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I enjoyed so much! Very brilliant insights from this group. I hope you do more groups like this! I was in tears because I felt so grateful for this deep sharing. I am adding this to my favorite videos. I sent this to our daughter who is also a 4. She is 18. This is wonderful information for her. I don’t know if she will listen to it, she is resistant to what I send her.

I'm only partway through, but I have to pipe up and say that envy is definitely a great path toward inspiration and motivation. My 4ish envy is the dark side of an intense idealism, a vivid awareness of what **could** be (in contrast to what is). I still feel that my vision of life would have been great (intense, creative, connected, adventurous...) if only I could have bent the universe to my will.

Great video, I totally identify with thinking my feelings. Thanks for the insight!!

Sooo good and.. authentic! :D <3

This was great! Total 4 peacocking - love it. Trying to understand how to use feelings as a compass of what to move toward/away from when they are so entrenched in vice. It can be quite consuming to pull apart and turn into action.

i'm a super grateful 4 to hear all of your perspectives, such good reminders to flip the coin and look at the shiny side sometimes! haha

Enneagram is about BOTH motivation and behavior, because behavior stems from motivations. Three of these exemplars are very likely 9s, and one seems to be a type 3 with a 4 wing. 9s consistently confuse themselves with being 4s because they identify with being somewhat sad, creative, and emotional. However, unlike 4s, 9s try to smooth these out for others sake - if they express their inner conflicts too much the fear is they will overwhelm others. 4s are reactive frustration image types, and thus they express are their negativity and amp up their negative emotions. What often happens is that 9s that think they're 4s believe they have 'transcended' that negativity in some way, when what they're really doing is just numbing out further. 9s identify with the 4 virtue of equanimity without knowing what it means on a deep level, while totally giving up on the 9 virtue of 'action' or engagement, meaning engaging with their actual reactions and impressions, honoring them and making choices based on them. One of the big problems of language within the Enneagram is this word "healthy". Health, from the point of view of Don Riso's Levels of Development, is exceedingly rare, to the point where you may not even meet someone genuinely healthy (at level 3 or above) your whole life. this is because it represents a certain degree of ego-transparency and non-identification that simply does not happen without years and years of intensive inner work. Health, therefore, is NOT transcending or 'getting over' some facets of the personality, it's seeing the personally even more fully. So the 4 never stops being frustratedly negative - they in fact see how deeply that colors their entire experience, and see it so deeply and how automatic it is that there comes to be inner space, there's a non identification with it. they can have some freedom in acquiescing to these patterns or not. But they never stop experiencing them nor 'looking like a 4'. So 4 is an image type - it's apparent there's only one image type in this panel. and the 4s image is not of being inspiring or whatever, it's of being separate, unique, one who sees more deeply, etc.

Made me laugh about myself for the first time... thank you instead of being in self pity:)

Loved the advice to welcome, cradle, and love the wounded child in us. I have also been unable to have babies.

Thank you, friends. That was very healing to listen to. :)

Thank you. I just watched your video. Wow amazing and interesting. I am recently doing a learning and development course and found out I am a Number 5 through in through. This was so informative and amazing. Cannot wait to learn more😀

As a four, when I feel envy the best way to counteract the mood is to move into gratitude and to remember how lucky you are already, and how much you have to be grateful for. Being appreciative of others makes the heaviness of feeling what you don’t have not as strong.

Taking a little poll… As an Enneagram 4, What is your Moon sign in astrology?? Feel free to add your wing and subtype also! :) Thank you 🙏🏽

Starts at 3:53

I’m a very very unhealthy four and feel lost to fix

I love the cool and calm energy of the four.

Thank you i think this is what we as 4's need! Support, knowledge, rolemodels to know how to heal. Very helpful

Beautiful 4's! The way we process the world is beautiful! ❤

Thank you so much for this. I do my action steps and it works. Feel much better and optimistic now

Loved this thank you Hayden - these are great interviews that extrapolate the understanding of what motivates the behaviors around vice and virtue. Keep them coming.

I was all onboard untill the identity politics/white male privilege nonsense.

"Name it to tame it." Will be incorporating this into my 4 world when I get emotional.

