back to Society, and bad Parental/Communal Outreach causing bad decision-making and anomalous misbehaviors because we don't have time nor stress capacity to do the necessary work needed to better ourselves and our children. Time and Money are something that most of us just don't have, and you can blame the overwhelmingly Wealthy 0.1% for that. The fact that Power is centralized in who provides the most basic survival and living needs of a Country is a massive problem if that party is not willing to give it back and instead uses it as leverage. I advocate that they take just enough where they can still live middle-class, just so we can maintain our Country properly, because they clearly don't know how to manage that Wealth if they just wanna sit on it like Kings and do absolutely nothing with it. Apologies for the boldness of the phrasing, but it's killing people. Just stop it 💔 Edit: This isn't me defending Gen Z because of our problems, most of us do need to get our mindset back into Herd Gear, but a lot of this relates to how all these other factors lead to the environmental shift of our Villages, and more importantly how our Friends, Family, Coworkers, etc. have treated us. Millennials were victimized by corporate promises gone wrong and bad discipline. We somehow had it even worse, and that is a major problem because the pattern emerging right now is that the more Time and Money that are taken away by 'those in power', the more society falls apart, because without time and money how are we supposed to fight back? That's right, we can't; not without stepping up and exposing the pattern these Companies honor by their own Code. Take their crowns off, they don't deserve them; not for this.
The problem is that social media was pushed on kids early and in the beginning helped people develop friendships whilst far apart. This however changed when the social rules shifted. If back in the day you could easily take rejection and having bad friends; The same cant be said now because the social trust is nonexistent. The social consequences today can completly ruin a person life forever. People also have started developing a mentality where if they experience any issues they have to run social media and post it for the world even if its supposed to be a private matter.
when i used twitter, every month or so a tweet would go hugely viral that went like. “Your co-workers are NOT your friends” and that always bugged me because im friends with like 10 of my coworkers, we get together all the time and have fun. like “what is wrong with you people?” is always what i felt. that can’t be healthy
The tweet "Your co-workers are NOT your friends" highlights the professional nature of workplace relationships. It’s good that you and your 10 co-workers have put aside the typical labels and collaborating dynamics to form genuine friendships. However this personal connection you are having is separate from the original intent of the tweet, which emphasizes that work relationships are usually based on roles, responsibilities, and collaborative goals within an organizational structure. You seems to confuse a bit between personal friendship and work collaboration in your interpretation. While friendships can develop among colleagues - no one denies this possibility, the essence of workplace relationships is, at its core, functional and goal-oriented rather than deeply personal. Authentic personal connections often require separating professional roles from outside-of-work interactions, allowing individuals like us to truly express ourselves beyond job titles. Yet, not every workplace is ideal for the similar situation as you to happen, and in many cases, influencial figures deliberately make the environtment hostile to put pressure on the oppressed party within the workplace. What works for your group is a great example of personal relationships evolving beyond the workplace. Still it is not typical and it doesn’t change the fact that in most work environments, relationships are primarily built around formal collaboration and hierarchy rather than friendship, and the distant attitudes or over-friendly masks are often the norm response reflecting this nature of a workplace.
My only experience going out with friends over here in Serbia is just them destroying their livers with drinks and losing all of their money in betting shops, it's just painfully depressing.
Why do you think it's your fault? We're all imperfect. And deeply imperfect. If we still can't reintegrate and redeem ourselves back into society from all of that and find a path forward, then that's society's fault, not yours. Sorry, I know that doesn't serve the Hyperindividualism narrative nowadays. I think you deserve friends, bro.
And why is it too late for you? Are you under the impression that people your age have already made their friends? There are many others who are willing to make new friends, and they don't even have to be your age. The only thing that matters is whether you want them in your life.
i feel like my insight might be useful im nearly as adult, and ive been outcasted by and from everyone most of my life. the only connections ive ever had was some select staff from school and some family members, and most of those connections with family arent even from my biological family. and almost all of my friends are people i found online. or in other words, i have a mostly outsider's view of society (i might be wrong tho). but, at least from what ive noticed, is that i was a lot "brighter" then those who were around me. by "brighter", i mean i seemed to be a lot more human. and also, the friends i did gain, felt like family. meanwhile the people around me were more selfish, self-righteous, and were always frowning. i mean, i have a case if resting bitchface myself, but they seemed genuinely sad and tired, both physically and mentally. everyone was so focused on this sort of "social dance" that seemed so tiring. i simply never participated in it, and im much happier then them. and while i dont have the numerous of friends they had, i didnt feel that alone. of course, no one is without their sadness, and i am no exception. but if i can give you some advice, it would be this: take the risk of getting to know someone. take the risk of loving someone. take the risk of _being yourself._ even if everyone hates you for it, you will be much more happier than them. and in my eyes, that's what life is about. you only have one shot. enjoy it while you are blessed enough to have it. good luck out there, and may Jesus be with you
Fortunately, I have some friends, but I don’t have a lot of friends and I don’t have a girlfriend. As a Gen-Z guy, it devastates me, but it’s even worse for somebody with autism because a lot of people (especially my age) don’t understand me or others by how we think differently, what struggles we have that we try to overcome, and how creative that most of them can be. Not to mention, when I was a sophomore, I asked a lot of people from my high school that I attended if they were interested in going to my New Year’s Eve party that I was going to plan out. I offered them an invite, but unfortunately, none of them were available, so they rejected my invitation, and it devastated me real hard because I wanted to have the best high school experience even outside of high school. But no, most of the people that went to the same high school as me were purposely isolating themselves because they had a lack of social skills, communication, confidence, etc. And you were right when you said about people not owing you anything. Because there were a couple of times when I asked this one person in college that seemed to like me and I asked her out. However, she rejected me by telling me that she had a boyfriend. I let it slide because I know she isn’t interested in me, but what she didn’t tell me that she was gay. I confronted her by asking her why she didn’t tell me and all that. What I didn’t know is that I crossed her boundary because she doesn’t owe me an explanation. My confrontation was so insensitive that she got so upset with me, bitching about me, sending her long messages as she made a long rigorous rant on me by complaining about me. I’ll have you know that it was not my intention to make her feel unsafe like that. Although, I replied to her by apologizing to her in a raging manner. Even that other girl shamed me for asking her some engaging questions because I was trying to be friendly to her. Though, she thought I was being creepy to her because we didn’t know very much about each other, but never told me that she has a boyfriend. Oh well. Not to mention, I shared my stories about those situations on TikTok, and I literally got bullied for it. Even my brother went into a serious depression that led to the police showing up at our door. He cut me off from the situation because he told me that I didn’t understand what he was going through, even though I had some similar experiences. People say that autistic people like to be alone and that they’re happy with it. At the end of the day, it’s bad for some people that are willing to socialize because you have to learn basic skills of social and communication. People will judge you for not having a lot of them, which has led to people bullying you, especially rejection. However, I have a few friends that just use me, and tell me that we’ll do things, but we barely did. -_-
now that ive moved countries, i feel a sense of longing for a time where i get to socialise and go out with my friends that i already have and love. where i live now, everyone at school is (to varying extents) either racist, ableist or sexist. it REALLY makes me not want to befriend anyone here, and i guess ive been feeling the effects of that :/ ill try step out my comfort zone to give a second chance to meet new people, might come back to this comment if it works (although i doubt this'll be seen) like the video says at 17:29 though, my current friendships are stronger than ever, and i feel so much comfort with them :>
I've tried friendships with Gen Z folk as a millennial. Make it easy, set things up, they have a great time. But my goodness, the lack of social skills and follow up is brutal, the insistence on texting 99% of the time and hanging out 1% of the time is just minus fun. It's annoying, the Gen Z folks I meet are actually cool af, but they often don't have the skills to make friendship work, even with third places and enough money to do something. I work with a bunch of Gen Z, helping them develop life skills, covid broke them, and social media finishes the job. That all said, the ones I see succeeding actually leave their houses and are totally fine and have substantial friend groups. Develop skills, get off the brain rot, stop taking advice from glorifying losers, practice social skills at your level and advance!
