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I love how you mentioned the paradox of OCD at the end, huge nugget

i wanted to share my story to see if i could get some help! in fifth grade i went through a phase where i thought i was gay mainly bc other ppl were doing it. i “dated” a girl only for like two days but never actually rlly liked her. after 5th grade the phase went away and i started becoming boy crazy again. i had a huge crush on a boy and in 7th i had way more. now i am in 8th grade and a little bit before school started i was scrolling through tiktok and popped up on a video of billie eilish and i searched up if she was queer because i was genuinely curious. then i saw the comments that were saying “finding yourself is a process”. then i started getting thoughts “what if im gay?” “what if i wanted to be with a girl?” at first i didn’t know what was going on and i couldn’t eat or sleep without these thoughts. eventually i was doing some research and i believe i have hocd. however the problem is at first i used to be extremely disgusted with these thoughts and now im just straight up confused. i ask myself “do i want to be with a woman?” then i say “no not unless i feel very attracted to them and want to be intimate” however this scared me bc when i first started having these thoughts i immediately would say no. i’ve had this for abt a month and it’s horrible and now anytime i see a lesbian woman or a straight woman i ask myself do i want to be intimate with her and be with her? sometimes i get so confused and i say idk and sometimes i say no and sometimes the thought of saying yes makes me uncomfortable. just yesteday i got the thought what if im bisexual? i started taking quizzes i was so stressed bc now the label feels comfortable ig and right for now but the thing is i rlly do not have any desire to be with a woman and the thought of being open to experimenting with one makes me uncomfortable. i used to be so certain that i didn’t want to experiment with a women bc i don’t think i would like it however today i asked myself again and i said i think i would like it and it made so uncomfortable! these thoughts consume my brain and im so tired of having them im scared im just in denial or that i will turn gay/bisexual even though the idea of being anything other than straight makes me uncomfortable. anytime i do a daily task this is on my mind what do i do?

Brian - you stll alive dude?

Holy shit I did not expect this video

Micro dose meta amphetamine and you will get a libido of a 13 yo, or test the peptide PT-141.

What is the difference between "gay denial" and "internalized homophobia"? I've read several times now that "HOCD-enemies" claim that HOCD doesn't exist and that those affected simply have internalized homophobia. (mostly coming from the gay community)

Terrible video, you shoulda kept this info to your self big bro

This video gives me reassurance

Psilocybin mushrooms. Best shrooms I’ve ever had! Had some amazing trips when I first started taking them. Now I micro dose every few days before work and it has literally changed my life completely for the better.

The OCD Family Podcast (S2E90 36:04) he said he changed his claim to *ongoing anxiety* is a sign of rumination. This is a much weaker claim than what he originally proposed (or seemed to propose), but still somewhat far reaching. It's unfortunate that conducting research/studies on his theories is not as much of a priority right now, and he doesnt explain where his central ideas are from (like ongoing anxiety necessarily means rumination). At the very least, he's very open to feedback and adjusting his models over time. In more recent interviews / podcasts he'd talk about "omnipotent fantasy" a lot and admitted to falling into that way of thinking: if I just do A and B, OCD is just solved.

I thought I was going to kill a neighbour who was constantly complaining about normal household noises. I was so glad when they moved away so I couldn't act. I live with family and I'm currently suffering, believing I'll kill my adult brother with a knife from the kitchen. I'm starting to regret buying those nice knives. I've gotten extremely distressed about going to prison then killing myself there.

Hello sir I am 28 years old and i am suffering from some serious problem of low sex drive. I have read so many sex story and watched porn from 2014 to 2023. And my brain is totally fucked up. Now i don't feel anything in sex with female partner 😢 No feelings in sex Can i get sex drive back😢 What can I do for that Please reply ?😢😢

Ive never microdosed...usually 3-5 grams. Large doses help me long term in ways microdoses dont. Small doses make you happy.Large doses make you more spiritual

Flabbergasting. And very up to the point. Always hated the idea of using people for "experimenting". Completely nasty and egotistic. Thanks for being realistic amd nice person.

