That's how i discovered the first narc in my life. He was a friend i had known for 15yrs and frequently hung out with. He was a covered narc so it was way too late when i noticed something was way off. Shortly after becoming aware, anxiety attacks started, eating/sleeping disorder, feelings of estrangement. There were many others but he was covertly the most brutal in terms of abuse.
Exactly. To hate someone is to say there are feelings for them even if those feelings are negative. I don't care is their mantra when it comes to their partner, so turn it around. Smarts going their way
I honestly thought that too, this is my 1st and last ending to a relationship with a Narcissist. I am in active recovery right now!!!, I've never met or got involved with any devil like this and it is Mind Blowing. I went No contact, and he is behaving as if I horrifically did something to him. I'm grateful his Evil shined through, makes me not regret. Cutting IT/THE DEVIL Out my life.💪🏽
The way I "got revenge" on my ex narcissist was just being myself. He never really liked me for me, just how I looked and how chill and cool I was , where I didn't make a big deal of his dumb behavior. ... Well he drove that cool chillness out of me after 4 years and I am not like that anymore . We work at the same place, I moved out while he was at work. Then I stopped using hair extensions, makeup, trendy clothes. I started reading scripture and dressing modestly, covering my hair even sometimes. He has to see me everyday and I can see he is like embarrassed or like really put off that I look natural and not necessarily pretty, or that I use my natural deep voice at him instead of the fun flirty one I had when we were dating. He always acts sad around me because I think he thinks I let myself go. No, I am just happy being me and I don't care about impressing anyone... Not like him at all.
As long as you did that for you. Screw that i don't even go out. N i want my hair nails lashes n lip gloss FOR ME. Please screw him. If u r good then great. But even when you are not gonna do it up cause its Driving them crazy is still doing it for them. How about your health change that for u. How bout change job postions . How does that feel. If u cant because they don't see u. Then think about ur motivation
I love it! Every bit of it. There’s a covert narc dude at my job whom I think is obsessed at this point bc I could sneeze and he has something to say. Anyhow he said something abt my voice soundin weak, or being weak blah or dull in my expressions bc he’s used to toxic, masculine women like I even care. Some smh lookin dude at tht. At first I was slightly offended than I laughed it off like oh really? But all of y’all come to me with questions about everything but am the duh one? Oka na. So I purposely speak more slower when I talk to him. I put in no efforts whatsoever and try to sound as wack as possible when tht person is around. The other day he asked wat I do for fun bc I sound boring like someone who stays home all the time. And I gladly said I’m absolutely boring and do absolutely nothin and stays home all the time bc I don’t give no effs. He got super quiet and never said a word after tht. They realized how insignificant they are to you once you don’t take the bait. Whatever shame they were trying to project onto you, stays with them once you don’t give them the reaction they were hoping for The other day before leaving work, this meh person came up kept shouting my name to let me know he’s leaving. Like wat tht gotta do with me. Jst leave So you’re 💯 right be exactly everythin they tried to criticize you for because they don’t matter. Wat I learned more importantly is to establish boundaries because I made this person too comfortable to say and do the things he did. Tht has ended
Sister, if I could post ur comment on a billboard in the middle of the world I would do so!! All these ppl watching these videos on "how to win a narcissist over" or "how to beat a narcissist at their own game"...etc etc...(becuz their r thousands) when the answer is far less complex and actually simple! JUST BE YOUR AUTHENTIC SELF! As women, we tend to play roles. We play whatever roles our partners r happy with. 10 times out of 10 its never whom we really r inside or out! So u wanna beat a narcissist at their own game?? QUIT playing the damn game! Boom problem solved! I did exactly this by pure exhaustion! To tired to use that small high pitched voice, to tired to make him feel good about every fk up he made, to tired to lay down and play victim and cry just so they felt empowered. I just went back to the basics of my life. Thats exactly when my life changed for the complete better!
I dated a narcissist and I learned that you can't reason with the unreasonable. When I realized that he never ever admitted to being wrong even when his wrong doing was right there in front of everybody, i knew it was time to let go. He would change my words around and make all of his family and friends think that i was this bad person. I got to the point where i didn't care what they thought and that they was just his flying monkeys.
Its not about hurting them its about realizing we let them deplete us of our precious time and energy. Thats about US saying no. My life is precious. My energy is precious and my time is limited.
Hardest break ( from a loved family member) I ever had to make was when I remembered, having forgotten for years, the my value was never based on her ability to recognize my worth. It was The turning point .
@@johntuohy1867 Yes its a very sad thing when a very close family member chooses not to recognize your worth. I believe they choose to do this because they feel and know they cannot return what they receive.
I totally did that, I broke up with him and I'm disgusted to know that I gave him what he didn't deserve. I'm moving on and learning to create healthy boundaries.👍🏼💗
We all feel frustrated with ourselves for letting these people in but we were lied to and manipulated and we must practice self compassion. You are not alone and you are strong!
I put up with obvious episodes of textbook emotional abuse for some months because I convinced myself they didn’t know what they were doing. Looking back I can’t believe I did that!!! I was even predicting exactly what they would do!
The most effective way to hurt a narcissist is to stop caring. Say things like, "I know that comment was supposed to hurt me, but it didn't work because I can't dredge up enough emotion for you to care what you think of me." When they see that their behavior no longer causes you to become upset, it drives them crazy! If it's not possible to completely distance yourself (maybe it's an ex spouse who has child visitation rights...) be as polite and unemotional as you can be.
@@devonblake7327 I wouldn't even acknowledge that to them but just greyrock. I'm not even using more breath for him to articulate more words than I need to. That also does the trick.
Once my ex-Narc showed up and I was moving. He tried to throw up objections but quickly realized, while he was out lolly-gagging around, I had finished my degree and secured a job out of state. He looked sick. I said, "Have a nice life" and turned around and left. He looked like I sucker-punched him in the gut. Actually keeled over. For one spit second, he got this solemn look on his face. Like he really wanted to reach out & say something. But his pride prevented him. That was a good moment for me.
Love the lolly gagging, haven't heard that for years, and that is exactly what they do while the world moves on , old Narcs alone prove the foolishness of lolly gagging.
@@rozdoyle8872 Narc's expect for us to give & give & give. Being a wholesome & generous person, you look for solutions. I even thought he had a medical problem. While I moved on with life, he'd gone off and married another woman. But was trying to keep me on the hook and keep it a secret. I believe he's been married at least 6 times now.
Walk away, never look back. That's the only answer. I come from a family full of narcs. Become a gray rock. After you leave, they'll do amazingly horrible things, tell everyone lies about you, whatever they can to get energy from you. Don't. Get yourself together, become your most amazing self! It'll make them nuts.
A lot of them spend a lot of time and energy maintaining their sources of supply, so a lot of times their living space looks messy. Make sure that once you are free of them, your living space is neat and tidy. If they don't take care of their body, take care of yours, eat right and go to the gym. Do it for yourself, it just has the added effect of shaming them. Do all the things that you wanted to do and they held you back from. Eat what you want, listen to the music you want, watch the movies that you want. Take up the hobbies that you want. Take the courses that you want. Work the job that you want, or start making steps to get there. Sleep in the middle of the bed stretched out sideways with all the covers if you want. Think back and remember everything they said was stupid that you wanted to do, or if you couldn't do those things because it bothered them and do it. Even if you're alone it's better than being in a toxic relationship. Be honest about why you want to be in a relationship and ask yourself if those things are worth hurting every day and oppressing yourself.
Everything you said in your post was ABSOLUTELY TRUE !!!!!!! Especially when you mentioned how messy their living spaces are. Seemed like every single time I thoroughly cleaned , the narc would purposely sabotage the whole house just to be evil.... then complain about how it looked. These people are hell on ice to deal with.... so do what you can to get out quick, fast, and in a daymmm hurry !!!!!
I am SO enjoying the bed to myself (that now doesn't take 10 minutes to make, because he'd sleep in a different layer, with pillows in weird places, the bed torn apart) , the house tidy (he was so messy), milk in the fridge (he'd drink a liter at a meal or in the night), and peace and quiet instead of his constant discontent.
You are spot on, normally, I’m the wife that’ll sit & talk for hours. My husband was expecting me to sit & listen to his day, nope, cut him off. He didn’t know how to handle it. He don’t care about my day. Basically, I’m learning to match their energy!
