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Dear Joseph, First and foremost, let me extend my deepest gratitude for gracing the hallowed grounds of The Glorious Republic of Slowjamastan with your presence. Your visit has surely elevated our nation’s collective cultural and intellectual standing by at least 3.7%. That said, I must offer my sincerest-yet slightly bemused-apologies for not being available during your arrival. You were here. I was here. Fate, however, played a cruel joke upon us. While you stood at the gates of destiny, I was merely downstairs-a mere stone’s throw away, possibly enjoying a fine Slowjamastani beverage or contemplating matters of state (such as whether to outlaw pineapple on pizza). Had you only rung the bell, my friend, history would have unfolded differently. Alas, the moment has passed, but know this: your presence in Slowjamastan is always welcome, and next time, I shall personally ensure that the bell is rung, the gates are opened, and that you are greeted with all the pomp and unnecessary ceremony you deserve. Until then, travel well, spread the word of our great Republic, and remember-next time, just ring the bell!

Reynolds gave money to lots of places

Looks more like trains than trolleys.