@@amusingaidathis is the best explanation I have heard. I spent a year in France getting peed off with the French attitude but once you get your head round how they see things it helps a lot. We're split by a small channel but the UK and France is so different culturally/courtesy-wise.
Pareil que Franck. Parisien de naissance, je suis absolument bluffé, en particulier pour la partie sur les boutiques comme espaces privés. Observations très fines. Si vous n'êtes ni anthropologue ni romancière, vous devriez y penser! 🙂
We just don't like faking sociability like people do in England for example. If we don't like you, we will not smile at you. I f we like you, we smile at you and we are already a bit friends (you can propose a glass of wine at that time and you have a new friend)
That is actually so true. I didn't really realize that until I went to Ireland, where everyone is sooooooo friendly. They're really kind, don't get me wrong, and I was a fair bit more shy back then, but it made me a little uncomfortable. I still tried to answer in kind but it felt unnatural to me.
And for all our American friends visiting France here is a tip: being discreet in public transport or in a waiting room is a sign of respect for others people around you. Being loud will be taken as if you own the place and don’t give a damn about others.
Frenchs are loud too when being abroad. I noticed that while living in Netherlands, I thought it was a general rule of not be understood make you wrongly feel having no interaction.
What I like about the french is indeed their politeness. When you leave à shop for instance they say " Merci bonne journée " If they haven’t got what you’ré looking for, they say " je suis désolé (e) " if you get lost they’ll go out of their way to show you the directions and sometimes take you where you’re going . They are genuinely anxious to help .. Of course there are some rude people too like anywhere else ....
Absolutely spot on with the politeness/acknowledgment/formal aspect. I was in a cheese shop being helped by the assistant, the owner came out from the back of the shop and said “bonjour monsieur” even though I was standing with my back to him. My daughter who was with me, was astounded by that politeness!
About the last point, when a French person starts a "verbal duel", it's a sign that they are respecting you, and they are inviting you to perform a verbal joust with them. You'll gain their trust if you join them on the exercise, of course, politely. Societal subjects and politics are frequent topics for those exchanges, and you shouldn't take what is expressed to heart, often they will play the devil's advocate there. It's a way of exercising your citizens'right and critical mind, which French people are so proud of.
C'est tout-à-fait ça ! Même si, selon les endroits... (dans un bar par exemple) les interlocuteurs prennent parfois les choses trop à coeur et on souvent un mal fou ne serait-ce qu'a écouter la personne qui exprime une autre opinion que la sienne. Mais bon... La bêtise n'a pas de frontières.
@@szymonbaranowski8184 (I won't be playing devil's advocate here...) The key word in your comment is "seem". First of all, French isn't an "ethnostate" since the mid-19th century abolition of slavery (at least officially) and in actual facts since the 1970's. The only other time it could have been called an ethnostate during that period would have been under the Petain régime during WW2. As for your notion of "minority"... I'll only consider it If you can give me valid data to prove it and especially a clear definition of who you call "actual French"... Good luck.🙄
@@DJ-hf3qq Exactly. Even the cashiers at the supermarket are most of the time very friendly, polite and "elegant". You hardly ever meet one that gives you a feeling of hating the job.
As a frenchman, I can say the video is pretty true. The common consensus is that parisians are snobs, and anglo-saxons are dull. We provide respect if we think you're outside of the consensus. A warm parisian or a quiet american will always get respect.
There is a reason. 2022 was just opening up after COVID. Tourism is about 10% of the French economy. Even they understand that when times are tough it's best to be nice.
Brillant. Très bonne explication. God we had so many fights with my spouse at the beginning (I'm the weird French), due to these misunderstandings. I spent ten years trying to explain the devil's advocate concept and had not found a single video about it! Really good contents.
I'm glad I contributed to settling a marital row (I hope!). Cultural misunderstandings are all the more nefarious because they fly below the radar of acquired learning. But hopefully there's some understanding in your home now about the mental duelling involved with conversation...
Likewise, I had a French girlfriend for several years and we fought a lot over stupid stuff like this. I think British and French romantic relationships don't mix very well to be honest, although I've had good French male friends so hope I'm wrong. I'm now with a Latin girl and we never fight. The cultures compliment each other.
@@amineouazad886 ha ha. There is a very funny video on line of Marina Rollman who is Swiss talking about this. She describes it as a sort of verbal martial art when French people come together - one of them lances la pique and throws in a controversial statement, then everyone engages in a fierce and angry debate, until… someone announced that the dessert is served and they all go back to being friends 😂😂
@@DJ-hf3qq yeah it s typical french family meeting ^^ we french love to argue especially about political topics. I had à taiwanese girlfriend ten years ago and she really didnt understand this.
I love your video. You are so accurate about us and that’s amazing because i never thought of some of the things you said because they are obvious to me, but they are not for a foreign visitor. I never thought that much of being polite in any circumstances as a key, even if i use it everyday to calm down rude or irritated people. What you also say about the stores is so relevant. Customer is not a king in France because money is not what matters more, having respect and treating someone as an equal is 😂😂
In my experiences it more often feels like the customer is seen below the service worker. This is particularly bad in Paris. In professional settings I've experienced cases where managers of people higher up the chain won't e-mail colleagues down the chain because they are considered beneath them and thus not worthy of their acknowledgment. Extreme I know and very frustrating, but acceptance and understanding of how things are do help one to integrate.
Very true about not losing your temper when arguing with a stranger. The moment you start yelling or using vulgar language, you’ve lost in a lot of French people’s eyes. The idea is not to let someone get away with bad behaviour. Rather, you call them out without stooping to their level. A well placed (and especially witty) remark in formal language will shut someone down much faster than insulting their mother.😅
That is SO true ! 🔥 I just had an argument on social media with someone stating false facts about life in France, yet without ever having been here ... 😅 I just respectfully called out her mistakes and was answer with "BS you Idi0t B*tch !" And more and more insult and denigrating cliches about supposedly life in France... 😅 I just thought "oh OK then , no need to even argue with that person, no good will come of it" and blocked her . 😄 Some of my French friends do this in real life and just give those kind of person the silent treatment because they just lost all worth of being talked to 😅
Québécois, j'ai vécu en France, à Paris et à Grenoble, presque un an du début au milieu des années 90 et tous ces points étaient déjà valides. Il est assez simple de s'y faire respecter si on les respecte... surtout si on se plait au jeu du débat. :-) Il existe bien sûr un univers dans lequel on connecte immédiatement, surtout entre jeunes, et où le «tu» vient quasi-automatiquement. Il ne faudrait pas penser que le formalisme est immuable. Il s'agit davantage d'être sensible à son environnement, comme partout quand on voyage : écouter, regarder, mimer un peu sans exagérer (ne pas devenir une caricature)... et simplement demander quand on n'est pas certain des limites. Bravo pour ton vidéo.
Bonjour alcibiade , au risque de paraître prétentieux j'aimerais reprendre ta prononciation : ont ne dit pas " j'ai vécu a Paris et a Grenoble " mais " j'ai survécu a Paris et a Grenoble " cette légère nuance fait toute la différence ;)
Mdr wtf 😂 nope "j'ai vécu" est bien mieux. Il essayait de vous faire une blague ici, mais sans savoir si vous l'avez comprise ou non, je préfère vous dire que la manière correcte est bien "j'ai vécu" ^^ "J'ai survécu" sous-entend que vous avez eu une très mauvaise expérience dans ces villes, qui a failli vous tuer
@@shakaponk5609 J'ai adoré les deux villes, vraiment. Pour moi, c'était loin de signifier survivre, même si mon passage à Paris était un peu sans le sou. Je m'y suis fait de bons amis et y ai passé des moments qui font partie de mes meilleurs souvenirs. J'ai voyagé beaucoup, mais entre bien des pays, mes séjours en France furent heureux.
Bonjour, Je ne pensais pas que nos cousins québécois avaient une matière si différente de la notre. C'est vrai entre jeune on se tutoie naturellement mais personnellement je trouve le "vous" plus élégant. Et ça fait plaisir à ces dames. Je leur de la ma dame et elle me renvoie du jeune homme. Tout le monde sourit, tout le monde est content. Merci de rien. Bonne journée.
In Mexico politeness and friendliness is extremely important! For instance; In a restaurant when you finish your meal before you leave it is a common practice to tell the people sitting close to you "Buen Provecho" or Enjoy your meal. Also, in grocery stores elderly people work for free bagging your groceries and it is polite to leave a tip as they do not make an income. Using formal vocabulary such as "Usted" (Vous) instead of TU (the same in French) is polite when meeting strangers or elderly people to show respect. You must greet people before asking a question and saying thank you is a must or you will be looked at as rude and disrespectful. Just a little of another culture with very strong values and traditions!
Yes -- I loved my visit to Mexico City, where I found some point in common, and many differences of course, with France. Such a cool place, D.F. (at least the parts I got to see)
@@pinkworld9384 I do not think the French politeness can be compare with anyone else's. They are different, and have nothing in common with Hispanic/Latin american culture.
@@PablaMMoore I beg to differ. French here, that is half Portuguese, and I've lived in Spain. For sure French are more formal than other latins, but most is similar. I understand modern Spanish or Portuguese are less formal than they use to be ("usted" or "voce" are not as common). On the contrary Latin American countries have kept this use, which is closer to modern day French. Hence sometime the misunderstanding.
@@PablaMMoore As an addition to the useful comment above, Mexicans love and respect witty banter. Elegant and witty use of language is regarded as a heightened social tool. Of course, if you’re not fluent in the language, you will never be able to realize this. The love of language includes playing devil’s advocate and also killing the enemy with politeness. An example of a thing you may see in Mexico is when someone who works in the service industry is very unhelpful , the customer won’t tell them how awful they were but rather will finalize the conversation with a smile by saying “ I owe you all my gratitude for how helpful you’ve been today”. Neither French nor Mexican would have ever started the sentence the way you did “I don’t think…” No one cares what you think, first you have to make the other person care about what you think, and that is an art. So a French or Mexican would start the sentence with “unless there is more that I don’t know, I don’t see xyz” or would at the very least excuse themselves right off the bat before starting an argument so as to make it great for everyone. Finesse at the table, on your palate and on your plate is another great similarity between Mexico and France. Two countries with great culinary traditions and finesse in table manners and social culture. We are talking about two of the heightened cultures of our planet. Great respect for one’s own culture and history and also for each other’s historical heritage, although of course not all countries can boast such rich heritages as Mexico or as France or have been able to withstand the stampede of ignoble values and influence coming from the Unites States with its emphasis on empty consumerism and superficial and many a times unethical values which champion greed over harmony and the individual over the community. There that is another one for you, Mexico and France both champion the community over the individual. Neither walk around feeling entitled, making noise, speaking loudly at their phones where they bother others like Americans love to do or speak loudly at the table like also Americans love to do so that everybody can hear them. This doesn’t happen in these countries. The basic rules of politeness and privacy apply in every public space be it trains, street, planes, restaurants, etc. Neither French nor Mexicans like to bother social acquaintances with their personal issues. Never would you hear a neighbor greeting a fellow neighbor asking how they are doing only to hear “I just got diagnosed with prostate cancer.” Unheard of in France and in Mexico. But meet an American for the first time at an airport and inquire why they’re traveling and they’ll answer just that. The list can continue, but let’s hope you get the point and I leave you with a last but not least which is how well read common Mexicans and common French peoples are about history, politics, philosophy, poetry, cinema, theatre: all types of cultural and historical texts are read and discussed as a normal part of daily interactions at cafe’s, metros, taxi cabs, friends’ tables, etc I would tell you to try it, but you probably aren’t fluent in both French and Spanish. French and Mexicans are both cultured people of deep roots in social correctness and in the idea of respecting people’s places and hierarchies and there is a long history of affinity between the two countries. So yes, they do share many essential similarities in their way of being polite, in their être so to speak, each of course with their own beautifully particular flavor. As an aside: Simply put it’s not possible to group Mexico and Latin American countries all in one entity. It’s a very ignorant stance.
