Yup the mask slips for sure and all is revealed. I thought all of my ex was revealed beforehand but tonight I learnt no he is psychotic and a full on narcissist. Never had anything nice to say even when I was doing something for him like when I planned our anniversary trip he whined the entire time can't remember why ngl but it wasn't anything major I'll tell you that much.
I think the cruelty manifests from the dumper’s need to justify their own actions. In order to avoid feeling guilty, they will justify their decision to leave by painting a picture of the relationship and you are somehow now a fire breathing dragon in their eyes. They will typically have nothing positive to say about the relationship. This feels like cruelty to the dumpee but it actually has everything to do with your ex wanting to avoid feelings of guilt, It’s important to recognize they have chosen to protect themself at your expense. Its also worth mentioning that a persons instinctual reaction to such cruelty is to defend themself and point out the accusers faults and failures in return. Do NOT take the bait as it allows the dumper to feel less guilty when you are also full of negativity and pointing a finger back at them. Silence is golden people!!!!! Utilize it in all areas of your life. I also want to add that there no contract rule has worked every single time for me. However, be prepared because you might not even want your ex back anymore when they do come crawling back. That, however, is a much bigger victory than winning them back. Moral of the story? You simply can not lose with no contact. Stay strong!
Yeah that happened to me, she cheated on me, and after 4 weeks of NC I sent a letter to her just to clarify and to give peace to myself, thanking her for the 2 years together and hoping that she would find success in her life, a few minutes later she answered in the most dark and cruel way I ever saw her, she was like a monster, she said: "I hope you can one day stop being this spoiled child I once dated and that you become a man of body and soul. Success ;)" I didn't know if I should just ignore and delete her for good or answer, I did end up answering: "Well I don't care how you think of me, but if that is the way that you do, then it shows more of who you are than me. I reached out just to thank you and to give peace to myself, I finally have that. Success to you as well." She instantly saw the message, but by then I blocked her for good. She is now dead to me, after 2 years together and all the love I gave her. I now know that she is definitely a narcissist.
Thanks for writing this - very helpful... Do I want him back when he was so cruel to protect himself at my expense? I just don't know anymore... He was beyond cruel and selfish... The love is preventing me from being angry. Ugh... I don't know how to get over that.
Girl..your comment helped me more than I can explain. It’s so hard when you feel like you’re falling apart and they’re (at least presenting themselves to be) totally fine. I flew out to see my ex 4 days ago. When I brought up our relationship, he got angry and told me he wanted me to leave first thing in the morning. I cried and he was totally chill. But the next morning, I just got an Uber and left without saying goodbye. I think that surprised him because he was expecting me to beg. Hopefully he is having second thoughts.
Michelle Wright Words of encouragement why go back with someone that rejected you in case your way and break your heart mine did that to me my ex-girlfriend and my family has rejected me when I needed them the most and all I have is God the Lord said Put not your trust in man but your trust in him I prefer to put my trust in him man will always hurt you but God won’t hurt you But we all reap what we sow good or bad
They haven’t moved on. Any signs of anger and hate is not a sign of moving on. People who moved on and healed don’t have hate or anger, since they have accepted and forgave why things happened .
I’m not sure I agree with this. I met up with my ex after moving on. Everything in my life got better everything in hers got worse. I saw her in a light with so much disgust and pity. She was also going through a breakup from the person she was cheating on me with as well. I listened to her offered an ear then I was allowed the floor to speak and it was the first time I was able to speak about why I dislike her and how she acted in the relationship. I said some really harsh things but it was the truth. I told her we couldn’t be friends, said I don’t like her, and the list went on. I believe I moved on and feel sorry for her.
@@loria287you can still forgive someone and not forget. My point is about a lot of hatred towards that person and anger. Hate is stronger than dislike.
Loria, dude, you are trying way too hard to convince everyone you just "feel sorry for" her.. But to everyone here, that is not how it looks. You are clearly hung up. You figure expressing pity is the best way to chip at her self-esteem. I can tell you now that it's not going to do that. It only shows her that you are hung up. And if she has an ego about that kind of thing.. You have just supported it by your behavior. You can say the harshy harshy harshest things about her, and she's not going to care. Get a handle on it. Let go. Move on.
I left him alone and he became more cruel, evil and inconsiderate. It's the strangest thing..it's like he's mad that I'm not chasing him. Once I'm completely healed I cannot and will not go back to a heartless person....once your feelings go away they feel your energy and come back around..but at that point they are dead to me. Dead I say. I don't deserve this mistreatment.
I did the no contact. He came back apologised saying we were friends oh ok. Then didn't want to talk. And had even sent photos so that I could see he was moving on with a new girlfriend . I just asked what he wanted and said I am not second best. Blocked don't think he will be back. Not the outcome I wanted, need peace and I didn't have that.
I feel the same, his behaviour has been so bad I now feel repulsed by his presence .. I don't know this man anymore.. looks like his vile side was more him than the nice .
I just have one thing to say because this happened to me. When they go low, you go high. That means have self respect and do not let them tell you twice to leave them alone. If they pull that number on you, considered that person as dead- you know the one you fell in love with. They are dead and it will NEVER be the same. If there is a point when you two meet up again, you will have to look at them as an entirely new person. Consider this-why would you want someone back who slit your throat and kicked you in the gut on the way down????
What annoys me is that avoidants need to feel distance and pain in order to feel closeness and love. What's worse is that they are drawn to the poor souls that want to love with their whole heart and mind then they destroy them entirely
Honestly if all this has to happen, I don't even want the person back .I'm not going to be with someone that is intentionally trying to hurt me. i can't trust them anymore.
I get that. But I also think, I love my ex and today she was so mean to me. I handled it without anger and just said “I love you and you reach out when you’re ready, if you need help I will be there. Take care of yourself”. She is a FA and her emotions comes first which I understand. I don’t think it has anything to do with me, think it’s all her.
Your ex has already started a new relationship and want to go and live it out. It will fail, but nothing you can do or say to stop her. Only time will teach her a lesson.
Your right...mine theres no official break up happen...after 3monthss.maybe of Nc before she reach out everything's OK then all of a sudden she's just vanished again..and I found out she has a guy...I'm just like a dog leave me in the corner with no explanation...
The best thing I have found, as I'm currently going through this, is to simply forgive them. Not for them, but for you and your peace of mind. Realize they are not the perfect person you thought they were. They are just imperfect humans like you, with flaws, and emotions. Forgive them.
laughnowcrylater happened to me. But it doesn’t matter because they don’t care anyway. Plus it’s their loss. I would never be so cruel to anyone especially knowing how they’re hurting. Really gives you perspective on how messed up that person can really be. It sucked but she did it and it worked. Lol. Over 1 month of no contact and a lifetime to go! Haha
laughnowcrylater yep. Words matter. Especially if they have an underlying mental disorder like narcissism or borderline personality disorder. They devalue as they go out the door. Lick your wounds and move on. Rejoice in the mental freedom
But what if.... they broke up. I am being chill. Agreeing with them. Helped them move out in good hearted manner. Never tried to change their mind, past stating what I was willing to tolerate, as in no friends. Gave them all the space they wanted. 3 months later bitchy as hell when they contact me.
I needed to hear this. Honestly I don't want her to come back. This vicious cycle of push and pull and attacking of everything I am is getting old. People like that are cowards. Come out and say it instead of resorting to tactics that waste the time of people they claim to love. Don't come back.
Great advice. I wish I knew this 6 months ago. Then I wouldn’t have bothered to try so hard to hold on to him. On hindsight, him breaking up with me was a blessing. I no longer have to waste my time on someone who gives up so easily and doesn’t appreciate me enough. Him saying mean things to me during the breakup really made me lose all feelings for him. I realise I don’t even think about him anymore.
Your feelings are normal. Please remember that you are deserving of love. Sometimes when we learn to love ourselves better they finally realize what they really lost, or sometimes somebody else comes to love us and treat us like gold. Whatever the case, love will come to you. ❤️
People who care little for empathy and more about what they want and only really what they want. There is no reason to be cruel just to save oneself. Its unacceptable. ESPECIALLY when ending a relationship.
My ex has been silent and ignoring me for over a month now... I know people need space and time but like how do you ignore a friendly sincere message after a month ?
Consider he's a narcissist. Check videos about narcissistic abusive relationships. This kind of abuse leaves emotional scares and symptoms can even be similar to PTSD. Keep strong sister! 💪
This is exactly what happened to me. Thanks for explaining. I feel better about the breakup knowing its not just me but it is s typical reaction for the dumper.
To me this shows lack of maturity. If they're hurting and not ready or wanting to talk to then they should just not respond! Being mean to someone is never the answer! Especially if they want to try and come back later.