I mostly agree.However I think the biggest hurdle is within the last sentence or two. Identifying your level to practice, then finding a place and people at the same level. Could you give some advice? For anyone else who might read it and for me as I'm curious what you will say with the experience you have.
@solmas2111Sure! Even growing up as a weirdo millennial there are a number of social things I take for granted, but working with Gen Z folks I'm trying to figure this out with y'all. Some ideas - Identifying lack of appropriate socialisation, the things we needed to learn and weren't taught, for awareness - Research, including reading with 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' - Starting to speak with service workers and eventual random people. The magic question - "How is your day going so far?" People will talk about themselves or not, and if they say something that interests you, ask a follow up or give a short comment on your experience. Doing this over and over builds a muscle. Cause I don't think there's a damn thing wrong with Gen Z folks, you just weren't given the skills and opportunities, but with practice you can make it work. Acquaintances and friends still come rarely, that's normal and to be expected, the success rate is necessarily low. Learn to embrace failure as a friend, it's magic when that idea makes sense. Notice any feelings of personal inadequacy, being threatened by people, anxiety etc. Learn more about those emotions and reactions in your body and nervous system. Befriend them too. Internal Family Systems and self-differentiation are great for improving your relationship with yourself. When you can get out of survival mode, opening up becomes easier, and people will more often see you as safe and easy to be around. Also, learn boundaries and discernment of people who may use you, or take advantage of unprocessed people pleasing and codependency. Researching all these terms and practising takes time, but I feel at least some of it is worth looking into. Hope any of that helps, I choose to believe in your ability to move towards a situation that feels more connected for you :)
I remember being great at having online friendships for maybe 2 years of my adolescence. After that? Hate the phone outside of entertainment/information purposes. I like a phone call but everybody just prefers text now and I CAN'T DO IT 😂
they do want to be/have friends, that's for sure, but yeah, all what u said... (I like genZ but it takes a memory update about all that nearly every day!)...
many of us learned the hard way to put ourselves first. Me personally, I was burned twice. Once as a child, you grow up, you try again. I had a friend as an adult. I was there for her whenever she needed me. I forgave a lot from her, including things like spending 30 minutes on twitter while we were out and pretty much not even hearing if I was trying to talk to her, then always talking about her interest, either putting mine down or just changing the subject as soon as I thought it was my turn. I was there when she lost someone, I was there when she feared for another loss. Then I lost a close family member and for once I needed a friend, I needed support, a bit of distraction. I was essentially told she only has about an hour because she wants to go have fun with others. I learned my lesson. It's a two way street from the get go or nothing, and I WILL put my own needs first not someone else's.
Honestly as a millennial I didn't have any friends in my 20's or 30's (still in my 30's~ 🤣) except my cousin's on my mom's side of the family & few friends online from Japan, France, UK, & US~ 🤷♀️😅😅😅 What got me was seeing people online I went to school with add others from school from year's ago because you can see who other's are following etc on social media when I added them they blocked me but yet in school the same people who blocked me acted as though we were friends in school. Makes zero sense to me... 🤦♀️✌️🤙
This is why I love church, and my youth group at church. I have a community of people around me that I can connect with, relate to, and share good memories with. If you don’t have friends, church might be the best place to start. It’s helped me with my loneliness, and maybe it will help you too
at this point it unfortunately doesnt even matter if ur a good friend or not people are not willing to take friendship seriously and people think that real friendship is by pranking eachother in the meanest way possible or telling each other the most horrific words or playing with ur insecurities and calling that "friendship" people nowadays dont do real acts of frienship and are too toxic and im just 16 now imagine the little ones 💀
I think it: s easy to think this wry but challege you to reframe to some portion of the population that I can choose to interact with or not think this way and I just have to keep trying until I find the portion that doesn't view friendship that way.
I'm shy, awkward, and probably autistic. I struggle to make friendships, and struggle harder to keep them. I don't know where people usually hang out and I can't ask my parents to take me to a whole bunch of places. I sometimes get ignored and struggle to get involved in conversations. And I don't leave the house often, and don't really like to. And I've been homeschooled most of my life. The only place is the internet, and I hate the internet.
Therapy helped me dealing with being tired and stressed and still being able to see my friends. Therapists who teach intense focus on negative emotions and avoidance only make you sick.
Turned 21 recently, used to have friends, then I moved, made more friends, moved, made more friends, moved, got into high school, made more friends, moved, made more friends, moved to where I am now, got into college and made friends, by the end of the year I'll be moving out again, I don't have friends because I don't have the time to have friends
I work at the mall. Go to the mall, explore, have fun outside seeing things. You don't even have to spend money to be in the presence of people. Starting a conversation is free and easy, go where other people are. The mall might be dying, sure. I get that. But that's where I see the most people actually being social.
Also put effort into being approachable. I got polish descent- my RBF is legendary. I’m actively controlling my face and I’m always aware of other people, so that I look interested in talking to people, and then I don’t even have to start. Just pay attention if they other person is interested, and let the convo fizzle if they’re not
The best part out of all of this is the fact that nobody goes out , so some parks are completely empty during morning hours, so I have it all to myself, and the view is amazing!
Dude I just moved to a new place after a breakup, I work remotely and literally only have one friend and she lives halfway across the country. We exchange one long message every day like letters but other than that, yeah… At least I’m not alone in feeling crippling alone. 😂 For what it’s worth man, really appreciate these videos. Awareness is the first step to making better choices and your mindset has been inspiring.
Casey, I have to tell you how much I’ve been loving all the videos you’re posting on RUclips! I’ve been following you since I was 15, and now that I’m 21, I’m so happy to see your growth!❤️❤️
Thank god someone's talking aboht this. Ive met entire groups of people and then it seems like when i got a new job or moved or something they stop talking to me or in general
My bestie and I are both busy a lot. But we try to get together every now and then. We’re both single so I’m going to have valentines day dinner with her. That’s at least our next planned thing. I hope to hang with her more once our jobs aren’t so insane and we have more time that lines up good. But I can’t imagine not having her as my friend. She really is my closest and borderline only friend I have now. Also, we send each other memes all the time too so we’re in some kind of contact even when we can’t hang.
It all comes down to younger Z and Gen Alpha having zero social skills and being A holes. If the kids treat everyone like trash, then no one wants to be around them
As someone born in 97, I took so much of what you said and put it in a 3rd person perspective. And you're right. I need to take more risks and put myself out there. I have good friends, but after HS so many of those friends went their own way or have kids at this point. It's so hard to find time to do stuff with them. I could always make new friends, but thats effort I need to put into it.
people need to stop letting spouses and having children get in the way of maintaining friendships, that's why so many communities or support-system have already crumbled.
when i learned that older gen z is not having friends i remember all the friends i have and the past ones at think that i would not be the person i am without all the people around me.
Definitely guilty of this. 💔 I'm an only child so I feel like this stuff is like tenfold for me because my default way of being since I was born is to do things by myself and to be comfortable being alone. I'm fr trying but it's hard for me to consistently sustain relationships with my partner, my family, and the couple friends I actually keep in contact with at all. I also deleted all my social media last spring so I'm extraordinarily isolated. But I genuinely like the isolation, so I only realized literally a month or two ago that I probably shouldn't be like this!! Lol. My friend called me out of the blue the other night and I answered and I was so proud of myself for picking up. But then I realized what the heck that's literally just normal 😭 small steps. I try to rotate and communicate with friend A, then my mom, then friend B, then my grandma, then friend C, etc. Hopefully someday I can sustain all these relationships consistently. Because I think about these people literally all the time. And I am very aware of how shitty of a loved one I am. Because me being in someone's life means a blast of warmth & enthusiasm and then radio silence for a couple weeks. Ugh. I wouldn't like that either!!
It's all ages, social skills are deteriorating across the board. Millinneals make shitty friends rn, too. I didn't make tamales at all in 2025 cuz I got sick of doing it alone. Made a bunch outta wild game, cast a wide net of several days with a weekend and tons of notice, still made them alone. They are usually a holiday gift thing, but I'm don't giving away my shit.
