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i have never felt so seen, also girl ur so pretty u look like lorde to me

i understand 100%. pmdd sucks the life out of life itself. along with bpd, i feel its comsumed me and ruined relationships I've had with people. its even worse when they dont seem to understand how consuming these mental illnesses are, like im aware of it, of course, but its not just something i can snap out of either, thats what makes it completely consuming. i feel just as insecure, i mean im only 19, almost 20, and feel like my life is already over since living this way makes it so difficult to stay on top of classes, jobs, just responsibilities in general. you coming on here with the raw emotion speaking on these disorders takes a lot of courage and its very comforting being able to see and hear about someone going through pretty much the exact same thing, despite it being so shitty. all power to you:)

Find a partner and choose one thing to focus on, or else you end up with nothing. If you were living a few decades ago you wouldn't have time to waste on overthinking. This is ultimately the pathologies of late stage feminism.

It’s like you alone with your authentic self vs the society it’s so lonely and hard journey for us with BPD

Titles like " amazing new model " picking the image for the video as the one you see the side boob instead of putting emphasis on being a massotherapist prooves that many women look for attention but then give others crap for pointing it out.

i relate to almost everything you said. but i don't hate myself and i think it's bc in my most miserable moments i could still pull out a desire to help others out of myself. that's something worthy of being preserved so i'm preserving myself. it's narcissistic to think of oneself as the worst person that ever lived, but that's not the end of the world. like, the narcissistic wound that i got from not winning a nobel prize in physics at 15 is absolutely insane. (i'm kidding here, i never thought i would do such a thing but that's pretty much the subtext of my lack of perseverance. an imaginary audience thinking i'm a genius. i'm now 25, btw). i also think my most detestable traits come from pure ignorance and i forgive myself and i am hopeful that i can learn more even if it's a miserable experience. i hope you find your silver lining, as i have. also, (controversial?) i find that for us isolated, navel-gazing freaks, absolute crisis is the only way to get us going. good luck on finding a way out without much destruction.

Your way of finding music that makes you seriously feel emotion is so powerfullll especially with BPD, music is my main outlet for expression as well as transmuting emotions& just like relating to lyrics. Also the euphoria you feel when you have this disorder when u find THAT song. That just makes you feel so alive. You just get it THANK U FOR THESEEEE

🫂 We will survive!

You're not alone I am in the same boat as you.

love you Enza❤🖤❤️🙇🏻‍♀️ thank you so much for sharing in this way. you are such a calming presence

I’ll always want to be in your life!! Ill never leave your side ❤ beautiful video. I like what you said about vulnerability, and how there is so much beauty in being yourself.

this is beautiful. i am also diagnosed with bpd, ocd and anxiety. thanks so much for sharing these thoughts.

Every time I’ve been myself people don’t understand it

This really spoke to me💗

I love how well you expressed how you feel, most of it I can totally relate with and you are unique that's your super power 🫡

You're so strong for being vulnerable, even stronger than everyone who is judgemental and said that you shouldn't be. Strength is about being vulnerable. It's amazing to feel in such a deep way, but could also be a curse at times.

Have a great day Enza! I'll get back to watching this when I get some time.

Just be yourself. You're incredibly brave to be so open and honest, and to bare your soul for anyone to see on these videos. Thank you for sharing.

"I will not water myself down to make me more digestible for you. You can choke. 💅🏻💅🏻💅🏻" ahhh video. Dropped a like xD

Hi

I appreciate you and I celebrate your journey! And thank you for fulfilling the promise of the internet as a place for people to connect. 🦋💖🦋

I hope you guys like this video, I want to make a living authentically series spread out over time. It's a topic that is so important to me from a once highly masked and lost person still trying to figure it all out. Playlist video next !! 💞💞

Because of money my life is hell

I'm on 4 different psych meds now. Idk if I have bpd but I do relate to the part about losing myself. I judge myself the same way. In my twenties it was opioids. I was social while high. Then came the other swing of that double-edged sword: withdrawals + mental illness exacerbation. I'm turning 33 soon. I just sort of live online and have been inside my head since I was a kid. No friends other than my cat. I feel broken. Eye contact is a nope. oh it was masking for me. LSD unmasked me around 28 years old. severe anxiety and introspection from a "bad trip" Oversharing is me too, dang. diagnosis: trauma, anxiety, obsessing, major depressive disorder, bipolar 2, ADHD. I keep telling them I'm BPD or NPD or something but they don't confirm it so w/e. differential diagnosis or w/e overlapping symptoms or w/e. meds: strattera, abilify, zoloft, seroquel the correct decision: idk myself. it's fucking torture. changed so much of myself to try and fix myself. trying to find the authentic me is so fucking hard. tried to end it about 2 months ago. sent to inpatient care. withdrew from chronic weed use. couldn't sleep or eat there without it or my cat. 3 hours a night of sleep then I paced the facility until blisters on my feet formed. lost a ton of weight. Post Acute Withdrawal syndrome fucking sucks. I CRAVE to smoke so fucking bad but I know it's a double-edged sword. I would go back to smoking ounces upon ounces back to back numbing out instead of "doing the work" like the therapists say. good news: opioid cravings are out of my system so I know weed cravings will be gone soon. life is shit and I want to fucking scream because I'm not getting better "you're so hard on yourself but you've accomplished so much these past 3 years!" should've seen me in my twenties though because holy fuck I want to yell at that person. I cope with video games, my cat, my immediate family, ASMR, meditation is said to work but I CAN'T fucking do it i hate it. that week at inpatient taught me that others are suffering like me. we bonded and had fun. I miss them a lot. It feels like I can only make friends when others are forced to be in the same space as me. out in the real world I can't seem to be social... going to try my best though. went to a group zoom meeting and met more people like me. now I'm relating to you. it's not all bad it seems but life is fucking rough...