Hi from Australia Aida. I have recently discovered your channel and I have to credit you for the great content, presentation style and camera work! I have recently returned from 2 weeks in Paris and I loved it - I found that most people I met were friendly, helpful, were happy to engage in English after I started with very limited French. Much of what you mentioned in this video now makes alot more sense to me. I hope to return one day to experience more of France. Please please keep to videos coming whether France, Spain, Australia or elsewhere.
That is funny another Aussie here and also just discovered your channel! I agree great content. I too found my experience in Paris was very different to what I had heard. Loved my time in France, will definitely go back.
It's still a bit bewildering to me that visitors can come here expecting to be the brunt of arrogant, snobbish behaviour.... That's not the Paris at all that they find. It's a living city, not a Simpsons stereotype.
Hi, thank you for your videos which are charming and informative. My first visit to Paris next month and I am sure it will be a marvellous adventure. Your Oz video was fair dinkum also.🙂
Many thanks Stephen! I put my effort into the videos (but I guess that's true for every videomaker on RUclips, especially the ones on Paris). Paris is a multifaceted carpet that rolls out in front of you. So many 'alternative realities' to explore, according to what you want from the city. Enjoy your Paris adventure!
@@romain5920 Ah, I didn't know about him, but have just looked him up on Wikipedia, and yeah I see that his theory is all about culturally differentiated personal space, so similar...
I've never laughed so much about the well-known topic of cultural differences. The approach to the subject is original, insightful, and incredibly pertinent. The editing and presentation are equally engaging. I'm definitely subscribing! 🤗from France
There are some really good tips here. Acknowledge people for who they are and be polite. This really is important in France, but isn‘t it everywhere? Good video
This video was a revelation to me. One of my parents was French and the other American, and I live in England. These descriptions of French behaviors and expectations ring true, as I seem to have subconsciously subscribed to every single one of them. I'm slightly more formal and polite (but in a friendly way) than the English, which some people find disconcerting. The English like to bond by agreeing on clichés, but now I understand why I have a reputation for being somewhat argumentative. I would rather have a measured discussion about a 'third rail issue' than talk about the weather. Clearly I'm more French than I had ever realized!
@@heron6462 It's great to have a bicultural upbringing, opening the door to wider understanding and different fallback behaviour. Keep up the argumentative/critical/analytical esprit!
I loved this. It's funny how most of the rules boil down to "have good manners and don't have unrealistic expectations." I live in an extra-rural part of Vermont, USA where it's very normal for businesses to keep unusual hours or be closed for long stretches. Honestly I love it. It reminds me that life isn't about being always online and open and available all the time. It makes many experiences that much more special too when they're not there on-demand 24/7. Wherever I've traveled, I've found that conveying warmth and good manners (even if it's just with expressions and gestures) goes a LONG way to making up for any language barrier. I get really shy about trying to speak another language, because I'm afraid to insult someone by making a mistake, but I eventually realized that just makes me come off as cold, even arrogant or entitled. I would never ever think less of someone who doesn't speak English as their first language speaking it to me, and I try to remember that most people are the same way. Making a genuine effort to acknowledge and connect that shows respect and openness, is much much more important than perfect grammar. Be brave enough to set aside your self-consciousness so you can just be present with that other person. Even if you're just ordering a coffee lol. A smile/slight bow with a hand over the heart is a good standby to convey goodbye/thanks/appreciation if you're in a context where you're not sure if you're supposed to shake hands, hug, kiss, etc. (Or just follow their lead, although this can be a bit tricky in real time, and also because sometimes the rules are different for men/women, guest/host etc.) In addition to the usual politenesses of thank you, hello, goodbye etc., I also highly recommend learning how to say some versions of "your English is better than my [French, Spanish, etc.]" in the language of the country you're visiting. A compliment with a little humor is helpful when you want to thank and acknowledge the other person crossing the language barrier on your behalf.
It sounds like you're approaching all interactions everywhere with good faith and a good heart. Misunderstandings are normal, perhaps avoidable, but in the end it's the spirit that is conveyed that proves the most persuasive, I think
For well over 30 years that I've been traveling to France and knowing French people, my experiences have been overwhelming positive. However, there a have also been a few albeit rare times when I experienced some really nasty behavior. Living in the US all my life, I have also experienced and occasionally still do encounter some unpleasant people. Overall, France and the French are amazing.
Yeah, unfortunately just about everyone here is going to say they found unpleasant behaviour in France... and in any other country they have spent extensive time in. The range of people you get, I guess. But a positive outlook and a brain that lets you immediately forget the unpleasant ones are my little secrets!
@@amusingaida But if people are honest, they could probably say the same thing about the city they live in. Actually, I know quite a few people who traveled to France and did not encounter negative behavior. Honestly, I found in France people to be kind for the most part.
@@amusingaida hmm.., but have you not even noticed that French from one part of France, even dislike those from another? "Plouc du nord" for example? And no one really likes the parisiennes when they holiday in other parts of France. The départemental codes on number plates helps amplify this.
@@Madoldcatlady I have never, ever heard anyone denigrate les gens de Lille or elsewhere in the north as des 'ploucs'. Maybe I've had a very sheltered experience in my travels. As for the animosity towards Parisiennes.... again, I've actually never encountered that. I understand that there is an initial wariness, seemingly based on stereotypes and préjugés, but in face-to-face interactions it's not a thing. Yes, there are the départemental codes on number plates... but many Parisians don't own a car, and simply rent one when they need to (and those number plates almost never have 75 on them anyway)...
Love, love, love - All of it. Just moved back to Paris after 22 years of living in the American midwest. Needless to say I've completely forgotten how things work. I've been struggling to figure out how to put into words *the rules* of social interactions here. Not to mention sidewalk etiquette; it's been one my toughest ones to crack. So this video brings sense to a lot these questions, and with style on top it! Bravo madame et merci à vous.
This is quite good, and helpful. More real insight like this would be great. And as good as the specific points you make, what's even better is the whole approach of trying to understand the perspective of other cultures when we encounter them, rather than just "judging" from our own viewpoint. Thank you.
Thank you very much for this awesome video. I'm sure there was a lot of work to make these explanations so easy to understand, and really funny. Congrats!
As a Frenchman I can say that you've captured the French essence perfectly, and I'd even go further and say that you've explained things that we wouldn't be able to. Félicitations !
I am pretty impressed by your excellent knowledge of French psychology of relationships ! If I should give my 2 advices, they would be : - try to speak some French, even basic, but with an effort about pronounciation (for instance in a bakery we say "croissant" not "croissante"), this is much appreciated - always keep in mind that in France money does NOT buy everything, so you have to respect the waiters and salespersons even if you have 1000 x more money than them, and you will always get a much better service and experience if you are kind and respectfull than if you just show you have a huge budget.
My new favorite channel on French culture! What a delightful and enlightening lady! Thank you for your insights and humor, from an American occasionally in Paris.
About level 2 interactions, yes, we love arguying. It can get heated but we know there are no hard feelings at the end. And you're right, we sometimes argue just for the sake of arguying. We love witty spirits. It is a mix of using reasonable arguments, a showcase of our knowledge of a topic (a bit of pedantry), and the mastering of rethorics.
Yes, as an American who follows (and loves to spar about) politics closely, from experience in living there, the French are not only MUCH more well-informed than Americans in general, but can 'discuss', even yell about politics or any other issue, but it's all water under the bridge as the conversation turns. Whereas in America, such heated 'arguments' would cause people to lose friends and family members immediately. What was once considered 'rugged individualism' has become borderline blanket narcissism in America. "There's no I in TEAM, but there's an M and an E because it's all about 'ME'!" I used to travel back and forth from France and the U.S. quite a bit, sometimes a year, a few months or a few weeks, but regardless the thing I noticed the most EVERY time I came back to the U.S., as soon as I got off the plane, was how much Americans complain. About EVERYTHING. As though they look for imperfections with a subconscious effort, and when found, take it as a personal affront to their very identity, and want people to 'pay' or be punished somehow for their even most mild inconvenience.
Great video! your content is outstanding and so different from everything else out there! I love the topics and how well spoken you are & present the info!
@@amusingaida you're more than welcome, you really seem to have adjusted and understood France well. I could show you some hidden gems in Paris i you're interested
It seems kind of sensible in France. As a cabbie in UK I feel British people can not respect my workspace enough. Its kind of the Robert De Niro "are you talking to me" kind of thing. I always have that thing of respecting other people's spaces whether its their home or their workplace. Its a good thing to not make assumptions - I think the French get that. You yourself do look quite French and quite elegant and I am sure the French will welcome you. One day I will visit Paris, I already love the place even though I've never been.
Glad to hear you're a De Niro fan too - and thanks for the compliments... I think my compatriots have already welcomed me. In any case I'm having a ball.
I don't know why this was recommended to me today, maybe because I'm currently learning French, but I have to say this painted a beautiful picture of the country that I really liked and you're an amazing presenter and actress! Subscribed.
@@amusingaida It is so true (for the 15') that in the south west we call it "le quart d'heure aquitain". And it saved our lives (preparing perfect dinner is important here as you know) many times when our guests came up with that delay (dunno if it's the correct word but you sure get it).
This is fantastic content! I have traveled to Paris several times, and I have also traveled to other areas in France at different times over many years, where English is spoken less. When I open my mouth, they know an American English accent, even if I speak in French. And I always know when French people are bracing for, and expecting stereotypical American behavior. I start by not assuming they speak English. That is a big one I think. I will apologize for my accent and mistakes in advance since I am only about A2/B1, but they are disarmed and surprised when they can tell how polite and respectful I attempt to be.
It's great that you are so engaged with French, and the French. Tbh, part of the joy of Paris is the mix of accents. And I'm happy my video brought some informative insight too!
@DixieC-vj2sg Thanks. Thanks. I am not fooled and not being overly-apologetic. I have lived a pretty long time, and I have lived all over America, from the South, to the Midwest, to the Northeast, and I know my people. Heck, many of my fellow Americans aren't even nice to one another here in this country. These days, some don't try for good social interactions, grace for mistakes, or misunderstandings, and kindness when interacting in this country in restaurants, grocery stores, parking lots and public places. So yeah, I hear you, many are nice, but.... Second, I have traveled abroad for 30 years to many countries all over Europe and some in South America. I see and hear my fellow Americans--not all, but some--in restaurants and hotels, and I shake my head at the interactions I hear. And you are right about some Europeans: I have had racist comments hurled at me by French-speaking people, and others insult my attempt to be nice, and speak their language, but what can you do. People are people all over the world. But still, I know when, for example, I have walked into a shop in America, France, Canada, Switzerland, Germany, the UK, Peru, or in any of the other countries to which I traveled, I treat it like I am entering someone else's office at work or someone else's home. Nice and respectful, and I get a good response.
