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Ah, good! Another thinking person to subscribe to. I’ll be needing that for the next few years here in the U.S. - assuming I survive at all.

I wish your videos had subtitles so I could read 🙏🙏 thank you for voicing and advocating. ❤🎉 from Sunny Sydney Australia 🇦🇺

Excellent presentation as a parent it really has a lot of great information .

I started writing this comment with the intention of asking a question - (using this analogy: why is it harder to do something you were already going to do, if it becomes a demand?) - but in the process of writing I answered it for myself. I do not know if any of this is true for others as it is based on my personal experience. I'm not sure if I'm autistic or have PDA, but I have experienced some PDA symptoms and deal with some demand related stress. I also resonate a lot with the sweet analogy; many demands feel that way for me. I wrote the above disclaimer and explanatory introduction for clarity. The following are my thoughts laid out in a question+answer format: The only question I have is: why is it harder to do something you were already going to do, when someone asks you to do it? Hypothetical scenario A: [I was going to give my last sweet to my friend as a gift. Then they ask for one of my sweets.] In this scenario I am upset because I don't get to do the nice gesture I was planning on. So, the experience I was emotionally attached to is the idea of giving them the sweet as a surprise, not the idea of eating the sweet. Scenario A part 2 : [I'm momentarily upset because I think I won't get a chance to let my friend know I was going to do a kind thing for them. Realizing the issue, I decide to respond: "I was going to offer it to you. It's my last one, and I wanted you to have it."]. I actually think that would make me feel better, especially if the friend responds in a positive way. I wanted to make them happy, and I did. But, it is still a stressful situation overall. These hypotheticals support the idea that PDA is to do with demands taking more emotional energy, because in scenario A and A part 2, I had to regulate my emotions and think of ways to cope in a stressful situation, which would take me a lot of energy. In part 2, I found a way to lessen my disappointment; this made me feel better because I had to use less emotional energy to regulate the disappointment. But, I was still stressed by the change of plans. But this is still a scenario where I don't get to do the thing I was going to do (giving away the sweet is a different thing when it was asked for). Now I'm trying to think of a scenario where there is nothing equivalent to the sweet. Scenario B: [I am sitting with my mother in the family living room. I get up to close a window. She asks me to close the window since I am up.] This may not trigger my (potential) PDA at all, but if I am already stressed it might. Since closing the window is not hard for me, I would likely still be able to do it. But, it would be harder with the demand than without it. Why? I suppose it is still about the emotional energy. It causes me stress because it feels like a demand; maybe demands take more emotional energy to fulfill. Okay, why would demands take more emotional energy? Partly because I have to suppress my initial emotional reaction (irritation/stress). But that stress is a PDA symptom. Why is it stressful in the first place? Maybe because I now feel like I am doing it for you and not for me, and it is harder to do things for other people. It has become work, like a mini-job. That makes sense to me, I think a lot of people (including neurotypical people) find that it is more emotionally draining to do things for their job than for themselves. Many people say that the idiom "if you love what you do, you never work a day in your life" is not true for them. So, my conclusion is that the sweet analogy is really good, but I don't think it works quite as well to explain why certain demands are still stressful even if you are not sacrificing anything. If anyone with PDA finds that this is true for them, maybe the "work" analogy could be useful as well. A specific analogy would be: it is more draining to spend hours working on a project for someone else than for yourself. Or, with PDA, being asked for anything feels the same as being asked for things at work, already stressed with your own pre-existing tasks. These analogies might be useful for describing scenarios where you are asked to do things which you do *not* usually find upsetting when you decide to do them yourself. End of analysis. Post script: Well now that I've finished writing I'm feeling a bit silly for accidentally writing an essay... Especially because I don't even know if what I experience really is PDA! I honestly just meant to write a short comment saying that I related a lot but I thought there might be PDA symptoms it didn't cover. And then I went a bit overboard XD It is because I just today started a higher dose of ADHD medication :) I was very tempted to delete this comment but, I have decided to post it anyway, just in case it is helpful for anybody.

Wow! That was impossible to read! Way too fast!

Oh I would have liked to attend but I’ll be away then. With no internet eek!

Brilliant !!!

Love this

I missed the conference, this lady really makes me wish I hadn't! ❤

Very well said

That's exactly it. The sweets example. I look it like spoon. If some ask me to do something and have many spoons no issue. If I have 1 spoon the act of even asking to do something can cost me that spoon if it's interruption. Then no spoon to respond to the ask let alone do something the feels like a demand. Just don't have the spoon. So it's not avoiding but just no capable of dong it. I can avoid if it's my last spoon of the day.

So it’s not pretend Neurodiversity, it’s pretend Neuroaffirming acceptance and accommodation. Not to mention when someone believes they understand, but then talking to them and spending time with them, brings you to the conclusion that they don’t.

Came for the thumbnail (thinking that the abbreviation was for Public Display of Affection), stayed for the informative video. Thank you!

Thank you for sharing Max, it really helps parents of those at the beginning of their spell board journeys

Thanks for reading it , great blog .

