I originally found you on TikTok and I just have to say how much I love you videos. Please keep them coming. I also love that you’re open about being a Christian. Your voice is so soothing and you explain things SO well. Thank you for what you do. I look forward to more!
At the beginning when you spoke about religious background, boundary violations, and being servant-ly really resonated with me. I honestly never thought to consider that as a reason for why I’m terrible at boundaries
Why doesn't this have more views!?? This is so underrated! This is LITERALLY my current relationship. We both agreed a few nights ago, that after 3 yes, we both want to end it but it's worth one more try. We can't afford therapy or counseling so I'm using your videos to delve into what's troubling us and hoping for a fix. So far youre hitting all the nails on the head. Thank you for sharing your knowledge with us 🙏🏻
This was really thought provoking. Thank you for sharing the perspective. "that usually means more conflict in the short term so that you can have less resentment and fear in the long term" This makes so much sense. I've seen that resentment form over time in past relationships.
this is the first video I’ve watched of yours aside from your tik toks and it feels so helpful :) I just got out of my first relationship and I’ve been looking back on things I did wrong or could have improved on, and it’s so nice to hear you give this advice and learn how to put it to use in my future relationships. thank you for sharing :)
You literally hit emotional nerves in myself, my husband, family.... Everything you discuss resonates and heals. THANK YOU. These are such vital and helpful tools to help navigate emotional rides.
You are so inspirational and watching you makes me want to be a better person! I find it so refreshing, and it's so nice to feel understood and get context to the issues that I deal with on an ongoing basis. Thank you so much for putting these videos together!
Thank you!!! This is eye opening and I am suddenly awakened to how I have no boundaries to ANYONE in my life. I thought I did with my immediate family while I let neighbors and friends run over me, clearly I need to get myself straightened out. LOL I have been in therapy/counseling for three years, yet one video woke me up. So good!!!
First I have to say that I found you on ticktock and I watch you often. Love your calm nature and beautiful advice. I also wanted to say that my 4 year old tells me , when we watch that he wants your hair lol strange kid😄🤷♀️
You just stepped into my home and my marriage. I never thought of our inability to find a common ground on some things as a boundary. My husband will react to my being upset over his clutters and messes by playing computer games for hours. This usually violates our mutually agreed “no gaming before the kids are in bed” rule, which of course I take as him shutting me out.
Wow, I feel like you described a similar situation I was in with my ex-husband. Thank you for talking about this. There are two people in a relationship that are responsible for their actions. Communication is key. 💛 What would you do if you do talk about this and the other doesn’t respond to the questions you used/doesn’t respond? Thanks
Me before watching this video: I have great boundaries! Me 20 seconds into the video: Oh *rapidly taking notes all the way through* (Jokes aside, thank you for a fantastic video even though I'm very late in discovering it!)
I want you to know, I just discovered you, technically, as you were shared and highly referenced by a friend (I take credit for moving past the share unto more of your video library 😅)…With that said, you were right, the book BOUNDARIES is phenomenal. It saddens me that it took me 48.95 years to discover that truth-and you.
Hey Matthias, first off, i love your content and i found you through tiktok. Second, I wanted to ask you this: should you try to establish boundaries when you're 3 months in a non committed relationship (that of course you're still looking forward to be in)?
In the end you mention that not using ultimatums but also that Karen’s not doing the laundry when it’s not in the basket is a form of an ultimatum. I’m wondering if the difference between an ultimatum or an expectation with consequences is the consequence itself. Is the difference between a toxic ultimatum and okay boundary the consequence being a positive reinforcer vs a negative reinforcer of the prevention variety? I just want to be sure I’m understanding the concept because ultimatum has been such a bad connotation in my experience but I see the denotation isn’t necessarily bad. Thanks!
I’m such in a struggle with a situation of my child setting boundaries on discipline with my significant other and it’s hard b/c I’m to the point to where I’m wanting to live separately but not separate. What can I do and say?