For the beret, it is true that it can seem outdated. But be careful, it still remains popular in the South-West of France where it was born, I see a lot of people wearing it, even young people in Bordeaux, Toulouse and Bayonne. And this is even more true in medium-sized towns and villages.
That was my shorthand to let some visitors to know not to take their cues from Emily in Paris... I have (occasionally) seen French people with a beret, but not often...
@@amusingaida depends on the color...a black "béret basque" is quite outdated for a man ( my grand father used to wear one all day long). But a red one can suit for a young woman...
Beret ended to be worn in France basically after WW2. The frenchie with a beret, a baguette under the arm and a bottle of wine in hand is a caricature. So it may be regarded as a mockery.
@@francoislambert4739 C'est vrai que les miliciens - la Milice fasciste, qui arrêtait et torturait les résistants, portaient un béret, ce qui a dû jouer en défaveur du port du béret à la Libération. Néanmoins mon grand-père tout ce qu'il y a de plus hostile aux miliciens, en portait un ( mon père préférait les casquettes : tous deux avaient le crâne très dégarni et risquaient des coups de soleil). Le béret était pratique et se rangeait dans la poche en le pliant. Après cette guerre, la mode vestimentaire a changé, les prénoms aussi. La caricature, c'est Superdupont...
Great work. I am French, and I approve this message. I remember my best friend (American) who came to France for his studies, and he was deeply disturbed by the locals' relationship with time. Being a stickler for punctuality myself, I didn't feel judged, and being used to it I can't say I mind very much, but hey, what's the use of giving a time if it is ultimately left to everyone appreciation? Wherever you go, even for a few days, learning the basic 4 (hello/goodbye/please/thank you) will go a long way. The debate bit is oddly accurate, we love a sparring partner! I'd also add that the French show much respect for anyone with some general knowledge of history, what we call "culture générale". And as stereotypes go, we tend to see any incoming American as a bonified creationist/flatearther/antivaxxer.. etc, who's never read a book and who thinks the Las Vegas Eiffel tower is the original. We're happy to be proved wrong though!
You're French with excellent English! Thanks for the comment, it means a lot! Especially the validation of verbal sparring partners. I don't know about reflexive stereotyping though...
I have not seen a more accurate explanation of the French mindset and mentality when it comes to their interractions with people. Every American that plans to visit France should watch this video to understand the cultural differences. As a French man living in the Us, I can say that your analysis of the French people is 100% true! Bravo!
Brilliant analysis! I wish I could have known that before I studied there in the 1980s! I think I figured much of it out. Still, as a North American (not from the States!) I had a hard time with people getting annoyed because their chatting was interrupted by their work! Not just in the service industry. I visited friends at a radio station (during working hours, upon their invitation) and they got visibly and audibly annoyed when they had to momentarily set our conversation aside to deal with work. I was shocked!
It might just be me, but in the workplace I also give priority to, well, work. But I understand there can be different approaches, perhaps contingent on the investment one has in the job.
When I was lucky enough to spend some extended periods of time in Paris, whenever I was on the metro and heard loud people, it was always American tourists. I felt the greatest compliment one day when I was standing on the corner by the Opera Garnier, and some local Parisian started speaking French to me, and I responded with the only French I knew. “I’m sorry I don’t understand, do you speak English?” They then said “oh la la I thought you were Parisian!” 😅 Great video!
There is a tendency there, sure. But just as Americans shouldn't believe the stereotypes too often trafficked about on the French, we shouldn't assume all the stereotypes about Americans stand up all the time...
Bonjour et merci (see, I was paying attention 🙂). I so enjoy your topical, humorous and intelligent videos. When entering a small shop (or anywhere) is it still okay to say, "Messieurs, dames, bonjour!"?
Great video. Being English I was prepared to be rolling my eyes, but I found this very insightful and educational. I particularly liked 'Considering the fragility of existence, a coffe perhaps?'. How French! By the way, where are you from? Are you French or have you just lived in France for a long time? Your English is so good I couldn't really tell.
Thanks for writing the kind words - making it I was very determined to not just regurgitate platitudes and hollow 'tips', I really did want to get deeper with the subject. Otherwise where's the value? (As for your last question, yes I'm French, but yes, also from a non-native path, which I find invaluable for being inside the tent but also able to see France the way an outsider might.)
Haha... I did two university degrees in English and before my little jump into RUclipsism I worked in international organizations where English was the lingua franca. And I've lived in various non-francophone countries. I think my English these days is better than my French....
This video is suprisingly accurate. Well done, you understand us perfectly. The tip about talking too loudly should be explained to every american tourist, might be also useful if tou travel in germany.
As an American, I wish someone would explain not talking loudly (screaming on your phone, using speaker phone in public, playing videos on speaker in public) to the entire country. It's such a relief to go to France and be surrounded by good manners.
@@kriserts I have noticed, frequently, that certain nationalities have no qualms about putting videos or music or calls on speaker phones even when surrounded by people. Annoying? Sure. But it also make me wonder how our social codes are so different....
Aida, je viens de passer le meilleur petit quart-d'heure en suivant vos observations et jouissant de votre humour. Meme le toutou est tellement poli! Pas francaise, mais ancienne élève d'un lycée francais à l'étranger
I just found your video and I'm struck by the intelligence and perception of it! When you mentioned the word 'refinement', I was instantly struck by the realization that it doesn't exist here in the USA. We're not refined at all. Great info. Thanks
Most kind your words (about my video anyway -- as to refinement in the US, I wouldn't dare offer any opinion of real life there, though I must say I do appreciate some of the TV streaming shows)
C'est une perception. Une opinion. En fait tout est une question d'opinion dans cette vidéo, basée sur une perception particulière. Nous ne sommes pas réellement un peuple raffiné. Il faut vraiment mal nous connaitre. Oui les parisiens sont particulièrement rudes. Et répondre de manière polie à quelqu'un qui s'énerve peut souvent être perçu comme une provocation. De surcroit les Français ne sont pas une entité monolithique, c'est certes un petit pays mais avec beaucoup de régions, qui il y a encore peu, ne parlait pas ou prou Français, et avec des mentalités très différentes selon les régions. Il y a une très grande différence de comportement entre, disons, le nord-Est de la France avec une mentalité de type "allemande" et le sud-Ouest de type espagnole. Je schématise bien sur. Mais c'est un peu ca.
5:46 You don't always need to ask. It depends on how confident are in the interaction, social skills, etc. You don't have to be polite for people to respect you, dropping the politeness also shows confience. You can often just switch without warning, or just tell the other other that you're switching or that they should address you using "tu". And it also depends on the social circle and the generation of the person. For very many people of my generation, you can straight up start with "tu" and they won't bat an eye, some of the older generations might have a slight issue with that sometimes. In some contexts, I also use tutoiement as a first interaction with a stranger, regardless of age. It's not an exact science, many things can work :P
Vous avez (tu as) totalement raison... pour les Français. But for me I was just trying to guide visitors a little bit (those speaking French) on perhaps how better to navigate the vous/tu terrain. Actually, it's a puzzle for me even now which form to use in French in RUclips comments (my instinct is to judge by age -- but that's impossible).
That was very informative. Being polite for somebody with well manners comes across as someone that’s quite wealthy so even if you’re poor and you have very good manners, seems to me you bestow a wealthy look.
i don’t agree with the situation if someone is rude, stay polite. if someone who is not polite (french or non-french) towards you, that person should be corrected in a good way, never pass that kind of behavior otherwise it will be normalized. we are all human beings after all. but love the tips! 😊
But that's the cultural quandry, isn't it? What one person on one side of the Atlantic might consider rude, another on the other side doesn't see it that way. "Normalized" is a loaded term when talking about different peoples, different countries -- hell, even different regions within a country.
Hello, I'd like to add that our politeness can be a proper and intentional reply to rudeness. Basically means that staying polite in front of rudeness is a very strong way to show to the indisposed quarreler our superiority. Hence, it's even more hurtful to one's ego to get that kind of treatment instead of being simply assaulted with bad words. I think this subject can go way wider and it's, indeed, a very interesting one. A good start can be the réflexion proposed by Bourdieu about "capital social". In France, the social capital (including everything that this video talks about) is way more important than your concrete revenue, property, car and anything you hold. It's an evidence for any french in the very upper class and what we call "cadres" (dunno the english equivalent for that). Not so for les "nouveaux-riches" though. However, of course, there is the "below class" and outsiders as well, quite many in fact in France. Foreigners usually don't get to know that kind of person so much because that kind are prolly not so open to tourists by themselves (and for the "below class", not so confident about speaking in english). Their culture is more straightforward and less alambiquous. For my experience, they are the most reliable type of french people as well, usually. Unfortunately, I rarely experienced foreigners (even long-term ones) interested on that kind of people, I feel a lot because they don't correspond to clichés about how a french pal is and behave.
Small note: don't try to act "in a good way" to an unpolite french. You will be seen as someone with a "balai dans le cul" - mostly if you're young. Social justice doesn't work very much here if I extrapole the idea.
Not bad. Two more simple things about timings. (1) in services: if you have come from the UK or the US, you will be surprised that banks, post offices etc, have a long break in the middle of the day. But then, they stay open late, too. Can't go to a bank at 2pm, but you can at 6pm. (2)when it comes to important things, there will be alternatives. Pharmacies open at night or have a "garde" cover round arranged, so they'll display where you can go. Don't loose your temper, it will slow you down, but don't give up if you / your kid needs medical help, people will understand and the support will be there.
I was in Cassise years ago and was looking for a public washrom I was told was in a particular direction. I mistakenly said "excuse me , where is the toilet near here?"in French to a woman working in a kiosk. She glarared at me and said "BONJOUR" very loudly. I apologised and repeated my question with Bonjour first. She just waved me away and wouldn't tell me that the washroom was just beside her kiosk. I will never forget that horrible experience. I never forgot to start with Bonjour again.
@@amusingaida Finement observé ! Formal politeness between strangers is often a power play in France, a way to assert dominance and claim (social*) status. There is actually a latent hostility towards English speakers in provincial France for historical reasons, especially towards American citizens who are seen as loud, vulgar and uncultured. * Everything is social in France.
@@TheSwimmom1 To be honest we do like a Bonjour but the overwhelming majority of us would have helped you the first time, she either thought you wanted to use her toilet or was already in a bad mood aha
@@Hoera290 Please don't get me wrong. She was the only rude person we encountered in France in the 3 trips we had. I just meant to say that as a result I never made that mistake again, French people are lovely and we all have a few of those people in our own home towns.
I'm french, I can definitely tell that you know my country well ...why wouldn't you try to make content in french speaking about how to behave in some other countries ...because there is I think stuff that french people don't really understand about outside cultures, because who wants to tell the french about those ? 😊
Well, je te remercie, J'ai fait de mon mieux ! At the moment, though, I'm having fun explaining France to the world. Doing the inverse would make people think I want to take over from Bernard-Henri Lévy!