Never OK to abuse!! There's no not knowing what to do. Don't respond if you want to get away from your ex. It's that simple. Abuse is NOT normal or OK.
One thing I love about your channel Lee, you don't read people's emails. I feel like people experiencing breakups don't really want or need to hear about other people's breakup situations, and reading through other people's UNIQUE situations really doesn't benefit other people in any way. These videos have taught me a lot, please keep them coming! 👍
I’m wondering how just how the person who telling you “ I love you “ can change like this , no emotions , any feelings, being rude and forgetting about all years and things that you did 🤷🏻♂️ I mean that’s not normal
THATS BECAUSE THEY WANT TO BREAK UP WITH YOU ANYWAY, AND IT GIVES THEM AN EXCUSE TO DO JUST THAT... AND BECAUSE THEY ALREADY STARTED A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE ELSE...
@Debra Townsend i agreed 100% dear, my ex does that to me before and saying many hurtful stuff towards me😔💔 people are so cruel and weird and most of them are jerk
@@heartmendoza3361 same happened to me, all of a sudden... He said I was childish and all the ugly stuff but let's leave it in the hands of God. They are gona get it back double from what they did to us
Thanks Coach Lee. This cruelty explained makes me feel better about my situation because my ex said very cruel things to me we hen he broke up. He really went for the jugular.
Joe c Currently my ex is leaving our relationship up in the air for example I gave her no contact for three months and reached out so set up a date so we can hang out and then when we did but then she cancels and I’ve done this about five other times after that and she still canceles and comes up with excuses to reschedule and doesn’t give me a definitive answer of if she wants to continue working on us or just cut her losses and leave and she keeps giving me the runaround and it hurts that I’m not a priority anymore and I don’t matter I even gave her a easy way out of telling me through text if he’s not feeling the same but she still tells me that “she can’t cuz it still hurts and she’s confused and needs time and this isn’t easy from me” I completely understand but I don’t want to continue fighting the good fight for a relationship if it’s not wanted or worth it because then it’s just gonna be me fool out of myself and missing you bugging her and she’s gonna lose all attraction for me Paul and I think she’s just doing it to torture me because she doesn’t hit me up for days and I feel as though she just keeping me as a plan B or somewhere in the alphabet but for sure I’m not her first priority
Thank you for this video... my ex left me and blamed me and I tried so hard to talk and make it work. He left me so hurt and confused. You hit all the nails on the head.
Thank you Lee. I’m hurting so bad because my ex did this to me when I found out he was seeing another woman secretly. Earlier that day we were talking about getting remarried up until his drunk mother slipped the information to me and I confronted him. What a way to get treated. I’m lied to, cheated on, strung along and get dumped immediately calling me a liar, yelling at me in public. Making me hate him. All so he can spend time with his other woman. I must say that I was randomly at his mom’s house at the time and I honestly went there to break up with him because I knew in my heart he was hiding something and I couldn’t feel comfortable with him. In fact I never felt comfortable with him and choose him for the last 5 years to carry on the belief in my mind that I’m unlovable. I’m 49 and can’t break free from the self sabotage
This is so right on! Happened to me, I pestered her too much and she really laid into me with some I don’t love you shit. I’ve been in NC now for two straight weeks and will never break it. I have to see her once a week at work but I’ve been good the last two weeks. Your explanations are so accurate. I know she one didn’t mean those comments and was probably so frustrated that they just blurted out. I do want her back because we had a very good relationship for 4 years. I can easily get other women, but this one I could love for the rest of my life. Good luck to me and NC as long as it reasonably takes.
My ex girlfriend dumped me a month ago,I went no contact for twenty eight days then she text me saying she needed to speak with me.I was driving and asked her to call me and she did.During the whole ten minute conversation she did nothing but cuss me out and talk down to me.I blocked her number and will never want to speak to her again.I know it sounds cold but it’s true and I feel more better about myself and continue to have a sharp focus on my career path.
Billy Wylie idk the situation but that wasn’t very mature of her and you don’t want to be with someone like that. Did she ever try to reach out again? Do you have a new girlfriend now?
Very same thing happened over text with me..I just told her that if hating me makes you feel better, I'm sorry...then I blocked her..it's been a week so far.
My ex dumped me for his ex. I didn't beg, plead, or protest. It's been a month and I been in no contact since. We work together and I limited my interactions with him. I'm giving him the space he wants. Respecting his choice. I'm moving on. I've given him what wants yet he's pissed at me. I've made it easy for him yet he seems more effected by the break up than I am.
This is my husband exactly. Like a coward he ran away without warning. And then when he finally spoke to me he wouldn’t talk about our relationship. Cruelty upon evil …
My ex has gone from loving, caring and doing anything for you to someone so cold, nasty & hurtful No contact would be the greatest gift I could give her, that’s me out of her life. No contact would not make her doubt her decision, nor think of me in any form If I am out of the way, life would be so much better for her It’s sad it truly irs
You always do it for me! I’ve been doing no contact for about 3 weeks now were I had been begging trying to convince him why we should be together but he resisted and now I am contemplating what to say when or if we see each other. I’m still very hopeful but far less desperate..I am truly grateful for your videos ! You are a blessing ! I cannot wait to share my success story with you!👍🏼☺️
they all say that if at the moment they don't want you. I had this happened with my exes all the time and I have dated some very nice guys as well, who would never do that to me. So, those who did said go get someone else, they mean it at the moment. But often when some time passes and they are starting to have problems with their new relationship they will miss you if you really will go and get someone worthy right now who will treat you better you can make him literally crazy later. It had happened to me several times, with real Casanovas, trust me after a while you will not even want him back.
@@TheMissAlira Nice to hear ur experience...But do think casanova alwys come back?My ex is a casanova, he is so mean to me,I am constantly begging and pleading to him for 3 months ,he is in a rebound relationship..
@@TheMissAlira our relationship was only for 5 months, he is now with his rebound, he is very self centered and proud person, I dont think he will ever comeback...I lost all hope..some people play with our feelings nd this is the most disgusting thing..
Rushmita Roy I’m trying to get rid of the feeling to another wrong guy like that we were together for a month and a half. I miss him but I know he decided he will be better off without me, so I don't try to change his mind since I know that its nearly impossible. I'm just trying to focus on self improvement right now and become a strong woman. And maybe one day I’ll get one who will truly love me.
This made me feel a lot better. My ex did just this, saying hes been thinking about it for a while, he shouldn't have come back last time, he sees no future with me, blah blah blah. He was so logical and cold, it's so painful
@@U.Sir.Name7 Yeah it’s so fucking immature to do this to someone, why can’t these people just be normal and talk about feelings. They’ll get what they deserve for this cruel treatment. Karma sure has something in store for them 😌
Thanks Lee . Well I havent seen my 4 sons in 105 days. My wife got a barring order against me on 14th April because she waited for me to slip up and i did when i had a row with my 13 old son with his xbox. She pounced and called police claiming domestic violence. In one week i lost my home, children and marriage. She used the system to get me out of the house. If i set foot in my garden i will get 12 months in jail. My life has been turned upside down. Made homeless overnight. I am appealing and hope to go to court in October. My point is that I am with my wife 28 years and i cant believe she stooped so low. I am basically walking around with a knife in my back after being betrayed. I miss my kids so much. Love can turn to misery so fast. You have helped me so much. You make me feel like a phoenix rising from the ashes. Forever greatful. Colin from Ireland.
@colin i an going through the samething. What makes things even worse is i worked like a dog for 5 years to bring my wife and son into the country uk. To meet all the immigration rules. I went through 5 years of pure hell being separated from them both especially my new born son. Eventually got them here and united as a family , was going through serious break down then a year later got arrested for "domestic violence " lost my wife my home my son and kicked to the ground like a dog. She took everything someone who did nothing a non british citizen. And i supported her for 4 years got her a house in her home country. And paid the rent bills and food. Now im the one left like a begger just to see my son and cant even return to my own home cause of an inhunction. How deeply deeply cruel people can be. 6 month of depression. And lost my job for 5 months.
Sajan Patel * Well Sajan we have had very similar experiences and one thing I learned so far is you must try and stay mentally strong. It is very easy to fall into depression. A great saying I heard on youtube was If someone walks away from you LET THEM WALK ☺ best of luck.
Colin Whelan yeah its hard man. She lived for free for 4 years on my back. She came into the country for free on my back and my relentless hard work. She lived with me for free. She contributed nothing in the 6 years. I did everything. Now she has my home. Which is now being paid for on housing benefit so tax payers money and all the furniture which i paid for and assembled she has. And i have to beg just to have contact with my son. I lost 4 years of his life due to immigration problems. Esablished a relationship with him which was really good. Close bond. And now ripped apart. And on top of all that she treats me like a dog. And dictates my life. Its things like this which force good hard working decent men to murder. Ive not seen my son in 40 days cause she has disappeared off somewhere. No remorse, no guilt. No shame, no empathy. No conscience. How do people live with themselves. Sorry to hear about what happened to you.