It's not like i had a choice when i couldn't make friends. I wish i could approach people in real life or have friends my age but nope. I blame myself but also my autism, social anxiety and shitty upbringing, my fault for not being out there, but learned helplessness and low self esteem doesn't help one's self worth. Somehow I'm not depressed anyhow, so that's interesting.
I was about to pen pal a Gen Z until I was accused of trying to set up hangouts all the time, long distance mind you. Clearly he had no understanding on how to keep in touch with someone far away.
![Montana 700 - She Luv Dat [Official Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/YfLDFtaP0Ks/mqdefault.jpg)
You know what's worse than having no friends? Having 'fake' friends
Or having American friends, most of which are too individualistic to be a friend. Even the “real” ones are there when it suits them, treat you just good enough that you like them, then when it doesn’t suit them you are less than a rat to them
I have USAmerican friends who are real and caring. I don't think it's about nationality but personality.
@joelceda3500 Yes, they exist in every part of the world in case you forgot. Its 100% about nationality when it comes to how rare or common they are. Culture influences people a lot, never said all Americans are cruel its just the good ones are as rare as unicorns. Imagine if the US was a true dictatorship or was a war torn nation, the bad side of Americans is still not fully exposed
@joelceda3500 The things I love about the USA as a country is how great it is on the macro level. It's powerful overall, got the military, has valuable currency, and the richest people. But the majority of individual Americans are just rotten, rich or poor
@gammaarmy9547 I agree nationality plays a big role. People who are also children of immigrants are much better friends than American people in my experience
All relationships require give and take. Unfortunately, reciprocation seems to be dying
I'm good to give whatever, to go along with whatever you wanna do, I just don't want to have to direct the conversation.
Lost quite a few friendships due to this, I was always giving and they were always taking, I'm just glad I still have a few solid and real friendships and not all of them were one way
Sometime it is like you are the only one to try to do something, try to organize something. People drag their feet, cancel at the last moment, don't care... at some point you get burned. I don't understand. I think people needs to learn how to enjoy life. Someone needs to teach them how to live.
I know good people exist but everyone I've ever met (that isn't a family member) does not give a flying fig newton about anything that doesn't benefit them.
This is exactly the issue imo. People only want to talk about what they are interested in, they only have ideas about the things they like doing or the places they like to go to. And if you dare to disagree, it's either ignored or the end of the world and friendship.
I'm more than happy to talk about the passions of my friends and go to new places, but I don't like not being listened to in return, and I don't like it when I say a place doesn't work for me and they just try to push it onto me and ignore the reasons I'm stating it won't work.
I invited a whole mom group over for a play date, the only person who responded ended up canceling last minute. I spent money and even rearranged furniture to set up play stations. Its disappointing.
You're a brave person for trying to set all that up though. This is exactly why I don't set up house parties and only do meetups at restaurants. I'm sorry for the flaky mom and the ones who couldn't be bothered to respond!
:( that fuckin breaks my heart. Kids need play and adults need community.
Well shit, that fuckin sucks. :(
Why did you need to do all that? Just let kids make their own fun, why do you need to curate it.
wow. Sorry. keep going you'll find good people who want to come if you keep inviting people.
Everyone just seems so quiet nowadays, I try to start conversations, but they just die down more quickly than I wanted it to
All I do is take everything with a grain of salt
Boosted_ajwe aren’t meant to agree, that’s the problem. We’re meant to communicate about the things we view differently and not take it personal or make it personal. Being friends is being real about each other’s thoughts and holding each other accountable. People can’t handle accountability
I am the conversation starter and goer....I never end a conversation....I keep it going....even...by FORCE 😈
@makaylalassus8898 exactly disagreeing with someone doesnt mean you shouldnt be friends with them it just shows how huma you both are
People have become quiet anti social.
The worst part for me, is I'm considered 'shy' and yet I go out of my way to try to talk to people and everytime I do they say "let's talk again sometime" and then they never get back in touch. :/
For real!!! Or when I’m having a decently good conversation with someone and as a result we exchange numbers or socials and then we don’t even end up talking again like what
@kirissa9150 literally, it's like they get our hopes up for us to be disappointed :,)
I'm guilty of this probably. Except I just mean sometime in my life unless I give a timeframe.
you gotta find a friend group or create one
@AyovenAKAMr.Minecraft I've tried that more than once and it still ends up in me being forgotten or left out
if genz is so lonely imagine the younger gens that have more screens.
Oddly, they are more social than Gen Z as an big shocker.
Got tech, but they are talking with their kind offline too. Gen Z was mentally messed up
My sister is gen alpha and definitely an iPad kid but she has a lot of friends at school, I think it's because they can't bring them
Gen Alpha is looking to be grunting animals instead of people.
@DrAngelKinsjust wait till they graduate HS and most of their old friends will slowly dwindle away :(
@hokage1997we will see. Its common for old friends to drift away, but certain friends may remain forever
I'd love to be more social but it feels impossible today
Why specifcally?
@Moonlady-w...Almost everything in the video. Also being autistic and interested in things that a lot of people aren't
me too, I just don't know where to go or how to meet friends as an adult
@idk-oe5igoof, same. You can't go anywhere without paying for it now.
@bodydontfailmenow There's a group for people jerking off in puffy jacket, trust me your niche interest have surely a community.
Just turned 21. Absolutely no friends. Not by choice. But genuinely try having a conversation with someone our age in your area and see how that goes smh.
I’m 22 I have a few close friends from highschool and I have made a few friends here and there in my adult life (all of them fleeting)
28 here.....I have friends from my basic school here in Jamaica....who I still have contact with...high school friends....strangers who I befriended....in their 80s and below....
True man.
I don't have many friends either, although it's kind of by choice. There's too many stupid people and I wouldn't benefit from associating myself with them.
@shara-leeroberts That's because it's Jamaica, not America or in more polite terms the United States. Literally in any part of the world people are just BETTER than Americans from my experience, and that includes "rude" countries like the UK and Germany
I’m currently in college studying to be a therapist, and I can tell you 100% that everyone on social media who uses therapy speak has absolutely no idea what they’re even talking about. They use these big technical terms without actually knowing what those terms are supposed to mean. And everyone in general that lane is very heavily into what I will call therapy culture overlook the most important part of therapy, which is the part where the whole point of it is to teach you to be accountable for your own actions.
this is accurate
Quick story
I was-- unintentionally or not-- heavily isolated as a kid. Im talking barely any friends at school if any, severely bullied, and wasnt able to go in public places often or places where i could keep friends. It sucked and I am still recovering from that combined with my parents emotionally neglecting me. Isolation does things to a person, especially prolonged isolation. If you can cut bad habits and stop self sabotaging, start today. Please. I literally am still learning how to properly interact with people from YEARS of isolation, so just. Please dont do that to yourself
The honestly sucky part is feeling like you have to constantly push to have friends. Like, I used to be in this friend group, and I ended leaving it because I felt like I had to push to even be so much as acknowledged. It took nearly six months of me telling them that I want to hang out with them for them to finally invite me to something, and then they didn't even tell me the time it was happening. It's stuff like that which makes friendship with other Gen Z people insufferable imo.
1:50 As brazilian, can confirm. Everyone in low-middle class know each other and lend stuff, call for help, do small talk and even share food in special occasions. But if you are slightly high classed, you already can tell it's way more lonely. I've been in both spectrums, it's interesting.
My parents is from Colombia and one of the biggest things I notice so how much friendlier people were there and how in the US everybody only cares about themselves
Some of the issue is the lack of 'third spaces' as you said. People are like 'oh if you want friends go out and drink' but that isn't fun, and that isn't really how you make friends as an adult either. A lot of these people aren't loners, they just want to spend the evening around the fire with people they developed a bond with.
Fr like what if I don’t want to drink or smoke (I have health problems)
Libraries! Or just helping hosting. Also you can hang out online too. Obv not the same but still p good.
Nah fr, in highschool I'd hang with other kids & all they'd want to do is drinking games. I tried to initiate a pushup version instead & I did it alone while everyone else drank & the only other non-drinker just sat there ...