@@amusingaida Hahaha félicitation votre réponse est typiquement française , vous vous étes parfaitement acclimaté a la finesse et l’élégance verbal du pays
Ça m'a trop fait rire le duel de politesse haha Avec une réponse plein de sous-entendus c'est exactement comme ça qu'on peut remettre parfaitement à sa place une personne qui a eu un comportement inapproprié, car elle s'attendrait à ce qu'on se soit abaissé à son niveau, c'est-à-dire être explicitement impoli.
I don't understand the issue with wearing a bérêt? I wear one in Montreal in the fall and winter, it's just a hat to keep my head warm... Should I not wear it when in Paris? I mean of course, I'm not planning to wear it with a marinière and to walk around with a baguette under my arm at all times... That would be ridiculous:D
Wear what makes you comfortable, and wear it with confidence. That pointer in my video speaks to the sort of cosplay you see in Paris these days, where some visitors seem to be taking inspiration from a certain Emily in Paris. In the end, you own your style (and shouldn't let some Netflix trend dictate what you wear), just be aware though that for Parisians these days it can be a bit of a signifier...
From the french point of view, it is considered as 'you see, I am french like you because I wear a beret', even if it's not ...I'm french, here we are taught in early years that you can't use one's characterisitics (like clothes) until you have sufficient knowlegde of what's in one's mind ...😉😉
Thank you for this very elegant video, which gives a very touching image of France. The most pertinent and amusing point is clearly the one about politeness. I myself am more French than the French on this point, probably partly because of my youthful fascination with the Japanese, who add body bows to verbal politeness. I remember that when I was a supervisor in a secondary/primary school, my tendency to bow ended up being mimicked by the younger children, and a few of the girls would sometimes overdo it with real curtsies when they saw me, and their buddies would end up playing doorman and exclaiming “après vous, madame”, even when there was no door in sight. It was really cute. It wasn't mockery; I think the excesses of gesture had ended up making the politeness very theatrical, and therefore in a way almost amusing, less boring for them. Anyway, just a good memory that your video reminded me of. Thanks again for the lovely work. Take Care.
When I finally get to France I will be rembering all of your sage advice. I am always (well almost always) polite, so I should be fine interacting with people. I will work on using politeness an offensive weapon, it sounds like a useful skill.
Thanks so much for this video. French culture is strongly empowering. The country really acts more as a collective. It is a nation that does respect intellectualism and there’s nothing wrong with that. It embraces all and those who claim its rude oftentimes have personal issues that need to be resolved. What other nation calls for such unity as “Liberté. Égalité. Fraternité.” Also Paris is a globalist city it is full of common characteristics, you would find in any major globalist cities, such as London, Tokyo, New York City, and so on. To me all these cities have profound rudest no where else in the world. France is so rich and has so many amazing cultures and cities beyond Paris. They each have unique charm not found anywhere else in the world. Vive La France! 🇫🇷
I'd like to agree with you, as a generalisation. And I do think that Paris is a globalist city. But I think that, socially and poltically, the argument that France acts and thinks collectively is blowing apart. As a Française, I see a wide gap between the urban part of France, and the rural part. And I'm not sure how that will ever be bridged, at least on a political level.
@@amusingaida I understand your perspective. I visited France, including Paris, Lille, and Lyon, and found a strong sense of unity and solidarity. Unlike the U.S., where cities can feel vastly different due to varied state laws, France offers a consistent and cohesive experience. Post-COVID, people globally turned to conservatism or radical change to cope. As life returns to normal, I hope France continues to cherish its cultural roots and national unity. France is a truly inspiring country unlike anything else in the world. Vive La France 🇫🇷
@@amusingaida People depend on the state not on each other ; that is really sad . I've been a single woman all my life and I do get taken advantage of but of late here it's just gone ballistic. I'm not sure about the respect for intellectuals if you live in a rural setting; people are quite afraid of this.
I’ve been teaching these things to all my students since 1964. It works like a charm. I am a French teacher. I have been living in, studying in and visiting France since 1957. My partner is a Frenchman.
I am Spanish and I have been several times in France and I loved it. They are proud of what they are. And being a farmer I admire them. They appreciate any profession any craft!. You go there and you feel that you can be any menial job and get respect. Waiters are profesionals. In my youth days I worked in England in a posh restaurant with many French, I had not idea of waiting and instead of looking me down they helped out and welcomed me. Obviously as any country they may have ups and downs as any but they are an important culture.
Important point : when your "professional partner" is on vacations, or your café or anything else, we can't choose another employee or something like that : it is not really about money for us, it is because the work of a person has to be respected and noone could do the exact same work. It could be insulting for some of us (the "rule" is the basic but individually we are all different so it depends of course). Especially when we talk about food... the chef is THE chef, it's his kitchen etc. You can extrapolate this idea, it's not really a matter of money for us (but as a foreigner of course it could be really disturbing I totally understand)
Agreed, that's a good point, and underlines how there is personal investment in many French establishments that goes well beyond return on investment or revenue/cost ratios....
Absolutely and definitively a brilliant and funny video ! (The "duel" scene is really excellent...) In France we NEVER give a kiss ON the cheeks but always "in the void" ! In fact we only touch the cheeks of the person we're kissing, and the kiss passes over their shoulder. Your French is really good and you FINALLY pronounce our "R" perfectly and without rolling it ! (Like a German, an Arab or a Spanish would do, but with the tongue completely still and flat in the mouth, the tip touching the lower teeth...) So, congratulations for your very good advice... and your beautiful smile !😍 👍
@BidouLaloge not all Anglo-Saxon cultures are the same, they widely vary. Widely and wildly. Even within England alone, the North and South are like different countries.
Best understanding of French people I ever heard (and I am French).
Merci Franck, votre commentaire est encore plus apprécié parce que vous êtes français !
@@amusingaidathis is the best explanation I have heard. I spent a year in France getting peed off with the French attitude but once you get your head round how they see things it helps a lot. We're split by a small channel but the UK and France is so different culturally/courtesy-wise.
@@aldozilli1293 Yes! And things went a lot smoother then?
@@amusingaida Je crois que oui 😁
Pareil que Franck. Parisien de naissance, je suis absolument bluffé, en particulier pour la partie sur les boutiques comme espaces privés. Observations très fines. Si vous n'êtes ni anthropologue ni romancière, vous devriez y penser! 🙂
To be polite in France is to show respect and formality and not to be overly friendly ( superficial).
Yes! Exactly !!!
Oui ! Exactement !!!
We just don't like faking sociability like people do in England for example. If we don't like you, we will not smile at you. I f we like you, we smile at you and we are already a bit friends (you can propose a glass of wine at that time and you have a new friend)
Extremely funny as French people are the fakest of them all and yes I’m French
That is actually so true. I didn't really realize that until I went to Ireland, where everyone is sooooooo friendly. They're really kind, don't get me wrong, and I was a fair bit more shy back then, but it made me a little uncomfortable. I still tried to answer in kind but it felt unnatural to me.
And for all our American friends visiting France here is a tip: being discreet in public transport or in a waiting room is a sign of respect for others people around you. Being loud will be taken as if you own the place and don’t give a damn about others.
Fellow Americans...yes...please lower your tone in all of Europe. It makes us look childish, not powerful.
Like in Japan. But in Japan it is much much more important than in France.
Frenchs are loud too when being abroad. I noticed that while living in Netherlands, I thought it was a general rule of not be understood make you wrongly feel having no interaction.
@@LionelPalazzi Correct. Some french are loud and sometimes unkind. Like everywhere actually (except Japanese) ;)
What I like about the french is indeed their politeness. When you leave à shop for instance they say " Merci bonne journée " If they haven’t got what you’ré looking for, they say " je suis désolé (e) " if you get lost they’ll go out of their way to show you the directions and sometimes take you where you’re going . They are genuinely anxious to help .. Of course there are some rude people too like anywhere else ....
Absolutely spot on with the politeness/acknowledgment/formal aspect. I was in a cheese shop being helped by the assistant, the owner came out from the back of the shop and said “bonjour monsieur” even though I was standing with my back to him. My daughter who was with me, was astounded by that politeness!
It's also a reflex politeness... like so many things we grow up doing every day since children -- it really does shape how we interact
About the last point, when a French person starts a "verbal duel", it's a sign that they are respecting you, and they are inviting you to perform a verbal joust with them. You'll gain their trust if you join them on the exercise, of course, politely. Societal subjects and politics are frequent topics for those exchanges, and you shouldn't take what is expressed to heart, often they will play the devil's advocate there. It's a way of exercising your citizens'right and critical mind, which French people are so proud of.
It's a sign they think you can engage at a mental level, exercise opinion and reason.... it truly is a compliment.
@@amusingaida That's our national sport 😉
C'est tout-à-fait ça ! Même si, selon les endroits... (dans un bar par exemple) les interlocuteurs prennent parfois les choses trop à coeur et on souvent un mal fou ne serait-ce qu'a écouter la personne qui exprime une autre opinion que la sienne. Mais bon... La bêtise n'a pas de frontières.
doesn't seem do looking at French politics and actual state of actual French being minority in own ethnostate
@@szymonbaranowski8184 (I won't be playing devil's advocate here...) The key word in your comment is "seem". First of all, French isn't an "ethnostate" since the mid-19th century abolition of slavery (at least officially) and in actual facts since the 1970's. The only other time it could have been called an ethnostate during that period would have been under the Petain régime during WW2. As for your notion of "minority"... I'll only consider it If you can give me valid data to prove it and especially a clear definition of who you call "actual French"... Good luck.🙄
As a French person, I officially stamp my seal of approval on this! 🇫🇷🥖
That's a proper seal of approval. Merci infiniment !
Here is one more defining characteristic - elegance. Elegance in manners, dress, etiquette, speech and just about anything that counts.
@@DJ-hf3qq a great thing to aspire to, yes
@@DJ-hf3qq Exactly. Even the cashiers at the supermarket are most of the time very friendly, polite and "elegant". You hardly ever meet one that gives you a feeling of hating the job.
As a frenchman, I can say the video is pretty true. The common consensus is that parisians are snobs, and anglo-saxons are dull. We provide respect if we think you're outside of the consensus. A warm parisian or a quiet american will always get respect.
That's a good observation (and I can certainly vouch for the inaccuracy of some consensus préjugés)
a "quiet" american?
@@iknow2145 He meant discreet.🙃
As a Canadian who lived and worked in Paris for 20 year your video is spot on. I had to expain these points to Canadians many times, good job!
Glad to hear confirmation! It is this whole world under the surface, but a lot of fun to navigate...
When I was in France in 2022, my first visit, I didn’t find anyone to be rude. Everyone was very kind to me.
It would be extremely tough to find everyone being rude. Come back for more visits and each time your appreciation and insight will grow!
@@amusingaida that is my hope and plan
I guess yu didnt take the train where they all look like a hord of cattle pushing each other...lol...
There is a reason. 2022 was just opening up after COVID. Tourism is about 10% of the French economy. Even they understand that when times are tough it's best to be nice.
Brillant. Très bonne explication. God we had so many fights with my spouse at the beginning (I'm the weird French), due to these misunderstandings. I spent ten years trying to explain the devil's advocate concept and had not found a single video about it! Really good contents.
I'm glad I contributed to settling a marital row (I hope!). Cultural misunderstandings are all the more nefarious because they fly below the radar of acquired learning. But hopefully there's some understanding in your home now about the mental duelling involved with conversation...