I'm sooooo astonished at how perfectly explained your videos are, certainly including this one! From your business POV, I hope you do well as I have feeling many people, like me, find your videos too late for their own situations. We can send people your way when they just enter that breakup or near break up phase. And yes, I also realize rationally (but not so much emotionally yet) that your advice is perfect for our... next relationship, which we didn't think would happen, we didn't want to happen. Powerful sound advice for relationships, even other types of human relationships.
I did all of this discarding to my love during a time of my life where I didn’t think we would work because of some specific circumstances. What Coach Lee says is true, we become cruel to make them hate the relationship so they will go away so we don’t have to see them hurt. We don’t want to hurt them. We love them. I realized pretty soon after I discarded her that I had made a serious mistake but it was too late. I will never do this to anybody again. I will be respectful and talk with them face to face (I called her for the breakup) and not block them and I will listen to them even if it tears my heart to shreds. I’m sorry my love. I wish you’d give me a second chance but I know you will never trust me again. I’m sorry. I love you. Goodbye.
Wow. You describe what happened with my ex after the first breakup, we got semi-back together but not living together anymore. I was in analytical, logical mode, long emails. With the goal to find real paths of solutions to work on, to work on things, to make them better, improve. I did so by emails so our times together would be simpler, fun things - so I was at least half way good in my approach. But as you describe, it just built anxiety and harsh resentfulness in her, up to a breaking point. She dumped me cruelly, never telling me why, and basically it's what I asked her a few times (not knowing the "no contact" approach like I do now), to know why. Greeted only with hurtful silence. Thanks to your videos, I feel more equipped to deal with all of this, and at last have snapped out of my pathetic desire to be back with her. If it happens, we'll see, I'm not sure she wants to naturally, and thankfully, now I'm not sure either. That uncertainty, which was killing me inside, ain't so bad at all anymore. Uncertainty is really want drives us to "spy", ask around, look at old pictures, wonder if the rebound dudes (or dudettes) will make them forget about us, etc. That can never go away. But your videos empower us, and that will help whatever happens next.
Similar situation here. I think in these cases the other person does not want this anymore and this is just the cold hard truth. For anyone else reading this, ask yourself a question - would you want to build a new relationship with someone if he/she would act this way? If not, then why press onward? Now, I'm off to follow my own advise as the wounds are still fresh. 😑
This is so soothing. She actually sais a lot of the things you say Word by Word! Im binge watching every single of your videos as many times as i can; helps bring closure i shouldnt have searched for in my ex. I love her and would love her back; but i know i will do great without her too. She will always be in my heart and i know i will be in hers even if she "moves on" without me. Thank you Coach Lee. To everyone watching this video know you are Love Eternal even if it doesnt feel like it now; everything will be alright
Thank you Coach Lee! I’ve been watching your videos for years now. Currently going through this exact difficult time with the girl I truly love. This video just made sense in just the right time. Thank you for being here for all of us guys!
Best video I’ve ever seen on a situation about an ex. Hit the nail on the head and helped me understand everything I’ve been going through with her so clearly!
This is so great, explains why she has been mean and 'plays down' what we had. She was appreciative when i sent the message and i know she will miss me, she has to initiate now :) Happy!
Hey Coach Lee, I just wanted to say, thank you for the insightful video. I am glad that there are people like you on RUclips that explain the perspective of the dumper. I think that this video has clarified a lot of things for me as to why my ex pushed me away. I can now understand and respect his decision to let him go even though it's hard. These videos help me in times of weakness where I am dying to reach out. Your awesome keep up the great work!
The good thing is that we seek out these videos after we break up. It'll be unnatural for us to react with nothing more than begging. But the truth is, a woman who left you wasn't meant for you. We learn that in the months after the breakup.
Wow. Needing to hear this for a very long time. Hurts alot but much needed truth. He just doesn't love me anymore. Now I can get over it. I haven't talked to him for months.... thank you
You ate so right, my ex accused me of being with another women when I clearly wasn't, was very nasty over 2 weeks threatened with further actions, they change in to monsters, they change into somthing you never seen, its crazy how they drop you like a hot potato.
Hi Coach Lee , thankyou . I understand the situation now . My wife left 2 years ago, I found it hard to keep go . I was a totally broken man , the guilt, the heartache was horrible. We briefly got back together for 6 mths only to be dumped for a second time . My ex has now gone back with an ex from 20 years ago . I have finally got the message and I have to move on . Thankyou for your message . John
It’s interesting how the whole seperation can reverse itself. My ex initiated the breakup 2 months after my father died. Then I’m sure has a short lived relationship with another bloke. It falls to bits then she slowly starts trying to get close to me again. She had no concept of how badly she hurt me right at the hardest time of my life. So now I supposed the roles are reversed now. She starts trying to insert herself back into my life and I basically turned nasty on her. I cut all ties and now only communicate through a third party as we have children. She won’t be honest with me so I made sure she understood that she’s not welcome in my life anymore. 22 years we were together. 😐
Holy shit mate hope all is ok for you. I found out the day after my mothers funeral, which she attended and was loving to me that she had been seeing someone else behind my back for god knows how long. We were engaged due to get married, been together for years and now she is like a completely different person. Its so weird how someone you once loved with your everything becomes so cold and distant almost overnight. Today wouldve been our anniversary and potential wedding date and today i was on Facebook, not looking for her, just doing regular shit and i get a friend suggestion...her new man 🤨 with photos of them everywhere going back months. She only moved out 2 weeks ago but as cold as she has been she has still been intimate with me every few days. I should message her new fella and tell him shes playing us both, but im not that petty
@@scottallan7931 Damn mate that sounds awful, I know the feeling. There’s nothing worse. I’ve avoided going on Facebook in case I see something that’s going to hurt, gets me really anxious logging on and wondering what’s going to pop up. Sick in the stomach kind of feeling. It’s sad how people change and just become a shadow of who they were to us. It’s weird how it all flips and the person you’ve been closest to for so long just changes 😒sounds like you dodged a bullet as sad and as hard as it it right now, she had the capacity in her all along to be able to hurt you the way she did. That’s how I view my breakup. The person we loved and who we thought they were wouldn’t want to do that to us ,so it’s her loss. Hope you’re well and moving through the pain.
Sometimes it's down to a person gets one shot. I don't give 2nd chances to anyone in any situation if they hurt me badly enough, no need to revisit waiting for them to do it again.
This makes so much sense! My ex was being so mean to me more and more before the break up and I couldn’t understand why. We loved each other and then after a huge fight because of his behavior, he asked for a break and then broke up with me. It made no sense and even though we were both devastated and crying when he broke up with me and said I love you before saying goodbye made no sense to me. Like why leave someone you love and make excuses saying you can’t handle a relationship when you were doing so for almost a year? I think he kind of blamed me for some of the things going wrong in his life. Although I responded by going into no contact...in day 21 of no contact.
The best coach I ve met in our time. He s not out to tell us what we want to hear but what is just the fact. " if you didn't hear an obituary then ur ex is doing good.," No need to rush into contacting them
My ex dumped me...out of the blue...heartless really...so i went no contact..got over it in 2 weeks..finally after 3 weeks he text me and asked me to meet him. I reluctantly agreed. When i showed up i no longer trusted him and so over it and found happiness. He on the other hand looked thin, distraught, and cried the entire time. Begging me to give him another chance. I told him i would think about it and let him know at the end of the week. This happened on a sunday. That Wednesday he sent a text saying " i think we should go our separate ways" wtf...he begged me for a 2nd chance...i told him i would think about it...then he does it again. Now this would have made sence if i was bothering him..but i went NC the weeks during the break up and those few days after he asked for a 2nd chance and have not reaponded to his kiss off text the 2nd time...some ppl are on a power trip and play games...even nutty...going on with my life and thanking God he is no longer jerking me around..
Going about my Fathers business yes, my girlfriend did me the same way. She called to breakup with me and called the next day like nothing happened. They love games.
that's what my ex did. he was friendly at first but all of a sudden he got very cold and progressed to nasty. I didn't even talk to him for the few days we had a friendly conversation. Fucking batshit crazy people..
Going about my Fathers business same shit happened to me lol but it was a girl that was begging and crying on my floor. Exactly the same thing happened. She ended up getting back with her ex that same day and is now moving to a different state with him.
