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Wonder how many of these kids are gonna come demanding “their” inheritance money when the parent they chose to neglect dies

I can definitely relate to the “quiet child” role; especially since I was a triple and in addition two other siblings

I needed to hear this. Thank you 🙏

I was the scapegoat in my dysfunctional family. I am second born, middle child, and had undiagnosed ADHD and ASD. My mom was severely mentally ill and committed suicide when I was 15. My dad seemingly abandoned me (and my siblings) soon after to focus on and build a new family and I finally accepted it at 21/22 when I received my diagnoses and became homeless. I am also disabled and had a judge legally declare that I am unable to work. Being homeless was so healing for me because it forced me to realize that no one was truly there for me. I met so many amazing people who helped build me up from my rock bottom and get me to where I am today, just a year out of homelessness. I am in a healthy relationship with my amazing boyfriend and his family is an enormous juxtaposition from what I grew up with. The love they have to give for each other and even me, a mere stranger, is just so heartwarming and yet feels so unnatural to me. I am learning to accept it and believe that I deserve it. Thank you for the video. I just wanted to share my story because I am so proud of myself for finally freeing myself from the dysfunction. I hope others can do the same. It will be tough, but it is so freeing on the other side and is 100% worth it.

So, so helpful. Can't thank you enough, Whitney.

Dysfunctional behavior is basically a lack of honesty on every level. Not one member of the family is accurately portrayed unless it's from the unfiltered lens of the Scapegoat.

l wanna Ieave my abusive reIationship with the government. Fining me because l'm speeding. ShameIess.

The numbers tapering off a lot when the kids are older (late 40s or higher) could honestly also have to do with older parents passing away.

This.

Needed this

2:27 is the time stamp for the start of the podcast when you relisten!

You'lll never get the truth from parents. If you asked my parents ''Did your daughter beg and plead to be allowed to communicate something really important to you, and did you shut her down, dismiss her, stonewall her, shame her, smear her and then consider yourselves the victims of her?'' they would obviously say No. In their world, I attacked them for no reason. That's their story and they are sticking to it. I'm mentally ill apparently. I'm insane. I'm detached from reality. I look like death warmed up (what!) and i'm aggressive, I'm angry, I'm sensitive, I'm paranoid. The more I try to talk to them, the more insults they fling back at me.

The definition of respect is my parents to make. :-( I do not get to define respect. I believe my mother has felt pain. She genuinely believed that I owed it to her to reflect back her view of herself forever. There is one perspective, or one narrative allowed in my family of origin. Hers. So therefore there is nothing to discuss. So therefore any attempt to communicate a need for discussion is automatically an ''attack'' that my mother is the victim of. It is very sad, but I think that my parents fall into that camp that do not wish to repair the relationship. I was the part they wrote, until I wasn't. And they don't want *me* They never make any attempt to reach out. Literally the only way I could ever fix things would be if I crawled back with my tail between my legs begging their forgiveness.

Have you ever considered that some children grow up to be horrible adults, and the single parent decides it's in the best interest of their own mentality not to have any relationship with that horrible adult. Even if it costs a relationship with grandchildren.

I would like to see part 2 and 3 but I can’t find them. Can you please share the links?

i am so glad you post these! you have no idea how much you help me! i watch all your tiktoks and i want to join calling home in a couple days. i hope this helps me

Thank you for that…❤

Wow…Ireally needed to hear that 😅

85% said yes 'I apologized." 80% of that 85% are totally delusional parents.

She just described the left. They lose their minds with ANY pushback on their radical belief system and it's especially worse when actual facts are involved. It's gonna be a long four years for these snowflakes.

What about the kids that just exile you from their life and blame every little thing that they did wrong on you? They blame you for them picking the wrong spouse. They blame you for not babysitting enough. They blame you for not condoning the nasty behavior. I have apologize to my kids for everything I ever did that hurt them whether I was aware or not, and they’re so compassionate they slam the door in my face. You can’t blame the parents for everything all the time give me a break. I don’t send gifts to my children. We send them to my husband‘s children who are adults and they never say thank you we are done apologizing. We are done apologizing for being human and doing the best we could with the tools we had at the time. We are done, apologizing for loving our kids to the best of our ability.

Part 2 & 3..??

Amen sister you are so right. They are selfish and ready to shame the parent , but they forget how it was to raise their children. Grandchildren are not pawns. Guilt trips suck.