Likewise, I had a French girlfriend for several years and we fought a lot over stupid stuff like this. I think British and French romantic relationships don't mix very well to be honest, although I've had good French male friends so hope I'm wrong. I'm now with a Latin girl and we never fight. The cultures compliment each other.
@@aldozilli1293ahahah... I totally understand cultural hiccups in a relationship. Even innocuous words or sayings can go off like a grenade...
@@amineouazad886 ha ha. There is a very funny video on line of Marina Rollman who is Swiss talking about this. She describes it as a sort of verbal martial art when French people come together - one of them lances la pique and throws in a controversial statement, then everyone engages in a fierce and angry debate, until… someone announced that the dessert is served and they all go back to being friends 😂😂
@@DJ-hf3qq yeah it s typical french family meeting ^^ we french love to argue especially about political topics.
I had à taiwanese girlfriend ten years ago and she really didnt understand this.
I love your video. You are so accurate about us and that’s amazing because i never thought of some of the things you said because they are obvious to me, but they are not for a foreign visitor. I never thought that much of being polite in any circumstances as a key, even if i use it everyday to calm down rude or irritated people. What you also say about the stores is so relevant. Customer is not a king in France because money is not what matters more, having respect and treating someone as an equal is 😂😂
Thanks - some of this is what strikes me when I'm away from France for a while then return and feel the cultural re-adaptation.
In my experiences it more often feels like the customer is seen below the service worker. This is particularly bad in Paris.
In professional settings I've experienced cases where managers of people higher up the chain won't e-mail colleagues down the chain because they are considered beneath them and thus not worthy of their acknowledgment. Extreme I know and very frustrating, but acceptance and understanding of how things are do help one to integrate.
I’m in Paris right now and I always say Bonjour and Merci plus showing a lot of respect. It gets your far for sure.
Yes, just keep acknowleding the people around you. Human acknowledgement first, then service request after, and Paris unlocks itself to you!
This works in every country, really.
You've definitely captured the spirit of French culture and unwrapped all its little secrets.
Not all the secrets, I'm sure! Hopefully I'll have more to come up with for future videos...
Very true about not losing your temper when arguing with a stranger. The moment you start yelling or using vulgar language, you’ve lost in a lot of French people’s eyes. The idea is not to let someone get away with bad behaviour. Rather, you call them out without stooping to their level. A well placed (and especially witty) remark in formal language will shut someone down much faster than insulting their mother.😅
Absolutely. You obviously have a handle on your Paris interactions.
That is SO true ! 🔥
I just had an argument on social media with someone stating false facts about life in France, yet without ever having been here ... 😅
I just respectfully called out her mistakes and was answer with "BS you Idi0t B*tch !" And more and more insult and denigrating cliches about supposedly life in France... 😅
I just thought "oh OK then , no need to even argue with that person, no good will come of it" and blocked her . 😄
Some of my French friends do this in real life and just give those kind of person the silent treatment because they just lost all worth of being talked to 😅
Same in the UK!
The politeness duel is so cleverly conceived and well shot. I enjoyed the black and white Western movie treatment of the French street. Nicely done!
Thanks! That little scene took a bit of time to produce, but I hope the result was worth it...
@@amusingaida It was! I loved it too :)
Québécois, j'ai vécu en France, à Paris et à Grenoble, presque un an du début au milieu des années 90 et tous ces points étaient déjà valides. Il est assez simple de s'y faire respecter si on les respecte... surtout si on se plait au jeu du débat. :-) Il existe bien sûr un univers dans lequel on connecte immédiatement, surtout entre jeunes, et où le «tu» vient quasi-automatiquement. Il ne faudrait pas penser que le formalisme est immuable. Il s'agit davantage d'être sensible à son environnement, comme partout quand on voyage : écouter, regarder, mimer un peu sans exagérer (ne pas devenir une caricature)... et simplement demander quand on n'est pas certain des limites. Bravo pour ton vidéo.
Valides dans les années 90, valides maintenant je pense. Le respect d'autrui se trouve au coeur de l'expérience !
Bonjour alcibiade , au risque de paraître prétentieux j'aimerais reprendre ta prononciation : ont ne dit pas " j'ai vécu a Paris et a Grenoble " mais " j'ai survécu a Paris et a Grenoble " cette légère nuance fait toute la différence ;)
Mdr wtf 😂 nope "j'ai vécu" est bien mieux. Il essayait de vous faire une blague ici, mais sans savoir si vous l'avez comprise ou non, je préfère vous dire que la manière correcte est bien "j'ai vécu" ^^
"J'ai survécu" sous-entend que vous avez eu une très mauvaise expérience dans ces villes, qui a failli vous tuer
@@shakaponk5609 J'ai adoré les deux villes, vraiment. Pour moi, c'était loin de signifier survivre, même si mon passage à Paris était un peu sans le sou. Je m'y suis fait de bons amis et y ai passé des moments qui font partie de mes meilleurs souvenirs. J'ai voyagé beaucoup, mais entre bien des pays, mes séjours en France furent heureux.
Bonjour, Je ne pensais pas que nos cousins québécois avaient une matière si différente de la notre.
C'est vrai entre jeune on se tutoie naturellement mais personnellement je trouve le "vous" plus élégant. Et ça fait plaisir à ces dames. Je leur de la ma dame et elle me renvoie du jeune homme. Tout le monde sourit, tout le monde est content. Merci de rien. Bonne journée.
In Mexico politeness and friendliness is extremely important!
For instance; In a restaurant when you finish your meal before you leave it is a common practice to tell the people sitting close to you "Buen Provecho" or Enjoy your meal.
Also, in grocery stores elderly people work for free bagging your groceries and it is polite to leave a tip as they do not make an income.
Using formal vocabulary such as "Usted" (Vous) instead of TU (the same in French) is polite when meeting strangers or elderly people to show respect. You must greet people before asking a question and saying thank you is a must or you will be looked at as rude and disrespectful.
Just a little of another culture with very strong values and traditions!
Yes -- I loved my visit to Mexico City, where I found some point in common, and many differences of course, with France. Such a cool place, D.F. (at least the parts I got to see)
Loved this country and its inhabitants...
@@pinkworld9384
I do not think the French politeness can be compare with anyone else's. They are different, and have nothing in common with Hispanic/Latin american culture.
@@PablaMMoore I beg to differ. French here, that is half Portuguese, and I've lived in Spain. For sure French are more formal than other latins, but most is similar. I understand modern Spanish or Portuguese are less formal than they use to be ("usted" or "voce" are not as common). On the contrary Latin American countries have kept this use, which is closer to modern day French. Hence sometime the misunderstanding.
@@PablaMMoore
As an addition to the useful comment above, Mexicans love and respect witty banter. Elegant and witty use of language is regarded as a heightened social tool. Of course, if you’re not fluent in the language, you will never be able to realize this.
The love of language includes playing devil’s advocate and also killing the enemy with politeness. An example of a thing you may see in Mexico is when someone who works in the service industry is very unhelpful , the customer won’t tell them how awful they were but rather will finalize the conversation with a smile by saying “ I owe you all my gratitude for how helpful you’ve been today”.
Neither French nor Mexican would have ever started the sentence the way you did “I don’t think…” No one cares what you think, first you have to make the other person care about what you think, and that is an art. So a French or Mexican would start the sentence with “unless there is more that I don’t know, I don’t see xyz” or would at the very least excuse themselves right off the bat before starting an argument so as to make it great for everyone.
Finesse at the table, on your palate and on your plate is another great similarity between Mexico and France. Two countries with great culinary traditions and finesse in table manners and social culture. We are talking about two of the heightened cultures of our planet.
Great respect for one’s own culture and history and also for each other’s historical heritage, although of course not all countries can boast such rich heritages as Mexico or as France or have been able to withstand the stampede of ignoble values and influence coming from the Unites States with its emphasis on empty consumerism and superficial and many a times unethical values which champion greed over harmony and the individual over the community.
There that is another one for you, Mexico and France both champion the community over the individual. Neither walk around feeling entitled, making noise, speaking loudly at their phones where they bother others like Americans love to do or speak loudly at the table like also Americans love to do so that everybody can hear them. This doesn’t happen in these countries. The basic rules of politeness and privacy apply in every public space be it trains, street, planes, restaurants, etc.
Neither French nor Mexicans like to bother social acquaintances with their personal issues. Never would you hear a neighbor greeting a fellow neighbor asking how they are doing only to hear “I just got diagnosed with prostate cancer.” Unheard of in France and in Mexico. But meet an American for the first time at an airport and inquire why they’re traveling and they’ll answer just that.
The list can continue, but let’s hope you get the point and I leave you with a last but not least which is how well read common Mexicans and common French peoples are about history, politics, philosophy, poetry, cinema, theatre: all types of cultural and historical texts are read and discussed as a normal part of daily interactions at cafe’s, metros, taxi cabs, friends’ tables, etc I would tell you to try it, but you probably aren’t fluent in both French and Spanish.
French and Mexicans are both cultured people of deep roots in social correctness and in the idea of respecting people’s places and hierarchies and there is a long history of affinity between the two countries. So yes, they do share many essential similarities in their way of being polite, in their être so to speak, each of course with their own beautifully particular flavor.
As an aside:
Simply put it’s not possible to group Mexico and Latin American countries all in one entity. It’s a very ignorant stance.
Hi from Australia Aida. I have recently discovered your channel and I have to credit you for the great content, presentation style and camera work! I have recently returned from 2 weeks in Paris and I loved it - I found that most people I met were friendly, helpful, were happy to engage in English after I started with very limited French. Much of what you mentioned in this video now makes alot more sense to me. I hope to return one day to experience more of France. Please please keep to videos coming whether France, Spain, Australia or elsewhere.
I'm chuffed that it'll be useful for your next visit! And yes! More videos will be coming.
That is funny another Aussie here and also just discovered your channel! I agree great content. I too found my experience in Paris was very different to what I had heard. Loved my time in France, will definitely go back.
It's still a bit bewildering to me that visitors can come here expecting to be the brunt of arrogant, snobbish behaviour.... That's not the Paris at all that they find. It's a living city, not a Simpsons stereotype.
Hi, thank you for your videos which are charming and informative. My first visit to Paris next month and I am sure it will be a marvellous adventure. Your Oz video was fair dinkum also.🙂
Many thanks Stephen! I put my effort into the videos (but I guess that's true for every videomaker on RUclips, especially the ones on Paris). Paris is a multifaceted carpet that rolls out in front of you. So many 'alternative realities' to explore, according to what you want from the city. Enjoy your Paris adventure!
A smart, funny, accurate guide to interacting with "The French." Merci et Bravo!
Merci, c'est bien apprécie ! Glad to hear I hit the mark
I wish I knew these things before I went to Paris! Your explanation of personal space is enlightening! Thank you!
Thanks! I hope it'll be handy for your next trip -- because there will be a next trip soon, right?
Edward T. Hall mentions this in some of his books.
@@romain5920 Ah, I didn't know about him, but have just looked him up on Wikipedia, and yeah I see that his theory is all about culturally differentiated personal space, so similar...
I've never laughed so much about the well-known topic of cultural differences. The approach to the subject is original, insightful, and incredibly pertinent. The editing and presentation are equally engaging. I'm definitely subscribing!
🤗from France
Thanks! Very happy to hear that!