My ex did this ! He was so mean to me but I think he was doing it because he was trying to blame me for his mistakes .... I feel he was moving on and cheating with his other option and he was hurting me because the pull was to strong for him and he was allready moving on with some one and I wasn’t.
Sensor It I totally understand what you went through. My ex did the same thing. He strung me along and as soon as he found someone, he became more confident on leaving me. He continued to tell me he wasn't seeing anyone but he became more distant, cruel, and angry when I pointed his patterns of behavior and actions that clearly showed he's seeing someone else, like he actually leaves his place to go out on weeknights and spend weekends out which he never did when he was with me. After another long weekend that he didn't want to see me and he went away, I told him I'm done and not reaching out anymore. He asked me on my 3rd day of no contact if I told his sister about us. I just replied no and he said he will tell her and thanks. Let me know how yours is working out.
Jasmine J wow this sounds exzactly like my ex partner .... the same thing happened to me - he was playing me along all the while having a double life as if he was single to his friends and family they didn’t want him with me and he played along with it ... it’s the worst feeling ever !!! And I have a son who’s 14 while my ex was triangulating me with his sister my son now had a good for nothing step dad .... they are narcissistic
Oh I wish I would have found that 6 years ago and this is published. It honestly takes a lifetime to learn to love someone and respect them. It's unfortunate enough to run away before you could learn.
Coach Lee thank you so much for your advice . You are by far the BEST coach I have listened to. This video makes so much sense after my ex has begun to treat me with so much indifference to the point that he said he hasn’t loved me for months and he can’t emotionally care for me anymore.
Mine told me when he stopped loving me 6 yrs ago .the relationship lasted 10 yrs so the last 6 he says he was checked out. He said we were in an open relationship..lol .that's not what he said the last 6 yrs. He always said he could find no one to replace me 😢
He is a total SOB that made me feel as though he wanted me the same as I wanted him..he was not honest and I wish karma would show him what it is like.
Thanks Coach! You explained exactly how I felt. I understand that she was hurt, she said pretty mean things to me like my life is not good enough. She said that she is attracted to me physically but she didn't explain the reason for the break up. Like it was a gut feeling that the future would not be good. I couldn't understand and felt hurt.
My Ex has said some horrible things to me sometimes, and I thought it was because he was an evil person, but this point of view helps me to look at it a different way. Cherry🍒
For 181/2 years he was the kindest compassionate and caring man then the last 6 months he started treating me like I was nothing he completely turned into someone I didn’t recognise yet I still love him .
Great video! I've been struggling with this for awhile.. I'm still trying to get over my ex. It really hurts unlike any other pain I have felt in my life..
This is exactly what my ex had been doing. He was acting hot and cold. One min he misses me, next min he wants to break up, next min he held my hand then next he would let go. He told me he's struggling with his mind and his heart...It's been 16 days no contact for us. I hope he is just taking time to think things over. I'm trying to step back and give him his space
Thank you coach Lee. You have helped me more than anyone could know .the hardest part is and was ignorance on my part. Its so much easier knowing how and what and why .your a life saver and made a greatful friend in this most dark time in my life....
Thanks to this video now I understand why the love of my life treated me so cruel after she broke up with me because I was a nobody, 28 years ago. A few years later she married a would be preacher, who a few years ago was unfaithful to her and they ended up divorcing. That was one of the happiest days of my life! Unbelievably I never stopped loving her, but I was never good enough for her.
Thank you so much for the advice Coach Lee I really appreciate it because I do not know where I would be without you because I feel so much better after watching these videos
This video explains everything i experienced with my breakup…. She was so cruel, i didnt even recognized the woman i knew…. I think that was the way to tell me to back off, because she was emotionally not able to discuss at that moment….
![[SFM] Risky Recital](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/RzNkY1_Nk3o/mqdefault.jpg)
Many times you find out what that person truly is _after_ the breakup.
Yup the mask slips for sure and all is revealed. I thought all of my ex was revealed beforehand but tonight I learnt no he is psychotic and a full on narcissist. Never had anything nice to say even when I was doing something for him like when I planned our anniversary trip he whined the entire time can't remember why ngl but it wasn't anything major I'll tell you that much.
Well I already knew that and we are chipping in against all these other local losers
@@kyla8718 update
Yeah we find out they are nasty selfish narcissistic scum who never deserved us at all.
I saw it before the break-up but he got more nasty after we broke up.
It's sad that "sometime the person we would take a bullet for, is the one behind the trigger."
😥
Very Well Said!!!!
Painful truth but a very wise statement
I think the cruelty manifests from the dumper’s need to justify their own actions. In order to avoid feeling guilty, they will justify their decision to leave by painting a picture of the relationship and you are somehow now a fire breathing dragon in their eyes. They will typically have nothing positive to say about the relationship. This feels like cruelty to the dumpee but it actually has everything to do with your ex wanting to avoid feelings of guilt, It’s important to recognize they have chosen to protect themself at your expense. Its also worth mentioning that a persons instinctual reaction to such cruelty is to defend themself and point out the accusers faults and failures in return. Do NOT take the bait as it allows the dumper to feel less guilty when you are also full of negativity and pointing a finger back at them. Silence is golden people!!!!! Utilize it in all areas of your life. I also want to add that there no contract rule has worked every single time for me. However, be prepared because you might not even want your ex back anymore when they do come crawling back. That, however, is a much bigger victory than winning them back. Moral of the story? You simply can not lose with no contact. Stay strong!
Yeah that happened to me, she cheated on me, and after 4 weeks of NC I sent a letter to her just to clarify and to give peace to myself, thanking her for the 2 years together and hoping that she would find success in her life, a few minutes later she answered in the most dark and cruel way I ever saw her, she was like a monster, she said: "I hope you can one day stop being this spoiled child I once dated and that you become a man of body and soul. Success ;)"
I didn't know if I should just ignore and delete her for good or answer, I did end up answering: "Well I don't care how you think of me, but if that is the way that you do, then it shows more of who you are than me. I reached out just to thank you and to give peace to myself, I finally have that. Success to you as well."
She instantly saw the message, but by then I blocked her for good. She is now dead to me, after 2 years together and all the love I gave her. I now know that she is definitely a narcissist.
Thanks for writing this - very helpful... Do I want him back when he was so cruel to protect himself at my expense? I just don't know anymore... He was beyond cruel and selfish... The love is preventing me from being angry. Ugh... I don't know how to get over that.
Sonja thank YOU this inspiring message has LIfted Me Higher :) Bless YOU Beauty inside and OUt :)
Girl..your comment helped me more than I can explain. It’s so hard when you feel like you’re falling apart and they’re (at least presenting themselves to be) totally fine. I flew out to see my ex 4 days ago. When I brought up our relationship, he got angry and told me he wanted me to leave first thing in the morning. I cried and he was totally chill. But the next morning, I just got an Uber and left without saying goodbye. I think that surprised him because he was expecting me to beg. Hopefully he is having second thoughts.
@KairiHale how are you now?? Did he contact you again?? Doesnt seem like a reasonable person.
"Some people are just jerks."
it depends actually
people are just jerks.
Fixed.
I'm not jerk lol
God will get a hold of them...dont worry...God remembers...let go and let GOD
Michelle Wright Words of encouragement why go back with someone that rejected you in case your way and break your heart mine did that to me my ex-girlfriend and my family has rejected me when I needed them the most and all I have is God the Lord said Put not your trust in man but your trust in him I prefer to put my trust in him man will always hurt you but God won’t hurt you But we all reap what we sow good or bad
They haven’t moved on. Any signs of anger and hate is not a sign of moving on. People who moved on and healed don’t have hate or anger, since they have accepted and forgave why things happened .
True!!
I’m not sure I agree with this. I met up with my ex after moving on. Everything in my life got better everything in hers got worse. I saw her in a light with so much disgust and pity. She was also going through a breakup from the person she was cheating on me with as well.
I listened to her offered an ear then I was allowed the floor to speak and it was the first time I was able to speak about why I dislike her and how she acted in the relationship. I said some really harsh things but it was the truth. I told her we couldn’t be friends, said I don’t like her, and the list went on.
I believe I moved on and feel sorry for her.
@@loria287you can still forgive someone and not forget. My point is about a lot of hatred towards that person and anger. Hate is stronger than dislike.
Loria, dude, you are trying way too hard to convince everyone you just "feel sorry for" her.. But to everyone here, that is not how it looks. You are clearly hung up. You figure expressing pity is the best way to chip at her self-esteem. I can tell you now that it's not going to do that. It only shows her that you are hung up. And if she has an ego about that kind of thing.. You have just supported it by your behavior. You can say the harshy harshy harshest things about her, and she's not going to care.
Get a handle on it. Let go. Move on.