Hey I’m sorry I’m commenting on an old video but how do you deal with it if there isn’t any triggers? I caught this fairly early on because I basically jumped right on it after HOCD but I’m struggling with rumination more than the likes of being around children it’s usually a matter of, “this isn’t OCD you really are attracted to children” and it really freaks me out. Is it wrong I’m not feeling insane stress around kids? Ofc I feel a little bit of anxiety and I don’t like to look at them but it’s more a matter of constant ruminating

Wow. I'm definitely on the right track. I just said one day you know what...I might seriously and began just laughing at them. Meditation has been in my practice for a long time. Great stuff

Here's a thought: maybe this is just another layer of ritual? 😧 👿

I had a lot of stress and i was addicted to porn and masturbation. Nowadays I'm taking antidepressants and now i lost entire sex drive. I last time I had a little success. I had an erection but without ejaculation. Maybe I'll be able to get a full experience.

I hate this. Why cant life be the way it was before. I had seen gay stuff before and was fine..i had a girlfriend and had massive crushes on females. The whole dont look for an answer bothers me because it doesn't fit in with who i am

In my case I don’t have libido for opposite sex, but I have HUGE libido , super strong .. for the same sex :( I need to break up with by lovely boyfriend. I was so happy with him… but I can’t have sex with him and I want to have sex with girls, who make me horny all the time!! What should I do?

I'm getting a semi groinal response.

What do you think about those therapists who use the "paradoxical intention technique" saying to someone with OCD that they're in denial...and they should try it...may be they're gay". It took me years to overcome that conversation. I have been talking to a lawyer about it now that I'm in the proper recovery process, because that's a destroying statement they must not say to someone with HOCD. If this happens to you, if your therapist says you're in denial, use the law.

Where do you get these microdots from? I know this is being legalised in Australia! But 30,000 is a lot, I heard there are black markets providing this. I took quite a bit of LSD in the 70s which was the most amazing experience of my life, so I know what to expect, of course microdots would not be like that!

Much respect brother

I hope you know this video is still helping people 11 years later

How do you stop ruminating when it's constant 24/7?

I have HOCD. I'm a red blooded male but watching a lot of porn has confused me and certain images turn me on despite myself. But watching you has reassured me that I am truly gay. 🥵 🥰

"never been a drug guy" *smokes weed*

I will give you a gay man's perspective. I relate to what you're saying - if I saw a beautiful woman naked, to be honest I would be excited about it. Not because I want to have sex with her, but just simply because beauty is so nice to look at, regardless of what gender the beauty is coming from. Your sexuality is determined by whom you want to have sex with, not whom you find beautiful (you could find everyone beautiful, but that doesn't mean you want to stick your dick in everyone). Also I don't think there's any harm at all in experimenting. If I was questioning whether I might be bisexual, I would not feel any shame about experimenting, and I don't think you should feel any shame either. Maybe you'll try it and realize you don't like it, and that will give you peace of mind. Or maybe you'll try it and realize you love it, and that will give you an entirely new and exciting realm of possibilities. The easiest way to eliminate uncertainty is to get out of your head and start taking action. Experiences are the only way to truly know something.

I think I may be suffering a bit of HOCD with Brian, he's hot 😊

About if I’m already gay and this happened

Thank you 🙏

What do you mean by ‘ritual’?

Sorry Brian as much as i want to watch your videos i can't because it's making me have HOCD thoughts

How about I’m my case all the way till I was 19 when hocd first came into my life I had never questioned my sexuality if anything i was the man among my crew cause I always got the chicks I was a pretty boy with an attitude and that was a magnet for chicks and I live it and enjoyed it never before that night did I question sexuality I lived women. (Which night are my referring to)? You may ask well it was a night I took 2-4 pills of ecxtasy and smoked like 7 joints back to back. That day I had what I now know was a severe panic attack I do t know what the hell was happening to me. So I decided to just sleep it out. But when I woke up the feeling of fear was still there and all of the sudden the question came into my head “why do I feel this way? I’m I gay or something and boom 24 years later I still suffer from this but it’s been. So long that I actually forgot what it felt to live without this thought so now I just think I’m in denial even though I’m married and have 4 kids. By the way I’ve never been with a man sexually and I don’t feel like I want to but yet the though won’t leave me in peace. To the point that I act weird around other man I forgot how to mingle with other males and I just come across as weird or gay. I feel like everyone thinks I’m gay. But me it jUst crazy shit. I don’t even know how I have live this long like this without taking my life God knows I’ve thought about it. It sucks because you can’t talk about it with anyone with out them thinking you just need to come out because you are in denial. But I feel like I come across as gay to everyone and I always walk around with Shame and numb

Mad respect for being open about your experience

Holy crap. I’ve never felt so seen. It’s like you’ve read my mind lol Thank you for this and for the kick in the ass I needed to stop searching because I never did before. And this stupid shit has robbed me of my joy and peace. And I’m effing over it

This was extremely helpful. Thank you.

