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your elderly parent or parents are not beings that you just put out sight just because they are no longer beneficial to your lifestyle. hey they ,sacrificed for you when you were a child

Thanks for sharing. Its hard to see what is right when youre in the middle of this type of scenario, ehich I have been.

Putting parents in nursing homes is basically abandoning them. It’s a disgrace in many cultures.

Do you guys still accept phone calls I need to talk to somebody I don’t know what to do about my mom

Honestly never do this... just build a separate space near the house and have nurses come in and out and have a camera... because they (referring to the Nursing homes) contribute to Polypharmacy/ Prescription cascading...too many medications and put them on Psyche meds without their permission and more dangerous things..

My mother had to be admitted into a Care Home after she had a second fall in June 2022 and was admitted into hospital. 0:10 She had previously been living alone for the past 30 years since my dad died. Mother had the full care package and was adamant that a Care Home was never going to be an option. We realised that mother, at this stage , had reached the end of being independent . She had stage 5 Alzheimers and after an assessment, was deemed to be incapable of self maintenance. Mother was in the Care Home for 4 months where she died aged 95. No, we do not have any regrets because there was nothing more that any of us 4 siblings could have done for her. She died peacefully. Her long journey finally at an end.

I’m currently considering putting my mom in a home. My sister tried and I’ve tried. I currently have an aid that comes in 7 days a week for 5 hours but it’s not enough. I want to grow my family with my wife but having my mom and doing that is too much. It’s a hard decision.

You never answered the question itself. You introduced the question, then grimaced. Then you danced around the issue and made suggestions for an adult child to get help or look for siblings or others to help. The answer to the question is: YES, a person *can* refuse to care for an elderly parent. They cannot legally be forced to take on care. The state can and will step in if there isn't anyone available to care for the elder, and the state will take guardianship of the elder as a next step. A child is not legally required to be a parent's caregiver. As you know, there are adult children who are estranged from their families, including parents. These situations are not uncommon.

I’ve done it since I was 17 years old in many ways along with my own life and then my kids, my dad just passed may he rest in peace but everything it’s been pretty satisfying, yes you can get overwhelmed sometimes but that is what my heart calls and I do not regret it a bit.

Nursing Homes are in business for profit not for providing adequate care for the resident/patient. I'm terrified !!!!! It's the meat and the money not care.

My mother was the 'well spouse' and she just passed away while trying to care for her husband, who is completely dependent now and I had to finish her efforts in placing him into the assisted living facility that she had picked for him and was in the process of signing him up for. I just got him in there and now he thinks I'm mad at him because of it and so I'm dealing with grieving my mom, while my dad thinks I'm angry with him. Trying to grieve mom (the both of us are grieving), and he's dealing with feeling like I've kicked him to the curb. I as not expecting how hard it is to deal with grieving my mother (4 days ago) and also dealing with the guilt of homing my father. I feel like I'm being beaten down from multiple angles and I took to YT to find videos like these for better understanding. Thank you both for sharing this with us. I appreciate you.

This is all so true, just went through this.

This is my take: - If you have inherited fortune or property from your parents, then you have the moral obligation to take care of them. - If you have abusive parents, destroying your family or peace of mind, then return the property back to your parents and ask them to use it for an old-age home. They gave birth, raised you and it wasn’t your choice. But inheritance is totally your choice. Stay on the right path. Don’t cheat your own parents. Don’t take their earnings/ property and ditch them.

I traveled across country to take care of 91 year old parent after surgeries 4 times. Now I've lost my savings and run up debt. Especially paying housesitter to watch pets. So I told parent the ONLY way I can help is if they move in with me. They refused. I can't afford to quit my job so I'm 😢staying home. I offered a good solution. I guess I'll have to sell their house from here to pay for their care. Can't afford to take time off work and travel there.

Thank you very much. We are struggling right now with my 73 year old father.

Is it illegal to just say “I have no intention of helping my elderly parent, spouse, child what so ever.” ?

Oh I feel so bad for the caregiver. A nursing home sucks. Have home health aides

It’s the responsibility of the person to make the arrangements for their own needs. If they failed to plan for their declining years, then they get whatever is available to them. We will all die someday and most of us will spend a number of years with extreme disabilities. There’s literally no excuse to not plan ahead for this eventually.

Thank you so much for the tips! I am overly worried about my mum who I think is declining in her physical health but she refuses to get herself checked up, even if she is struggling. I will look forward to use these ideas when talking to her! Thank you :D

Thanks for the great video. Having a mum in a nursing home with Alzheimers has been a big transition after having mum live with us for the past 2 years. The guilt video has helped me greatly.

