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Thank you Dr Lundy Thank God for you Please never stop fighting for us

And that speaks badly both ways.. 1- it denigrates the poor. 2- It benefits the abuser as it further allows them to continue to abuse adding to the leverage they already weaponize. The leverage of shame and self gaslighting. It creates a false narrative

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Phenomenal presentation

20:49 21:53 37:25 because it is still abuse and nobody has the right to destroy others. If they can't change, the other person, the one has been hurt by them, has the right to move on. Kindness extends to those also who have been abused. Often it takes 7 times for a DV victim to separate permanently. 7 times giving excuses. And let's not forget those who die, being choked or other serious bodily damage with PTSD and other mental issues. After 7! times of trying and many-many years. Where is the kindness and respect? If they are educated but still abusing, there is a limit. 39:00 if it worked, great. Then it will not be 7 tries and long years until the children are safe when the children can move out... 44:33 I know mindfulness teachers who are abusive after years of practice. Even without having a stressful environment, like holding 2 jobs to provide for a family, having not enough money to afford good nutrition or the stress to be running all day between work, home and child related responsibilities from the moment you wake up until you fall in bed. With rent so high, with no cheap quality childcare, with health care expense and no solution to take care a sick child: the stressers an other list we should create. 45:45 how can you expect? Called love. That is how. Coming from a highly traumatic household, my main focus was my child. Because I loved him so much, I did everything for him. I didn't treated him as my mother treated me. Even before she started heavily drinking, I treat my pets with more care than she treated me. I worried for my pets more than she worried about me. I wish I understood my need to save my partner better, because I may have had learned that I am repeating an unhealthy pattern. Let's not forget that it is not just where we come from, but what we have in our heart. I learned too late that I matter too. I worth as much as I could give. Even if you wired differently, like your example of that man, you can put your child first. It also includes leaving an abusive partner. If your partner can't love the child more than themselves, they will not change. You just put more A-s to your children's list. If you have no children, you have the right to say you don't want to live the same loveless way as you grow up. Even if you didn't experience a nice marriage, you rather be alone. Do you have love in your heart? If it is enough love for someone else, you are highly motivated to change. Not everybody loves enough and you don't have to take it. 51:33 we need a goverment that doesn't let rent skyracket to the point that people end up homeless, we need living wages, we need nice schools where teachers are paid, where class sizes are comfortable. We can offer healthy lunch programs, we can offer quality, enriching, free, after care programs, music classes, art classes etc... These are all politics. Which is in pretty dire state. All these were much, much better before. To support a family is getting harder, so it is creating a stressful environment. So much for mindfulness when you live month to month and one emergency can put you behind on your rent. The only thing you are mindful is to have enough money to survive till the next paycheck and you are running all day to do all your responsibilities. The best time to heal is before children. Once you have them, you put them in priority with the parent (male or female) who put them in priority and willing to alter their behavior if it is not healthy. The one who cares to change, the one who provides healthy love. That is the right of the children. If you try and you keep being abusive to them or to their other parent, you can see them on certain days where at least those days, you behave. Honestly, it can be a very matture and loving decision. You don't need to shame yourself. Many are more selfish and think others should change around them.

Maybe we need different types of prisons for different types of offenders, since so many are being built. For example, offenders of this type might only get a "re-education" to be BETTER at their criminal proclivities in a standard prison, with "better" criminals to learn from. And on the criminal education theme, internet in these places must be severely restricted. Internet is where the free, unbounded criminals flourish and spread, like kudzu in the plant world.

The whole normalizing of his behavior and then his conversation how he makes her wrong for taking Maddie to her moms. And he makes comments about her being crazy.

All 11💪🏻

Right, he's not a good dad if he hits mom. Period. He will eventually hit the kids, or abuse or even kill them. If mom "made him lose his temper" of course the kids will too, especially when mom isn't there to mitigate his temper. Because it wasn't mom's fault, it was him and his lack of self control.