I never understand grandparents claiming "grandparents' rights". You have no more grandparent rights than you have aunt and uncle rights. You have grandparent "privileges" at the discretion of the parents.

It is important to define and diffetentiate estrangement from parental alienation. Two very different scenarios. Parental alienation has very specific characteristics not common to estrangement.

If you are dealing with a narcisisst, there is no repairing anything with them.

I know this is probably the wrong place to say this, but i am relived now that my daughter has left. I know i wasn't the best parent, but i tried my best. My daughter was just so damn prickly and emotionally unpredictable. I wish things could work out, but i am not willing to self depricate ehen i don't feel i need to. I have apologized for so long, and i've tried to be what my child needed, but i don't know how to talk to her without her blowing up on me. She doesn't understand how much power i gave her to try and fix things. I feel guilty for feeling the way i fo, but it is such a relief to not have to clean all the time become she refused. I am happy to be able to feel comfortable in all rooms of my house. I am happy that i am no longer getting my efforts thrown in my face. I hope one day we can work things out, but i can't and am no longer willing to try and fix things alone.

I am a white lady, raised middle to upper-middle class by parents who fancied themselves quite progressive (they had their own set of issues, but were objectively functioning better than their parents, my grandparents, had, so I’ll give them half-credit) and made a point of not using corporal punishment. My brother and I grew up experiencing the ills of our generation; overpriced, less useful post-secondary education, resulting in struggles settling down and having children; ending up working whatever jobs we could find; he now is married and owns a liquor store and ATM business out west; I’m divorced AND widowed from my kids’ fathers and work at my daughter’s day care after spending 7 years driving vans professionally; but neither of us has had serious trouble with the law, teen pregnancy, drug problems, etc. I elected to raise my own children without corporal punishment, and they seem to be turning out fine, as well. Children do what they see adults do. They learn violence from having violence done to them. I can tell you right now, I know which 2 year olds at the day care are being “spanked” at home; they’re that ones smacking me on the behind when I’m bent over. That’s not cute, cool, or funny… and of course I’M not allowed to spank THEM… 😬

I wish this had more views because I think a lot of hearts need to hear this right now. Thank you for putting time and effort into spreading peace in the world.

THIS!!! 🙌

Great message! Keep going 🌻

Thank you so much for this!!❤

yes.. i found you..

This was really great advice! Thank you so much for posting this. 🫶❤️‍🩹

period

hey whitney, where are your other parts / a link to the podcast? estranged adult child here very interested in seeing the differences in perspectives.

Saw this at the right moment, thank you 😅

Your disclaimers allowed me to see your bias insight. You clearly only spend dedicated time with the adult child’s point of view. You’re not objective either. I’m supposed to believe I’m not worthy of any respect because I didn’t earn it in their eyes. I listened to my adult child’s pov, saw my failures through her eyes, saw changes I could consciously make and made sure I did everything I could not to cross a line. I had to chose my words carefully not to agitate her. But I inevitably slipped and said the wrong thing so now we are back to beating me up verbally, humiliating me, digging up old bones. All my hard work washed away in a second in her perception. I’ve begged for her forgiveness, she said she accepted and we had a great year of good communication as long as I didn’t rock the boat by disagreeing. I thought we had an understanding that I would respect her individuality and intelligence, show my full support and she wouldn’t be cut-throat disrespectful, demeaning, hell bent on humiliation to cut me so deep it draws blood. This last time was no different, cut me to the core, then allowed her new husband to do the same to me. I could never imagine saying those things to my worst enemy much less my own child! I never have nor will I ever. My tolerance for disrespect is super low, from anyone. I used to tell my girls, you can say most anything to me but it’s all in how you say it. I still mean that. Am I not allowed to have that boundary for myself, I won’t tolerate this hateful, vengeful disrespect. Fine don’t respect me but don’t disrespect me. Why do I have to keep experiencing her wrath over and over? Why does she get to keep throwing stones? I have made many improvements and we both experienced the benefits from them so why does she feel justified in washing it all away after one slip up that she turned into a mountain. There is only one way to have a relationship with her; at her mercy and it’s always been that way. I can agree with Host when she says there is pain on both sides. My goal as a parent was to not continue the cycle of verbal,mental and physical abuse in my family! I never wanted my children to feel about me as I did my mother. While trying to break one cycle I guess another one was created. My daughter was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder-psychopathic, which is spot on. Unfortunately she and her father took it upon themselves to stop therapy because they didn’t agree with the dx and she didn’t need it anymore, she just needed strong religion. I fought it but legally there was nothing I could do about it. She’s been arrested twice for domestic violence against her last two partners. I fear my daughter and do not want to end up in her care in my senior years because I know she will abuse me. If you equivalent emotional abuse as destructive as physical abuse….in mine and my daughter, the child I wanted to much and fought for to have, I would be dead and she would be in prison. Let that sink in! So again I say you are not objective. It’s a hard life to live being a punching bag. I also agree that it didn’t have to be this way.

