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Thanks for sharing these...I ran into them searching for cirrhosis stories Im in my early 40s and was a very functioning HEAVY drinker since I was 25, and I wasn't drinking 2 white claws a night and calling myself a heavy drinker. Large wine bottles, handles of vodka, kick around some beer sometime, basically whatever I could get my hands on. I could stop for a week or two but I can't remember being sober longer than that for all those 16 years. I must have been .21 or so at my dad's funeral and I drove to it. Like you I knew after x amount of years you reach the point of no return. Cirrhosis was the other 'C word' for me. Well just this past August I got my wake-up call. I woke up, started drinking some wine and when I took a pee it was like brown cola and oily. Horrid looking. Then I looked in the mirror and my body and eyes were like a bright crayon. My heart sank...that day i feared was here. I didn't have any fluid buildup and felt perfectly fine aside from the brown urine and jaundice(which itches) so I delayed getting looked at for a few days, but finally made an appointment with a Dr. He sent me home with some lab orders and an abdominal ultrasound skip. I really didn't feel sick but I looked it. Well a few days later the ultrasound came back as fatty liver(no surprise) and my LFTs we're way off..bilirubin 6, AST/ALT: 248/238, etc. He said I had moderate Alcoholic Hepatitis, which is right below cirrhosis and leaves damage. He sent me home with strict orders bot to drink or I'll die and I just quit that day. I don't know how but it snapped into my brain. Came back 3 months later for follow up and blood looked good. I dodged a bullet ..for now. This might come back to haunt me later. I still believe I have cirrhosis and they just misdiagnosed, but I'm fine now, so I'll take the news. Anyway, I appreciate you putting yourself out there and helping to inform others about what end stage alcoholism looks like and hopefully make the next person that comes along that just got his bad news feel a little less down and optimistic. Wish you luck!

Question: Does it help when people say, "Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm struggling (hurting) too"?

So does this mean that your liver is healing?

Blake! I've just binged a few of your videos because I subscribed but haven't been getting the notifications, so I'm getting caught up! 😄 I have to say, I am finding them so interesting and you are a wonderful speaker. Unfortunately, I didn't get to spend a lot of time with you back when we worked together while I was living in TX. Not quality time anyway, more going for drinks after work. I actually haven't drank alcohol in a little over 3 years myself! Different circumstances, but it was just time for me as well. I think you are going to help some people with this project of yours, who may be going through exactly what you are, or may find things they relate to within your story. I am just proud of you and wish you continued improving health and happiness ❤

Loneliness. Yes. That's me. I feel alone in a crowd.

always interesting. hoping and praying for your donor match to be found soon, in Jesus Name. thanks for continuing to share your story.

Gaining wisdom and coming through emotional hurts and struggles without the many vices we could choose to carry us through is the real answer to growth and moving forward. You're on the right path to your breakthrough, watch out world when you reach the other side.

Never....... and I mean never did I ever feel that you felt this way. I mean you were Blake, our Lucy Liu. There were sooooooo many guys that were just so infatuated with you. So many guys that always wanted me to hook you up with them. I just never knew that you felt so alone through all that time.

You're brave to tell your story, much needed and hopefully helps others.

Thank you for having the courage to share your journey and horrific health problems related to alcoholism. I feel like this is a topic that not too many people would be willing to put out there in order to help others before it's too late. May God Bless You.

Blake, I just wanted you to know I am following this. I simply support you, and I want to know more. I truly believe that this subject matter is SO important. I know several people that need your message, your dialogue. It’s one thing to read about alcoholism and the “do this, not that” sort of thing, but by you setting all this up and sharing, this makes it “real.” Also, (said with love in mind) sitting in your safe and comfortable place while making these videos…whether it’s your car, the front lawn, whatever… it doesn’t matter. Getting this content out there is. Just be you. Just my thoughts. ❤️ We’re watching.

Blake, you are so brave and I'm so proud of you and your recovery. This is wonderful, keep telling your story. Don't overthink it. Just speak from your heart. Your story touches my heart for two reasons: 1) I've been a nurse for 17 years. Two of those years I was a transplant coordinator, and absolutely loved it. I learned so much and truly loved my patients and medical team I worked with! My background also includes critical care, so I took care of fresh post-op transplant patients, and again, lived every minute. 2) My cousin had alcoholic liver cirrhosis, he actually received a deceased donor liver transplant, and I was there with him throughout his hospital stay before and after. I've been following your story Blake, and I will continue to so so and I'm keeping you in my prayers.

My question is how do you deal with the existential dread? My comment is you definitely still have the demeanor and teaching style of an English teacher and I think this could be very beneficial to those who need it. Keep going. I'm rooting for you.

I think you should make this a series, perhaps talk about everything in stages of your life and how your life affected others. When I met you and BJ, I really had no friends, at least gay friends. I did not go out or party or anything. When you and BJ left........ I turned to a really dark place. The two best friends that I had were gone....... I have never told you this, but the last time I saw you, I drove home, it was snowing. I put on the soundtrack to "The Bodyguard" I listened to track 11 and I just cried so hard while driving home. When I got home, I sat on the floor with a bottle of Jack next to me and just drank straight from the bottle. A part of me hoped that if I drank.... maybe it would feel like yall were still there. At some point I passed out, but not from drinking, but from just being emotionally distraught. For the next few weeks, I just went clubbing.. not so much drinking... just clubbing and partying all the time to a point where I couldn't pay my electricity, gas, buy food or pay rent. Partying became almost like an addiction to me because I had gotten so used to do it. To this day I tell all my friends about all the fun times we had.... but I never realized that nearly every time we were all together we were drinking.... and I'm sorry that I did not see it then.