How do you turn it off what he wants without getting into an ugly argument. My days will be spent in this home with a thick uneasy feeling. Very uncomfortable
There are so many different things you can do. Stay calm, don’t get an attitude. You’re learning to match their energy. You can leave the room, leave the house, change the subject, let them talk but don’t engage (don’t ask any questions or provide feedback), completely tune that person out, throw in on occasional mm hmm or head nod. It’s basically a one side conversation, you being an active participant in the convo is a gift that everyone don’t deserve or appreciate. If that’s the case, let them miss your presence in a conversation. If you want to be nice about it, you can be like “ hey babe, I have to run a few errands can we pick up this conversation later?”
The worst decision I've made in my life was moving in with my narcissist ex-boyfriend. The best decision I've made in my life was moving out... and moving on for me!!
Hello Lee! The best revenge is walking away and not turning back. It's the only thing that you can do to help yourself and the act of taking care of yourself drives a narcissist bonkers. Live, love laugh... that's it 🙆
Yes! Yes! Yes! I read this words soo many times before I left him( at that point there was "no life" in me anymore,I was a shadow of what I was whrn I meet him a decade ago) and I didn't believed that words but slowly, as the time passed by ( almost 2 y for me) ,I realized the best revenge is to not give a f..k about the m.... f.... .
🎁 🎁 🎁 scrolling old comments , just now see yours so marvelous I'm gonna need to engrave it or something, absolutely divine ! This gal has needed to see the point you made worded just so ! Specifically, " the act of taking care of yourself drives a narcissist bonkers " GOD BLESS YOU & Merry Christmas 🎄 & yes I'm slow to catch on😖
Every time I give him what he wants he changes the goal. He's made me feel I will never be enough. He gives me no emotional support, no affection but wants sex an accolades all the time. I'm worn out and I'm done.
I have been there. You must increase your self worth. RUclips videos, prayer, affirmations, scripture whatever it takes. One day you are going to be so thankful for your 'EX' husband. Your exhaustion is gonna lead you to the best version of yourself.
I can see underneath all that narc crap. I can see the little scared person underneath. The problem is I stayed trying to love the hurt person inside of him... it was the wrong move. It still hurts me to think of him in the world with no real love, but I'm free. thank you Honey Latte
He has me raising his baby alone at my momma. Never comes by except at night and explains to my tired drain3d asz that he knows I can't please him as much as he wants to be.... When IM TIRED WE HAVE A 1 YEAR OLD HE HASNT HELD FOR 5 MINUTES... EVER.
@@charlottetheartist327 - that’s just an excuse ..and they will make up every excuse in the book to make you feel like crap!! I hear all the time how so many women want him and will give it to him all day… I said GO THEN .. don’t forget to take your shit with you.. But they love to stick around and torture you. I hope you can find a way to go no contact .. I’ve heard women who were forced days after giving birth .. for fear of the narc cheating (they cheat anyways!!) it was just something to tear the women down & for sure physically hurt them. Mine does it to me daily, I walk out of my room .. until he is asleep now I don’t want him touching me I’m tired of being forced .. it’s the only time he acts like he likes me - when he is done I get to hear about how it sucks that I just lay there and cry .. ruining his mood 😢- they are evil n cruel
@@charlottetheartist327 my ex left me while I was 3 months pregnant . Not once he ever came too an appointment. he got upset because I was wondering why he switched up during the 3rd month no calls disappearing on weekends and not involving himself with the baby's appointments or anything regarding the baby at that .... My gut tells me he is cheating .....I'm due next month and not once has he called me ... Last time we spoke he told me do what I want and this was 2 months ago .....so I am ..... There Evil people.... I don't want my child around this toxic mess.
Yes! He had me up literally all night, fell asleep at 7AM... that I was too tired today to go look at places. He wares me out and drains me... BUT I was like "nope I'm going to see these places so I break out of this" while he ran off to do whatever he wants to do. It was hard to pull myself up but nobody going to come and save me... he's a malignant narc so I have to be careful... its exhausting trying to cover myself while sneaking to see and call these places... but I can't wait to be free and glow up. And finally do the mic drop when he pop up and I'm gone! That motivates me to push to find a place 😂.. pray for me! 😩
This was my problem. I have so much and I lost who I really was. Well, I’m done and tired of being disrespected. I pulled away a long time ago. Thank you, for your videos because they really help.
My ex narc blamed me for his traveling for work which he chose to do as an excuse to cheat because a man has needs. He confessed after I filed. I stayed a great wife and filed and divorce is now finalized and still healing. 😊
I’m waiting to go to court and he’s filed for full custody of my baby boy 😩😩😩 I know it’s only to get out of child support and he won’t even FaceTime him!!! (I have him) He cheated and kept his mistress a secret for three months after the separation. I was almost dying from hurt and it’s like it gave him pleasure!! I wish I could be free of him but he’s still using the one thing that could hurt me beyond any pain on this earth: my child!
Ohhh me too !! Maybe because I’m still stuck with him for the time being.. it’s ok though.. karma is already working it’s magic on him. He is only 35, and looking like he’s 45.. it will only get better from here 😂
Oh and it does work. Sometimes immediately. I'm not sure if I should feel bad about it. Keep your hands as clean as you should and life will take care of the rest.
Krama got mine. Just be you keep your boundaries watch their deeds come back to them whether its them not paying their bill not doing their jobs pushing people away things will fall apart on them..
Don't cut off supply or Grey rock without an escape plan already established DO NOT DO IT ALONE OR WITHOUT SUPPORT!!They rage out and there's no telling what they will say AND do
So true...I am cutting him off but very slow, day by day. I already told him I am tired of these cycles, went nonemotional and truly dont care much about him, cause I am just done..But he drinks a lot and his rage is always violent so I need to do it really slow..
Last week my ex stood next to me in the traffic. He recognised me, I turned away and just sang a 🎶. He started his car by the green light like a racket 😅For me it wasn’t easy, I was shivering , my hole body. However, he had to recognise, that we are not friends!
I removed myself from the relationship definitively purely for self-preservation, it was painful but one of the healthiest decision I’ve made and really proud of myself.. I can tell he was not fully expecting it and reeling from it.. they need to find a way to heal themselves
Thank you for this. I did this to my ex I blocked and went no contact left town for a few months, on my return I ran into him I ignored him, I had never witnessed so much hate in his eyes before, I knew then I had won.
That self love glow is different forreal, especially when other people are giving you compliments & attention while you continue to ignore the narc vibes. Super refreshing 🙂💕
Go silent on them they don’t like it take your vibes away and stop giving them attention. It’s challenging for them and messes with their head Be better than them on all levels or they will crush your heart and soul
My ex never cared about me at all until I went no contact 😂 now he won't leave me alone and I had to get a PPO. You are not lying about them acting crazy when you go no contact. If only any of that time and attention could have been given to me while we were still in a relationship...😂🤦♀️
True, this is about how I get myself back. Once I walk away and stay no contact, I feel calm and peace. At the beginning it is a complicated feeling that I worry about the narc but hope for revenge at the same time. After a while I do not care whether they are hurt or not anymore. I finally start to focus on myself.
I have the same emotion part wants them to feel go through pain that they put on others, yet I also don't like seeing anyone hurt. There just this need of wanting them to understand the pain they cause. But learning through vid narcs don't feel the pain of guilt they just twist blame on everyone else you can't make them understand revenge in that way is impossible. All you can do is take care not let them knock you down be your best version this way they at least don't win in destroying you. They get pleasure in stealing someone's heath happiness financial status so staying well is the closes you can get in revenge.
@@DreamChuckie Keep your focus on YOU. Remind yourself of all the reasons why you left. Write them down. Read them constantly so you don’t forget. You deserve a good life! One day at a time, dear.
I’m in this phase with my narcissistic husband of 23 years. He’s going nuts. He’s accusing me of stonewalling which is hilarious bc he’s the professional stonewaller. I’m seeing that as his power is going down and the shift is happening, he’s starting to panic.
You’re RIGHT LEE, as long as they’re in your life and you care about them, or worse are in love with them, you won’t grow. You CANNOT. Loving them or caring about them will mess up your growth.
That‘s not what he said. Just stop giving supply, but you do you! And sometimes you have to leave ppl you love, BECAUSE you love them and care for them. You let them go, BECAUSE you are a caring and loving person! 😄
Once I told him that I was nolonger comfortable with having any intimacy with him .Because I really had a deep knowledgement that he was having another relationship going on with a woman named Annetta.Her calls etc.. I wouldn't let him come to see me be with me at my home.This is when he decided that he could nolonger say or tell me that he Loved me!!! An alarm went off letting me know what all his actions ways etc... was really all about! But even before this I was picking up on all the RED Flags that were flying right in front of my face. All I will say Now Is God is my Advenger!!!! And that Karma Is For Real a true factor to life in people hurting and using other people to feed their needs and Ego's!!!