I think that differs with different type of people
I left him alone and he became more cruel, evil and inconsiderate. It's the strangest thing..it's like he's mad that I'm not chasing him. Once I'm completely healed I cannot and will not go back to a heartless person....once your feelings go away they feel your energy and come back around..but at that point they are dead to me. Dead I say. I don't deserve this mistreatment.
I feel the same he's pure evil now I don't want him he's rude and evil
I did the no contact. He came back apologised saying we were friends oh ok. Then didn't want to talk. And had even sent photos so that I could see he was moving on with a new girlfriend . I just asked what he wanted and said I am not second best. Blocked don't think he will be back. Not the outcome I wanted, need peace and I didn't have that.
None of us deserved it. But all we can do is heal.
I feel the same, his behaviour has been so bad I now feel repulsed by his presence .. I don't know this man anymore.. looks like his vile side was more him than the nice .
The exact same thing for me, it's like she's a demon now because I didn't chase her when she wanted the breakup 😂
I just have one thing to say because this happened to me. When they go low, you go high. That means have self respect and do not let them tell you twice to leave them alone. If they pull that number on you, considered that person as dead- you know the one you fell in love with. They are dead and it will NEVER be the same. If there is a point when you two meet up again, you will have to look at them as an entirely new person. Consider this-why would you want someone back who slit your throat and kicked you in the gut on the way down????
I needed to hear this
@@catalinss8136 looks like it costs money
Because they never actually slit my throat lol and am still breathing
@@SAMEntalhealth 😂😂😂 u take them back they might actually do it just because they didn't finish u off the first time.
@@jahleelx9270 tbh at first I thought she actually meant someone cut someone's throat lmao
The worst thing is when someone breaks up with you, then spins a narrative to turn people against you....
What annoys me is that avoidants need to feel distance and pain in order to feel closeness and love. What's worse is that they are drawn to the poor souls that want to love with their whole heart and mind then they destroy them entirely
Eeeek this is so true
Can you elaborate like what is meant by feel distance and pain to feel close? Thank You
Yep 100% with my ex
hurt people hurt people
100% and as an AA it will leave you reeling in agony.
Honestly if all this has to happen, I don't even want the person back .I'm not going to be with someone that is intentionally trying to hurt me. i can't trust them anymore.
I get it. Do you.
Amen!
This. Eff them.
That’s fine but he still lived off of me entirely while doing this. Would not leave my property for six months after beginning this stage.
I get that. But I also think, I love my ex and today she was so mean to me. I handled it without anger and just said “I love you and you reach out when you’re ready, if you need help I will be there. Take care of yourself”. She is a FA and her emotions comes first which I understand. I don’t think it has anything to do with me, think it’s all her.
She's like a different person, I don't even know her anymore.
don't let anything surprise or hurt you, don't react.
@@nemanjal Thank you and I'm trying that now. She called me earlier just to pick a fight.
My ex wife is a completely different person today. Its been almost 3 years now
My ex is someone I never met and I had his back but he talks to me nice then nasty to me
I think the harsh truth is you never knew the person. You had a fabrication, an idea in your mind of who they were but it was inaccurate.
They break it, you pull away. No contact. Give them what they wanted.
Your ex has already started a new relationship and want to go and live it out. It will fail, but nothing you can do or say to stop her. Only time will teach her a lesson.
You’re brilliant
Your right...mine theres no official break up happen...after 3monthss.maybe of Nc before she reach out everything's OK then all of a sudden she's just vanished again..and I found out she has a guy...I'm just like a dog leave me in the corner with no explanation...
@@maryallison4957 or you chose to do that because that's who u are. Nobody can make u do anything.
It will fail miserably... and maybe she'll get as sick as she made me
@@Feber2001 I’m sorry that happened to you. I hope you are doing better now.
Basically they're stuck on a 5 year old level with their emotional intelligence....
The best thing I have found, as I'm currently going through this, is to simply forgive them. Not for them, but for you and your peace of mind. Realize they are not the perfect person you thought they were. They are just imperfect humans like you, with flaws, and emotions. Forgive them.
I'm thankful for a God who will never leave.
Amen
Lol Believing in a man made fairy tale is prib why your partner left.
@@baldersn4474wow...
So beautiful! Amen :)
Until that one time when they say something so mean and really hit below the belt pushes you away and you're gone for good
laughnowcrylater happened to me. But it doesn’t matter because they don’t care anyway. Plus it’s their loss. I would never be so cruel to anyone especially knowing how they’re hurting. Really gives you perspective on how messed up that person can really be. It sucked but she did it and it worked. Lol. Over 1 month of no contact and a lifetime to go! Haha
yup, and then you wonder how and why would you have dated and been with someone that cruel or mean....pathetic.
laughnowcrylater yep. Words matter. Especially if they have an underlying mental disorder like narcissism or borderline personality disorder. They devalue as they go out the door. Lick your wounds and move on. Rejoice in the mental freedom
But what if.... they broke up. I am being chill. Agreeing with them. Helped them move out in good hearted manner. Never tried to change their mind, past stating what I was willing to tolerate, as in no friends. Gave them all the space they wanted. 3 months later bitchy as hell when they contact me.
Yes!
I needed to hear this. Honestly I don't want her to come back. This vicious cycle of push and pull and attacking of everything I am is getting old.
People like that are cowards. Come out and say it instead of resorting to tactics that waste the time of people they claim to love.
Don't come back.
Great advice. I wish I knew this 6 months ago. Then I wouldn’t have bothered to try so hard to hold on to him. On hindsight, him breaking up with me was a blessing. I no longer have to waste my time on someone who gives up so easily and doesn’t appreciate me enough. Him saying mean things to me during the breakup really made me lose all feelings for him. I realise I don’t even think about him anymore.
These videos help, but I still feel like I’m dying inside
❤️
It will get better. You have to choose happiness
Same
It’s perhaps because we can’t see anything else, or anyone else, but there are other people just like them or better. I feel you.
Your feelings are normal. Please remember that you are deserving of love. Sometimes when we learn to love ourselves better they finally realize what they really lost, or sometimes somebody else comes to love us and treat us like gold.
Whatever the case, love will come to you. ❤️
Seriously?? How can someone make another person feel emotionally so low just in order to keep the person away from them?
There are some truly nasty people out there.
People who care little for empathy and more about what they want and only really what they want. There is no reason to be cruel just to save oneself. Its unacceptable. ESPECIALLY when ending a relationship.
Selfish users and cluster b (insert expletive here)
Your words hit the mark. I'm in tears. Thank you for opening my eyes to why my ex treated me the way she did.
Sorrow..grief..shattered..crying..anxiety..depression..who needs this? Im moving forward ...
Why people can't just talk about it but have to play those stupid games? What is this emotional manipulation?
They are immature narcissistic assholes, that is why.
My ex has been silent and ignoring me for over a month now... I know people need space and time but like how do you ignore a friendly sincere message after a month ?
@@basicinfo2022 so you reached out?
@@valentin19998 yes after a month.
@@basicinfo2022 and she ignored the message to this day? how long have you been in nc before that?
I said to mine ‘tell me you don’t love me anymore, and you’ll never hear from me again..’ she wouldn’t say it - but still turned super cruel.
Its like hes a completely different person now! Ghosting me..cruel and vindictive..
Consider he's a narcissist. Check videos about narcissistic abusive relationships. This kind of abuse leaves emotional scares and symptoms can even be similar to PTSD. Keep strong sister! 💪
Ugh. Im going thru the same thing. Funny thing is i never in a million years saw it coming
@@soulsearchin2093 Same here! This person was wearing a mask 😑
Girlllll. Ugh man. Wish we could talk about it more. These type of men need to be banished.
I know how u feel
This is exactly what happened to me. Thanks for explaining. I feel better about the breakup knowing its not just me but it is s typical reaction for the dumper.
Same
Same
Coach Lee, I am speechless. You have word for word explained my break-up. I can't thank you enough for helping me. You're brilliant!!
@@LoveLife-uo3gg whatsapp who?
To me this shows lack of maturity. If they're hurting and not ready or wanting to talk to then they should just not respond! Being mean to someone is never the answer! Especially if they want to try and come back later.
Be careful what you wish for. My ex ignored 3 separate attempts of mine over 45 days, and her not responding still hurt like hell
Never OK to abuse!! There's no not knowing what to do. Don't respond if you want to get away from your ex. It's that simple. Abuse is NOT normal or OK.
The cruelty just hurts, I really have no words to describe how I'm feeling. Wish I could rest my head on a shoulder, but there isn't any.
I love how you don't differentiate between men or women exes or gay or straight. You are wonderful
One thing I love about your channel Lee, you don't read people's emails. I feel like people experiencing breakups don't really want or need to hear about other people's breakup situations, and reading through other people's UNIQUE situations really doesn't benefit other people in any way. These videos have taught me a lot, please keep them coming! 👍
It does give you insight and knoe your situation might not be so unique.
