I found this discussion helpful, thank you ✋✋. I am a stay at home mom with a 4.5yo son and he just got a little sister in September (2 months ago). I've noticed our relationship change over the last 2 months and the mom guilt is really hitting me 😥. He is upset more, and seems a bit angry/ or deeply hurt by me with this change of having a new sibling, and I'm struggling with how to connect+reassure+discuss+probe the situation with him. I love my son, and it hurts to see him feel bad, and also hurts to see our relationship change 💔
Firstly congrats!!! I hope to make a video to respond to you. In the meanwhile, check this video out for your guilt. ruclips.net/video/jhWA3hIvU9k/видео.html
The thing to keep in mind is that for some children, no matter how hard you work to help them prepare for and adjust to a new family or household member, they may still have some level of difficulty coping. They may say things like, "my family/household is my parents/guardians, and me," "you had/adopted my (sibling, cousin, foster sibling, friend, pet, etc.) just to show me how much you didn't love me," or, "when I grow up, I'm only going to have one kid." If they say things like this, try not to act too hurt, or say things like, "what about (sibling, friend, foster sibling, cousin, pet, etc)," "how would you like it if your (sibling, foster sibling, friend, cousin, pet, etc.) said that," or, "what if your partner wants two kids?" I know it will be hard, because you want your kids to love each other, but try as hard as you can. Instead, think about how YOU would feel if you had your parents (or the adults you lived with) all to yourself for a period of time, and then along came another family or household member. Think of how YOU would feel if everything now had to be centered around the new family or household member and their nap time, feedings, homework, bathroom outings, activities, etc. Think about how YOU would feel if all family or household outings, vacations, or other family or household activities now had to be something the new family or household member could join you guys in, even though you felt like you had outgrown most of them. Another thing that might help is to, at least occasionally, tell the new family or household member things like, "I'm getting Ava a snack, but I'll help you when I'm done," or, "I'll help you in a few minutes, I've got to help Jake get ready for karate class." Think about how YOU would feel if your parents (or the adults you lived with when you were growing up) were constantly telling you things like, "I'll help you in a minute, I'm changing the baby's diaper," or, "I have to take the dog outside to go to the bathroom, but I will help you when I'm done." You might feel more like a 'second choice,' or 'plan B,' than a valued member of the family or household.
Very superficial advice. Sorry to be the asshole. Those things are obvious to any person with common sense. I have a curve ball : my twins will be 21 months when their sister is coming. They do not understand much yet. Of course, attention, love, time with mom. They alos just started taking toys from each other... Well, I guess I will figure it out as I go. Most advice online is exactly the same: give attention and let toddler help with baby. Thanks, we're not stupid, it's common sense
Surprisingly few videos on this topic new addition to our family coming next week!!!! Just trying to get prepared so thank you!!!
I found this discussion helpful, thank you ✋✋. I am a stay at home mom with a 4.5yo son and he just got a little sister in September (2 months ago). I've noticed our relationship change over the last 2 months and the mom guilt is really hitting me 😥. He is upset more, and seems a bit angry/ or deeply hurt by me with this change of having a new sibling, and I'm struggling with how to connect+reassure+discuss+probe the situation with him. I love my son, and it hurts to see him feel bad, and also hurts to see our relationship change 💔
Firstly congrats!!! I hope to make a video to respond to you. In the meanwhile, check this video out for your guilt. ruclips.net/video/jhWA3hIvU9k/видео.html
The thing to keep in mind is that for some children, no matter how hard you work to help them prepare for and adjust to a new family or household member, they may still have some level of difficulty coping. They may say things like, "my family/household is my parents/guardians, and me," "you had/adopted my (sibling, cousin, foster sibling, friend, pet, etc.) just to show me how much you didn't love me," or, "when I grow up, I'm only going to have one kid." If they say things like this, try not to act too hurt, or say things like, "what about (sibling, friend, foster sibling, cousin, pet, etc)," "how would you like it if your (sibling, foster sibling, friend, cousin, pet, etc.) said that," or, "what if your partner wants two kids?" I know it will be hard, because you want your kids to love each other, but try as hard as you can. Instead, think about how YOU would feel if you had your parents (or the adults you lived with) all to yourself for a period of time, and then along came another family or household member. Think of how YOU would feel if everything now had to be centered around the new family or household member and their nap time, feedings, homework, bathroom outings, activities, etc. Think about how YOU would feel if all family or household outings, vacations, or other family or household activities now had to be something the new family or household member could join you guys in, even though you felt like you had outgrown most of them.
Another thing that might help is to, at least occasionally, tell the new family or household member things like, "I'm getting Ava a snack, but I'll help you when I'm done," or, "I'll help you in a few minutes, I've got to help Jake get ready for karate class." Think about how YOU would feel if your parents (or the adults you lived with when you were growing up) were constantly telling you things like, "I'll help you in a minute, I'm changing the baby's diaper," or, "I have to take the dog outside to go to the bathroom, but I will help you when I'm done." You might feel more like a 'second choice,' or 'plan B,' than a valued member of the family or household.
This was so freaking helpful!! THANK YOU❤❤❤ Lots of really great advice. We're due now any day with baby #2!
So happy you found it helpful! 😍 congratulations!!!
What if my toddler doesn’t care to carry the baby
You are pin pointing to very detail scenarios and mental emotions🍓😊🥙🥪🤗🥦🍭🍼🍲🍯amazing video. I have siblings.⛳🤗😭🌮.
Very superficial advice. Sorry to be the asshole. Those things are obvious to any person with common sense.
I have a curve ball : my twins will be 21 months when their sister is coming. They do not understand much yet. Of course, attention, love, time with mom. They alos just started taking toys from each other... Well, I guess I will figure it out as I go. Most advice online is exactly the same: give attention and let toddler help with baby. Thanks, we're not stupid, it's common sense