I’m in Australia. It’s being prosecuted here , coercive control is a jailable offence.

This guy was disbarred for fraud and perjury. When he tried to testify in our family court case the judge immediately threw him out.

I've had dead pets, I've had dead flowers left, I've run from my home to a shelter with the offender still assaulting and stalking me years later. I've feared murder and have been watched and worried he'd run me over with a car. I've had power cut on my hoiuse, computers monitored and destroyed, been put into psych wards for calling him rapist, had stalkers 5150 me when I step away from them to go somehwere else where he can't control each move i make. i've had to shower in myt swimsuit watched scream,ed at to shower "with god' and repeatedly reminded that there's nothing sexual about it. I've attempted suicide3 and blacked out on booze to the point of it killing me for space to myself. All the while, the religious freak rapist kidnapper lunatic demands "submission". I'm not even a religious person. People who l ive in prison cells are treated better than this. Narcissistic entitlement and coercive control made falling down and breaking my hip feel like nothing. Neither my rib. NOr did not eating 4 days on end and vomiting hoping gastritis or something would kill me feel like anything. I would rather be dead than share my space with these things. Physical injuries feel like nothing. You just stop feeling anything from their abuse.

I’ve dealt with repeated abuse… and done all the research (lots of narcissist videos abound)… but, honestly, this one is succinct and to the point. Take to heart, the part about the other person not changing. Be willing to let go a person before you Cleve (move in or marry)… if they are showing these signs. If you are complying with their needs boundaries demands etc… and the abuse increases vs subsides… it’s a sign they won’t change.

AND he's only going to teach the children esp. the boys what he knows himself viz. how to abuse others.

We have to stop feeling sorry for these guys. BINGO.

There needs to be law reforms. True that is going to take a long time. At least we have any kind of system at all today. Dying a lot younger while living for over a decade of more while surviving through financial and litigous litagation abuse and loss of privacy and loss of intellectual property while coping with unreasonable expectations of needing to be perfect throughout the whole experience during the same too cannot ever be called everyone living in safety. Like when being misdiagnosed with playing the victim while being 50/50% just as responsible for divorce no matter how violent the partner behaved during that marriage only because that person left sooner than later while having to go through a second divorce from another person who at first only seemed more familiar to them. Or getting misdiagnosed with Borderline PErsonality Disorder and whatever else too for awhile when experiencing P.T.S.D. when not behaving perfect while continuing to undergoe extreme levels of stress while coming to terms with love fraud while on top of it all being forced to co-parent with a domestic violence perpetrator. Like for example after in the past being experimented on in a hospital for months while the perpetrator knows full well that they have been lying all along about what happened too. Seems to me that insisting the victim become isolated from their supportive inlaws and the church, synogogue or mainstream religion temple organization which those inlaws belong to as well for decades that is only serving to further victimize them through isolation and surveillance as if it is them who is the one at fault in the systemic circle of coersive control. Conscription of adult children into the military is part of that systemic circle of coercive control too. Why is it that trying to survive and keep yout body parts intact during an attack if that attack is being done by a perpetrator of domestic violence only because it is a domestic violence situation automatic makes the survivor of that attack later a suspect too no matter how many times before then ?

Why all nations are not passing laws against coersive control is hard to understand. Cunning, baffling and mysterious how the addiction called narcissisms in some people is expressed often through manipulation and then coercive control as it gets its own way often enough most of the time to only skip one generation present in almost every family tree. I distrust any professional caregiver who says narcissism or alcoholism has a genetic component while they are trying to present their own family line part of the human genome DNA in contrast as being altogether free of the same. Professionals like that tend to blame the parent from a minority as the cause any time their child gets ill. Like when their child gets Neonatal Hyperbilirubinemia while then feeding problems too exist. Imagine the poor mother in an unhealthy communication climate affecting the infant too while their mother then starts feeling that she has to try and force feed that child often enough or risk being false accused of starving their child to death. Closet gays or psychopaths who are only opportunistic when it comes to sexual preference who marry someone from the opposite gender only to become fathers or mothers are the worst.