Good video. What's your recommendations for someone that's had HOCD but, had experimented in their youty sexually but, decades later has no interest in men but, the memories lead to the anxiety and HOCD.....??

Nowadays media teaches "we are what we feel", so it is not surprising that there are more and more people obsessed with a type of OCD that attacks identity.

You are a stud. You look like Austin Wolfe

Hi there, thank you for your videos! Are you still Microdosing?

Great content! Thank you! What would you advise if someone were in a position where they want to commit to a long term relationship with someone but are aware that they genuinely are unsure whether they could be happier longer term in that relationship because of unknown sexuality and doesn’t want to hurt someone, people (in my view) don’t generally want to embark on a relationship when you cannot make a commitment and one is getting older and wants to have a family (and the ocd has been around so long that it is impossible to know what is ocd and what is authentic)?

I had a severe porn addiction which escalated into shemale porn and after the breakdown of my last relationship as well as an episode of ED with a failed date I decided that 'enough is enough' and tried to quit porn for a few months of which only the last 5 weeks have been successful. But now ruminating thoughts and HOCD (uncertainty about my sexuality) has ruined my life, despite i never had such thoughts during my addiction as the addiction was all 'online based' and not with any real life person. Plus i always had my hot girlfriend to confirm i was straight, i had to end it with her as she became abusive and controlling. There was never certainty then and probably won't be now, but i am terrified that despite having only ever been with women all my life i am now convinced that 'i really like men' and have to always check for arousal, its destroyed 5 months of my life and im worried ill waste the rest of my thirties on this. I feel so bad i almost want to commit suicide.

I asked my Urologist and he checked my testosterone and said it was to the high side of normal. So I said to him, it must be something that comes with age. In a way, it's kind of a relief.

Hocd destroyed my life, this is sooo hard

I fell into some dodgy porn after an escalation, and while it was limited to the internet, eventually i tried acting out something to feel the disgust last year and i only felt 100 times more confused after, as in i didn't know my identity. I never had sex with the person, the mere thought made me uncomfortable, just sat there and talked to them but I've had severe HOCD since then and stopped watching porn altogether, but i can't stop trying to reassure myself I'm straight. May be I am just 5 per cent bicurious. May be I'm bisexual. May be i'm straight, may be i am something in between. I suppose I just need to be content with AMBIGUITY and uncertainity. I have a bit of an anxiety problem which can portray itself in many different forms, and all of them have a common theme: constantly seeking reassurance and not accepting uncertainty.

Hey bro, i have OCD growing up and since last year it got worse. I had panic attack due to an incident that occurred and i fainted and hit the back of my head( but not very hard). I couldn't remember anything around that time but i do know when i got up everything was black and everything sounded very loud. After that i stuggled with health anxiety and religous OCD. But lately since the start of this week i have been struggling with thoughts saying i am gay when i am not attracted to men but women. It started very randomly and has been giving anxiety alot but now it just has me confused. I never had any attraction to any man in my life and literally the day before all this started i was attracted to a girl that i know. Now i get these weird constant thoughts sqying i am gay and thoughts trying to convince me i am when i don't want to. I am very confused and bothered by this. Does this mean i am gay? Beacuse i don't want to be with a guy i want to be with a woman. I always find it gross seeing two guys together. I don't ever get aroused at the idea of gay sex but i do get aroused by women. But since this started it has been hard for me to figure out.

Thank you for this video. How long does this take

I don't understand the obsession with labeling ourself. It doesn't matter! As long as you aren't hurting anyone, just live your life. Also, just because you may have had sex with a member of the same sex doesn't mean you are bi or gay. I'm 100% gay, however I can get turned on by some straight porn, nor am I repulsed by a naked woman's body. That doesn't mean I'm bi. Even if by some miracle of modern pharma I had sex with a woman, it still doesn't make me bi.