My 90 year old grandma back is so bad she can barley stand up and she spends most of the day just sitting in a chair thinking. Her dementia is so bad she can't pay her bills, figure out how to operate the TV/Computer or even read a book. A few months ago she hit the gas pedal instead of the brake when she was pulling into the Safeway parking lot and made a small dent in the building. We tried to explain to her why the policeman had to take her drivers license but she didn't seem to understand. She fell 3 times this year, the last time she fell she broke her jaw and a broken tooth poked through her lip. She has a walker that could have prevented this fall but she thinks she doesn't need a walker. She treated us very well over the years and we really want to help her but she gets mad when we try to help and she won't do any of the things we ask her to do. She thinks if she doesn't ask for help she isn't a burden and in her demented state I don't think we can convince her otherwise. The reality is refusing our help makes her more of a burden each time she ends up in the hospital we have to drive several hours to her place and live at her place for weeks while she recovers. We told her you have been to the hospital too many times this last year, living on you're own isn't working we are really worried about you being alone and we want you to move in with one of us or move into a assisted living facility. Some of us are getting so frustrated we might not help her in the future, its not fair to us to have to spend so much time away from home caring for her, she needs to be willing to move closer and follow some our helpful suggestions. Its really hard to not help her she was so good to us when she was younger but you just can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped. We can't afford a long court battle to prove her mental incompetence and it sounds like we'd need to have an ironclad case because the court often sides with the elderly. Her doctor doesn't seem to care he just likes the money he's making from her frequent hospital visits. Some of he neighbors are starting to question why we aren't doing more and I think we might be accused of neglect but at this point after trying everything we could think off we are about ready to give up.

I can understand IF there was abuse to the child by the parents then maybe you are too angry to help out. Here is my thinking.... if a parent raised the child, educated the child for 18-21 years do you not owe them something in their old age? What about a second wife having to do ALL the caretaking and two perfectly capable adult children who do nothing for their FATHER who went into debt to raise and educate them. How can you be so selfish?

Struggling with this.

My 94 year old mother had stage 5/6 Alzheimers and lived on her own for 32 years after my dad died. Mother was fiercely independent,refused to recognise that there was anything wrong with her and went through 4 sets of carers since her diagnosis in 2014. She had a care package and relied heavily on my sister for her obsessions with lights and parked cars. She had other health and capacity issues which caused great concern for all members of my family. After a fall in June 2022, mother was finally admitted into hospital. She refused to go at first but her condition deteriorated rapidly. In hospital she was assessed by a Carer Home manager and admitted after 3 weeks of hospitalisation in August. Mother got a chest infection and passed away with family at her bedside in December 2022. She hated being in her care home but it was the best place for her with the support and comfort always present. We have no regrets about her placement.

it is not their call if they have nowhere to live.

Hope is not a plan.

Excellent job you two!

Please keep in mind that not all of us have had Mike and Carol Brady or Ward and June Cleaver for a Mother and Father Some of us may feel we do not want to be involved especially if their demeanor towards us hasn't changed

That was a very caring way to address this issue.

No they are just selfish

Great explanation

Thank you for the video. After exhausting every option, we put my mom in a nursing home. She has Alzheimer’s dementia Parkinson’s and diabetes. My brother and I had no choice 😭 God knows we tried.

Too many parents just let their eldercare fall to others and forget that they're responsible for themselves and their own planning. By making your kids do it for you because you're too scared, you end up making their sibling relationship suffer because they are inevitably going to disagree about your care. And your relationship with them will suffer as they resent you for this covert contract you've shoved on them for your choice of bringing them into this life and now making them pay for it by letting you be their child as an old person, but all without their consent! So insidiously evil.

I’d like to hear about being the only family member who’s involved in caregiving for the loved one.- lot of feelings involved there

Or the state won’t pay for full time care. But they’ll pay for a facility

I’m 70 yo. A+O+3 living with my husband in our private home. Questions for future -- 1) if I don’t want certain Tx ,I.e. G-tube,surgery, NH,ETC. But I’m not completely lost mentally and still making a lot of life choices for myself , who consider that I’m the risk for my life? Why someone else, but me ,knows what is really better for me ? 2)Can I make d health and life decisions now, while I’m absolutely able to,so my children or others have to and OBLIGATED to follow? If “ YES “ - how to do it?

Its not that easy to place them in a home is what a lot of people fail to realize Expect phone calls demanding that you take your parent home and that you sign to be financially responsible Expect to be threatened to be bought up on elder neglect charges If you think your parent will be lovingly drawn in to a Nursing Home without any annoyance to you Your in for a RUDE AWAKENING

You're talking about the same people that raised you up from a baby somewhere along the line you need to put a little bit of effort into help them out not poor f****** me

Yes. Yes, you can refuse. It's not your job to care for elderly parents. Especially if they were abusive a$$holes. It's called 'what goes around comes around". Besides, the parent brought you into this life that you did not ask for. Thus, caregiving requirements fall on the parent *not* their child ✌

Thank you for covering this important topic.

Thank you, I definitely need to learn more about a trust.

Very helpful. Thank you for sharing this.

This is great information. Thank you

You know after my mom passed medicaid was trying to take money from her estate.

Its funny their allowed to have an abortion if they don't want us Their body Their choice But if we can't take care of them Its such a inhumane thing??

What do you mean if they are at risk