Also everything is so expensive now it's hard to go out to places that often without breaking the bank
I used to admittedly think this way, that friends are not logical and interfere with my life goals and dreams, but it didn't take long for me to realize my friends are a part of the reason I'm chasing my goals and dreams.
My friends are the opposite, Ive been trying to learn how to animate and join my school's singing competition but after getting their feedback I feel demotivated,embarassed and a bit shaken up?? (If that makes sense)
I get there's such a thing as constructive criticism but I got literally no positives at all so I'm contemplating on just going back to being that kid who plays games in the school library
@Damani-k8x I consider myself a Creator, and I've come to understand that not everyone else lives in the same world as I do or thinks the same way I do. I acknowledge that some people don't understand what I do and don't see it the same way.
I've been making games for 8 years, composing music and writing stories for 2 years, Film editing for 6, and Graphic designing for 4. And my own family, who aren't in that world of 'Creation', views me as unproductive, and in desperate need of a J^B.
So when people, friends, or family criticize what you do, take into account their perspective and where they're coming from, because some opinions are worth more than others.
That's just what I think.
@SpaceStrawberry37ill try to adopt that view,thank you
(Please censor the J word as it is highly offensive to my people)
Wow thanks for sharing
@Damani-k8xno do what you want to do!Be you!It’s your life paint it n cultivate it.❤🎉
0:36 Only 27%? I expected higher
Holy crap Gen Z actually forgot about the friends we made along the way! 😂
There were friends we made along the way
yeah I haven't forgotten about some of my friends from highschool but I've just never stayed in touch with them but not by choice, I've never had a phone up until like age 18 or so and just no phone no contact info asking crossed my mind at the time
My problem of why it's so hard to make friends is that... well, I never really had a chance to KEEP any friends I made. Every time I got a friend group, I'd end up getring dragged to some other area away because we moved. I didn't have a phone until highschool but by then, I became so apathetic to the idea of making friends that it's become a challenge to open up to people outside of work.
I'm trying to change that as I'm planning on joining an in-person DND group soon, but it's been lonely for me...
Dnd and card games have a whole community nobody knows about because theyre running 6 hour sessions in the basement! You probably have a physical store near you that sells stuff and hosts events and games if you're into that
It's definitely hard and can be discolraging but I firmly believe you just have go keep getting back up. Enjoy the journey but letting people go is important too. Good luck.
Sounds just like me but in high school I kinda got lucky I was the only person with a car so I became the driver also I ended up hanging out with the pots heads they were pretty easy to be friends with
A few weeks ago, I made plans with a friend to go to the cinema and my alarm ended up not going off and I couldn't get to the cinema in time and my friend was already there, I felt so bad and my family kept telling me "If I was her I would never speak to you again" but that friend was fine about it! She still jokes about it to this day, but I still remember how scared I was that she would never speak to me again but that is what I have been taught to expect.
Im done trying to make friends as people dont message me back or see me as someone to help them do something. Sometimes they get jealous of the things i have or can do and then they want to see me fail.
9:55 crazy this woman knows enough people to get a text about being seen on the street
Fr, if I were her I would have invited the friend to run with me instead of being like 'ew' 😂
hey if loneliness brings me to death, thats what I'll be
I think another factor to GenZ issues is that we’re not given autonomy until 18.
The pandemic started when I was 15, and three years later it was over. And then every adult I knew turned to me and asked me why I didn’t have a job or why I wasn’t saving up for a house, or going to school or “doing SOMETHING useful!”
It extends a lot further than that though. Millennials were able to run around at 16 years old once they got a car, or just straight up HAD to make friends and do stuff in person. As a Gen Z, adults would get mad at me for walking in a small downtown area with my friend because we didn’t have an adult with us.
Gen Z’s been priced out of everything, we didn’t have autonomy or freedom, our parents simultaneously neglected us (because they never needed their parents to deal with things, they had friends) and were made to be overbearing by law, and then we got dumped on the doorstep of adulthood’s porch with everyone pointing at us yelling for why we have no social skills or confidence.
Umm… maybe because if I had walked around at 10 years old I’d have gotten the cops called on me?
My mom’s a Gen X and I asked her how old she was when she started leaving the house and doing things without parental supervision. She was five years old and had a seven year old sister who she was meant to stick near. But otherwise the rules were to stay in the neighborhood and to go to a neighbor’s door if something creepy happened.
Like… hmmm… I wonder if autonomy and relationship skills have to be developed through years of experience…
Can conform. I'm older than you, but due to severe health issues my parents were also overprotective. It's really hard to make friends when you have no autonomy, or wonder every time if your parents will deem them "bad influences". Being bullied in middle school also didn't help with confidence. And even if I got along with someone, we never had much of an opportunity to just spend time outside of school.
Is Gen Z need to just survive, the older generations will die and then there will be lots of houses! Especially if we have kids, those kids will live in a world with plenty of housing (because they will have no peers)
We're all friends at this special table and I love you all. Spot on analysis. I'm an old millennial who has RIDICULOUSLY overprotective parents. I'm forever salty they made it weird cuz the catch up I had to do in life was insane.
I have no kids, but my friends my age with teenage kids drive me nuts. They complain so much about how their kids don't know how to do anything, when they don't spend time with them and are just as addicted to doom scrolling and isolating as they complain their kids are. The disconnect is unreal.
Yeah no absolutely, good comment.
You make a solid point. For me I struggled with former closer relationships with peers because there were very few kids my age in my neighborhood and most schools I went to were nearly a 30-minute bus-trip away and I could only communicate with my only friend at school through letters and my first phone a Nokia I believe that I received in my preteens (not to brag but I still had a decent amount of personal autonomy where I grew up in Europe even though I still would have loved a little more of that freedom as a child/teen).
I think autonomy is a human-right for even the youngest and oldest people among us, people can't keep up overprotected till were 18 and then dump us into the real world that they should have prepared us for rather than sheltered us from.
This is also why relationships that started with friendship (real, true friendship) are so much healthier and more fulfilling imo
Yes, couldn't say it better
a deep truth
My partner is my best friend. We have our issues sometimes but we've always dealt with them in a healthy way and I love that man so much.
We've even broken up before, because the first rule in our relationship was "the friendship comes first", so when I started struggling with my BPD, we took a beat and said "we still love eachother, that's not changing, but now is a time to focus on our friendship and our relationship can resume when our friendship is stronger again"
it was my first heartbreak having to separate from him but it was the right thing for us, we still hung out everyday but made more space between us to allow room for missing eachother, having more to talk about when we saw eachother, and gave eachother the opportunity to talk to other people (even if it hurts) because as much as we loved eachother, if someone made one of us happy during the separation, that mattered more. It would've killed me if he moved on, but if it made him happy I'd have been his groomsman one day if I had to, and I know he'd do the same.
Mid 30s, no friends, no girlfriend and incredibly bare minimum interaction with family. I’m completely apathetic. Been like that for five years now, never go anywhere (hate restaurants and social stuff)
I got like 3 best friends in my life and several hundred fake friends
5:37 so people want me to show up to their events spend more money than I'm comfortable with, spend more time than I'm comfortable away with...
And then if I decide not to go or leave early they get upset...
That's not a friendship that's a hostage situation 😂😂😂
24:47 if I combine every shit that every living thing that has ever lived throughout Earth’s existence. This would still be 10 times the size of the bullshit it was.
Yeah the loneliness epidemic is real
Everyone leaves and goes on to have their own lives, especially after college. The only people who you can even still remain friends with are sometimes suffering from their own form of arrested development
My father has a group of 6 childhood friends he regularly talks with. They have a DnD group that they play weekly with as well. Persistent friendship can exist.
I do best with friends who aren’t very attention needing. I’ve had one friend for over 7 years, we can go over a year without speaking and then when we meet up it’s like the time hasn’t existed, he’s the same way as me
I’m in middle school and it’s so hard to make real friends who wanna be there for you when u need them… and in general it’s hard to find friends, everyone wants friends that look like barbies
I did had alot a friend's back in middle to high school, unfortunately I never get to see them again. Not because they were horrible people, no they were all very nice, I just neverd found a way to keep in good contact with them once we all graduated
literally all my friends are millennials. as a gen-z, my generation is probably the MOST disrespectful, narcissistic, generation ever. almost nobody has moved on from their high school day and its exhausting.