Instead of discussing it, it is time to advocate and be in these courts for us! Barry Goldstein's expert witness services cost $10,000, so how does that help us?

ABUSERS DONT CHANGE AND WOMEN, WHO THINK THEY CAN, SHOULD NOT BE ADVISING OR HELPING ABUSED WOMEN PERIOD!

Thanks Lundy Bancroft for pointing out that someone with a pattern of behavior that involves name calling emotional abuse is at higher risk of becoming physcially violent. Sad but true that when offering education in public to people who are struggling while they are trying to survive through domestic violence some bullies will study the subject which Lundy Bancroft and other social workers and psychologists write about only so they can get better at using coersive control tactics while at the same time when belong to a men's group or a woman's group. More often that is an abusive man. For example when an abusive person after getting arrested by police then spends a fortune on lawyers so that person can then turn around to call up police to help them obtain belongings when they don't need to just so they can be more dramatic looking as the victim where they will take only the expensive things out of their home to sell and then claim that the person remaining in that home destroyed them. We cannot prevent that kind of manipulation from happening so long as anyone believes in myths about coersive control during domestic abuse and domestic violence.

Christianity says the man is supposed to love his wife as Christ so loves the church. Men who use control and manipulation on their wives are not showing love. One thing I had to learn is that when we, as women, allow our husbands and adult children to abuse us, we are teaching the next generation that abuse and control is ok. Even though I eventually left my husband due to his abuse, my children learned the abuse from his continued verbal abuse after the divorce. He told them how awful I was, that it was all my fault, and I never denied it because the courts told me not to talk bad about him. They grew up to abuse me as well. I recently stopped allowing it, and when I did they cut me out of their lives. It's sad, but allowing the abuse isn't helping them.

hes so wise

Yes they cyper phone hack now the list goes on .

Ky Louisville is notorious for this

3 days passed and I still can't swallow without pain and felling pain in my throat in general. Hope it will pass.

I did get strangled 3 years ago and im still here

It's because domestic violence can easily CAUSE poverty. Isolating the woman and keeping her from working, kills her independence, and cuts their income in half. Then every time he puts her in the hospital it's another $10-50K in hospital bills. Court expenses, custody court... another $20-50k easy. It can easily bankrupt people...

Its really hard turning in your abuser , when you know in their right mind they would never hurt you. Meth made him do it, its hard being a Christian cause were trained to forgive. Not sure if i will find the strength to testify. It 3 days now after im in fla and my eye is swelling up ? Days later weird.

My abuser was stalking me. I had a male friend pick me up. I saw him and he followed us. Stupidly I came home thinking I could deescalate the matter. Now I'm sitting here with a broken rib and marks on my throat from him putting me in a chokehold. This time I gave the video footage to the police. At this point I'd rather be dead than abused again.

Thank you. I need to find a way to get my family member watch this, but her phone is not very safe. I could read it to her over the phone?

The nuclear family was created to give power to men who otherwise wouldn't have any power.

I would love to talk to you right now abd fucking tell you off!

I do not see the resources for the academic articles that the speaker was going to provided (mentioned right near the end of the interview). Where are they posted?

i found this happening to me, i started forgetting a lot about the relationship. I then started to keep notes in my phone of the hurtful things he had done and then when things got worse I began writing a letter I wasn't going to send to him about the very major things he had done to me. I left him a while ago I still read it to remind myself why I don't miss him

Judging by the comments most men ARE violent abusers...when you survive domestic abuse it's hard to belive there are "good" men in the world. For most of us "good men" are a myth we hear women talk about all the time. Laura Richards wanted a domestic abusers register and men decided to NOT do it. This seems to indicate that most men are NOT good

No one cares about women who are stalked. These webinars are a waste of time and money.

