6 Executive Function Strategies that Really Work for People with ADHD
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- Опубликовано: 6 июл 2024
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Why is the ADHD industry so obsessed with executive function and ADHD? Executive functioning skills can easily be hacked or outsourced, and here are some ADHD tips to help.
For more content like this, please follow me @neuroemergent_insurgent.
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This channel looks at the ways the ADHD industry had made the particular neurodivergence we call ADHD even more disabling by hyperfocusing on certain deficits in ways that shame and traumatize people with ADHD, while at the same time ignoring the many ways our brains are uniquely creative and brilliant.
This video looks at the ways the industry's focus on executive functioning skills contributes to this disabling of the ADHD brain, while at the same time acknowledging that executive function deficits can themselves be disabling. However, I believe that to the extent executive functioning deficits are disabling, they can fairly easily be hacked or outsourced, and this video offers 6 (plus a bonus!) specific and practical ways people with ADHD can minimize the ways executive functioning deficits interfere with a healthy, happy, and productive life.
ADHD Skills:
1 - Have less stuff - less Mental & Physical Clutter - Out of sight: Out of mind
2 - Store vertically in clear containers - Global view that allows focused deep-dives when necessary
3 - Planning and Prioritizing - Bullet Journal - I need to look into this
4 - Meta Thinking - you can self-hack your thoughts to get the desired outcomes, a unique skill
5 - Let go of guilt and shame - you are different, you are allowed to be different, you just think differently, sometimes for the better!
6 - Emotional Control - do not re-live old traumas - compartmentalize what you can control - Mindfulness
7 - Bonus! Outsource your weaknesses! Enjoy your strengths! Do not torture yourself with tasks you are unsuitable for!
Thanks for this!!!
Paul Nagelkerke
Thanks from Germany for that !
You know what : I wrote a similar 1.) to 7.) and then found y o u r s 😊😉😊😂
I like yours very much☀️
0000⁰⁰000
Thank you so much, I was listening on double speed because there's no other way to focus, but then I got extremely sad that I won't remember all of it!
Thank you,,
Does anyone else link perfectionism to their ADHD? Part of what trips me up is the fear of doing the wrong thing first, starting in the wrong place, and then having to go back and re-do things. The idea of wasting time bothers me so much that I end up wasting time because I am afraid of wasting time. Makes no sense!
EDIT - To anyone struggling with this listen to Brad Bizjack - he is a great motivator! Perfection is the lowest standard you can set because it's impossible. The key is to focus on moving the needle forward. Listening to his podcast has really helped me!
I spend my time (30+ mins) making sure I read/comprehend that one paragraph/diagram 100% well before moving on. Imagine a chapter. It’s just ages and I hate myself
I also cannot start due to perfectionism
Yes
Can relate!
ruclips.net/video/rYjK5xRHp44/видео.html
Some notes from the video
1) Body double: have someone be there with you while you work. It tends to make starting and keeping the work easier
2) Imagine that someone is documenting your life and there's a camera in the room with you and they need footage where you at least look like you're working
3) don't ask your brain to start a task, just try a piece of it and see how it feels
Example: wanna take the dog for a wolk but difficult to convince yourself? Take your shoes, just the shoes, then you'll decide if you want to.
Thank you. My ADD didn't want me to focus.
Thank you. She takes so long to get to the point and I can’t find any time stamps in the comment to tell me when the intro is over.
When you pick up your shoes, often the dog decides for you thankfully haha
You NEED A ROBOT 🤖 A ROBOTIC COMPANION, NOT A HUMAN PERSON.
SERIOUSLY. PERSONAL ASSISTANT support. A ROBOT 🤖. NON HUMAN BEING. 👍👍👍👍
@@boostmobile9249 nah a Drill instructor that is pushing me but still notices limits and is supportive if a problem occours
I feel like none of this would be an issue in an ideal society where survival didn’t depend upon individual striving within a winner take all, zero sum game of economic competition.
BINGO. this is basically the entirety of my analysis, in one sentence. Briliant.
unfortunately, capitalism is not made for us people with adhd
absolutely
@@erin1999 Neither is Marxism. Do you really think you would do well being forced into a factory with high noise levels doing a task that you didn't choose over and over again because that's what the party ordered you to do?
@@kell_checks_in There has to be a third way?
In the flip side, I’m glad to see executive dysfunction talked about rather than saying “deficit of attention”. The research is a work in progress honestly
ADHD is misnamed because it is an executive functioning disorder
Exactly!!
I think one of the most important things for ADHD is to keep trying even when you fail.
Long term routines and habits are one of my biggest struggles with my ADHD, I can't consistently keep a routine for the life of me.
I'll start a new routine and be able to keep up with it for a few days, maybe a week, only to eventually fail.
These repeated failures gave me shame and often stopped me from trying to make routines in the first place, why try if I'll inevitably fail.
The key is to continue the routine when you are ready. Don't give up just because you missed a day, were really late, or didn't do it properly.
Learn to accept that this is going to happen, forgive yourself for it, and continue when you are ready.
I like that!
ive tried for years to create a work out routine, and failed over and over. What seems to have worked for me this time (kept it up for 6 months now) is that i went in with the mindset that i should do some kind of exercise every single day, but my expectations are set extremely low. So if i only feel like i can do a few minutes of stretching, then that is ok and i give myself credit for it. Now i end up doing full work outs almost ever day.
I've since used the same technique for other things and it has also worked.
😊
😊😊😊the was not expected until tuesday night 😊in
you you you are going 😊😊😊I'm 😊all the
Lol! Loved: "I wasn't keeping track...cause, you know, I have ADHD..."Lol. Folks with ADHD teach others to love themselves, be patient with themselves and forgive themselves more, because when we neurotypicals get triggered by ADHDers we are really confronting our own faults and projecting our personal frustrations on them. I learned so much about myself and human beings, in general, while dating a remarkable woman with ADHD.
thanks! I love this perspective!
I never could put my finger on where my sense of shame and lack of confidence came from. Now I see it so clearly. I am a private reading instructor and I have felt called to teach students with ADD or ADHD. Yet I struggle with executive function myself. So, I was thinking, "Maybe I shouldn't be doing this work "Now I see how important it is to persevere. Thank you.