Same here, Gen z as well and I get along better with people 35 and older. It seems like most gen z young adults are stuck in the teenage phase and haven’t grown out of it and they only care about superficial things like money, status and looks
Yeah as Gen Z I think people around my age are just.. really awful selfish people like it doesn’t feel like I grew up with no one like no one learned anything I tried to watch as much positive and wise stuff on the media as much as I could to be the best person I could be and help others and wanna be a great friend! But to be honest… it feels like no one really did the same besides me lol like bruh it’s a friendship why these guys ghosting or blocking me like we were in a relationship? It’s like I’m talking to a bunch of kids that if they don’t see me have or do anything cool or not like what they like they leave like what? Being in your 20’s in this day and age is wild lol
I find it a lot easier as a gen Z to talk to millennials, they are generally more open and approachable. I can have small talks with them without getting a one word response
@lemonhead2205I can relate
@Alphys_UndertaleFanI know right I'm in my 20s too
I’m 47, I honestly think Covid messed up people coming together. Living in a big city and living in a small town is different. Social media has taken over everybody’s lives.
When I was a kid growing up, everybody would hang out we would drive around the mall go to the skating rink go to the movies hang out at each other’s houses. I feel so sorry for all you younger people because you do need people and yes, you do have to watch your back around people, but it’s learning what the flags are and how to invite people into your lives and what boundaries you set.. make friends, but set your boundaries and don’t tell everybody your whole life. Share the things you have in common. You don’t have to share every day every minute together, but stay in communication.
Even back then, growing up, we had bullies, they gave us a hard time they picked on us belittled us, but then there was other people that were bullied that were good people, and you made forever friends with them. Stop looking for people that have materialistic things that have the same things as you opposites can attract., take time to get to know the person, set your boundaries. Learn how to treat people and believe in the due on two others as you want done onto you.
And there’s no contact that a lot of y’all are doing with your parents, I have a daughter that does it on and off. This is narcissistic behavior. This is because I do not do what she wants me to do. She cuts me off for Control and that does not work with me. She makes horrible choices and has been on and off drugs and she lies. Often I am taking care of the children and I have messed up loaning her money to try to get her on her feet and she’s 27 years old. No contact and telling people oh just because you have some difference just go no contact so you can reserve your peace well that piece that you’re looking for is not peace because it’s destroying our lives because when you want something, you come after us and you destroy our peace. All this no contact is the same thing. Same reasons why you have no friends today the communication and how to handle conflicts differences lack of communication and no contact is an easy way out because you don’t know how to handle what’s real between people. So these grandbabies, imagine what they are going through imagine what they’re seeing being pulled between people. It’s sad. Not all Gen X people including me were abused by our parents. Yes some of them drink, but we had barbecues. We went fishing. We did family things a lot of of it. And we did get our butt whooped, but I am so thankful. My dad tore my ass up when I got in trouble because it taught me boundaries and it taught me not to do the same mistake again and there was consequences. And listening to your elders, listening to your elders is not trying to tell you do what they tell you to do. Learn from what they’re telling you. They’re very smart people history repeats itself. They’re not there to hurt you there to open up your eyes and things that you don’t see when you’re growing up. They’re trying to help you stop being so bullheaded. Take what you can from listening apply it when you think it fits into your life and if it don’t, don’t do it it’s that simple.
I love you all and I’m praying somehow this world turns around because it is just getting uglier and it breaks our heart to see what everybody is going through. Y’all need to come together learn how to get along work through the conflicts. Do you want the others that you want done under you? That is the key. Change
As a millennial mom I’m on an app for moms to make friends with other moms and no one ever replies to me- no one keeps up conversations- everyone claims to be so lonely but when you try to be friends with them they don’t reply
The Greeks had a concept of the four loves, like in one of the C.S. Lewis books you quoted. In ascending order, they are romantic love, familial love, and above that love in friendship and beyond that self-sacrificial love. Something I noticed about that is that self-sacrificial love is the only kind where it's pretty much inconceivable that it's for your own personal gain. Those other relationships have the possibility and at least a shadow of a doubt that you're only there because they make you feel good and enjoy yourself, but if it's to the point where you're sacrificing yourself (your life, time, money, etc. in a significant way) it's showing that you matter more to me than I matter to me.
I had really bad depression all throughout my teenage years, I could barely look after myself let alone put effort into keeping relationships, so now, I’m here at almost 20, with only one friend who barely speaks to me even when I text her first. And I’m trying my damn best to keep that friendship afloat.
Im so glad I found this channel. The despair for society and the world I'll be living in is more concrete, yet lessened when I listen to you. I have difficulty formulating my thoughts into words and when I hear you convey them so articulately its like scratching an itch that I just can't reach, like a sigh of relief. Hearing you speak with an optimistic belief that not all is lost, that circumstances may improve despite the crisis this "cooked" generation poses to our future gives me hope. I am willing to be a villager and if I'm not the only one then there is hope! Thanks!
I am lucky enough to have the same core friends from elementary school.
I don’t have any friends but the difference is I desperately want and need friends. I’m just socially awkward and don’t really know how to talk to people 😅
Do you have hobbies in the real world? A dog that gets walked at the same time each day? A decent walking or running track that you could walk regularly? The more you exist regularly in the real world, the greater the chances you'll start connecting with others doing the same. A friendly regular nod turns into "hello" which turns into "I like your sketch/dog/gait - can I ask you about it" which turns into an actual conversation about things you're already interested in.
Start picking up those hobby classes where you get to do your hobbies with a group of people. Or just start hanging around the places of topics you like. You'll meet someone eventually and then you have something to start the flow of a conversation from.
@MZB80 yeah, I have hobbies but seasonal depression is hitting me right now so I haven’t been doing much 😞
Yeah, I... I don't know the feeling of friendship anymore.
You know, with the world ending, possible world, people near me being so fucking strange, i like legos, you know, stramge things.
Legos are the best, I build the miniature houses in my free time. It’s not strange, it’s different
Nothing wrong with being strange, especially by today's standards.
@Rev.JimJones
Mmmm, lung bacteria shield👍🥹
Wait is this saying legos are strange or you like legos and also other strange things.
I was pretty dang popular in highschool, and knew a ton of people.
Like... hundreds of people on a daily basis (I skipped classes and such)
But my point is:
Knowing hundreds of people, on the last day of school, I was able to get about 80 phone numbers so we can still "talk" after highschool.
The first 3 months after graduation, only 40 people actually chatted.
I had 8 close friends, and we all hung out.
After 6 months, that became 6. Let's just.. cut to the chase.
1 year after highschool, I only have 1 friend now. And trying to "connect" with my age group, is ussually a few discord messages then never speak again.
The entire "lonliness" epidemic is because no stupid parent taught my generation how to formulate "friendships".
gen alpha is extremely irrational and insufferable (learned from cousins and occasionally an online game)
And the only people I can even "hangout" with, because they remember what "socialization" is, are people above 27+.
Elders are better friends than my extremely self choosing lonely peers.
From knowing like 400 people in highschool, being liked, to only 1 close friend after 1 year of highschool, has to be a first.
