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@@maddogmerv Thanks so much. Good luck on your upcoming Virginia gig!

Good for you! Consider asking friendly peers for advice for handling people/situations that make you want to complain. It''s a subtle shift that is more productive. :)

Thanks, Merv!!

Glad this video was useful for you. You are in good company -- so many women (especially) struggle with this.

Thanks, Elayne! I'm so glad you've found the videos useful. Let me know of other topics you'd like to see more videos on.

You highlight an issue common women -- being labeled as "confrontational" when they assert themselves. Continue to stand up for yourself and your team. Without knowing everything about your situation, I would suggest the following: 1. Find a mentor (male or female) who you have good rapport with and whom you respect. This person could be inside or outside your company but should not be your supervisor. Benefit from their wisdom on how to navigate workplace issues. 2. Life is not a meritocracy. Be competent at your job but don't give your "all" to the company. Companies will take and will rarely recognize or appreciate what you've given. So take it for granted that sometimes you won't be treated fairly. Many decisions in companies are "political", calculated to advance the interests of the people with the most power; decisions often are NOT based on how much one cares or how competent they are. 3. Become aware of how you are coming across when people use the word "confrontational". Can you feel yourself losing your cool? Do you get overly worked up when advocating for your team? The trick is to recognize your usual patterns and make sure you're in a calm state when you bring up the touchy topic where you can base your response on the facts that are causing the problem and be curious about the other person's perspective. 4. Assume the good intentions of the people around you. So, when you feel like you need to advocate for yourself or others, you know the other people involved are trying to do something good, too -- even if it adversely affected you and your team. Look to work with the other party to find a solution that honors you and your team AND meets the needs of the other person/department. 5. A middle manager's job is hard: you're torn between implementing the company goal's and communicating how things are going on the frontlines during that implementation. Advocating is probably not the stance as a middle manager. You're more of a bridge between senior management and employees. How can your employees take responsibility for giving necessary feedback about their experience to upper management without you having to be the messenger? Often, the dynamics you experience at work are almost tailor made for your development as a person. (ugh!) So, it might be interesting to reflect on whether you've encountered similar dynamics before, at work or in your personal life. In the end, this just might not be a good company culture for you (i.e., your values may not align very well with the real company values in spite of what they say they are). Learn what you can about yourself, gain some skills from this job, be grateful for what you gained from the experience, and move on if that's the case.

There are a few videos available on other channels that address how to deal with passive aggressive bosses. A quick search for the topic turned up at least 3 videos on that topic, plus there are many others for dealing with passive aggressive people in general.

Research suggests that when employees feel more valued and supported it increases their wellbeing and job satisfaction, which is positive for the company as a whole. Studies show that when employees are more satisfied with their organization, they are more productive and less likely to leave. Also, recognizing and empowering employees can increase motivation leading to improved performance across the organization.

@@firebrandconsultingllc2375 Appreciation can seem insincere when actions and words don’t match. If a company has annual layoffs and employee appreciation recognition then what message are they really delivering to their employees? It’s a mixed message of not really appreciating their employees.

I'm glad to hear that the information in this video at least helped explain your experience in your company's culture. The conundrum for most people is to decide whether to remain or to try to find a "better" company. Unfortunately, it's a trade off -- every company/leader has their own unique dysfunction. :(

It's bad enough when co-workers are passive-aggressive. It's much harder when your boss is, for sure.

I'm sure YOU'RE not passive aggressive at all 😒 You sound a bit bitter and maybe a bit jealous bud. If it's your boss you really probably do not have too many options except to try and go with the flow and stop thinking so poorly of their stature over you as well be grateful you're staying busy working. I've seen bosses on power trips but hardly ever passive aggressive unless they're threatened by you that you may take their jobs. I see it with workers who think they can do my job but when I give them the chance they can't even get the simple things right.

@@davidu8688 no i not i simply say what ive got to say, or im openly aggressive if the circumstances i find myself in requires it, jealousy is something i understand ive never afflicted by it, i recognize skils and talent of all kinds and respect that but i don't stand in awe or admiration either i am a boss of myself, i actually really enjoy working with good bosses and do so willingly its a pleasure and they appreciate with out even saying anything, however there's a form of management where the individual is not Able to lead they simply aren't perhaps on paper they run a company but fall short in the skills necessary to create a enthusiastic workforce and as a result are poor excuses for bosses just weak wannabes that use nasty tactics threats instead of being someone who the staff can look up to. Ive got literally no tolerance for mangers that aren't up to it, makes work impossible and something simple turned into a grind because usually like cant even admit to themselves they simply aren't cut out to be boss, very good bosses have to do very little and the teams they assemble are mostly on point a great to work around its rare though now. Im not sure how i can sound jealous i wasn't aware plain text comment came with audio i been a boss i was ok certainly wasn't passive aggressive. 😂

That was a very passive aggressive comment. You might be the one with the problem

No wonder! Yikes! I would say "hang in there" but maybe not . . . .

Thanks for the comment, Merv. Hope things are going as well as possible for you and your custodial crews during a pandemic!

Thanks, Kevin.

Thanks, Merv. Glad to hear this resonated. Stay well.

The references are in the infographic for this blog post a wrote a few years back: leadlikenobodysbusiness.com/2018/06/18/by-the-numbers-capturing-lessons-learned/

Thanks, Merv! Hope things are going well for you and the rest of the crew.

So glad you found this helpful, Julie!

Thanks, Mark. I'm glad it was helpful.

Thanks, Merv. Always good to take time to look at how we're leading.