I just wanted to add that this has been one of the best ADHD videos I have ever seen. I am in my 50’s and have only been diagnosed recently. This rings true for me on so many levels.
Agree.
I love this. It fits & addresses the self judgement that sometimes creeps in. I join❤
I use a lot of these!
The only way I can stay organized is by getting rid of everything I don’t need. It also helps my attention levels because I reduced the number of distractions I face at home.
I also love bullet journals; but I only do parts of it. I keep the future journal so I remember appointments, birthdays, & other events, I use a monthly spread so I can track my bills, I use a daily spread to plan my day & then at night I write down anything important that happened during the day, and my most important & favorite part is what I call my chaos funnel where I write down anything & everything that randomly comes to my mind throughout the day. If it is not life-threatening or livelihood-threatening, it goes into the funnel for later. Then whenever I have free time I go in and sort things into relevant logs (shopping list, books to read, quotes to live by, things to research later, bills, schedule it, etc.). This has been a game changer.
I also do the Pomodoro Method - set the timer for 25 minutes to just get started. Sometimes I only set it for 2 minutes. I just have to start.
Unhealthy/toxic shame is not conducive to recovery or growth.
I've gotten away from my bullet journal but I love the idea of a chaos funnel! what a great idea. Maybe it's time to get back on the bullet journal wagon ;-) And yes, I believe that shame is always toxic and never useful.
Love “chaos funnel!” I do something similar, a random thoughts list I go through later to schedule/time block if needed. I do the same for stuff that I actually don’t need to remember, just to get it out of my head: a “Refuse & Resist” list for inane effluvia that spring to mind when I really should be doing something productive (ie a burning need to know what year the song Toxic was released, promoted by watching Promising Young Woman). I tell myself if it still seems so intriguing when I’m done with my work, I’ll google down that rabbit hole then.
Thank you
I already have some places to write down important things, for todo- and shopping lists. I have everything on my phone so it is mobile.
I think I also need such a chaos funnel. Especially when I get home after work I am usually all over the place. Writing everything down instead of trying (and failing) to make some kind of order for tasks and thoughts in my brain would help a lot.
@@EssentialBlue I was using digital, but I recently made the switch back to analog. There is something about the act of writing that really seals something in my brain. If I had a tablet, I'd be able to use a stylus to write on the screen. I'm certain that would have the same effect. I could always try it on my phone, but I get annoyed with the small screen.
I’m ADHD and being organized is super important to me. When I was in college I couldn’t start writing a paper if my apartment was messy. I’d have to clean it before starting a project. Organization is huge at home and at work.
Me too. I was ok with mess as a child when things were not my responsibility. But now that I am responsible, I need to get things organised outside for me to declutter my mind and work
@@Roar1921 When I was a teen, my room use to be such a big mess that I couldn’t even see the floor. Now I can’t stand to have a messy room, it drives me insane and sabotages my productivity
@@udontevenwannaknowbruv totally get it
I love how you avoid promoting victim mentality. We are who we are, we should conentrate on what we can do better with what we have.
I want to thank everyone who has commented here, and apologize profusely for not responding sooner. Honestly, I sort of lost track of my RUclips channel while I was focusing on my work on Instagram -- and wow! But I'm back to RUclips now, and I intend to read and respond to every comment! I hope you all will receive notifications of my tardy replies! I am so grateful to everyone who has taken the time to leave a comment and I have so much more content coming! I hope it will be useful to you!
Marta Rose Hello, I just found your channel. I have enjoyed how you discuss ADHD as someone who has it instead of the non ADHD having well meaning lecturer. One ADHD hack that I have found is to have a date with my bullet journal (sometimes over coffee) each morning. I sit down with the spread of my ongoing brain dump and do the "power of 3" which is to pick out three things that would make the most difference to get done. Sometimes it is just "make progress on X" for stuff like long term projects I pick one step off of the project page to do to help me complete the project. Most days much more than my three things get done. I have found that some days I have felt like I had been really productive, but not gotten to certain important things. Also, by having something be on the list of things that I really need to do that day, I tell myself that "I have to do it sometime today, why not now?" That helps me combat the weird "I can't do that right now feeling."
Oh the body double is literally so helpful for me. I've made my cousin just sit next to me for hours while I tried to finish an essay. He fell asleep but it still helped haha
There was a live stream the other day called "write with me" and the author just had a video running of her typing and reading her work. I thought it a good idea...especially for her!
Thank you for these suggestions. I can do the regular everyday tasks ( picking up, dishes, vacuum) but the more overwhelming tasks ( wanting to clean out closets At the moment) I can’t seem to get my brain on board to start. Then I beat myself up every night because the day is gone & it’s undone. Especially now during isolation when I have all this free time!
I have some new thoughts about time and productivity that I hope to do some videos about soon. I hope they will be helpful!
Omg yes! This is me.. I have high priority items on my list daily for weeks (and sometimes months) that I know is the priority that I should start with but I start with the easier ones anyway 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️ and then the day gets away and I'm so mad at myself again when I go to bed 😫😫😫😫. Uhhhh.
@Jamie Does it help to take one top out of the closet and commit to wearing it a couple of days in a month to see if you like it? Just do it one or two items at a time. Or have a friend come over (even by phone or video call), to hold you to the task - not to tell you what to do with the thing - just to keep you on track.
@Capturing the Crumbs episodes Are your high priority items broken down into small enough steps? If they seem monumental, it’s super hard to get started. Is there a strong emotion (especially a negative one) hidden/ attached to your task? Acknowledge the emotion and console yourself. An example from recently for me: I had to clean out my fridge. There were foods that I wasn’t going to eat and something was starting to smell. The negative emotion was shame that I had wasted food. Some part of me felt that if I didn’t throw it out, I hadn’t wasted it. But I wasn’t going to eat it, so I was being illogical. I was beating myself up for not planning my food usage better, thereby wasting food, money and energy. So I started by acknowledging the underlying emotion, cutting myself some slack and throwing out a couple of things. Over the course of the week, I finished the job.