Because they want to steal homes and ruin beautiful families .😔N.H. corrupt.

I just got out of an abusive situation where my ex-partner used coercive control. So many of the methods you listed were used by him. I had no privacy, he tried to isolate me from family and friends, he used cameras in the house to spy on me, tried to convince to take nudes (I didn’t because I had a feeling he would use it for revenge), wanted to always see my phone, made me share my location, etc. He said that if I didn’t have anything to hide, I should be ok with it all. I’m glad I’m out.

Having watched an estate and trust, and tax attorneys plan for a divorce. PreNuptual Agreements, only.

On the topic of unfounded CPS cases, some abusive fathers weaponized CPS just like they do the court. Repeated reports and investigations will be called to try and establish a paper trail and wear down the mother. My abuser called CPS once because I had my son get the free school lunch instead of a Lunchable.

This happened to me while serving in the military and it was all swept under the rug. Maybe they have changed, but I doubt it. If I had to do over again I would report to the local police and not military police. I was pretty much made fun of by everyone. He was not punished and went on to strangle another female soldier and still walks free today. Insanity.

This is excellent information! Thank you. I will follow up.

☝️ Y’all forgot the whole topic of abusive stepparents and how the risk to kids of homocide is way higher by a step parent than a biological parent. ☝️ Step parents trying to replace biological parent and making disparaging remarks about parent. ☝️ LETS TALK TIPS ON HOW TO PROTECT OUR KIDS TRULY AND ACTUALLY BC MY PROBLEM IS THAT ALL THE THJNGS MY DAUGHTER HAS TOLD ME IN CONFIDENCE SHE IS ALSO TERRIFIED OF THE STEP MOM AND HER DAD FINDING OUT SHE “TOLD ON THEM” IUT IF FEAR OF PUNISHEMENT AND CONSEQUENCES TO HER THAT SHE IS GUARANTEED TO FACE ONCE SHES BACK HOME. This is the worst! The court process is so long and there is not a single REAL organization that actually protects children by believing them ahead of time- like before the child has to tell the whole truth and testify in court or to a judge and all that other crap. It’s unfortunate that there isn’t a safe place at all for children to go and say: I don’t feel safe at home and I need help right now. And then the help starts from the moment they speak those words even before they go through all the detailed allegations of harm and abuse. imagine what that would do for our youth and how it would empower them to advocate for themselves.

What happens when he is a she?

Yes... and it's really hard to find a way out

3 years ago I was strangled by my ex and ever since I’ve never been able to turn my neck, will it always be the same? I can’t even turn my head.

I have stalkers on my phone and internet at home and they treat me like a slave

the one thing i seriously love about this guy’s book is that he DOESNT BLAME THE MOTHER! i am a child of an abusive relationship, both physical and mental, and everyone always blames my mom! but it’s not her fault, she did the best she could, i think. everyone always says “she let him put his hands on her kids,” and then assigns all the blame to her, ignoring that he’s the one who hit them in the first place. it’s so difficult to leave. i sympathise so much with all women and mothers who have experienced/ are experiencing domestic violence.

Until a certain point Ibelieved that they needed to be educated on domestic violence specifically cluster b personality disorders. I stood with Anna when she was trying to get the resolution past back in 2017. Which is now SB 331 Piques law which will never help as many children and mothers as we could if we just help these accountable. It also won’t help the ones still suffering now or have recently been taken from the protective mother who was coerced into reunification therapy and the kind that they made me present to the to go to, and forced back into the hands of our abuser. And all of these mental health professionals know exactly what they are doing, too guess what I recorded all of our sessions and conversations of the clinic with those mental health professionals as well, right of mine was taken away willingly and joyfully because these sick individuals working together love to see people suffer and besides, it’s their livelihood.

my question for those all in this video do you still believe this? What do you now side with the fact that the family court system is not under educated and is 100% corrupt? 🙏🏼💜