Least your narc didn’t just say out of nowhere that you guys arnt dating. Apparently we must have broken up somewhere yet it’s news to me because I’ve been doing shit for him. I’ve turned down many dates with random guys I met over these last two years and since he couldn’t tell me exactly when we officially broke up I still felt committed and didn’t want him feeling left out, cheated on or uncomfortable. He’s probably doing something behind my back because each time I go to wake him up to move over and go to sleep, he startles awake and says what’s wrong. I got asked to go see the eclipse with some people I’ve been debating going, but I feel bad so it seems like I’m going to just not go to another event I could have met someone, then regret when we have another argument
@@amberg4131 if he says you aren’t together there’s probably someone else. I want you to care about yourself more than him. Men underestimate how many guys we turn down just for them. As for the eclipse I REALLY think you should go, and do this for yourself. If he isn’t caring about you or your relationship then you need to care about you, and be open to a new relationship.
When you learn to truly love yourself, you'll fund it easier to cut the contact with the narc permanently. The toxic energy will not be welcomed in your life.
When he said “Don’t try to one up me..cuz at the end of the day my lack of empathy kick in and I’ll be like you did this to yourself” I’m sorry but that was funny af 😂😂😂😂😂
My ex had me questioning my own dang reality for real! When he threw me away like yesterday's trash I didn't know how to even function anymore. I basically had to relearn living. Oooh Lord let me Pray for that man because I feel the anger rearing its ugly narcissistic stained self right now.
I started taking care of myself. Doing my hair, nails, going out. I was in a bad way for years, with him affecting me. It upset him more than me staying miserable and down. I also removed myself from being near him even though we lived in the same house. I was seriously sick all the time, anxiety and illness for the 30 years I was with them. Now, being away from him, I have no health issues. Narcissists rot everything they get near. You ultimately have to care for you first anyway no matter who you are with. You first!
This is about keeping your sanity. Keeping in the now and keep on your focus in the now. Narcissist gain their power by controlling people and getting a reaction and then gaslighting and saying your reality of what they did is not what they really did. You have to keep your sense of reality.
This can be very hard to do looking back having people that I love and trusted the most gas like me for years on end really plays with somebody's head so keeping a strong sense of self and your reality is important
Sometimes and Some people have too much empathy toward people that hurt them and others. People have to put logic before emotions to protect themselves and others. There's times people have to cut emotions off. Some people and sometimes people don't always deserve empathy. There's nothing wrong with being civilized but keep emotions out of some situations. I appreciate your advice and it hasn't been wrong yet. My narcissistic father says "it's killing him" that my sister and I cut him out of our lives. (no contact)
Self esteem,self worth, self confidence … are the keys to freedom, and the protection required to make crossover moves when you see a narc coming! Stay strong!
My narcissistic ex was so cold that he got mad at me for everything and was never appreciative of me and the kids. He treated us like filt and would do everything for others to impress them. The last strike for me was when I had foot surgery done and he didn't see it fit to come by to help me with anything, I called him ungrateful, and that blew him off. At that point, we broke up. In that same breath, he promised to help with whatever we need but is never able to help in any way. Sometimes, I don't even know how to explain this situation.
He asked me what’s wrong and I said what’s wrong every thing past 8 years and when I did, calmly, he damn near pushed me out the car, yelling, cursing, screaming, knocked things out of my hand. I got out and blocked him on everything I could and we have two children together and idgad. He too toxic for my children and I. He doesn’t believe it’s over but he will. Lee you really don’t know how your videos have been helping for past year now. You are a God send, I pray you continue to grow and heal as well❤❤❤
My body naturally shuts them down. The supply just dies after they say hurtful things. And after surviving so many narcissists my nervous system triggers and gives an auto response of telling it how it is. Showing them the proof of everything and recalling everything from memory. Its probably a PTSD response....my poor body. My psychiatrist says my body has rewired and made these responses to survive and repel. Never knew the body could do that.
Hi Lee.. I agree with everything you say, up to a certain point. That point is when you have worked out already how to deal with the narcissistic personality & have cut from them, had some space, but you also value them as a person in your life in some ways, & you also realise they've suffered from growing up with narcissistic parents, they also do feel remorse & guilt & shame & even if they are toxic sometimes, they also do self reflect. Also when you have studied so much about the spectrum of narcissism you have worked out that virtually everyone in your family & friend group & social group & everyone you've ever met also have variable aspects of their personality, some good, some bad, & everyone is a blend of different aspects of different personality styles depending on context & working out whatever the best & most peaceful way to deal with people in general in a healthy way, means recognising everyone needs space, but also everyone needs connection to their family & social group to survive, & working out how to survive in a way that respects yourself while respecting others while also having compassion for others without letting them abuse you is the most peaceful idea. That's the state I'd like to achieve. I don't want to blame anyone. I just want to live in peace & if anyone starts to blame me, I just want to learn how to deflect that energy in a peaceful, constructive, useful positive transformational way. Tai chi style. ✌🏼
It's about making your focus you and your own happiness. Because narcissistic people are 100% the "misery loves company" type and to keep others down is empowering to them. And since they're usually only concerned with themselves you want to take their power away shift your focus from them because they like to be the center of attention to yourself making you the center of your attention focus your efforts and energies on yourself that's cutting their legs right out from under them
I'm using my son's phone to post. At the moment I left my narcissist husband no papers involved or no ties, culturally married. Next month would be 8 years. I had too take my son out of this situation before something bad happens. Lee Hammock is my Hero Thank you for waking me up.
I literally spent ALL my time with him. Waiting on him hand and foot. Showed my love and loyalty to him in many ways. Then when I decide to just have an early dinner with a girlfriend, that he knew about, was aware of, and had no problem with at the time. A few weeks later he tells me that he was not a priority in my life and I didnt care about him and now all of a sudden, he had made all these plans for that particular night that I hung out with my girlfriend that I was not even aware of. This has happened anytime I decide to do anything without him(not often at all), even my children, and other family. Im soooooo tired of this back and forth. This is obviously a form of control. I know that no one will probably read this, Im just venting.
If you're tired of the back and forth it falls on you to take action. Staying in a relationship where you don't feel.valued is a tremendous waste of time
Thank you for your comment. I deal with the EXACT same things and more! Brings me some comfort and insight that this is validation that THAT is NOT normal or ok.
So true. I recently cut off supply finally. It's been a long time coming and I feel liberated, free if you will! When the narcissist knew I knew, they played the victim (started crying and said "well if that's how you feel I won't ever call you again") and had the nerve to hang up on me (click)! All because I told the narcissists that they in fact are not my real friend, lover, they don't have my best interests at heart, and I simply don't want people like that in my life etc...!!
I so needed to hear this! My Narc went from I love you and I don't want to lose you to literally next day,- I hate you and want you out of my life, you ruined my life. 31 years I wasted and he completely drained the shit outta me. The more I try ignore him the more he comes around. ffs.
It's very big of you to admit that you are a narcissist and that you are in therapy. And then your heart is big because you're spreading awareness and trying to help people who are dealing with it and have been a victim to it. No be small tin o!!! Respect!
😂😂😂 what you don’t understand about narcs is a lot. He doesn’t have a big heart for other people, he runs this channel for supply. You CANT think or view narcissistic s from your own empathetic lens. You must be objective! You may think he’s trying to do good to help others, but look at the merch, everything is about him. Narcs dream 😂🎉
I was asked out to the same place we had our first date for a "fresh start." I didn't want to but I had to finially say No, completely blocked them and didn’t wait for a reaponse. I felt a relief, a weight off of my heart, but still feel sad it had to come to that. Better for my mental and emotional health.
My family lost their “god damn minds” after I went no contact and launched an impressive smear campaign that is now coming to light. At first I was mad, and that turned into sad, and eventually it just broke my heart. As you’ve said in previous videos narcissism can infect like a virus. It’s more like a plague, that’s infected the community I live in. But your videos have informed me to just stay strong and continue No Contact. The truth will rise through all of their pervertedness. Thank you for the information you provide. It’s helped me more than you can know. Thank you 🙏
Thanks for your videos they have helped me tremendously, I have blocked finally and I feel better. Your videos actually helped me to finally block my ex who is “I think” and so does my therapist is a covert narcissist. I serve the purpose of helping him to feel better about himself. He always makes me feel unimportant somehow and I though it was me being needy but I’m just a normal woman who wants to be happy. I have no idea how I didn’t see through this guy but I did. I am going to get my glow back on! Thanks Lee, I enjoy your delivery, it gives me a much needed giggle!