I found an amazing video on this that has helped me So Much, from the Canadian ADHD Center (or something like that) called "How to Declutter When You Have ADHD and Are Drowning in Stuff". There's a helpful process outlined, but also the logic and priorities behind the process, it is changing my world.
I actually hate having a mess and love when things are cleaned and organized. But I get so overwhelmed by the mess that I don't know where to start and end up going in circles mentally and thinking 95% of the time I'm supposed to be acting, and then am constantly distracted during the other 5% of the time.
I had this same issue. I made a "3 hour overwhelm plan" to help me out of the spiral.
1. Eat something. Say a little prayer.
2. Take my medication. Turn off my phone. Put on classical music (laptop).
3. Bag all the trash in the house.
4. Clean bedroom.
5. Clean ... Each room in the house one by one.
6. Shower and dress.
7. Sit by myself for 10 mins (to an hour).
8. Get to work on anything I want to do.
This has taken me from a completely depressed state to highly motivated. Part of the problem is that when we are feeling overwhelmed and stressed, that cortisol cuts out our executive functioning right when we need it the most. Making a plan when I was in "my right mind" for those times when I wasn't really gave me a lifeline and took away 80% of the mental burden.
While I with ADHD did feel like I was constantly rejected or incapable, after I had my son with more symptoms than I, I realised how difficult it is for others to be around us. It made me empathise with the people around me and forgiving of their frustrated outbreaks. The thought healed my bitterness
I feel so bad for my 12 year old. He has this perception that he is annoying (excessive talking) and that his teachers don't like him because he just doesn't get what they're talking about. He gets terrible rejection sensitivity. He gets very emotional sometimes and he perceives that others are thinking he is just being dramatic to get attention. Getting up for school every day is a struggle. I wish I could just find a magical cure to help him handle all this.
I really relate to this. My 12 year old spends more time in detention than is healthy due to his lack of ability to just be "still". No noises, no chatting, no joking about, etc. The heartbreaking part is that unlike his big brothers, he adores going to school. However, the lack of understanding results in punishing them for genuine symptoms/struggles😢. Thus the cycle of shame. Seems so obvious yet almost impossible to weave into the school's approach. I hope your son can gradually build his strength and understand his brain
❤
This makes such good sense, I must admit I always thought I was lazy but I know that I will work my butt off when I’m actually going. My fear of being labelled as lazy is so degrading.
Hate the label lazy. We are not lazy and we are not hypochondriacs
I have literally done the "imagine a camera crew" thing omg I just thought I was being a weirdo, but yeah it does help
Well, Marta, you've managed to make me cry. I didn't realize the shame I've been holding. In helping my kids understand why they struggle in school, I have concluded I have undiagnosed ADHD. Finding you was like finding a long lost friend. Thanks for being sweet to my brain. :) I appreciate these tips very much!
Be compassionate to yourself
Me too😢
I feel when I am alone my symptoms get worse, working in a co-working space or a shared office with lots of people especially supportive and positive people really really helps
Great idea! Thanks for sharing.
I don't Iwish I did
Yessss, I love Kon Marie. Kon Marie actually talks about one of her inspirations for her organizing company was reading Sari Solden's (sp?) research on how ADHD women are seen as "less than women" because they can't keep track of their homes and schedules.
I love the language you use in this video. Phrases like “emotional control” make me feel defensive and a sense of shame. Phrases like “emotional intelligence” and the fact that we feel deeply makes it easier to accept this characteristic of ADHD and work to improve this aspect. Thank you for your video ❤️
Yes, I have a cleaner come once per week. I'm good at cleaning... but only one room or one thing at a time, so when I have someone come once per week- my ENTIRE house is clean all at once. Then I can get all of my other things done. It is very freeing to my brain!
So... I was like, great, hacks! Mindfulness, check. Bullet journal, check. There was other stuff that felt really good to have someone else (you!) unpack and hear how one’s lived experience of various challenges actually goes and how we do our best to mitigate our challenges and share our gifts. When you talked about how hard it is to get started, I’m thinking, yup, it sure is. And you explained the less than one minute hack and the meta hack, and I’m thinking: so glad that works for you, but my brain would not be fooled. I’m so often the skeptic. What do you know, I decided I would get my shoes (I live in one room, don’t have to go far, lol), and what happened? I went for a walk with tiny jogs and a Pokemon hunt. On my day off today, I didn’t want to get up as early as I woke up, but I was like, I’ll sit up and decide if I’m going to brush my teeth. Got out, ran errands, was on time to my appointment. Thank you. I’ll keep trying this hack and see where it takes me.
You know, we all have days when nothing will fool our brains - I’m having one of them now as I try to make today’s video - and I can’t tell you how happy it makes me to hear that my hacks have helped! I do think our brains are too clever for them to work all the time, but that’s where we have to just surrender to the flip side, that our stubborn clever brains are so good at so many other things it’s not the end of the world if we can only hack our deficits some of the time! Once we take shame out of the equation, it’s a lot easier to put our deficits in perspective.
I never thought of it this way. I spend so much time feeling shameful about the things i'm not good at. Instead of focusing on things I am good at!! THANK U ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Still trying to figure out my strengths
Thank you. I've never seen anyone say that the life long criticisms are traumas. You're right though that they are. I never knew how much the rejection sensitivity comes from those criticsms. Until very recently I didn't understand the disorder and I also thought I was a dud as a human I didn't realize how much was an executive function issue I just believed what I was told that I was lazy and that I have no ambition even though I was mentally torturing myself wanting so badly to do things but being ohysically unable to even start them.
My executive dysfunction is completely disabling. Does no one else have it so severe that they are impaired from doing basic tasks nearly all day every day?
Also I wanted to just say, I completely agree, get rid of shame and guilt. That creates a sort of inflamation of the "joints that need to function" and causes a clogging up and restricts flow. It's not our fault. And now that we know, we can take steps as we are able to get to a better place, the place we deserve. Sending love to all out there bc the struggle is real, and I'm happy to know I'm not just a total ditz.
