"Do you ever want to tell a client to just STOP complaining?" AKA23
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- Опубликовано: 12 авг 2020
- Audience Questions:
1. Hi Kati! I’ve heard of repressing bad memories, but is it possible to repress good memories? I had a traumatic childhood and have a lot of bad memories as a result, but as hard as I try, I can only recall a couple of good memories. I’ve been thinking a lot on this and trying to find answers online, but I can’t...
2. Hi Kati, Is it normal to be defensive and sad without knowing why? In front of people, I’m always snappy and mad. Everything is so...
3. How can you tell the difference between enough self-care to get through your day, and being too focused on yourself? I've been accused before of being too...
4. Hi Kati, I have a paper/picture-perfect family. The problem is, I have never felt loved or cared for. I know my parents love and care for me, but I never feel any of the love, care, and support I’m supposedly getting. It’s gotten to a point where I can’t bring myself to tell them anything. I can’t say “I am loved” to other people without feeling like I...
5. Dear Kati, I hope you are well. My therapist pointed out that I put a lot of effort into trying to stay a step ahead of her. I see what she means-- I am always trying to figure out what she thinks and tend to constantly edit what I...
6. Hi Kati! How can I forgive my parents for emotionally neglecting me as a child? Ever since I realized it happened, there is a lot of sadness, anger, and disappointment I feel towards them...
7. I was wondering which mental illnesses are chronic vs temporary, and why this is the case. Which can you fully recover from and which must you learn how to manage?
Hey Kati! Is it normal to feel reluctant about talking about sex-related trauma with my male therapist, and do you have any tips to make it easier? I don't get a choice of therapist, as my therapy is through the NHS...
8. Hey Kati! Is it normal to feel reluctant about talking about sex-related trauma with my male therapist, and do you have any tips to make it easier? I don't get a choice of therapist, as my therapy is through the NHS...
9. Hi Kati! Do you ever want to tell a client to just stop complaining? I feel like I have this never-ending sequence of circumstances in my life that when...
10. Hi Kati, is it normal to feel some sort of obsession with your therapist? I want to talk to her more often, I want to know more about her and I really really miss her right now as she is on holiday. Sometimes I even feel like I love her (though not in a romantic way!)...
11. Would a therapist ever ask to see their client's journal, and why?
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Are u ok?
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Kati does not currently offer online therapy, but she has partnered with BetterHelp who can connect you with a licensed, online counselor in your area: tryonlinetherapy.com/katimorton
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Развлечения
I have found Ask Katie anything so helpful. I am 71 years of age and am seeing a therapist for the first time in my life! I should have done this year's ago. I understand so much more about myself and am learning new ways of coping. You ARE never too old to sort out your shit! Thank you Katie as I find you so honest and helpful, and thank you too folks for your amazing questions.
Someone aknowledging that anxiety can have roots in reality already made my day.
*QUESTIONS + TIMESTAMPS:*
3:56 I’ve heard of repressing bad memories, but is it possible to repress good memories? I had a traumatic childhood and have a lot of bad memories as a result, but as hard as I try, I can only recall a couple of good memories. Wondering if you’ve seen or heard of this?
14:42 Is it normal to be defensive and sad without knowing why? In front of people, I’m always snappy and mad. Everything is so irritating and overwhelming! When I get home, I’ll spend the whole afternoon wanting to cry, but not able to. I’ll stay up late with a horrible tingling in my body and a sense of dread looming over me. Around 2 00- 2 30AM when the night air is completely quiet, I will completely break down and cry my heart out. I feel so numb, I can only see my feeling being expressed, but I can’t feel it or know what caused them. Why?!
21:18 How can you tell the difference between enough self-care to get through your day, and being too focused on yourself? I've been accused before of being too focused on myself, when I feel like I need some downtime. I'm still able to get done what needs to be done around my house, so I don't feel like I'm slipping into unhealthy habits, but how can you really know?
26:59 I have a paper/picture perfect family, but I have never felt loved or cared for. I know my parents love and care for me, but I never feel any of the love, care, and support I’m supposedly getting. I can’t say “I am loved” to other people without feeling like I was brainwashed. I can’t tell my parents “I love you” without feeling guilty because I don’t know if I do. Sometimes, I wish I was never their child. Am I crazy? Why can’t I just be a normal child in a normal family? Why can’t I feel loved? Am I going into a crazy fantasy about having teachers or friends’ parents as my parents?