My fiancé is a undiagnosed narcissist, and when I treat him like he treats me he always ask “Why do you hate me” and does the attempting to blame me for any and everything. We have been friends since childhood and it breaks my heart to see him basically imploded
"Turn off the spigot" I loved that, totally made my day... Bc that's exactly what I'm doing, thank you for confirming that. Although I'm def not doing it to punish him, I'm doing it bc he doesn't deserve, appreciate or honor my time and I'm not allowing him to siphon off me anymore, plain n simple 🙏⚔️⚖️
Yes exactly ! You will never satisfy them! They will never be happy! They will never admit they are wrong! They will never came about you like you care about them! Leave and never have any contact with them! You deserve your sanity and peace of mind!
I prefer to hit a narcissist with the truth because the truth hurts. They are emotional vampires and like showing off because they think they're better than you and they like belittling you as well. Be true to yourself and defend what you believe in 🥰 ❤ 😉
I just recently ended a relationship .....I've done this many times with this fool, in the past, but he has lingered outside my home; blown up my phone; constantly texted/emailed; left gifts on the doorstep......I had to call the police! This happened a lot, but then, I would allow myself to be sucked back in, by his crying; pleading; promising; desperation, ETC😮 But, I'm DONE, now. I have health issues, and I believe if I continue this, it will destroy me, and I am WORTHY of SO MUCH MORE!! By the grace of God, I'm moving forward, and feeling so much lighter, and healthier, in doing so. Feels like a yolk has been removed from my neck!! "Can you feel a .....BRAND NEW DAY!!!" ( **The Wiz**😅) Easing on down the road, in love, and light! ❤🙏🏼💯🌞🦋
Be yourself because you always have been yourself!! Only now your stronger because you are stronger being yourself. Never be ashamed of who you are. Especially when you know the truth! Protect those closest to you always. Thanks Lee! 🙂🌹
If you cut off what you are doing for the narcissist because of the narcissist's actions, the narcissist will take revenge. Even if you go "no contact," they will try to do something to you. If you are not serving them, they will get revenge.
I really wish my ex could acknowledge he has a problem and go into therapy. He’s seen a therapist but I know he’s lied to them because they’ve got nothing but praise for him. Seeing how you’ve grown by acknowledgment your issues is amazing and if he could do that we could have had such a different life.
We went for couple counseling to see if things could improve between us. The first thing my ex said after the first appointment was that the therapist was on my side and in my favour. Probably because I had done the research and arranged the appointment, that's what I thought at the time, at least. I suggested my ex find another counseling. That was the end of the counseling. Unfortunately only after my leaving and going no contact, did I discover the traits of narcissistic personalities and found those answers that I couldn't ever find before or even want to believe that a person can be so detached. A therapist will not help them because they will never look at their inner self. To them the world is divided in two kinds of people, those that think like them and all the rest that are wrong. Period.
I learned after years of dealing with narcissists, including my mother that what throws them off balance is TAKING YOUR POWER BACK. There is a difference between silent treatment and removing your energy completely from that person. Silent treatment means you are still acknowledging them, take your energy away. They are non existent, if a family member or coworker and you must talk to them I do like I would talk to a complete stranger that just happens to stop me to ask for directions. Normal minus the emotion. If you attract narcissists I do recommend to find out why. Sometimes the lack of self confidence is what attracts them. Perfect target. I know you can do it! Trust me once you figure it out and get your power back they will see you coming and keep walking at a faster pace.😊 Blessings❤
I was a happy person too and a woman did this too me I don’t even know how to smile or be happy are joke anymore…sorry to hear that I feel your pain god bless you
Cutting off a narcissist is about protecting yourself. It’s not about punishing them.
💯💯
Yes, and I think it serves as punishment too.
@@patriciacorrea8871 yeah
It's both, he's a Narc, so he knows!
Amen!!! ❤️
Narcissists are energy vampires🧛 the more available you are, the more energy they suck from you. Going no contact is the game changer!
🙌🏾💯
I agree I noticed that being around the narcissist I would be so tired that I couldn’t stay awake around him and once he left I would be wide awake.
Yes!
Rosy Roses, yes, I've noticed that. What do you suppose that feeling of being losing our blood to a vampire is about?
Do others feel that way, too?
@@denisewimberly5249 same here. I used be like why am I so tired. they r draining.
This is for friendships too. When they start belittling you and communicating in a condescending manner, cut them off.
Amen. I agree with you. That's what I had to do.
Yes 👏🏽
I just literally quit a very well paying job the moment my manger started out like that on me.
That's how i discovered the first narc in my life. He was a friend i had known for 15yrs and frequently hung out with. He was a covered narc so it was way too late when i noticed something was way off. Shortly
after becoming aware, anxiety attacks started, eating/sleeping disorder, feelings of estrangement. There were many others but he was covertly the most brutal in terms of abuse.
Made worse by spontaneous drunken rage. It’s a bad mix.
“The opposite of love is not hate…it is indifference.” ~ Elie Wiesel
Exactly. To hate someone is to say there are feelings for them even if those feelings are negative. I don't care is their mantra when it comes to their partner, so turn it around. Smarts going their way
So true
The narcissist blocked me because she couldn’t handle the truth.
@@phyllistouchstone7136 Good riddance!
True
“You can’t make someone love you by giving more of what they don’t already appreciate.. someone else wrote that, and I wrote it in my journal 😊
Excellent post regardless of who wrote it. Thanks Katie 😊
I'm hearing it now , wish I heard it 25 yrs ago
@@jennyanderson4796 I can understand it for sure . ... wish I'd heard it 35 years ago.
@@goldenlady1213 💯🤍💚
@@jennyanderson4796 💚
You are so right, cut them off. They are aware of what they are doing. They are damaging you at your expense.
No contact hurts their ego
The fact that so many people can relate and have experienced this is horrific. Thanks for sharing.
Yea its quite the sad and cruel world we live in.
But their is still some good left. We just gotta protect it 🙏 😅
I honestly thought that too, this is my 1st and last ending to a relationship with a Narcissist. I am in active recovery right now!!!, I've never met or got involved with any devil like this and it is Mind Blowing. I went No contact, and he is behaving as if I horrifically did something to him. I'm grateful his Evil shined through, makes me not regret. Cutting IT/THE DEVIL Out my life.💪🏽
You are so right. I was nothing but nice. He called me handicapped and said many mean things. I'm not handicap. I had knee replacement. He's crazy.
So so true, and narcissists don’t even exist in the form of romantic relationships or family but even co workers etc.. disgusting souls
Exactly what Im thinking last few years.. Horrifying!!!
The way I "got revenge" on my ex narcissist was just being myself. He never really liked me for me, just how I looked and how chill and cool I was , where I didn't make a big deal of his dumb behavior. ... Well he drove that cool chillness out of me after 4 years and I am not like that anymore . We work at the same place, I moved out while he was at work. Then I stopped using hair extensions, makeup, trendy clothes. I started reading scripture and dressing modestly, covering my hair even sometimes. He has to see me everyday and I can see he is like embarrassed or like really put off that I look natural and not necessarily pretty, or that I use my natural deep voice at him instead of the fun flirty one I had when we were dating. He always acts sad around me because I think he thinks I let myself go. No, I am just happy being me and I don't care about impressing anyone... Not like him at all.
As long as you did that for you. Screw that i don't even go out. N i want my hair nails lashes n lip gloss FOR ME. Please screw him. If u r good then great. But even when you are not gonna do it up cause its Driving them crazy is still doing it for them. How about your health change that for u. How bout change job postions . How does that feel. If u cant because they don't see u. Then think about ur motivation
I love it! Every bit of it. There’s a covert narc dude at my job whom I think is obsessed at this point bc I could sneeze and he has something to say. Anyhow he said something abt my voice soundin weak, or being weak blah or dull in my expressions bc he’s used to toxic, masculine women like I even care. Some smh lookin dude at tht. At first I was slightly offended than I laughed it off like oh really? But all of y’all come to me with questions about everything but am the duh one? Oka na. So I purposely speak more slower when I talk to him. I put in no efforts whatsoever and try to sound as wack as possible when tht person is around. The other day he asked wat I do for fun bc I sound boring like someone who stays home all the time. And I gladly said I’m absolutely boring and do absolutely nothin and stays home all the time bc I don’t give no effs. He got super quiet and never said a word after tht. They realized how insignificant they are to you once you don’t take the bait. Whatever shame they were trying to project onto you, stays with them once you don’t give them the reaction they were hoping for
The other day before leaving work, this meh person came up kept shouting my name to let me know he’s leaving. Like wat tht gotta do with me. Jst leave
So you’re 💯 right be exactly everythin they tried to criticize you for because they don’t matter. Wat I learned more importantly is to establish boundaries because I made this person too comfortable to say and do the things he did. Tht has ended
@@MegaLadylove2012 :) I love your approach.