This is me and we are we and I am not alone now. Thank God for sharing thoughts❤!
This video was everything I needed. Just got diagnosed on Tuesday at 27 and I'm realizing my constant self loathe of thinking I'm lazy or a huge procrastinator yet so smart and intelligent is actually isn't all my fault.
I recently told someone I wanted to hire a cleaner and they said it was lazy, and I just wanted less stress of one always having a clean space like I prefer and not having all the pressure to do it myself.
No so much easier to hire cleaner to help manage organisation in house
The other way to look at is the time you aren't spent cleaning you can be resting so you can do your career/ job better and that will pay off in the long run. Plus you are helping someone else put food on their table.
I have adhd and I have a cleaner. I'm not lazy...I just choose to have someone else do it so I can spend my time on work. Whoever told you hiring a cleaner is lazy has their own issues to deal with.
Being selectively lazy is not wrong - its encouraged! You can free your brain up for what you want to focus on.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I was diagnosed 20+ years ago. Adderall was great until it stopped working, and I was pretty sure that I would simply end up taking more and more and more. Listening to you, I remember... well, so much. And a lot of it is humiliation and embarrassment. But a lot of it is also good. I ended up in gifted programming. And I developed a quick wit, which was actually encouraged by my family. So,... this shit runs deep. Bless you, Sister. And it took me months to come back to this, because it all hits so close to home.
sending so much love, eric. we need to talk more about this!
Hy i'm also a programmer and i'm pretty good at it once i get in the "flow", the problem is that it's hard for me to start and get there especially with new concepts
do you have any tips regarding that or in general, like just being a programmer with adhd and your experience with that
thank you in advance
@@FA-zp4ecHow’s it been with programming? I bet you’ve discovered a bunch of new stuff in this context since your last comment. Would love to share discoveries if still interests you
I'm forty one years old and just now realizing how much I have this. I used to think I was just an air head. But I'm also an empath. Anyway, now everything makes sense. This is fascinating. Two of my son's have the same. I'm not even sure how I survived this world with all of this, but what a revelation. I've been diagnosed with cptsd, and been in therapy for several years, but this is a whole other layer to it. I'm also a newly minted Acupuncturist and went through hell and back to get my degree, and I plan on specializing in trauma and chronic illness healing therapy. I'm a work in progress. Alot to say so shortly. But thank you for your work, I'm learning already of how to help myself work it!!! Thank you!!! Feeling hopeful. God bless you and yours and all those on this journey. May our lives become beautiful mosaics of all that seemed or seems lost or broken
I also have ADHD and CPTSD. I saw a Venn diagram that showed the overlap between the two, and that was helpful to my understanding of the situation.
The Meta thing you talk about is really, disassociation. Stepping out of the present and looking down from above like we are filming a movie of our life is classic disassociation. Maybe the polar opposite of being “present,” but we are present, just not involved directly. For me this happened in a trauma episode where my then GF completely freaked out in a public park, yelling and screaming at me, (and this is the important part), for no reason. I was terrified, humiliated, stunned, and panicked. I stood there, and was looking at this little movie movie scene as if I were on a high ladder looking down. This lasted for only a few seconds, but I realize I do this sometimes. Not to that degree where I’m frozen with my mouth agape, but certainly taking in my life from a satellite view. It is an out of body experience, in the sense that we have zoned out of the picture, and my brain has decided, not knowing what else to do, just take a break and look at life as a overview, because, "the present," makes no sense. A stress response, coping mechanism.
I’m constantly feeling like my husband and the people in my life are judging me and shaming me on the things that I can’t do...I don’t know if they actually are meaning to do that, or if that’s a projection of my anxieties about being judged and feeling ashamed of my short-comings onto them.
Something my best friend does though that has always helped me was that she recognized when I was really overwhelmed by something, targeted exactly what was overwhelming me in that moment, and dealt with that in one way or another for that moment so that I could keep moving.
For example, if she saw that I was struggling just trying to figure out where to start - I know in my head that it’s much more important to just start rather than start on the “right” thing, but it’s still something that halts me frequently. So she would choose a starting place for me, and remind me that where ever I put something, it can be moved, it’s not going to get glued down, just keep going.
Another time, when she was helping me clean my house, I was getting really overwhelmed by trying to figure out where things went and realizing there was no room for those things (because I used to live in a really tiny, cluttered home, awful for me btw) and on top of that my husband, who was diagnosed very young with ADHD and has been taught specific skills or always had help from people who recognized his disorder, was coming up to me every few minutes asking where his things needed to go - like, I’m trying to figure out where A, B and C goes, I don’t have the mental capacity to figure out X, Y, and Z go too, are you kidding?!
So she would act as a buffer in that moment - she gently took the things that were overwhelming me and put it in a temporary “I don’t know” pile just so I could keep moving, and then we dealt with the I don’t knows later (I ended up donating most of the I don’t knows, because in the height of my overwhelm and anxiety, I couldn’t even register that the things I was stressing over were things I didn’t actually need or want anyway.
Another thing that actually my previous supervisor used to do with me was every few days, she and I would sit down for just five minutes to go over my To Do List and she would help me prioritize them (again, I know all the things I NEED to do, I just don’t always know where to start or what needs to be done first!) This is something I want to start doing at home, too.
Noelle, as a neurotypical who was deeply in love with a remarkable woman with ADHD, I'd like to say we all judge, we're taught to judge, we have to judge in order to make choices in life. I think what can be devastating is what we take those judgements to mean and how they are communicated. Perhaps a better approach is for us to use discernment. One problem is that we're often prone to apply moral standards to things that don't need to be moralized. The person receiving is often guilty of doing the same and bearing a burden that wasn't even intended. Everybody goes through that, but I think ADHD folks experience it more often and perhaps more intensely. Perhaps you can come to filter other's judgements as flaws in their operating systems, because unless you're doing something intentionally harmful or dangerous, you're not worthy of any negative judgement. Don't put that garment on, if it's handed to you, or if you sell it lying around.