There are some really good tips here. Acknowledge people for who they are and be polite. This really is important in France, but isn‘t it everywhere? Good video
Thanks!
This video was a revelation to me. One of my parents was French and the other American, and I live in England. These descriptions of French behaviors and expectations ring true, as I seem to have subconsciously subscribed to every single one of them. I'm slightly more formal and polite (but in a friendly way) than the English, which some people find disconcerting. The English like to bond by agreeing on clichés, but now I understand why I have a reputation for being somewhat argumentative. I would rather have a measured discussion about a 'third rail issue' than talk about the weather. Clearly I'm more French than I had ever realized!
@@heron6462 It's great to have a bicultural upbringing, opening the door to wider understanding and different fallback behaviour. Keep up the argumentative/critical/analytical esprit!
I loved this. It's funny how most of the rules boil down to "have good manners and don't have unrealistic expectations." I live in an extra-rural part of Vermont, USA where it's very normal for businesses to keep unusual hours or be closed for long stretches. Honestly I love it. It reminds me that life isn't about being always online and open and available all the time. It makes many experiences that much more special too when they're not there on-demand 24/7.
Wherever I've traveled, I've found that conveying warmth and good manners (even if it's just with expressions and gestures) goes a LONG way to making up for any language barrier. I get really shy about trying to speak another language, because I'm afraid to insult someone by making a mistake, but I eventually realized that just makes me come off as cold, even arrogant or entitled. I would never ever think less of someone who doesn't speak English as their first language speaking it to me, and I try to remember that most people are the same way. Making a genuine effort to acknowledge and connect that shows respect and openness, is much much more important than perfect grammar. Be brave enough to set aside your self-consciousness so you can just be present with that other person. Even if you're just ordering a coffee lol.
A smile/slight bow with a hand over the heart is a good standby to convey goodbye/thanks/appreciation if you're in a context where you're not sure if you're supposed to shake hands, hug, kiss, etc. (Or just follow their lead, although this can be a bit tricky in real time, and also because sometimes the rules are different for men/women, guest/host etc.) In addition to the usual politenesses of thank you, hello, goodbye etc., I also highly recommend learning how to say some versions of "your English is better than my [French, Spanish, etc.]" in the language of the country you're visiting. A compliment with a little humor is helpful when you want to thank and acknowledge the other person crossing the language barrier on your behalf.
It sounds like you're approaching all interactions everywhere with good faith and a good heart. Misunderstandings are normal, perhaps avoidable, but in the end it's the spirit that is conveyed that proves the most persuasive, I think
@@amusingaida yes, I think that's very true. Warmth and kindness is largely a universal language. Merci beaucoup pour votre réponse aimable. :)
For well over 30 years that I've been traveling to France and knowing French people, my experiences have been overwhelming positive. However, there a have also been a few albeit rare times when I experienced some really nasty behavior. Living in the US all my life, I have also experienced and occasionally still do encounter some unpleasant people. Overall, France and the French are amazing.
Yeah, unfortunately just about everyone here is going to say they found unpleasant behaviour in France... and in any other country they have spent extensive time in. The range of people you get, I guess. But a positive outlook and a brain that lets you immediately forget the unpleasant ones are my little secrets!
@@amusingaida But if people are honest, they could probably say the same thing about the city they live in. Actually, I know quite a few people who traveled to France and did not encounter negative behavior. Honestly, I found in France people to be kind for the most part.
yes, and let's let them stay so not migrating there
@@amusingaida hmm.., but have you not even noticed that French from one part of France, even dislike those from another? "Plouc du nord" for example? And no one really likes the parisiennes when they holiday in other parts of France.
The départemental codes on number plates helps amplify this.
@@Madoldcatlady I have never, ever heard anyone denigrate les gens de Lille or elsewhere in the north as des 'ploucs'. Maybe I've had a very sheltered experience in my travels. As for the animosity towards Parisiennes.... again, I've actually never encountered that. I understand that there is an initial wariness, seemingly based on stereotypes and préjugés, but in face-to-face interactions it's not a thing. Yes, there are the départemental codes on number plates... but many Parisians don't own a car, and simply rent one when they need to (and those number plates almost never have 75 on them anyway)...
I like the explanation of "personal space" here. :)
Thanks !
Absolutely love your videos - and your elegance
Lovely message -- thank you for the very kind comment. Elegant? I don't know (I have been known to spill coffee on me!)
Love, love, love - All of it. Just moved back to Paris after 22 years of living in the American midwest. Needless to say I've completely forgotten how things work. I've been struggling to figure out how to put into words *the rules* of social interactions here. Not to mention sidewalk etiquette; it's been one my toughest ones to crack. So this video brings sense to a lot these questions, and with style on top it! Bravo madame et merci à vous.
Wow, 22 years in the Midwest. That must mean quite a shift back to Paris. And yes, sidewalk ettiquette often feels like sauve qui peut....
This is quite good, and helpful. More real insight like this would be great. And as good as the specific points you make, what's even better is the whole approach of trying to understand the perspective of other cultures when we encounter them, rather than just "judging" from our own viewpoint. Thank you.
Thanks! I'm probably as guilty as the next person about rushing to judgment at times, but I do think trying to understand other perspectives is key.
I really love your videos, thank you for taking the time to make them.
Thanks Liraz, glad you enjoy them. I'm working on my latest one...
Thank you very much for this awesome video. I'm sure there was a lot of work to make these explanations so easy to understand, and really funny. Congrats!
Thank you for such a kind and generous comment, which makes all that work feel worthwhile!
As a Frenchman I can say that you've captured the French essence perfectly, and I'd even go further and say that you've explained things that we wouldn't be able to. Félicitations !
@@louis_saint_rose Merci ! J'ai fait de mon mieux - et j'espère avoir présenté des faits d'une manière qui pourrait servir des visiteurs !
I am pretty impressed by your excellent knowledge of French psychology of relationships !
If I should give my 2 advices, they would be :
- try to speak some French, even basic, but with an effort about pronounciation (for instance in a bakery we say "croissant" not "croissante"), this is much appreciated
- always keep in mind that in France money does NOT buy everything, so you have to respect the waiters and salespersons even if you have 1000 x more money than them, and you will always get a much better service and experience if you are kind and respectfull than if you just show you have a huge budget.
Thank you, your comment is most appreciated... and I'm sure your tips will prove valuable to visitors!
Plein de bonne énergies a tous ! Super video ! KISS FROM PARIS 🇫🇷 🇫🇷 🇫🇷
Merci ZEN7 !
My new favorite channel on French culture! What a delightful and enlightening lady! Thank you for your insights and humor, from an American occasionally in Paris.
Thank you, that's very kind. I'll do my best to keep up those standards in coming videos.
About level 2 interactions, yes, we love arguying. It can get heated but we know there are no hard feelings at the end. And you're right, we sometimes argue just for the sake of arguying. We love witty spirits. It is a mix of using reasonable arguments, a showcase of our knowledge of a topic (a bit of pedantry), and the mastering of rethorics.
I'm glad you agree! France is a gym for intellectual discussions: a place to build mental muscles, and also with a bit of posing going on...
Yes, but its not everyone's cup of tea! Ce nest pas toujours ma tasse de thé!
Yes, as an American who follows (and loves to spar about) politics closely, from experience in living there, the French are not only MUCH more well-informed than Americans in general, but can 'discuss', even yell about politics or any other issue, but it's all water under the bridge as the conversation turns.
Whereas in America, such heated 'arguments' would cause people to lose friends and family members immediately.
What was once considered 'rugged individualism' has become borderline blanket narcissism in America.
"There's no I in TEAM, but there's an M and an E because it's all about 'ME'!"
I used to travel back and forth from France and the U.S. quite a bit, sometimes a year, a few months or a few weeks, but regardless the thing I noticed the most EVERY time I came back to the U.S., as soon as I got off the plane, was how much Americans complain. About EVERYTHING. As though they look for imperfections with a subconscious effort, and when found, take it as a personal affront to their very identity, and want people to 'pay' or be punished somehow for their even most mild inconvenience.
Belle analyse et un montage vidéo très sympa, bravo !
Merci !
I'm a Canadian who has lived in France for 16 years, and she's got it absolutely right.
Thank you for the thumb's up on this little video!
Great video! your content is outstanding and so different from everything else out there! I love the topics and how well spoken you are & present the info!
That truly makes me happy to hear that. I make content that I would like to see on RUclips, but can't easily find.
Thank you for a very good explanation!
Thank you!
I'm French and that's the most accurate understanding of our behavior i've ever seen in this kind of videos, good job!
Thank you! For the comment, and for backing up some of the pointers in the video.
@@amusingaida you're more than welcome, you really seem to have adjusted and understood France well. I could show you some hidden gems in Paris i you're interested
@@mita-dt3lk Thanks for the offer. I actually know Paris quite well myself -- and I'm saving the secret gems for a Secret Gems video
It seems kind of sensible in France. As a cabbie in UK I feel British people can not respect my workspace enough. Its kind of the Robert De Niro "are you talking to me" kind of thing. I always have that thing of respecting other people's spaces whether its their home or their workplace. Its a good thing to not make assumptions - I think the French get that. You yourself do look quite French and quite elegant and I am sure the French will welcome you. One day I will visit Paris, I already love the place even though I've never been.
Glad to hear you're a De Niro fan too - and thanks for the compliments... I think my compatriots have already welcomed me. In any case I'm having a ball.
I don't know why this was recommended to me today, maybe because I'm currently learning French, but I have to say this painted a beautiful picture of the country that I really liked and you're an amazing presenter and actress! Subscribed.
That's a wonderful bit of feedback -- thanks! I don't know how RUclips recommends videos, but I'm glad this one found its way to you
The 15' late arrival for dinner is... Politeness. In case your host is late preparing 😉
Try telling that to the Dutch. Or if it's at a restaurant where you won't be seated unless everyone's there!
@@amusingaida It is so true (for the 15') that in the south west we call it "le quart d'heure aquitain". And it saved our lives (preparing perfect dinner is important here as you know) many times when our guests came up with that delay (dunno if it's the correct word but you sure get it).
@@gerardsoler1713 tout à fait, pour un dîner à la maison... un délai de 15 minutes est apprécié !
@@gerardsoler1713 à Lyon, c’est le quart d’heure lyonnais ! 🤣
@@olivierc4706 pour le quart d'heure Marseillais c'est deux heures de retard , encore une référence a la relativité du temps suivant les régions
I enjoyed your video.
I lived in France some time ago for six years and I agree with you.
Politeness in France is very important and I like it.
Glad to hear that! And that you're signed on to French politesse
This is fantastic content! I have traveled to Paris several times, and I have also traveled to other areas in France at different times over many years, where English is spoken less. When I open my mouth, they know an American English accent, even if I speak in French. And I always know when French people are bracing for, and expecting stereotypical American behavior. I start by not assuming they speak English. That is a big one I think. I will apologize for my accent and mistakes in advance since I am only about A2/B1, but they are disarmed and surprised when they can tell how polite and respectful I attempt to be.
It's great that you are so engaged with French, and the French. Tbh, part of the joy of Paris is the mix of accents. And I'm happy my video brought some informative insight too!
@DixieC-vj2sg Thanks.