I feel like the relationship I am in is in such a rough place rn because we dont set any boundaries. Name calling. Using my past against me. Raising his voice. Going to another topic of something else that I did wrong instead of talking about the current topic of what we did to hurt eachothers feelings in the current moment. I'm Feeling invalid. I'm feeling like I have to walk on eggshells to please him. He says that he is unhappy with the way that things are and it hurts to know he is unhappy. What can we do to communicate better? He says that I have to prove to him that I've changed in order for this to work. He says I'm a narcissist. And I'm not sure what that is so I've made appointments to see a therapist and get some help for my toxic traits starting this December. But I feel as though that's not enough. Ive alsoclooked into couples counseling.I'm lost. Idk what to do. How can we both set boundaries for one another with understanding. Any advice?
Have you ever heard of NPD Narcissistic personality disorder? your relationship sounds like what I went through for 23 years and than finally arrived was able to get out with help from my therapist.
I'm not a therapist, but try to sit together down, drink some tea/coffe/juice and talk about what you guys want. Maybe, what you two want is different. Maybe, what you guys expect from each other does not fit, but it is not your guys fault, it is because you guys do not fit each others expectations. This happens a lot of times when people don't see their mistakes. Your boyfriend sounds like someone who does not see their own mistakes. Try to show his mistakes and hold his hands and talk about this, why you guys blaim each other, why you guys don't understand each other. I think the main reason is that you guys like to blaim the other one. Look, I know it is not easy, but maybe he is not the right one. If you want then break up, because if you try multiple times with yourself, but it does not work then maybe the problem is him and not you.
The thing that helped me was a few things. Gary Chapman Love Languages and 5 Love Language Apology Book #nowmarriedfifteenyears I broke trust in a harmful way to my relationship. And from what I understand from your comment our experiences were similar in how the husband responded. After days and weeks and maybe it was months of hashing and rehashing and me being open, honest, and transparent, and surrendering any and all my privacy, to the point I felt like his repeative asking about the occurrence was damaging me as a person. I was exasperated and said I can't create and build a better future for us or myself if you are going to continue to hold the past over me. ((That was my boundary)) then I said I am forever going to be sorry and regretful for hurting you, but if you can't love me for the wife I am learning to be or trying to be then we need to have a different conversation. Luckily calling him out got him to show up. And he admitted his part of excessive asking and did allow me to grow and develop. It was still hard work, but it got easier after I set that boundary. I wish you peace and comfort Sweet Girl!
So when you’ve tried the boundaries and they still push, and and you’ve stated you’re not washing the clothes in the hamper and still they don’t respond in an affective way…what then?
So what if this is your exact situation? I'm Karen. I take it personally that he doesn't want to help with very minimal things, as I see it, but what if you can't not do the laundry? What if your need to take care of them is stronger?
Wow. Your videos seem so artificially acted and scripted, almost like you’re an actor reading from a teleprompter. I think you’ve violated my boundaries. Goodbye!
This confuses me on a boundary that I have set in my marriage! Do you have a way I can contact you via email to help me clarify. Because this is the very first boundary I've set.
I'm gonna message you everyday until you get ahold of me. And agree to help me. I live in washington... And I will drive all the way to kentucky... In order to get what I need... Nothing stopping me but me.
I originally found you on TikTok and I just have to say how much I love you videos. Please keep them coming. I also love that you’re open about being a Christian. Your voice is so soothing and you explain things SO well. Thank you for what you do. I look forward to more!
I definitely came to get advice for a friend and stayed when I realized how im in that...cycle. and had no idea how to approach it
At the beginning when you spoke about religious background, boundary violations, and being servant-ly really resonated with me. I honestly never thought to consider that as a reason for why I’m terrible at boundaries
Why doesn't this have more views!?? This is so underrated! This is LITERALLY my current relationship. We both agreed a few nights ago, that after 3 yes, we both want to end it but it's worth one more try. We can't afford therapy or counseling so I'm using your videos to delve into what's troubling us and hoping for a fix. So far youre hitting all the nails on the head. Thank you for sharing your knowledge with us 🙏🏻
Boundaries are telling the truth and not lying spoke to me so much. I love your videos
I love your calm presence & how you explain things. 😌🥰👏👏👏
Keep up the awesome job, be you.. 👍
This was really thought provoking. Thank you for sharing the perspective.