I’m wondering how just how the person who telling you “ I love you “ can change like this , no emotions , any feelings, being rude and forgetting about all years and things that you did 🤷🏻♂️ I mean that’s not normal
Pepe21, she probably had a change of heart - lost attraction. Something must have happened somewhere down the line.
You are THE best coach online regarding these matters
You’re just awesome!! No one on you tube explains like this - layman’s terms!
Not another soul. Finally someone that gets it.
THATS BECAUSE THEY WANT TO BREAK UP WITH YOU ANYWAY, AND IT GIVES THEM AN EXCUSE TO DO JUST THAT... AND BECAUSE THEY ALREADY STARTED A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE ELSE...
Yup that last part
Lol
Agreed
@Debra Townsend i agreed 100% dear, my ex does that to me before and saying many hurtful stuff towards me😔💔 people are so cruel and weird and most of them are jerk
@@heartmendoza3361 same happened to me, all of a sudden... He said I was childish and all the ugly stuff but let's leave it in the hands of God. They are gona get it back double from what they did to us
Thanks Coach Lee. This cruelty explained makes me feel better about my situation because my ex said very cruel things to me we hen he broke up. He really went for the jugular.
How are things for you now
Now I understand why he was so cruel. Thank you.
Sounds more like a bpd or narcissistic personality disorder
I'm agree with you!
really? how? in what way would it be narcissistic?
Yes, such an npd
Manipulation and (verbal and/or emotional) abuse, rather than mature and peaceful conflict resolution.
Joe c Currently my ex is leaving our relationship up in the air for example I gave her no contact for three months and reached out so set up a date so we can hang out and then when we did but then she cancels and I’ve done this about five other times after that and she still canceles and comes up with excuses to reschedule and doesn’t give me a definitive answer of if she wants to continue working on us or just cut her losses and leave and she keeps giving me the runaround and it hurts that I’m not a priority anymore and I don’t matter I even gave her a easy way out of telling me through text if he’s not feeling the same but she still tells me that “she can’t cuz it still hurts and she’s confused and needs time and this isn’t easy from me”
I completely understand but I don’t want to continue fighting the good fight for a relationship if it’s not wanted or worth it because then it’s just gonna be me fool out of myself and missing you bugging her and she’s gonna lose all attraction for me
Paul and I think she’s just doing it to torture me because she doesn’t hit me up for days and I feel as though she just keeping me as a plan B or somewhere in the alphabet but for sure I’m not her first priority
Thank you for this video... my ex left me and blamed me and I tried so hard to talk and make it work. He left me so hurt and confused. You hit all the nails on the head.
I also know I didn’t deserve that kind of treatment and he took no accountability and disrespected me in the process
@@ashleymartinez7237 me too. It hurt like hell
Same
Thank you Lee. I’m hurting so bad because my ex did this to me when I found out he was seeing another woman secretly. Earlier that day we were talking about getting remarried up until his drunk mother slipped the information to me and I confronted him. What a way to get treated. I’m lied to, cheated on, strung along and get dumped immediately calling me a liar, yelling at me in public. Making me hate him. All so he can spend time with his other woman. I must say that I was randomly at his mom’s house at the time and I honestly went there to break up with him because I knew in my heart he was hiding something and I couldn’t feel comfortable with him. In fact I never felt comfortable with him and choose him for the last 5 years to carry on the belief in my mind that I’m unlovable. I’m 49 and can’t break free from the self sabotage
I’m a 51 yr old dude that keeps doing the same damn thing myself. 🙄
@@bigchills7194 it’s been 3 weeks and in and out since
@@narc699 I do hope it gets much better for you. Time does that
@@bigchills7194 Thank you
@@bigchills7194 Thank you, it's up and down. I hope for you too
This is so right on! Happened to me, I pestered her too much and she really laid into me with some I don’t love you shit. I’ve been in NC now for two straight weeks and will never break it. I have to see her once a week at work but I’ve been good the last two weeks. Your explanations are so accurate. I know she one didn’t mean those comments and was probably so frustrated that they just blurted out. I do want her back because we had a very good relationship for 4 years. I can easily get other women, but this one I could love for the rest of my life. Good luck to me and NC as long as it reasonably takes.
updates?
Curtis Eby so how did thing turn out?
I bet you guys didn’t get back together huh...
Bro...4 years or not...if she said something like that to you, then you need to move on. You really do.
Any updates?
This man is just brilliant
Love him
@@bristyshurtradharpuja3531 Yes. He is on point with all his videos!!!Do it it nworks
@@laquithawilson2006 i will 😭💔
My ex girlfriend dumped me a month ago,I went no contact for twenty eight days then she text me saying she needed to speak with me.I was driving and asked her to call me and she did.During the whole ten minute conversation she did nothing but cuss me out and talk down to me.I blocked her number and will never want to speak to her again.I know it sounds cold but it’s true and I feel more better about myself and continue to have a sharp focus on my career path.
Billy Wylie idk the situation but that wasn’t very mature of her and you don’t want to be with someone like that. Did she ever try to reach out again? Do you have a new girlfriend now?
Wow. 'I need to talk to you' Someone once said: just hang up and say: my ear is not a garbage can. Bye.
Very same thing happened over text with me..I just told her that if hating me makes you feel better, I'm sorry...then I blocked her..it's been a week so far.
My ex dumped me for his ex. I didn't beg, plead, or protest. It's been a month and I been in no contact since. We work together and I limited my interactions with him. I'm giving him the space he wants. Respecting his choice. I'm moving on. I've given him what wants yet he's pissed at me. I've made it easy for him yet he seems more effected by the break up than I am.
Any update?
Me too!!!
So you were his rebound?
Yep!
I can only imagine.
I can just guess it is the same w/ me.
Mine too and he is my husband! When I try to move on he gets even meaner...I need a video on that!
This is my husband exactly. Like a coward he ran away without warning. And then when he finally spoke to me he wouldn’t talk about our relationship. Cruelty upon evil …
My boyfriend did the same avoidant attachment to a tea.
Big coward planned everything
Same here. You're not alone.
@@SR77736 we are divorced now… it took forever it seemed. I’m so glad he’s out of my life. He would have been a weight on me
My ex has gone from loving, caring and doing anything for you to someone so cold, nasty & hurtful
No contact would be the greatest gift I could give her, that’s me out of her life.
No contact would not make her doubt her decision, nor think of me in any form
If I am out of the way, life would be so much better for her
It’s sad it truly irs
You always do it for me! I’ve been doing no contact for about 3 weeks now were I had been begging trying to convince him why we should be together but he resisted and now I am contemplating what to say when or if we see each other. I’m still very hopeful but far less desperate..I am truly grateful for your videos ! You are a blessing ! I cannot wait to share my success story with you!👍🏼☺️
update?
How did you go??
@Anjels Berrios update?
How are you doing now?
This is really an intense and intelligent video...without a lot of inappropiate smiles and marketing. Thank you for this...
He is the best at fixing broken relationship restoration and attracting love💕💕💕..
Contact....h.e.l.p..
*✛2348103378310👈♻️♻️≧﹏≦亲爱的你好..
I’m so pain. I have no one to even express my depress. He is so means. He said even let me to have someone else. I can’t believe
they all say that if at the moment they don't want you. I had this happened with my exes all the time and I have dated some very nice guys as well, who would never do that to me. So, those who did said go get someone else, they mean it at the moment. But often when some time passes and they are starting to have problems with their new relationship they will miss you if you really will go and get someone worthy right now who will treat you better you can make him literally crazy later. It had happened to me several times, with real Casanovas, trust me after a while you will not even want him back.
@@TheMissAlira Nice to hear ur experience...But do think casanova alwys come back?My ex is a casanova, he is so mean to me,I am constantly begging and pleading to him for 3 months ,he is in a rebound relationship..
Rushmita Roy, I had one like that for 6 years. I left him because he never changed. I wanted something better for myself.
@@TheMissAlira our relationship was only for 5 months, he is now with his rebound, he is very self centered and proud person, I dont think he will ever comeback...I lost all hope..some people play with our feelings nd this is the most disgusting thing..
Rushmita Roy I’m trying to get rid of the feeling to another wrong guy like that we were together for a month and a half. I miss him but I know he decided he will be better off without me, so I don't try to change his mind since I know that its nearly impossible. I'm just trying to focus on self improvement right now and become a strong woman. And maybe one day I’ll get one who will truly love me.
