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This fits me! I was never told by my parents that they were proud of me, and I was always put down. I was told I'd never learn as someone who's disabled, and that I'd never do anything right. I was also told that I'd never amount to anything, and I still sometimes believe this to this day... I've got self-esteem issues due to that.

#ACES . ...

16:00 That one is spot on for me! I learned from a young age to never ask for anything unless I absolutely "needed" it. My bar for what counted as a need was (and still is) low. Though back then my standards were REAAAALLLY low. I've had several arguments with my fiancé about it. Just yesterday we had an argument about a recent cutting incident (which i started doing at 11-13 and have been trying to quit for the last 3 years, with mostly suscces), and he was pushing that i needed to rely on him more and let him be there for me more. It's definitely something I've been working on--especially since our conversation yesterday. But progress is really slow. It doesn't come easy to start letting other people help you when receiving help your whole life was fairly dangerous. But he is my knight and I'm so happy to have someone that I can start depending on. I just hope that my daughter grows up happy and well-adapted

Whenever I am sad, I mostly feel like they want to get into the issue not because they geniunely wanted to help me, but because as my parents they needed to be involved in my life and act like they help. I mostly reject their help and held resentment against them. Actually we had a fight on that issue and felt guilty, and THEY made me feel guilty about expressing my feelings. Now I see more and more that I didn't made that up.

The “Rod” was used by shepherds to guide their sheep, not to beat them with.

Great video, great explosions.

Sins of the parents affecting children who must respect them. Repeat for thousands of years and spread around the globe.

Queen you are saying EVERYTHING I have experienced and feeling! I asked God to help me in this area cuz i have night terrors about my kids and im grateful and thankful for being led to your channel. My healing is in learning what i did not receive as a child and making changes. Please please keep talking about this topic. Can u recommend any books? I would love to speak with you.

this was so informative, i thought my messed up emotion were a combo of aspergers and ptsd, but these videos are very eye opening, i had no idea even small emotional neglect can do this.

The rod is used to guide the sheep. Not to beat them.

This hit home more than I even thought it would because I’ve been treated like I’m making it all up and I’m the bad child.

Finally - getting a dog (oddly but maybe not that oddly) helped me start to heal. It’s so lovely giving my dog affection and taking care of him. And of course he returns it in spades. It’s sort of ordinary or obvious but it’s been a lifesaver to me.

My mother’s last words to me were via a text that read, “boo hoo poor you, always complaining that you have no family.” And I didn’t reply and she was living with other relatives and didn’t want to connect again or resolve anything before she passed away. It destroyed my heart, I couldn’t make it make sense. I felt like I was damaged, I still do at times. I cared about her and had to accept that she didn’t care about me. It’s the shame, the shame of “letting her down” in a way that was unredeemable, in a way of like “how can I be good or worthy if my own mom doesn’t want to try with me” that broke my heart and will for years. Im happier now, I am relaxing more and trying to trust more - but it’s a marathon more than a sprint.

It’s strange with neglect because it’s not an event, there’s not like a single “traumatic experience” that has occurred. And so if you’re anything like me, you grow up wracking your brain to figure out justifications for the disinterest your parents seem to have in your life, and then you are almost pathologically apologist for anyone in your life who dismisses or overlooks your emotional needs and the need to be validated. Sigh. Thank you so much for this

This is great, thanks so much for this! Heavy stuff. It’s helpful to have a framework or language to understand it in... 🙂

I grew up with my dad and stepmom who were emotionally neglectful. My mother who I’d visit during the summer was emotionally abusive. I never really had anyone to comfort me and make me feel loved until I met my Ex. I would tell him all the time how he showed me more love in the few years I knew him than I had ever experienced in my entire life. The relationship lead to a very unhealthy emotional attachment, and ultimately continued neglect of myself. I decided to end the relationship and now I’m having to not only repair the emotional neglect from my caretakers, but also the overall neglect of myself. It’s a very difficult and challenging journey, but I’m noticing improvements everyday.

These videos are amazing!

Best explanation ever. Thanks

I appreciate your video

These are quite common in asian families.. asian don't generally express their love to their children

Very good video, on point. Thank you

for the first time in my life i feel calm. because your describing what it was like to grow up with my mother. we are Jamaican. respect was HUGE

towards the end you described my Mother. im extremely aware of who i am and what i dislike or like and that always pissed my mother off. i realize now that she was extremely emotional neglected then did it to me. but i fought her every step of the way. but now im still lost. i need to let it go. move on.

i didn't know i was emotionally neglected until i realized i was a weird adult. Certain things are hard for me.