"that usually means more conflict in the short term so that you can have less resentment and fear in the long term"
This makes so much sense. I've seen that resentment form over time in past relationships.
Can I just say your content is so amazing. Pls continue appearances 💫
Wow. This was really good.
this is the first video I’ve watched of yours aside from your tik toks and it feels so helpful :) I just got out of my first relationship and I’ve been looking back on things I did wrong or could have improved on, and it’s so nice to hear you give this advice and learn how to put it to use in my future relationships. thank you for sharing :)
I’m reading that book (well listening to it!) and I love this video so much! All your content! Thank you!
You literally hit emotional nerves in myself, my husband, family.... Everything you discuss resonates and heals. THANK YOU. These are such vital and helpful tools to help navigate emotional rides.
You are so inspirational and watching you makes me want to be a better person! I find it so refreshing, and it's so nice to feel understood and get context to the issues that I deal with on an ongoing basis. Thank you so much for putting these videos together!
I love your work, really appreciate the content. Thanks, Matthias
Thank you!!! This is eye opening and I am suddenly awakened to how I have no boundaries to ANYONE in my life. I thought I did with my immediate family while I let neighbors and friends run over me, clearly I need to get myself straightened out. LOL I have been in therapy/counseling for three years, yet one video woke me up. So good!!!
You have such a beautiful way of wording things. You’ve really changed my perspective on boundaries. I really needed that. Thank you and great work 💕
I love your voice and the words thank you
I love the The quality of the video and the camera you are using.❤
I love listening to this story again
It really adds individual value to both of them. Great example Matthias 👌🏽
This is so well spoken.
Every scenario you talk about is exactly how it is with my boyfriend. Thank you for your videos!
I’m sharing this with all of the families on my case load!
Love ya brother!
First I have to say that I found you on ticktock and I watch you often. Love your calm nature and beautiful advice. I also wanted to say that my 4 year old tells me , when we watch that he wants your hair lol strange kid😄🤷♀️
this is so helpful
You just stepped into my home and my marriage. I never thought of our inability to find a common ground on some things as a boundary. My husband will react to my being upset over his clutters and messes by playing computer games for hours. This usually violates our mutually agreed “no gaming before the kids are in bed” rule, which of course I take as him shutting me out.
Wow, I feel like you described a similar situation I was in with my ex-husband. Thank you for talking about this. There are two people in a relationship that are responsible for their actions. Communication is key. 💛 What would you do if you do talk about this and the other doesn’t respond to the questions you used/doesn’t respond? Thanks
So.freaking.good. You should this up on insta!
Me before watching this video: I have great boundaries!
Me 20 seconds into the video: Oh
*rapidly taking notes all the way through*
(Jokes aside, thank you for a fantastic video even though I'm very late in discovering it!)
I want you to know, I just discovered you, technically, as you were shared and highly referenced by a friend (I take credit for moving past the share unto more of your video library 😅)…With that said, you were right, the book BOUNDARIES is phenomenal. It saddens me that it took me 48.95 years to discover that truth-and you.
Hey Matthias, first off, i love your content and i found you through tiktok. Second, I wanted to ask you this: should you try to establish boundaries when you're 3 months in a non committed relationship (that of course you're still looking forward to be in)?
You have jst became my therapist
What if your wife isn't accommodating or doesn't want to meet in the middle?
In the end you mention that not using ultimatums but also that Karen’s not doing the laundry when it’s not in the basket is a form of an ultimatum. I’m wondering if the difference between an ultimatum or an expectation with consequences is the consequence itself. Is the difference between a toxic ultimatum and okay boundary the consequence being a positive reinforcer vs a negative reinforcer of the prevention variety? I just want to be sure I’m understanding the concept because ultimatum has been such a bad connotation in my experience but I see the denotation isn’t necessarily bad. Thanks!