Wow, what a great friend! It's amazing what we can do and be and accomplish with just a tiny bit of understanding and accommodation, rather than judgment and shame. Isn't it?? This is the key, and it's not so much to expect. When we are given the little bit of support and accommodation we need, we can set the world on fire! But the opposite is also true: shame and judgment can shut us down so fast. Thank you so much for sharing your story, it's really inspiring.
@@rembeadgcJudgment may be natural, but the standards by which we are judged can be shaming and traumatic, and there is nothing inevitable or necessary about that.
@@TheSpiralLab Thanks for responding. I understand what you're saying. Judgement that is meant to shame is not good (notice I said "meant", because everything we think or feel about what someone said isn't always accurate and is ultimately our responsibility to interpret healthily). I would say, however, that it is inevitable, because we live in a world populated by imperfect people (ourselves included) who are each carrying their own traumas, misunderstandings and the distortions. You can't have a real relationship with other human beings and not experience that at some point. In fact, the healthy purpose of it is to create an opportunity for us to learn, grow stronger and understand our own human shortcomings. Treating people as though that isn't the case, making them believe the world is different or trying to protect them from the truth is to make them infantile and unequipped to handle life independently. On planet Earth, if you live long enough to consciously differentiate yourself from others (early childhood) shaming and trauma ARE inevitable. Every responsible and loving parent has an obligation to prepare their child for it and to instruct them in how to deal with it as well as comfort and support them while they are experiencing it. Knowing that one day they will have to stand independently on their own two feet. As to whether it's necessary... you can't grow stronger muscles without breaking down muscle fibre. You can't grow plants without breaking the soil or the seed shell that it once comfortably rested in. A baby isn't born into the world without a certain amount of trauma to the mother's body in delivery. In the process of growth, a certain type of "trauma" is absolutely necessary. I know that is unacceptable to those who don't understand and are fearful of the process. Usually that's because they never had someone to lovingly and reassuringly stand beside them and encourage them when they faced that type of challenge. Perhaps they were only shielded from trauma and not taught how to overcome it. The best psychologists are ones who at one point needed one themselves. No one has a right to shame someone else, but shame is something WE experience. If we believe we have no reason to feel ashamed then we should ask ourselves "Why is this even bothering me?" Ultimately you can't control anyone but yourself and you have to take responsibility for how YOU feel. Nobody can MAKE you feel anything. You only FEEL the thoughts you entertain, unless you've entertained them so often that they become instinctive. You can reprogram that. That kind of knowledge is power.
@@rembeadgc I mostly agree with this, especially the point that we must take responsibility for our own feelings that no one MAKES us feel anything. But I disagree with the implication that the world is just a bunch of discrete individuals interacting all with their own issues and traumas. I believe there are also institutions and systems at work, in which individuals operate, and which DO constrain people's freedom and agency, and that must be analyzed and dismantled. I also totally, dramatically, 100% disagree that parents need to "toughen up" their kids in order to deal with the "real world." I think what this does is tramatize children, and disempower them to believe they can be agents of change, and that they can craft their own reality.
YOU ARE AN AMAZING WOMAN!!!!!!! THANK YOU FOR THIS!!!!!
Agreed. I have never even looked into ADHD because I don't agree with calling everything a "disorder". But listening to this list describing challenges, I must admit every single one is SPOT ON for me... Yet I could accept this presentation because of the positive approach.
This video was so eye-opening! I've only seen stuff done by clinicians (which is full of criticism), and here you come just saying "Here's what it's really like". I was nodding my head through the whole thing! Thanks so much.
A lot of people don't address the shame which is something that I really struggle with. Thank you for all that you've done
Every single one of these!!! I rarely find someone talking about how it feels from their point of view and in such great detail. I always feel so weird in my body because of this, but these videos are really helping me understand myself better.
I'm so glad to hear this! I hope to have more soon!
You are a true gift. I am newly diagnosed with slow processing speed/ADHD. Already I am feeling empowered with my new upcoming endeavours, which previously I was really anxious about. Your content and your presentation style is absolutely bang-on!
I really needed this today. I am older and undiagnosed.
I was just diagnosed with adult ADHD last week I'm 39 years old. Let's just say this video was so eye-opening and extremely helpful. I am now in therapy and learning how to live with my ADHD. I should have been diagnosed a long time ago everything about me makes sense finally. I'm so grateful I stumbled upon your video.
“We feel deeply the relentless criticism” 😩 so true. I and my son both probably have ADHD, and as I watch him struggle with school I feel like I am frantically trying to refill his bucket of happiness and self esteem while other adults are punching holes in it.
Thank you for your positive approach to this "problem." All my life my family has criticized me for my depth of feeling... they call it "going over the deep end." Yet, when there is a super difficult problem to solve, that takes lots of patience and focus, they come to me! Don't do a simple short video, really liked this!
I just got diagnosed with ADHD in my mid 30s., I knew I felt different but I just couldn't put my finger on it. My physician was surprised I got through college without any help. It was a struggle though. I don't have a problem with time or organization..I do have problems with working memory and articulation of thoughts into words. I call it word soup when it eventually comes out, I feel embarrassed that I go off on tangents... But that's why I stay quiet all the time. I also impulse buy with the intent to start a hobby but can never focus long enough to complete it . I get so frustrated. I really do want to learn to play that guitar I just bought but I can't sit or focus long enough to learn fretting. I'm so glad I finally have an answer to something I've been feeling for such a long time.
This is me, too. I also know words but can't always pronounce them correctly
I’ve been telling people for years there are moments of brilliance with my adhd , and what can look like a chaotic/disorganized mess to neurotypical individuals is actually just part of that process of brilliance if left to their devices.
You’re the first person I’ve found that really tries to embrace the fact that not only are we capable of functioning “normal” but that our neuro divergent minds actually have real strengths and you celebrate that by calling it our Genius. I love that. Thank you.
Omg this has to be the scariest thing I have ever watched every thing you said about the ADHD deeply touched my soul. Thankyou for making me realize I am not alone. Thankyou so much! You have lifted a burden off of my soul
Wow this is a really helpful video. I cant belive you only have 307 subscribers. This can change so many people's lives! I hope you make more videos on ADHD. Thank you so much for this Marta
I have been away from YouTUbe for awhile, making content on IG, but I'm back! I have lots more content coming up, and I'm so glad you found this helpful. Hopefully things will grow from here!