So happy for you! 💛🧡💛🧡💛
Sister, if I could post ur comment on a billboard in the middle of the world I would do so!! All these ppl watching these videos on "how to win a narcissist over" or "how to beat a narcissist at their own game"...etc etc...(becuz their r thousands) when the answer is far less complex and actually simple! JUST BE YOUR AUTHENTIC SELF! As women, we tend to play roles. We play whatever roles our partners r happy with. 10 times out of 10 its never whom we really r inside or out! So u wanna beat a narcissist at their own game?? QUIT playing the damn game! Boom problem solved! I did exactly this by pure exhaustion! To tired to use that small high pitched voice, to tired to make him feel good about every fk up he made, to tired to lay down and play victim and cry just so they felt empowered. I just went back to the basics of my life. Thats exactly when my life changed for the complete better!
I dated a narcissist and I learned that you can't reason with the unreasonable. When I realized that he never ever admitted to being wrong even when his wrong doing was right there in front of everybody, i knew it was time to let go. He would change my words around and make all of his family and friends think that i was this bad person. I got to the point where i didn't care what they thought and that they was just his flying monkeys.
omg yes I would act out even more when I considered his family and friends idiots who believdd his bs
God bless youuuuu!
I know the feeling.
I deal with narcissist by ignoring them.. they don’t like to feel invisible.
Same. I will NEVER play their Game.
Once you shut down access and don’t look back, you win. Period.
self-love is the best answer for most of life's issues.
🙌🏾🎯
Hold to self-love and know that God Will Always Love and Care for you!!!!
@@marytaylor9504intelligent comment
Yes! Our empathy kicks and we don’t want to hurt them. But it’s so easy for them to hurt us. Have empathy for you. Thank you. I’m trying
Exactly
Its not about hurting them its about realizing we let them deplete us of our precious time and energy. Thats about US saying no. My life is precious. My energy is precious and my time is limited.
Amen!!!
Its hard for me as well...but I AM pulling through
Growing and glowing that's growth and empowerment . The abuse is on them the healing is on you. Powerful words.
Yes, this is a really good video! It can help dissolve the trauma bond.
👏🏼 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 amen 🙏
Thanks Lisa! ❤🙏🏼
Periodt
Yes you're not punishing them, just making it clear you will not tolerate toxic. If you can't bring quality, stay away. Life is too short.
‼️‼️
Hardest break ( from a loved family member) I ever had to make was when I remembered, having forgotten for years, the my value was never based on her ability to recognize my worth.
It was The turning point .
@@johntuohy1867 Yes its a very sad thing when a very close family member chooses not to recognize your worth. I believe they choose to do this because they feel and know they cannot return what they receive.
I totally did that, I broke up with him and I'm disgusted to know that I gave him what he didn't deserve. I'm moving on and learning to create healthy boundaries.👍🏼💗
We all feel frustrated with ourselves for letting these people in but we were lied to and manipulated and we must practice self compassion. You are not alone and you are strong!
@Zach R Yes, so true. Thank u for that😊
Hear you..me too
I put up with obvious episodes of textbook emotional abuse for some months because I convinced myself they didn’t know what they were doing. Looking back I can’t believe I did that!!!
I was even predicting exactly what they would do!
Get it. Feel the same 😢
The most effective way to hurt a narcissist is to stop caring. Say things like, "I know that comment was supposed to hurt me, but it didn't work because I can't dredge up enough emotion for you to care what you think of me." When they see that their behavior no longer causes you to become upset, it drives them crazy! If it's not possible to completely distance yourself (maybe it's an ex spouse who has child visitation rights...) be as polite and unemotional as you can be.
@@devonblake7327 I wouldn't even acknowledge that to them but just greyrock. I'm not even using more breath for him to articulate more words than I need to. That also does the trick.
Polite and unemotional as you can be... exactly!!!
They leave when you literally have nothing left to give. Like you said “give it to you, not them” smh 🙏🏾💎 wow, let go.. let grow 💎🥺
Once my ex-Narc showed up and I was moving. He tried to throw up objections but quickly realized, while he was out lolly-gagging around, I had finished my degree and secured a job out of state. He looked sick. I said, "Have a nice life" and turned around and left. He looked like I sucker-punched him in the gut. Actually keeled over. For one spit second, he got this solemn look on his face. Like he really wanted to reach out & say something. But his pride prevented him. That was a good moment for me.
Love the lolly gagging, haven't heard that for years, and that is exactly what they do while the world moves on , old Narcs alone prove the foolishness of lolly gagging.
@@rozdoyle8872 Narc's expect for us to give & give & give. Being a wholesome & generous person, you look for solutions. I even thought he had a medical problem. While I moved on with life, he'd gone off and married another woman. But was trying to keep me on the hook and keep it a secret. I believe he's been married at least 6 times now.
When he said taking your power back I felt that!
💪🏽💪🏽
Walk away, never look back. That's the only answer. I come from a family full of narcs. Become a gray rock. After you leave, they'll do amazingly horrible things, tell everyone lies about you, whatever they can to get energy from you. Don't. Get yourself together, become your most amazing self! It'll make them nuts.
A lot of them spend a lot of time and energy maintaining their sources of supply, so a lot of times their living space looks messy. Make sure that once you are free of them, your living space is neat and tidy. If they don't take care of their body, take care of yours, eat right and go to the gym. Do it for yourself, it just has the added effect of shaming them. Do all the things that you wanted to do and they held you back from. Eat what you want, listen to the music you want, watch the movies that you want. Take up the hobbies that you want. Take the courses that you want. Work the job that you want, or start making steps to get there. Sleep in the middle of the bed stretched out sideways with all the covers if you want. Think back and remember everything they said was stupid that you wanted to do, or if you couldn't do those things because it bothered them and do it. Even if you're alone it's better than being in a toxic relationship. Be honest about why you want to be in a relationship and ask yourself if those things are worth hurting every day and oppressing yourself.
@Follow Your Dreams Believe and Achieve That is so awesome. Keep going and always know your worth ❤
Everything you said in your post was ABSOLUTELY TRUE !!!!!!!
Especially when you mentioned how messy their living spaces are. Seemed like every single time I thoroughly cleaned , the narc would purposely sabotage the whole house just to be evil.... then complain about how it looked. These people are hell on ice to deal with.... so do what you can to get out quick, fast, and in a daymmm hurry !!!!!
THIS ‼️‼️‼️‼️
I am SO enjoying the bed to myself (that now doesn't take 10 minutes to make, because he'd sleep in a different layer, with pillows in weird places, the bed torn apart) , the house tidy (he was so messy), milk in the fridge (he'd drink a liter at a meal or in the night), and peace and quiet instead of his constant discontent.
@@susanparker9877 That's so awesome. I'm always glad to hear it when someone else has discovered how good it feels to be free.
“The ABUSE is on THEM, the HEALING is on YOU” …YES💯‼️🙏🏿
Narcissist are EVIL; turn that spigot 🚰 OFF; and PRAY for them.
How do you pray for them
They're praying for me apparently 😅
You are spot on, normally, I’m the wife that’ll sit & talk for hours. My husband was expecting me to sit & listen to his day, nope, cut him off. He didn’t know how to handle it. He don’t care about my day. Basically, I’m learning to match their energy!
Exactly!
Boom. This right here.
That's it sis! Just practicing the art of mirroring
How do you turn it off what he wants without getting into an ugly argument. My days will be spent in this home with a thick uneasy feeling. Very uncomfortable
There are so many different things you can do. Stay calm, don’t get an attitude. You’re learning to match their energy. You can leave the room, leave the house, change the subject, let them talk but don’t engage (don’t ask any questions or provide feedback), completely tune that person out, throw in on occasional mm hmm or head nod.
It’s basically a one side conversation, you being an active participant in the convo is a gift that everyone don’t deserve or appreciate. If that’s the case, let them miss your presence in a conversation.
If you want to be nice about it, you can be like “ hey babe, I have to run a few errands can we pick up this conversation later?”
The worst decision I've made in my life was moving in with my narcissist ex-boyfriend. The best decision I've made in my life was moving out... and moving on for me!!