34:49 My therapist pointed out that I put a lot of effort into trying to stay a step ahead of her. I see what she means-- I am always trying to figure out what she thinks and tend to constantly edit what I say, without even meaning to. It's like I'm trying to control the impressions I give her. I'll talk about any topic, but everything I say has been rehearsed and carefully chosen. I do this editing with everyone in my life, and I think it's part of why I don't feel as connected with others as I'd like. Have you had this come up with your patients? How do you help them be more forthright, spontaneous, and open?
43:13 How can I forgive my parents for emotionally neglecting me as a child?
51:04 I was wondering which mental illnesses are chronic vs temporary, and why this is the case. Which can you fully recover from and which must you learn how to manage?
55:57 Is it normal to feel reluctant about talking about sex related trauma with my male therapist, and do you have any tips to make it easier? I don't get a choice of therapist, as my therapy is through the NHS, and I feel we are a good fit in other aspects of my therapy. Even though I know I'm "safe" with him, it feels impossible to discuss certain things, but in particular sexual trauma involving my ex. Any advice?
1:01:14 Hi Kati! Do you ever want to tell a client to just stop complaining? I don’t want to complain all the time, I just don’t feel like I have much good or positive to talk about.
1:06:12 Is it normal to feel some sort of obsession with your therapist? Sometimes I even feel like I love her (though not in a romantic way!)
1:11:14 Would a therapist ever ask to see their client's journal, and why?
When you shatter something made of glass, blotting the floor with a piece of bread will help get the shards.
I’m finding this one much quieter than usual, my device volume is maxed and it’s still sounding quiet
I noticed this too.
ditto.
Same, I'm hearing impaired and having a rough time. Normally don't have trouble with Kati vids.
Yes, super quiet! I'll have to put the headphones in.
Same. I usually put this on, leave my phone on the bench and walk around the house doing my jobs but couldn't this time.. too quiet
Omg your podcast is literally the best thing ever because I’m both having a good time and even learning something 💜so thank you
This 26:58
"I've had a picture-perfect, good childhood, but I don't feel loved. I feel ungrateful for it. Now I find myself wishing that friends parents or teachers were my parents." (something like that).
That's exactly what I'm going through. I've grown up in a stable, fun and safe household, objectively seen. Had everything I needed, have had lots of fun with my parents and brothers, and always support for all my pursuits. But at the same time, there has never been any clear affection in our family. We never say "I love you" and rarely hug. I seriously hug my parents maybe 2-3 times a year. I've always thought of it like that's just the way we are, we don't get too emotional in front of each other, we just show love through playful teasing and involvement in each others lives. I know I'm loved as their child, but haven't felt approved of as an adult. My father is very passive, but kind and wise. While my mother, being very fun and charitable, is also kind of (covert) narcissistic and emotionally volatile.
But as I've grown older, not to mention all my struggles with fear of intimacy (that's is a complexs issue from many causes), I keep finding "substitute parents". A female teacher becomes a crush and a mother-fantasy all in one, or I suddenly find myself kind of taken in by another family while I do construction work for them, for example. I have seriously short-term lived with 4!! former female teachers while I did work for them. Nothing sexual has happened, but I somehow am "taken in" by them without even asking. I don't really feel like I need a father, but I desperately long for a mother who can approve of me, I have found. In every grown woman I subconsciously look for certain traits - like openness, sensitivity, personal strenght and authority, and then I project "mother" onto her and maybe even start to think I'm falling in love with her. I was in love with a female teacher for 4 years, like this. Still getting over that.
You know, as a child, I guess you kind of do fall in love with your mother. You have ultimate closeness and intimacy with her, you look into her eyes and (are supposed to) feel true love for her, just the way she is. And she looks back at you with that same love. It's like I want that, now, as an adult, with a woman. Nurturing love.
I'm so ashamed to feel like this. I want to be a man who falls in love with women, not a boy who seeks a mom, bringing all my complexes into every relationship.. I'm doing everything in my power to heal this wound so that I can feel like a confident man and connect with people more healthily.
