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멋있어요 유진씨❤ ㅎㅎㅎ

Many Asian cultures tend to embrace a high degree of tolerance in order to maintain harmony within the community/family/network which sets me questioning "At what cost?". I think there's certainly something to learn from the western cultures where people dish it out objectively and make up after that (or at least this is my stereotype, please correct me if I'm wrong). How does one know the other better through tolerance which is a passive way of communication? I wonder if it is considered low-key toxicity to advocate such behaviour. Perhaps your sister is facing a period of adversity, or bottled-up anger from god knows. Even so, there has to be a much healthier way of communicating between family members. And that should have began with our parents, whose role is crucial in handling conflict resolutions and inculcating healthy emotional regulation particularly from the adolescent years and beyond. Don't get me wrong here. I'm not trying to blame Asian parents for this, neither do I want to change them. In my opinion, having the awareness that such tolerance-centric culture is not healthy is good enough (at least for our mental well-being) and that the best we can do is not continue that generational trauma to our children, particularly our first-born. Back to the "cost", I interpret it to be a trauma of emotional neglect ("whatever the situation, as elder sister, you must tolerate first"), of self-doubt/gaslighting (was I the one who did something wrong?), of having your loved ones defending the other child (why am I the one who needs to tolerate first despite me being the one who get lashed out at?). Funny thing is that I recently learnt about trauma from Dr Gabor Mate whose content helped me immensely in my emotional recovery. Otherwise, I would probably have thought this pattern is normal in adulthood. Perhaps this topic would become a great sharing session with your therapist.

First

Do you have siblings too? Even if you are the only child, I'd love to hear some of your stories on managing family expectations!

I graved a girls hand when I went on a date for the first time. Now she my wife of 10 years 😂

the wall is undefeated. it's over

Concert - Way to go on scoring 임윤찬 tickets. He's fantastic, as you already know. Dating - The only true dating advice I would give is to second another commenter's point to date only one person at a time - comparison shopping probably only leads to dreaming about perfection that doesn't exist.

great video outlining the dating situation in the states and summarizing all the challenges and factors that make it not as straightforward. resonated a ton on the point on dating apps being a business model and I've done my fair share KPI tracking (a table in notes app) in the past. I'm Chinese and my mom happens to be fortune teller/fengshui master (etc. superstition master), so she sends over "referrals" all the time. at this point, I've realized I've been approaching dating with my analytical brain, and I'm starting to feel that that isn't the best tool for the job. in a similar boat to you, 28M single, will likely be single for some time. glad that you are enjoying the life you've built for yourself, inspires me to do the same ~

As a 26 year old single guy who's never dated or even kissed anyone, I think this was a very insightful and surprisingly relatable video. Makes me feel older than I actually am lol. 😂😂

in my 20s watching this and this video is pretty insightful!

which korean pianist were you talking about at the end of the video?

Ah yes, the dating only top 10%, 6 ft tall, rich, successful white men trope that feeds into the ego of selfish asian women who only care about fulfilling their own dopamine induced hedonistic lifestyles

Women's menstrual blood smells really bad, why bother dating this filth? 😮

Hey thanks! I loved this video

Lol. Seems like you are very smart but yet you have made fatal mistakes which lead to this. It seems like your occupation did shape the way you think and structure your thoughts. However, this systematic approach does not work in human relationships. If that would be the case then the smartest people (or at least those who can structure their thinking) would be the most successful on the relationships market, whereas we see the exact opposite. In fact more education literally has negative (or shall I say opposite) correlation with number of children or marital status. Smarter you are - male ,female - more likely you will die lonely. Ain't that something. Ain't that something. Investment banks suggest to invest in animal toys and fine wine for a reason.

She’s gonna die alone

Love hearing your perspective. You may like to check out this book ‘How To Not Die Alone’ by Logan Ury. Logan has also done numerous interviews on RUclips and podcasts. Take care and be well ❤

Now, I feel like first dates are almost equal to interviews, but more intellectually natural and require high EQ. While we should be ourselves, potential partners are scarce nowadays, making dating difficult.

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I actually strongly disagree with 6:11. I mean i get what you're saying. But...honestly that would just end the date for me. That's enough to make it awkward and kill it outright. You didn't have to say that speech to him. You could have just subtly moved your hand away. That imo makes me think you're kind of a bee even if you aren't. Honestly it could be things like these that keep you single. I get what you're saying but honestly if I was that guy I'd consider that a sign of no interest and you wouldn't hear from me the next day.

Nice... Try Bumble...

Throwing up is a yellow flag? What would a red flag be….a heart attack? 😂

just date 1 person at the time before moving on the to next person so not having to compare and being confused and really get to know the person.

Is there a significant meaning to your last song? I sense it is what gives you energy to keep moving lol

Just finished, i see we all have our struggles - one thing that makes dating hard as a professional is we both bring that corporate feeling to the date and things end up being about the metrics My first girlfriend was 32 when I was 21, she was starting over and I was figuring things out so it was romantic, def my best relationship. you might have more luck with a younger guy or someone who makes less money - you definitely have skill with explaining/teaching, make him a superstar! New York is def extreme mode!

6:14 심장이 드군드군 ??

Welcome to New York City!!

I love the last part: Your story is already wonderful, partner or no partner :) !!