Its so comforting that you're so truthful and honest in what you're saying, i relate to alot of what you're saying and i love you so much for this. Please take small baby steps at a time, you don't have to do something big immediately in the long journey of getting better, its all about the small steps we take everyday 💚lots of love.

Thank you, enza :)

yeah this fucking video is too goddamn relatable.. i literally jus turned 20 and i feel like a complete failure, and like i don’t think im brilliant or anything like that but i know that i could be something in life if it wasn’t for my mental illness… im watching myself fade away and every day that goes by it feels harder to get “back on track” even tho i don’t even know what that means anymore

Your story helps me with my introspection. I've cried doing video journaling about the same exact things. You put it into words better than I could. It's amazing to know that I'm not alone in these thoughts. Thank you for being vulnerable and transparent. I'm 26 and I've felt the exact same ways, I've also experienced and survived self medication as well and it taught me a huge lesson. You are a kinder soul.. sending lots of love. I wish I knew how to help myself and other people

8:30 is super real to me at the moment. I made some good friends 2 years ago. But it feels like while they still like me, i'm the one putting in all the effort. I check in with them, I message them. Like you said its like i'm trying to keep them. Because if I didn't I fear that id never hear from them again

Lovely...

Thank you for talking about this it really help me sending love <3

Life is empty until you fill it. You can replace feelings of emptiness with love and fulfilment by doing things that make you happy.

If I followed my brain and emotions wherever they led, I’d definitely be way dysfunctional still too. When I found Jesus and started getting into God’s word, I really did find stability I would have never had elsewhere. Read Matthew 7:24-29!! It’s real. Praying for you, sister

Thankyou so much, i feel the same way as you do at 21. im absolutely burnt out i dont know if i can do this life

oh my god im struggling w similar, i am so terrified, confused, and struggling all the time. i dont think i could ever film myself not cause its shameful or anything (im just paranoid) i respect u sm im so happy u made this video not cause ur suffering at all but idk uve helped ppl feel less alone. yt has been so negative lately and this is different, i hope someday me, u, and all of us struggling with similar can find some solace or healing.

We must be twins. I came across this video random listening to sad multi fandom videos. I wish I could explain everything you said to my therapist because it’s exactly 100% dot on the nose how I Feel. Even down to the illness of a auto immune disease (with no cure 🎉) I remember trying to explain to my ex how my mind works and my mood disorder and BPD and was told “if I had your brain I would kill myself”.

incel ahhh video

Whats weird for me is that I feel like ill get myself into a relationship and loose myself in it, but I will feel like I have a purpose and something to get out of bed for. My mind will consume itself in the relationship, but I will never be satisfied with the other person or myself in the relationship. We'll breakup and I will struggle to find a means to live. I have so many dreams and passions for what I want to achieve yet sit around doing nothing or getting addicted to drinking and drugs because every time I'm sober I just don't believe I'm capable of anything. I don't see reasons to love myself or even tolerate myself. It is the most confusing way to live. This video made me feel less alone thankyou. I hope your journey takes you to a life you cherish and deserve. Also your v funny you made me laugh.

Heyy haha😉

The part about weed iz completely spot on! You can be addicted to anything, coffee, food, spices, medicine, anything! My dad iz addicted to weed but doesn’t want to admit it. If u see how he acts without weed you’d think he takes coke or sum; and I like to watch my 600 pound life sometimes and in order to get to where they are u have to be addicted to food; some of those patients replace another substance that they was previously addicted to with food! But ya great video! ❤

I love this smmm❤

Hey, I commented on another video of yours before. I teared up watching this because the first half in what you said in the video really resonated with me and I’ve been feeling those thoughts lately. I’m not diagnosed with anything but I’m confident in saying I have anxiety and enough ppl have pointed it out (including a therapist which was validating). It’s frustrating cuz when I have tried to talk to my mom about mental health she thinks they’re just labels and ppl can easily be “normal” if they just exercise or whatever. I’ve been beating myself up cuz I haven’t been to the gym this whole semester and I graduate in 2 weeks so I won’t be at this college I’m at anymore. I’ve been on edge for awhile now and it’s only been getting worse the closer my graduation date is cuz I don’t know what I’m doing and I feel like I just let the semester pass me by instead of making the most of it. I also feel like I could be taking better care of myself but haven’t been in the mental space to do so cuz I just feel stuck.

This was heartbreaking because of how real it was. I'm basically the guy version of you. Shit fucking sucks.

This is a serious question despite the wording, so don't think I'm trying to be dismissive or something. What do you think of the idea that you are venting about the serious problems you experience while I (and likely a ton of other people watching) are mostly focused on your looks? People say that no one cares about men's problems, but men mostly just see the "woman" part of your suffering instead of viewing you as a person. It must be quite empty and irritating, even though it's not done intentionally.

This is exactly what I’m going through I’m 26 my family treats me like shit. Just kind of wasting away in isolation trying to distract myself from the tragic reality of my life.

Hello Enza! I finally figured it out!!...only took 50 years!!😂😂

Ok I'll respond but let me start by saying they have told me I have everything at some point in time, other times they say I'm a drug addict for still using what they banned me from being prescribed

I love this smm 😭

I would actually be your friend ❤

really glad I found your channel