How do you set a boundary with a teenager who doesn’t respond to your texts, but they expect you to respond to theirs?
But what do you do when you question but they have a history of lying so you don't trust their answer when it doesn't make sinfe to you.
I’m such in a struggle with a situation of my child setting boundaries on discipline with my significant other and it’s hard b/c I’m to the point to where I’m wanting to live separately but not separate. What can I do and say?
My daughter shared you with me and my other
I feel like the relationship I am in is in such a rough place rn because we dont set any boundaries. Name calling. Using my past against me. Raising his voice. Going to another topic of something else that I did wrong instead of talking about the current topic of what we did to hurt eachothers feelings in the current moment. I'm Feeling invalid. I'm feeling like I have to walk on eggshells to please him. He says that he is unhappy with the way that things are and it hurts to know he is unhappy. What can we do to communicate better? He says that I have to prove to him that I've changed in order for this to work. He says I'm a narcissist. And I'm not sure what that is so I've made appointments to see a therapist and get some help for my toxic traits starting this December. But I feel as though that's not enough. Ive alsoclooked into couples counseling.I'm lost. Idk what to do. How can we both set boundaries for one another with understanding. Any advice?
Have you ever heard of NPD Narcissistic personality disorder?
your relationship sounds like what I went through for 23 years and than finally arrived was able to get out with help from my therapist.
I'm not a therapist, but try to sit together down, drink some tea/coffe/juice and talk about what you guys want. Maybe, what you two want is different. Maybe, what you guys expect from each other does not fit, but it is not your guys fault, it is because you guys do not fit each others expectations. This happens a lot of times when people don't see their mistakes. Your boyfriend sounds like someone who does not see their own mistakes. Try to show his mistakes and hold his hands and talk about this, why you guys blaim each other, why you guys don't understand each other. I think the main reason is that you guys like to blaim the other one. Look, I know it is not easy, but maybe he is not the right one. If you want then break up, because if you try multiple times with yourself, but it does not work then maybe the problem is him and not you.
The thing that helped me was a few things. Gary Chapman Love Languages and 5 Love Language Apology Book #nowmarriedfifteenyears I broke trust in a harmful way to my relationship. And from what I understand from your comment our experiences were similar in how the husband responded. After days and weeks and maybe it was months of hashing and rehashing and me being open, honest, and transparent, and surrendering any and all my privacy, to the point I felt like his repeative asking about the occurrence was damaging me as a person. I was exasperated and said I can't create and build a better future for us or myself if you are going to continue to hold the past over me. ((That was my boundary)) then I said I am forever going to be sorry and regretful for hurting you, but if you can't love me for the wife I am learning to be or trying to be then we need to have a different conversation. Luckily calling him out got him to show up. And he admitted his part of excessive asking and did allow me to grow and develop. It was still hard work, but it got easier after I set that boundary. I wish you peace and comfort Sweet Girl!
So when you’ve tried the boundaries and they still push, and and you’ve stated you’re not washing the clothes in the hamper and still they don’t respond in an affective way…what then?
How do you set boundaries with parents when you’re still living at home?
By moving out
So what if this is your exact situation? I'm Karen. I take it personally that he doesn't want to help with very minimal things, as I see it, but what if you can't not do the laundry? What if your need to take care of them is stronger?
What was the title of the book mentioned in the episode?
The book title is "Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life"
Wow. Your videos seem so artificially acted and scripted, almost like you’re an actor reading from a teleprompter. I think you’ve violated my boundaries. Goodbye!
This confuses me on a boundary that I have set in my marriage! Do you have a way I can contact you via email to help me clarify. Because this is the very first boundary I've set.
I'm gonna message you everyday until you get ahold of me. And agree to help me. I live in washington... And I will drive all the way to kentucky... In order to get what I need... Nothing stopping me but me.