This made me feel a lot better. My ex did just this, saying hes been thinking about it for a while, he shouldn't have come back last time, he sees no future with me, blah blah blah. He was so logical and cold, it's so painful
So since they're hurting
they're gonna hurt you
so they can stop hurting
Precisely. Absolutely cruel and wicked human being! They will get what they deserve in time. Karma is a b***h.
@@U.Sir.Name7 Yeah it’s so fucking immature to do this to someone, why can’t these people just be normal and talk about feelings. They’ll get what they deserve for this cruel treatment. Karma sure has something in store for them 😌
I hope so
Thanks Lee . Well I havent seen my 4 sons in 105 days. My wife got a barring order against me on 14th April because she waited for me to slip up and i did when i had a row with my 13 old son with his xbox. She pounced and called police claiming domestic violence. In one week i lost my home, children and marriage. She used the system to get me out of the house. If i set foot in my garden i will get 12 months in jail. My life has been turned upside down. Made homeless overnight. I am appealing and hope to go to court in October. My point is that I am with my wife 28 years and i cant believe she stooped so low. I am basically walking around with a knife in my back after being betrayed. I miss my kids so much. Love can turn to misery so fast. You have helped me so much. You make me feel like a phoenix rising from the ashes. Forever greatful. Colin from Ireland.
Damn man. I'm sorry this has happened to you. It's a very cruel thing to keep a father from his children.
I’m very sorry to hear that she has kept your sons from you and made up BS to do it. I hope you get a lawyer and fight like hell!
@colin i an going through the samething. What makes things even worse is i worked like a dog for 5 years to bring my wife and son into the country uk. To meet all the immigration rules. I went through 5 years of pure hell being separated from them both especially my new born son. Eventually got them here and united as a family , was going through serious break down then a year later got arrested for "domestic violence " lost my wife my home my son and kicked to the ground like a dog. She took everything someone who did nothing a non british citizen. And i supported her for 4 years got her a house in her home country. And paid the rent bills and food. Now im the one left like a begger just to see my son and cant even return to my own home cause of an inhunction. How deeply deeply cruel people can be. 6 month of depression. And lost my job for 5 months.
Sajan Patel * Well Sajan we have had very similar experiences and one thing I learned so far is you must try and stay mentally strong. It is very easy to fall into depression. A great saying I heard on youtube was If someone walks away from you LET THEM WALK ☺ best of luck.
Colin Whelan yeah its hard man. She lived for free for 4 years on my back. She came into the country for free on my back and my relentless hard work. She lived with me for free. She contributed nothing in the 6 years. I did everything. Now she has my home. Which is now being paid for on housing benefit so tax payers money and all the furniture which i paid for and assembled she has. And i have to beg just to have contact with my son. I lost 4 years of his life due to immigration problems. Esablished a relationship with him which was really good. Close bond. And now ripped apart. And on top of all that she treats me like a dog. And dictates my life. Its things like this which force good hard working decent men to murder. Ive not seen my son in 40 days cause she has disappeared off somewhere. No remorse, no guilt. No shame, no empathy. No conscience. How do people live with themselves. Sorry to hear about what happened to you.
I'm sooooo astonished at how perfectly explained your videos are, certainly including this one! From your business POV, I hope you do well as I have feeling many people, like me, find your videos too late for their own situations. We can send people your way when they just enter that breakup or near break up phase. And yes, I also realize rationally (but not so much emotionally yet) that your advice is perfect for our... next relationship, which we didn't think would happen, we didn't want to happen. Powerful sound advice for relationships, even other types of human relationships.
I did all of this discarding to my love during a time of my life where I didn’t think we would work because of some specific circumstances. What Coach Lee says is true, we become cruel to make them hate the relationship so they will go away so we don’t have to see them hurt. We don’t want to hurt them. We love them.
I realized pretty soon after I discarded her that I had made a serious mistake but it was too late. I will never do this to anybody again. I will be respectful and talk with them face to face (I called her for the breakup) and not block them and I will listen to them even if it tears my heart to shreds.
I’m sorry my love. I wish you’d give me a second chance but I know you will never trust me again. I’m sorry. I love you. Goodbye.
Leave them alone. If they don't want to be with you, you need to understand and accept it.
Soothing voice. But hurt or not. Move on for yourself and respect yourself.
Wow. You describe what happened with my ex after the first breakup, we got semi-back together but not living together anymore. I was in analytical, logical mode, long emails. With the goal to find real paths of solutions to work on, to work on things, to make them better, improve. I did so by emails so our times together would be simpler, fun things - so I was at least half way good in my approach. But as you describe, it just built anxiety and harsh resentfulness in her, up to a breaking point. She dumped me cruelly, never telling me why, and basically it's what I asked her a few times (not knowing the "no contact" approach like I do now), to know why. Greeted only with hurtful silence. Thanks to your videos, I feel more equipped to deal with all of this, and at last have snapped out of my pathetic desire to be back with her. If it happens, we'll see, I'm not sure she wants to naturally, and thankfully, now I'm not sure either. That uncertainty, which was killing me inside, ain't so bad at all anymore. Uncertainty is really want drives us to "spy", ask around, look at old pictures, wonder if the rebound dudes (or dudettes) will make them forget about us, etc. That can never go away. But your videos empower us, and that will help whatever happens next.
Similar situation here. I think in these cases the other person does not want this anymore and this is just the cold hard truth. For anyone else reading this, ask yourself a question - would you want to build a new relationship with someone if he/she would act this way? If not, then why press onward? Now, I'm off to follow my own advise as the wounds are still fresh. 😑
Your advice is always accurately spot on !
It's realistic , fair and without predjudice.
Brilliant advice !
Coach Lee this is really peaceful! You really help me to go trough my day!! Your here to stay your words are really powerful to me!! Thank you 🙏
This is so soothing. She actually sais a lot of the things you say Word by Word! Im binge watching every single of your videos as many times as i can; helps bring closure i shouldnt have searched for in my ex. I love her and would love her back; but i know i will do great without her too. She will always be in my heart and i know i will be in hers even if she "moves on" without me.
Thank you Coach Lee.
To everyone watching this video know you are Love Eternal even if it doesnt feel like it now; everything will be alright
Thank you Coach Lee! I’ve been watching your videos for years now. Currently going through this exact difficult time with the girl I truly love. This video just made sense in just the right time. Thank you for being here for all of us guys!
Best video I’ve ever seen on a situation about an ex. Hit the nail on the head and helped me understand everything I’ve been going through with her so clearly!
He is the best at fixing broken relationship restoration and attracting love💕💕💕
Contact....h.e.l.p
*✛2348103378310👈♻️♻️≧﹏≦亲爱的你好
This is so great, explains why she has been mean and 'plays down' what we had. She was appreciative when i sent the message and i know she will miss me, she has to initiate now :) Happy!
This summarized our break up damn near exactly.
Hey Coach Lee,
I just wanted to say, thank you for the insightful video. I am glad that there are people like you on RUclips that explain the perspective of the dumper. I think that this video has clarified a lot of things for me as to why my ex pushed me away.
I can now understand and respect his decision to let him go even though it's hard. These videos help me in times of weakness where I am dying to reach out. Your awesome keep up the great work!
The good thing is that we seek out these videos after we break up. It'll be unnatural for us to react with nothing more than begging. But the truth is, a woman who left you wasn't meant for you. We learn that in the months after the breakup.
This is the first person who "hit the nail on the head"!
Lee you are a Legend. Keep up your great and very meaningful work. Colin from Ireland.
Such kind words. Thank you Colin.
Thanks!
Thank you so much Santiago!
Wow. Needing to hear this for a very long time. Hurts alot but much needed truth. He just doesn't love me anymore. Now I can get over it. I haven't talked to him for months.... thank you
You ate so right, my ex accused me of being with another women when I clearly wasn't, was very nasty over 2 weeks threatened with further actions, they change in to monsters, they change into somthing you never seen, its crazy how they drop you like a hot potato.
Lee, I have to praise you on your psychological break-downs on all of your videos.. They are so spot on! Wish I would've listened to this before...
Hi Coach Lee , thankyou . I understand the situation now .
My wife left 2 years ago, I found it hard to keep go .
I was a totally broken man , the guilt, the heartache was horrible.
We briefly got back together for 6 mths only to be dumped for a second time .
My ex has now gone back with an ex from 20 years ago .
I have finally got the message and I have to move on .
Thankyou for your message . John
It’s interesting how the whole seperation can reverse itself. My ex initiated the breakup 2 months after my father died. Then I’m sure has a short lived relationship with another bloke. It falls to bits then she slowly starts trying to get close to me again. She had no concept of how badly she hurt me right at the hardest time of my life. So now I supposed the roles are reversed now. She starts trying to insert herself back into my life and I basically turned nasty on her. I cut all ties and now only communicate through a third party as we have children. She won’t be honest with me so I made sure she understood that she’s not welcome in my life anymore. 22 years we were together. 😐
Holy shit mate hope all is ok for you. I found out the day after my mothers funeral, which she attended and was loving to me that she had been seeing someone else behind my back for god knows how long.