But I wonder how many other men and women have a similar experience. Like a lack of emotional nurturing that leads into wanting that in other relationships as an adult.
You are so good Kati and helpful. Thank you.
Five primary love languages:
Words of affirmation.
Quality time. Physical touch.
Acts of service. Receiving gifts
I can relate to planning ahead in detail what I will say. I've done that, and I feel like I'm in a play just memorizing lines. It makes it not seem real and real is what I need to be if I'm going to get anything out of therapy.
I'm journaling while I listen to your soothing voice. Thank you for doing these AKA's.
Thank you for everything you do Kati. You have no idea how much you’ve helped me over the past 3 years. I’m forever thankful. Bless your heart. xxx
I have been loving all of your videos and these questions. Literally it has been helping me so much the more that I watch and listen. Thank you Kati!
"As long as we are optimistic", "as long as we have hope". Haha, when I am extremely pessimistic and don't feel any hope is of course when I really need my therapy at most.
Happy Thursday everyone. Thank you Kati for doing these, it’s truly appreciated and helpful. Also thank you to Jessica for sponsoring the podcast!
Anytime! Love Kati!
Hey all! It's Jessica Victoria. If you have any questions about me or my services, feel free to reply to this comment!
Thanks again Kati!
Thank you so much for answering my question Kati! You're amazing
Hi Kati. How to deal with constantly daydreaming and feeling disconnected with reality? I'm always daydreaming and creating characters and narratives (sometimes "me" is not even real-life me, but someone who was born in another country or that's pursuing a degree that's not what I'm planning to do, and so on) in my head to the point where I simply do not feel connected with reality anymore. This has become so present in my life that I feel embarrased to change clothes or take a shower because I feel like someone's watching me (even though I know that's not true) as my daydreams always have people in them.
Grounding is a good activity for this.
I have complex PTSD and used to disassociate under extreme stress.
When i started to feel like i was disconnecting and "checking out" i employed my 5 basic senses. For example:
1-2 things I can see.
1-2 things I can smell
1-2 things I can taste
1-2 things I can touch/feel
1-2 things i can hear
Maladaptive Daydreaming,
Forgetting it's AKA day and getting a notification about it is always great!
Very insightful interpretation about why some one is "editing" their interactions. Yay, Katie!
This podcast is gold, I am so thankful for it. Everyone's questions are so good and I can relate to a lot of them, even if I don't really struggle with the particular problem and Katis answers are just so helpful ❤
same here
Thank you for putting so much effort into your answer for question number 6. This is an issue I’ve been working on for a long time and what you said was really helpful!
Really interesting set of questions this week - thank you!!
“Verbal Diarrhea” LOL! That seriously made me giggle.
Thank you for answering my question!!
Thank you so much for answering my question!
I can’t wait for your book on trauma to come out!!
These podcasts are so helpful for so many of us. Thank you Kati. xoxox
Glad you like them!
This video was of great help to realize things about myself.
Great video beautiful 💜 Love what you do!
I had always struggled to understand what forgiving actually means so that was really insightful.
I love listening to these episodes every week while I'm trying to get stuff done around the house. The audio is always really super soft, though! I have to crank up the volume.
Its extra soft today!
A lot of aha moments are like well fuck man...OMG this is sooo true!!
I don't think I've ever had an aha moment in therapy, they've always been "oh fuck" or "oh shit" moments. To which my therapist tends to reply "Yep", which I love, lol.
Thank you Kati!
Those curtains in the background are so cute! :)
Love the podcast by the way!
Hi Kati! I am struggling. Both with my mental health and in therapy. I started therapy with my therapist when I was 16 and now I am almost 20 and though I canceled therapy two years in (thanks to my ED telling me to do so so it could thrive) I am now finally seeing her again, but still facing the same struggle: my brain switches off before therapy and makes it nearly, if not totally, impossible to access my emotions or thoughts. Sometimes I can't even remember the easiest things she asks me about, like what I had already done that day. This makes it SO hard to work on anything in therapy because I KNOW I am struggling so badly outside of therapy, but once I am in her office/open my laptop for video therapy I just feel numb and empty and unable to function. It gets to the point where I feel stupid for being there because all the pain I'd been feeling is gone in therapy, replaced by total brain fog and emotional numbness, which causes me to get really anxious about therapy.
