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Can you guys give tips about being friends with every attachment styles?

Mutual dependency sounds bad to me. Wouldn't it be better to be independent? I guess I don't have a secure attachment style. That's not surprising, given my trainwreck of a family.

Yeah I have all of that. I have been very successful and well-adjusted in my life and have enjoyed several very lovely long term relationship (10 years plus) I got with one of these avoidant types and after three moneths of a near perfect start to a relationship she shut down emotionally one evening for no apparent reason. I started feeling anxious in a way I had never felt before, it was awful. Long story cut short, I saw her three days later, no change, day 4 I ended the relationship and insticntively went what I know now to be no=contact. I hurt first and hurt hardest because emotionally stunted people like this need to know there are consequences for their bad behaviour. I don't care what the reasons are, like the rest of us they too need to take responsibility and' do the work'. I'm here to learn about this stuff, to ensure I don't attract one of these ghastly human beings into my life again. Avoid the avoidants at all costs.

Everyone is at risk with an avoidant, duh lol Even avoidants don’t want avoidants because they can’t use each other for fuel or validation when they want

Self sacrificing

Listen and empathize

Warm and caring

Daring and unpredictable

Resilience

Just one thing I don’t find it hard to trust but more like, I trust too easily; then I get manipulated sometimes and sometimes I get disappointed because I start overly committing to the friendship and I expect the same from them but they don’t have the same attachment to me like I do to them… and so… manier times due to this one sided commitment we just drift apart & friendships end ; or the “bestie” just turns into an acquaintance

Very informative. Thank you

I have all those super powers🎉❤

Really disappointed that this channel has stopped posting new content. Is it over?

I made myself secure through therapy and self work. My parents developed a completely screwed up anxious attacher.

2:20 the first tip everything until that point is just waffle

I'm thankful for the attachment project and I hope to continue to learn how I can build a more secure attachment style 😊

My superpower is I'm still breathing

I did the quiz abd mine came vack secure when i am disorganised. So.e questio s were difficumt to answer because it was not asking the riggt questions such as am i afraid people will not live me or feel for me as i do them and i answered no becuase i dont love people easily and i dont get close to people even though i. Hella friendly so its i.possible for someone to not love.like or like me as much i i do them cos theirs should be more than mine

everyday is painful for me

Great explanation. I have my clients complete the attachment style quiz so we can begin doing the work to unpack how they show up in relationships. I also took the quiz too for myself so I can have a better understanding of my own behaviors. I can say much of what was discussed is spot on.

Great explanation! I can definitely see a lot of this in myself. As a therapist, I can't take an objective stance with my clients and not take the quiz too. I think this will be quite helpful in unpacking my behavior.

So how to heal?? Yes resilience and perseverance are the quality few people have said about me.

This is so not true. Its really black and white and its kind of far from my experiences. I think these "super powers" are more of a personality trait than it is an attachment.

This has been me all my life.

Thank you, this is encouraging. It's really hard not to just view myself and broken and useless knowing how difficult it is for me sometimes to form healthy relationships with people. So it's really nice to hear that there are things that can come easily to me, and not everything has to be a battle against this coding I had no control over.

Thank you for the video

Ariel Genevieve Stanley lee marsh Rd deland Florida

Ariel Genevieve Stanley lee marsh rd .

This is a fantastic video. Clear, concise, well-made. I scored for the secure, and it was very interesting. Please keep making videos as I don’t see very many of them recently. These are very insightful. Perhaps you can do some role-play videos to show the different styles. That would be very helpful and you’d have an appreciative audience. 🩵😀

Hi I need help my relationship where my girlfriend is the avoident type and i'd be the anxious type. can someone help?

Please change the narration voice. Very phony and annoying secretary voice

Imagine your attachment style as a quirky recipe for friendship soup. Some days, you throw in too many ingredients, making it too spicy, and other times, you forget to add any flavor at all. 🍲

These videos are so overlooked. I thank you for them!

wow. this is so true gawd.

Thanks

I never knew about disorganized attachment styles until much later in life. I used to think the shifting triggers meant they were lying to me about what their triggers were; I'd never considered a person NOT knowing they were doing that. It's very helpful, as a secure attached person, to know because I feel less hurt by disorganized attachment styles now.

Write her a novel*. She will learn freakishly slow at first. But, that’s okay we’re here now. 🥰🤷🏻‍♀️

It's nice seeing that I DO have some strengths !!! Pls keep up the positive perspectives.

Pls do one on avoidant attachment style :)

Where are the super powers video

All of this!

It was only recently that my husband and I have been able to identify what is different about our relationship.. It's only that ONE of us has a secure attachment style. That's it. It's so weird that having one of us believe everything is workable and the second trusts the first... It works out ❤

I have dyslexia, I said to myself: "I HAVE detached art teacher friends, but I didn't know that was a 'thing'."

The first 30 seconds of that video already got me eye rolling as in yeah yeah that's me, i heard it 100 times before. I guess I need to keep watching 🤦😕🙃

I know I have a disorganized attachment style. I've known it for decades. I've even read Dr. Brown's textbook on attachment. The simple truth is that therapy and all the commercialized healing modalities I sincerely dove into made my trauma symptoms *much* worse. Dr. Daniel Brown noted on one of his podcasts that he found working with trauma in with a disorganized attachment created more trauma. You need to create a truly secure attachment first and foremost before doing anything else. I wish this was more known because there's so much pressure to heal trauma immediately. A major problem is that it's bullshit that therapists can offer a real secure attachment. I'm sorry, but paying someone $100+ an hour to play a role for you is never going to be a secure attachment when they can leave at any time. The therapists give performative empathy (not deep) and usually offer very shaky bonds. Then there's the reality that most therapists are not that balanced themselves; a recent professor I listened to said that she thought that perhaps 70% of therapists give as much harm as help due to their own issues. Most try their best, but it's a business and they're not your real friend. But you're supposed to pretend that they are and have a pressure to be vulnerable before real trust is built, which just reproduces the original disorganized trauma, pretending something is love for survival. I don't have a magic answer here. The polarization and breakdown of community and trust in this society in Covid times has also had a major impact. To me the first step is honesty and being realistic when there's no real community and trust. There's an incredible amount of toxic positivity out there in healing groups, for example, even if subtle. This is where there's a distancing when 'negative' emotions like distrust, fear or anger are directly shown. By "directly shown", I mean when they show fully in the voice and body as opposed to dissociatively using feeling words in a monotone voice which is the norm. Those are exactly the emotions that need to be allowed in a safe and secure relationship to find out that it's safe and secure, obviously made visible in a healthy way without venting. We have two polarized models of emotions in our society, the crazy neurotic kind shown on the screen and the dissociative way of using feeling words, neither of which are helpful for someone with difficult emotions. Mad in America has done some great work being honest about the realities of therapy and the business of mental health, as has the Open Dialogue movement. What people need are communities to be welcomed in that have good boundaries in them (i.e., filter out the narcissists flocking to the spaces that welcome everyone no matter what), have models and good containers for showing emotions without it being a big deal, and provide means for everyone to help and support other people in some way. Which means profit and bureaucratic involvement needs to be minimized. I recently had a supportive experience from a friend where I was a little unregulated and we felt things together. Almost always people are now programmed to shut down their own emotions and go clinical in order to give "support", which is mostly what therapists do. But that's not a full connection. If anything, the gift a disorganized person can give is to get past the bullshit of what connection and attachment really is, because if it's real and not performative, magic happens.

Very interesting indeed. I am new to this entire thing, but have been suffering physically for about 5 years now. I got something funky going on that no doctor can figure out what the heck so I'm going inward to solve this what the heck for myself!