Avarice for me manifested as getting labeled a "waterproof teabag" :') I didn't realize it but I do withdraw in social situations and I wasn't as subtle about it as I thought apparently 😂 I do feel that I don't have anything to contribute in social situations and people generally don't share my interests so I'm awkward, quiet and selfish in terms of sharing my inner life and self with others. Surrounding myself with the right people has helped me to get out of my head (and the house😂) and face my general fear of people. I am making an effort to do that more and each time I do, I feel more comfortable, confident and proud of myself. Non attachment has defined a lot of my life. I don't get emotionally derailed by unhealthy attachments to people or possessions :') I've never had any debt and my lifestyle is very frugal because a library card and the internet are cheap. I'm still attached to my compulsive study habit but the nature and motivation of it has changed, I've undergone training to become a strengths coach this year 😁 Lots of love from South Africa 5w4 INTP

Reminds me of the song (that I relate to my 4 self), She's Always a Woman to Me. "She will lead you to love, but she will take you or leave you"....Push/pull at its finest. You ladies rock!! Totally relate to you both.

Excellent! Reminds me of other children's books that should be read and then discussed among adults or older children.

Hello Hayden! This is my first video of yours, I myself am proud 7 and I love your energy! If I could maybe ask for advice, I would describe myself as a well developed 7 both in the 1 and 5. The Covid pandemic and the whole isolation really pushed me into my 5 side and I am very thankful for that and being an architecture student really developed my perfectionism. The problem I now face is my passion for my work with the 1, its extreme mental strain causes me to bring out my 5 and then it is all personal reflection and stress release with extreme interior and exterior knowledge accumulation at 23:00 - 3:00 in the mornings and have to get up and work further the whole next day, every day. My time management is very good by this point but I can't seem to manage time to fit in friends and SLEEP. Up to the point where the enthusiast and connection seeker gets depleted and unhealthy. (Can also bring out that lovely over endulgement/toxication). I am still healthy but concerned about the sustainability of this situation. Do you perhaps have some advice for me? Thanks again for the lovely lecture video!

Massive mandela behind you plus amazing opening statement , totally a 4 !

Enjoyable interview. Relatable. When I feel triggered I don’t feel healthy in those moments, but I’m able to get through it quickly, like one of you mentioned. Yay, I’m a healthy 4 too. We really are courageous. We are amazing creatures. Love to us all. ❤️

i promise that absolutely no one in this video is actually a 4.

What a great chat. I'm a 1w9 sp and it's not easy. I have to keep track and control every aspect of life. I can't relax unless I'm away from home on vacation.

I LOVE THIS CONVERSATION OMG IT RESONATES with my MBTI ENFP~ sensation seeking, adventure and idea chasing gluttony ooooo

I am surrounded by whirlwinds of 7s! AHHHHHh I am grateful to have this conversation to better understand as a 4. <3

Love these Hayden x

No more knocking the feelings wheel! If it's useful, why would anyone look down on it? It's just a tool. I personally love it and it helps my clients too. Other than that, this is a fantastic video Hayden! Super enlightening. Brings a lot of things into alignment, and it was fascinating to see the 3 centers so clearly exhibited. (Would love to connect with T as I'm a former professional dancer as well and now coach :) )

Wow! That was super useful Hayden! Thanks for creating and sharing it! P.s.: I have a high Thinking Center, and low Action center, being in the middle with the Feeling center. I waaay overthink everything, and recently working on taking much more action! :) With that timestamp table of contents comment of mine it shows too haha :D.... wanting to learn even more, before actually taking action :'D

I made a timestamp "table of contents" to help me with learning some more by rewatching specific parts, I'll just leave it here in case it is useful for other ppl. too :) 0:45 Explanation of Enneagram 3:00 Centers of Expression explanation 4:10 Expressions of Thinking Center 8:20 Expressions of Feeling /Heart/ Center 14:00 Expressions of Action Center 16:50 -- Impatience in Action Center 18:35 Action Center vs Feeling Center 20:15 Action Center vs Thinking Center 21:00 Intelligence in the Centers and Balancing 23:45 Intelligence and Balancing - Thinking center p.o.v. 25:00 -- Emotions regarding High Thinking Center 28:00 -- Emotions regarding High Feeling Center 29:10 -- Emotions regarding High Action Center 34:45 Conclusion - "How do you want to balance?" 35:40 -- High Thinking Center Balancing Plans 37:06 -- High Action Center Balancing Plans 40:06 -- High Feeling Center Balancing Plans 43:20 Wrap-up

Wonderful to see Hayden again. His wisdom and kindness supported my son's development warmly and concretly.

This was so great!!! I feel really inspired and empowered after watching it.

The name thing....as a nine myself when asked ...in my mind I say "call me whatever you want baby" LoL

Overthinking stuff is my superpower

Simple enough. Take care of the today and tomorrow will take care of itself. No need to overthink it.

would love to be on the 5 or 9 panel

I makes my heart warm to hear the stories and experiences of fellow 4s. I see you and your everlasting beauty and worth! <3 <3 <3 *group hug*

I really appreciate and want to highlight the push-pull trait/experience 4s have. It resonates and cycles things that we either make peace with, or continue.