I've told my therapist about this but i don't think we came to a solution or anything.
I am also clinging to my ED so that I have something to validate my pain and because I'm scared that without it my therapist will leave me because I can't verbalize my emotions and thoughts.
Love from Germany,
Lori
Sorry, I'm not Kati but I wanted to answer to your comment anyway.
The brain-fog sounds quite a bit like dissociation: The brain clocks out if the stress gets to high. At least that's what makes it hard for me to talk, listen and understand at times. There are dissociation-stop-techniques to counter that (I think Kati has at least one video about that, too).
Maybe journaling could help? Write the things down that you want to talk about in therapy and read it out loud during the session or give it to your therapist to read (or mail it in).
Also: Talk to your therapist about these issues, so that the two of you can find a way.
Your pain is valid! It is also valid without the ED!
@@kiskillilla223 thank you SO MUCH for replying! I agree that it might be dissociation as I am completely disconnected from my thoughts and feelings during therapy. It's super frustrating and scary. I really wish I could let that wall down at least during therapy but it seems to get higher and higher.
Thanks again for replying!!!
I always go blank when I go in, to get around that I have a deal with my therapist that I can text or email when something is going on so that they are aware of it and so know what to address when they see me. If yours isn't open to doing that write things down as they happen and then hand it to them when you walk in is another way that I have done it in the past too.
Thank you, very important topic🙏❤️. Will repost at our blog selfhelpchampion.
Hopefully this will motivate me to get out of bed today. I love this podcast!!!
Sarah. hello I'm nikki and I follow and watch kati every Thursday and opinions that don't matter on weekend s I come here to feel calm and relaxed and get important and helpful advice kati shares I like to meet new people each time I'm here kati s video s dose help me feel a bit better hope ok I send you a comment
You look radiant and beautiful 💜💜💜(as always)
thank you Kati
Question #5 Hit home. Im so happy you answered this question. OCD yes. I 100% agree. This is something I struggle with because I am a recovering people pleaser. Trying to manipulate situations so everyone feels good.
About the journal, I have severe anxiety and it took me years to be able to journal and I actually journal to my therapist. It helps me between sessions and it’s easier for me to write hard things down and hand her my journal to read.
Hello kati glad to receive this I seen my notification for a new ask kati anything podcast and straight away clicked on the notification to take me to this podcast I been waiting and looking forward to watching a new video this Thursday evening was bit late connecting to the video but I am glad to be here I posted a question for this podcast sadly missed getting it though to the podcast again I hopefully will get it though next time kati I will always come here for my relaxed and calm space with you and your helpful advice much love 😊
Here are some of Kati's videos about forgiveness in case you need it 🌻
How Do I Forgive Others or MYSELF??: ruclips.net/video/hdf2G61iPl4/видео.html
Why Is It So Hard To Forgive Ourselves?: ruclips.net/video/VS3kpKhETOY/видео.html
Forgiveness & Acceptance: ruclips.net/video/e61B2i6bpgk/видео.html
Why Is It So Hard To Forgive? : ruclips.net/video/pVCFSzR21qE/видео.html
Why I Can't Forgive You: ruclips.net/video/NSGC_1GwNGk/видео.html
Re Writing: NEVER DELETE! Cut and copy to a new doc etc but never delete! You were going somewhere which could come in handy later. Sometimes it just gets you started each day but never delete! 😁 Like journalling, everything you write has value.
I'm SO excited to read your book. Are you going to talk about anger in the book too? Like, how to overcome anger from being abused? I hope so. Fingers crossed.
Hi Kati, love your videos, it would be nice to have timestamps in this videos that are longer for every question you are answering!
The negative feelings I had about my dad I had buried a long time before I came into therapy. I talked about it so much in therapy because that was the best explanation I had for the way I was. If it wasn't that I don't know what it was. I think my therapist did not like me because I did talk about how damaging my dad had been a lot, and he was paying out of pocket for a LOT of psychological care. I sensed a dislike for me from my therapist, and I was thinking, "Aren't we supposed to be on the same side?" I think I just wasn't ready for psychotherapy.