I LOVE AND LIVE FOR CONVERSATIONS LIKE THIS... THANK YOU! ❤ My daughters just recently been diagnosed with Autism. I advocate for and have Adhd, i suspect Autism too. I am always, always questioning the current model and doing what i can to create awareness. I love your work and cant wait to get stuck into your trainings! ❤ thank you

"The medical model is not serving us." I disagree. I am Autistic and I fear conversations like this, which reduce my inability to hold down a job, drive, speak clearly, etc etc... because "Autism doesn't exist" is the most terrifying concept. The fact is, we can't "dismantle and rebuild from scratch" the medical model. And while you are trying to do so, I'm feeling alienated and left behind. My diagnosis was a net that kept me from falling to my darkest depths. This conversation seems to be attempting to dismantle that net that so very newly appeared for AUTISTIC WOMEN. I can't speak clearly enough to ever have a conversation like this, so my voice will never be heard. So I felt I needed to share it here. This video was deeply troubling to me.

Functional MRI studies show that while neurotypical brains were all wired exactly the same, every autistic brain in the study was wired uniquely. I've always thought that the autistic neurotype has been pathologised, when it's just another model of brain wiring. It's no more "damaged" or medically "wrong" than a Mac is "wrong" in a world of PCs. It's just a different programming language / operating system. It's arrogance that pathologises anything different. But if it weren't for people with those differences, humanity would be far further behind sociologically and technologically.

Thank you for sharing this! 💞

Thank you both for making this video. I can’t even put into words how important this conversation is. I will be saving and rewatching.

Thank you for this... I am sharing it with others, both ND and NT, so that we can feel more confident in speaking to our communication needs whilst acknowledging the needs of others, respectfully. ☺️✨

When my youngest daughter and I chat, we'll carry on multiple conversations at once. She'll talk one topic, I'll talk about another, then we'll randomly shift to speaking about a third topic. But, we can each follow all of the conversations. 😂

Diagnosed NVLD in 2012, told my traits did not meet the threshold for ASD, nor ADHD. However, during recovery from an unknown long standing illness two years ago, my ASD / ADHD traits are coming to the fore even moreso. Now to get a new evaluation with the correct diagnosis and to help other Autists. When I realized how dysfunctional and incongruous the concept of neurotypicals evaluating neurodivergent individuals, I decided I needed to begin a journey to see how I can take my insights and experiences to help others - to be a bridge of understanding. Thank you for posting this chat and for helping everyone gain more understanding and wisdom.

You've sold it to me! That was a great discussion.

Thank you soooo much! This is the best explaination I've ever heard and I 100% resonate!

Really interesting to understand screen time, as regulating. Thank you

While I agree with most of what you are both saying, the bit about allowing children to make all their own decisions felt a bit too simplified and if I dare say, naive. I don't think anyone in their sound mind would say: "Fine, you're in charge of your own life." to a five year old who decides they want to walk in the middle of the road because they don't want to hold mummy's or daddy's hands. Or say: "OK, no problem." to a teenager who decides they want to live on nothing but pop and crisps. That kind of chat gives us (autistic people) a bad name. In future, please be aware that when you do an interview like this you are seen as representatives of all of us. Apart from that, thank you for sharing.

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I wish they would just say they didn't want to pay for these things. Some of the excuses they make are much more hurtful.

Someone should make an app with themed word pallets. That would make more sense than trying to fit everything onto one screen.

I'm so grateful for this. It could be a while before I get access to resources.

That is so perfect!!

Good video! Thanks for uploading!

I love the analogy… the way it feels to me is similar but rather than having to share the last sweet in the packet it feels more like that friend we all had growing up that kept asking for more. The first sweet is easy, the second I’m very reluctant but still do, from here on it will depend on how many I have in the packet or how keen I on them. It could give ing it away but with a fight, and screaming that that’s the last one, or it would a hard no, or it would be me hiding the packet and saying that is finished because it’s easier than to how the full packet and still say no.

You're very positive and reassuring.

Thank you, i want to learn everything I can about Autism to help my 2 ½ year old. 💕

Mommy, Mikko seems to be stressed and pressured to move and perform. When she does do what you want, it's never good enough to please you. Then comes the tantrums or meltdowns. Whatever you want to call them.

Great information!

Yes😊😊😊

I should do that

oh god your experience with speech therapy is so similar to me, except they did manage to "fix" my speech, now ive been diagnosed... i just sit and think about how i preferred the way i spoke, i loved my speech, i could speak pretty well, i just struggled with forming full sentences, and "r"s and i with "s"s probably more

Great information! I would love to interview you for my podcast!

Thank you so much for this brilliant presentation, so many actionable insights.

Newly diagnosed ASD, 65 year old female. I am working so hard to function at all, any demand that I don’t expect is challenging for exactly the reason you say. Thanks

Excellent illustration- thank you

It has been absolute joy to listen to you Alice. You are so authentic and sincere as you share your life experiences with us. It is a powerful validation of who you are.

brilliant analogy

Always a pleasure listening to you three

I’m in the middle of reading Autistic Masking as well. Yes, you do need to be able to concentrate on it it’s very involved.