Hello Lee! The best revenge is walking away and not turning back. It's the only thing that you can do to help yourself and the act of taking care of yourself drives a narcissist bonkers. Live, love laugh... that's it 🙆
Yes! Yes! Yes! I read this words soo many times before I left him( at that point there was "no life" in me anymore,I was a shadow of what I was whrn I meet him a decade ago) and I didn't believed that words but slowly, as the time passed by ( almost 2 y for me) ,I realized the best revenge is to not give a f..k about the m.... f.... .
I agree, there's no other way around the madness
🎁 🎁 🎁 scrolling old comments , just now see yours so marvelous I'm gonna need to engrave it or something, absolutely divine ! This gal has needed to see the point you made worded just so ! Specifically, " the act of taking care of yourself drives a narcissist bonkers " GOD BLESS YOU & Merry Christmas 🎄 & yes I'm slow to catch on😖
Praying my kids see his bs.
It's true, mine wants to know who is influencing me into staying away because he thought I would have gone back by now.
I went NO CONTACT to save myself. If it hurt my narcissist.... I'm good with that too. Truthfully, it doesn't matter anymore 'cuz I don't care.
💪🏽
This 😭
Every time I give him what he wants he changes the goal. He's made me feel I will never be enough. He gives me no emotional support, no affection but wants sex an accolades all the time. I'm worn out and I'm done.
I have been there. You must increase your self worth. RUclips videos, prayer, affirmations, scripture whatever it takes. One day you are going to be so thankful for your 'EX' husband. Your exhaustion is gonna lead you to the best version of yourself.
I can see underneath all that narc crap. I can see the little scared person underneath. The problem is I stayed trying to love the hurt person inside of him... it was the wrong move. It still hurts me to think of him in the world with no real love, but I'm free. thank you Honey Latte
He has me raising his baby alone at my momma. Never comes by except at night and explains to my tired drain3d asz that he knows I can't please him as much as he wants to be.... When IM TIRED WE HAVE A 1 YEAR OLD HE HASNT HELD FOR 5 MINUTES... EVER.
@@charlottetheartist327 - that’s just an excuse ..and they will make up every excuse in the book to make you feel like crap!!
I hear all the time how so many women want him and will give it to him all day… I said GO THEN .. don’t forget to take your shit with you..
But they love to stick around and torture you. I hope you can find a way to go no contact ..
I’ve heard women who were forced days after giving birth .. for fear of the narc cheating (they cheat anyways!!) it was just something to tear the women down & for sure physically hurt them. Mine does it to me daily, I walk out of my room .. until he is asleep now I don’t want him touching me I’m tired of being forced .. it’s the only time he acts like he likes me - when he is done
I get to hear about how it sucks that I just lay there and cry .. ruining his mood 😢- they are evil n cruel
@@charlottetheartist327 my ex left me while I was 3 months pregnant . Not once he ever came too an appointment. he got upset because I was wondering why he switched up during the 3rd month no calls disappearing on weekends and not involving himself with the baby's appointments or anything regarding the baby at that .... My gut tells me he is cheating .....I'm due next month and not once has he called me ... Last time we spoke he told me do what I want and this was 2 months ago .....so I am ..... There Evil people.... I don't want my child around this toxic mess.
It's not about hurting them , it's about empowering me. The abuse is on them , the healing, growth is on me. ❤❤ I felt that message, Lee.
Yes! He had me up literally all night, fell asleep at 7AM... that I was too tired today to go look at places. He wares me out and drains me... BUT I was like "nope I'm going to see these places so I break out of this" while he ran off to do whatever he wants to do.
It was hard to pull myself up but nobody going to come and save me... he's a malignant narc so I have to be careful... its exhausting trying to cover myself while sneaking to see and call these places... but I can't wait to be free and glow up.
And finally do the mic drop when he pop up and I'm gone! That motivates me to push to find a place 😂.. pray for me! 😩
From one sis to another, I wish you much peace and success in your life.
Blessings your way, you are worth more our father god says so
Your current situation is not your final destination. The best is till to come 🤍♥️👏🏽
Wow. I’m in the same position
Yes, very quietly arrange your exit. Never look back.
This was my problem. I have so much and I lost who I really was. Well, I’m done and tired of being disrespected. I pulled away a long time ago. Thank you, for your videos because they really help.
You got this!
My ex narc blamed me for his traveling for work which he chose to do as an excuse to cheat because a man has needs. He confessed after I filed. I stayed a great wife and filed and divorce is now finalized and still healing. 😊
My narc husband travels to another city for work 2 hours away. I'm sure something is going on. I can't wait until I'm done totally
Wow, I believe it
I’m in the same predicament. And it just becomes so draining to stay in a toxic relationship just for the sake of an unsuccessful marriage!
Whenever a man is going to work I guarantee he’s seeing other women
I’m waiting to go to court and he’s filed for full custody of my baby boy 😩😩😩 I know it’s only to get out of child support and he won’t even FaceTime him!!! (I have him) He cheated and kept his mistress a secret for three months after the separation. I was almost dying from hurt and it’s like it gave him pleasure!! I wish I could be free of him but he’s still using the one thing that could hurt me beyond any pain on this earth: my child!
Of all the diagnosed NPD, I hope many narcs will end up like you
🙏🏽
I used to want revenge on my Ex but I know I'm better than that and refuse to let him drag me to his level. I'll let Karma do its work for me 🍒
Yep cherry
Revenge is the Lords. Just leave and live your best life.
Ohhh me too !! Maybe because I’m still stuck with him for the time being.. it’s ok though.. karma is already working it’s magic on him. He is only 35, and looking like he’s 45.. it will only get better from here 😂
Oh and it does work. Sometimes immediately. I'm not sure if I should feel bad about it. Keep your hands as clean as you should and life will take care of the rest.
Krama got mine. Just be you keep your boundaries watch their deeds come back to them whether its them not paying their bill not doing their jobs pushing people away things will fall apart on them..
'Go NO CONTACT!' Best advice. 'Go and GLOW!'
It's about placing value on yourself. You deserve better.
Don't cut off supply or Grey rock without an escape plan already established
DO NOT DO IT ALONE OR WITHOUT SUPPORT!!They rage out and there's no telling what they will say AND do
So true...I am cutting him off but very slow, day by day. I already told him I am tired of these cycles, went nonemotional and truly dont care much about him, cause I am just done..But he drinks a lot and his rage is always violent so I need to do it really slow..
@@freesoul1189 also make sure you are documenting everything. Find out if there's legal aid where you live. This won't be easy! May God be with you.
@@freesoul1189 Plan your exit quietly and get out. Don't look back. Your life depends on your smarts.
Exactly 💯
Yes, be careful, their revenge can be serious.
Last week my ex stood next to me in the traffic. He recognised me, I turned away and just sang a 🎶. He started his car by the green light like a racket 😅For me it wasn’t easy, I was shivering , my hole body. However, he had to recognise, that we are not friends!
No and our nervous system knows it all too well
True true true
I cant imagine there's sooo many of US out there
I removed myself from the relationship definitively purely for self-preservation, it was painful but one of the healthiest decision I’ve made and really proud of myself.. I can tell he was not fully expecting it and reeling from it.. they need to find a way to heal themselves
I noticed by me pulling back i am becoming more happy starting To heal more
I can't say enough how I respect what you do here.
...Amen
Thank you for this. I did this to my ex I blocked and went no contact left town for a few months, on my return I ran into him I ignored him, I had never witnessed so much hate in his eyes before, I knew then I had won.
That self love glow is different forreal, especially when other people are giving you compliments & attention while you continue to ignore the narc vibes. Super refreshing 🙂💕
Go silent on them they don’t like it take your vibes away and stop giving them attention. It’s challenging for them and messes with their head Be better than them on all levels or they will crush your heart and soul
Deborah Longshaw,Hope you are not with a narcissist!!
The moment they don't feel your energy the come back , supposedly changed but than blame you for how they acted lol
My ex never cared about me at all until I went no contact 😂 now he won't leave me alone and I had to get a PPO. You are not lying about them acting crazy when you go no contact. If only any of that time and attention could have been given to me while we were still in a relationship...😂🤦♀️
Amen
True, this is about how I get myself back. Once I walk away and stay no contact, I feel calm and peace. At the beginning it is a complicated feeling that I worry about the narc but hope for revenge at the same time. After a while I do not care whether they are hurt or not anymore. I finally start to focus on myself.
I have the same emotion part wants them to feel go through pain that they put on others, yet I also don't like seeing anyone hurt. There just this need of wanting them to understand the pain they cause. But learning through vid narcs don't feel the pain of guilt they just twist blame on everyone else you can't make them understand revenge in that way is impossible. All you can do is take care not let them knock you down be your best version this way they at least don't win in destroying you. They get pleasure in stealing someone's heath happiness financial status so staying well is the closes you can get in revenge.