Yes, I was a social butterfly, and extroverted. (SIMPLE BECAUSE I KNEW ABOUT THIS WHOLE "LONLINESS" CRAP WOULD HAPPEN IF I DIDN'T)
I’m normally a very friendly and outgoing person, being around a new group of people at work who I know dislike me and I know aren’t doing their job and contributing to getting things done and watching me suffer. Has turned me into a quiet closed person who doesn’t really want to talk to anyone
13:39 Unfortunately, that isn't always the case. I'm autistic, and I was forced to hang out with people from certain social groups, who had serious behavioural problems, and were considered violent by the general public. It didn't happen all the time, but it happened enough to where I thought it was the norm, and because of this, I ended up sacraficing many real great relationships for fake ones, because I was rarely ever given a choice in whom to trust in, and often had to excuse their behaviour because I was taught that was part of life. I do have a lot of great friends, still, but most of them live in different cities and have moved elsewhere. Most of the people I see on a regular basis are absolute shitheads, even the ones that are autistic like myself.
wow
yeah me too
I have social anxiety, and it can get REALLY bad, but I still have multiple friend groups I fit into, I do believe that my imagination is the reason I have friends though. I love creating stories and characters, which is the reason i"m into D&D. my friend groups are almost all circulated around ttrpgs. This has not only helped my social anxiety, but expanded my friend groups. I wouldn't have gone out and made new friends without games like D&D, Magic, or Pokemon. A lot of my current friends wouldn't have been in these friend groups without these games either. I'm just thankful I have the friends to enjoy these games with, and they are really fun to play. I did get plenty of weird looks from people when asking if they would be willing to fill a spot in a D&D campaign, especially when i had to explain what D&D is (It's not a cult).
Sometimes I wish we all could be less afraid to form meaningful bonds with each other
I had 3 real good friends. I dropped them after years of it only ever be me initiating every time. I tried again when one of them died, and 1 could be bothered to make it to the funeral, and the other has a history of saying they get back with me and never do.
The only way to grow as a person is to constantly challenge yourself and to keep putting yourself in situations where you feel discomfort, so that you can learn to tolerate it.
16:01 Excuse me, WHAT!!!!!!
Friendships require effort in both sides…
"Lust for life" goes so hard
Lust is a sin, it will destroy your entire life and lead you to hell
@Sinnomore-b7x im cooked then 🥀
@dwjvgvsscope-k7s your not if you repent. At the end of the day we’ve all messed up, nobody’s perfect. Everyone has regrets and failures in life. I have my own
@Sinnomore-b7xwhy were you commenting this at 1 am
I have my own friend group, but I’ll be honest when I say I get really nervous when I try to socialize with outside groups. It’s hard to confirm who you can trust nowadays. But at least I still take my chances to get to know new people. ❤
Someone once asked me, and this question always really bothers me, "Do you choose friends based on their appearance. Or based on what's inside?" This is why I close myself off: the moment I don't share the same interests as other people, nobody even approaches me. I am glad to be an introvert.
I'm a introvert too and it's like me or even other introverts are quick to notice when someone's only hanging out with you to make themselves look like less of a loney loser instead of connecting with you on a deeper level.
While I get the sentiment not everyone is like that. I think you do yourself a diservice long term if that is where you approach people from. I also do think, and please hear me out first before pitchforking me. That relationships are all transactional in some way. Friends stay friends because it's too inconvient to stop being friends or because they both mutally agree their getting overall more benefit then negative. Benefit can be monetary, time, disscusion, a safe place to do xyz, having common interests, feeling compersion when gheu feel good, reassurance validation, support. I think humans do charity because they think it is functionally beneficial to the society they live in, or the one their kids live in, or because it releases certain feel good hormones and eases guilt. If you truly have no similar interests I think that was never a friendship in the first place. As a similar/common interest that should always be mutally held is in the health ad quality of the friendship.
Sorry rantty.
@solmas2111 The phrase “opposites attract” exist for a reason. There are people who don’t share the same interests but when together, they can vibe as a unit. The problem is, too many don’t put the energy in to aid their friends and show them they care. Now I understand, when you’re an adult, u get busy. Heck, a lot of men just don’t message each other as much as they should(tho this vacuum is typically meant to be filled by a woman)
I think this depends on where you are and how much social media you consume. I moved to Florida fully two years ago after living in Jersey for 24 years and being raised there, but after spending that two years down in Florida, I’ve made a few friends already. I think it takes time, confidence, and respect for one another, along with the ability to commit to each other and wanting to hang out. People are busy, so we always need to plan, but I think that’s just life, and it’s our job to want to commit to it or not.
(this is a rant, I recommend reading to the whole thing if you have the time)
Let's make this connection mind you that things ended up like this because:
• We don't have adequate living conditions and survival needs in most of our Cities, or the adequate conditions and survival needs we do have require incredibly high wages to afford and maintain; We can't afford to do basic things such as live in some places, and that attributes directly to where all the Country's Wealth is and why it's there in the first place.
• Criminal Activity around the Country has risen in the coming years and is still climbing in some areas due to factors such as growing Parental Negligence, Poverty (see Point 1), Disregard or lack of Mental Health Educations for older individuals, Individualism as a principle itself, etc; most if not all Crime is attributed to Desperation relative to hardships and terrible situations, lack of any meaningful Education, and just straight-up, plainly-put, bad Parental Discipline (see point 4).
• The Education System is and has been flawed in our Country since its revisions in the '90s, allowing Businesses to fund the Public Education System for Tax Write-offs. Effectively that means public Economic Agendas related to and biased towards business were highly sought after, thus entered the era of the Financeer and Corporate Parasitism. They're trying to make School cost as little as possible by cramming as much knowledge into the early-stages of Curriculums as much as possible; literally speedrunning Education, and that kind of pressured expectation is NOT good for any child at all, and;
• Parental Discipline is one such that most of these Corporate Giants need to pay attention to. We need time, and more importantly money, to guarantee a safe and secure future for our children and their children going forward; We are negligent because we can't afford to put time into parenting, all because they think taking from Society and not giving back has no consequences to them. We are encouraged to stay away from one-another because they breed a cruel and vile environment that scares everyone and no one can escape from, which results in such badly behaved people in the first place.
A lot of the problems and more have two major factors attached to them: Wealth is centralized and poorly managed by Corporate Oligarchs who refuse to give it back to Society, and bad Parental/Communal Outreach causing bad decision-making and anomalous misbehaviors because we don't have time nor stress capacity to do the necessary work needed to better ourselves and our children. Time and Money are something that most of us just don't have, and you can blame the overwhelmingly Wealthy 0.1% for that.
The fact that Power is centralized in who provides the most basic survival and living needs of a Country is a massive problem if that party is not willing to give it back and instead uses it as leverage. I advocate that they take just enough where they can still live middle-class, just so we can maintain our Country properly, because they clearly don't know how to manage that Wealth if they just wanna sit on it like Kings and do absolutely nothing with it. Apologies for the boldness of the phrasing, but it's killing people. Just stop it 💔
Edit: This isn't me defending Gen Z because of our problems, most of us do need to get our mindset back into Herd Gear, but a lot of this relates to how all these other factors lead to the environmental shift of our Villages, and more importantly how our Friends, Family, Coworkers, etc. have treated us. Millennials were victimized by corporate promises gone wrong and bad discipline. We somehow had it even worse, and that is a major problem because the pattern emerging right now is that the more Time and Money that are taken away by 'those in power', the more society falls apart, because without time and money how are we supposed to fight back? That's right, we can't; not without stepping up and exposing the pattern these Companies honor by their own Code. Take their crowns off, they don't deserve them; not for this.
The problem is that social media was pushed on kids early and in the beginning helped people develop friendships whilst far apart.
This however changed when the social rules shifted.
If back in the day you could easily take rejection and having bad friends; The same cant be said now because the social trust is nonexistent.
The social consequences today can completly ruin a person life forever.
People also have started developing a mentality where if they experience any issues they have to run social media and post it for the world even if its supposed to be a private matter.
I just feel sad. I didn't made any friends till today.
I'm super lonely.
All I remember is pain.
