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Hi Samantha - Thanks for your question and for watching the video. It can be hard to connect with someone who's resistant to it. Hopefully this person can learn to differentiate between empathic inquiries and questioning about opinions, events, etc. If the problem persists, maybe you can get access to a qualified professional in your area to help you two communicate more effectively. Wishing you all the best...

This is an excellent point. Thanks for adding it! Abusive situations are often complex and confusing, leaving one with few good options.

​@@ChrisNealCounselorI'm in a situation where the only opinion i am allowed to express is hers and her mother's. This is abuse too is it not? Women tend to excel at this kind of invisible violence.

Thanks for your question and for checking out the video! You bring up some interesting perspectives on the issue, and I want to think on them a little - maybe do a video oriented towards them. Of course every situation is unique, so I can't offer you any particular advice. If this is a persistent and troubling pattern in your relationship, perhaps seeking support from a qualified provider would be helpful. Generally, I will say that stressful interactions can undermine perception and memory in surprising ways for all of us. I can understand the desire to set the record straight when we feel we're being wrongly accused, but this can easily turn into a power struggle. It's a difficult choice that's likely to be influenced by your unique values and needs. Best wishes to you and your partner, and I hope you can find ways to help each other feel seen and heard.

@@ChrisNealCounselor Thank you so much for this thoughtful response. I have not seen a video addressing what I think this nuance is. I've wrestled with if this is a defensive posture and if this is a right/wrong direction I'm taking if I validate feelings and then say "My perception is different..." And I actually believe that I can do/ and be perceived as doing things I'm not aware of. I try to see this person and others as children (because we often are emotionally) when they share feelings and with me or are vulnerable. With children I think most people only want to comfort them and say they are sorry if a child comes up crying to them and saying "You hurt me or You made me sad or You ignored me". Most people never argue details or specifics, especially in the moment like "But you did this, that happened years ago, or I wasn't even in the room!" in this case they just hold the kids, say they are sorry for hurting them, even if they did nothing, and soothe them. Not saying what I think is true brings up feelings of fear of blame and misunderstanding in me. The person is an ex, deals with trauma, avoids talking about feelings, and we've been talking about what I can do to get her to share more feelings with me after she said she was not comfortable doing so. Thanks again for the time and advice. Looking forward to more videos. I think I've answered my own question.

Glad it was helpful!

Thanks for your reply! It sounds like you're working on avoiding the tendency to "fix" your partner's concerns. It can take effort and intentionality to break that habit. I think feelings are incredibly powerful and we can often draw conclusions based on them - this doesn't make it wrong by default. We all have our unique ways of surviving a complex and dangerous world! Would it be helpful for me to do a video on _how_ to hold space for someone else's emotions? Perhaps discussing the incredible value of curiosity and empathy in relationships.

I'm sorry you have this experience. This can be a complex concern in a relationship. Hopefully you two can find a path forward that feels mutually supportive. Best wishes.

I'm glad you enjoyed it! Hope you'll check back on the channel to see what else is helpful.

Thank you! Welcome to the channel! 🙂

​@@ChrisNealCounselor me too.. I needed this information.

Thank you! Happy to have you here. You're absolutely right - political gaslighting can be exhausting.

Thanks Nick! I appreciate your watching.