@@bunnyboo6295sooo true
I feel exactly how u feel
Is it strange or do victims feel like that
True the Peace and Calm will come. Once No Contact becomes successful!!!
Going through this now. My feelings are all over the place. I'm even worrying about the narc & questioning myself.
@@DreamChuckie Keep your focus on YOU. Remind yourself of all the reasons why you left. Write them down. Read them constantly so you don’t forget. You deserve a good life! One day at a time, dear.
I’m in this phase with my narcissistic husband of 23 years. He’s going nuts. He’s accusing me of stonewalling which is hilarious bc he’s the professional stonewaller. I’m seeing that as his power is going down and the shift is happening, he’s starting to panic.
You’re RIGHT LEE, as long as they’re in your life and you care about them, or worse are in love with them, you won’t grow. You CANNOT. Loving them or caring about them will mess up your growth.
That‘s not what he said.
Just stop giving supply, but you do you! And sometimes you have to leave ppl you love, BECAUSE you love them and care for them. You let them go, BECAUSE you are a caring and loving person! 😄
You are so right, I know I need 2 go bc it's draining always for him and I go lacking and can't find the place to gain upward mobility for myself.
Once I told him that I was nolonger comfortable with having any intimacy with him .Because I really had a deep knowledgement that he was having another relationship going on with a woman named Annetta.Her calls etc..
I wouldn't let him come to see me be with me at my home.This is when he decided that he could nolonger say or tell me that he Loved me!!! An alarm went off letting me know what all his actions ways etc... was really all about! But even before this I was picking up on all the RED Flags that were flying right in front of my face. All I will say Now Is God is my Advenger!!!! And that Karma Is For Real a true factor to life in people hurting and using other people to feed their needs and Ego's!!!
Least your narc didn’t just say out of nowhere that you guys arnt dating. Apparently we must have broken up somewhere yet it’s news to me because I’ve been doing shit for him. I’ve turned down many dates with random guys I met over these last two years and since he couldn’t tell me exactly when we officially broke up I still felt committed and didn’t want him feeling left out, cheated on or uncomfortable. He’s probably doing something behind my back because each time I go to wake him up to move over and go to sleep, he startles awake and says what’s wrong. I got asked to go see the eclipse with some people I’ve been debating going, but I feel bad so it seems like I’m going to just not go to another event I could have met someone, then regret when we have another argument
@@amberg4131 if he says you aren’t together there’s probably someone else. I want you to care about yourself more than him. Men underestimate how many guys we turn down just for them. As for the eclipse I REALLY think you should go, and do this for yourself. If he isn’t caring about you or your relationship then you need to care about you, and be open to a new relationship.
No contact is absolutely the road to healing..had enough of their shit. Thank you for your videos...I'm loving myself now❤
When you learn to truly love yourself, you'll fund it easier to cut the contact with the narc permanently. The toxic energy will not be welcomed in your life.
When he said “Don’t try to one up me..cuz at the end of the day my lack of empathy kick in and I’ll be like you did this to yourself” I’m sorry but that was funny af 😂😂😂😂😂
It’s sooo true!!! U can’t beat their lack of empathy. They…just….don’t….care!
@@bobbiefritz2525 It always blows my mind just how little they care about people lol wow.
@@Calicandyyy lol me too i say to myself now surely they have to care about “xyz “ …but nope.
😂😂😂
That person is so selfish!!
My ex had me questioning my own dang reality for real! When he threw me away like yesterday's trash I didn't know how to even function anymore. I basically had to relearn living. Oooh Lord let me Pray for that man because I feel the anger rearing its ugly narcissistic stained self right now.
It sounds like me
Same!
I started taking care of myself. Doing my hair, nails, going out. I was in a bad way for years, with him affecting me. It upset him more than me staying miserable and down. I also removed myself from being near him even though we lived in the same house. I was seriously sick all the time, anxiety and illness for the 30 years I was with them. Now, being away from him, I have no health issues. Narcissists rot everything they get near. You ultimately have to care for you first anyway no matter who you are with. You first!
This is about keeping your sanity. Keeping in the now and keep on your focus in the now. Narcissist gain their power by controlling people and getting a reaction and then gaslighting and saying your reality of what they did is not what they really did. You have to keep your sense of reality.
Ah…my ex narc is a nurse in a mental institution. 😳 That makes a lot of sense! Thanks!
Nurses?? 😂. I'm a nurse lol.
@@cinnamon1277 so sorry I should have spelled checked thank you for a great sense of humor.
They are pros at twisting reality
This can be very hard to do looking back having people that I love and trusted the most gas like me for years on end really plays with somebody's head so keeping a strong sense of self and your reality is important
I did it! No contact, some other poetic justice happened too but I didn’t do it to him.
Sometimes and Some people have too much empathy toward people that hurt them and others. People have to put logic before emotions to protect themselves and others. There's times people have to cut emotions off. Some people and sometimes people don't always deserve empathy. There's nothing wrong with being civilized but keep emotions out of some situations. I appreciate your advice and it hasn't been wrong yet. My narcissistic father says "it's killing him" that my sister and I cut him out of our lives. (no contact)
Exactly. Logic is the biggest defence for Empaths . Always be super logical, every second. It keeps these people away
It's not about pain or about hurting them. Its about empowering yourself.. wonderful words..
Self esteem,self worth, self confidence … are the keys to freedom, and the protection required to make crossover moves when you see a narc coming!
Stay strong!
“When you grow, you glow.” Yes! YES!! I love that, thank you!! ❤
You are so welcome!
My narcissistic ex was so cold that he got mad at me for everything and was never appreciative of me and the kids. He treated us like filt and would do everything for others to impress them. The last strike for me was when I had foot surgery done and he didn't see it fit to come by to help me with anything, I called him ungrateful, and that blew him off. At that point, we broke up. In that same breath, he promised to help with whatever we need but is never able to help in any way. Sometimes, I don't even know how to explain this situation.
Revenge is not mine to give. I protected my well-being.
I let go and let God . HE disciplined him perfectly.
For the remainder of his life.
He asked me what’s wrong and I said what’s wrong every thing past 8 years and when I did, calmly, he damn near pushed me out the car, yelling, cursing, screaming, knocked things out of my hand. I got out and blocked him on everything I could and we have two children together and idgad. He too toxic for my children and I. He doesn’t believe it’s over but he will. Lee you really don’t know how your videos have been helping for past year now. You are a God send, I pray you continue to grow and heal as well❤❤❤
My body naturally shuts them down. The supply just dies after they say hurtful things. And after surviving so many narcissists my nervous system triggers and gives an auto response of telling it how it is. Showing them the proof of everything and recalling everything from memory. Its probably a PTSD response....my poor body. My psychiatrist says my body has rewired and made these responses to survive and repel. Never knew the body could do that.
Yes. My body does that. In fact, I'm currently in that mode. So grateful. Our bodies are absolutely amazing.
"When you grow you glow!" Amen to that Lee. Blessings 🙌
Hi Lee.. I agree with everything you say, up to a certain point. That point is when you have worked out already how to deal with the narcissistic personality & have cut from them, had some space, but you also value them as a person in your life in some ways, & you also realise they've suffered from growing up with narcissistic parents, they also do feel remorse & guilt & shame & even if they are toxic sometimes, they also do self reflect. Also when you have studied so much about the spectrum of narcissism you have worked out that virtually everyone in your family & friend group & social group & everyone you've ever met also have variable aspects of their personality, some good, some bad, & everyone is a blend of different aspects of different personality styles depending on context & working out whatever the best & most peaceful way to deal with people in general in a healthy way, means recognising everyone needs space, but also everyone needs connection to their family & social group to survive, & working out how to survive in a way that respects yourself while respecting others while also having compassion for others without letting them abuse you is the most peaceful idea. That's the state I'd like to achieve. I don't want to blame anyone. I just want to live in peace & if anyone starts to blame me, I just want to learn how to deflect that energy in a peaceful, constructive, useful positive transformational way. Tai chi style. ✌🏼
Be careful when you go no contact….a lot of people die so be discreet
Who dies
@@sha7786 the supply
Just telling the truth or being your authentic self will hurt a narcissist...Glow up or Shut up!!! Love this channel!!!!!
It's about making your focus you and your own happiness. Because narcissistic people are 100% the "misery loves company" type and to keep others down is empowering to them. And since they're usually only concerned with themselves you want to take their power away shift your focus from them because they like to be the center of attention to yourself making you the center of your attention focus your efforts and energies on yourself that's cutting their legs right out from under them
I'm using my son's phone to post. At the moment I left my narcissist husband no papers involved or no ties, culturally married. Next month would be 8 years. I had too take my son out of this situation before something bad happens. Lee Hammock is my Hero Thank you for waking me up.