Take up fishing or some other hobby you can find others who do the same or end up enjoying it by yourself
15:50 Oh yes. Solitude can be peaceful and fulfilling. But loneliness in a crowd is a special kind of pain.
when i used twitter, every month or so a tweet would go hugely viral that went like. “Your co-workers are NOT your friends” and that always bugged me because im friends with like 10 of my coworkers, we get together all the time and have fun. like “what is wrong with you people?” is always what i felt. that can’t be healthy
I don’t know, my co-workers have talked shit about me behind my back on several occasions. I’d say it’s pretty to distance myself from that
The tweet "Your co-workers are NOT your friends" highlights the professional nature of workplace relationships. It’s good that you and your 10 co-workers have put aside the typical labels and collaborating dynamics to form genuine friendships. However this personal connection you are having is separate from the original intent of the tweet, which emphasizes that work relationships are usually based on roles, responsibilities, and collaborative goals within an organizational structure. You seems to confuse a bit between personal friendship and work collaboration in your interpretation. While friendships can develop among colleagues - no one denies this possibility, the essence of workplace relationships is, at its core, functional and goal-oriented rather than deeply personal. Authentic personal connections often require separating professional roles from outside-of-work interactions, allowing individuals like us to truly express ourselves beyond job titles. Yet, not every workplace is ideal for the similar situation as you to happen, and in many cases, influencial figures deliberately make the environtment hostile to put pressure on the oppressed party within the workplace.
What works for your group is a great example of personal relationships evolving beyond the workplace. Still it is not typical and it doesn’t change the fact that in most work environments, relationships are primarily built around formal collaboration and hierarchy rather than friendship, and the distant attitudes or over-friendly masks are often the norm response reflecting this nature of a workplace.
I am proud to say that as someone who has been called a good friend by multiple people, I have never once even thought about, "protecting my peace".
It’s like a Persona social link that doesn’t go past rank 3.
PERSONA MENTIONED
Oh dear you’re right
I’ll do ya one worse it’s a Kenji
My only experience going out with friends over here in Serbia is just them destroying their livers with drinks and losing all of their money in betting shops, it's just painfully depressing.
It's too late for me but it's my own fault. If anyone reads this, I hope you find a friend.
Why do you think it's your fault? We're all imperfect. And deeply imperfect. If we still can't reintegrate and redeem ourselves back into society from all of that and find a path forward, then that's society's fault, not yours. Sorry, I know that doesn't serve the Hyperindividualism narrative nowadays. I think you deserve friends, bro.
And why is it too late for you? Are you under the impression that people your age have already made their friends?
There are many others who are willing to make new friends, and they don't even have to be your age. The only thing that matters is whether you want them in your life.
Never too late to make friends, no such thing
Hustle culture and the constant hunt for dopamine makes it so people view other people as obstacles and time wasters
The problem is trusting others when your life experience makes you not trust everyone
i feel like my insight might be useful
im nearly as adult, and ive been outcasted by and from everyone most of my life. the only connections ive ever had was some select staff from school and some family members, and most of those connections with family arent even from my biological family. and almost all of my friends are people i found online.
or in other words, i have a mostly outsider's view of society (i might be wrong tho).
but, at least from what ive noticed, is that i was a lot "brighter" then those who were around me. by "brighter", i mean i seemed to be a lot more human. and also, the friends i did gain, felt like family. meanwhile the people around me were more selfish, self-righteous, and were always frowning. i mean, i have a case if resting bitchface myself, but they seemed genuinely sad and tired, both physically and mentally. everyone was so focused on this sort of "social dance" that seemed so tiring. i simply never participated in it, and im much happier then them. and while i dont have the numerous of friends they had, i didnt feel that alone.
of course, no one is without their sadness, and i am no exception.
but if i can give you some advice, it would be this: take the risk of getting to know someone. take the risk of loving someone. take the risk of _being yourself._ even if everyone hates you for it, you will be much more happier than them. and in my eyes, that's what life is about.
you only have one shot. enjoy it while you are blessed enough to have it. good luck out there, and may Jesus be with you
Fortunately, I have some friends, but I don’t have a lot of friends and I don’t have a girlfriend. As a Gen-Z guy, it devastates me, but it’s even worse for somebody with autism because a lot of people (especially my age) don’t understand me or others by how we think differently, what struggles we have that we try to overcome, and how creative that most of them can be.
Not to mention, when I was a sophomore, I asked a lot of people from my high school that I attended if they were interested in going to my New Year’s Eve party that I was going to plan out. I offered them an invite, but unfortunately, none of them were available, so they rejected my invitation, and it devastated me real hard because I wanted to have the best high school experience even outside of high school. But no, most of the people that went to the same high school as me were purposely isolating themselves because they had a lack of social skills, communication, confidence, etc.
And you were right when you said about people not owing you anything. Because there were a couple of times when I asked this one person in college that seemed to like me and I asked her out. However, she rejected me by telling me that she had a boyfriend. I let it slide because I know she isn’t interested in me, but what she didn’t tell me that she was gay. I confronted her by asking her why she didn’t tell me and all that. What I didn’t know is that I crossed her boundary because she doesn’t owe me an explanation. My confrontation was so insensitive that she got so upset with me, bitching about me, sending her long messages as she made a long rigorous rant on me by complaining about me. I’ll have you know that it was not my intention to make her feel unsafe like that. Although, I replied to her by apologizing to her in a raging manner. Even that other girl shamed me for asking her some engaging questions because I was trying to be friendly to her. Though, she thought I was being creepy to her because we didn’t know very much about each other, but never told me that she has a boyfriend. Oh well.
Not to mention, I shared my stories about those situations on TikTok, and I literally got bullied for it.
Even my brother went into a serious depression that led to the police showing up at our door. He cut me off from the situation because he told me that I didn’t understand what he was going through, even though I had some similar experiences. People say that autistic people like to be alone and that they’re happy with it. At the end of the day, it’s bad for some people that are willing to socialize because you have to learn basic skills of social and communication. People will judge you for not having a lot of them, which has led to people bullying you, especially rejection.
However, I have a few friends that just use me, and tell me that we’ll do things, but we barely did. -_-
now that ive moved countries, i feel a sense of longing for a time where i get to socialise and go out with my friends that i already have and love. where i live now, everyone at school is (to varying extents) either racist, ableist or sexist. it REALLY makes me not want to befriend anyone here, and i guess ive been feeling the effects of that :/
ill try step out my comfort zone to give a second chance to meet new people, might come back to this comment if it works (although i doubt this'll be seen)
like the video says at 17:29 though, my current friendships are stronger than ever, and i feel so much comfort with them :>
I've tried friendships with Gen Z folk as a millennial. Make it easy, set things up, they have a great time. But my goodness, the lack of social skills and follow up is brutal, the insistence on texting 99% of the time and hanging out 1% of the time is just minus fun. It's annoying, the Gen Z folks I meet are actually cool af, but they often don't have the skills to make friendship work, even with third places and enough money to do something.
I work with a bunch of Gen Z, helping them develop life skills, covid broke them, and social media finishes the job. That all said, the ones I see succeeding actually leave their houses and are totally fine and have substantial friend groups. Develop skills, get off the brain rot, stop taking advice from glorifying losers, practice social skills at your level and advance!
I mostly agree.However I think the biggest hurdle is within the last sentence or two. Identifying your level to practice, then finding a place and people at the same level.
Could you give some advice? For anyone else who might read it and for me as I'm curious what you will say with the experience you have.
@solmas2111Sure! Even growing up as a weirdo millennial there are a number of social things I take for granted, but working with Gen Z folks I'm trying to figure this out with y'all.
Some ideas
- Identifying lack of appropriate socialisation, the things we needed to learn and weren't taught, for awareness
- Research, including reading with 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'
- Starting to speak with service workers and eventual random people. The magic question - "How is your day going so far?" People will talk about themselves or not, and if they say something that interests you, ask a follow up or give a short comment on your experience. Doing this over and over builds a muscle.
Cause I don't think there's a damn thing wrong with Gen Z folks, you just weren't given the skills and opportunities, but with practice you can make it work.
Acquaintances and friends still come rarely, that's normal and to be expected, the success rate is necessarily low. Learn to embrace failure as a friend, it's magic when that idea makes sense.
Notice any feelings of personal inadequacy, being threatened by people, anxiety etc. Learn more about those emotions and reactions in your body and nervous system. Befriend them too.
Internal Family Systems and self-differentiation are great for improving your relationship with yourself. When you can get out of survival mode, opening up becomes easier, and people will more often see you as safe and easy to be around.
Also, learn boundaries and discernment of people who may use you, or take advantage of unprocessed people pleasing and codependency.