Your disclaimers allowed me to see your bias insight. You clearly only spend dedicated time with the adult child’s point of view. You’re not objective either. I’m supposed to believe I’m not worthy of any respect because I didn’t earn it in their eyes. I listened to my adult child’s pov, saw my failures through her eyes, saw changes I could consciously make and made sure I did everything I could not to cross a line. I had to chose my words carefully not to agitate her. But I inevitably slipped and said the wrong thing so now we are back to beating me up verbally, humiliating me, digging up old bones. All my hard work washed away in a second in her perception. I’ve begged for her forgiveness, she said she accepted and we had a great year of good communication as long as I didn’t rock the boat by disagreeing. I thought we had an understanding that I would respect her individuality and intelligence, show my full support and she wouldn’t be cut-throat disrespectful, demeaning, hell bent on humiliation to cut me so deep it draws blood. This last time was no different, cut me to the core, then allowed her new husband to do the same to me. I could never imagine saying those things to my worst enemy much less my own child! I never have nor will I ever. My tolerance for disrespect is super low, from anyone. I used to tell my girls, you can say most anything to me but it’s all in how you say it. I still mean that. Am I not allowed to have that boundary for myself, I won’t tolerate this hateful, vengeful disrespect. Fine don’t respect me but don’t disrespect me. Why do I have to keep experiencing her wrath over and over? Why does she get to keep throwing stones? I have made many improvements and we both experienced the benefits from them so why does she feel justified in washing it all away after one slip up that she turned into a mountain. There is only one way to have a relationship with her; at her mercy and it’s always been that way. I can agree with Host when she says there is pain on both sides. My goal as a parent was to not continue the cycle of verbal,mental and physical abuse in my family! I never wanted my children to feel about me as I did my mother. While trying to break one cycle I guess another one was created. My daughter was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder-psychopathic, which is spot on. Unfortunately she and her father took it upon themselves to stop therapy because they didn’t agree with the dx and she didn’t need it anymore, she just needed strong religion. I fought it but legally there was nothing I could do about it. She’s been arrested twice for domestic violence against her last two partners. I fear my daughter and do not want to end up in her care in my senior years because I know she will abuse me. If you equivalent emotional abuse as destructive as physical abuse….in mine and my daughter, the child I wanted to much and fought for to have, I would be dead and she would be in prison. Let that sink in! So again I say you are not objective. It’s a hard life to live being a punching bag. I also agree that it didn’t have to be this way.

The present I wanted for Christmas for the past 8 years from my Estranged and now Dead Dad was "I was wrong to send you to Ex-Gay camp where they hurt you and I was wrong to teach you that it was wrong to be gay." Apparently that was too much for him. I think for many adult children who have set the no-contact boundary there are clear things they want from their parents, and those parents are too wrapped up in their own world to give that to their children.

This. 100% this. It's not a gift, it's a violation of boundaries to prove that parent doesn't have to respect the adult child's boundaries.

Yes omg I love this, this is so important for people to hear!!!

Oh wow thanks for making that comparison with how society views stalker tendencies from an ex to family you’ve cut off I’ve literally never have thought about that that way. It’s really helping me understand things.

Yes it does feel manipulative and hurtful even if there are good intentions. thank you for putting it in words.

commenting for algorithm 👍🏽

We are foster parents. From personal experience I can say this is dead on. We have found that using tbri is the key to rebuilding that trust. The book the connected parent by Karin purivis has been fantastic at helping us develop the skills we need to deal with this.

Finally! Someone calling out Abuela in Encanto. She pissed me off, with her gaslighting and denial.

Hi Whitney, thank you for this espisode with your guest, It really helps undertand the unresolved problems with some parents and learning how to deal with them

Is it that estranged children are on the younger side or that the parents of older adults (40+) are dead?

Therapists are working hard on the Deep Staye's efforts to destroy the family