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Last year with no place left to turn I prayed to God in repentance then begged for help with all my heart, "I was until then a lifelong Atheist." I then had a dream of Jesus coming before God and he spoke of the Tabernacle in perfect context, "A word I didn't know existed because I've never read the bible", and the love I felt from Jesus was unlike anything I've ever felt before - A lifetime of joy every second - It brought me to sobbing and it changed my life forever. I've had other miracles since, a few being a light turning on in answer to deeply needful prayer 6 times, seeing a orb of light hours before a major surgery, seeing an Angel in a dream the night my mother prayed for me to see one, "Without telling me", and so much more. Know that God and Jesus ARE real and that they love us deeply. Let go of your hatred and Imagine yourself holding the people who've hurt you. Tell them you love and forgive them and do your best to follow, "I've failed many times", the 10 commandments.