Researching all these terms and practising takes time, but I feel at least some of it is worth looking into.
Hope any of that helps, I choose to believe in your ability to move towards a situation that feels more connected for you :)
I remember being great at having online friendships for maybe 2 years of my adolescence. After that? Hate the phone outside of entertainment/information purposes. I like a phone call but everybody just prefers text now and I CAN'T DO IT 😂
they do want to be/have friends, that's for sure, but yeah, all what u said... (I like genZ but it takes a memory update about all that nearly every day!)...
No ill do nothing fuck your degenerate modern world. Let it burn.
many of us learned the hard way to put ourselves first. Me personally, I was burned twice. Once as a child, you grow up, you try again. I had a friend as an adult. I was there for her whenever she needed me. I forgave a lot from her, including things like spending 30 minutes on twitter while we were out and pretty much not even hearing if I was trying to talk to her, then always talking about her interest, either putting mine down or just changing the subject as soon as I thought it was my turn. I was there when she lost someone, I was there when she feared for another loss. Then I lost a close family member and for once I needed a friend, I needed support, a bit of distraction. I was essentially told she only has about an hour because she wants to go have fun with others. I learned my lesson. It's a two way street from the get go or nothing, and I WILL put my own needs first not someone else's.
Honestly as a millennial I didn't have any friends in my 20's or 30's (still in my 30's~ 🤣) except my cousin's on my mom's side of the family & few friends online from Japan, France, UK, & US~ 🤷♀️😅😅😅 What got me was seeing people online I went to school with add others from school from year's ago because you can see who other's are following etc on social media when I added them they blocked me but yet in school the same people who blocked me acted as though we were friends in school. Makes zero sense to me... 🤦♀️✌️🤙
This is why I love church, and my youth group at church. I have a community of people around me that I can connect with, relate to, and share good memories with. If you don’t have friends, church might be the best place to start. It’s helped me with my loneliness, and maybe it will help you too
at this point it unfortunately doesnt even matter if ur a good friend or not people are not willing to take friendship seriously and people think that real friendship is by pranking eachother in the meanest way possible or telling each other the most horrific words or playing with ur insecurities and calling that "friendship" people nowadays dont do real acts of frienship and are too toxic and im just 16 now imagine the little ones 💀
I think it: s easy to think this wry but challege you to reframe to some portion of the population that I can choose to interact with or not think this way and I just have to keep trying until I find the portion that doesn't view friendship that way.
I'm shy, awkward, and probably autistic. I struggle to make friendships, and struggle harder to keep them. I don't know where people usually hang out and I can't ask my parents to take me to a whole bunch of places. I sometimes get ignored and struggle to get involved in conversations. And I don't leave the house often, and don't really like to. And I've been homeschooled most of my life. The only place is the internet, and I hate the internet.
7:15 Bars 🔥🔥🔥✍️
Just bars
truer words have never been spoken
Education is made by women FOR women.
Period.
Abolition of man mentioned, subscribed
Therapy helped me dealing with being tired and stressed and still being able to see my friends.
Therapists who teach intense focus on negative emotions and avoidance only make you sick.
Honey! Kids! Doggo! Come to the living room! Casey just dropped a new vid!
Apparently my problem is not approaching anyone and everyone, since it seems like no one wants to approach me.
I agree with you it’s sad doctors can respond Gen Z 😢 that’s not right bro why everyone should be lonely? It’s crazy
We have been so obsessed with "fake" friends that we've forgotten what real friends look like.
Turned 21 recently, used to have friends, then I moved, made more friends, moved, made more friends, moved, got into high school, made more friends, moved, made more friends, moved to where I am now, got into college and made friends, by the end of the year I'll be moving out again, I don't have friends because I don't have the time to have friends
its crazy to think how lonelier we get the more human population there is in this tiny planet
I work at the mall. Go to the mall, explore, have fun outside seeing things. You don't even have to spend money to be in the presence of people. Starting a conversation is free and easy, go where other people are. The mall might be dying, sure. I get that. But that's where I see the most people actually being social.
Also put effort into being approachable. I got polish descent- my RBF is legendary. I’m actively controlling my face and I’m always aware of other people, so that I look interested in talking to people, and then I don’t even have to start. Just pay attention if they other person is interested, and let the convo fizzle if they’re not
I don't know where there even is a mall or public place where people can sit together for free.
@gantmjthat's sad.
@gantmj🥷🏿 it’s called a park
The best part out of all of this is the fact that nobody goes out , so some parks are completely empty during morning hours, so I have it all to myself, and the view is amazing!
I can seriously appreciate this man's commentary. Straight-forward and realist. You are a representative of our generation, sir.
It’s crazy how well yall understand your predicament…..
Dude I just moved to a new place after a breakup, I work remotely and literally only have one friend and she lives halfway across the country. We exchange one long message every day like letters but other than that, yeah… At least I’m not alone in feeling crippling alone. 😂
For what it’s worth man, really appreciate these videos. Awareness is the first step to making better choices and your mindset has been inspiring.
Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all
Casey, I have to tell you how much I’ve been loving all the videos you’re posting on RUclips! I’ve been following you since I was 15, and now that I’m 21, I’m so happy to see your growth!❤️❤️
Thank god someone's talking aboht this. Ive met entire groups of people and then it seems like when i got a new job or moved or something they stop talking to me or in general
My bestie and I are both busy a lot. But we try to get together every now and then. We’re both single so I’m going to have valentines day dinner with her. That’s at least our next planned thing. I hope to hang with her more once our jobs aren’t so insane and we have more time that lines up good. But I can’t imagine not having her as my friend. She really is my closest and borderline only friend I have now. Also, we send each other memes all the time too so we’re in some kind of contact even when we can’t hang.
24:44
It all comes down to younger Z and Gen Alpha having zero social skills and being A holes. If the kids treat everyone like trash, then no one wants to be around them
As someone born in 97, I took so much of what you said and put it in a 3rd person perspective. And you're right. I need to take more risks and put myself out there. I have good friends, but after HS so many of those friends went their own way or have kids at this point.
It's so hard to find time to do stuff with them. I could always make new friends, but thats effort I need to put into it.
people need to stop letting spouses and having children get in the way of maintaining friendships, that's why so many communities or support-system have already crumbled.
when i learned that older gen z is not having friends i remember all the friends i have and the past ones at think that i would not be the person i am without all the people around me.
Definitely guilty of this. 💔 I'm an only child so I feel like this stuff is like tenfold for me because my default way of being since I was born is to do things by myself and to be comfortable being alone. I'm fr trying but it's hard for me to consistently sustain relationships with my partner, my family, and the couple friends I actually keep in contact with at all. I also deleted all my social media last spring so I'm extraordinarily isolated. But I genuinely like the isolation, so I only realized literally a month or two ago that I probably shouldn't be like this!! Lol. My friend called me out of the blue the other night and I answered and I was so proud of myself for picking up. But then I realized what the heck that's literally just normal 😭 small steps. I try to rotate and communicate with friend A, then my mom, then friend B, then my grandma, then friend C, etc. Hopefully someday I can sustain all these relationships consistently. Because I think about these people literally all the time. And I am very aware of how shitty of a loved one I am. Because me being in someone's life means a blast of warmth & enthusiasm and then radio silence for a couple weeks. Ugh. I wouldn't like that either!!
It's all ages, social skills are deteriorating across the board. Millinneals make shitty friends rn, too. I didn't make tamales at all in 2025 cuz I got sick of doing it alone. Made a bunch outta wild game, cast a wide net of several days with a weekend and tons of notice, still made them alone. They are usually a holiday gift thing, but I'm don't giving away my shit.
It's not like i had a choice when i couldn't make friends. I wish i could approach people in real life or have friends my age but nope. I blame myself but also my autism, social anxiety and shitty upbringing, my fault for not being out there, but learned helplessness and low self esteem doesn't help one's self worth. Somehow I'm not depressed anyhow, so that's interesting.
I was about to pen pal a Gen Z until I was accused of trying to set up hangouts all the time, long distance mind you. Clearly he had no understanding on how to keep in touch with someone far away.