What’s the biggest lesson you learned about dating in your 20s or 30s? Please share - I'd love to hear from you!

Thank you for raising this interesting question. I had two such moments. The first time was when I started earning more money and finally stopped counting almost every expense. I began spending on food and clothes I couldn’t afford before (I used to buy only the cheapest stuff). This helped me reduce the stress related to my finances, support my family, and gain motivation to push myself further. The second time happened this year after reflecting on my mistakes, regrets, and all the things that went wrong in my life. I started analyzing my character, identifying the causes of my negative traits, and evaluating my actions objectively. I began to understand why some people behaved a certain way, became more tolerant of others' actions and words, and learned to forgive both myself and others. However, I still have plenty to work on when it comes to improving my personality. I find it hard to always be unbiased/honest, strict, and self-accountable. I’ve realized that only now, in my early 30s, I'm a real adult, and before this, I was just in my pre-adulthood stage. The main thing is that I found out what truly matters to me and what I want to do next 'when I grow up' 😅. To me, there’s no final line for adulthood. We continue growing mentally throughout our entire lives.

thank you.

I'm studying abroad in a country where I can't speak the language. Starting from ground zero makes me realize I have to put in immense effort to survive this whole 'adult' thing. Ofc, as stressful as it as, I believe there's always a divine plan and a good one at that ;) !!

I really appreciate the time and effort for this video. Also from a corporate girly to another, you are beautiful inside and out <3, thank you for your vulnerability.

Your videos are always gorgeous Yoojin!

I think the first time was when I drove alone, without anyone in the car, at 18. Then it was when I moved out of my parents' house to study in Paris. Then it was when I moved away again to take my first position as a teacher, and got my very first salary! Afterwards I got the last certificates and official congratulations on becoming a teacher after my internship, and then I had to move out (again) but all alone this time. Financial independance was the decisive factor for me I'd say - I was no more a student. Being in front of (old) kids all day is also reminding me that well, even if I don't always feel like an adult, I have to be the one in the room every hour from 8am to 6pm ! haha 😂

what is ur occupation

I love your videos.

At 22 I became an adult. I left my parents home and rented an apartment. One night there was a flying cockroach in my livingroom, I fought bravely and I killed it. Thats when I knew it, I was a grown up. Also now I work out not to be hot, but cause if I don’t, my sciatic stars bothering 👵

This was awesome! Thanks for creating and sharing this video. At 30 years now this really spoke to me. Also Loved the Neffex song at the end, really took me for a pleasant surprise. ps. Googled how to type pleasant and not ashamed to admit it haha #adulting

You’re adult when you: - realize that being human is actually pretty painful - can live with it - understand that sometimes it’s possible to be happy even under these circumstances of imperfection of this world

hey yoojin, thank you for sharing this. I personally am struggling to figure out this for a while, didnt know how to put into words what i've been feeling for years. was struggling with a very messy mind on exactly what you've said. taking a step back from life, issues and work now.

This video inspired me & I went out and took a walk right after work and called my mom! Thank you for a great lesson ans reminder

What made you first feel like "an adult"? For me, it keeps changing - from my first apartment lease to learning that mental health is a form of self-care. Share your "I'm officially an adult" moment below!

18 because that's when I felt all the weight of responsibilities. But I shifted my mindset after realizing that the more responsibilities I gained the closer I am to financial freedom. <3

35-year-old single lady here - I've been on dates but never in a relationship. I relate to every single one of your struggles and I've got one word for you - 2 actually! ADHD and/or autism 😉 Get tested for both! I too have always been an overachiever and ostensibly it seemed to (both myself and others) I had it all together - I've always been successful at work and school and everyone (including me) always thought they'd be guys lining up to date me. But I always put it off, giving my all (=limited) energy at work and feeling tapped out by the end of the work day and having zero interest in dragging my behind out on dates. It almost felt like it would be a waste of time, like those dates would be stealing precious time away from me when I could be doing way more entertaining things - reading a book, learning about my newest obsession (knitting, languages, religion, a random endangered tribe in Latin America), cuddling with my dog. As the years passed, it became more and more apparent, I wasn't like the rest of the people my age who seemed to get in and out of relationships with remarkable ease, and I was mystified by this until a friend of mine (with uncannily similar struggles) got diagnosed first with ADHD and later with autism. It then dawned on me, that diagnosis might be the answer to all my struggles. See I'd never considered it as I ignorantly thought ADHDers and autistic people were the hyperactives in school who couldn't hold it together for nothing in the world and I thought "surely that's not me!". But hyperactivity is actually just one of the symptoms and not everyone has it. Instead, it's the feeling that you have too much attention, going everywhere, on all your obsessions and new passions, it takes you significantly more time to complete work than what it takes other people, you get depleted from too much social interaction and prefer to stay home after work, meeting new people doesn't energize you but at times is enough to keep you holed up at home just so you won't have to go through the motions of keeping up the small talk and showing fake interest in someone else. Dating is hard for everyone, but most people seem to eventually figure it out, enough to find a partner anyway, even if a poor one. But people like us, we never seem to figure it out and that's the tell that there's more under the surface than just bad luck or lack of time. Just my two cents and I hope my perspective was useful to anyone struggling the same way out there!

Thank you so much for sharing this! I would love a fallow up video in 3 or 6 months talking about the things you changed and what you learned.