We were engaged due to get married, been together for years and now she is like a completely different person.
Its so weird how someone you once loved with your everything becomes so cold and distant almost overnight.
Today wouldve been our anniversary and potential wedding date and today i was on Facebook, not looking for her, just doing regular shit and i get a friend suggestion...her new man 🤨 with photos of them everywhere going back months.
She only moved out 2 weeks ago but as cold as she has been she has still been intimate with me every few days. I should message her new fella and tell him shes playing us both, but im not that petty
@@scottallan7931 Damn mate that sounds awful, I know the feeling. There’s nothing worse. I’ve avoided going on Facebook in case I see something that’s going to hurt, gets me really anxious logging on and wondering what’s going to pop up. Sick in the stomach kind of feeling. It’s sad how people change and just become a shadow of who they were to us. It’s weird how it all flips and the person you’ve been closest to for so long just changes 😒sounds like you dodged a bullet as sad and as hard as it it right now, she had the capacity in her all along to be able to hurt you the way she did. That’s how I view my breakup. The person we loved and who we thought they were wouldn’t want to do that to us ,so it’s her loss.
Hope you’re well and moving through the pain.
Sometimes it's down to a person gets one shot. I don't give 2nd chances to anyone in any situation if they hurt me badly enough, no need to revisit waiting for them to do it again.
This makes so much sense! My ex was being so mean to me more and more before the break up and I couldn’t understand why. We loved each other and then after a huge fight because of his behavior, he asked for a break and then broke up with me. It made no sense and even though we were both devastated and crying when he broke up with me and said I love you before saying goodbye made no sense to me. Like why leave someone you love and make excuses saying you can’t handle a relationship when you were doing so for almost a year? I think he kind of blamed me for some of the things going wrong in his life.
Although I responded by going into no contact...in day 21 of no contact.
Any update?
Update?
I would love to hear an update too, I'm in a similar situation
Update?????
Sounds like my exact situation. It’s so hard to wrap my mind around. 9 days no contact here.
What about when he's being annoying towards you and your not even trying to get him back or bothering him 🙄.
The best coach I ve met in our time. He s not out to tell us what we want to hear but what is just the fact. " if you didn't hear an obituary then ur ex is doing good.," No need to rush into contacting them
My ex dumped me...out of the blue...heartless really...so i went no contact..got over it in 2 weeks..finally after 3 weeks he text me and asked me to meet him. I reluctantly agreed. When i showed up i no longer trusted him and so over it and found happiness. He on the other hand looked thin, distraught, and cried the entire time. Begging me to give him another chance. I told him i would think about it and let him know at the end of the week. This happened on a sunday. That Wednesday he sent a text saying " i think we should go our separate ways" wtf...he begged me for a 2nd chance...i told him i would think about it...then he does it again. Now this would have made sence if i was bothering him..but i went NC the weeks during the break up and those few days after he asked for a 2nd chance and have not reaponded to his kiss off text the 2nd time...some ppl are on a power trip and play games...even nutty...going on with my life and thanking God he is no longer jerking me around..
Going about my Fathers business yes, my girlfriend did me the same way. She called to breakup with me and called the next day like nothing happened. They love games.
Maybe he was terrified you'd say no, and waiting was killing him so he decided to reject himself on his own terms
that's what my ex did. he was friendly at first but all of a sudden he got very cold and progressed to nasty. I didn't even talk to him for the few days we had a friendly conversation. Fucking batshit crazy people..
Going about my Fathers business good job get the dumber back.
Going about my Fathers business same shit happened to me lol but it was a girl that was begging and crying on my floor. Exactly the same thing happened. She ended up getting back with her ex that same day and is now moving to a different state with him.
My ex did this ! He was so mean to me but I think he was doing it because he was trying to blame me for his mistakes .... I feel he was moving on and cheating with his other option and he was hurting me because the pull was to strong for him and he was allready moving on with some one and I wasn’t.
Sensor It I totally understand what you went through. My ex did the same thing. He strung me along and as soon as he found someone, he became more confident on leaving me. He continued to tell me he wasn't seeing anyone but he became more distant, cruel, and angry when I pointed his patterns of behavior and actions that clearly showed he's seeing someone else, like he actually leaves his place to go out on weeknights and spend weekends out which he never did when he was with me. After another long weekend that he didn't want to see me and he went away, I told him I'm done and not reaching out anymore. He asked me on my 3rd day of no contact if I told his sister about us. I just replied no and he said he will tell her and thanks. Let me know how yours is working out.
Jasmine J wow this sounds exzactly like my ex partner .... the same thing happened to me - he was playing me along all the while having a double life as if he was single to his friends and family they didn’t want him with me and he played along with it ... it’s the worst feeling ever !!! And I have a son who’s 14 while my ex was triangulating me with his sister my son now had a good for nothing step dad .... they are narcissistic
I agree that exactly what my experience was.
Same me
I think that's what's happening to me.
Am so confused and hurt, my ex says she has issues and wants to be alone that’s why we spilt , Thank you lee for explaining it. Great coaching.
Oh I wish I would have found that 6 years ago and this is published. It honestly takes a lifetime to learn to love someone and respect them. It's unfortunate enough to run away before you could learn.
Coach Lee thank you so much for your advice . You are by far the BEST coach I have listened to. This video makes so much sense after my ex has begun to treat me with so much indifference to the point that he said he hasn’t loved me for months and he can’t emotionally care for me anymore.
Update
This is so true. Coach Lee is the best I have listened to. I have listened to quite many too but Coach Lee takes it 10 notches up.
Mine told me when he stopped loving me 6 yrs ago .the relationship lasted 10 yrs so the last 6 he says he was checked out. He said we were in an open relationship..lol .that's not what he said the last 6 yrs. He always said he could find no one to replace me 😢
He is a total SOB that made me feel as though he wanted me the same as I wanted him..he was not honest and I wish karma would show him what it is like.
Thanks Coach! You explained exactly how I felt. I understand that she was hurt, she said pretty mean things to me like my life is not good enough. She said that she is attracted to me physically but she didn't explain the reason for the break up. Like it was a gut feeling that the future would not be good. I couldn't understand and felt hurt.
Santos Raj, ALWAYS FOLLOW YOUR GUT FEELING! GOOD JOB! 👍👍💪
Your videos have really helped me in the hardest time of my life. Grateful for the help
My Ex has said some horrible things to me sometimes, and I thought it was because he was an evil person, but this point of view helps me to look at it a different way. Cherry🍒
Same 👍
Cherry and bacon actually sounds like a decent combo
They're still not good
They're still a trash person.
For 181/2 years he was the kindest compassionate and caring man then the last 6 months he started treating me like I was nothing he completely turned into someone I didn’t recognise yet I still love him .
He'd pick any random reason to flee in the opposite direction as long as the goal was relieved.
Great video! I've been struggling with this for awhile.. I'm still trying to get over my ex. It really hurts unlike any other pain I have felt in my life..
Why Chase when you can Replace!
This is exactly what my ex had been doing. He was acting hot and cold. One min he misses me, next min he wants to break up, next min he held my hand then next he would let go. He told me he's struggling with his mind and his heart...It's been 16 days no contact for us. I hope he is just taking time to think things over. I'm trying to step back and give him his space
Thank you coach Lee. You have helped me more than anyone could know .the hardest part is and was ignorance on my part. Its so much easier knowing how and what and why .your a life saver and made a greatful friend in this most dark time in my life....
It's amazing how spot on you are...
This man….omg just explained my whole end of my relationship and how it happened
He is the best at fixing broken relationship restoration and attracting love💕💕💕
Contact....h.e.l.p
*✛2348103378310👈♻️♻️≧﹏≦亲爱的你好
Thanks to this video now I understand why the love of my life treated me so cruel after she broke up with me because I was a nobody, 28 years ago. A few years later she married a would be preacher, who a few years ago was unfaithful to her and they ended up divorcing. That was one of the happiest days of my life! Unbelievably I never stopped loving her, but I was never good enough for her.
Thank you so much for the advice Coach Lee I really appreciate it because I do not know where I would be without you because I feel so much better after watching these videos
This video explains everything i experienced with my breakup…. She was so cruel, i didnt even recognized the woman i knew…. I think that was the way to tell me to back off, because she was emotionally not able to discuss at that moment….
Wow, this video is very powerful and very accurate. Well done Coach Lee! Thank you for all you are doing for us.