I appreciate your videos. Thank you.

My parents frequently said I'm too sensitive when I confided my fears and worries in them. It was always, "you shouldn't think like that" "why the heck do you think like that?" "Look at me, I'd never feel like that, so you shouldn't either" "the reason you're always so weak is because you think like that". So I am not used to opening up around people because I think it might seem really trivial to them. I internalized the idea that if I am feeling weak, it's because I haven't tried hard enough. I also believed that because feeling this way isn't normal, I needed to hide my weakness so that no one else will catch on to my abnormality. It gave me the idea that no one else in the world ever feels insecure and that if I do, it means I'm unusually weak. I literally believed I was the only person in the planet who was ever uncertain of themselves. RUclips and the internet have completely saved me by showing me this is not true.

This is a fabulous video. Thank you!!

Amazing how just someone's video can answer so many questions. I'm not in Nigeria, I'm in Canada but thanks so much.

"This is not hard for other people" Yes, That is what I realized. :-\ when I looked around and thought, "What am I doing wrong?"

"Don't spare the rod" is about pedophilia

Simi , I wish I could hug you. I always felt /continue to feel out of place wherever I go . I'm currently in a dark place in life and my psychologist diagnosed me with ADHD and for having emotionally neglected childhood .I was the only child , had food on my plate all times , I couldn't totally agree with her view...but you nailed it ! Can't thank you enough . Can you do a video on ADHD and emotions . Looking forward to your videos

Thank you so much for this video. I passed it along to a few important people in my life because every word resonated with me. It was both painful and comforting to watch.

Nope, sorry, every parent does NOT want the best for their children. And it IS their fault that their adult children have mental problems. So tired of hearing don't blame them. It is their fault. That is denial. Then, the word forgiveness has no meaning. Forgiveness means that something was done for which forgiveness is needed. But the issue NOW is where do you go from here. My parents continue to deny all their abuse and neglect. So you MUST give up the unrealistic hope that they will ever help you. Many will just continue to destroy you. You must get help elsewhere. Stop going back to destructive people for help.

Thank you Simi! I feel a sense of peace and comfort listening to your video. It was only recently that I realized how much my bad childhood has hurt me. When I listen to you things make sense -I can recognize so many of my own emotional problems. I feel like I finally understand what's going on with my emotions.

Wow you described me perfectly :(

EMOTIONAL ABUSE IS THE WORST IGNORING YOU NOT TREATING YOU AS A PERSON. CALLING YOU NAMES AND PUTTING YOU DOWN LEAVING YOU TO COME. TO FIGURE OUT THIS. THING CALLED LIFE ON YOUR OWN AND LEARNING FROM OTHER PEOPLE.WHO DON'T REALLY KNOW THEMSELVES

Jeuse loves you

this is such an amazing video! thank you for helping my identify so many feelings i’ve been having throughout my life and helping me piece it all together rather than me feeling like i have so many issues when in reality i have one large issue with stemming smaller issues. You are amazing!

My usual rant has been that I can never remember my mother or father ever holding me and telling me that they love me. To this day I am still struggling to "fit in" with family, friends, lovers or acquaintances. I am now in my 60's and still hope to one day feel "normal."

Thank you, Semi. best wishes from a recovering 66 yr old expat living in Thailand. i'm finally stating to understand.

Thank you so much love this video has helped me big time 😘😍😘😍 Peace and love to you

I love it... Please look at my RUclips

God all of those are me. Guess I'm pretty jacked up.lol 🙄

I love animals and like people way less (if at all)

Thank you 🙏

i would really love if you were to do a video on cultural/ social norms around the devaluation of emotions in general. how this results in many children being raised in households where emotional needs/ nourishment is viewed as an "additive", a "luxury" (usually associated with whiteness) or even the idea that investing this much in children emotionally will make them spoiled, entitled, or soft. and how these underlying messages stem from emotions being gendered as feminine, "girly", weak and therefore in order to raise strong sons we don't invest emotions. and because we need strong african girl- childs to take care of everyone, emotions aren't also valued either. these are some of the things I'm trying to articulate myself and not seeing enough videos that stress the gendered natured of emotions. thank you

thank you for sharing. there are very few videos on you tube on these psych/social topics that are nuanced and allow africans to identify with the contexts that you share. you also share the information in a very accessible and relatable way.

Thank you so much for this information. It has been helpful in my research.

At 42 with a nine year old child, I am struggling to parent because of blocks in my head.

Thank you for this. A seemingly overlooked problem for many.