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Great perspective. Thanks for watching and commenting!

Agree coming from someone of a relationship of 3 years. Relationship is a give and take on both ends

Thanks for your perspective! Actually, if each partner considers both self and spouse as gifts, that makes for a great combination. A true spirit of giving is not selfish. Gratitude is the highest form of being. What a gift to bring thankfulness into our most intimate relationships!

I'm SO glad you asked. This is a profound and needed question because the questions we ask matter! Which now leads to other questions, such as ~ "How will I choose to increase awareness so that I can grow into thriving relationships?" Keep pondering and breathing A.I.R. ~ Awareness, Intentionality, Risks of growth. You're so worth it!

You're welcome. Clarity is key. There is the "Relationship Stress Quiz" for you to take for free for even more clarity. Just go to the far right on the menu bar of my website: www.judycounselor.com

Thanks for tuning in and sharing about "conscious coupling.": Actually you may want to tune into Katie & Gay Hendrix's episode "Conscious Loving." Marriage does require growth and increasing our consciousness for sure. www.judycounselor.com/episode-26-season-1/

Yes! And I'd say you also get it. We all have unique stories and very similar paths. Both family member roles (mother/husband) are attachment figures. Mom ~ in early development with influence throughout life either conscious or unconscious. Husband ~ with promise of healing those childhood wounds. And losing the dream of a marriage. Both are painful losses. I encourage you to watch Katherine Woodward Thomas talk about Conscious uncoupling about what you can do to not lose your family. ruclips.net/video/gJsx7oLLLgo/видео.htmlsi=iDKeEowlW0F3qYzy There's the darkness and loss through the transformation process. It's not easy, but your future self will thank you. Thanks for watching and commenting!

Thanks for watching. I'm curious, what's the interesting part for you?

Thanks so much for watching and commenting. You brought out a valid point about the "double whammy." The urgency does make it easy to burn out. Having that self awareness can put you in the "driver's seat" when it comes to the "features" of ADHD. Your comment now inspires me to do a video about the value of deep breathing and guided meditation. For now, you may want to tune into the video I did called "3 Beginner Skills to move from Chaos to Calm." Here's the link: ruclips.net/video/cbG4ZCACPds/видео.htmlsi=s3i11ezQnij71o6f

I wonder if you have a partner, who might help with managing the project/timeline, to prevent the double whammy.

My pleasure 😇

So true. That's why information like this is so valuable. Thanks for taking the time to watch and reply. Keep up the understanding you have and stand tall in what you know is true. You're worth it!

Thanks for your insights @zuuumbaa. This is so helpful to read your comments. You have a great way of respectfully comparing the two guests! Keep up the great work you're doing. And thank you for responding!

That's an excellent question for sure! Thanks so much for tuning in.

You're welcome 😊 Thanks for watching!

You're so very welcome! I'm glad you tuned into the episode and commented here! Keep on nurturing your beautiful life!

You're welcome @divergentmind2023. I appreciate your sharing and continuing to learn and grow in self-awareness! Keep up the great work you're doing. You're so worth it.

Have you ever thought to test for autism? I wonder if you would get different medicine with all the symptoms you experience

@@nm3547 thank you for your reply. that is the direction i have started heading, my childhood was disturbing and i am reading about about cptsd and disassociation… the process of testing with a professional that understand and cares is super expensive but I was labelled by my GP without checking my brain and she also mentioned bipolarity but the test results were not supportive of that. I see that diet has a great impact on me and i see improvements with a paleo lifestyle and reducing my screen time and lots of time in nature. thank you. have a great day 🙏

Thanks, Chip! Happy NY to you!

Happy NY to you, @tamannaaker!

I'm so sorry you're going through such a difficult time @toddrhoten7361 You are not alone. Do reach out for help. You have what it takes and your life is valuable.

💔 😢… wondering how things have gone now..7 months post. I hope you’re ok

Yes! So glad you listened Nancy!

I really feel for you. I hope someone can offer you advice that works which isn't divorce. People with ADHD respond to having their backs against the wall, you know, when they HAVE to do something that doesn't interest them. This is the leverage you're going to have to try to use. He needs to have a mind change of how he sees the relationship. You were open about your situation and feelings here. Have you communicated this way to your husband? People with ADHD will never stop having ADHD. While needing understanding, they also need accountability. This will only help to get through to him if he has any empathy towards you and / or your children.

Thanks for your quick and helpful response.@@charlestiraco8634

My heart goes out to you. I identify at a previous season of my life. Please email info@judycounselor.com. I'd be glad to offer a clarity call for your next right steps. I also have a free "Relationships with Purpose Toolkit" and am currently creating an online course that will be launched in early January. . . "From Chaos to Connection: 4 Weeks to Jumpstart Emotionally Safe Conversations."

Great insights! We are all on this journey of increasing awareness. Being considerate along with good-heartedness is an equation for harmony, flow and connection!

@@JudyHermanRelationships I've watched many of Leslie's videos, and have come to understand that, as Leslie has said many times, God cares for people above institutions. I am pleading with a friend to join the Conquer group. I know it closes very soon!