The music intro sounds so like Colleen Balinger 💕 also love these videos !
Just to add a comment to a question number 11 when I was seeing my psychologist every week just 1 day a week on a Thursday she always asked how am I feeling also how was my week I never had journal honestly felt my therapy was a struggle I did have a list of things on a note app on my phone where I would write about my anxiety and my depression also my emotions and feelings that I'd take in to session but my psychologist wouldn't read it she told me I had to read it to her now I just have time where I take space for myself and think about my day how I feel and allow myself to share things thank you kati for being my go to video
Yay! Finally 🤗🤗🤗
Re: MI chronic? I live well with bipolar disorder. I will always carry the diagnosis, and I expect to always take meds for it, but I believe I can be in "remission" (like with cancer and any physical illness.) I can go off the deep end if I don't take care of myself or stop taking my medication etc.
T minus 56 minutes and 40 Seconds until J-Bomb drops!
Hi Kati,
My Father was a dictator and very manipulative person he did nothing for himself, (Thank GOD he's dead) my Mom worked to support the family. I don't ever think I was asked how my day was, I was hit in the face at school had a black eye know one even asked what happened. My father was salesman and a verbal abuser, he was more concerned about selling something instead of picking me up from school when I was sick and had a 2 hour lecture when we got home that something must be wrong with me.
I've been in Lifespan Integration Therapy and have realized I did not have a normal childhood.
With Lifespan Integration Therapy I'm not asked to do homework, is that normal for this type therapy? Love your channel!
Has anyone else had Lifespan Integration Therapy?
1:09:15, in Canada it is offensive to medical staff for a medical person to refer out. "It's like saying one is better than the other.". So no referral is given, often.
The sound level is too low indeed
SUP GUYS!!!! HAPPY THURSDAY!!! I hope everyone has a beautiful day ❤️❤️❤️
I can’t find this as a podcast?! Anyone else having this issue?
1:04:52, I think I
Hope is more relevant to wisdom plus courage. Most times people use it for the term the mean, wish. Hope can be defined as to want something to happen or be true and think that it could happen and be true.
29:27 The Emotionally Absent Mother
The Unavailable Father
That's what they are called
Hey Kati, How would I go about knowing whether if I still need therapy? I know it's been really helpful, I just don't know if I can really see an end in sight and it's beginning to feel a little overwhelming
Hey! When will this be up on spotify?
“Forgive and you Shall be Forgiven.” The only sensible Way to Live is to Forgive The Past..it is Past..it is Gone..there is Nothing you can do to change anything Now. You can Remember the past without becoming emotionally charged. The only thing you Can Do..is LIVE TODAY.
11:51, and read the journal a month later or something to see if anything perspective changed?
3:42, congrats!
I've seen several of your videos how ever this is my first OTDM video and I find the VOLUME a little LOW
Hello I have 3 therapy sessions but don’t see any signs of progress should I see another therapist or stick with her
I saw a post from somebody who has D.I.D who said they saw a butterfly that released a whole bunch of happy childhood memories they didn't think they had.
😁 i love ur videos
I almost feel like...since with cptsd, everything is so tangled, it's super difficult to recall a positive memory without recalling a negative association with that memory...so it's like whole areas of memory are just "off limits"...kind of like, there's a scary spider in the closet, so you just won't open the closet
Yeah... that's how I feel too.
I can’t find it on Spotify
DSM-V page 281 says Acute Stress Disorder is 3 days to 1 month.
19:42, is there a tendency for a person to believe the simple explanation to a cause of feeling can not be it because it is too simple?
Kati- Estranged parents of adult children are hurt and want reconciliation with our children as well as forgiveness - it works both ways. As a parent who has apologized sincerely and has done a lot of work in therapy ( both locally in person and by listening to your explanations and advice) I want to reconnect, reconcile and have a respectful adult relationship with a daughter who went no contact a year and a half ago. Please address the issue of parent/ adult estrangement from the perspective of the parent
P.S. - I am the child of emotional neglect also and I have forgiven my parents ( who are both deceased now) Thank you
Anyone else not finding this episode in their podcast app??