Thanks. I am not fooled and not being overly-apologetic. I have lived a pretty long time, and I have lived all over America, from the South, to the Midwest, to the Northeast, and I know my people. Heck, many of my fellow Americans aren't even nice to one another here in this country. These days, some don't try for good social interactions, grace for mistakes, or misunderstandings, and kindness when interacting in this country in restaurants, grocery stores, parking lots and public places. So yeah, I hear you, many are nice, but.... Second, I have traveled abroad for 30 years to many countries all over Europe and some in South America. I see and hear my fellow Americans--not all, but some--in restaurants and hotels, and I shake my head at the interactions I hear. And you are right about some Europeans: I have had racist comments hurled at me by French-speaking people, and others insult my attempt to be nice, and speak their language, but what can you do. People are people all over the world. But still, I know when, for example, I have walked into a shop in America, France, Canada, Switzerland, Germany, the UK, Peru, or in any of the other countries to which I traveled, I treat it like I am entering someone else's office at work or someone else's home. Nice and respectful, and I get a good response.
Enfin quelqu’un qui nous comprend 😊 Sincèrement merci pour votre vidéo 🥰❤️
Merci ! Contente de lire ceci !
Being French, that's one of the most accurate representation and I'm glad I can share it with my non-French relatives to fit in smoothly
That is a great retour sur cette vidéo. Merci !
That was interesting and informative, thank you.
Glad it had value for you!
For the beret, it is true that it can seem outdated. But be careful, it still remains popular in the South-West of France where it was born, I see a lot of people wearing it, even young people in Bordeaux, Toulouse and Bayonne. And this is even more true in medium-sized towns and villages.
That was my shorthand to let some visitors to know not to take their cues from Emily in Paris... I have (occasionally) seen French people with a beret, but not often...
@@amusingaida depends on the color...a black "béret basque" is quite outdated for a man ( my grand father used to wear one all day long). But a red one can suit for a young woman...
Beret ended to be worn in France basically after WW2. The frenchie with a beret, a baguette under the arm and a bottle of wine in hand is a caricature. So it may be regarded as a mockery.
@@francoislambert4739 C'est vrai que les miliciens - la Milice fasciste, qui arrêtait et torturait les résistants, portaient un béret, ce qui a dû jouer en défaveur du port du béret à la Libération. Néanmoins mon grand-père tout ce qu'il y a de plus hostile aux miliciens, en portait un ( mon père préférait les casquettes : tous deux avaient le crâne très dégarni et risquaient des coups de soleil). Le béret était pratique et se rangeait dans la poche en le pliant. Après cette guerre, la mode vestimentaire a changé, les prénoms aussi.
La caricature, c'est Superdupont...
@@francoislambert4739 a bottle of whine might be a truism for France!
Excellent analysis. Toutes mes félicitations, chère madame.
Mais merci Monsieur (ou Madame ?)
In other words : no need to be rude to be efficient.
Great work. I am French, and I approve this message. I remember my best friend (American) who came to France for his studies, and he was deeply disturbed by the locals' relationship with time. Being a stickler for punctuality myself, I didn't feel judged, and being used to it I can't say I mind very much, but hey, what's the use of giving a time if it is ultimately left to everyone appreciation?
Wherever you go, even for a few days, learning the basic 4 (hello/goodbye/please/thank you) will go a long way.
The debate bit is oddly accurate, we love a sparring partner!
I'd also add that the French show much respect for anyone with some general knowledge of history, what we call "culture générale". And as stereotypes go, we tend to see any incoming American as a bonified creationist/flatearther/antivaxxer.. etc, who's never read a book and who thinks the Las Vegas Eiffel tower is the original. We're happy to be proved wrong though!
You're French with excellent English! Thanks for the comment, it means a lot! Especially the validation of verbal sparring partners. I don't know about reflexive stereotyping though...
Your content is really excellent ! Love the quick stare after the Italian/French wine debate 😂😊❤!!!
Ha! You noticed that!
There’s no comparison, is there! I love French wine 🍷 😍🎉!!!
I have not seen a more accurate explanation of the French mindset and mentality when it comes to their interractions with people. Every American that plans to visit France should watch this video to understand the cultural differences. As a French man living in the Us, I can say that your analysis of the French people is 100% true! Bravo!
That's a wonderful endorsement -- thank you very much!
Brilliant analysis! I wish I could have known that before I studied there in the 1980s! I think I figured much of it out. Still, as a North American (not from the States!) I had a hard time with people getting annoyed because their chatting was interrupted by their work! Not just in the service industry. I visited friends at a radio station (during working hours, upon their invitation) and they got visibly and audibly annoyed when they had to momentarily set our conversation aside to deal with work. I was shocked!
It might just be me, but in the workplace I also give priority to, well, work. But I understand there can be different approaches, perhaps contingent on the investment one has in the job.
Absolutely brilliant! I've even learned a couple of things!
Great! Happy to have helped!
As a french man i must say
You, my Lady, have completly earn my respect.
High praise indeed! Thanks!
Basic courtesy. Here in US, rudeness taken for granted 🤷🏿♀️. Thx!
When I was lucky enough to spend some extended periods of time in Paris, whenever I was on the metro and heard loud people, it was always American tourists. I felt the greatest compliment one day when I was standing on the corner by the Opera Garnier, and some local Parisian started speaking French to me, and I responded with the only French I knew. “I’m sorry I don’t understand, do you speak English?” They then said “oh la la I thought you were Parisian!” 😅 Great video!
There is a tendency there, sure. But just as Americans shouldn't believe the stereotypes too often trafficked about on the French, we shouldn't assume all the stereotypes about Americans stand up all the time...
😅 I suppose you’re right! bringing the French wisdom. Very much looking forward to being in Paris in September!
100% !!! I’ve never experienced rude behavior from the French - even in Paris.
That is extremely rare
You are lucky 😮
This is TOO funny and spot on!! Been here for years and totally agree! A must send to my sister before her next visit. Keep up the good research👍
That's great -- yes, do share it if you think it would some visitors look past that old "all French are rude" stereotype....
Bonjour et merci (see, I was paying attention 🙂). I so enjoy your topical, humorous and intelligent videos. When entering a small shop (or anywhere) is it still okay to say, "Messieurs, dames, bonjour!"?
Absolutely. To be encouraged. Of course, if it's a funky café with good tunes and a hipster vibe, 'bonjour' would be enough
Most of the times, only elderly say "Messieurs, Dames" when entering a public place or waiting room to say "Hi".
OMG! ... the waiter representations skit, LOL - fabulous! You're a real talent !!
Merci ! Skits -- maybe I should do some more? I do enjoy making them...
Great video. Being English I was prepared to be rolling my eyes, but I found this very insightful and educational. I particularly liked 'Considering the fragility of existence, a coffe perhaps?'. How French!
By the way, where are you from? Are you French or have you just lived in France for a long time? Your English is so good I couldn't really tell.
Thanks for writing the kind words - making it I was very determined to not just regurgitate platitudes and hollow 'tips', I really did want to get deeper with the subject. Otherwise where's the value?
(As for your last question, yes I'm French, but yes, also from a non-native path, which I find invaluable for being inside the tent but also able to see France the way an outsider might.)
@@amusingaida Oh right, that explains why your observations are so good. I'll watchout for your other videos.👍
@@amusingaidaI am surprised that you are French because the way you write sometimes sounds quite English. No offense. 🥰
Haha... I did two university degrees in English and before my little jump into RUclipsism I worked in international organizations where English was the lingua franca. And I've lived in various non-francophone countries. I think my English these days is better than my French....
@@amusingaida I suspected that you had spent a lot of time outside France. 😁
Very well produced video, almost like a movie! Also, Aida looks very elegant.
Wow, that is some high praise! Thank you!
This video is suprisingly accurate. Well done, you understand us perfectly. The tip about talking too loudly should be explained to every american tourist, might be also useful if tou travel in germany.
Glad the video info hit the spot
As an American, I wish someone would explain not talking loudly (screaming on your phone, using speaker phone in public, playing videos on speaker in public) to the entire country. It's such a relief to go to France and be surrounded by good manners.
@@kriserts I have noticed, frequently, that certain nationalities have no qualms about putting videos or music or calls on speaker phones even when surrounded by people. Annoying? Sure. But it also make me wonder how our social codes are so different....
@@amusingaida probably got to do with city size and commuting time
@@turnipsociety706 Factors that weigh, yeah, I guess... but in terms of speaking volume in public places?
Aida, je viens de passer le meilleur petit quart-d'heure en suivant vos observations et jouissant de votre humour. Meme le toutou est tellement poli! Pas francaise, mais ancienne élève d'un lycée francais à l'étranger
Alexandra, je suis contente de lire ceci ! Merci pour le commentaire !
I just found your video and I'm struck by the intelligence and perception of it! When you mentioned the word 'refinement', I was instantly struck by the realization that it doesn't exist here in the USA. We're not refined at all.
Great info. Thanks
Most kind your words (about my video anyway -- as to refinement in the US, I wouldn't dare offer any opinion of real life there, though I must say I do appreciate some of the TV streaming shows)
It really depends and it's never a good idea to make sweeping generalizations.
I am American...my mother raised me to be quite refined, although she never used that word...by the way, she is French
C'est une perception. Une opinion. En fait tout est une question d'opinion dans cette vidéo, basée sur une perception particulière. Nous ne sommes pas réellement un peuple raffiné. Il faut vraiment mal nous connaitre. Oui les parisiens sont particulièrement rudes. Et répondre de manière polie à quelqu'un qui s'énerve peut souvent être perçu comme une provocation. De surcroit les Français ne sont pas une entité monolithique, c'est certes un petit pays mais avec beaucoup de régions, qui il y a encore peu, ne parlait pas ou prou Français, et avec des mentalités très différentes selon les régions. Il y a une très grande différence de comportement entre, disons, le nord-Est de la France avec une mentalité de type "allemande" et le sud-Ouest de type espagnole. Je schématise bien sur. Mais c'est un peu ca.
5:46 You don't always need to ask. It depends on how confident are in the interaction, social skills, etc.
You don't have to be polite for people to respect you, dropping the politeness also shows confience.
You can often just switch without warning, or just tell the other other that you're switching or that they should address you using "tu".
And it also depends on the social circle and the generation of the person.
For very many people of my generation, you can straight up start with "tu" and they won't bat an eye, some of the older generations might have a slight issue with that sometimes.
In some contexts, I also use tutoiement as a first interaction with a stranger, regardless of age.
It's not an exact science, many things can work :P
Vous avez (tu as) totalement raison... pour les Français. But for me I was just trying to guide visitors a little bit (those speaking French) on perhaps how better to navigate the vous/tu terrain. Actually, it's a puzzle for me even now which form to use in French in RUclips comments (my instinct is to judge by age -- but that's impossible).
Pas mal ! Finement observé et jamais entendu cela !
Merci ! Ca fait du bien de l'entendre
That was very informative. Being polite for somebody with well manners comes across as someone that’s quite wealthy so even if you’re poor and you have very good manners, seems to me you bestow a wealthy look.
It's called class, nothing to do with monetary wealth.
i don’t agree with the situation if someone is rude, stay polite. if someone who is not polite (french or non-french) towards you, that person should be corrected in a good way, never pass that kind of behavior otherwise it will be normalized. we are all human beings after all. but love the tips! 😊
But that's the cultural quandry, isn't it? What one person on one side of the Atlantic might consider rude, another on the other side doesn't see it that way. "Normalized" is a loaded term when talking about different peoples, different countries -- hell, even different regions within a country.