I agree but to be fair, she does mention being aware that she could be over-functioning. And the fact that her and her husband are still together (being that she is such a big advocate for women) says something - especially since the guy does at least feel comfortable enough to watch a football game in his own house

My husband would do very little with kids and house, take all the relaxing time he wanted, then because I was genuinely overwhelmed and asking for help didn't go well, the house would get out of hand. Then he would suddenly spring into cleaning action on a random weekend, and rage and guilt me and the kids about *how* in the **** we could just sit there while he worked. It was a one way street.

@alcy0ne1 wow, that's rough! He's setting such an immature example for your kids. If you can stay calm and be the adult, his childish raging will be shown for what it is.

You're welcome!!

Yes! Thankful that she has so much to offer!

You're welcome! I'm so glad it was helpful @qwepoi9043.

Thanks, Tiran. This means a lot!

What you need is proper education.

Yes. of course.

Thanks, Anastasia!

Thanks for watching, Ritu. What in particular was helpful?

Thanks so much, Anastasia. Your encouragement goes a long way with me!!

@@JudyHermanRelationships ☺️

Thanks for watching and for your insights, April. Keep up the great counseling you're doing!

Thanks, Hafeez.

Knowledge about ADHD along with a plan for change and fulfilling promises is so worthwhile! Thanks, @ADHD Marriage!

You're welcome! Share what was most helpful to you.

So true! Thanks for watching Ritu.

Wow! What insights, Jenna! I'm so glad this episode was helpful. I know that Melissa's 2nd book will be practical. You may already know that there are several books on parenting children with ADHD. Please reach out if you'd like some guidance. I love working with families.

Thanks for sharing, Serena. Feel free to reach out to me if I can add to the support you already have. It's perfectly appropriate to share this episode with your therapist or even suggest Melissa's books to include in your marriage counseling. I really appreciate your suggestion and plan to start Season #2 of the podcast soon. You're not alone and you are worth this journey. Take care.

Thanks, Go Fish. I'm so glad you tuned in!

Thanks for tuning in, Matthew.

I agree. After 44 years of marriage to an ADHD husband. The only way to endure it is to constantly give a “hall pass”, not need any emotional support, be willing to do all the “ boring tasks of life, parenting, planning, dealing with thoughtless sabotage and constantly forgiving the lack of impulse control even when it puts the whole family at risk. It like marrying an adolescent emotionally and never having expectations or any needs of your own. People try to make it some kind of special wonderful thing as long as you pick up the enormous slack on the part of your partner. If I had to do it again, I wouldn’t. I feel like I wasted most of my life. It is worse because my adhd husband will not make any efforts. He seems to love being the victims with a handicap of disinterest. Just awful!

@@nolafinn1009💔… seems you’ve experienced it and tried long enough to know what you need to do.

You've got what it takes to take that next right step. Natalie has an amazing support system waiting for you.

Thank you so much for watching and commenting. I was about that same age when I was diagnosed. So you're not alone. I'm glad you tuned in! You're so worth it.

I'm so glad this conversation was helpful! Yes, you have a full plate when caring for a child and yourself. Take good care of you. You're worth it.

You're so right. You can't do for another what only they can do for themselves. Doing you is a full time job. Chronic stress is unhealthy and is known to shorten one's life. It's so important to nurture yourself because your life matters! Thanks so much for your insights and for tuning in.

To balance out your rather lopsided view - I'm ADHD, my wife refuses point blank to learn about ADHD, to accommodate ADHD, to try to understand ADHD - she insists that it's her right alone to declare when I'm having ADHD and when I'm not. She won't talk about it, think about it or try to see any of the positives about it. It's just a massive irritation for her and a very useful way, in her mind, to shut me down whenever I step out of line. For me, it's a decision between relentless prejudice and wilful ignorance, and walking away. ADHD does not mean the person with it is automatically in the wrong, or cannot be lived with. It takes the right attitude from the non-ADHD partner.

In the event of the ADHDer not seeking help, that is a problem. I truly cannot imagine not wanting to treat it. I was diagnosed at 53. As soon as I saw things I thought were personality flaws, were actually ADHD symptoms, I wanted to deal with it. Finding out about the all encompassing nature of ADHD, I have realized my wife deserves to be thanked. She is not innocent. She has contributed negative aspects to our relationship. But she has helped me in ways I did not realize. I have contributed negative aspects I did not realize I was doing. It took some pushing, but she now does send me the odd ADHD RUclips video she has found. We are navigating this. I hope this makes life better. I will not accept being belittled over it. I will also not use it as a cop out. But I do kind of need accommadations in the relationship. Just as she does with her diagnosis's. The channel ADHD Love is a really good one to feel a bit better about making this work. I would also add that early on she was pushing me towards a depression diagnosis. I resisted that strongly. I am not sure If I would have been receptive to being pushed to an ADHD diagnosis.

@@salparadise1220 thanks for sharing your perspective! We likely all have lopsided views on some levels. You are right to say "It takes the right attitude from the non-ADHD partner." In other words, how can we be at peace with our own and other's very human flaws.

@@rick881 Thanks so much for sharing your journey. For sure we all need to give each other grace for the struggles of our human journey. Looks like you have a cooperative partnership around this issue.