Wow. I am not diagnosed with ADHD but I’ve suspected it for a long time, this video really hit home in so many ways. I’m so grateful to you Marta. Not only is this information incredibly useful, your positive personality and language makes it sooo much easier to take in. I’m SO happy I found your channel
I appreciate all of your suggestions and most ring true, but for me, trying to get going on a task with someone near me is impossible! I am way too tuned into and distracted by what other people do, to the point where it paralyzes me. Need to get into a solo headspace to complete tasks. Everyone presents with their own unique ADHD style and I understand this many be particular to only some of us ADHDers. I've spent a lifetime trying to figure out what works. You're right on that we've all been traumatized by societal pressures on us, especially women, because we're supposed to be great at managing households AND doing everything outside the home as well.
I never talked to anyone about this so I'm not diagnosed with adhd, but I relate to this video so deeply, I never felt understood like this, it really means a lot
Thank you for being so brave by putting your challenges out there for the world to see in the name of helping others!
Up until recently, all of my 52 years on this planet have been spent in a tiny prison that I have custom designed to remind myself of how broken I am. Trying over and over to create an organized home and constantly seeing my failure in every corner. Feeling badly that I cannot get through the routine of keeping the house tidy and getting dinner on the table for my family. The YEARS of unfinished projects and inventions around me. I choose to believe that we have our own superpowers. Everything that I experience is filtered through a high powered magnifying glass. My emotions, hearing,skin sensitivity even my sense of smell is not normal for humans. Learning how to hack and make our lives a little easier is great. I’m most grateful to know, “I’m not the only one”.
this video should be viewed millions , very real and very true, makes me feel less guilty for all the flaws directed to me, I can feel you mam, and thank you.
Lost for words... I can feel your amazing understanding and loving energy. Like a hug like I never got.
Much love.
Im truly moved.
Ahhhhhh you’re amazing !!! This was amazing!! THANK YOU. I feel like you just validated my way of being in this world and that’s been sorely needed on a deep level.. I love the ‘documentary crew’ idea and also just doing the first stage of a task (getting your shoes before a walk) without actually committing to the task.
It’s funny that you brought up the whole “body double” concept because for a long time I have known that I am able to accomplish more tasks when my husband participates in tasks by my side. It could be the same task or our own separate tasks, as long as we are doing it together. However, to this day I am ashamed of sharing this with him for fear of him thinking it’s just an excuse I am making. The shame and fear is real. Thanks for shedding light on such important and real issues for people with ADHD ❤️.
Just watched this video. As a therapist with ADHD myself, this is truly one of the best Videos I’ve seen that articulates what I have felt and am feeling every day. Thank you so much! I will be using these hacks not only for myself, but my amazing clients who struggle with this everyday 💕
I had to pause the video to comment about your suggestion for task initiation- I often pretend I’m teaching someone or talking to someone about something I’m doing- even things like getting ready. I find that this has helped me in task initiation AND sustained attention. I find this incredibly similar to your friend’s suggestion of pretending a documentary crew is filming you! So funny!!
Just wow! I have never heard anyone describe that metacognition thing before, but you are spot on. Thanks for giving language to that, it's helped some things click for me and I can see how I already do this and how I can use it as a tool. This video was awesome and so affirming! Thank you so much. Definitely subscribing and can't wait to check out your other content x
i enjoyed your video a lot!! it's really good for me to see diffrent perspectives on ADHD as i'm currently in the process of getting diagnosed and i'm in a really bad head space about it (because i constantly undermine myself and) because i'm so stuck on the thoughts that i could'nt possibly have ADHD, etc. and seeing someone be positive about it really helps me because it makes me feel valid, i cant really explain it but anyway i'm really looking forward to watching more of your videos!!
I would love to hear a follow-up on how things are going for you -- so sorry I'm so late in responding! I hope all is well with you.
@@TheSpiralLab I actually got diagnosed in January and since then I've been able to be a lot nicer to myself and (try to) work with how my brain functions best instead of just trying to do it the neurotypical way and failing. i still have a long way to go tho but it's getting better :)
"we live meta lives" - made me lol
Your presenting style is adorable. I enjoy listing to you speak. You are easier to follow than most. Thanks for keeping it real.
Wow! Meta Cognition! I had no idea it had a name and I’ve been doing this documentary in my head for awhile thank you so much for this video! Feeling a little extra special
Gah you are amazing 😲 I am crying in grief for the shame and other feelings you described, yet also feeling so encouraged that I am-am-am acceptable. You are sharing what I feel and think. And inspiring me to embrace what I’m good at and stop pushing myself so hard. Gah.
I can't tell you want it means to hear you say this! Thank you so much. I have been away from RUclips for awhile but I'm baaaackkk!! Lots more content to come!
Marta Rose awesome! I really feel akin to you in notable ways! I love seeing your art and hearing your insights about the autistic/adhd experience and perspective.
Thank you so much for this video. I wish I'd had this knowledge decades ago. Marta Rose, you're awesome.
Oh wow, thank you so much! I'm sorry to be so late responding but I'm back in the RUclips saddle, lots more to come. Hope all is well with you and yours.
Thank you!! The idea of outsourcing some of my tasks felt like an admittance of failure for me. The way you presented it here made it something that is not shameful, it's admitting that I may not have the skill or ability to perform that task, but I have the skills in other areas which get me the resources to get the help I need.
I love that you inspire self compassion, something that we desperately need. I also like that you say "trick our brain". Thank you so much for this wonderful video.
this video is so helpful even though it took me so long to watch because i kept getting distracted or zoning and having to skip back...but ain’t that just the ADHD struggle
Turn playback speed at 1.5 or 2 (twice as fast)
While I don't think I'd ever be able to totally outsource executive functions because I struggle primarily with initiating and transitioning between tasks, regardless of how much I need or want to do them, I have to admit, outsourcing the things you can as much as your finances will allow honestly makes a TON of sense and I'm shocked this is the first time I'm hearing of it as a valid strategy to deal with executive function.
