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This video is horribly dangerous. If someone says “you are yelling. I am afraid. I feel unsafe. Please stop. Please leave” it is yelling. It is not “passionate”. And if you KEEP doing it you are abusing them. Your partner is not your punching bag for your triggered trauma. Go to therapy and learn how to self-soothe your trauma. Take accountability for your anger. Learn how to manage your anger. And stop saying “kids behave this way”. Kids that are taught well do not reach rage.

very inspiring and helpful for many of our dynamics... message received!

You totally simplified this for me. Thank you.!

Happy (Belated) Birthday, Dr. Assael! Thank you for the very helpful breakdown of these concepts and for the self-disclosure you shared as well.

You are responsible for what you say and do when you interact with your partner.

It’s subjective and it’s a tactic to manipulate a conversation and also denied in order to abuse another person

🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼❤️

This video taught me a lot. Either ours is not a true Pursuer/Distancer relationship, or my spouse is not a Distancer, we're something else. He is high anxiety, a worrier & self-admittedly emotionally immature. He's a loving person, just has trouble sharing and expressing how he's really feeling, like more "emotional overwhelm". I'll have to watch more to learn how to better connect.

Love your content so much! <3

Know this is an old video but this a hugely important topic and I appreciate it Assael! It can happen to me so often and so fast that it is hard to pick up on. Awareness is the first step.

Thank you for this video! The three monkeys! 🙈🙉🙊 That was a great definition of dissociation, Thank you!🙏🏼

Good God, stop with the hissing!

Oh man! This is mature content! Invaluable! Thank you!🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

OMG!!! This is revolutionary! Thank you for this and all the details in it!👌🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

I love this! I think the same would apply to over using “thank you”. It casts the grateful person as the inferior and the one being thanked as the superior. I don’t know if you have an episode on this, I guess people don’t tend to go that way in their interactions.

Thank you for this! I didn’t know this was a thing in intimate relationships, I thought it was just me!! “You fight to remember!” So true I journal everything now especially in intense times and helps improves my memory! Thanks again!

Amazing tip! “Make your partner the best therapist you have ever had”!🎉🎉🎉

You guys are so funny and watching you is fun! Wish you would create new videos but maybe less factual/informative and rather personal and relational. By watching you two in the flow state couples can learn a lot! All the best!✌🏼❤

Never thought of honesty or congruence with others is for us and not for them! It’s our way of solidifying our sense of self! Profound, thank you!

That was fantastic thank you. This book is on my read list

I love this emotional umbilical cord! Great video, thank you!

This is some of the best advice I’ve heard.

Constructive honesty is said in a loving way that encourages improvement whereas sarcasm devalues, shames, and wounds the victim of it to the core unless they enter a verbal war with their bullying aggressor.

Great explanation of differentiation!

I’m a bit late to this but I’ll glad I found this channel, I actually didn’t think the interruption was that bad, you guys seem to vibe off each other

You should create a new channel with an easier name so people can find these pieces of gold! Thank you for sharing!🙏🏼🙏🏼

Damn.

So well said , thank u.

Wow, what an amazing video. I've recently been introduced to the concept of self differentiation by my counselor, and there's so much here that resonates with me and where I'm at in my journey. "The only way around is through, and the only way I can grow is through the pain, and the ruptures, and the repairs." -- this hit home especially. I feel like I just got a sneak preview of the next few months of my life. Thank you for posting this - looking forward to watching the other personal development videos.

Don't ever assume you know someone. Don't try to understand them either. Love them, trust them. Don't try to understand them. You can't. They are them, and you are you, and the more you "know" about them the greater the circumference of ignorance will grow. Trying to know or understand is controlling behaviour. It stems from an inability to accept her as she is. Know yourself fully and know your own worth, then love and trust her. That is enough.

Hey, Been thinking of your family and hope you all are ok.

Good but not enough utilisation of the other and the relationship. I appreciate you sharing this with the world! Our hearts go out for you.❤ If you are still doing these videos, may I suggest that you interview Dr Stan Tatkin.

I’ve seen this first hand my ex wife and who I adore had a very sarcastic and cynical sense of humor. It was hard work. I’d call her out and she said “Just get over yourself Andrew”

This has been happening since Betty Friedan and “The Feminine Mystique”. It’s also unfair and unwarranted. Men bust their chops to provide then get faced with an angry, bitter wife who yells and can’t regulate her emotions.

Why can’t your wife own her bad behaviour? Yelling as a means of “expressing my anger and frustration” is just abuse. If a woman does it then it’s regarded as “venting” if men do it it’s regarded as “abuse”. There is no excuse for such behaviours. Your wife deflects all the time. It’s never her fault. Most men would have divorced her by now.

“Passionate” is fine as long as it’s not yelling. Artists are passionate. Abusers yell. Yelling is not subjective. Yelling is objective. If the neighbours can hear or your kids are scared of your yelling that’s abuse. The yeller who thinks they are passionate is simply abusive. Children who grow up with yellers become abusers. Yelling is no longer acceptable just as hitting children is no longer acceptable. As an adult your anger and frustration is your problem. You should be able to regulate your emotions. If you think yelling as an adult is acceptable you are using your spouse and children as a punching bag. Go for a walk. Exercise. Just don’t yell. It’s like hitting someone. Anyone who is a yeller and tries to excuse it by saying they are passionate ask yourself this: Would you want someone at your work yelling in your face? Would you want some random stranger in the street yelling in your face? No. It’s abuse bordering on an assault. So why do you do this at home? Home is meant to be a harbour not a tempest. See it from the kids perspective. They must be terrified of their parents.

I talk loudly and I'm often told I'm yelling. It's been really hard to change this. I am not afraid of confrontation, let's figure it out now and move on. I'm trying to be considerate and empathetic to other people but also I feel like I have to express myself otherwise I'm not authentic.

Great video. Thank you. Just what I was looking for.

You were really in a great inspired place when you made this series. BRAVO! Love hearing your spin on Carl Whittaker’s work.🥨 Improv for the win!

Taking this concept in 5 years later. Your passion and vigor on these innovative interpretations are awesome & needed. ❤

Coming back here every few months, keeps me out of the doghouse 🦴 Thx!

Excellent video. Thank you so much

You are a great person who touched my heart and made me clearly recognize old and hidden patterns-thank you❤🙏 Furthermore you convey a message I also support from the depth of my soul:we are all worth being loved.. ❤ I feel grateful for having found encountered you🙏

Great episode! Thank you for making this available to the English speaking!

Great video! Thank you for sharing your vulnerabilities!❤ Our hearts are with you.❤

One long improvisation…yep. Your singing helps to cement the lesson for me…Thanks for every episode, brother.

Bravo Assael, two to niner here. The risk/reward pendulum definitely feels more vibrant, and each breath becomes visceral.🥨

Third time watching in a year, as I develop “muscle memory”, in high conflict situations each episode proves very useful. As I breath, let it land, feel the burn, keep it playful and say the thing…I smile inside, and think - I got this! With the specific episode in mind, I jump into the crucible❤️🔥

This is Pro-Level sh!t Assael. Instead of reacting, being offended or getting defensive - feel it burn first…you’ll live and be a better person for your effort. Let it land📈

I find your content to be deeply insightful and true! Hopefully I will remember enough of your lessons to actually apply them in my life.