Since my parents got divorced, my mom has been bringing us gifts, giving us money and paying for our study. That's very nice at the time being but she's emotionally unavailable in all other areas. I feel as if she's my bank account but as a mother she's a toxic narcissist. I don't feel that we're connected through love. I feel like I owe her that money and once I pay her back I can cut her out. What do you think?
I've had to run the mile, and the pacer...i hated it with a passion in school...now I run 7 miles for fun 🤣 what's wrong with me lol
Where do I go online to submit a question?
Can someone share the verified quiz Kati talking about the love languages one?
Does anyone know how to deal with a sociopathic father? My dad manipulates the whole family, especially my younger siblings to believe my mum is destroying the family and that he is the victim. Luckily my mum managed to get out of the apartment but now my dad tries to keep the children away from her. My parents were in court once but he talked his way out while talking shit about my mum so the court said we should still live with our dad. He neglects his kids and they practically live off of sweets and instant food. The whole apartment is a chaos and I Don't know how to manage everything.
Sorry for this long text.
Haha, I always hate that "downward arrow questioning" thing. It always funnels down to "So does this REALLY help you right now? Is there ANY benefit?".... Email response: yes, let's plan on adding that to the agenda in the next session... In the meantime, in your opening sentence, I hear something else. I think we need to fact check that. Answer the following questions....me: Crap, I could have left that whole sentence out as it really didn't have anything to do with the true question, crap, crap, crap 🤦♀️extra J-💣s added now. And the sad thing is, I have learned what the answer is every time!! Will I ever learn?!?! 😬😂🤣
Kati u r beautiful ❤️
hi kati! i love aka’s because i have some of those same questions and am terrified to ask someone. i have a question about a past therapist i had. looking back at it now (it was in april of my freshman year of high school) she had me talk about my fears (i have too many tbh but people in my bubble is my biggest one) which is my trauma. it was probably sometime in may so like month two of seeing her. i started dissociating and getting REALLY uncomfortable. i believe her response to my breathing increasing was to slow it down but still pushed me through. after that, i started to get majorly anxious going into her office until i stopped seeing her in june of that year. is her reaction normal to what occurred? and why did i get super anxious going in, during, and coming out?
Kati Oh Kati... You said the J-💣 was coming slowly at question #8.... You had them dropping all over the place from question 1 on 😂🤣 They fly out of your mouth so naturally, that you didn't even notice lol lol lol
Phyllis, did you or did you not get Sue Grafton....
🤣
26:40, is it possible to have introvert amnesia? A person goes out and is like oh ya this is not fun for me.
@Opinions That Don't Matter -- FYI, your description has #8 built into #7 and not enumerated.
Yessss
The writing you do that doesn’t fit in your book, hopefully you keep. You can post it, as stuff that didn’t make the book but thought you should know. I know I would love any information you can provide. Just a thought. Thank you
19:17
Perhaps if you wouldn't delete it, your book will be not as good as without it, but hey! As a result you wouldn't be irritated! So why? Why people always make wrong decisions...
26:03
And if those makes you feel better? After all, 📕 ⚖️ 💵, 🚿 & 🖍️ too.
30:15
Are love languages cultural thing or is it, idk, firmware of the brain? I mean if you are living in a wild tribe somewhere i don't know where... do they give gifts to each other?
36:05 "many of them do fact checking, making sure they're using the words correctly"
omg, what an amazing people. really.
39:08
Hey! Why it didn't land at "therapy not worth it", huh? That way it makes more sense. Always patient/client fault...
1:01:45 "i don't ever tell clients to just stop complaining"
Isn't that the reason why people say "facade of professionalism". I mean she asked about "want to", not "tell to"
1:03:50 Ah, you just never had bad clients then.
Oh. Happy thuesday from the future, Kati! (that's the first thing i wanted to say. 🇸🇻 🇦🇺 🇸🇻)
Whoa, whoa, whoa...who are you, Kati, to say A LOT of our parents are abusive? Stop.
I had respect for you up til this point.
I'm done now.
? what
@@ghostie7790 🎭?
@@ghostie7790 it's gonna be ok.
She didn't say "most" ... She just said " a lot"
14:08, why do boomers and boomer wanna B's act so comfortable in their personality disorder?
The music intro sounds so like Colleen Balinger 💕 also love these videos !