I think this is the best video I've seen on EF. I can't do lists, journals, ADHD apps etc. My ADHD is extremely clever and it won't be duped.
Thanks for making this. I've been churning on ways to make everything make sense, and this felt like a lot of ways to make things work in ways I haven't heard about before. Thanks for working so hard on this!
Wow you had me at the meta cognition, I have always been meta cognitive and live a totally different world inside my head to trick my executive functionings (an exciting one I have built over years) and i agree and now see why an adhd individual would be more cognitive, and I tend to be minimalistic as that helps my thinking
Maybe the"emotional self control" means being able to let go of what we think others are thinking or judging? We are more critical of ourselves than others turn out to be.
Question: would you give an example of a professional that helps with the executive functions? What can be "hired out" or do you mean therapy, if so is there a name for it?
So, executive function skills are really like having a good secretary--someone who can keep your schedule, respond to messages, give you reminders, etc. So a virtual assistant could do all that. Executive functioning skills also help keep a home clean and organized -- but a housekeeper can do that. A life coach can help with keeping personal and professional goals sorted and prioritized. So those are just a few examples of the ways that executive function can be outsourced!
An accountant, a file clerk, a professional organizer, a moving company, an event planner (anything with "planner" or "organizer" in their job title or description)- these are based on the people I could use help from on any given day.
"Personal assistant?" I look forward to having a robot that does this.
Love this! Thank you for sharing. You hit so many critical, fundamentals that I feel perfectly at ease and ready to accept and acknowledge alll my gifts, talents and shortcomings. I'm so fortunate to have found you. ♥️
Thank you!!! So much love to you for your intro!
I came here desperate after not being able of studying for an exam I really care about. It was so illuminating! I agree on what you said about us being very good att "seeing ourselves from above", I will try to use that to increase my productivity.
When it comes to the "body double" or other techniques which involve other people, the way I explained it to myself is that I tend to lack internal motivation, and therefore should base my hacks on getting external motivation. It can be simple as deadlines, but other people there in the physical are definitely the best type of motivation. I often hack my life based on this principle, for example I committed to never living alone because having a roommate makes me act way more organized and tidy. Also, I feel as if I somehow absorb other people's energy, so i try to surround myself with high-energy people to get a kick. :)
My mother is determined to make me panic and feel shame about any normal problem that comes up in life because that’s how she motivates herself and me as a kid to get it done. But I can’t function like that. First I must achieve calm and positivity and only then can I get anything done.
Omg, that’s SO my mother...panic mode from the word go, and gets offended when I refuse to panic with her 😂
us too omg, SAME.
And when we would tell her to stop bc we function differently she wouldn't care and even do harder. wtf is their problem
Just discovered your page today and I’m so grateful to have another ADHD resource to binge watch! Your positive spin on all aspects of ADHD is fantastic! I wish I could have a mini version of you on my shoulder throughout the day, haha.
“The messes we make are in service to our genius”
I love this so much.
Definitely emotionally and cognitively provocative.
On the last tip, I’ve always felt like a Mentor or a Manager, of some kind would come into my life and recognize my abilities and “use” me to get rich, recognizing my talents and realizing that they simply needed be focused in order to reap astronomical ROI.
Like an assistant or something.
And I think that’s exactly what you’re saying only through a lens of capitalistic internal locus of Control where my listless daydreaming although capitalistically feasible suffers from an external locus of control.
100% yes!!!
Please post more! You’re AMAZING! An absolute gem! 💎 No pressure though. Just want to let you know I feel like you’re my spirit guide. Hope you’re doing well! 🥰
Aww. So sweet! I have big plans for a relaunch this spring, but if you don’t follow me on IG that’s where most of my content is right now. @neuroemergent_insurgent
Thank you all ppl who are coming out with the best strategies to help ppl who are struggling with adhd
This is so unbelievably helpful. Instantly subscribed. Thank you. ❤
Edit: the outsourcing issue really hit a nerve. I want to embrace that fully without feeling like I've failed. My top outsourcing wishes are for: a house cleaner, more appointments with the dog groomer and a grocery delivery service. The cleaner being the top priority right now.
I really appreciate this video! Having ADHD can feel a lot like you're the only person in the world who struggles with this thing that everyone else seems to be so good at easily. Videos like this remind me that other people deal with this stuff and they've already done the hard work of learning how to overcome it.
I want to offer a different perspective here - I personally find it trivializing to call my ADHD, or parts of my ADHD, a 'gift'. It's a disability which creates serious limitations that need to be managed. Whatever gifts or talents I have are mine and mine alone. Executive function deficiencies form the core of ADHD symptoms, and specifically treating those symptoms for what they are (a disability) is what allows me to actually use the gifts and talents that I have.
You’re is a common perspective that I don’t share. I’m glad to agree to disagree.
@@TheSpiralLab I'm happy to agree to disagree as well.
And to clarify - I don't believe it's intrinsically wrong to say ADHD is a gift, only that it is not what resonates with my own lived experience.
I am also against calling it a gift insofar as it can discourage people from seeking treatment. People don't go to a doctor to help them live with their 'gift.'
@@bentrig9128 I have to agree with you on this one. While there are some personality traits I have, due to my ADHD, that are (or can be) endearing to others, by far the largest effects I experience are less than positive. To me, calling it a "gift" is a form of toxic positivity - almost an attempt to alleviate shame through gaslighting ourselves.
Simply learning that I have ADHD was all I needed to begin releasing the shame I held for years. My depression (for which all of my ADHD symptoms were blamed since I was 20 years old) no longer drove me to suicidal hopelessness because I no longer experienced shame over the things I could not do without help.
The DIAGNOSIS WAS THE GIFT, in my humble opinion. I don't need to sugar-coat my disability in order to love who I am, and accept myself - limitations and all.
@@kathic8823 I love this perspective, thank you.
Great video. This helps. It's a push in the right direction. Even just knowing that I can outsource if/when I reach panic levels of forcing myself could help me, and if I can't get rid of stuff myself I'll hire help to be in the same room. You've encouraged me to think about the metacognition of my mindfulness as a layer of thought rather than just something to analyze from time to time. Not that I'm sure that I can focus to put this into practice, starting anything is so difficult! But I'm thankful to have seen this!