French people don’t respect you if you act like a doormat.
Hello, I'd like to add that our politeness can be a proper and intentional reply to rudeness. Basically means that staying polite in front of rudeness is a very strong way to show to the indisposed quarreler our superiority. Hence, it's even more hurtful to one's ego to get that kind of treatment instead of being simply assaulted with bad words.
I think this subject can go way wider and it's, indeed, a very interesting one. A good start can be the réflexion proposed by Bourdieu about "capital social". In France, the social capital (including everything that this video talks about) is way more important than your concrete revenue, property, car and anything you hold. It's an evidence for any french in the very upper class and what we call "cadres" (dunno the english equivalent for that). Not so for les "nouveaux-riches" though.
However, of course, there is the "below class" and outsiders as well, quite many in fact in France. Foreigners usually don't get to know that kind of person so much because that kind are prolly not so open to tourists by themselves (and for the "below class", not so confident about speaking in english). Their culture is more straightforward and less alambiquous. For my experience, they are the most reliable type of french people as well, usually.
Unfortunately, I rarely experienced foreigners (even long-term ones) interested on that kind of people, I feel a lot because they don't correspond to clichés about how a french pal is and behave.
Small note: don't try to act "in a good way" to an unpolite french. You will be seen as someone with a "balai dans le cul" - mostly if you're young. Social justice doesn't work very much here if I extrapole the idea.
@@satorikomeiji8348 and if you see politesse as armor?
What an informative and enjoyable video! Thank you
Thanks for taking the time to write the feedback
Not bad. Two more simple things about timings. (1) in services: if you have come from the UK or the US, you will be surprised that banks, post offices etc, have a long break in the middle of the day. But then, they stay open late, too. Can't go to a bank at 2pm, but you can at 6pm. (2)when it comes to important things, there will be alternatives. Pharmacies open at night or have a "garde" cover round arranged, so they'll display where you can go. Don't loose your temper, it will slow you down, but don't give up if you / your kid needs medical help, people will understand and the support will be there.
All good tips!
love you and your channel. you present well. very well. great style.
Thanks - most kind!
I was in Cassise years ago and was looking for a public washrom I was told was in a particular direction. I mistakenly said "excuse me , where is the toilet near here?"in French to a woman working in a kiosk. She glarared at me and said "BONJOUR" very loudly. I apologised and repeated my question with Bonjour first. She just waved me away and wouldn't tell me that the washroom was just beside her kiosk. I will never forget that horrible experience. I never forgot to start with Bonjour again.
It's almost a rigid protocol with some people -- but also a passive-aggressive tool to insult others while claiming a supposed high ground
@@amusingaida Finement observé !
Formal politeness between strangers is often a power play in France, a way to assert dominance and claim (social*) status.
There is actually a latent hostility towards English speakers in provincial France for historical reasons, especially towards American citizens who are seen as loud, vulgar and uncultured.
* Everything is social in France.
@@anthony8041 Bien dit !
@@TheSwimmom1 To be honest we do like a Bonjour but the overwhelming majority of us would have helped you the first time, she either thought you wanted to use her toilet or was already in a bad mood aha
@@Hoera290 Please don't get me wrong. She was the only rude person we encountered in France in the 3 trips we had. I just meant to say that as a result I never made that mistake again, French people are lovely and we all have a few of those people in our own home towns.
Love your videos! Thank you
Thanks - so glad you enjoy them!
I'm french, I can definitely tell that you know my country well ...why wouldn't you try to make content in french speaking about how to behave in some other countries ...because there is I think stuff that french people don't really understand about outside cultures, because who wants to tell the french about those ? 😊
Well, je te remercie, J'ai fait de mon mieux ! At the moment, though, I'm having fun explaining France to the world. Doing the inverse would make people think I want to take over from Bernard-Henri Lévy!
@@amusingaida Hahaha félicitation votre réponse est typiquement française , vous vous étes parfaitement acclimaté a la finesse et l’élégance verbal du pays
Very accurate imo. It s actually amasing how you do understand things accurately
Thank you, that is truly well appreciated as a comment
Ça m'a trop fait rire le duel de politesse haha Avec une réponse plein de sous-entendus c'est exactement comme ça qu'on peut remettre parfaitement à sa place une personne qui a eu un comportement inapproprié, car elle s'attendrait à ce qu'on se soit abaissé à son niveau, c'est-à-dire être explicitement impoli.
C'est exact ! De toute façon, ça c'est ma tactique...
I am impressed by how accurate you are. I could not have described the culture of my country the way you do it.
Merci -- ça me touche !
I don't understand the issue with wearing a bérêt? I wear one in Montreal in the fall and winter, it's just a hat to keep my head warm... Should I not wear it when in Paris? I mean of course, I'm not planning to wear it with a marinière and to walk around with a baguette under my arm at all times... That would be ridiculous:D
Wear what makes you comfortable, and wear it with confidence. That pointer in my video speaks to the sort of cosplay you see in Paris these days, where some visitors seem to be taking inspiration from a certain Emily in Paris. In the end, you own your style (and shouldn't let some Netflix trend dictate what you wear), just be aware though that for Parisians these days it can be a bit of a signifier...
From the french point of view, it is considered as 'you see, I am french like you because I wear a beret', even if it's not ...I'm french, here we are taught in early years that you can't use one's characterisitics (like clothes) until you have sufficient knowlegde of what's in one's mind ...😉😉
If you're wearing a beret, by all means, carry a baguette.
🙃
Thank you for this very elegant video, which gives a very touching image of France. The most pertinent and amusing point is clearly the one about politeness.
I myself am more French than the French on this point, probably partly because of my youthful fascination with the Japanese, who add body bows to verbal politeness. I remember that when I was a supervisor in a secondary/primary school, my tendency to bow ended up being mimicked by the younger children, and a few of the girls would sometimes overdo it with real curtsies when they saw me, and their buddies would end up playing doorman and exclaiming “après vous, madame”, even when there was no door in sight. It was really cute.
It wasn't mockery; I think the excesses of gesture had ended up making the politeness very theatrical, and therefore in a way almost amusing, less boring for them.
Anyway, just a good memory that your video reminded me of.
Thanks again for the lovely work.
Take Care.
That's a lovely memory. And I think there is a reflection between Japanese courtesy and French codes (even if some are more imagined than real).
When I finally get to France I will be rembering all of your sage advice. I am always (well almost always) polite, so I should be fine interacting with people. I will work on using politeness an offensive weapon, it sounds like a useful skill.
I've found it to be most useful. A social game, if you will.
Very useful. Everyone knows that it is ironic and insincere but it does follow good form.
You got great humor, i like 👍
Thanks!
Thanks so much for this video. French culture is strongly empowering. The country really acts more as a collective. It is a nation that does respect intellectualism and there’s nothing wrong with that. It embraces all and those who claim its rude oftentimes have personal issues that need to be resolved. What other nation calls for such unity as “Liberté. Égalité. Fraternité.”
Also Paris is a globalist city it is full of common characteristics, you would find in any major globalist cities, such as London, Tokyo, New York City, and so on. To me all these cities have profound rudest no where else in the world.
France is so rich and has so many amazing cultures and cities beyond Paris. They each have unique charm not found anywhere else in the world.
Vive La France! 🇫🇷
I'd like to agree with you, as a generalisation. And I do think that Paris is a globalist city. But I think that, socially and poltically, the argument that France acts and thinks collectively is blowing apart. As a Française, I see a wide gap between the urban part of France, and the rural part. And I'm not sure how that will ever be bridged, at least on a political level.
@@amusingaida I understand your perspective.
I visited France, including Paris, Lille, and Lyon, and found a strong sense of unity and solidarity. Unlike the U.S., where cities can feel vastly different due to varied state laws, France offers a consistent and cohesive experience. Post-COVID, people globally turned to conservatism or radical change to cope. As life returns to normal, I hope France continues to cherish its cultural roots and national unity. France is a truly inspiring country unlike anything else in the world. Vive La France 🇫🇷
@@amusingaida People depend on the state not on each other ; that is really sad . I've been a single woman all my life and I do get taken advantage of but of late here it's just gone ballistic. I'm not sure about the respect for intellectuals if you live in a rural setting; people are quite afraid of this.
@@jaydeasterThe USA is a big continental country while France is smaller than Sichuan province in China so centralization and cohesion is easier
I’ve been teaching these things to all my students since 1964. It works like a charm. I am a French teacher. I have been living in, studying in and visiting France since 1957. My partner is a Frenchman.
For the past 60 years? Wow... I should have taken your course notes to flesh it out further...
I am Spanish and I have been several times in France and I loved it. They are proud of what they are. And being a farmer I admire them. They appreciate any profession any craft!. You go there and you feel that you can be any menial job and get respect. Waiters are profesionals. In my youth days I worked in England in a posh restaurant with many French, I had not idea of waiting and instead of looking me down they helped out and welcomed me. Obviously as any country they may have ups and downs as any but they are an important culture.
That's some lovely insight there, and I'm happy to hear you were treated with kindness by French waiters as you learned the profession
Excellent description! You nailed it.
Thanks!
As a French not questionning myself about our psychology, I would only say « très bien vu »
Merci - ça veut dire que j'ai visé juste ?
I think he meant that he did not think about it (french psychology) , but he agree with you when you say it (not sure if i am clear)
Wonderful list and it should apply to not just France, but wherever one travels to and be mindful at all time.
Important point : when your "professional partner" is on vacations, or your café or anything else, we can't choose another employee or something like that : it is not really about money for us, it is because the work of a person has to be respected and noone could do the exact same work. It could be insulting for some of us (the "rule" is the basic but individually we are all different so it depends of course). Especially when we talk about food... the chef is THE chef, it's his kitchen etc. You can extrapolate this idea, it's not really a matter of money for us (but as a foreigner of course it could be really disturbing I totally understand)
Agreed, that's a good point, and underlines how there is personal investment in many French establishments that goes well beyond return on investment or revenue/cost ratios....
Whaow ! Excellente analyse.
Merci !
Very insightful
Thank you!
Very well explained .Thank you.
Thanks - especially for taking the time to give feedback
Well being polite with a person who is not, is a strategy that works only if the person has the right level to understand what it means.
👏🏿
Absolutely and definitively a brilliant and funny video ! (The "duel" scene is really excellent...) In France we NEVER give a kiss ON the cheeks but always "in the void" ! In fact we only touch the cheeks of the person we're kissing, and the kiss passes over their shoulder. Your French is really good and you FINALLY pronounce our "R" perfectly and without rolling it ! (Like a German, an Arab or a Spanish would do, but with the tongue completely still and flat in the mouth, the tip touching the lower teeth...) So, congratulations for your very good advice... and your beautiful smile !😍 👍
Thank you, especially on the duel scene, which took a bit of filming. And on the R pronunciation.
1. Don't assume to have a conversation in anlgo-saxon.
2. Don't assume other cultures are just like anglo-saxon.
Voilà.
C'est pourtant simple!
@BidouLaloge not all Anglo-Saxon cultures are the same, they widely vary.
Widely and wildly. Even within England alone, the North and South are like different countries.
I found this really illuminating. And it makes me want to go to France again.
That's wonderful to hear. And I hope you do get another visit in soon!