I literally spent ALL my time with him. Waiting on him hand and foot. Showed my love and loyalty to him in many ways. Then when I decide to just have an early dinner with a girlfriend, that he knew about, was aware of, and had no problem with at the time. A few weeks later he tells me that he was not a priority in my life and I didnt care about him and now all of a sudden, he had made all these plans for that particular night that I hung out with my girlfriend that I was not even aware of. This has happened anytime I decide to do anything without him(not often at all), even my children, and other family. Im soooooo tired of this back and forth. This is obviously a form of control. I know that no one will probably read this, Im just venting.
If you're tired of the back and forth it falls on you to take action. Staying in a relationship where you don't feel.valued is a tremendous waste of time
@@MentalHealness You are right, Thanks
Thank you for your comment. I deal with the EXACT same things and more! Brings me some comfort and insight that this is validation that THAT is NOT normal or ok.
No we read it sweetie
My children's father used to do the same thing. He's been my ex for more than 30 years. You deserve better!!!
3:00 4:20 5:50 8:00 "when you grow, you glow. Let go, and grow. Go no contact. Ghost. Cut them off. Turn off the supply. Take your power back."
Totally blocked him, gone no contact, no supply ,nothing for almost 3 months, it's about giving love and nurturing to me now ✨
The best revenge is a good life.
So true. I recently cut off supply finally. It's been a long time coming and I feel liberated, free if you will! When the narcissist knew I knew, they played the victim (started crying and said "well if that's how you feel I won't ever call you again") and had the nerve to hang up on me (click)! All because I told the narcissists that they in fact are not my real friend, lover, they don't have my best interests at heart, and I simply don't want people like that in my life etc...!!
I so needed to hear this! My Narc went from I love you and I don't want to lose you to literally next day,- I hate you and want you out of my life, you ruined my life. 31 years I wasted and he completely drained the shit outta me. The more I try ignore him the more he comes around. ffs.
It's very big of you to admit that you are a narcissist and that you are in therapy. And then your heart is big because you're spreading awareness and trying to help people who are dealing with it and have been a victim to it. No be small tin o!!! Respect!
😂😂😂 what you don’t understand about narcs is a lot. He doesn’t have a big heart for other people, he runs this channel for supply. You CANT think or view narcissistic s from your own empathetic lens. You must be objective! You may think he’s trying to do good to help others, but look at the merch, everything is about him. Narcs dream 😂🎉
Ultimately, no contact with the narcissist is the TRUTH that will set you free!
‼️
I was asked out to the same place we had our first date for a "fresh start." I didn't want to but I had to finially say No, completely blocked them and didn’t wait for a reaponse. I felt a relief, a weight off of my heart, but still feel sad it had to come to that. Better for my mental and emotional health.
I done it few times, but failed..the longest I was no contact was 14 days..sometimes is better do it slow but steady.
My family lost their “god damn minds” after I went no contact and launched an impressive smear campaign that is now coming to light. At first I was mad, and that turned into sad, and eventually it just broke my heart. As you’ve said in previous videos narcissism can infect like a virus. It’s more like a plague, that’s infected the community I live in. But your videos have informed me to just stay strong and continue No Contact. The truth will rise through all of their pervertedness. Thank you for the information you provide. It’s helped me more than you can know. Thank you 🙏
Thanks for your videos they have helped me tremendously, I have blocked finally and I feel better. Your videos actually helped me to finally block my ex who is “I think” and so does my therapist is a covert narcissist. I serve the purpose of helping him to feel better about himself. He always makes me feel unimportant somehow and I though it was me being needy but I’m just a normal woman who wants to be happy. I have no idea how I didn’t see through this guy but I did. I am going to get my glow back on! Thanks Lee, I enjoy your delivery, it gives me a much needed giggle!
My fiancé is a undiagnosed narcissist, and when I treat him like he treats me he always ask “Why do you hate me” and does the attempting to blame me for any and everything. We have been friends since childhood and it breaks my heart to see him basically imploded
YES...holy crap...I thought I was nuts..truly
Not trying to be funny but why is he your fiancé? Is he getting help?
Wowwww. They really don't like getting a taste of their own medicine and a reality check 😂
Mine says “I know you hate me.” Not really, but he thinks hate is love.
"Turn off the spigot" I loved that, totally made my day... Bc that's exactly what I'm doing, thank you for confirming that. Although I'm def not doing it to punish him, I'm doing it bc he doesn't deserve, appreciate or honor my time and I'm not allowing him to siphon off me anymore, plain n simple 🙏⚔️⚖️
"When you grow, you glow."
-Lee Hammock
Thank you. I'm starting the journey of self-love and healing.
Yes exactly ! You will never satisfy them! They will never be happy! They will never admit they are wrong! They will never came about you like you care about them! Leave and never have any contact with them! You deserve your sanity and peace of mind!
I have been listening to you for months and you have helped me understand the abuse isn't my fault. Yes I lost myself I'm working on me now.Thank you
At 70 starting my life atlast ! lovely episode !!!
🙏🏽
I will forget this in time! Hope the notifications work!!!
save to watch later 😉
@@Kfritzc where did they hide the watch later box?
Aha! Open the current video to watch let, once there, you can find it!
@@Indy__isnt_it yeah, or from the thread, click on those three dots on the right and click watch later from the drop down list
This deserves a million likes
I prefer to hit a narcissist with the truth because the truth hurts. They are emotional vampires and like showing off because they think they're better than you and they like belittling you as well. Be true to yourself and defend what you believe in 🥰 ❤ 😉
I just recently ended a relationship .....I've done this many times with this fool, in the past, but he has lingered outside my home; blown up my phone; constantly texted/emailed; left gifts on the doorstep......I had to call the police!
This happened a lot, but then, I would allow myself to be sucked back in, by his crying; pleading; promising; desperation, ETC😮 But, I'm DONE, now. I have health issues, and I believe if I continue this, it will destroy me, and I am WORTHY of SO MUCH MORE!!
By the grace of God, I'm moving forward, and feeling so much lighter, and healthier, in doing so. Feels like a yolk has been removed from my neck!! "Can you feel a .....BRAND NEW DAY!!!" ( **The Wiz**😅)
Easing on down the road, in love, and light! ❤🙏🏼💯🌞🦋
Be yourself because you always have been yourself!! Only now your stronger because you are stronger being yourself. Never be ashamed of who you are. Especially when you know the truth! Protect those closest to you always. Thanks Lee! 🙂🌹
If you cut off what you are doing for the narcissist because of the narcissist's actions, the narcissist will take revenge. Even if you go "no contact," they will try to do something to you. If you are not serving them, they will get revenge.
🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽 Know your worth ❤️
1:30 i love watching you explain i laugh so hard and it helps me spot narcs only love
I really wish my ex could acknowledge he has a problem and go into therapy. He’s seen a therapist but I know he’s lied to them because they’ve got nothing but praise for him. Seeing how you’ve grown by acknowledgment your issues is amazing and if he could do that we could have had such a different life.
We went for couple counseling to see if things could improve between us. The first thing my ex said after the first appointment was that the therapist was on my side and in my favour. Probably because I had done the research and arranged the appointment, that's what I thought at the time, at least. I suggested my ex find another counseling. That was the end of the counseling. Unfortunately only after my leaving and going no contact, did I discover the traits of narcissistic personalities and found those answers that I couldn't ever find before or even want to believe that a person can be so detached.
A therapist will not help them because they will never look at their inner self. To them the world is divided in two kinds of people, those that think like them and all the rest that are wrong. Period.
I learned after years of dealing with narcissists, including my mother that what throws them off balance is TAKING YOUR POWER BACK. There is a difference between silent treatment and removing your energy completely from that person. Silent treatment means you are still acknowledging them, take your energy away. They are non existent, if a family member or coworker and you must talk to them I do like I would talk to a complete stranger that just happens to stop me to ask for directions. Normal minus the emotion. If you attract narcissists I do recommend to find out why. Sometimes the lack of self confidence is what attracts them. Perfect target. I know you can do it! Trust me once you figure it out and get your power back they will see you coming and keep walking at a faster pace.😊 Blessings❤
Thank you for advise
I was a happy person too and a woman did this too me I don’t even know how to smile or be happy are joke anymore…sorry to hear that I feel your pain god bless you
I'm ready to get my glow up!!🥰
They lost themselves, & often don't fully realize, than they are drained.