I bawled my eyes out when you talked about shaming and trauma. thank you for this reframe. I feel seen ❤
Oh my God i was in my way to talk about Mary Kondo. It changed my life. I start to enjoy tidying😜 when I discovered Mary Kondo🌹
ikr???
Thank you for the info and insights. Your sound keeps fading in & out though and it makes it difficult to focus :)
This is lovely. Thank you for the summary. ❤
I adore your stream of consciousness insight and look forward to getting acquainted with your content. Ty! I am only recently learning these things about myself.
I got a lot out of this video, and I think you're spot on about the ADHD industry and modern culture. But I feel like the advice to outsource is only applicable if you have some amount of disposable income. A lot of my ADHD friends are poor. I don't mean broke, I mean poor. Even if you start out middle class or above, if your symptoms are severe enough that you can't work enough or keep getting fired, you can eventually end up without even basic resources. Neither I nor my friends have gone to the movies, bought frappuccinos, shopped for clothing we don't need, etc., for years. We don't have enough money even to get by. Outsourcing was the most useful tool in the world to me when I had the resources to do it, but I simply don't have the resources anymore. It's a vicious cycle. You get burned out, so you get less work done, so you can afford less, and it keeps on like that. I've been trying to break this cycle for six years. If anyone has recommendations of ADHD channels for people whose symptoms are out of control and who are chronically poor... please drop a link LOL
If your friends have the exact same problem, that you have trouble doing things at home, then you sound like my friends and me. What we’ve done is we organized a relaxing game night and during that night we brain stormed, who loves to do which things. For example I love to vacuum clean. My mother used to love to dust obsessively. Another one of my friends loves to do dishes and so on. We would write all of our tasks that we love to do down and all the tasks we hated. Then we would pair up the matching “cleaning buddies”. Once or twice a week we would come over to each other’s places and alternate the next night and on another day pick someone else for different tasks and have a “power hour” together, where we would both race the clock and do what we loved. Just the sheer fact that someone does it with you and everyone can do what they love. MAGIC!!!
What if you and friends helped each other. I can/will do things for others that I have trouble doing for myself. Maybe take time in each other's homes to do simple decluttering - trash & obvious donations.
@@TheStephanieGilbert I love this idea! Unfortunately for me, most of my friends and family have moved away because the cost of living in our area has increased exponentially. I love that this works for you, though, and it gives me hope that maybe I can figure out something like it in the future.
@@jillianguilford5191 That's a good point! I used to do this occasionally, but most of my friends and family have moved away because of the cost of living in my area. I guess that's why I feel like I don't have many resources anymore. Community makes everything easier.
I want to hug you and I wish my intelligent fast paced just do it until you are exhausted, husband would understand.. God bless him, I love him...
I feel you.
I would love to give this so many thumbs up! Thank you so much❤️
Thank you so much for this. I think a lot of people, including me, needed to hear your words.
I was diagnosed a couple of months back and I spent the next months hyperfixating on my symptoms. It can be so damaging to be reminded of one's faults, rather than what one is good at.
The problem is that this dysfunction doesn’t jibe with American society. If you get easily overwhelmed by work, you will be fired. If you cannot maintain a home, you will be socially disconnected or ostracized. Hence the shaming. I think the key is to make sure you find people and work that don’t fight your true nature. This will reduce trauma and shame and discord.
I want to add that it’s not a dysfunction. It’s a natural way for a person’s brain to be, simply a lot less common. Society sees it as a dysfunction because we maybe can’t perform as well with the tasks that society has ordered upon us
imho it is a dysfunction when I’ve been trying to do my laundry for 3 weeks and I can’t
Emily Huynh bingo
Emily Huynh
Exactly. I can do the smaller tasks, the bigger tasks I can’t seem to jumpstart my brain in gear to start.
It’s definitely a dysfunction & unless you live with it, you don’t understand it.
I agree 100%. 1000% that it is not a dysfunction. More on that soon!
It is both a disfunction and not. It is like being deaf in that if everyone was deaf being deaf isn’t a disability, they have perfectly good sign languages. But they live in a bearing world and to do that they and we do need a special label or for example they wouldn’t be entitled to interpreters, and we on a lesser scale need people to facilitate us to function in a non adhd world. If the majority was adhd and then minority not then they would be seen as the disordered ones, lacking in empathy and holistic abilities, considered scarily like robots blind to all sorts of things
This video is phenomenal. I just want to say I have been meta thinking for so long I am completely exhausted from it.
So well put! Thank you so much!!!
So you just identified a list of really serious struggles that we have due to adhd but you think its not a pathology? You know, you’re doing us a disservice by telling the world there’s nothing wrong with us, and it’s great having ADHD? You must be on a mild ADHD symptom level to think that, but ADHD is suffering, that’s what it is!
hashim khan I’m sorry you are suffering. I’m also sorry that you didn’t really hear what I said. I stand by my fundamental belief that your suffering is not caused by a pathology in your brain, but rather a pathology in our society. I don’t want you to suffer. I want to change society so you don’t have to. But if you insist the cause of your suffering is caused by a defect in your brain, you are certainly not alone and you are entitled to your belief. We can agree to disagree.
@@TheSpiralLab Constantly forgetting, misplacing, and losing valuable possessions is a pathology in society? Not being able to make appointments, get to work or uni on time, is that a pathology in society or is it my inability to remember and be aware of time? What are they supposed to do, tell me to come to work whenever I want? What about impulsiveness, if I get angry and lash out at someone or am impatient and cross a red light, who needs to change, society or me?
I just recent got diagnosed at age 52 in 2022. So glad I found u.... Subscribed, liked and u are on my favs list...!!!! I connect with everything you've said and I agree with it. So nice to know there are people out there who get it. I've felt so alone in this since childhood.
so greatful to have found you...thank you ❤
Thanks so much for this video. I really appreciate the compassion you display and your attitude and understanding for others going through these struggles. Subbing!